in case of emergency: remove bra

September 25, 2010 6:39 AM

The Emergency Bra: "We can save not only our own lives, but also a man of our choice next to us."
posted by Potomac Avenue (41 comments total)

"We can save not only our own lives, but also a man of our choice next to us."

Or, you know, a woman of our choice. Whichever.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:49 AM on September 25, 2010 [10 favorites]

In related news, the City of Los Angeles commends Pamela Anderson for her heroic efforts yesterday in saving a family of seven from an apartment fire in the downtown area.
posted by phunniemee at 6:50 AM on September 25, 2010 [7 favorites]

Or, you know, a woman of our choice. Whichever.

Their point was that men don't have boobs. And women have two.
posted by phunniemee at 6:56 AM on September 25, 2010 [9 favorites]

As Bodnar noted in her Oct.1 acceptance speech at Harvard University, "Isn't it wonderful that women have two breasts, not just one?"

And just think of the lives that could be saved if they bring this idea to the planet Znoznar, where the women have eight breasts!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:57 AM on September 25, 2010 [3 favorites]

Their point was that men don't have boobs.

Actually, plenty of men have boobs. But true, they generally don't put them into bras.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:59 AM on September 25, 2010 [4 favorites]

Video/Radio interview with Dr. Elena Bodner
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:00 AM on September 25, 2010

...Does anyone else find it strangely endearing that she prominently features video of her product's live demonstration at the Ignobel Awards ceremony?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:01 AM on September 25, 2010 [3 favorites]

The Linguini Incident flashback: "Your tits are making me very sad."
posted by adipocere at 7:10 AM on September 25, 2010

We can save not only our own lives, but also a man of our choice next to us.

Or, you know, in a life-threatening situation, two strange men.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:11 AM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

The emergency jock strap would be a perfect follow up companion to this.
posted by 2N2222 at 7:16 AM on September 25, 2010 [9 favorites]

I was kind of hoping for something like a parachute, actually.
posted by jonmc at 7:20 AM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

A loooong time ago I read an Italian pulp comic where a sexy female assassin (are there any frumpy ones?) has a small gun broken down to tiny pieces sewn into her bra. She gets jailed with the Emperor's harem and well, the only way to escape...
posted by keratacon at 7:32 AM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

What was once a fetish-

a sexy female assassin (are there any frumpy ones?)

Lotte Lenya, for one
posted by IndigoJones at 7:58 AM on September 25, 2010

Next up: a bra that miraculously fits properly.
posted by acheekymonkey at 8:12 AM on September 25, 2010 [14 favorites]

Or, you know, a woman of our choice. Whichever.

Their point was that men don't have boobs. And women have two.

And the woman beside our hero might not have this fancy bra and need saving too.
posted by mazola at 8:14 AM on September 25, 2010

that doesn't make sense why would two women be next to eachother ???
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:24 AM on September 25, 2010 [5 favorites]

Now I have an excuse to scan the room for the location of emergency devices! </creepy>
posted by mazola at 8:28 AM on September 25, 2010 [3 favorites]

"The brilliance of my idea is that it's very simple," said Bodnar, of Chicago

Well, at least she's being modest about it.
posted by Brockles at 8:33 AM on September 25, 2010

She will be giving a press conference on Tuesday at 11 am at the MIT Museum, allowing reporters to "get a feel of the product".
posted by nonane at 8:38 AM on September 25, 2010

This is being met with more acceptance than her first attempt, the ass mask.

Also, obligatory: Boob Apron.
posted by mosk at 8:51 AM on September 25, 2010 [3 favorites]

Now women can have built-in flotation devices AND face masks! *ba-dmp, tsh!*
posted by ralenys at 8:53 AM on September 25, 2010

To determine which men are worthy of being saved by an extra bra mask of mine, I will be conducting brief interviews for the rest of the week. Please bring a headshot, your resume, and cookies. Thank you.
posted by sonika at 9:08 AM on September 25, 2010

The Linguini Incident flashback: "Your tits are making me very sad."
posted by adipocere

Shut up, Pedro.
posted by workerant at 9:09 AM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't be the only one thinking that in order for this idea to actually work, women have to want to wear it, and in order for women to want to wear it, it has to be less hideous.

Because that's one ugly, ill-fitting bra. What gets me is that it's not even time-saving that makes it ugly; they added that horrible ruffle.

(I like the color, though!)
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 9:09 AM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

"I think I hear a swine flu outbreak! Quick! Take your bra off!"
posted by cmoj at 9:13 AM on September 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

I don't know about this. If 80s movies taught me anything it's that there's a lot of running and jumping in post-apocalyptic times. I really wouldn't want to subject my breasted companions to unnecessary, unsupported jiggling in moments of such uncertainty.

Security = confidence, and there's nothing less confidence-inspiring than a sweater full of heaving chesticle when you're trying to shoot invading Russians with a hunting rifle in the barren, fumigated Colorado wilderness.

Furthermore, nothing says 'aim for the head' like a bright red bra on one's face. It would seem to me that a flesh-tone would be more appropriate.
posted by jimmythefish at 9:17 AM on September 25, 2010 [4 favorites]

I really wouldn't want to subject my breasted companions to unnecessary, unsupported jiggling in moments of such uncertainty.

Eh, this bra would let your breasted companions survive long enough to get back to their other bras (or loot someone else's). If they're felled by poisonous dust, their breasts won't be jiggling anyway.

Overall, I think this is a great idea—but you make a great point about the color. I'd buy a flesh-color one.
posted by limeonaire at 10:38 AM on September 25, 2010

"The brilliance of my idea is that it's very simple,"

Her idea is sheer elegance in its simplicity? Better call the the Middleman!
posted by kmz at 10:42 AM on September 25, 2010 [3 favorites]

What about us... umm.... less endowed women? In my size the only person I'd be saving would be an infant. Why wear a life saving bra on the off chance that I'd be near a baby when things wend bad, yet not be able to help myself.
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:07 AM on September 25, 2010

Definitely on my Christmas--I mean Holiday--wish list. Flesh-colored preferred.
posted by emhutchinson at 11:24 AM on September 25, 2010

What about us... umm.... less endowed women?

Or more endowed. The store only has bras in B cup and C cup. Sucks for the outliers.
posted by hopeless romantique at 11:26 AM on September 25, 2010

Sucks for the outliers.

We're kinda used to it. Many of us could hardly find a regular bra that fits right to save our life, much less a life-saving bra that fits.
posted by hegemone at 11:39 AM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's ok, Too Few Shoes, I'll protect you. With my melons, I could save an entire village.
posted by sonika at 11:40 AM on September 25, 2010 [2 favorites]

TooFewShoes: What about us... umm.... less endowed women? In my size the only person I'd be saving would be an infant. Why wear a life saving bra on the off chance that I'd be near a baby when things wend bad, yet not be able to help myself.

Won't anyone think of the children?!?!
posted by hincandenza at 11:44 AM on September 25, 2010

I have worked with many construction workers who call dust masks "titty cups". Just one step away from brilliance.
posted by idiopath at 11:45 AM on September 25, 2010

In the event of an emergency, please secure your own bra before assisting a child next to you.
posted by maryr at 12:08 PM on September 25, 2010 [1 favorite]

What is this made of? I don't see where it explains how this would be particularly good at filtering air, and if it's not, it seems kind of silly - just put any piece of clothing over your face at that point (which is generally the emergency situation option). Also since women generally wear bras for a reason, it's presumably going to be uncomfortable for some to walk without one... And if you just went through a crisis leading to toxic air, it's totally possible your bra is all gross and sweaty by now, too, which may reduce the comfort of sharing it with someone...

All in all, the likelihood of needing this combining with the chance you're actually wearing it seems pretty small. I think they'd have to go with marketing an awesome bra, that just happens to have an extra feature of unclipping into two masks, for this to ever work. No one is going to buy this just for the face mask aspect.
posted by mdn at 12:49 PM on September 25, 2010

Help! (I have cup-of-noodle but no chopsticks.)
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:02 PM on September 25, 2010

How often does acute exposure to dust actually threaten someones life? There are a few specific cases I can think of but those don't often come with enough advanced notice to reconfigure your underwear into a gas mask. For a lot of things even a HEPA filter won't help you at all.

In a real emergency I'm going to go with the woman wearing the the activated charcoal camisole.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 3:08 PM on September 25, 2010

"How often does acute exposure to dust actually threaten someones life?"

It threatens the life of asthmatics quite often, actually.
posted by Jacqueline at 7:20 PM on September 25, 2010

In the event of an emergency, please secure your own bra before assisting a child next to you.

Or please unsecure your bra before assisting a child next to you.
posted by mazola at 11:28 AM on September 26, 2010