Welcome to the Evil Federated Empire of Europe

September 22, 2010 1:05 PM

Europe according to... is a project to map stereotypes of European countries according to other countries and groups of people.

Similarly themed, less pretty:

The World According to...
America
Americans (another)
The United States of America
George W. Bush
Ronald Reagan (another)
France
India
Canada
Finland
Singapore
Taiwan
China
Australia

The United States According to...
Europe
The Rest of the World (another)
Japan
Californians
New Yorkers
Utahns

Miscellaneous
North America According to Canadians
Europe According to Sweden
How Americans See Europe
How Americans (?) See Australia
Africa According to the Rest of the World

posted by desjardins (56 comments total)

I love that the Netherlands is 'Pot' in six different languages, except for the Bulgarian one, where they think they're stingy.
posted by Comrade_robot at 1:12 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

The "...According to France" one has some nice touches, especially Poland.
posted by a small part of the world at 1:13 PM on September 22, 2010

My God, the "according to gay men" was scary correct. "Homophobic sexy men" indeed.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 1:14 PM on September 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

Hahahaha
posted by The Whelk at 1:14 PM on September 22, 2010

er- "sexy homophobic men." But still. Yes.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Related: Tory Atlas of the World
posted by MuffinMan at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

Heaven is a place where the police are English, the chefs are Italian, the car mechanics are German, the lovers are French, and it's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is a place where the police are German, the chefs are English, the car mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians.

and the Americans sit on couches and watch Reality Shows of it
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:15 PM on September 22, 2010 [12 favorites]

I'm pretty sure this is how New Yorkers see the world.
posted by Rangeboy at 1:16 PM on September 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

This seems rather weak, especially the Gays’ map.
posted by joeclark at 1:25 PM on September 22, 2010

If there's one thing I learned from reading British children's comics growing up, it's that a sizable portion of Britain believes that everyone in the US is from Texas.

Of course, a lot of the US believes everyone in the UK is from London, so I suppose it balances out.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:28 PM on September 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Stooges fans will recall this from "Malice in the Palace".
posted by Faze at 1:31 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I would create a map of the US as Hawaiians see it, but it comes down to any state touching the Pacific: West coast. Everything else: East Coast.

When I visited from Chicago, trying to explain where the midwest was always got summed up by them as "Oh, East Coast."
posted by Badgermann at 1:31 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh let's please not forget United States of Racist Aunt.
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 1:33 PM on September 22, 2010 [13 favorites]

It would be nice if the graphics were sized to be legible.... are there full size originals available anywhere? I'd like to see the details.
posted by MikeWarot at 1:34 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I thought the "according to gay men" was the funniest. It had the best use of "meh".
posted by dabitch at 1:34 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

The United States According to...

It's going to be two strips of civilization and in the middle it's Deliverance, basically. George Bush and the Tea Party have done nothing for this impression.
posted by Artw at 1:41 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm saddened that Bjork was only mentioned twice. Until that volcano with the unpronounceable name, she was the only thing I could remember about Iceland.
posted by tommasz at 1:41 PM on September 22, 2010

The United States according to X is far more detailed than X according to the United States, even if their scales are dramatically different.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 1:45 PM on September 22, 2010

The United States according to X is far more detailed than X according to the United States

Really X according to the United States should consist of the United States in the middle and then a big bank of fog representing everything else.
posted by Artw at 1:47 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Frankly, these all are like a bad stand-up comic's routine. From the title, I expected it to be some sort of ironic look at stereotypes, but there's no irony as far as I can tell. It's good for a quick laugh, but they reinforce stereotypes; they don't seem to get beyond them. Am I missing someting?
posted by Steakfrites at 1:57 PM on September 22, 2010

And, even more parochially entirely, The United States According to my Racist Aunt
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 2:07 PM on September 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Am I missing someting?

Aw, come one, Russia totally is PARANOID OIL EMPIRE.
posted by Artw at 2:07 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sorry for the lack of irony. I am not a hipster.
posted by desjardins at 2:10 PM on September 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Previously on MetaFilter: What Europeans think of Each Other from the Exile.
posted by Space Coyote at 2:17 PM on September 22, 2010

Really X according to the United States should consist of the United States in the middle and then a big bank of fog representing everything else.

I really liked the "HERE BE DRAGONS" on that one map to represent this.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:17 PM on September 22, 2010

Wow, the World according to France was done by someone in the know. Can't really say the same about Europe according to France, but eh, it's still funny. England and Scotland as "Slayers of Virgins", for instance - wot? No. England = Crappy Food We Love To Bitch About, Scotland = Incomprehensible Fun-Loving People Who Drink Scotch. Also, Ireland is Exotic Vacation Land, for whatever reason. Seriously, I hear the French go on about Ireland more than even Italy or Spain.
posted by fraula at 2:24 PM on September 22, 2010

Here is the chart from The Exile article mentioned in Space Coyote's link.
posted by Human Flesh at 2:34 PM on September 22, 2010

Oh man, TWINKREICH is SO the name of my new band.

I have no idea what kind of music we'll play. I don't think it even matters.
posted by Avenger at 2:36 PM on September 22, 2010 [6 favorites]

Heh. Belgium has earned the right to think that.
posted by Artw at 2:36 PM on September 22, 2010

Weak and pathetic, stereotypes of stereotypes really.
posted by fire&wings at 3:53 PM on September 22, 2010

Previously
posted by Skeptic at 4:02 PM on September 22, 2010

"Eiffelreich" and "Enigma Code Breakers"! I shocked a soccer mom with my spontaneous laughter.
posted by orthogonality at 4:05 PM on September 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Whenever I'm in France I wear my Australian Ruby League shirt. It's excellent cover.
posted by vbfg at 5:02 PM on September 22, 2010

"Canada: The apartment above the party." -- Jon Stewart
posted by A dead Quaker at 5:27 PM on September 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Heh heh heh at Europe "the land of subsidized farmers" according to Albanians. Every Albanian I've ever met has been a crazy libertarian (as I would be too, if my government provided no services). Also heh to Macedonia "the Nameless country".

I thought Spain = Mexico and Portugal = Brazil on the USA map were nice touches too.
posted by subdee at 5:35 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Denmark is lazily just 'Vikings' in all of the maps in the first link. At least to the Germans, it would be more like "the sea! holiday cottages! vaguely acceptable beer!" To the Swedes it would just be "cheap beer!"
posted by Dysk at 6:05 PM on September 22, 2010

...and for the Brits, Denmark should just read "bacon".
posted by Dysk at 6:07 PM on September 22, 2010

Of course, a lot of the US believes everyone in the UK is from London, so I suppose it balances out.

I understood that you maintained two score of Yorkshiremen, Welsh, and Scots on a small preserve in the Cotswolds so that they can be dragged out on panel shows and the ritual cheap, inbred, sheep-fucking and fat thieving bastards jokes made as per subsection 4.92(a) of the BBC charter.
posted by Diablevert at 6:33 PM on September 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

The funny thing is the Dutch and the Greeks both say of each other, "They have deep pockets and short arms."
posted by digitalprimate at 6:34 PM on September 22, 2010

i love Iceland was BJORK several times and how everybody but the US know where are the VIKINGS :D oh! and how SPAIN was either MEXICO or BEARS and ITALY was the land of "STRAIGHT HOMOS".

fantastic post!
posted by liza at 6:40 PM on September 22, 2010

The funny thing is the Dutch and the Greeks both say of each other, "They have deep pockets and short arms."

I read that the Dutch call each paying for oneself on a date an "American party." The way Americans call it "going Dutch."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:25 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Scotland = Incomprehensible Fun-Loving People Who Drink Scotch

Although everybody has a WTF moment when a preconceived stereotype is shattered, this one really takes the cake. When I lived in Scotland, I witnessed precious little Scotch being consumed. It was a special occasion drink.

Jack Daniels was far more popular in the course of everyday drinking.

<sub>And I do mean every day. The stereotype where the UK has a serious alcoholism problem is totally true. It didn't help that I became "legal" while I was living there.

Also, they watch more reality TV than we (US) do, and their print newspapers are pretty much all crap.</sub>
posted by schmod at 9:16 PM on September 22, 2010

Wow, these maps become old really fast. They're graphical representations of ignorance.
Nothing to be proud of.
posted by joost de vries at 9:19 PM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

The Taiwan map is actually pretty funny, but it's all in Chinese. Here's a few:

USA = EVIL EMPIRE
Alaska = heaven
Canada = poor students who study overseas can only go here / the Rockies
Mexico = Criminals
South America = All kicking soccer balls around
Africa = Mom says that if I don't finish my dinner I'll be sent here
Europe = A place where one drinks afternoon tea all day and never has to work
China = Where black market goods and scam companies come from
Middle East = Desert and war
Japan = XXX videos are everywhere
Taiwan = STRONG Taiwan!
Malaysia (I think) = has lots of servants named Maria

And THIS is just ridiculous.

England = Hogwarts
posted by Sallysings at 1:31 AM on September 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

The main link is terribly tiny graphics containing text which is frequently illegible. Otherwise, I rather like the concept, I'm fascinated by people's stereotypes, especially those that are not part of my own cultural background.
posted by Goofyy at 2:57 AM on September 23, 2010

fraula: "England and Scotland as "Slayers of Virgins", for instance - wot?"

Joan of Arc.
posted by brokkr at 2:59 AM on September 23, 2010

I read that the Dutch call each paying for oneself on a date an "American party." The way Americans call it "going Dutch."

Almost. An American party is a party where everybody is supposed to bring their own booze and, possibly, snacks. Usually the host provides them.

Paying for oneself (or just splitting the bill) at dates is pretty common though (or at least it was when I was dating)
posted by Sourisnoire at 3:38 AM on September 23, 2010

I'd like to add that Europeans really have NO CLUE about the state borders of the US.

Speaking for myself, my mental image of the USA is something like this, from east to west:

New York & Washington. Great Lakes. Rednecks in Texas. A fence near Mexico. The Rocky Mountains. California. Hollywood. Golden Gate Bridge.

And .. that's about it, really.
posted by Harry at 5:15 AM on September 23, 2010

The funny thing is the Dutch and the Greeks both say of each other, "They have deep pockets and short arms."

In my experience, the Greeks mainly think of the Dutch when it comes to Rinus Michels/the NL football team/Ajax. Never heard that one .
posted by ersatz at 6:02 AM on September 23, 2010

As the grandson of a trawlerman who was raised in Grimsby I say that "Selfish Fisherman Land" should include Iceland.
posted by Decani at 7:04 AM on September 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

One of the weirdest things I've ever seen was a German travel show featuring, of all places, South Dakota. As a vacation destination.

Having lived in Europe, I've noticed that a lot of Europeans forget how fucking large the US is and ask me things like, "Oh, you're from Vermont - that's on the east coast, you must be close to D.C.!" I explain that by "close" it's a 12 hour drive and people's eyes have bugged out of their heads.

Of course, Americans also have trouble with European geography, so that's pretty fair. My favorite moment of this - explaining to my dad where Portugal is on a map: "So, dad, you know the west coast of Spain?" "Yeah." "That's not the west coast of Spain.* That's Portugal."

*Except for that bit at the top that is, but that would have just confused him.
posted by sonika at 11:03 AM on September 23, 2010

I had a European acquaintance tell me once, "Americans think 100 years is a long time; Europeans think 100 miles is a long distance."
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:34 PM on September 23, 2010 [5 favorites]

Regarding "Europe according to Britain": where do these prejudices come from? Oh, here's one source, the "Euroseptic" "blog" from the Daily Mail, written by some lady who according to Wikipedia loves Ayn Rand and wrote this about the Paralympics:

'It is time to suggest that these so-called Paralympics . . . are - well, one hesitates to say "grotesque". One will only say "perverse"…Surely physical competition is about finding the best - the fastest, strongest, highest, all that. It is not about finding someone who can wobble his way around a track in a wheelchair, or who can swim from one end of a pool to the other by Braille.

Here are some recent comments from her "blog", published by one of the largest newpapers in the UK:


I look forward to either a military coup (our soldiers not the EU Army) or the total destruction of the Conservative Party. (...)

Posted by: Peter Watson | 23/09/2010 at 11:48 AM

Mary Ellen. The majority of the British establishment is to all intents and purposes the enemy of British people. The EU is not political: If it were it would incorporate some measure of accountability. No, the European collective is a conspracy, and I sincerely believe Cast Iron Quisling Dave is in the thick of it. (...)

Posted by: harry fredericks | 23/09/2010 at 10:24 AM


Once again we have to thank Mary Ellen Synon for providing us with further ammunition with which to castigate the EU. (...)

Posted by: Norman (UK Taxpayer) Athens, Greece. | 22/09/2010 at 03:05 PM



posted by iviken at 3:14 PM on September 23, 2010

Time for Daily Mail Island to be made a reality.
posted by Artw at 3:26 PM on September 23, 2010

And you wonder how stereotypes persist? Because they're so hilarious when they're about other people, and especially when you don't mean it!
posted by jabberjaw at 11:36 AM on September 24, 2010

The Taiwan map is actually pretty funny, but it's all in Chinese. Here's a few:

USA = EVIL EMPIRE
Alaska = heaven
Canada = poor students who study overseas can only go here / the Rockies
Mexico = Criminals
South America = All kicking soccer balls around
Africa = Mom says that if I don't finish my dinner I'll be sent here
Europe = A place where one drinks afternoon tea all day and never has to work
China = Where black market goods and scam companies come from
Middle East = Desert and war
Japan = XXX videos are everywhere
Taiwan = STRONG Taiwan!
Malaysia (I think) = has lots of servants named Maria

Has lots of servants names Maria = Philippines.
posted by Carius at 7:44 PM on September 24, 2010