metafilter parody.

August 24, 2001 10:32 AM

metafilter parody. no comment from me, i'll leave that to everyone else.
posted by will (1729 comments total)

Sarcastic comment about what a brilliant work of parody that is. And also adding that it must haven't taken hours to develop and refine.
posted by y6y6y6 at 10:37 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite]

Strong agreement with something only tangentially related to original post's point.
posted by rschram at 10:37 AM on August 24, 2001

impersonal double post notification
posted by sawks at 10:38 AM on August 24, 2001

Questioning the necessity of dp notification, as it may be new to some
posted by cell divide at 10:39 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite]

Exasperated exclamation that sometimes double-posts are fine and people should just get off the poster's back.

;->
posted by mikel at 10:39 AM on August 24, 2001

dumbass comment from stupid guy with 2 letter name that he forgot to spell check agin
posted by tj at 10:39 AM on August 24, 2001

Jakob sucks, Nader rules, and Kottke is over-rated/the best blog (circle one).
posted by msacheson at 10:42 AM on August 24, 2001

Pointless ad hominem attack.
posted by bison at 10:42 AM on August 24, 2001

Vauge reference to style of speech, relevant link? Nonsensical end to statement.

Jigsaw. Fragment chief butter. King surgery mind?
Smellsign.
Nose army.
posted by jojomnky at 10:44 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite]

Nose army.

Don't you mean Nose Pilot?
posted by Marquis at 10:45 AM on August 24, 2001

self-humiliating apology for self linking
posted by almostcool at 10:46 AM on August 24, 2001

Accidental post meant for another thread.
posted by iceberg273 at 10:55 AM on August 24, 2001

teeny tiny snarky comment
posted by briank at 10:56 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite]

Usual comment from authority (not Me) about if we want the web to be free of control, we must put up with "good" things and "bad" things. We can be better than history.
posted by riley370 at 10:57 AM on August 24, 2001

HAHAHA.
posted by Satapher at 11:00 AM on August 24, 2001

Comment from a newbie that isn't funny.
posted by remlapm at 11:02 AM on August 24, 2001

Post which opens an italic tag, but forgets to close it.
posted by OpenTagBoy at 11:03 AM PST on August 24


Post which is about as on topic as any.
posted by QuadruplePostGuy at 11:03 AM PST on August 24


Comment noticing that everything is italic.
posted by Huh! at 11:05 AM PST on August 24


Comment noticing that everything is italic.
posted by LookeeThere at 11:06 AM PST on August 24


Comment noticing that everything is italic, but using five exclamation marks!!!!!
posted by Whoa!!!!! at 11:07 AM PST on August 24


Comment closing the italics tag
posted by </i> at 11:07 AM PST on August 24


Comment closing the italics tag.
posted by Eep at 11:07 AM PST on August 24


Comment closing the italics tag.
posted by iceberg273 at 11:06 AM on August 24, 2001 [2 favorites]

Haiku missing
incomplete blue page
pondering metafilter
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 11:06 AM on August 24, 2001

Apology for nitpicking, but pompous correction of insignificant grammatical error or word misusage.
posted by argybarg at 11:11 AM on August 24, 2001

Comment from an oldie, trying but failing to appear to be attuned to the latest meme, that also isn't funny.
posted by normy at 11:12 AM on August 24, 2001

comment questioning fellow MeFi member's unoriginal nickname.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:13 AM on August 24, 2001

Zippity comment.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:13 AM on August 24, 2001

Quibbling query as to why this wasn't posted to MetaTalk
posted by skyscraper at 11:14 AM on August 24, 2001

apology for stealing catch phrase comment.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:15 AM on August 24, 2001

Request for pancakes.
posted by ColdChef at 11:15 AM on August 24, 2001 [2 favorites]

opps.

sorry your dog died!
posted by Hackworth at 11:17 AM on August 24, 2001

link to Onion article, posted in such a way that the community at large wonders whether poster actually understands that it's a joke.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:18 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite]

disgruntled comment about signal/noise.
posted by skyscraper at 11:22 AM on August 24, 2001

righteous indignation
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:23 AM on August 24, 2001

a href="http://www.messeduplink.com>bad html
posted by remlapm at 11:24 AM on August 24, 2001

Sadness at MetaFilter's one-joke antics, lack of depth and self-absorption.
posted by timothompson at 11:28 AM on August 24, 2001

link to refreshing, new site, getting everyone so energized that they spend the remainder of the day glad that they're alive in this time and this place (archive search doesn't seem to turn up examples...)
posted by skyscraper at 11:29 AM on August 24, 2001

post intended for a different thread.
posted by donkeysuck at 11:30 AM on August 24, 2001

apology for previous post that was intended for a different, prior thread.
posted by donkeysuck at 11:31 AM on August 24, 2001

Off topic remark causing a schism in conversation that is never completely resolved.

Apologises in earnest self-deprecating manner for off topic remark.
posted by lucien at 11:33 AM on August 24, 2001

post from webmaster of the original link, accepting MetaFilters critique and telling them to kiss his ass.
posted by schlomo at 11:34 AM on August 24, 2001

Rephrasing of previous comment added so that poster might feel "hip" and with "it". Impact on discussion - nil.
Tiny footnoot text added to increase legitimacy.
posted by aladfar at 11:36 AM on August 24, 2001

Pointless notification of community that "Use of facts to supply a sense of intellectual superiority in an emotional conversation that will ultimately have no constructive purpose in the long run, but will possibly engage interest for the rest of the workday" will unquestionably be the name of my new 'blog. Bravo to Spoonfed.
posted by ryanshepard at 11:36 AM on August 24, 2001

Attempt to make intelligent comment which everyone else ignores.
posted by feelinglistless at 11:37 AM on August 24, 2001 [2 favorites]

Baby jesus usually cries right now
posted by tj at 11:38 AM on August 24, 2001

incoherent rant about how the poster is being excluded from MetaFilter because Matt doesn't like the way he spells, followed by 50 posts offering to show up at original poster's house with a copy of "Mavis Beacon Teaches Spelling".
posted by skyscraper at 11:39 AM on August 24, 2001

Blanket statement affirming that Bush is indeed stupid.
posted by UncleFes at 11:50 AM on August 24, 2001

Post suggesting that this sort of post (i.e. one which, in my opinion, has no real significance) belongs on Plastic.
posted by Octaviuz at 11:55 AM on August 24, 2001

Comment about the good ol' days on Usenet.
posted by Chief Typist at 11:56 AM on August 24, 2001

KITTIES!!!!!!!!!
posted by bargle at 11:57 AM on August 24, 2001

a senselessly long rant that must have taken 20 mintues to compose. rant includes: personal experiences, weeping for the future, angst towards qulity [sic] of metafilter posts. rant also references semi-obscure historical events that demonstrate that the ranter is well-read.

in the meantime three posts have made exactly the same point in a fraction of the words.
posted by o2b at 11:58 AM on August 24, 2001 [2 favorites]

a senselessly long rant that must have taken 20 mintues to compose. rant includes: personal experiences, weeping for the future, angst towards qulity [sic] of metafilter posts. rant also references semi-obscure historical events that demonstrate that the ranter is well-read.

in the meantime three posts have made exactly the same point in a fraction of the words.
posted by o2b at 11:59 AM on August 24, 2001

opps [sic]
posted by o2b at 11:59 AM on August 24, 2001

self depreciating comment lamenting double post.

self justifying comment that url in original post does not work and/or is different.
posted by will at 12:00 PM on August 24, 2001

Inappropriate complaint of gas pains
posted by Dagobert at 12:01 PM on August 24, 2001

Observation that this conversation should probably be taken to Metatalk
posted by UncleFes at 12:03 PM on August 24, 2001

Another link to bonsaikitten.com.
posted by GirlFriday at 12:04 PM on August 24, 2001

Follow-up observation that someone already mentioned the whole "moving to Metatalk" idea.
posted by UncleFes at 12:06 PM on August 24, 2001

Inappropriate blaming of Ralph Nader for the situation. Hand wringing about the effect on the children.
posted by swell at 12:09 PM on August 24, 2001

All your thread belongs to...
posted by dagny at 12:09 PM on August 24, 2001

wishing it was ice cream day.
posted by modge at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001

metametametafilter comments.
posted by swerdloff at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment from someone who create a new username for the occasion.
posted by Drowning In In-Jokes at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite]

Troll!
posted by Marquis at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001

Link to related article on another site.
posted by moss at 12:11 PM on August 24, 2001

Can you tell its Friday?
posted by mmm at 12:12 PM on August 24, 2001

*laughs*
posted by baby satan at 12:14 PM on August 24, 2001

Accusation that original poster is not, in fact, a 16 year old girl from Kansas.
posted by Mid at 12:21 PM on August 24, 2001

Exhortation to form a lynch mob to seek out and destroy the original poster
posted by briank at 12:23 PM on August 24, 2001

Insistence that this thread should never have started (double-post, self-link, no link in original post, etc.) and is not worthy of discussion, despite the fact that this comment is, like, the sixty-eighth.

Think about it!!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:24 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment implicitly noting that my user number is lower than most of yours, therefore I must be better.
posted by zempf at 12:25 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment tangentially-related to the original post but then focusing on a thread-derailing political agenda (Choose one: racism, sexism, Bush, National Missle Defense, Middle East, Microsoft, DMCA, other)
posted by fooljay at 12:33 PM on August 24, 2001

Post questioning the absence of obligatory waffle reference.
posted by DBAPaul at 12:35 PM on August 24, 2001

Reference to Hitler, followed by reference to Godwin's Law.
posted by zempf at 12:36 PM on August 24, 2001

Request for a pony.
posted by trox at 12:37 PM on August 24, 2001

Declaration of this thread being closed
posted by kokogiak at 12:39 PM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite]

cold-hearted, inhumane quip linked to story of death by misadventure offends resident drama queens.
posted by quonsar at 12:39 PM on August 24, 2001

Apology for noting that posted haiku has only 16 syllables and self-deprecating (albeit self-righteous) remark that poster might not know all there is to know about haiku but does know what he likes.
posted by idiolect at 12:40 PM on August 24, 2001

The webby awards suck.
posted by justgary at 12:43 PM on August 24, 2001

petition to stop original poster mob madness, dubbed "save will".

affirmation that original poster is neither 16, a girl nor from kansas.

lament (repetative use of wording to indicate failed attempt at intelligent communication) for the "good 'ole days" of mefi (tacitly exclusionary insider terminoligy).
posted by will at 12:44 PM on August 24, 2001

Concerned about the fact that this entire thread has been derailed to discuss something completely unrelated to the original post, I now write a long, impassioned, well-reasoned paragraph on the subject this thread was supposed to cover. Why do I bother? Perhaps I am subtly insinuating that I am better than all the posters who were unable to confine their comments to the original subject. Perhaps I feel sorry for the creator of the thread -- who was clearly interested in generating discussion about the linked story -- and I am trying to help him out. Perhaps I am just anal, and simply cannot stand to see us discussing B in a thread designed to discuss A. For whatever reason, I have decided that it is my personal duty to quash all off-topic discussions here, and single-handedly restore order to this rapidly degenerating talk. I shall do so by writing a paragraph of such size that it leaps out at all those scrolling down the page, thereby reminding everyone that comments in this thread should be confined to the original topic, and the original topic only.

Oh and by the way, here's a throw-away one-liner summarizing my opinion on the other topic, which effectively negates all my efforts to get this thread back on track.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:47 PM on August 24, 2001

joke in form of question in attempt to alleviate hostilities on the board, which incurs wrath of all posters regardless of previous disputes.
posted by adampsyche at 12:48 PM on August 24, 2001

Rentamob.
posted by skylar at 12:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Why, that's Calvinism!
posted by Dirjy at 12:54 PM on August 24, 2001

overly reasoned argument obviously being made (by benefit of a liberal arts education) without having actually read either the original link or any of the block long paragraphs preceding my own.
posted by elsar at 12:54 PM on August 24, 2001

Wait, there was already a post about him and Hobbes. Oops, too slow.
posted by skyscraper at 12:56 PM on August 24, 2001

helping verb
posted by adampsyche at 12:58 PM on August 24, 2001

impassioned plea to matt to step in and control the madness with the most reasonable comment in the thread, most likely reminding us of the guidelines and bringing us back to the true spirit of mefi and perhaps finishing with a wish to go back on vacation.
posted by will at 12:59 PM on August 24, 2001

Get them.

(Figures Bison would pick the dumbest picture of me in the world to link to...then again, figures I'd share that oh-so-wonderful "Ta ta!" pose with the world...)
posted by solistrato at 1:04 PM on August 24, 2001

solistrato = odd hammy man?
posted by skyscraper at 1:12 PM on August 24, 2001

At the mention of Calvinism *starts dancing*
posted by tj at 1:13 PM on August 24, 2001

At the mention of Calvinism *starts peeing on trucks*
posted by o2b at 1:17 PM on August 24, 2001

Late post making the same argument as 37 previous posts, because poster didn't have time to read the whole thread.
posted by binkin at 1:18 PM on August 24, 2001

Metallic clicking sounds followed by whirring noise, as numerous stainless steel blades extend from forearm. Flies into the air. Fights injustice.
posted by Hildago at 1:19 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint/congratulations that o2b one-upped me
posted by tj at 1:19 PM on August 24, 2001

obligatory 1142 comment
posted by tj at 1:20 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment with a lot of exclamation points!!! And emoticons :D :( :) ;)
posted by binkin at 1:22 PM on August 24, 2001

previously quibbled and (possibly unnecessary) metatalk thread regarding this post.
posted by will at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2001

Realization that thread became inexplicably popular while he was on break, followed by attemped witty/insightful comment in an effort to build reputation as "MetaFilter regular" and not miss out. (Kaycee thread, anyone?)
posted by tweebiscuit at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2001

Isn't the odd hammy man a new snaswich from Denny's? (oops sorry.. screwed up nonsequitir)
posted by tj at 1:24 PM on August 24, 2001

I wouldn't say I'm hammy...perhaps venison-esque...maybe lamb...garnished with veal and proscuttio. (sic)

I've officially derailed.
posted by solistrato at 1:27 PM on August 24, 2001

CAN WE STAY ON TOPIC, PLEASE!!!!!!
posted by will at 1:29 PM on August 24, 2001

Just-trying-to-be-helpful post which states the obvious. We need more Portuguese posters.
posted by shinybeast at 1:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Post flaming above poster for shouting about staying on topic because we are all individuals and we can talk about whatever we damn well please and who are you to tell us not to? Besides, your exhortations to stay on topic aren't on topic, anyway.
posted by binkin at 1:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Late post making the same argument as 37 previous posts, because poster didn't have time to read the whole thread.
posted by mrbula at 1:32 PM on August 24, 2001

Attempt to call attention to self, which will summarily be ignored.
posted by frykitty at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint that Hildago is close-minded and does not understand injustice. metalic clicking sound becomes louder and skyscaper whimpers in fear
posted by skyscraper at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2001

I am hammy no more.
posted by solistrato at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2001

...Then attacked for plagiarizing an earlier poster...
posted by mrbula at 1:35 PM on August 24, 2001

Note that we're over 100 posts, then complain about thread loading slowly...
posted by mrbula at 1:36 PM on August 24, 2001

off topic and useless personal anecdote: i once had a hampster named hammy.
posted by will at 1:36 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint about this thread being a waste of precious, precious bandwidth.
posted by will at 1:38 PM on August 24, 2001

here ya go, shinybeast: Portugese poster
posted by skyscraper at 1:38 PM on August 24, 2001

post admonishing previous poster for trying to control of the conversation with link to previous thread in which they too had been accused in the same fashion
posted by feelinglistless at 1:46 PM on August 24, 2001

comment referencing previous post that is five pages above this one, and which you will never find
posted by JParker at 1:48 PM on August 24, 2001

off topic haiku
inspired by this and this
superhero sandwich
posted by otherchaz at 1:48 PM on August 24, 2001

comment describing the belly ache i have from laughing at all of these posts...
posted by phunkone at 1:51 PM on August 24, 2001

Raging and pathetic diatribe about how the world has sunk into a quagmire of doom because people don't know how to spell hamster.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:51 PM on August 24, 2001

post correcting speling error in previous post
posted by JParker at 1:53 PM on August 24, 2001

spelling
posted by JParker at 1:53 PM on August 24, 2001

A glib and useless remark existing solely to riff on 'Attack of the Clones'.
posted by Perigee at 1:55 PM on August 24, 2001

post contemplating reserving the domain name "9622.org"
posted by machaus at 1:56 PM on August 24, 2001

I once had a pet hamper... my parents didn't trust me with animals
posted by tj at 1:56 PM on August 24, 2001

Announcement that a Yahoo Groups site has been created for this thread. Obsessively to lessen Matt's bandwidth, but in reality only diluting the discussion.

Thread 9622 Group
posted by y6y6y6 at 1:56 PM on August 24, 2001

Does anybody know what happened to that girl with cancer? Her weblog seems to be down.
posted by swell at 1:57 PM on August 24, 2001

post congratualting tj on inducing spit-take form unsuspecting Kafkaesque.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:59 PM on August 24, 2001

chuckling on the sidelines (and late, natch) seemingly acquiescent and harmless newbie-post with a hint of treating regulars much like doddering grandparents, or hampsters.
posted by spandex at 2:00 PM on August 24, 2001

Post reminding self not to refer to self in 3rd person.

And to preview posts so self doesn't spell "from" wrong.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:00 PM on August 24, 2001

post noting that I'm post # 125 !!!
posted by JParker at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2001

Okay, this thread's really long, so I can't read it all, but isn't this a doublepost?
posted by Marquis at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2001

mpost noting that my life is now complete
posted by tj at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2001

post quipping "I'm pretty sure it's become a Moebius post."
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:04 PM on August 24, 2001

Worst. Thread. Ever.
posted by trox at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2001

post noting that trox is being a buzzkill
posted by tj at 2:07 PM on August 24, 2001

Hopelessly late comment because newbie wants to be part of the cool crowd.

Mission Failed
posted by plemeljr at 2:07 PM on August 24, 2001

Final post, after which MH ends or deletes thread due to its pointlessness or offensiveness.
posted by ParisParamus at 2:08 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint that dirjy stole my line/took the words out of my mouth/statement about 'great minds think alike'.

not so sneaky insertion of self-plug.

webmaster yells at poster.

poster accepts blame and prays for death.
posted by jcterminal at 2:11 PM on August 24, 2001

Bleating, obsequious milquetoast thanks to Matt for allowing us to use this forum – in truth, his forum, his alone – and for not selectively deleting individual posts or banning ungrateful users, who obviously deserve what they get.
posted by joeclark at 2:13 PM on August 24, 2001

Complaint that this thread is so over, but posts comment anyway, and then rambles on over and over and over so as to slow down page load time.


Please think of those on 56k!!!
posted by plemeljr at 2:13 PM on August 24, 2001

ANAGRAM: UNSUSPECTING KAFKAESQUE SPIT = FAKE SPASTIC GENIUS QUEST, PUNK.
posted by swell at 2:13 PM on August 24, 2001

Post pointing out earlier post was tongue-in-cheek rather than some lament about metafilter was better in the good old days.
posted by trox at 2:15 PM on August 24, 2001

What is the longest thread ever on metafilter? Does anyone know? This one must be coming somewhat close.
posted by bytecode at 2:17 PM on August 24, 2001

Sarcastic retort to previous toadying by joeclark, followed by identification of Matt as member of elitist cabal.

Suggestion of violent penetration to be visited upon members of perceived weblog elite.

Summary statement in which poster swears he wouldn't join above mentioned cabal if they got down on their knees and begged him.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 2:20 PM on August 24, 2001

shamefaced identification of spelling errors in previous post.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 2:21 PM on August 24, 2001

thereby proving he's already a member
posted by tj at 2:21 PM on August 24, 2001

Pointless post added in purely because I wanted to be associated with this thread in some tiny insignificant way.
posted by wackybrit at 2:23 PM on August 24, 2001

ÖäÂîmetafilter ÈËÃñÊǶÔÓ¢Óï°²Öá£
posted by th3ph17 at 2:29 PM on August 24, 2001

Post validating wackybrit's need to feel part of something larger than him/herself (with care given to gender-specific pronoun usage), along with an oblique intimation that wackybrit may be suffering from feelings of alienation and potential abandonment anxiety, though in fact the poster is terribly uninformed about psychology in general, and thinks the anonymity of the internet gives him license to spout bogus diagnoses as long as he uses enough big words.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Babbling comment about how great the Internet is that we can have insightful discussions like this. A compliment to Matt for creating something so useful. Followed by pointless assertion that Microsoft is evil.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:32 PM on August 24, 2001

Completely irrelevant mentioning of Christopher Walken
posted by dagny at 2:35 PM on August 24, 2001

Policy wonk stuff, denoting more facts and some actual research into topic. Conclusion drawn on these facts. Impact on conversation negligible.

Dan? Is that you?
posted by anildash at 2:35 PM on August 24, 2001

would like to point out that monkeys are funny (ok, now I'm just being silly)
posted by tj at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2001

comment made to make poster feel like he/she isn't left out and that they grok all.
posted by physics at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2001

Rock 'n' roll high school...forever!
posted by Mark at 2:41 PM on August 24, 2001

Post agreeing that tj is just being silly, but pointing out that this is not necessarily a bad thing, and that monkeys are even funnier if they are wearing engineers' caps and smoking cigars.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:42 PM on August 24, 2001

Post. Using. Periods. After. Each. Word. To. Appear. To. Add. Emphasis.
posted by rio at 2:43 PM on August 24, 2001

post noting that Kafkaesque has gotten revenge over previos spit-take incident
posted by tj at 2:45 PM on August 24, 2001

Hypocrites! Hypocrites! You should run over the babies *and* the kittens! post.
posted by keli at 2:47 PM on August 24, 2001

improper use...............of ellipsis
posted by ColdChef at 2:50 PM on August 24, 2001

I'm glad that my months-old MeFi parody has created one of the single most ridiculous threads ever in this board's history. There is irony in here that will go unmined for generations.
posted by solistrato at 2:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Post pointing out that we've been back four days and we've already devolved to this?
posted by darukaru at 2:53 PM on August 24, 2001

New from Denny's: Moons Over solistrato
posted by tj at 2:57 PM on August 24, 2001

comment complaining that poster's nick wasn't parodied, and doesn't anyone listen to poster? while the poster mostly lurks. also, poster tries to make post witty. fails miserably.
posted by sugarfish at 3:03 PM on August 24, 2001

j00v3n1l3 pl34 4 4773n710n + 3xpl0r47!0n 0v <div> tags. ph33r! ph33r!
posted by otherchaz at 3:05 PM on August 24, 2001

Totally off-topic continued exploration of the effects of an unclosed div tag.
posted by otherchaz at 3:12 PM on August 24, 2001

post which

attempts to close the div tag
posted by otherchaz at 3:15 PM on August 24, 2001

Totally off-topic continued exploration of the effects of an unclosed div tag.
posted by otherchaz at 3:12 PM on August 24, 2001

nader?
posted by fakeplastic at 3:26 PM on August 24, 2001

Nadir maybe.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:28 PM on August 24, 2001

Yet AGAIN, Star Wars has CHANGED my LIFE! As I sat in front of my computer a short time ago, I felt a twinge of cold. As the temperature began to drop DOWN, DOWN, DOWN like a rock thrown into a well. At first, temptation shouted for me to wrap a blanket around myself, to refuse the chill of the cold, the sharp edge of it's caress. But then I recalled the glory of the Yuuzhan Vong. I allowed the icy air to STAB AT ME. I EMBRACED THE COLD ~ and was _empowered_ by it. Another lesson learned and another step closer to transcending my existence as crude matter.
posted by bargle at 3:32 PM on August 24, 2001

funny as hell. accurate to boot.
posted by fishfucker at 3:39 PM on August 24, 2001

</ thread>
posted by terrapin at 3:40 PM on August 24, 2001

poster complains this is a 'non-story', impressing only himself.
posted by jcterminal at 3:48 PM on August 24, 2001

Hijack thread, use it as personal weblog:

As I was walking home this evening, a little girl was riding her bike in
the middle of the street. She still had the training wheels on as she
wobbled and struggled to peddle. It reminded me of when I was little
and how badly I wanted a bicycle but couldn't get one. My parents
wouldn't let me have a bike until I was 12; my mom was too afraid I'd
hurt myself. I'd pass the bike section in the store and just look, having
given up asking my parents about it long ago. I eventually did get one
after much pleading and begging. Amazingly, getting my driver's license
at 16 and the subsequent borrowing of the family car passed without
incident.

posted by thirteen at 3:55 PM on August 24, 2001

Bellybuttons.


Reading this thread is like stareing into your own for far too long.
posted by Jeremy at 3:56 PM on August 24, 2001

confusion at having seen this before on k5 and imagination of seeing it on mefi but not being able to find it.

relief at other posters finding said threads and pointing them out.

disgust with self for not being able to find them.

disgust with self for participating.

ultimate self loathing for verbose attempt at snarkyness
posted by mutagen at 3:58 PM on August 24, 2001

Hijacking hijacked thread, for another personal weblog:

It reminded me of the time I was walking home and was almost hit by this crazy 16 year old driver who apparently had borrowed the family car. As I picked myself up out of the gutter, brushing off old cigarette butts and discarded coffee-cup lids, I thought to myself: "I just bet one day that same 16 year old driver will post to a community weblog that their driving escapade passed 'without incident'"
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:59 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment giving the Objectivist viewpoint on the thread topic.
posted by mw at 4:13 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment slagging Ayn Rand as a writer of turgid prose, whose "philosophy" is laughably simplistic.
posted by mw at 4:15 PM on August 24, 2001

Last poster closes the thread!
posted by dagny at 4:26 PM on August 24, 2001

Link to today's "Family Circle", which shows Little Billy's path around the neighborhood as he tries to follow this thread
posted by skyscraper at 4:30 PM on August 24, 2001

obnoxious bastard reopens the thread.
posted by jcterminal at 4:31 PM on August 24, 2001

poster complains about 'not being fast enough'.
posted by jcterminal at 4:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Are we talking about milofilter? I miss it too.
posted by samsara at 4:34 PM on August 24, 2001

See what I get for sleeping after working all night, I have come to the party late. Ah, well at least I made it.
posted by bjgeiger at 4:34 PM on August 24, 2001

perhaps lintfilter?

Because the first thing that pops into my head when I think "lintfilter" is giant strawberries in the bay.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:43 PM on August 24, 2001

Correct use of HTML markup.

Nonetheless producing unwanted whitespace.

Awaiting gormless correction to “bluespace.”

posted by joeclark at 4:48 PM on August 24, 2001

A post that wonders what the longest thread on Mefi is, despite previous similar queries.
posted by daveadams at 4:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Post proudly announcing that this is my 100th post.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 4:56 PM on August 24, 2001

Rosebud!
posted by Chief Typist at 5:00 PM on August 24, 2001 [3 favorites]

casual post which attempts to sum up all other posts that went before it into one carefully constructed, highly condensed philosophical statement thereby serving to not only divert all attention to postee whilst giving others the solid impression that he/she is in fact their natural born leader who now owns them, but also in illustration of such amazing superiority wastes no time in backing up their rightful claim to such a status by subliminally emphasizing that it took everyone else nearly 200 posts to reach his/her guru like level of inherent awareness on the thread in questions abstract (to them) subject matter and that it was all just irrelevant now anyhow with it being such old news these days and that everyone else would have just had to have been there at the time to ever really know that. which of course they just weren't. and neither was he/she, but they don't know that. and which, when examined from a psychological perspective, would be the underlying cause for him/her posting in such a tone to begin with.
posted by Kino at 5:02 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment giving the Objectivist viewpoint on the thread topic.

Snide and rude comment saying that the previous poster should leave such comments to the experts.
posted by fooljay at 5:02 PM on August 24, 2001

A quick followup post because the author is too careless to include all of the information in the first comment
posted by fooljay at 5:03 PM on August 24, 2001

A completely useless second followup usually with some sort of smiley at the end :-)
posted by fooljay at 5:04 PM on August 24, 2001

reposts post so as to be sure everyone viewing in the same font size as them knows it wasn't him/her who did something slightly different with their formatting and therefore frowned upon amongst MeFi clique elites.
posted by Kino at 5:07 PM on August 24, 2001

casual post which attempts to sum up all other posts that went before it into one carefully constructed, highly condensed philosophical statement thereby serving to not only divert all attention to postee whilst giving others the solid impression that he/she is in fact their natural born leader who now owns them, but also in illustration of such amazing superiority wastes no time in backing up their rightful claim to such a status by subliminally emphasizing that it took everyone else nearly 200 posts to reach his/her guru like level of inherent awareness on the thread in questions abstract (to them) subject matter and that it was all just irrelevant now anyhow with it being such old news these days and that everyone else would have just had to have been there at the time to ever really know that. which of course they just weren't. and neither was he/she, but they don't know that. and which, when examined from a psychological perspective, would be the underlying cause for him/her posting in such a tone to begin with.
posted by Kino at 5:08 PM on August 24, 2001

realizes that not everyone is viewing in same font-size as them and makes a joke about it so as for it to be overlooked and for him/her to be able to regain favor amongst aforementioned elite.
posted by Kino at 5:11 PM on August 24, 2001

A post detailing how a change in government policy to suit my pet political issue would solve this problem entirely and make this discussion moot.
posted by daveadams at 5:14 PM on August 24, 2001

Did anyone see that Wil Weaton has a weblog?
posted by mikel at 5:19 PM on August 24, 2001

ooglies!
posted by Satapher at 5:19 PM on August 24, 2001

*




*useless bandwidth sucking image.
posted by jcterminal at 5:31 PM on August 24, 2001

makes a post detailing how all party politics is just bollix anyway and explains that no matter what people do it's always just the same people in charge before trying to offer a glimpse of his/her own cool hedonistic 'wackiness' by saying fuck 'em all and lets all just do a Nero and party whilst Rome burns.
posted by Kino at 5:33 PM on August 24, 2001

hopes that nobody realized he/she injected 'Nero' and 'Rome' into the equation solely to offer the illusion that they did indeed have a good education, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, and that they in fact made a fully informed decision to embark on their choice of lifestyle after careful consideration of all the other options available.
posted by Kino at 5:37 PM on August 24, 2001

Paul is dead!
posted by fakeplastic at 5:47 PM on August 24, 2001

.:Kilroy wasn't here:.
posted by riffola at 5:48 PM on August 24, 2001

points out that the bandwidth sucking image was the product of a goopy rmx on Fipilele, and that you really aught to see it, making sure he/she anagrams the word so as to appear in the know about everything.
posted by Kino at 5:50 PM on August 24, 2001

An apathetic post complaining about apathy in young/old/minority/majority/country/history.
posted by skallas at 5:53 PM on August 24, 2001

yawn
posted by crunchland at 5:59 PM on August 24, 2001

*yawn*
posted by machaus at 6:01 PM on August 24, 2001

post intended to keep thread at top of every user's screen.
posted by tewedle at 6:02 PM on August 24, 2001

This thread may be the closest thing to a method for determining # of active Mefi posters.
posted by ParisParamus at 6:12 PM on August 24, 2001

post filled with spite and rage which ends on the dramatic note that user threatens to quit MeFi (again)
posted by Kino at 6:12 PM on August 24, 2001

Post where solistrato receives marriage proposal.
posted by fujikosmurf at 6:34 PM on August 24, 2001

Post defending previous Haiku post, including link to HAIKU TECHNIQUES by Jane Reichhold
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 6:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Post suggesting that, since my username ends with "Z", perhaps we could STOP now; certain to be followed by a comment from zempf, pointing out that if a Z could have closed the thread, he would have ended it long ago.

Also likely to bait someone to protest the exhortations to close the thread, soon to inspire another link to a MetaTalk thread.
posted by Zettai at 7:06 PM on August 24, 2001

Doesn't this belong in MetaTalk?
posted by mrbula at 7:15 PM on August 24, 2001

Post down here toward the end where I get miffed at ljr, shortly thereafter followed by a comment from holgate, followed by another from ljr and then me, and then ljr, and then after eight posts holgate, followed by people commenting at the last second to no one in particular, except the metafilter community and the Internet at large and perhaps a deity of their choice.
posted by raysmj at 7:21 PM on August 24, 2001

Post making sure that Bush has been blamed...

... called stupid... referred to by name but no more... nope.

Bush sucks. All his fault. Impeachment Now! Off in search of other entertainment.
posted by whatnotever at 7:29 PM on August 24, 2001

John 3:16
posted by Hankins at 8:07 PM on August 24, 2001

Poster commits messy suicide in despair at length of thread.
posted by darukaru at 8:22 PM on August 24, 2001

Post complaining about how some Mefi users just don't get the point of this thread and keep posting things that clearly don't fit in with the overall tone.

Snarky one-liner to ease the tension followed by a smiley. :)
posted by daveadams at 8:35 PM on August 24, 2001

yet another newbie expressing a desire to be part of the cool crowd and begging to be noticed. see the smiley face? --> :)

<mumbled under breath>yeah, like I've ever been part of any cool crowd since the beginning of time.</mumbled under breath>
posted by epersonae at 9:03 PM on August 24, 2001

Post utilizing irc "/me" style action structure to simulate the throwing of a dodgeball at previous poster.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 9:06 PM on August 24, 2001

post utilizing /kick action to make the page load quicker
posted by Kino at 9:22 PM on August 24, 2001

inane one-liner relevant to initial post
posted by mb01 at 9:29 PM on August 24, 2001

slightly disturbing non-sequitor.
posted by jcterminal at 9:50 PM on August 24, 2001

Ditto.
posted by phichens at 10:00 PM on August 24, 2001

POST IN BLOCK CAPITALS FOR ADDED ANNOYANCE FACTOR.
posted by Kino at 10:22 PM on August 24, 2001

This is the first sentence of this comment about this post. This is the second sentence. This sentence informs you that the second sentence was wholly plagiarized from This Is the Title of This Story, Which Is Also Found Several Times in the Story Itself. This sentence informs you that the next sentence is also plagiarized. This is a sentence that provides an ending to the first paragraph.

Slagging Objectivism and John Galt before its first comma, this first sentence in a new paragraph starts out by slagging Objectivism and then redundantly makes reference to that fact. This sentence has a link but does not explain what the link is in reference to. This is the final sentence of the paragraph which ends by proclaiming, "Baby, I've got your Wil Wheaton link, right here!"

This is the last sentence of this comment.
posted by otherchaz at 10:51 PM on August 24, 2001

Sheepish remark about being late to the party in attempt to look like regular poster (as opposed to regular lurker, which would be more accurate).
posted by swerve at 11:24 PM on August 24, 2001

Obligatory complaint that Metafilter is getting too crowded. Support theoretically provided by un-called-for slagging of particular posters for adding to thread noise and making problem even worse, though slagging is couched in unfailingly polite language nevertheless recognizable as a dig. Additional links provided that have tangential relationship to original topic but raise more questions than they answer. Still more links provided indicating that poster has spent far too much time obsessing over the importance of this one response in an enormous thread, though karma-whoring habits from /. die hard. Hope expressed that future discussion will ultimately come up with a solution that will please all, though when spoken aloud this sentence will remind one mainly of Rodney King.

Final note recognizing an earlier poster who was particularly funny as the incarnation of General Zod or another appropriate deity.
posted by dhartung at 11:36 PM on August 24, 2001

racism

I can't believe you said that!
posted by sudama at 1:04 AM on August 25, 2001

A supremely confident know-it-all post indicating that the following post is true..
posted by Kino at 6:31 AM on August 25, 2001

A too-smarmy-for-its-own-good post indicating that the previous post is false.
posted by Kino at 6:32 AM on August 25, 2001

A-post-that-uses-far-too-many-hyphens-to-show-it's-much-smarter-than-the-previous-two-posts-and-not-at-all-intimidated-by-them.
posted by Kino at 6:36 AM on August 25, 2001

A renegade post quite notable for its devoid of hyphen status <--- even though it really could do with a few that just doesn't care in the least what anyone thinks of it and consists almost entirely of comments making it clear that it doesn't.
posted by Kino at 6:52 AM on August 25, 2001

Three word comment.
posted by waxpancake at 9:13 AM on August 25, 2001

A potential award winning thesis of a 3000 word post by an expert in the field that fully analyses all of the issues at hand whilst also making the effort of going to great pains to keep it in simple laymens terms so everyone can benefit but which nobody reads or responds to anyway.
posted by Kino at 9:53 AM on August 25, 2001

Isn't Baby Jesus supposed to put in a cameo and cry?
posted by kokogiak at 10:36 AM on August 25, 2001

Post expressing mild annoyance with the whole Baby Jesus thing, which a couple of months earlier would have been a mildly humorous note posted in a sort-of "we'll just play along" fashion.
posted by raysmj at 11:36 AM on August 25, 2001

Post asking dude, where's my car?
posted by Marquis at 11:42 AM on August 25, 2001

An off the wall, qwerky-esque post stating 'dude, i didn't know your car had died' posed in such a way so as to not cause any undue friction, whilst still giving the impression i'm part of some kind of clique, but without going so far as to be punctuated with an emoticon.
posted by Kino at 12:14 PM on August 25, 2001

Missing the old days of this thread before I had seen, and had my life changed by: Mongo, Indiana.
posted by tj at 1:13 PM on August 25, 2001

The last post made by someone arriving late, and trying to get the last word in.
posted by mkn at 2:50 PM on August 25, 2001

In desparation for attention, rarely seen member launches into account of drying towels with the back of donkey.
posted by davidgentle at 2:52 PM on August 25, 2001

# 244: Just goes to show that we're much more interested in making fun of ourselves than discussing. How very Derrida of us.
posted by zpousman at 4:04 PM on August 25, 2001

Post mentioning the fact that it's my birthday today.
posted by ookamaka at 5:30 PM on August 25, 2001

Post mentioning the fact that my birthday is 5 months away.
posted by azazello at 6:02 PM on August 25, 2001

Witty post about self-referential, self-replicating parodies. Digression about how nicely this fits with my current reading about memetics. Snobbish closing words.
posted by Iosephus at 6:07 PM on August 25, 2001

Comment pointing out the Matt hasn't commented on this thread yet, and wondering if maybe he doesn't approve, in which case I hereby completely disavow any association with the thread. I think it's dumb. Unless, of course, Matt thinks it's OK. Then I find it hilarious.
posted by jpoulos at 7:50 PM on August 25, 2001

Moo post.
posted by jragon at 2:14 AM on August 26, 2001

250
posted by bytecode at 9:02 AM on August 26, 2001

post lauding my user number over 10.070 freakin newbies who ruined the place
posted by Mick at 1:55 PM on August 26, 2001

feelingthepressue
posted by feelinglistless at 3:01 PM on August 26, 2001

Maliciously belated post several days later, when no one's paying attention and I can get the last word in.
posted by brownpau at 1:52 AM on August 27, 2001

Like hell you can.
posted by Optamystic at 2:16 AM on August 27, 2001

annoyed request for moratoriums on moratoriums. fnord!
posted by adampsyche at 4:20 AM on August 27, 2001

post 256. noting that the horse is now dead AND severely beaten
posted by tj at 9:30 AM on August 27, 2001

post noting that it is in fact with a whimper and not a bang.

*whimper*
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:16 AM on August 27, 2001

/me pantses Wil Weaton.
posted by jcterminal at 2:36 PM on August 27, 2001

I blame the lack of monkeys
posted by tj at 3:42 PM on August 27, 2001

I blame The Romans. I mean what have they ever done for us?
posted by feelinglistless at 4:14 PM on August 27, 2001

*Sets mode to -Wil Weaton
*Sets mode to +m
*Sets mode to +v monkeys
*Sets mode to +b !romans@*.it
*Changes topic to "100%*hotchimps*mp3's*freebananas*warez*freebananas* freebananas*warez*Comeget'em!!!!!!!!"
posted by Kino at 4:17 PM on August 27, 2001

Post suggesting that this thread becomes the new 1142 even though member has no clear idea what 1142 really is let alone whether another one is needed, or indeed possible.
posted by davehat at 9:56 PM on August 27, 2001

Do I get to claim last post? Last Post anyone? Going once, going twice....
posted by kokogiak at 8:23 AM on August 28, 2001

No, there can be no last post
posted by tj at 9:25 AM on August 28, 2001

trite pop culture reference

"It's a bug hunt man! GAME OVER MAN!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:58 AM on August 28, 2001

dammit Kafka! the quote is:

"No way man, that's it-- game over, man GAME OVER!"
posted by tj at 12:49 PM on August 28, 2001

post noting that I'm checking up on this thread like it is a child to see what kind of strangeness it is up to now
posted by tj at 12:51 PM on August 28, 2001

Post made after everyone has stopped caring and stopped posting.
Made by newbie with retarted name that only he thinks is funny, tries
to look smart
and
cleverly poetic
by useing the enter key too much.
posted by fuq at 1:43 PM on August 28, 2001

smarmy yet curt correction to fuq's misspelled word.

"using" not "useing"
posted by kokogiak at 9:55 AM on August 29, 2001

post noting that I am now a 9622 junkie
posted by tj at 11:50 AM on August 29, 2001

you're not the only one, tj.
posted by ColdChef at 11:54 AM on August 29, 2001

post telling kokogiak that I useed teh spelcheker and I alwaze use th speelcheccer evey tyme i post.

stoopit spel kheckr must hav mised that werd.
posted by fuq at 1:02 PM on August 29, 2001

Post opining that fuq was right in his previous assessment of himself. With a side of apologizing copiously to tj for misquoting. I think all the years of MST3K have resulted in crossed synapses.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:55 PM on August 29, 2001

post alluding to something that never happened.
posted by fuq at 2:35 PM on August 30, 2001

Slightly vacuous post attempting to rally the troops and take this thread up into the 500+ zone.

go team!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:19 AM on August 31, 2001

Over? OVER? Nothings over until WE decide it is.

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
HELL NO!
Germans?
Forget it. He's rolling

AND IT AIN"T OVER NOW!!!
posted by tj at 11:03 AM on August 31, 2001

I'm not sure, but that may be the first time Animal House has been quoted on MeFi
posted by tj at 11:04 AM on August 31, 2001

Post decrying posters that follow up their own posts, along with an unsupported declaration of certainty that Animal House has, indeed, been quoted before on MeFi.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 1:01 PM on August 31, 2001

sorry, had the thought after I got jumpy on the post button, too much caffeinne today.
posted by tj at 1:37 PM on August 31, 2001

Face it, folks. We've been abandoned. Ain't nobody here but us chickens.
posted by ColdChef at 2:53 PM on August 31, 2001

Post loudly berating ColdChef for his incredibly insensitive and offensive characterization of the noble chicken. Weak attempt to link this chicken commentary with both the recent PETAphilia occuring on the front page and the smear attempt on that most respectable of fowl by the hated El Pollo Loco fast food chain.

Insincere promise to seek counseling.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:28 PM on August 31, 2001

newbie sticking irrelevant comment in, trying to get the last word. newbie hopes that being up since 3am EDT should deflect criticisms, but has sinking suspicion this won't pass.

=yawn=

why are we here again?
posted by meep at 6:17 PM on August 31, 2001

Contrite for picking on chickens. Apology to the peckers and pullets of the world. Tee hee hee for saying "pecker and pullet."
posted by ColdChef at 10:44 PM on August 31, 2001

Good Night, Irene
posted by tj at 11:12 PM on August 31, 2001

damn, I wasn't SERIOUS.
posted by tj at 1:25 AM on September 3, 2001

Ha. A post subtly implying a tone of 'welcome back-ness' without saying the actual words. Cuz that'd just look 'wussy' and tread on the postee's 'cool'.
posted by Kino at 1:37 AM on September 3, 2001

nice, Kino, if I were less of a man, I'd challenge that... but to those who know truth, "it's all good"
posted by tj at 1:47 AM on September 3, 2001

Apparently I am less of a man....

anyway, here I will tell all, mainly because I don't give a shit if I'm considered cool or a drunk(and who is still reading this thread anyway???).

I came home friday night extremely drunk, after checking my mail I thought it would be funny (to me, anyway) to post an overly dramatic/tinge of truth sort of post, since I was taking off for the weekend... to be quite honest, I thought no one would take notice, after all I'm no one around here. Iguess I'm important enough for a few people to call me a drama queen at least.

I think most people missed the point, but whatever, I'm not Matt and it's not my site... so I don't feel the need to police anyone about anything, it's just not my place.



PS: Kino, how easy would it be to just start a new account, and not have to put up with BS like that if I wanted? baby buddha comes to mind
posted by tj at 2:09 AM on September 3, 2001

*smiles*
posted by baby buddha at 2:13 AM on September 3, 2001

[Turns into a little Japanese man and mutters...] Aharrr... There is often more truth in what people don't say than in what they do, baby buddha. Silence is deafening until listened to with attentive ear. Words unspoken carry substance hid deep beneath flames of blazing nightfire obscured until daylight comes. Wise warrior always carry a torch [Disappears in a cloud of smoke]
posted by Kino at 3:11 AM on September 3, 2001

impatiently hit post twice.
posted by fuq at 2:17 PM on September 4, 2001

impatiently hit post twice.
posted by fuq at 2:17 PM on September 4, 2001

Silence is deafening until listened to with attentive ear. Words unspoken carry substance hid deep beneath flames

That's wrong because if you realize that if one focuses on the true meaning of the Hagacure, taking into account it's very nature (being that it was put together not as a guide to living, but as a novelty) and divide that by the circumference of Pi, taking into account the O'Rielly Factor...[continues in that manner for several hundred words]...so, in conclusion, "9622" is not the number of this string, but a satanic message pointing to the location of the lost dutchman's mine, meaning that I'm sorry I hit "post" twice. Self-link.

Notes that string has gotten off-topic. Ironically blames newbies for this.
posted by fuq at 2:31 PM on September 4, 2001

Post which inquires about the identity of the aforementioned Irene and substitutesGood night, Ned.
posted by Octaviuz at 1:12 PM on September 6, 2001

Post crying out with faux-shock that people are still posting/reading to this time-waster of a thread (but actually serving as a clever attempt to get in the last word).

Sign-off with a pithy, yet tame insult to all losers who have read this far.
posted by kokogiak at 2:06 PM on September 6, 2001

Post intimating that the secret unknowable name of God can be found in a prime-number pattern running through this thread.

Quiet suggestion that it might be Steve

k
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:10 AM on September 10, 2001 [1 favorite]

Steve is not happy about being named.
posted by kokogiak at 2:07 PM on September 12, 2001 [1 favorite]

this is still going on?

[desire for last word]
posted by mkn at 11:19 PM on September 13, 2001

yes it is.

[beating a dead horse]
posted by ColdChef at 6:21 AM on September 14, 2001

Post making sure this thread doesn't go more than 3 days without a new post.

[horse unceasingly fails to move]
posted by davehat at 9:03 PM on September 16, 2001

Post wondering if this is how terrorists communicate before vowing to rid the web of abstract lengthy threads by smoking them out of their holes and relentlessly pursuing them.

[spots another three horses with human bodies come galloping out of nowhere and remarks on how he wasn't aware Princess Anne had that many kids]
posted by Kino at 10:30 PM on September 16, 2001

Intimation that previous post was a long way to go for a Princess Anne joke.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:54 AM on September 17, 2001

Last word!
posted by zempf at 7:14 PM on September 18, 2001

Denial of Last Word. (Thbbbpt!)
posted by kokogiak at 9:07 PM on September 18, 2001

Vague conjecture that this is not the beginning of the end, but is, perhaps, the end of the beginning [of post 9622].
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:27 AM on September 19, 2001

Ahem.. I said, LAST WORD.
posted by zempf at 8:45 AM on September 20, 2001

what was that?
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:44 AM on September 20, 2001

(This makes me think of being an adolescent, hanging on the phone, talking to someone who I had a crush on, and who was crushing back, how we would finish a long conversation and say "g'bye" "bye", and neither one would hang up, just hang there, listening silently to hear if the other had hung up first. After about 10 seconds I'd hear "Are you still there? Hang up!" "No you hang up"... devolving into silliness like we have above.)

"Are you all still there? Hang up!"
posted by kokogiak at 11:05 AM on September 20, 2001

Are you saying you have a crush on me? If so, I'm flattered, but I don't think my girlfriend will take to kindly to it. Anyway, last word again. Really, this time.
posted by zempf at 11:10 AM on September 20, 2001

Drunken post proclaiming post 9622 to still be a party, because as anyone can see, there's still chips and dip left.

"I ain't leavin, Officer!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:11 AM on September 20, 2001

It must have been a party. My head hurts and the carpet is squishy and stinks of stale beer.
posted by kokogiak at 3:09 PM on September 20, 2001

useless comment aimed at keeping 9622 at top of page for those who sort by recent comments, in order to quell the spate of WTC links.
posted by machaus at 2:37 PM on September 22, 2001

another useless comment, but I would like to point out that we still need more monkeys. (and I'm sad because my pet hamper died)
posted by tj at 10:12 AM on September 25, 2001

Post offering condolences on the death of tj's hamper. Solemn oath before assorted deities to do my best to include at least 20% more monkey content in all my posts.

monkey monkey monkey
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:45 PM on September 25, 2001

Munky. Hamper.
posted by kokogiak at 12:31 AM on September 26, 2001

OH MAN! Kafka, did you know that you're my hero?

Redneck monkeys may be funnier than the ones wearing engineer hats and smoking cigars
posted by tj at 11:29 AM on September 26, 2001

Monkees?
posted by ColdChef at 2:41 PM on September 26, 2001

Non, Le Singe et les deux Anes
posted by kokogiak at 9:50 AM on September 28, 2001

Xenophobic post demanding that kokogiak post in English and insinuating that, since he posted in French, he probably has a tendency to surrender with almost no provocation. Unfortunate giveaway post revealing non-French speaker is just paranoid that kokogiak is, in fact, making fun of him.

painfully embarrasing personal revelation that I had 12 years of French in school and yet was mostly unable to communicate in France, except to say "Une boite Gitanes s'il vous plait". Merde!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:18 AM on October 1, 2001

post wondering if anyone is still reading this.

inane comment in case anyone still is

//frustration at not having come sooner

?
posted by rorycberger at 11:47 AM on October 1, 2001

Neale-esque post continuing the joke beyond all reason and good taste.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 4:24 PM on October 1, 2001

yet another false claim of last post
posted by rorycberger at 1:05 PM on October 2, 2001

yet another false claim of last post
posted by rorycberger at 1:05 PM on October 2, 2001

yet another false claim of last post, but knowing in the depths of his heart that someone will come and pick up the torch.

oh, can't forget the monkey
posted by tj at 1:27 PM on October 2, 2001

Post suggesting the music might possibly swell to an inspirational creschendo as Friend to All Children, Kafkaesque, swings in on an incongruous vine, picks up the torch, and then just kind of dangles there, waiting for divine inspiration.

Could someone give me a push please?

oh, gratuitous and inexplicable pictures of bush babies with mrginally demented captions added for no good reason.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:13 PM on October 2, 2001

Ahem...

Once upon a time for dinner table tennis anyone who wants to can leave home for the first time table setting sun down by the old mill stream of consciousness was lost and found in the heart of jesus christ in a sidecar-load of groceries for less price is right makes might I say that you look lovely evening don't you think out loud music is ear damaging influences on children of all ages old story that begins simply tear off here you are ma'am can I suggest these earrings are simply divine inspiration giving up hope to see you sooner or later than you think I'll go to bed time stories for real readers of newspapers and television are wrecking my kid you not old boy oh boy meets girl school is out for the summer time blues guitar string me along by the skin of my teeth and gum your food basket ball is in your court now then how do you explain that is what I wanted to talk to you about time you got here you go down to the store your cans in a safe place your hands on the television star in your own movie house your pets in a dry spot the whales off the coast down the hill and put on the brake light your own way down yonder in the land of cotton and acrylic blend the eggs into the flour lightly touch the tip of your nose around a little bit of a problem solving trick all of your friends and family photo finish your supper dish out what you can take back that insult your neighbor came over for a cup of coffee grounds for divorce your wife swapping one for the other men don't act that way beyond your wildest dreams of youth and love to have you down to the office sometime later that same evening star light star bright young man of the house on Carroll street sweep away your fears for a future nation of idiots on parade marshall your own camp-fire girls let's do it once again from the top of the hat rack of rib your buddy system failure is grounds for withholding tax man in the moon probe around in the dark areas of clearing with cloudy skies later than never say never again you ask me for a raise your hands up high so I can see them off the wall hanging is an acceptable punishment for others crimes of the soul music for the hard of hearing impaired night vision quest for fire in the hole in the center of the donut shop around the mulberry bush men or mice in laboratory experiments in fear of the number thirteen in a baker's dozen eggs easy side up the stairs to your left hand in hand over your gun him down in cold blood on your hands of God is dead men tell no tales of the unexpected visitor from another planet Earth men decide their own fate is to die a slow death comes with many faces in the crowd around everyone and listen to a story that ends happily ever after.

Thank you.
posted by kokogiak at 8:58 PM on October 2, 2001 [1 favorite]

wow, that is unassailably cool kokogiak
posted by rorycberger at 9:28 PM on October 2, 2001

jaded comeback to kokogiak:

"Yeah, that's what they all say."
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:06 AM on October 3, 2001

If you're familiar with the area around NYU (or even if you're not, I suppose), there's a little hole in the wall called Boo Radley's--or at least there used to be, I haven't been there in years. There, the tables were covered in butcher paper, and there were crayons in a cup. My friends and I would write out long, collaborative, ale-assisted streams of consciousness--four of us standing up and rotating around the work, in a musical-chairs-kind of way, taking turns adding to the stream.

It was fun stuff, even if the stories we'd write always read much better while we were drunk. I still have one of them, packed away somewhere.

Thanks, kokogiak, for bringing that memory back to life.
posted by jpoulos at 11:05 AM on October 3, 2001

In fairness, I have to say the above screed was written by me many years back - I stumbled across it a few weeks ago and thought I'd share. (Awww).

Oh, and by the way "Last Post!"
posted by kokogiak at 12:10 PM on October 3, 2001

Post in which the author calls upon the reader to imagine, if he/she will, the poorly affected Irish accent of Brad Pitt in that IRA Harrison Ford movie, which the author himself did not actually see:

"By no means is it over"

mumbled apology occasioned by nagging doubt that that wasn't even the right quote.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:13 PM on October 3, 2001

ahem.. that movie is: The Devil's Own. I can't help it, I'm a movie geek (IMDB is for lightweights). It runs in the family um, is posting a link in this thread to my brother's book, a self link?

And nothing about that movie was memorable.
posted by tj at 7:07 PM on October 3, 2001

Has anyone else seen this MetaFilter parody? I'd love to comment on it, but I think everyone else might want to as well.
posted by kokogiak at 9:17 PM on October 3, 2001

Attempt to allude to that Memento movie and somehow make a joke about how poster lost ability to make memories around post #237, which sound good at its inception but now just sort of sputters

and falls



flat.

*smarmy ps hoping for extra points for concrete-poetry structure*
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:40 PM on October 3, 2001

There is no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing,
So the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes, the danger must be growing,
For the rowers keep on rowing,
And they're certainly not showing,
Any signs that they are slowing!
posted by tj at 7:57 AM on October 4, 2001

Is the Grisly Reaper mowing?
posted by kokogiak at 9:33 AM on October 4, 2001

Ah, when I was an infant, my mother used to sit me on her knee and sing me to sleep with the happy strains of "Is the Grisly Reaper Mowing"

*memories, like the corners of my mind*

btw, I bet if the Grim Reaper was mowing he'd have a stupendously badass Ride-In John Deere with headlights (so he could mow at night if he wanted to) and twin overhead cam with dualies and flames painted on the sides.

vroom!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:12 AM on October 4, 2001

*cough*

Last post.
posted by zempf at 12:59 PM on October 4, 2001

Zempf again cries "Last post!"
Then thread deteriorates
into shitty haiku

the horse transgresses
way beyond death by flogging
now begins to rot

kafkaesque wasting
his valuable work hours
typing these dumb lines
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:24 PM on October 4, 2001

What was that URL again? Can you spell it out for me...
http://www.llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.com/
http://www.thelongestdomainnameintheworldandthensomeandthensomemoreandmore.com/
posted by kokogiak at 4:36 PM on October 4, 2001

hey, i haven't had a chance to delve through 1142, but is it as ridiculously self-consciously endlesss as this thread is? or did people just have that much to say?
posted by rorycberger at 6:52 PM on October 4, 2001

cry in the darkness
ninety-six-twenty-two stands
pointless and alone
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:53 PM on October 4, 2001

Pointless but not altogether inappropriate inquiry as to whether or not TV's Wil Wheaton has been freed yet.
posted by brookedel at 3:24 AM on October 5, 2001

So, you are asking whether Free Wil exists or not?
posted by kokogiak at 7:45 AM on October 5, 2001

Free Wil Wheaton in every box of Shredded Mini-Wheatons.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:27 AM on October 5, 2001

"You load six Whea-tons and whadda you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt/
St. Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go/
I owe my soul to a thread that won't slow..."
posted by ColdChef at 9:58 AM on October 5, 2001

"I been referencing Wil Wheaton
Goin downtown
Alluding to Wil Wheaton
Whew! I'd like to step down!

Lord! I am so tired!
How long can this thread
Go ooooooon?

Five o'clock in the mornin
I'm postin before the sun
When my workday is over
I haven't got any work doooone!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:25 PM on October 5, 2001

Bombs are falling. People are dying right now. Too bad about the Emmys, eh?
posted by kokogiak at 1:37 PM on October 7, 2001

outraged comment complaining about making a joke out of people dying
posted by rorycberger at 5:48 PM on October 7, 2001

outraged comment that everyone keeps bring up the WTC
posted by rorycberger at 5:51 PM on October 7, 2001

Outraged comment, rife with moral indignation, demanding a return to silliness. This serious turn WILL NOT STAND!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:26 AM on October 8, 2001

Oh roar a roar for Alice, Nora Alice in the night:
For she has seen Aurora Borealis burning bright!
posted by kokogiak at 12:12 AM on October 9, 2001

Again zempf declares,
but this time in haiku form:
"This is the last post!"
posted by zempf at 7:13 AM on October 9, 2001

no last post for you
i still want to talk some more
end will never come
posted by rorycberger at 9:34 AM on October 9, 2001

firecracker firecracker sis boom bah!
9622 rah rah rah!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:57 AM on October 9, 2001

"no comment from me," so quoth will.
and of comments i'd had my fill.
but my cries of "last post"
went ignored by most
and today they are commenting still.
posted by zempf at 10:10 AM on October 9, 2001

When haiku takes a back seat to limericks
Then of hope there's not even a glimmer it's
like passing the time
looking for rhymes
to a bastardly tough word like limericks.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:05 AM on October 9, 2001

But K, haiku's so overdone;
that five-seven-five's just no fun.
Can you think of a way
that's better to say
that the battle for last post I've won?
posted by zempf at 11:17 AM on October 9, 2001

Zempf, I think that you'll have to agree
That the poems have made others flee
So keep your jabs terse
In all forms of verse
And concede the last poster is me
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:03 PM on October 9, 2001

Zempf, I think that you'll have to agree
That the poems have made others flee
So keep your jabs terse
In all forms of verse
And concede the last poster is me
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:04 PM on October 9, 2001

doh!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:05 PM on October 9, 2001

There once was a post 'twas made twice,
and so I will try to be nice:
To save you the trouble
of again posting double,
concede last post per my advice.
posted by zempf at 1:53 PM on October 9, 2001

Although I've kept quiet, on side
I have listened to comments, all snide
Can't we all just agree
More posts mean more glee
And away with the silly, let's ride...
posted by ColdChef at 2:30 PM on October 9, 2001

Or, if you prefer:

Dead horse is beaten
But the force of the lashes
Makes tiny movement
posted by ColdChef at 2:42 PM on October 9, 2001

the cold chef returns
wielding haiku poem
adding spice to thread

zempf is once again
denied smallest victory
for his last post hopes

in the cold blackness
posters scream out silently
but no-one listens
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:38 PM on October 9, 2001

Go Indians.

Last post.
posted by zempf at 5:04 PM on October 9, 2001

large ascii-art with Bender saying "last post", and then in smaller letters "so kiss my shiny metal ass"

small-font subscript aknowledging the fact that this is also poster's first post to the thread
posted by signal at 5:36 PM on October 9, 2001

Ah, but it's good to have some signal in here to compete with all the noise.

Damn am I funny.
posted by zempf at 7:24 PM on October 9, 2001

The rough ploughman coughed - deep in thought, he walked through the alleys of Marlborough - earlier he had fallen into a slough while eating dough .
posted by kokogiak at 8:53 PM on October 9, 2001

yellow card to kokogiak for using all possible pronunciations of "ough".

Don't let it happen again, son.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:33 PM on October 9, 2001

Sorry, soughn.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:33 PM on October 9, 2001

Dejected post, mumbling criticism of kafkaesque (damn him for having hard-to-type username) - soccer/son references should be kept to Sigur Ros thread.
posted by kokogiak at 9:11 AM on October 10, 2001

So any guesses as to when we'll catch up to that other thread?
posted by zempf at 9:36 AM on October 10, 2001

hey, i haven't had a chance to delve through 1142, but is it as ridiculously self-consciously endlesss as this thread is? or did people just have that much to say?

(1) yes.
(2) you don't delve through 1142. you live 1142.
posted by iceberg273 at 9:43 AM on October 10, 2001

Why do people dress up their pets?
posted by tj at 10:09 AM on October 10, 2001

The important question here is, who's going to go set up 9622.org?
posted by zempf at 10:37 AM on October 10, 2001

believe it or not:

Organization:
iCause
Celeste Wroblewski
6621 N. Washtenaw Ave.
Chicago, IL 60645-5003
US
Phone: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]

Registrar Name....: Register.com
Registrar Whois...: whois.register.com
Registrar Homepage: http://www.register.com

Domain Name: 9622.ORG

Created on..............: Mon, Nov 29, 1999
Expires on..............: Thu, Nov 29, 2001
Record last updated on..: Fri, Jun 02, 2000

Administrative Contact:
iCause
Celeste Wroblewski
6621 N. Washtenaw Ave.
Chicago, IL 60645-5003
US
Phone: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]

Technical Contact, Zone Contact:
Register.Com
Domain Registrar
575 8th Avenue - 11th Floor
New York, NY 10018
US
Phone: [phone]
Fax..: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]

Domain servers in listed order:

DNS13.REGISTER.COM 209.67.50.208
DNS14.REGISTER.COM 209.67.50.209



It expires next month! Any takers?
posted by signal at 10:55 AM on October 10, 2001

9622.com is also, taken, as is 9622.net. how about 9622.box.sk?
posted by signal at 11:01 AM on October 10, 2001

Aw, that's depressing. Who would've thought that 9622 would be so popular? The worst part is, despite the fact that it was registered nearly two years ago, 9622.org still features a register.com "Coming Soon..." page.
posted by zempf at 11:07 AM on October 10, 2001

suggestion that the "9622.org" debacle could be proper launching pad for creation of mefi TLD. 9622.mefi?
posted by signal at 11:14 AM on October 10, 2001

I would join 9622.org, but only to make disparaging posts about how crappy it was.
posted by daveadams at 1:46 PM on October 10, 2001

poseurs.
posted by anildash at 7:43 PM on October 10, 2001

Hey zempf, what the hell are you doing over here? We've been missing you!
posted by Avogadro at 9:17 AM on October 11, 2001

Sorry, I just couldn't keep up with the volume of 1142. I still pop in on occasion, only to realize that I've dropped another 20,000 posts behind & I generally get discouraged & decide I should maybe visit when I've got a few days to spare.
posted by zempf at 11:34 AM on October 11, 2001

Okay, so that would make this "9622, the 1142 it's okay to like"?
posted by kokogiak at 12:43 PM on October 11, 2001

Ah! Mr Avogadro. Another innocent 1142er who just happened to wander into 9622.......

tj! Get the rope!

kokogiak! Compose self-referentially non-rhyming poetry!

zempf! make a futile claim to the last post!

It's all falling into place...mwahaha!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:20 PM on October 11, 2001

Monkey on rope, sir!
posted by tj at 5:40 PM on October 11, 2001

or is this looking more like someone (Mr. Avogardo) trying to stage an intervention?
posted by tj at 9:01 PM on October 11, 2001

Quick, buttress self with bats! Beguile all with monkey-charms!

Tonight we run - our sight infrared. White trees flash past - I see the dark cold water in the distance.

Our heads will sizzle... posts will be gets and 200 will be 404.
posted by kokogiak at 9:34 PM on October 11, 2001

seems the mefi cabal at 1142 is taking exception to our fun. they can have their cabal, I prefer to be thougt of as the court jesters of mefi, any comments Kafka?
posted by tj at 10:01 AM on October 12, 2001

Honestly?

If it's a problem, I don't really need to keep being an ass in here. I can be an ass anywhere, as I think I have demonstrated time and again in other threads.

Until then, bar the windows! Fetch the boiling oil! I think I see daveadams coming over the hill with a trebuchet.

Kokogiak! Boiling oil!

tj! Pithy pop culture references!

Quick! We need bad puns! someone fetch UncleFes!

Can no-one save us?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:34 PM on October 12, 2001

(Fiddles with knobs on stove) Dammit... hmm.

(flips through tattered Betty Crocker cookbook)... Ummm.

(Leans head around corner) Hey guys? Is Canola Oil okay? What about just plain vegetable oil?... Guys?

(Shakes head, turns back to stove, grumbles to self) What temperature does Canola Oil boil at anyhow? I guess 400 degrees should probably do it... I hope they don't need more than two cups - and - Hey, if I give it to them in my pyrex bowl, how do I know they'll return it? ...

(stares at bowl) Maybe I shoulda tried olive oil...
posted by kokogiak at 2:27 PM on October 12, 2001

OK, let's move it along people. Nothing more to see here.

*Strings yellow police scene tape around perimeter of thread*

This thread's been sealed.

Back on your heads!

Hmmm. First Kafkaesque is a cop over on 11390, now he's barricading us within the thread. He's on a maniacal roll today. That's it. I'm starting a coup on the inside.

He can take our thread, but he'll never take...OUR FREEDOM!
posted by ColdChef at 3:56 PM on October 12, 2001

posted by jpoulos at 4:02 PM on October 12, 2001

Hey, remember what happened to Mel Gibson, ColdChef. Even now I can see a midget mime pulling out your intestines.

Seriously, I didn't mean to offend anybody. And I certainly don't think I have any more influence, or even as much influence, as most of the people here on MeFi. I wish only to continue in the role of amiable rogue.

If anyone wants to put a bullet in the back of my power-crazed head, here you go.

Look into your heart! I'm prayin to you!
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:49 PM on October 12, 2001

Actually, my call to action was a RUSE to ferret out the disloyal amongst us! You see! I was forever faithful! Let those who joined my rebellion be put to death!

hmmm...noticing here that no one joined me...well...Good!

That means we are all loyal to you, Great One.

for now...


PS Mad Props to you for recognizing my poor "Braveheart" homage.
posted by ColdChef at 5:15 PM on October 12, 2001

No! Listen to me!

YOU ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:18 AM on October 13, 2001

(Chanting together) WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE...
posted by ColdChef at 9:16 AM on October 13, 2001

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of
the world.
posted by signal at 2:02 AM on October 14, 2001

And I am number four hundred. Whoopee!
posted by ColdChef at 1:41 PM on October 14, 2001

And now, for another much needed Monkey-fix. Monkey Sounds.
posted by kokogiak at 3:51 PM on October 15, 2001

Shake your monkey maker.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:29 PM on October 15, 2001

With my mind on my monkey
and my monkey on my mind.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:30 PM on October 15, 2001

You folks make me smile.
posted by Avogadro at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2001

Get your monkey for nothin'
And your chips for free.
posted by tj at 9:33 AM on October 16, 2001

Monkey! Monkey changes everything...
posted by ColdChef at 9:47 AM on October 16, 2001

I don't care too
Much for monkeys
Monkeys can't buy me love.

Actually, monkeys may have bought me love in my younger days. But those records were destroyed when I turned 18, and you can't prove a damn thing.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:37 AM on October 16, 2001

Maybe you'd like some Monkeys catching bananas... and bombs?!
posted by kokogiak at 12:13 PM on October 16, 2001

Gahhh! More monkey!
posted by kokogiak at 12:23 PM on October 16, 2001

That game had a certain zen beauty to it. After about the 200th point though, I was fighting an internal struggle to just let the damn monkeys get blowed up in the interest of moving on with my life, a complex philosophical dilemma we all face in one way or another every day of our lives.

And that's one to grow on.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:28 PM on October 16, 2001

monkey is the root of all evil
posted by rorycberger at 4:58 PM on October 16, 2001

/me charges jpoulos for misspelling my name in the MeTa thread, tacking him before he reaches first base.
posted by Avogadro at 8:55 AM on October 17, 2001

mmmm

shamelessly liberated from misterpants.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:27 AM on October 17, 2001

Ahh, but what you don't realize, AvOgadro, is that I'm not really jpoulos at all! I'm a gorilla in a jpoulos suit! BwaHA HA HA HA...

Wait, wait "CUT!"

I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owner alone on the set)
posted by jpoulos at 12:09 PM on October 17, 2001

Dear sirs and madam

I strenuously object to tone that this thread is taking in diverging from the good old fashioned silliness that we have come to expect and love here in 9622. I mean , I don't eat squirrels, do I? Well, maybe I do.

Admiral Knickers (deceased)

ps And I would further like to assert that there is NO cannibalism in the Navy. And when I say "no" cannibalism I mean, of course, that there is certain amount.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:11 PM on October 17, 2001

I'd like to apologize for Kafkaesque's last comment regarding cannibalism in the Navy, (not to mention his haiku). Those responsible have been sacked.
posted by jpoulos at 8:59 PM on October 17, 2001

And a further update that those responsible for sacking the people who were responsible for both my comment AND my unbearable haiku have been sacked.

In addition the people who coerced jpoulos into such an obstreperous post have been sacked.

As have all of your villages, convents and crops.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:42 PM on October 17, 2001

can I have a sack of monkeys?
posted by tj at 8:30 AM on October 18, 2001

Unavoidably, and possibly unfortunately, tj and all of his monkeys have been sacked. I would like to point out that it is not the position of this company that monkeys should be in sacks, though we are at pains to remind the public at large that if monkeys wish to wear sacks on their little monkey heads, that would be just fine.

Because it's kind of cute and makes them look like little monkey hostages.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:38 AM on October 18, 2001

let my people(meaning of course, monkeys) go!
posted by tj at 9:49 AM on October 18, 2001

Hey man, if I let the monkey hostages go, what's next? Next thing you know I've got to let all the eels go, then the hyraxes. It'd be chaos.

Just think about it, man.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:31 AM on October 19, 2001

mmm... chaos, it's what's for dinner
posted by tj at 10:42 AM on October 19, 2001

Someone should invite Miguel to the party. He could use a little silly.
posted by ColdChef at 12:04 PM on October 19, 2001

/me sides up to the Nutramatic-Primate-Machine, squints at the instructions, pushes the "Monkey" button and puts in some coins. The machine coughs. It splutters. It whirrs for a while, then splutters some more. It continues to do this for about 5 minutes. Finally, a little red light becomes a little green light and a plastic door on the side wheezes up, revealing a creature which is almost, but not quite, the exact opposite of a monkey.
/me groans. "Stupid machine", and goes to see if there's anything to eat in the spaceship.
posted by signal at 12:57 PM on October 19, 2001

One Brownian Motion allusion from you, signal, and you're outta here.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:14 PM on October 19, 2001

Kafkaesque: actually, thre's no need to use old-fashioned methods like brownian motion generators, just line up all the monkeys in front of a bunch of old Olivettis and voila!
posted by signal at 1:21 PM on October 19, 2001

Hey! That better not be a thinly veiled wilwheaton.net reference either.

Not to suggest a momentary topic here or anything, but I tried to read his weblog for a couple of days, and now it just kind of makes me ill. All the sycophantic comments are just creepy.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:49 PM on October 19, 2001

Kafkaesque: it is, as is everything else, a combined Simpsons/Borges reference.

*sigh*. Nobody gets my allusions.
posted by signal at 3:51 PM on October 19, 2001

I have allusions of granduer, or is that delusions? eh, whatever!
posted by tj at 5:54 PM on October 19, 2001

I had a hell of a Brownian Motion this morning after all that beer last night, I tells ya....


::senses he is about to be sacked::
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:31 PM on October 19, 2001

Semprini!?
posted by brookedel at 5:00 AM on October 20, 2001

kn*ckers

and kn*ckers
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:59 AM on October 20, 2001

And by the way, stavros, was that a Newcastle Brownian Motion?

I would recommend your sacking, stavros, but I wouldn't want PETA all up in my Kool Aid.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:01 PM on October 20, 2001

::Crashes through brick wall::

"Ohhhh, yeaaahh!"
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:51 AM on October 21, 2001

Come on, everybody drink the Kool-Aid. Can you guys start though? I want to see if it's um, got enough sugar.
posted by tj at 9:35 AM on October 22, 2001

You know something's happening but you don't know what it is.

Do you, Mr. Jones?
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:34 AM on October 22, 2001

Copious apologies for tired Bob Dylan reference.

Note to self: Do not drink Jasco until AFTER noon next time.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:13 PM on October 22, 2001

Memo to myself: do the dumb things I gotta do...touch the puppet head.

Slight apologies for obscure They Might Be Giants reference.
posted by ColdChef at 1:22 PM on October 22, 2001

Note to self: touch puppet head.

self-reflexive apologies for ColdChef reference.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:09 PM on October 22, 2001

Curiousity about whether 'the puppet head' is a sexual reference.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:18 PM on October 22, 2001

Touch it and see.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:20 PM on October 22, 2001

That's what you say to all the poultry.
posted by brookedel at 10:46 PM on October 22, 2001

I leave this place for a while and it falls into sexual poultry innuendo. Sheesh. You'd think just anyone could wander in here. Nothing Pithy (or even pissy) tonight. For I have survived the Great Family Gathering and must now recover by absorbing all things Internet to make up for a week of Fasting.
posted by kokogiak at 1:19 AM on October 23, 2001

Big Bird? You ain't never seen a big bird, baby.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:26 AM on October 23, 2001

posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:06 AM on October 23, 2001

Lookit the gams on dat baby!

Hello, nurse!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:23 AM on October 23, 2001

I feel all dirty now. Also a little hungry.
posted by tj at 11:45 AM on October 23, 2001

Comment from naive young girl about how scary the "real" world must be if this is what goes on out there.
You guys are weird. But in the land of geeks, weird is good.
posted by nprigoda at 12:55 PM on October 23, 2001

In the land of the geeks, the one-eyed chicken is king!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:54 PM on October 23, 2001

WHAT? Stavros is a penis?
posted by nprigoda at 2:01 PM on October 23, 2001

Naïve young girl, my eye!

I meant nothing of the sort. Get your mind out the gutter and start livin' right.

Hellfire awaits!
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:58 PM on October 23, 2001

Testify!

BTW, we find the term "geek" offensive. Geeks bite the heads off chickens whereas we don't like the phrases "chicken", "head", and "bite" to all be used in the same sentence.* Got it?


* Unless this is the sentence: It bites that Stavrosthewonderchicken hardly ever gets head.)

posted by ColdChef at 3:22 PM on October 23, 2001

sorry, I've already done my penance.
so, if "geek" isn't the preferred term, what is? "omnipotent rulers of all that is good"?
posted by nprigoda at 8:37 PM on October 23, 2001

Or, just "gods" will do.
posted by kokogiak at 9:02 PM on October 23, 2001

cool, I'm all over that. But it will have to be "gods" with a small "g". Just so you know.
posted by nprigoda at 5:32 AM on October 24, 2001

ooh! ooh! can I be the god of Preprocessed pork products, or maybe just processed meat in general?

And lo, there were porkrinds and beef jerky!
posted by tj at 7:46 AM on October 24, 2001

I dub thee Lord of Reclaimed Meat.

Arise sir tj, and go into the world, spreading the message of love and those little hard things that break your teeth and you're not sure whether they're bits of bone or not.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:44 AM on October 24, 2001

Could I be the Earl of Mechanically Separated Chicken?
posted by skyscraper at 9:27 AM on October 24, 2001

ah yes, Beef Jerky can be a fickle mistress...
posted by tj at 9:31 AM on October 24, 2001

I claim Tutelar Spirit Of Those Stupid Mistakes That For A Brief Shining Moment Seem To Be Actually Serendipitous Discoveries Which Will Finally Advance You To The Station You Deserve In Life And Prove To All The Suckers That You're Smarter Than You Look You Just Hadn't Got A Break Yet But Then You Realize It Is A Stupid Mistake After All And It'll Cost The Company Thousands To Fix So You Cover It Up And Blame The New Kid.
posted by signal at 9:50 AM on October 24, 2001

I think I'll go for Earl of Unfortunate Coincidences.

or Patron Saint of Quality Footwear and Erotically Shaped Tubers.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:58 AM on October 24, 2001

Patron Saint of Quality Footwear

*whistle* Spinal Tap reference! Penalty: five yards.

Unless you actually ARE a St. Hubbins.
posted by ColdChef at 11:31 AM on October 24, 2001

I should like to be known hereafter as the god of Pronunciation, with all proper powers granted me to smite heartily those that utter "nuc-yoo-lar", "ax me a question", "alls you gotta do is", and of course ".jif" instead of ".gif"
posted by kokogiak at 11:50 AM on October 24, 2001

The eternal question:

Missour-EE?
Missour-UH?
posted by brookedel at 12:24 PM on October 24, 2001

Hmm

Guess I'd better take Patron Saint of Dead Horses.

or Seahorses.

make it Patron Saint of Wounded Seahorses.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:03 PM on October 24, 2001

"Toe-MAY-to, Toe-MAH-toe." Okay, I can see that.
"Poe-TAY-to, Poe-TAH-toe"? "Poe-TAH-toe?"

Who the phuck says "Poe-TAH-toe Chip?"

(let's call the whole thing off.)

posted by ColdChef at 1:09 PM on October 24, 2001

I say Poe-TEE-toe

and then I start to laugh maniacally until the other diners begin to edge away from me looking at each other worriedly.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:17 PM on October 24, 2001

They're on to us.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:37 PM on October 24, 2001

Tito Tito Tito Tito

Po' Tito.
posted by skyscraper at 2:29 PM on October 24, 2001

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
*sigh*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:40 PM on October 24, 2001

Okay. Some things I must share. Newly discovered Giant Fucking Crocodile! With a great name: Sarcosuchus Imperator.

And, as an additional non-sequitor. What the Hell is this about?
posted by kokogiak at 2:55 PM on October 24, 2001

Or this?
posted by kokogiak at 3:35 PM on October 24, 2001

On cold, foggy October nights you can sometimes see the chill spectre of The Headless Bowler skating on her magic iceskates, deep in the teak forest.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:55 PM on October 24, 2001

Veterinarian Tom Barkham is also owner of Rochester Cider Mill. In his Paint Creek Animal Shelter in Rochester looking at x-rays of a cat but not of the cat he is holding.

AHAHAHAHA! WTF? And this is noteworthy...why?

Way to stay on top of things, yahoo.
posted by ColdChef at 3:56 PM on October 24, 2001

And this is noteworthy...why?

in case people were worried about that cute cat he is holding, of course. such concerned folk will be glad to know that that cat is fine, and that the vet makes cider.
posted by rorycberger at 4:18 PM on October 24, 2001

That's not cider.

And there's a VERY good reason the ol' doc is checking Fluffy's urinary tract.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:22 PM on October 24, 2001

Hey! Speaking of monkeyfucking...

(okay, so nobody was talking about monkeyfucking, but why shouldn't we?)
posted by ColdChef at 4:57 PM on October 24, 2001

They're on to us.

Wow. I've never been one of them before -- always jus' been one of us....


That's not cider.

And there's a VERY good reason the ol' doc is checking Fluffy's urinary tract.

Indeed. The "cider" is in fact Animal Growth Hormone (AGH). And the "cat" whose urinary tract is depicted in the x-ray is pictured here. And Richie Sambora, who saw the whole thing, still hasn't recovered....
posted by mattpfeff at 10:30 PM on October 24, 2001

please, we don't want wil wheaton (theat's right, he doesn't even get capital letters anymore) in here talking about "The Bonge" again.

Are we the indie 1142?
posted by tj at 7:57 AM on October 25, 2001

tj, careful there, to name the Dark One is to summon him.

Welcome to the crystalline waters of 9622, mattpreff. Pull up an ottoman. Put on a bathrobe and a Funky Phantom mask. Later we will be playing tournament backgammon and Stay Alive.

Then the ice weasels come.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:34 AM on October 25, 2001

and beware the licking pig, for it is quick to anger.
posted by tj at 8:46 AM on October 25, 2001

Somebody teach him the handshake :

"1-2-3-4-5-You're great!"

"No, you're great!"

Now, boy, get me an Anthony Michael Hall and tell Elliot Gould to get out of the pool!
posted by ColdChef at 8:51 AM on October 25, 2001

Oh. My. Ummm, well, here. Big Hands indeed - all the better to touch said puppet head.
posted by kokogiak at 10:25 AM on October 25, 2001

Keep on topic, dammit!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:29 AM on October 25, 2001

Hooray! Miguel has finally embraced the wackyness that is 9622, and now I truly fear him
posted by tj at 10:41 AM on October 25, 2001

kokogiak: put your link and mine together and you'll get an idea of why will to milk is fast becoming MetaFilter's most popular tag.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:42 AM on October 25, 2001

I shall form a new Rock and Roll Band. Our name shall be Milton Wilk and the Will to Milk.
posted by kokogiak at 11:06 AM on October 25, 2001

Finally! A woman with the right tools to give me a proper handjob.
posted by ColdChef at 11:12 AM on October 25, 2001

What's everyone going to dress up as for Halloween?
posted by nprigoda at 11:22 AM on October 25, 2001

(fuckedkeyboard.com!)

Bear in mind you'll need a certifiable Goatman as a "roadie", if you get my "drift". May I suggest an acquaintance of mine? Please scroll down if you're serious about this proposition.
I should warn you, though, if you're already working on the PR, that "The Goatman has never been known to hurt or kill a man, but there have been numerous reports of animal mutilations in the area. It seems he prefers dogs..."
If you can deal with this aspect, kokogiak, I think we've got a winner on our hands and are now ready to accept suggestions for the first single.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:24 AM on October 25, 2001

Howza bout "Can't Milk This?"
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:36 AM on October 25, 2001

Dammit, Yahoo keeps moving my favorite. new. pet. (That huge freakin crocodile)
posted by kokogiak at 11:39 AM on October 25, 2001

What's everyone going to dress up as for Halloween?

I'm going as the scariest creature known to man:

a Portuguese "Cult" Writer!

(just kidding, I don't smoke cigars any more)


I'll probably just do what I always do: dip into my girlfriend's closet and expose my transvestite proclivities before repressing them for another year...
posted by ColdChef at 11:44 AM on October 25, 2001

From the link in my last comment:
"The head is made of semi-rigid foam rubber sandwiched between two layers of natural latex rubber. This design gives the head a solid structure to maintain its shape while providing sufficient flexibility to resist breakage if it is dropped."
hee hee... ack, I had too much candy at lunch again.
posted by nprigoda at 11:49 AM on October 25, 2001

halloween party (with people I work with, mind you) I'm going as a prison bitch.
posted by tj at 12:14 PM on October 25, 2001

I'm going as a prison bitch too, th.
Sorry, just biding my time. Hey guys: it's tomorrow already! Keep this going. Only 4 more comments to 500. Persist, brothers and sisters. Otherwise you know our licence will be revoked and we'll die.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:05 PM on October 25, 2001

Dammit: not th, but tj!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:07 PM on October 25, 2001

Miguel...seriously.

It's 4am in Portugal. Get some rest, buddy.

We'll be here when you get up in the morning.

You could "not work on your novel" then.
posted by ColdChef at 8:13 PM on October 25, 2001

*reminisces about monkey content in 9622*
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:26 PM on October 25, 2001

*cough*


(This cough brought to you by ColdChef)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:31 PM on October 25, 2001

I'd just like to say I think I'm getting a zit.
posted by jpoulos at 8:39 PM on October 25, 2001

or a boil. maybe it's a boil.
posted by jpoulos at 8:41 PM on October 25, 2001

welcome back, chickenman!
posted by ColdChef at 8:55 PM on October 25, 2001

I'd just like to say I think I'm getting a zit.

I hope it's not on your _____ ...
posted by mattpfeff at 9:02 PM on October 25, 2001

Put some Witch Hazel on that bad boy, jp.

Unless its growing eyes and teeth. Then you may have a problem.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:09 PM on October 25, 2001

ugh, I've been trying to come up with something interesting to add to this discussion this morning, but I can't. I'm thinking of quitting my job and becoming a barista at Starbucks. Higher pay and better benefits. Plus, their stock is still going up.
posted by nprigoda at 6:12 AM on October 26, 2001

MonkeyMan (since Kafka refuses to free the monkey hostages.
posted by tj at 6:58 AM on October 26, 2001

nprigoda: Sure, we'd all like to get a job at Starbucks, but just don't let your job become your obsession .
posted by ColdChef at 6:58 AM on October 26, 2001

apologizing to stavros for everyone else forgetting that he's in a WAY different time zone as well
posted by tj at 7:09 AM on October 26, 2001

Funny. I just washed in Sidamo and, suddenly, my complexion has never been clearer!
posted by jpoulos at 9:21 AM on October 26, 2001

Can I join the club? What's the initiation like?
posted by thekorruptor at 9:25 AM on October 26, 2001

y'all
posted by signal at 9:26 AM on October 26, 2001

initiation? well... just try to relax, you may feel a little discomfort.
posted by tj at 9:41 AM on October 26, 2001

signal? what does Monique have to do with this?
posted by tj at 9:43 AM on October 26, 2001

Don't worry, korruptor. It won't hurt...much. Most initiates survive the hour locked in a closet with a baboon. And of course we get to make up your new name.

Something about the mouse-shadow in the second moon I think.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:58 AM on October 26, 2001

Ah, this brings me memories from when I was back in the frat. The drinking games, the wooden paddles, the blindfolds, the shee..
oh, wait, maybe I shouldn't tell that story...

So, uh, what are you guys wearing for Halloween?
posted by thekorruptor at 10:09 AM on October 26, 2001

First rule... you must read, son. And Korruptor, I really didn't like Chow Yun Fat in your movie, he was a major letdown
posted by tj at 10:13 AM on October 26, 2001

Hey, welcome thekorruptor, to our little goatfest! No Chomsky here, thank God. Only revelry and stew. So stir the pot, Monique, and let the pygmies jump in...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:17 AM on October 26, 2001

Miguel! How dare you make fun of such a sad, solemn site?

Alas, poor Stinky. I know him well, Horatio...
posted by ColdChef at 11:07 AM on October 26, 2001

Just wanted to step in here for a minute and say that I am enjoying a tasty Crazy Chicken lunch at this very moment, and ending up with a greasy keyboard as a result. Just in case there is an increase in the general flatulence level in the near future, don't say I didn't warn you.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:38 AM on October 26, 2001

Miguel, I must say that you have unnatural goat-thing going on there.
posted by tj at 11:44 AM on October 26, 2001

whoops, make that AN unnatural goat thing, and English is my first language. w00t! (waaaaaayyy too much caffeinne today)
posted by tj at 11:54 AM on October 26, 2001

PGCH Ram Too Amos

This is from ColdChef's link - ewe devil, you! - and it uncannily reproduces, word for word, what a hapless Portuguese computer plumber said to me, this very afternoon, when I had him come over to check why all these goats keep popping up on my screen whenever I snort coffee all over my teclado!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:21 PM on October 26, 2001

K: You may think I'm joking, but I always take great interest in what you're having for lunch. No Togo's today?
posted by jpoulos at 12:25 PM on October 26, 2001

Strangely, I am in fact going to wear my goat-devil mask for Hallowe'en this year. I dig that mask. Got it on Bourbon Street last year. Red and black leather.

By the way, I am now wiping my chin with a moist towelette, a practice which always makes me wonder if my chin is getting cleaner or is just being drenched with chemicals.

[btw, no offense itended, Stavros. Your insane brethren are just so damn tasty though!]
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:35 PM on October 26, 2001

jpoulos, I am afraid I had to abandon Togo's in favor of free Crazy Chicken. I will keep you posted on further gastronomical developments.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:36 PM on October 26, 2001

tj: it'll be a sad, sad day when somebody needs a reason to post a picture of monique.
posted by signal at 12:41 PM on October 26, 2001

by the way, any other Slytherin House members here?
posted by signal at 12:46 PM on October 26, 2001

The prospective pledge slowly opens the door. He walks over to a group of people sitting at a table with colored chips on it. He waits for the perfect moment to begin the insightful conversation;

"So, what ya guys doing, playing cards?"
posted by thekorruptor at 1:14 PM on October 26, 2001

OK everybody! Indianhead poker time!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:39 PM on October 26, 2001

Have a good weekend, guys. I'll miss you! Can someone send me an e-mail whenever the topic changes, just so I can keep on top of things? ;)
posted by nprigoda at 1:44 PM on October 26, 2001

we have topics? keen!

The ante is 2 monkeys and 1 goat.
posted by tj at 1:55 PM on October 26, 2001

waitaminnit I thought we were playing tiddly-winks!
posted by tj at 1:55 PM on October 26, 2001

I'll raise you an echidna.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:01 PM on October 26, 2001

I'll match that and raise you a capabara
posted by tj at 2:05 PM on October 26, 2001

tj i'll see your piddly capabara and raise you 2 castoroides
posted by signal at 2:10 PM on October 26, 2001

Deal me in, here's my Chalicotherium goldfussi. (Careful, he bites)
posted by kokogiak at 2:11 PM on October 26, 2001

this is getting too rich for my blood... I'll see you guys later
posted by tj at 2:13 PM on October 26, 2001

I'm in for a skunk ape
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:15 PM on October 26, 2001

Um. Howzabouta chupacabra?
posted by jpoulos at 2:15 PM on October 26, 2001

I love how they have the outline of the Giant Beaver around the regular sized Beaver. It is helpful in explaining the principle that the Giant Beaver is bigger than the Regular Beaver.

Beaver Beaver Beaver.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:17 PM on October 26, 2001

You're gonna scare off Miguel's goats, jp!

hmm

OK go ahead!
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:18 PM on October 26, 2001

Wasn't that a Dance Craze? "Heyyyy..Chupacabra!" Or maybe it was something I saw on Villa Allegre
posted by kokogiak at 2:24 PM on October 26, 2001

Everybody's doin a
brand new dance now
Come on baby
Do the Chupacabra!

They're suckin down
The goat blood with wild abandon
Come on baby!
Do the Chupacabra!

*I'd also like to point out that my sadly underachieving Yahoo! Fantasy English Soccer team is called The Fightin' Chupacabras
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:30 PM on October 26, 2001

So what's worth more the chupacadra or skunk ape. And, what's that smell anyway?
posted by thekorruptor at 2:33 PM on October 26, 2001

Sorry, Crazy Chicken for lunch.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:34 PM on October 26, 2001

Do the MeFi guidleines allow betting with extinct rodents?
posted by signal at 3:18 PM on October 26, 2001

Only if you let them win.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:34 PM on October 26, 2001

To the tune of Macarena (what isn't, though?)...

A-one and a-two and a-three Chupacabra/
Great big eyes like a mutant chihuahua/
Mexico City, Purto Rico, Nicarauga/

Hey, Chupacabra...

I think that was on Art Bell a-while back.
posted by j.edwards at 4:53 PM on October 26, 2001

j.edwards: *preeeeeeeeet* 30 min penalty for Macarena-reference.

now, if you could actually do the dance, we might let you off
posted by signal at 5:10 PM on October 26, 2001

"Do the Dance!" -- Corey Feldman -- The Goonies
posted by tj at 6:31 PM on October 26, 2001

bonus points to those who can name the dance
posted by tj at 6:31 PM on October 26, 2001

see, it's like betty page, right? and she's like holding a kitty, get it? holding a kitty!!
posted by signal at 8:12 PM on October 26, 2001

Well, I fall down and hurt myself when I do it, but this resourceful individual can help us all out in the long run...
posted by j.edwards at 9:40 PM on October 26, 2001

Hey j.edwards, thanks for the Macarena link. Because that's what the macarena is all about, give your body pleasure.
ewww.
posted by nprigoda at 7:11 AM on October 28, 2001

*ticking*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:45 AM on October 29, 2001

okay, Miguel, here's what you have to do:
do you see the red wire? okay, leave that one alone.
now, grasp the green wire firmly, and chew through it with your teeth.
No, wait, not yet, just let me get behind this bomb-proof wall...
posted by nprigoda at 3:55 AM on October 29, 2001

ok, folks, 50 points to the house of whoever identifies today's web-comic-quotation:

"daaayumn dude, you're starting to grow weeds and shit"

note: said web-comic wasn't necessarily published today, just to make things harder
posted by signal at 9:28 AM on October 29, 2001

Andy Capp?
posted by kokogiak at 9:36 AM on October 29, 2001

Marmaduke?

No, wait! Family Circus?
posted by ColdChef at 9:42 AM on October 29, 2001

cold, cold...
posted by signal at 9:43 AM on October 29, 2001

yes? yes?

Oh, you weren't calling me.

Ummmm...I gotta call ignorance on this one. Any hints?
posted by ColdChef at 11:50 AM on October 29, 2001

  ?
posted by jpoulos at 12:20 PM on October 29, 2001

hint: a small, irate guy, a tall sexy chick who hangs out with him all the time but doesn't give him any, a pig, ninjas, god and the devil.

Anybody?
posted by signal at 1:11 PM on October 29, 2001

Ah! that rascal Ziggy!
posted by tj at 1:15 PM on October 29, 2001

umm duh, sinfest.. let it go, are you one of Ishida's acolytes or something
posted by tj at 1:16 PM on October 29, 2001

(sorry, I'm a little persnickity today)
posted by tj at 2:09 PM on October 29, 2001

that's alright tj. 50 points, anyway :)
posted by signal at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2001

Man! Who's guarding tj?

Brother's got 50 points.

Stay on him! Don't bite on that head-fake!

Screw it, I'm gonna kneecap him.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:23 PM on October 29, 2001

Who the hell stole my bottle?! Damn kids....mutter..mutter...grumble...
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:30 AM on October 30, 2001

feelingpointless
posted by kokogiak at 1:09 AM on October 30, 2001

(in my best Nancy Kerrigan voice)
WHY????? whaaa! Why? why why

umm since I have 50 points, here's your bottle back stavros.
posted by tj at 4:49 AM on October 30, 2001

<drunken mumble>
Thanks mate, i fuckin love you mate..ah where's my shoes...you bastards stole my shoes..i'll just sleep here. mmm pretty #336699...mmm kiss me, mefi. *burp*
</drunken mumble>
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:57 AM on October 30, 2001

that's alright tj. 50 points, anyway :)

If I'm not mistaken, a Whose Line Is It Anyway reference? (Can't have tj up on his high horse for too long, you know.)
posted by mattpfeff at 7:24 AM on October 30, 2001

dude, my horse is a midget shetland pony
posted by tj at 7:39 AM on October 30, 2001

dude, my horse is a midget shetland pony

dude. not cool to brag about having the proverbial pony!

*stamps left foot in frustration*
"it's not fair! it's not fair!"
posted by mattpfeff at 7:43 AM on October 30, 2001

(um, actually it was to say I don't have a high horse- I stopped blowing smoke in my pet's face a long time ago)
posted by tj at 7:47 AM on October 30, 2001

besides, it's been established that I'm not trusted with animals
posted by tj at 7:49 AM on October 30, 2001

i refuse to listen to reason, dammit. you can't make me, you can't make me!

Anyway, does anyone speak Italian? Yahoo news (Italy) has an article we might enjoy (intensely, but for only 5-15 seconds, I guess).
posted by mattpfeff at 8:13 AM on October 30, 2001

As translated by BableFish: If the phase of excitation has been completed without to come disturbed, has beginning the orgasmica phase
dear god! ew, yuck!
posted by nprigoda at 8:21 AM on October 30, 2001

and why, mattpfeff, did this article come up during a conversation about ponies? Hmmm?
posted by nprigoda at 8:47 AM on October 30, 2001

isn't shetland, um, somewhere in Italy? I figured I'd, errm, look into the Italy connection and, ah, well, I mean, I guess I thought this was -- ahem -- more interesting. And stuff.

Besides, I've undertaken a comprehensive study of the Italian culture, the better to understand the devious and devestating connivings of the MeFioso.

(btw, can anyone translate "o in assenza"?!?)
posted by mattpfeff at 9:16 AM on October 30, 2001

Mr Senator, I would like to categorically deny that I had any dealings with the MeFia. If a few trolls here and there had their mouths filled with cement, I was unaware of any such activities. Also, any human remains found in the end zone of Giant Stadium have nothing whatever to do with me.

Fredo! I knew it was you!
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:27 AM on October 30, 2001

I knew it! I'm hanging out with a bunch of Miguelistas! What would my mother think!
posted by tj at 11:10 AM on October 30, 2001

I want a tee shirt that says "Mefioso."
posted by ColdChef at 11:13 AM on October 30, 2001

Miguelista Zapatista

Now THAT is a good band name.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:31 PM on October 30, 2001

It would ruin your sex-life, ColdChef, believe me. Take a look at this historical document and tell me what you hold dearest: mere Mefioso victories, with all the resulting bouts of snarky impotence or permanent wood for all? Occupy the wood! Take all prisoners! From behind, if you must.

(I love this little island - it's the only bit of blue I'm allowed at the moment... ;-(
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:31 PM on October 30, 2001

And let's have no jokes about frigates from you, Kafkaesque.

*He said invitingly, slipping into his taut crimson corsage and whipping the top off a jeroboam of Dom Perignon 1982 with a swift swipe of his trusty sabre, realizing he should never have left this little haven in the first place - and, in so doing, scaring his few remaining friends off...*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:38 PM on October 30, 2001

permanent wood for all

As enticing as that sounds, I think it might get a little old after the first month or so.

And buying pants would be a real bitch too.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:50 PM on October 30, 2001

it's the only bit of blue I'm allowed at the moment

Methinks 'tis only in the grey where foul moods doth threaten to besmirch thy fair name, good cardoso. Nay, fear thee not, thou art welcome throughout these open, blue waters, and thy wise words most beloved in places high and low.


And buying pants would be a real bitch too.

Friend Kafkaesque, shouldst thou find thyself so afflicted, remove thee posthaste to a dressing room; no doubt some kind saleslady would there unpants thee.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:24 PM on October 30, 2001

Nonsensatisfyinginglenook and crannybrookbridge abaft.
Crimsonsets and Marmosets all Silli-Melligiraffed.
I weepywearywoozywalk upout and indown agrasp,
Mainlymostlymonkeymeat appeals - to the eels and the asp.

Now where's my goddam glass of Dom Perignon?!
posted by kokogiak at 8:27 PM on October 30, 2001

it's the only bit of blue I'm allowed at the moment

Methinks 'tis only in the grey where foul moods doth threaten to besmirch thy fair name, good cardoso. Nay, fear thee not, thou art welcome throughout these open, blue waters, and thy wise words most beloved in places high and low.


And buying pants would be a real bitch too.

Friend Kafkaesque, shouldst thou find thyself so afflicted, remove thee posthaste to a dressing room; no doubt some kind saleslady would there unpants thee.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:29 PM on October 30, 2001

now that's pretty dang weird -- I hit /post/ once, waited 5 minutes, and, well, you can see what I then saw....
posted by mattpfeff at 8:33 PM on October 30, 2001

It's a neat trick, mattpfeff. It only works, of course, if you allow another good post to come between yours and the clone. But consider yourself lucky. I can't help hearing kokogiak's ditty to the "My Favorite Things" melody.
And it's Julie Andrews. Still, only 5(or 50?)posts away from 600.

Remember
"Slightly vacuous post attempting to rally the troops and take this thread up into the 500+ zone.

go team!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:19 AM PST on August 31 "?

Brings tears to your eyes, it does ;-)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:06 PM on October 30, 2001

hey, i know that 1142 is infamous, and this one's pretty damn popular too, but what are some of the other threads on mefi with such a cult following? surely there must be more than just these 2!
posted by rorycberger at 9:36 PM on October 30, 2001

I saw a young man
leaning on his woooden crutch
he called out to me
don't ask for so much.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:28 PM on October 30, 2001

Leonard Cohen, "Bird on a Wire", right? Gimme my prize. I want that 600 marker so bad! N.B. But repeat posts are not fair, or fake-double posts à la mattpfeff with a triple chaser in small print, neither. Harrumph.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:15 PM on October 30, 2001

We'll never make it to six hundred.
posted by ColdChef at 4:49 AM on October 31, 2001

That would be impossible.
posted by ColdChef at 4:50 AM on October 31, 2001

I'd like to thank the academy, and all the little people that have made this possible. I'd also like to thank Hahn Brewery, Henry Kissinger, and the number '7'.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:06 AM on October 31, 2001

fake-double posts à la mattpfeff

I do protest! I was sitting there for 5 bleeping minutes, thinking, don't do anything, if you do it'll double-post, don't do anything, wait, wait, wait.... Then, to have that happen, well, it sucked. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I couldn't even make a bowel movement, I was so distraught.

<sarcasm>
And now, this. I can see what you're really saying. I know when I'm not wanted. That's OK. I'll miss this place, but perhaps it's for the best.

*lays trusty Elven Blade and Amulet of MeFioso Protection on table and slowly trudges miserably from sight*
</sarcasm>
;)
posted by mattpfeff at 6:33 AM on October 31, 2001

Who zis usurper wiz long name, mattpfeff? Hahn Brewery what in bleu blazes? Pourquoi Kissinger? Is he...?

*glumly divests himself of extremely temporary cloak, fumbling in the darkness for trusty pair of shoulders; misses ColdChef by an inch; falls flat on nozzle, shaving once bushy eyebrows on the sharp, morning blades of frost-besparkled grass. In last gasp, as autumnal as croaking bullfrogs with heart attacks, throws mantle onto the canny triple-poster, no-bowels-moved-while-u-wait New Pimpernel with the 28k+ connection.
Too old for this shit" is played in the background by a bunch of toothsome widows with hair on their feet.

"Will this ever reach 700?" he gasps, before the prospect of the ninety seven long posts ahead get the better of his loathsomely malfunctioning heart*

(dies)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:38 AM on October 31, 2001

Well, it took a day, but we finally got him.

goodnight, sweet Miguel. And flights of angels sing the to thy rest.
posted by ColdChef at 9:33 AM on October 31, 2001

(dies)

finally some pease and quiet!!!!

(actaully I mean you no harm Miguel, it's just that you are diverting the thread from it Monkey-licious goodness)
posted by tj at 9:39 AM on October 31, 2001

Come on baby
Take a chance with us
And meet me at the back
Of the blue bus

Tangentially, I always have a lurking suspicion that one day I'll get in the bathtub and find one of these little guys in there, a serene look on his face as he relaxes in the steam and uses my shampoo on his little monkey face.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:21 AM on October 31, 2001

Better than finding one of these in your bed though I guess.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:23 AM on October 31, 2001

Well, you know Veterinarian Tom Barkham is still around. Him and his damn cat(s) and the Cider House mystery.

There's something very Stephen King/Thomas Harris about this.

Is there some steganographic code hidden in the image? In the x-rays? In the Cat? Why does that cat stare at me like that? What does "ihpcasirlaxoacbnotchih" mean? It's the first letter of every word in the final sentence of the caption. Deranged minds want to know!
posted by kokogiak at 10:46 AM on October 31, 2001

My theory is that it's actually a howler monkey cunningly disguised as a cat, and that Veterinarian Tom Barkham actually passed away in the late 80s, and "Bobo" has just been using his reanimated flesh to lend an air of legitimacy to his bizarre plans for a howler monkey coup of startlingly epic proportions.

Exactly why he is dressed as a cat and what all that has to do with cider...I'm still working on that part of the puzzle.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:54 AM on October 31, 2001

Ah! The rest of them have been silenced! I have come too close to the truth!

I must be next! Quickly, I make a mad dash for the–

A
a
a
a
r
g
h
!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:07 PM on October 31, 2001

shit, Kafkaesque, you stepped on my foot. Clumsy oaf. Couldn't you see me? Yeah, I wish they'd kept Daylight Savings Time around longer, too, but it isn't that dark yet. Where were you going in such a rush, anyway?

Anyway, I was going to say, I think I may have discovered the cider/veterinarian connection. Not nearly so disturbing as we'd feared....
posted by mattpfeff at 3:39 PM on October 31, 2001

But - the allusion to the cider-vinegar's "germicidal properties" surely makes one suspicious, with all the anthrax freakery going on these days. But just what the hell th cats have to do with it is anyone's guess. The cat is either A) a hand puppet, or B) a cider baron (you remember the good old days of cider barons, don't you?), or C) the above-mentioned howler monkey after some severe plastic surgery.
posted by kokogiak at 3:56 PM on October 31, 2001

Post warning that someone is going for this thread's blood...
posted by feelinglistless at 4:20 PM on October 31, 2001

We need a candlelight vigil for 9622 or something.

Where will the monkeys go without it???
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:49 PM on October 31, 2001

Where will the monkeys go without it???

*proposed safehouse, just in case: it's clean, is easy to remember, and has got plenty of room...*
posted by mattpfeff at 6:07 PM on October 31, 2001

heeheehee. good plan, mattpfeff. They'd never find us there.
posted by ColdChef at 6:12 PM on October 31, 2001

And we'd get free IKEA furniture.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:11 PM on October 31, 2001

Ah. Monkeys. Now I got my mojo working (and I thought you'd like to know)

"Fly, my pretties, fly!"

I just noticed how that scene in "O Brother Where Art Thou" where the boys tumble down the hill smack-dab (almost) into the KKK rally, when they raise their heads above the bush behind which they're lurking to take a peek, well it's a sweet homage to the similar scene in the Wizard of Oz on approach to the castle where the guard-guys are going "Ohh-ee-ohh, ohh-woah"...

Or was this just blatantly obvious to everyone?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:35 AM on November 1, 2001

That was pretty obvious. (okay, maybe 20% of the audience got it)

A little less obvious was the "Busby Berkely" quality of the KKK's dancing. I'd like to think that way off back in the woods, when the Klan gathers, there's a lot less race-hating and a lot more choreography lessons.
posted by ColdChef at 4:46 AM on November 1, 2001

I envision a Klan Ice Capades.

"I could tell he was the leader because he was wearing a contour sheet." – Woody Allen
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:13 AM on November 1, 2001

She is looking for a permanent relationship.
posted by kokogiak at 12:21 PM on November 1, 2001

He is now available....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:40 PM on November 1, 2001

It's so lonely and cold in the safehouse, guys.


can i come back?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:28 PM on November 1, 2001

Have you learned your lesson? Will you change your behavior? No? Good, come on back. Recalcitrant.
posted by kokogiak at 3:24 PM on November 1, 2001

Wheee!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:43 PM on November 1, 2001

I had an English Prof once tell me a great story about him being out for a walk one rainy day with his girlfriend, and when they walked into a field - a sunshower hit them, and he felt the urge to ask her to marry him on the spot. She did. Very romantic(...)
kokogiak: I discovered this comment of yours on the « Older What do you say when it's rain..." thread. What were you on about, man? :-)
But it got me singing("Isn't this a lovely day/To be caught in the rain?")and thinking: wouldn't that be a better safehouse in an emergency? It has potential, lots of space and it's so much nearer...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:30 PM on November 1, 2001

ohmygodandtheykickedmigueloutandhehadtogohangbyhimselfinthesafehouseandohmygodlaterheaskedifhecouldcomebackandhecoouldsohewentwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
posted by signal at 6:17 PM on November 1, 2001

Once again, I declare that flash movie to be the funniest thing since the last really funny thing. No monkeys, though, and monkeys are pretty damn funny. Probably if there were monkeys in that thing rather than squirrels, my head would explode. And no one likes that.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:28 PM on November 1, 2001

[that thing signal said]

thank you, mr. tom woolfe.

[that thing stavros said]

link? I must've missed that one. Oh, and: thank you, mr. wonderchicken. Perhaps should to change your name to "wondermonkey"? (more poetic)
posted by mattpfeff at 6:39 PM on November 1, 2001

[hums the "I wanna post something but I don't know what"song, which is the same as the "Waiting for the elevator" song, but with different lyrics]

mmmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmmm
posted by signal at 10:04 PM on November 1, 2001

who's tom woolfe?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:05 PM on November 1, 2001

sounds like that Crash Test Dummies song, signal.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:06 PM on November 1, 2001

Miguel, be so kind as to show signal the way to the safehouse. He needs a big Time Out for breaking the page and making the evil horizontal scroll-bar appear.
posted by kokogiak at 10:34 PM on November 1, 2001

Shall I put him on the school bus, kokogiak?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:07 PM on November 1, 2001

Well spotted, Miguel. This is the big funny in question, signal.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:19 PM on November 1, 2001

Gonads and strife, gonads and strife...
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:20 PM on November 1, 2001

NOOOO not the school bus, please! Anything but the school bus! [glares at hummingbird that got him into this mess in the first place as the dog ties him to the school bus]

little did they know that adding a hztl scroll bar is just the first part of my dastadly plan, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH

[feigns innocence]
posted by signal at 11:40 PM on November 1, 2001

Time for the Fake MetaTalk Tribunal, where nothing is too trivial, unfair or stupid. To start it off, here's my post of the day:

Duh, is guessing now appropriate now or is it just me?(more)

I know their a lot of new menbras but it pisses me of when I read unescery comentts like "I guess I'll make the one response" like ten ours after ewagoners post...MetaGuess? up yours, pal! I prafer my MeFi neet, if that's OK... ;-D

Comments?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:46 PM on November 1, 2001

who's tom woolfe?

tom wolfe (whose name I myself introduced the misspelling of) wrote this.

Anyone else read it and caught the same vibe off the squirrel Flashimation? I think it's the classic verbal depiction of substance-induced unReality, and, not to mention it makes the schoolbus reference far more meaningful as EAKT is the story of kenkeseyandhismerrypranksters and their alltimegreatestmostphenomenalrideacrossamerica in, you guessed it, agreatbigday-gloschoolbus!!!!!!!!
posted by mattpfeff at 9:03 AM on November 2, 2001

Oh him.

Yeah, I read that, and the Candy-Colored Tangerine Flake Streamlined Baby or whatever it was called. But I lost any interest in him as a writer. Seemed like a hanger-on to pop culture trends and a bit of an ass. I thought it was pretty interesting when they were donating Furthur to the Smithsonian but it turned out to be a fake Furthur.

I prefer Thomas Wolfe.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:21 AM on November 2, 2001

cock-eyed?
posted by mattpfeff at 11:18 AM on November 2, 2001

*TWEEEEET*

Thou shalt not post Britney Spears pictures.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:14 PM on November 2, 2001

kafka: how about fake Britney pictures? those are heaps of fun.
posted by signal at 12:16 PM on November 2, 2001

How are you NSTTs doing? I have not visited here in a long time. Has anyone set up 9622.org yet?
posted by daveadams at 12:36 PM on November 2, 2001

And don't expect me to nstt up.
posted by daveadams at 12:46 PM on November 2, 2001

9622.org becomes available in a few weeks.. I actually was thinking about scooping it up
posted by tj at 12:54 PM on November 2, 2001

and signal.. get in the box
posted by tj at 12:55 PM on November 2, 2001

uhh

NSTT?

is that like thread-squatting?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:03 PM on November 2, 2001

No-Shame-Trash-Talkers?

Nothing-Shines-Til-Tuesday?

Noogie-Savoring-Terror-Triad?
posted by tj at 1:14 PM on November 2, 2001

Noxious Squid Tickling Tornados
Never Say Tubers Tattle
Not So Tiny Tentacles
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:24 PM on November 2, 2001

Nefarious Simian Thinking Tenaciously
posted by tj at 2:38 PM on November 2, 2001

Nutty Squirrel Trains Tangerines
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:41 PM on November 2, 2001

"Nevermore" Sayeth The Taven

What might a "Taven" be? It's an Eastern Norwegian Dialect term for "Raven" (or it might be Tagalog for "idiot who types too much")
posted by kokogiak at 5:07 PM on November 2, 2001

But it's pronounced "Toh-ven".

or "Throat Wobbler Mangrove".
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:23 PM on November 2, 2001

Is silly. Meets with approval. Produce 30,000,000 copies for export. World domination plans proceed as agreed.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:10 PM on November 2, 2001

Hey, watch out for those 4 kids and talking dog in that hippie van coming up the road though.
posted by tj at 10:10 PM on November 2, 2001

/me has the sizzle but not the steak
/me has the boat but not the lake
/me has rooster but not the crow
/me has the ebb
/me has the flow

/me is Big In Japan
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:40 PM on November 3, 2001

It's quiet.








Almost too quiet.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:12 AM on November 5, 2001

LA LA LA THPPPPPPPPTTTTT!
posted by tj at 9:49 AM on November 5, 2001

Git yer shotguns boys, it's a flatulent smurf!

And them's good eatin'!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:22 AM on November 5, 2001

Mmmm...roadkill!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:12 PM on November 5, 2001

The peace and quiet,
shattered by wind most rudely broken,
but now remind us of what once was.
And below the blasts and clamor of the hunt,
A ceaseless hum, a quiet voice:
A server's work is never done.
posted by mattpfeff at 1:19 PM on November 5, 2001

I sit and ponder
I little blue smurf runs by
Then I step on him
posted by tj at 4:09 PM on November 5, 2001

Such evil bodes ill
for the future of human-
smurf relationships

Not to say that I
advocate such relations
with a minor smurf

But hey. If you feel
like swimming in blue waters
Who am I to say?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:29 PM on November 5, 2001

Anyone else catch that unintentional Morphine reference?

Man, I'm so cool you could keep a side of beef in me for a week.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:53 PM on November 5, 2001

skyscraper puzzled
lifting side of beef, looking
for an opening
posted by skyscraper at 5:08 PM on November 5, 2001

You boys take that haiku over to where it belongs, or surely pain and suffering shall follow you all the days of your life.

::imagines inserting side of beef into Kafkaesque, chortles in best supervillain style::

ha. ha ha. mwahahah.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:23 PM on November 5, 2001

take that haiku over to where it belongs

I been there, done that.
Nice place to visit, sure, but
Smells kindah fishy.
posted by mattpfeff at 6:55 PM on November 5, 2001

That mattpfeff has balls
Compared to us hicks
His comment /me recalls
Was number 666...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:00 PM on November 5, 2001

How come the 'Taker never does the job?
posted by jpoulos at 7:22 PM on November 5, 2001

Hey. K snuck in TW lyrics when I wasn't looking! In that spirit:

And the girl behind the counter has a tattooed tear,
One for every year he's away she said,
Such a crumbling beauty,
But there's nothing wrong with her
that $100 won't fix...
posted by jpoulos at 7:24 PM on November 5, 2001

Hey! Put that umbrella out!

No smoking in here!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:29 PM on November 5, 2001

fish? foul? a fine line
when in breaded sticks. smoke
'em if you got 'em!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:05 AM on November 6, 2001

fish sticks: breaded joy
for an unfeeling and harsh
empty universe
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:37 AM on November 6, 2001

fishstick monkey seems to know a lot about Harry Potter
posted by skyscraper at 9:18 AM on November 6, 2001

fishstick monkey? I don't get it, but I like it! How about Monkey Fishstick. Now THAT's a good band name.

oh wait, Fishey Monkeystick is even better. But that sounds kinda dirty.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:34 AM on November 6, 2001

fishstick monkey got a score of 30 (about 3/4 down the page). Google's only hit on "fishstick" and "monkey" appearing together.

And Stinky Mock Fish might very well be the definition of fishstick.
posted by skyscraper at 1:01 PM on November 6, 2001

I think it might be a Hickory Farms gift basket product, much like Beef Stick or Cheese Log, or even, for the more adventurous among us, Cheese Frog (Which sounds like it should be, but in fact is not, a Doors song).
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:42 PM on November 6, 2001

Tearfilled confession that I have no idea what the flying f**k a fnord is.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:54 AM on November 7, 2001

I'd tell you, but you're not cleared for that.
posted by mattpfeff at 11:09 AM on November 7, 2001

I knew it had something to do with Settlers of Cataan. Either that or Settlers of James Caan.

Just not sure.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:26 AM on November 7, 2001

I thought a fnord was a kind of cnar
posted by skyscraper at 11:50 AM on November 7, 2001

or that guy who invented assnembly line.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:12 PM on November 7, 2001

This thread will never die.
posted by Chief Typist at 1:15 PM on November 7, 2001

Kafka, please don't mention that bastard
posted by tj at 2:14 PM on November 7, 2001

I'm too upset to think of anything but the fact that they took www.monpa.com down.

*sob*

My beloved non-primate art! Where have you gone?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:14 PM on November 7, 2001

art academy for elephants
posted by skyscraper at 5:08 PM on November 7, 2001

kafkaesque ... member of MeFioso? must ... warn ... ColdChe.............
posted by mattpfeff at 7:23 AM on November 8, 2001

What? What? Speak, man! Dear GOD! He's been.....AUGHH!

*thud*

gurgle...gurgle...
posted by ColdChef at 9:19 AM on November 8, 2001

Finally! the plan to get rid of the Miguelistas has begun!
posted by tj at 9:25 AM on November 8, 2001

post expressing great sorrow that people had to spoil a perfectly brilliant self-referential thread with a bunch of non-self-describing banter
posted by moss at 10:30 AM on November 8, 2001

I think someone needs 2 minutes in the corner...
posted by jpoulos at 10:59 AM on November 8, 2001

gone, jpoulos. (Only 2 minutes - is this man a saint or what?) I did, how do you say, close my tabs though. ;-)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:06 AM on November 8, 2001

Pfizer they make Viagra,
Pfaff make sewing machines
But only our Matt Pfeff
ta-ra-ta-ra-ta-ta-tan

(couldn't complete, though toyed with "Is truly full of beans!)

And though Fooljay
Didn't say which day
************
??????????????
(Hey, I'm no Kafkaesque here!)

*Pfor more pfun pfun pfun until the 700 marker comes along, I urge Pfeffistas to consider this, seeing as The Master is something of a mathematician:

Pf(f) = SF(t-1) + RF(t-1); initially PF(1) = PM(1)

The rest, of course, pfollows in the Fox/Mallard tradition.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:34 AM on November 8, 2001

I'd like to take this opportunity to officially apologize to (almost) everyone here. I thought it would be funny and for a while it was. But now I can see the error of my ways. It was a dumb, dumb thing to do and I only wish there was something I could do to take back my thoughtless words and actions. Can we just get back to talking about monkeyfucking?
posted by ColdChef at 11:59 AM on November 8, 2001

*cries*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:15 PM on November 8, 2001

chef, you pulled through too? I was worried there for a moment. I don't know what that was, but they almost had us. *Phew.*

Don't be so hard on yourself, man. Big Mig will be alright. He's just a sensitive type, and when those go bad, they really go bad, you know.... I think the shock of our seeming demise shook the poor fellow, and he hit the dry sherry a little too hard. (A horrific site it is indeed, a Portugese cult novelist armed with dry sherry, WebMonkey tutorials and vile, atrocious, unspeakably bad poetic urges (especially all those alliterations on 'pf', my god!), as we've all seen here. A horror the likes of which mankind has seldom seen....) But he'll be better, once he sleeps it off. Yes, yes indeed. Better -- or, at least, just like before. Poor guy. Tragic, really, it really is.

Meanwhile, any of you guys have the number for Mrs. Cardoso? Someone needs to get MC some help, and pfast.....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:30 PM on November 8, 2001

chef: don't you mean "monkeypfucking"?
posted by jpoulos at 1:25 PM on November 8, 2001

opf course. how pfoolish of me.
posted by ColdChef at 1:31 PM on November 8, 2001

By the way...are we up to 700 yet?
posted by ColdChef at 2:27 PM on November 8, 2001

701 ladies and gentlemen, that's 701. Crazy hats, exotic toiletries and notions, lemurs, wildebeests, chicken vindaloo, and luxury undergarments.

Going up!
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:58 PM on November 8, 2001

Okay, pop quiz class. Mr. K has reminded us that we should all be aware or our toiletries (and other sundry items). Please name the top 5 most-useful (or interesting) exotic toiletries, in order of their invention.

I'll give a quick example to start you all off:

1996: Lemon Bubble-Gum flavored children's toothpaste, for that "eeew" feeling just before you go to bed.
posted by kokogiak at 9:44 PM on November 8, 2001

Ahhh Yes. By the mere mention of Lemon Bubble-gum flavored children's toothpaste, I stop 9622 dead in its tracks for well over 24 hours. My plan worked perfectly.

The thread is mine.

You all want it? Huh? Welll....

LASTPOST.

Thbbbthtpt.
posted by kokogiak at 1:39 AM on November 10, 2001

as if
posted by jpoulos at 9:15 AM on November 10, 2001

Thwarted
posted by kokogiak at 10:56 AM on November 10, 2001

[insert xenophobic right-wing pro-war statement here]

[insert liberal lefty appeaser anti-war reply here]
posted by skylar at 11:47 AM on November 10, 2001

[insert xenophobic right-wing pro-war statement here]

[insert liberal lefty appeaser anti-war reply here]
posted by skylar at 11:47 AM on November 10, 2001

[insert yet another smart ass double post comment here]*


*warning : goatse above. Do not click it. I'm serious here.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:11 PM on November 10, 2001

oh lord.. MY EYES!!!
posted by tj at 12:37 PM on November 11, 2001

last ....










post?
posted by tj at 7:15 AM on November 12, 2001

no...










way.

posted by ColdChef at 9:28 AM on November 12, 2001

talk about thread death -- goatse and last-post posts.... (Simply shocking -- shocking! -- that Brittney is more offensive than goatse, btw.)

Meanwhile, a study has confirmed that there is something men like more than women or chocolate -- women and chocolate.

Next stop, Floor 713. Contents unknown....
posted by mattpfeff at 2:33 PM on November 12, 2001

She looks very happy. So very happy.
posted by kokogiak at 4:01 PM on November 12, 2001

I go out of town for a few days and the place goes to hell.

Thread 9622 was meant to be a house of prayer
but you have made it a den of thieves!

Sing it Jesus!

*yow*

Who are you what have you sacrificed?

~then the piano lid comes down
and breaks his fucking fingers
It's a miracle~

See what happens when you turn 30? Complete nonsensical babbling! Where did I leave those Depends?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:14 PM on November 13, 2001

Stav was in his cups, is why that unmentionable link, he said. I blame Miguel, driving him to the bottle like that. I mean, if drinking that much can make you the #1 cult writer in Portugal, just think what it could do for a guy in south Asia. Alas, Mig failed to warn us of the side effects. He tried, he tried....
posted by mattpfeff at 1:43 PM on November 13, 2001

What are you all on about, treating this as your personal playground? ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:04 PM on November 13, 2001

*gasps* We would never! *heads off to the swingset to sulk, kicks sand at nobody, cries on the merry-go-round.. Thinks an Aqua Park is a good, but odd, but good, idea.*
posted by j.edwards at 12:29 AM on November 14, 2001

*organizes game of Duck, Duck, Goose*
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:26 AM on November 14, 2001

*Refuses to be Goose. Goes off to sulk w/ j.edwards. Thinks better of it - goes off to sulk by self. (You know, at the edge of the playfield, as far from the school as possible while still being on the grounds).*
posted by kokogiak at 9:22 AM on November 14, 2001

oooooh, I just caught the reference. Sly devil, MC. That said, we all really must appreciate that a thread like this one really does make it appear as if we feel this thread is our own personal playground. Whether or not we in fact feel that way (and I think we do, yes, indeed we do, and quite right, too!) matters less than the apparent fact that it appears that way to enough people. ...

*Taps Big Mig on the head, yells GOOOOSE!!! and dashes madly around the Filter, diving into MC's former seat just as MC lunges at him, and, missing, instead goes careening into ColdChef, who, glaring at him, tries to act nonplussed.*
posted by mattpfeff at 10:28 AM on November 14, 2001

*glare glare glare*
posted by ColdChef at 11:18 AM on November 14, 2001

goose
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:34 PM on November 14, 2001

Wow, I know how to clear a room, eh?

Just one obscure Mad Max reference should do.

Salt to taste.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:28 PM on November 15, 2001

*cricket chirp...cricket chirp*
posted by ColdChef at 12:53 PM on November 15, 2001

our good friends have, methinks, ventured too far from the friendly confines of 9622, and got burnt. They realize not that the only thing for them now is to come home, where they are beloved, and much missed. Instead, no doubt, they lurk, and peer from the shadows and ponder in lonely silence remarks they'd like to say but fear they should not. They should! They should! Else, I fear, they will let the terrorists win.
posted by mattpfeff at 1:07 PM on November 15, 2001

Goes off to sulk w/ j.edwards. Thinks better of it - goes off to sulk by self.

What did I do? *starts to cry -- thinks better of it and begins to construct fish-powered baby whirlamajig*
posted by j.edwards at 12:02 AM on November 16, 2001

*seeing his chance, gladly joins j.edwards in the sulk-pen, pausing first to anthrax-check whirlamajig's fish flour and talcum powder content*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:39 AM on November 16, 2001

In the spirit of Elbo Elf, kottke.org presents The Very Special First Degree List That Completely Supercedes The Ultra Elitist A-List In All Ways: Salted Wound, BlahStuff, The Perfect Kiss, Tangmonkey.com, BoredImsomniac, USS Clueless, Webmutant, Crunchland, Blacklist, Phonezilla, The Writing Sessions, Iceberg273, My Life as an American Gladiator, Tamim, Jerry Kindall, Skot, Grangousier, Dopeskill, Holloway, Mattpfeff, Aqua Hydra, Leuschke.org.

(From Jason Kottke's legendary blog, like, yesterday!)

What? Mattpfeff? Our mattpfeff is now famous? Not only that, JK links to his MetaFilter user profile. No blog; that's old hat. I wonder whether it will affect him...Drinks all round? Or should we just throw him out? Hmmm. Well, perhaps not till we reach 800... :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:08 AM on November 16, 2001

we'll never reach 800.
posted by ColdChef at 5:40 AM on November 16, 2001

That's not the attitude to take, ColdChef! *leaps out of the 'sulk-pen,' snaps ankle-bone, falls screaming to the ground*

We... can... do .. it... ColdChef... Avenge my imaginary injury.... *passes out due to clinically low pain threshold*
posted by j.edwards at 6:27 AM on November 16, 2001

Oh My God. The blacklist in that Kottke thing is mine. Blacklist. What on earth is going on?
posted by j.edwards at 6:33 AM on November 16, 2001

Our mattpfeff is now famous?

That bastard kottke got me. I told those celebrity-lovers (except you, Kafkaesque, of course (actually, you were being sarcastic, right?) -- but I mean the rest of those guys, ruining MeTa with their ceaseless chatter, my my!) in the 6-degrees-of-kottke thread in MeTa that he loved them -- he'd posted links to everyone in the thread. I was forgetting the changable nature of this bleeping web thing. The rat he linked to me too! See? Bats in my belfry! If only I had some latke. Or knew a girl named Plopsey. Notting can stop me! OK, now I've lost me. Need a de-gibberishizing hot-key.
posted by mattpfeff at 7:34 AM on November 16, 2001

j.edwards, that ungrateful blackguard, has just posted our Kottke link on MeTa like it was the dernier crior something, gathering all the credit as we speak. And very good it looks too, dammit. But, Mr. Pfeff, that's as nothing - lookit what the guys over at MetaFilter just discovered. You remember jpoulos posted this back in 1836? Well, apparently it's been rediscovered. Something to do with it being Friday, apparently. Dunno, would have to ask PolPot/ColdChef about that. :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:00 AM on November 16, 2001

Su chastized me appropriately! I feel dizzy and nauseous from all of the chastizing...
posted by j.edwards at 10:59 AM on November 16, 2001

Just put your head between your knees.

*NO, your OWN knees!!*
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:24 AM on November 16, 2001

Dear god!

Say it isn't so!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:27 PM on November 16, 2001

*blue yonder beckoning; ticking dawn; number-making now sole motivation; S.O.S. sent*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:49 PM on November 17, 2001

Ticking dawn? I kind of like that turn of phrase, Migster, though I fear it was but a typo. Some fo the happiest phrases can be found accidentally.

And I fervently deny this thread has deteriorated into a quest for amount of posts. There's quality here somewhere. Snoozing in a corner and awaiting the passing of the ticking dawn.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:00 PM on November 17, 2001

LOL. A typo much like "fo".
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:01 PM on November 17, 2001

The tread on this thread wearing thin? Don't retire it, re-tire it!

(And if you read the fine print, it says it's for dump trucks. Surely then this can't be mere coincidence?)
posted by mattpfeff at 9:33 AM on November 19, 2001

With this I exceed my quota for today, wistful for the company of those I love. ;(
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:13 AM on November 19, 2001

Nobody likes a sad clown Miguel.

Turn that frown upside-down, sunshine!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:57 PM on November 19, 2001

9622 is brought to you by Mountain Dew Code Red!
posted by TacoConsumer at 7:52 PM on November 19, 2001

This product placement is really getting out of hand. Maybe I'll just relax with a cold one.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:55 PM on November 19, 2001

*driiiiiiifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds*
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:33 AM on November 20, 2001

Hey, look everyone! Tumbleweeds!
posted by mattpfeff at 8:56 AM on November 20, 2001

I really have a hankering (you know, a deep-down desire) for a Left-Handed burger! Maybe we can get some pancakes for lefties too - found at the Leftorium.
posted by kokogiak at 10:20 AM on November 20, 2001

I'm usually a left handed burger, but occasionally I like to surprise myself with the right hand.

I'm not weird about it. I don't tie myself up first. Just kind of spend a little time with myself.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:49 AM on November 20, 2001

Making the scene with a magazine...There ain't no way around.... ;-)
posted by jpoulos at 11:40 AM on November 20, 2001

You aren't a raindog by any chance are ya, jp?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:47 PM on November 20, 2001

man! I go away and look what you kids are up to in here!

PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!!!!
posted by tj at 12:57 PM on November 20, 2001

We're all raindogs, K. Just some of us don't know it yet...
posted by jpoulos at 1:18 PM on November 20, 2001

Life is too short to post every wacky flash movie to the front page. Therefore, I choose to share this with you, only, my brothers. Stay until the end to see the MIGHTY PANDAS OF DERISION!
posted by ColdChef at 2:19 PM on November 20, 2001

Some day, in some way, I will get even for the five minutes leading up the funny part with the pandas.

You won't know when, Mr. Chef, but you'll know WHO!




what about the wombats of whoop-ass?
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:55 PM on November 20, 2001

"Nice derision, Bob."
posted by ColdChef at 6:00 AM on November 21, 2001

monkeys of malcontence?
posted by tj at 6:21 AM on November 21, 2001

rabbits of rancor?

aardvarks of animosity?

emus of enmity?
posted by ColdChef at 6:34 AM on November 21, 2001

Peacocks of Petulance.
posted by mattpfeff at 7:51 AM on November 21, 2001

Ibexes of incontinence

believe me, you don't want to have those guys over to the house.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:03 AM on November 21, 2001

Aardvarks of afflatus- 3, Flamingos of flatulence- 2.
Rain stopped play.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:16 PM on November 21, 2001

Salmon of somnolence
Crabs of credulity
Marmots of morbidity
Lemurs of lasciviousness
or
Haddock of habitual husbandry
posted by kokogiak at 1:30 PM on November 21, 2001

Alligators of alliteration.

(They can sub for me from here on in....)
posted by mattpfeff at 1:47 PM on November 21, 2001

Terribly tragic, those alligators of alliteration, their tepid toes tapping tinnily on the tiles, traipsing over terrifically tiny tapirs.

hmm.

Pre Thanksgiving sillies may be kicking in.

woo!
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:43 PM on November 21, 2001

But the post-Thanksgiving sillies, well, that's where the men will be sorted out from the boys.
By the way, Kafkaesque and all you other Lotharios, have you never wondered why girls never come here? Is it the tone? Is it the no-cruelty-to-animals-except-monkeys-and-goats thing? Our lack of any charm?
Methinks it's the precariuous prestige of persistence. You know, mattpfeff, the Swinburne factor. And the fact that we're now on the right side of reaching 800. I say we'll be millenia welll before serial husband Bin Laden is brought to justice.

Bunnyfire?

*And men also, come to think of it, why do they stay away, for chrissakes ?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:27 PM on November 22, 2001

huh?
posted by tj at 9:28 AM on November 26, 2001

OK, was that you Miguel?

Am I the only one getting an "Accesso Limitado" window when I check 9622?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:38 PM on November 26, 2001

Are you guys still here? And no, you're not the only one.
posted by solistrato at 1:02 PM on November 26, 2001

Miguel! Dammit! Did you piss in our swimming pool?
posted by ColdChef at 1:38 PM on November 26, 2001

No! Matt says it has to do with my awful psychedelic November 4 post. If there's something evil imbedded there this would be an excellent opportunity to delete the bastard!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:51 PM on November 26, 2001

(I'm thinking of a bastard I'd like to delete....)

posted by ColdChef at 1:56 PM on November 26, 2001

It's amazing how this thread keeps drawing attention to itself.
posted by mrbula at 2:07 PM on November 26, 2001

If you're coming to this non-existent thread from that non-existent MetaTalk thread, and you're thinking "Aha! That jpoulos was just bullshitting when he said there was no 9622!", well you're wrong. This thread still doesn't exist. It is a figment of your imagination. You may go on about your business. Move along....Move along...
posted by jpoulos at 2:21 PM on November 26, 2001

So, speaking of that Star Wars quote, check this out (which I came across while double checking the quote).
posted by jpoulos at 2:22 PM on November 26, 2001

Wow, I remember this thread. It was the day that Wil Wheaton's blog got posted. Was it really that long ago? Were we so innocent then, or does it just feel that way? Do my shoes look okay with this shirt?
posted by eyeballkid at 2:27 PM on November 26, 2001

I suppose it's pointless to mention that I took the parody down last week. Now, only this thread remains...
posted by solistrato at 3:55 PM on November 26, 2001

And I was just over at 1142...you guys have a ways to go.
posted by solistrato at 4:00 PM on November 26, 2001

This is actually the thread at the end of the universe. We're waiting around for everything that has been referred to within the thread to cease to exist.

Then, and only then, will 9622 disappear with a pop not unlike the sound your mouth makes when you suck in a grape through pursed lips.

*oh and eyeballkid, white shoes are always questionable, especially with that belt. I'm not even going to go how many things are wrong with that half-shirt and gaiters.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:20 PM on November 26, 2001

I'm only here because of the Metatalk thread.
posted by transient at 4:20 PM on November 26, 2001

It's not when this thread reaches 1000 that the universe ends, it's when this reaches 1000.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:30 PM on November 26, 2001

Let me tell you the story about Miguel.

In the 15th Century his parents attempted to assasinate the king of Portugal at the time, Joao II. After the attempt failed, Joao ordered Miguel's family to be murdered. All were killed except Miguel who seemed to be inpermeable to death. Well, the Pope at the time decided it was best this immortal child be cast out to Zaire under the seal brought down by the angel Gaberial himself:

"Posticus Mefius Millenia"

Until this seal could be broken Miguel was sent to wander the world as a simple human. Not knowing what it meant till sometime in September, Miguel finally found a way to break the seal and become all powerful. Now it is only a matter of time before all the nation's of the world will bow down before the great Cardoso!
posted by geoff. at 5:37 PM on November 26, 2001

Let me tell you the story about Miguel.

In the 15th Century his parents attempted to assasinate the king of Portugal at the time, Joao II. After the attempt failed, Joao ordered Miguel's family to be murdered. All were killed except Miguel who seemed to be inpermeable to death. Well, the Pope at the time decided it was best this immortal child be cast out to Zaire under the seal brought down by the angel Gaberial himself:

"Posticus Mefius Millenia"

Until this seal could be broken Miguel was sent to wander the world as a simple human. Not knowing what it meant till sometime in September, Miguel finally found a way to break the seal and become all powerful. Now it is only a matter of time before all the nation's of the world will bow down before the great Cardoso!
posted by geoff. at 5:39 PM on November 26, 2001

Let me tell you the story about a man named Jed....
posted by jpoulos at 5:40 PM on November 26, 2001

This thread is, I believe, Uqbar. MeFi therefore being Tlön.
posted by BT at 8:19 PM on November 26, 2001

Posts that is.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:48 PM on November 26, 2001

I'm only here because all of the cool kids are.
posted by SpecialK at 10:27 PM on November 26, 2001

If cool means having way too much time on your hands and an unhealthy obsession with monkeys and goats, then you are absolutely right.

Otherwise, someone may have been lying to you.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:12 PM on November 26, 2001

Ummm, just what is the immigration policy here at 9622, jpoulos? And should I take the question brought about by solistrato's retiring of the parody link to MeTa? If it's not there anymore - and I have no doubt it isn't - just what are we discussing? Linkless threads are frowned upon - I imagine our attorney saying - but this is by no means the case here. This is a previously linkful thread forcibly delinked by the illegal actions of one member, solistrato, who openly boasts of his treasonable retraction... and the blame, m'lud, belongs entirely to him...and geoff, of course.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:23 AM on November 27, 2001

Technically it's not linkless, it just links to a 404. So the post doesn't violate MeFi Law. Instead, we all look like idiots talking about a 404.

Immigration policy? Hmmm... I think we need to convene a sub-thread to discuss that one. Someone see if Matt will create a 9622a.

So I was wondering, everyone. Do you think this thread will ever reach 800?
posted by jpoulos at 6:47 AM on November 27, 2001

Technically, there is no more discussion about said 404 link anyway.
posted by eyeballkid at 7:40 AM on November 27, 2001

just what are we discussing?

You had to ask. Why, we're discussing this, of course. Didn't you get the syllabus? Pay attention! (It's related to this story.)

So I was wondering, everyone. Do you think this thread will ever reach 800?

>we'll never reach 800.
>posted by ColdChef at 5:40 AM PST on November 16
posted by mattpfeff at 8:01 AM on November 27, 2001

of course, now someone's gone and posted our point of discussion on the front page. Should we tell them it's a double? Why does no one read the syllabus?!?
posted by mattpfeff at 9:29 AM on November 27, 2001

not syllabus so much as sylla-short-bus.

And no, I don't think we'll ever reach 800.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:52 AM on November 27, 2001

"sylla-short-bus." That's rich!
posted by jpoulos at 10:25 AM on November 27, 2001

ya know, we've actually stopped referring to monkeys (and goats-- although i was wholeheartedly against the whole goat thing from the beginning) but instead are refering to refering to monkeys. I think we've had to much reefer.
posted by tj at 11:29 AM on November 27, 2001

TJ. I hate to point this out, but you were just referring to referring to referring to monkeys. (and so on, ad infinitum)
posted by jpoulos at 12:48 PM on November 27, 2001

"This thread is bound for glory, this thread
This thread is bound for glory,
This thread will carry no more monkeys"
posted by eyeballkid at 1:49 PM on November 27, 2001

"I'll push the wood
I'll blaze your fire
Then I'll satisfy your heart's desire
Said I'll stir it up, yeah, ev'ry minute, yeah
All you got to do is keep the monkey it in, baby"
posted by ColdChef at 2:16 PM on November 27, 2001

Marley?
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:37 PM on November 27, 2001

this monkey's gone to heaven
posted by mattpfeff at 2:48 PM on November 27, 2001

Think of the autos in your day:

auto -alarm, -analysis, -angelist, -bahn, -biography, -cade, -carpous, -catharsis, -cephalous, -chiria, -chrome, -chronograph, -chthonous, -cide, -clave, -clesis, -crat, -cratrix, -destruct, -dialer, -didact, -dynamic, -dyne, -ecious, -erotic, -fecundation, -feed, -focus, -gamy, -genesis, -geneous, -gnosis, -graph, -gyro, -harp, -hypnosis, -icous, -ignition, -immune, -insufflator, -kinetic, -laryngoscope, -latry, -loading, -logical, -logophagist, -mat, -mata, -matic, -maton, -math, -metry, -morphic, -mobile, -nomasy, -nomous, -nym, -phagous, -phobic, -phony, -phthalmoscope, -pilot, -plasty, -psorin, -ptic, -psy, -rotation, -schediastic, -site, -some, -telic, -temnon, -thaumaturgist, -theist, -tomy, -toxicosis, -type, -typography, -xidation

Now all we need is an automonkey.
posted by kokogiak at 2:54 PM on November 27, 2001

And now, a tribute to a few notable 800s:
Metafilter Thread #800
Metatalk Thread #800
Georgina, Member #800
800 Electronics (Buyer be happy)
Eight hundred years of Roman Coinage *Whoa!* I think that's Clavdivs!
Eight hundred dollar eye Her husband Coffee - that's what they called him because he was so black
Eight hundred pound pumpkin (Which should actually be called "Tribute to the idea of an Eight hundred pound pumpkin")
Internet 800 Directory (Please note: the "800" phone number for 1-800-USA-HOTELS.com is 1-866.287.3189
Riga 800 Latvian City of Inspiration
posted by ColdChef at 2:57 PM on November 27, 2001

Let's not forget my favorite:
-erotic-asphyxiation

or

automatic-taxi-stop-electric-cigarette-love-baby-hotel-rock-and-roll-the-discotheque-the-electric-supersex

oh and how bout

"at sunrise the monkeys will fly
and leave me with pennies in my eyes"
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:01 PM on November 27, 2001

So I was wondering, everyone. Do you think this thread will ever reach 900?
posted by jpoulos at 3:20 PM on November 27, 2001

we'll never reach 900.
posted by ColdChef at 3:29 PM on November 27, 2001

K! Morphine! Morphine! Disorientation to those who know not of the Morphine!

Because sharks patrol these waters.

We could reach 900. I believe!
posted by j.edwards at 3:35 PM on November 27, 2001

My wife has been annoyed with the fact that i keep saying "assmonkey" lately. Assmonkey. I don't know where I got that from. Assmonkey, assmonkey.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:36 PM on November 27, 2001

hissy fit: So you cleared the 800 hurdle without as much as a by-your-leave, you subterfuging, obfuscating, downright mean and selfish bunch of onanistic and friend-forgetting jackals!
Just don't make me have to put up my "Acesso Proibido" password popup again, is all I have to say.
Though the proximity of the 900 mark does, I confess, fess up the gonads and strife in me. And as for that other thread that someone mentioned, when last I heard it was still festering below 300, is what I've been told...
Congratulations! A Thousand before the year is through should be our humble goal. Now that we have Matt's (sort of)blessing there's no telling on what page of that Guinness book it may end.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:12 PM on November 27, 2001

well, now we have to get to 900, just so we can see ColdChef's favorite 900-numbers.

Let's do it tomorrow afternoon while Miguel's asleep.
posted by mattpfeff at 4:29 PM on November 27, 2001

Miguel doesn't sleep.
posted by jpoulos at 5:04 PM on November 27, 2001

I blame tj. He's usually reliable. Didn't even phone. Who can you trust nowadays, geez? Hey, wait...now there's a potentially fruitful MeTa thread I'm sure would be welcomed with open arms by the larger community, you know, those what wouldn't come to this thread if their livers depended on it.
OK, mattpfeff, help me out here. I'm thinking pink, young, tangent-frappucino, Gershwinesque à la outrance, Capri-style tease. Just the words "Who can you trust nowadays?", simply posted to MeTa. With a little More Inside perhaps, to avoid the "Zero comments" plague. And there a sober "Only jpoulos" with, maybe, a sympathetic "Also perhaps j.edwards" in the best of tastes, of course... Bet that would fall very well, IMHO.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:29 PM on November 27, 2001

what? me? RELIABLE?????
posted by tj at 7:42 AM on November 28, 2001

It would fall well, indeed, good Cardoso. To make it easier on the palatte, perhaps to sprinkle in a note of humility rife for misinterpretation: "Who can you trust nowadays? Beyond the great holgate and the inimitable Nickels, and perhaps a few other tribal fathers I have forgot, who else can a humble newbie such as myself count on?"

'Twould go down like a charm, without a doubt.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:09 AM on November 28, 2001

Well I know for damn sure you can't trust me.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:05 AM on November 28, 2001

The only thing you can really trust in is that the Space Monkeys WILL infiltrate Howard Johnson's and take the throne from Denny's!
posted by tj at 9:17 AM on November 28, 2001

Okay, I have a nomination for the official music video of 9622. It's got a good beat, obscure scientific references, a sense of humor, is slightly disturbing - and features mutant monkeys. I could not stop watching this (god bless TiVo) last night.

RealPlayer clip: Basement Jaxx - Where's your Head At
posted by kokogiak at 10:52 AM on November 28, 2001

You know, last time I was at HoJo's I swear to god I saw a Space Monkey on the throne. He was in there for like twenty minutes and it reeked to holy hell when he finally left.

If only I had remembered the wise words of Walt Whitman:
If a Space Monkey takes a book in, you're in for a long wait.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:53 AM on November 28, 2001

Domain Name: 9622.ORG

Created on..............: Mon, Nov 29, 1999
Expires on..............: Thu, Nov 29, 2001
Record last updated on..: Fri, Jun 02, 2000


Tomorrow, tomorrow.... who's gonna do it?
posted by tj at 11:20 AM on November 28, 2001

Hmmm...couldn't get the Basement Jaxx video to play on my Mac, but I found this sweet game. And there's a MONKEY in it, too.
posted by ColdChef at 11:29 AM on November 28, 2001

9622.org? I prefer squatting.

As do most new world monkeys.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:37 AM on November 28, 2001

OK, everybody line up, it's time for squat-thrusts
posted by tj at 8:30 AM on November 29, 2001

ow wow, is there any way I can delete that?
posted by tj at 9:09 AM on November 29, 2001

You can take the monkey out of the fucker, but you can't take the fucker out of the monkey. Not without seriously offending the monkey anyway.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:20 AM on November 29, 2001

Was it something I said?
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:04 PM on November 29, 2001

It was something I didn't say.
posted by pnevares at 3:33 PM on November 29, 2001

I knew it!
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:05 PM on November 29, 2001

metafilter parody. no comment from me, i'll leave that to everyone else.

Shit, while waiting for this page to load, I think I've read these words more often than my own name!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:55 PM on November 29, 2001

hey k,

assmonkeyfuck?
posted by eyeballkid at 9:14 PM on November 29, 2001

assmonkey says "what?"
posted by eyeballkid at 9:15 PM on November 29, 2001

what?

.... OH, YOU! That gets me every time....
posted by jpoulos at 9:35 PM on November 29, 2001

Friends of 9622:

Please accept this early Christmas present from your loving friend, jpoulos:
"Twas the Night Before Christmas," read by Liberace. (mp3, 6MB)
posted by jpoulos at 9:46 PM on November 29, 2001

hey k,

assmonkeyfuck?

You weren't, like, propositioning me there were you, mr ball?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:52 PM on November 29, 2001

Monkeys are funny...my tongue is digesting in my mouth.
posted by ColdChef at 7:27 AM on November 30, 2001

*snicker*
you said "mr ball"
posted by eyeballkid at 7:48 AM on November 30, 2001

*heh heh*
you (almost) said "nickers"
posted by jpoulos at 8:18 AM on November 30, 2001

*chortle*

I just like saying that... chortle chortle chortle chortle
posted by tj at 12:51 PM on November 30, 2001

Started out strong, but then just kind of fizzled out. Alas.
posted by ColdChef at 1:15 PM on November 30, 2001

I've always been partial to *guffaw*, myself.

Wow, chef, I totally forgot about that thread.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:22 PM on November 30, 2001

I never realized that MeFi had so many back alley threads. It's cold and dark in 11629. I'm frightened.

*whimper*
posted by eyeballkid at 2:12 PM on November 30, 2001

Them's mean streets, Mr Ball.

Let's..be careful out there.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:35 PM on November 30, 2001

11629 just cut out early for the holidays, that's all. No one ever gets any work done this time of year, anyway.
posted by mattpfeff at 6:26 PM on November 30, 2001

*MA BELL!*
I gots da ill commnication

sorry, I'm drunk, again
posted by tj at 1:54 AM on December 2, 2001

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE!
posted by kokogiak at 11:27 AM on December 3, 2001

Wow, Kokogiak! That's some startling breaking news. Front page material if I ever saw it!

The only thing it's missing is some gratuitous breast suckling and a little pussy.
(I truly, truly apologize for that.)

posted by ColdChef at 12:02 PM on December 3, 2001

Chef, don't make me send this guy over there....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:40 PM on December 3, 2001

*cowers in fear*
posted by ColdChef at 12:51 PM on December 3, 2001

"What do ya say we blackball Mr. Coldchef, eh?"
posted by ColdChef at 1:00 PM on December 3, 2001

awwww. adorable. monkeys. here monkey monkey, here monk... hey, that's my hair... hey... oww, shit, damn... ahh, no not my grapes, no don't.... AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......
posted by eyeballkid at 11:10 AM on December 4, 2001

Who wants Lik-M-Aid?
posted by solistrato at 11:13 AM on December 4, 2001

Oh! Oh! MEEEEEEE!!!
posted by tj at 11:15 AM on December 4, 2001

Dude, I freebase Lik-M-Aid powder daily. I am the Richard Pryor of Sugary Confections. Here, hand me that bic and I'll just –

WHOOMPF!



ow.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:09 PM on December 4, 2001

on a somewhat realted side note: Did you know that non-dairy creamer is flammable? I saw my insane neighbor children (aka the squirrel-shit twins -- as in nuttier than) lighting it on fire in their back yard last week.
posted by tj at 12:17 PM on December 4, 2001

It's a petroleum product. The only reason people drink it is because it's not quite as vile a substance as coffee....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:30 PM on December 4, 2001

It's all lies from the Non-Dairy Advisory Board Conspiracy!

Say it loud and proud:

NON-DAIRY CREAMER IS MADE OF CHICKEN BEAKS!

IT'S CHICKEN BEAKS!!!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:20 PM on December 4, 2001

coincidentally, that's why you see so many chickens running around with their beaks on fire.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:25 PM on December 4, 2001

that's why you see so many chickens running around with their beaks on fire.

I've always wondered about that.

*sniff*

Poor stav. No wonder he never comes around here anymore. Do they grow bacK?
posted by mattpfeff at 1:41 PM on December 4, 2001

"Milton Wilk and the Will to Milk" - on a double bill tonight (get it) with the "Flaming Chicken Beaks".

You all remember their hits - "Beaks Afire" and "Hellface", right? Be sure to bring your creamer packets!
posted by kokogiak at 1:55 PM on December 4, 2001

I prefer "The Devil Went Down to Foster Farms".

or the Johnny Cash light classic: "Beak of Fire".

or the Doors: "Come on Baby Light My Beak", which is poignantly covered by sight-impaired hero to all, Jose "Blind Chicken" Feliciano.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:44 PM on December 4, 2001

or the Johnny Cash light classic: "Beak of Fire"

I thought that was Wall of Voodoo:

Love
Is a burnin' freak
And it makes
A fiery beak
I was bound by
Wild desire
I fell into a
Beak of fire

Chorus:
I fell into a burnin' beak of fire
I fell down, down, down, and the flames got higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the beak of fire
The beak of fire
The beak of fire

Chorus repeat
The taste
Of love is sweet
When hearts
Like ours meet
I fell for ya
Like a child
Oh
But the fire went wild


Chorus:
I fell into a burnin' beak of fire
I fell down, down, down, and the flames got higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the beak of fire
The beak of fire
The beak of fire
Yes––it burns, burns, burns, the beak of fire
The beak of fire
The beak of fire
posted by mattpfeff at 4:08 PM on December 4, 2001

Come on baby light my beak
Try to set the beak on fiiiii-yar!

(i have no idea if those tag thingies are right so don't even mess with me. I'M CRAZY! booga-booga!)
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:29 PM on December 4, 2001

wow I really AM crazy. I coulda sworn I put those really really really funny tag things on there saying "begin Jim Morrison voice" and "end Jim Morrison voice". Must be those damn flying elves fucking with my head again.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:40 PM on December 4, 2001

.:| Maybe you did. That's kinda spooky! |:.
posted by eyeballkid at 6:26 PM on December 4, 2001

whatever do you mean?
posted by tj at 8:16 AM on December 5, 2001

We will reach 900. But what a way to go...

Boy, if this were any other thread, eyeballkid and Old Reliable... You make a guy come all this way for this?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:58 AM on December 5, 2001

Come for the comments, stay to beer-bong an entire bottle of Tawny Port.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:42 AM on December 5, 2001

There is no 9622... There is no 9622.... There is no 9622...

Proof.
posted by jpoulos at 1:23 PM on December 5, 2001

damn! i didn't test in netscape. now it should work.
posted by jpoulos at 2:19 PM on December 5, 2001

vile crosspostery! I think it is time for a 9622 FAQ. I shall call it the 96FAQ2, and it shall be glorious, filled with unnecessary words like ubiquitous, hobgoblin, snarkery, snopery, and 'wheretofore.'

My first task in developing it shall be to determine why I should not be the one to do so, and that will be the first entry.
posted by j.edwards at 2:57 PM on December 5, 2001

oooh oooh. can the FAQ have a big ASCII art logo?
posted by eyeballkid at 3:11 PM on December 5, 2001

you bastards cost me my JOB!!!!

so I guess I'll have enough time to write it....
posted by tj at 4:13 PM on December 5, 2001

now it should work.

ys)alll ovre my sttikky kerygbgbrd&,,,
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:29 PM on December 5, 2001

So I bought Civilization III, and I got so angry at the game that I broke the CD in half. I've never done that before.

So a word from your Uncle Solistrato: don't buy Civ III.

And don't break $50 CD-ROMs.
posted by solistrato at 5:33 PM on December 5, 2001

I have been near that point with American McGee's Alice for some time now. It's a case of "want to finish game" vs "extreme annoyance with lava jumping puzzles".

In fact there are a few games sitting in a near-completed stage mere feet from where I sit right now, but I just can't be bothered, even with the walkthroughs.

Ah hell with it, time for more Quake.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:07 PM on December 5, 2001

What time is it?
posted by TacoConsumer at 9:05 PM on December 5, 2001

Time to get ill.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:19 PM on December 5, 2001

Hear that? That's the disco call.
posted by j.edwards at 12:06 AM on December 6, 2001

Me, I'm put off my Eagle honey-roasted peanuts because some colon-compacted EU directive doesn't allow original American labels anymore and they're now Cacahuetes Fritos Com Miel Ligeramente Salados, which is just not the same. Moan.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:45 AM on December 6, 2001

Miguel!

Don't eat those nuts! Everyone in America knows that Eagle nuts are made from monkey...uhhh...nuts if you know what I mean.

Dear God, man. Chomp not on the monkey testicles, lest ye anger the monkey gods!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:12 AM on December 6, 2001

Kafkaesque, can I ask a serious question? My only excuse is that it does mean one more stride(two if you deign to answer)towards 900.
Last time I was in the States, in May, I looked everywhere for "Beer Nuts", my all-time favourites and was told everywhere(including Zabar's)they were no longer made. They came in little red packets, were fuck-blood-pressure salty and, above all, the peanuts still had their skins on.
I found one crap imitation and that was it.
Now you're an educated man - were those Korean bastards bamboozling me? I imagined they were a staple of sports-watching beer-guzzling rednecks and would never stop existing. I refuse to Google for them - honestly - because I'm afraid to find out it's true.

Could you break it to me gently, as to a newborn monkey child, if they are no longer made?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:05 PM on December 6, 2001

The question, of course, if you follow my syntax is: Is it true you're an educated man? Apart from your American Gladiator site, I mean, which was obviously written by Jon Stewart.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:07 PM on December 6, 2001

Here it is, my Portuguese cephalopod.

While you peruse the storied history of the Beer Nut, you may wish to sign up for the Beer Nuts Bass Fishing boat Contest. As we colonials say "Yee fuckin' ha!"

Beer Nuts and bass a re about all a man needs in this world.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:14 PM on December 6, 2001

With a mouse-over even!
Uncle K - you are a credit to the world. I just know little Max is thriving right now.
I've emailed the Export Manager in Bloomington, Indiana - once again they've pissed all over my little corner of the world. I lied and said I had a little bar. Had a dig at Planter's, to butter the guy up. Even went a bit wild and asked for promo stuff for free, saying I wanted to give my customers the horn before the beauts arrived.
Now I must dash ungratefully, as the ScreenSaver is already up and I must let the old 'puter cool down before I can gaze on that much-missed wonder. Thanks!

If this export scam falls through, I wonder if I know anyone in the States who could....
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:12 PM on December 6, 2001

Okay, fellas. Here's the deal. For some reason, since K's post here the entire thread is all "tiny and squished up against the right side of the page". I am running IE5 on a Mac. That's not the real problem, though. The real problem is, since then--for some reason--I can no longer post to this thread.

Have I really been blackballed? I'd ask Matt to fix it, but that would just be too damn embarrassing to ask him to do it again...right?

The only way I could post this comment was to download Opera (Netscape crashed twice when I tried it). And I'm not too keen having to use a completely different browser when I want to play here.

So, here's my dilemma: switch over to Opera whenever I want to post something here or crawl into MetaTalk and admit (once again) that 9622 actually DOES exist and it's gotten messed up again?

BTW. Since I am noticing a dropoff of activity here, I'm inclined to believe that I am not the only one with this problem.

God. I feel like the guy who has to come back into the party and be all like, "Hey, who's got a white truck? I need you to move it, you're blocking me in. Hey! Do you have a ....Who drives a Ford?...Somebody is blocking...hey..."
posted by ColdChef at 2:13 PM on December 6, 2001

In the 9622 FAQ:
Is export fraud an acceptable way to obtain salty treats?
GOD YES! Now where are my salty treats?
posted by j.edwards at 2:18 PM on December 6, 2001

Coldchef -- I have a friend using IE 5 on a mac, I'l have him check up on the problem. Which post of K's was it? I can't find anything wrong in the source for the most recent one.
posted by j.edwards at 2:21 PM on December 6, 2001

Sorry. I thought I marked it. It was this post here.
posted by ColdChef at 2:29 PM on December 6, 2001

He's stuck an extra </> in there. E-mail Matt with the post info and he should be able to take it out. (My IE5 Mac friends reports the same problem, not sure why.)
posted by j.edwards at 2:37 PM on December 6, 2001

Two extra, actually.

9622 shall now return to the realm of sincere unadulterated crazification from whence it came

I proclaim today Cheaply Manufactured Evil Day!
posted by j.edwards at 2:40 PM on December 6, 2001

Oh my god!

What have I wrought in my hubris?!

*Stabs eyes with brooches*

I throw myself upon the mercy of the thread and plead, as I do pretty much daily, ignorance.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:57 PM on December 6, 2001

9
posted by jpoulos at 7:17 PM on December 6, 2001

0
posted by jpoulos at 7:17 PM on December 6, 2001

0
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

||
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

||
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

V
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

Man! It's like watching Dick Clark's ball drop.

That happens when you're 87 you know.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:21 PM on December 6, 2001

I come to 9622 to get away from the big bad world of the FP. Now I have to think about Dick's Ball dropping and Miguel's Beer Nuts.

When do we get to the Notable 900s? I'm partial to 1-900-HOT-TEENS.
posted by eyeballkid at 8:25 PM on December 6, 2001

You keep mentioning this, eyeballkid and yet you fail to post a link. So I'm going to advance five hypotheses, all of them putative, should you know what the word "puta" means in the Nada-Beer-Nuts world. So here hoes, following jpoulo's example...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:40 PM on December 6, 2001

Is it a plane?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:40 PM on December 6, 2001

Are we not Devo?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:41 PM on December 6, 2001

Does it hurt?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:42 PM on December 6, 2001

Does "We will never reach 1000" mean anything to you?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:43 PM on December 6, 2001

Name the state where the Beer Nuts factory be and you may have the 900 marker.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:45 PM on December 6, 2001

Clue: It is in Bloomington, Indiana.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:45 PM on December 6, 2001

Which is way too far for me.

Wheeeeeee!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:47 PM on December 6, 2001

Mattpfeff: please verify that those were 5(five)hypotheses and that this last post did in fact reach the 900(nine hundred)mark.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:51 PM on December 6, 2001

Miguel - your posts and mouth runneth over - we're well into the 900's by now. Just calm down & munch on your beer nuts big fellah.
posted by kokogiak at 8:51 PM on December 6, 2001

Though I did cheat: Bloomington, Illinois was the correct answer...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:53 PM on December 6, 2001

I just want to say that I had a dream about pancakes the other day. Really. They were so delicious.

My wife believes this is a freudian displacement phenomenon.

Me? I just want some pancake goodness. Oh, and to wear them as a garter belt. Is that wrong?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:13 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:32 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:32 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:32 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:33 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:33 PM on December 7, 2001

(Okay. My wrist is starting to hurt from clicking the [post] button. And I feel a little woozy. I guess I'll come back and try again tomorrow.)
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:34 PM on December 7, 2001

We'll never reach 1000 because this thread doesn't exist anyway.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:39 PM on December 7, 2001

We'll never reach 9622 because this thread doesn't exist anyway.
posted by eyeballkid at 6:45 PM PST on December 7, 2004



Dude, time machines are cool.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:42 PM on December 7, 2001

Blackguard! Post not thy repetitive poppycock!

Wouldst thou waste the precious comment 911 with thy blather?!

Zounds! Hie thee to a nunnery!

or something.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:03 PM on December 7, 2001

TWEEEEEET!

Shadowkeeper, 2 minutes for needless repetition
posted by tj at 3:29 PM on December 7, 2001

I think this is now necessary. We've been slumping a little
posted by tj at 3:53 PM on December 7, 2001

AWWWWWWW! It's a monkey. Isn't he cute? Monkey!
posted by eyeballkid at 6:46 PM on December 7, 2001

GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE.....

sorry, drinking and linking
posted by eyeballkid at 6:54 PM on December 7, 2001

Heh! I could have been at that game, actually. I always go see my Giants when they play the hometown Disney franchise. I think the Rally Monkey, more than anything, got my wife interested in baseball.

I think the most pleasing thing about that clip is the sound of the buffoons who do the Angels commentary laughing like Beavis and Butthead.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:00 PM on December 7, 2001

Don't worry kids. You'll get there.
posted by tweebiscuit at 8:08 PM on December 7, 2001

You...you really think so Dad?
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:05 PM on December 7, 2001

Did you say Mandrill? Like the monkey?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:58 PM on December 9, 2001

Miguel, you're a dirty, dirty man.

Miguel the Master Plaster Caster, and the Will to Milk.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:23 PM on December 9, 2001

--- "Miguel! You are a dirty, dirty man!"

thanks, filepile.
posted by jpoulos at 8:52 PM on December 9, 2001

Emmanuel Lewis?!!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:18 PM on December 9, 2001

aww, duuuuuuuude!
posted by jpoulos at 6:45 AM on December 10, 2001

Not that I have anything against Webster personally, you understand. Just that he kind of creeps me out and should have to wear bells on his shoes so's I can hear him approaching.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:52 AM on December 10, 2001

930
posted by tj at 9:16 AM on December 10, 2001

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - again. I never get tired of mundane, non sequitor AP photos labeled as something urgent. Stupid Geese.
posted by kokogiak at 10:51 AM on December 10, 2001

Them geese can pick a man's skeleton clean in under a minute. I seen it happen, young whippersnapper, so if I was you, I'd just keep my yap shut about "stupid" geese.

Sometimes...death is bettah.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:10 AM on December 10, 2001

ok, how long till there's a front-page post about j.Nielsen's DVD menu article.. I give it 2 hours from now...
posted by tj at 12:48 PM on December 10, 2001

Oh it's imminent, all right!
But other dangers await. So, boys, listen to Uncle K and let's be careful out there!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:52 PM on December 10, 2001

Those scary geese are being fed in Mystic, THE MOST TERRIFYING TOWN IN CONNECTICUT!

I've been there. It's mind-bogglingly scary. The people are like zombies! I lose more brains that way.
posted by j.edwards at 2:12 PM on December 10, 2001

Is anyone else having trouble loading this thread. It's been crashing my browser recently. Miguel: Did you poison the thread again????
posted by jpoulos at 5:25 PM on December 10, 2001

Portuguese man he
took the blame
for the poisonin'
of the thread.

They found his quotes
in the comments
They found his fingerprints
all over the place.

*with apologies to the Cowboy Junkies*
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:45 PM on December 10, 2001

What do you mean, "again"? The first time wasn't proven. Matt removed me "into the corner" post and still this sacred thread refused entry to its finesy.
I wouldn't know how; would never do anything like that - apart from my natural way with words, that is.
Hey it's extremely difficult for me to get here as well. Perhaps(perish the thought!)it's too long...
Perhaps we'll neverreach one thousand!
Perhaps it's Matt's way of saying the Millenium is coming and he's giving us a taste of our own y2k!

Hey, wait a minute, do you suppose y2karl.... :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:14 PM on December 10, 2001

Perhaps we'll neverreach one thousand!

Sounds like a confession to me...or a threat!

Listen, kids, you behave or I'll turn this thread around....
posted by jpoulos at 8:16 PM on December 10, 2001

So - shall we make this a palindromic thread?

?daerht cimordnilap a siht ekam ew llahs - oS
posted by kokogiak at 8:28 PM on December 10, 2001

...dnoura daerht siht nrut ll'I ro evaheb uoy ,sdik ,nestiL

!taerht a ro...em ot noissefnoc a ekil sdnuoS

!dnasuoht eno hcaerreven ll'ew spahreP
posted by kokogiak at 8:32 PM on December 10, 2001

*whimper* stop with the backwards damnit. my head. can't take. pounding. miguel broke the thread. miguel broke the thread. it's like a convoluted carousel.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:13 PM on December 10, 2001

.lesuorac detulovnoc a ekil s'ti .daerht eht ekorb leugim .daerht eht ekorb leugim .gnidnuop .ekat t'nac .daeh ym .tinmad sdrawkcab eht htiw pots *repmihw*

oh, sorry.. what was that agian?
posted by tj at 8:02 AM on December 11, 2001

Okay, here's where I stand:

I sent Matt an email explaining the problem I was having with posting to this thread. (This is a follow-up to this problem) He laughed and told me that he would fix it. However, as of right now, the problem has not been fixed and I can only post here using Opera. I think that I sent him the request on the day of his father's heart trouble, so, I'm pretty sure I got lost in the shuffle.

There's no way I'm gonna send another email saying, "Why the hell haven't you fixed it yet?" So, I guess Opera is my only way out.

Just wanted you fellas to know that I haven't left you, I'm just sitting muffled on the sideline.

By the way, without me, you'll never reach a thousand.
posted by ColdChef at 9:08 AM on December 11, 2001

Hallelujah! Welcome back, Pavarotti!
*genuine sobbing, not just jessamyn crying*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:18 AM on December 11, 2001

Hallelujah! Welcome back, Pavarotti!

is that a "fat" joke?
posted by ColdChef at 10:32 AM on December 11, 2001

No, it's a "classy Opera" joke, you loveable fool. And José Carreras, though thin, is quite ill. Will you never get the tenor of my friendly remarks?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:40 AM on December 11, 2001

Sorry, Miguel. I cantor believe I doubted you.
posted by ColdChef at 12:56 PM on December 11, 2001

You guys are Caruso-ing for a bruising.

Gads! Sorry about that. I guess I was appealing to your basser instincts.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:56 PM on December 11, 2001

What the hell aria you talking about?
posted by jpoulos at 3:13 PM on December 11, 2001

I guess it was alto much for you eh jp?
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:51 PM on December 11, 2001

Verdi nice.
posted by eyeballkid at 5:59 PM on December 11, 2001

To the handsome gentlemen of the 9622 militia (and ladies that may be lurking):

Happy Holiday Season to you all! For all the joy you folks bring me on a day-to-day basis, I'd like to show y'all a little bit of Holiday Love. Inspired by this thread, my old lady and I slapped together a CD to send out to those we love and since we overestimated how many people like us, we've got a few discs left over.

So, here's a one time offer (limited to the first 12 or so replies): email me your favorite line from your favorite holiday movie and your mailing address and I'll send you a copy of our seasonal favorites*. Please include your MeFi name, so I'll know who the hell I am dealing with.

Hell, I'm feeling kind of generous this season. I may even be persuaded to send a copy to Portugal or South Korea (if you ask nicely).

*Act now, operators are standing by! Artists include: Clarence Carter, U2, Eartha Kitt, Jose Feliciano, Luther Vandross, Otis Redding, Robert Downey, Jr., Benny Grunch and the Bunch, Melissa Etheridge, Run DMC and many, many more...

Best wishes to you all!
posted by ColdChef at 10:36 AM on December 12, 2001

A Domingo ate my baby!
posted by transient at 11:38 AM on December 12, 2001

A Dominican ate my baby! He musta thought it was a fryer.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:35 PM on December 12, 2001

Mrs. Claus:
  Eat, Poppa, eat.
Santa Claus:
  How can I eat? That silly Elf Song is driving me crazy.
Mrs. Claus:
  You're gonna disappoint the children. They expect a fat Santa.
posted by kokogiak at 1:24 PM on December 12, 2001

ColdChef: I reject being called handsome. I've worked so hard not to be judged by my stunning good looks.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:37 PM on December 12, 2001

or rather, to not be judged. geez, i hate screwing up the punch line.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:38 PM on December 12, 2001

either way, we all understand that i'm stunningly handsome.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:40 PM on December 12, 2001

dream on kid, Your mom aslo told you that Santa is real....
posted by tj at 4:48 PM on December 12, 2001

"We're gonna go out there and have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fuckin' Kaye!"

The above quote, from "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" is unique in that it represents the last genuinely funny thing that Chevy Chase ever said.
posted by Optamystic at 6:48 PM on December 12, 2001

I hate to have to quote "The Eyeball Kid" here, as I know the song was not the raison d'etre of your nom de plume, but:

"He's not conventionally handsome
He'll never be tall"

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

on another tack:

I'm Mister White Christmas
I'm Mister Snow
I'm Mister something something
I'm Mister 20 below

Whatever I touch
Turns to ice in my clutch
I'm too much!

Was it just me or did everyone feel more of an affinity with the Snow-Miser than the Heat Miser? For years I was troubled by visions of little Heat-Miser henchmen dancing around me as I slept, possibly giving me the occasional hotfoot, as evil homonculi are wont to do.

Maybe it was the laudenum?
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:10 PM on December 12, 2001

As I said, stunningly handsome....
posted by eyeballkid at 7:38 PM on December 12, 2001

Coulda been the laudenum, mighta been the gin...

born without a body... or a brooowwww...
posted by transient at 6:44 AM on December 13, 2001

(fp, again)
posted by jpoulos at 4:50 PM on December 13, 2001

Say goodnight, Gracie.
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:33 PM on December 13, 2001

Geez, George looked a little rough before he passed away, huh?
posted by eyeballkid at 6:57 PM on December 13, 2001

Goodnight, gracie.
posted by jpoulos at 7:26 PM on December 13, 2001

Fools! Not George but Philip!
posted by skyscraper at 11:46 PM on December 13, 2001

Closer to this maybe?
posted by jpoulos at 6:01 AM on December 14, 2001

So, here's a one time offer (limited to the first 12 or so replies): email me your favorite line from your favorite holiday movie and your mailing address and I'll send you a copy of our seasonal favorites*. Please include your MeFi name, so I'll know who the hell I am dealing with.

Apparently, I overestimated how many people here like me as well, because so far, only one person has asked for a copy of our holiday compilation. Did I forget to mention that it's free? Did I forget to mention Benny Grunch and the Bunch?

Did I not say that I'm trying to spread a little fucking holiday joy?
posted by ColdChef at 10:38 AM on December 14, 2001

You people don't want holiday joy! You just want fucking monkeys.
posted by ColdChef at 10:43 AM on December 14, 2001

I've seen that horrible George Burns Monkey Picture before somewhere... Oh yes! Jesus' Homepage.
posted by j.edwards at 2:04 PM on December 14, 2001

Me want! Me want holiday compilation! Um, what do I have to do again? I'd scroll up, but I fear what came before.
posted by solistrato at 5:40 PM on December 14, 2001

Okay. I can take a hint. I begged and begged and only two of you are curious about my wack taste in music. So, I take the offer back.

No songs for you. Next!
posted by ColdChef at 7:22 AM on December 15, 2001

Chef, people are weird about that sort of thing. When Joey Ramone died, I offerred to buy a Ramones CD for the first three respondents. I only got one response.

I'd take you up on the offer, but I just made my own 2-disc compilation (featuring many of the same songs as yours, from the sound of it), and I'm Christmas-music'd to death.

Thank you for the offer, though. Happy Holiday.
posted by jpoulos at 7:46 AM on December 15, 2001

ColdChef: Much as I'd like to take you up on such a cool offer, I hate Xmas songs in general. It has nothing to do with the season, but more with the fact that most of them are just horrible tunes that wouldn't be given a second listen outside of the Dr. Demento show if they weren't attached to a holiday.

Cases in point: "The Little Drummer Boy," "Jingle Bells," "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"

There are, however, exceptions: "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues, "I'll Be Home For Christmas" when done by Sinatra, "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" U2's version and my favorite Xmas song of all time....

Christmas Time in the LBC by Jimmy Kimmel as Snoop Dog (half way down)
posted by eyeballkid at 11:13 AM on December 15, 2001

Come to think of it, I have enough anti-Christmas songs to make a killer anti-Christmas cd if anyone is interested. I'll take the first ten or so people who email me.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:16 AM on December 15, 2001

Coldchef -- does this mean I'm not getting my Christmas music? *cries self to sleep*
posted by j.edwards at 4:22 PM on December 15, 2001

Sorry if I came across as the Grinch there. I really do have love for all the Whos down in Whoville. Even you, little Cindy Lou Who.

I'll be mailing those CDs to all who requested one (a not too shabby nine of you) this week.

For the record, I think there's no better Christmas movie than "A Christmas Story" and my favorite quote in there (nearly every line is a perfect gem) is:
"Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!"
"Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie."

Have a holly jolly.
posted by ColdChef at 5:07 PM on December 15, 2001

I dinna request one, mostly because I'm grinchy. Offer appreciated tho.

Another good one from A Christmas Story: "He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny!"
posted by kokogiak at 10:00 PM on December 15, 2001

You do realize we are only 18 posts short of 1,000 don't you?
posted by kokogiak at 10:03 PM on December 15, 2001

actually, we're 17 short. but we'll never make it to 1,000.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:39 AM on December 16, 2001

Even you, little Cindy Lou Who.

Um... Did Coldchef just call me Cindy Lou?
posted by j.edwards at 4:00 AM on December 16, 2001

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
posted by ColdChef at 6:44 AM on December 16, 2001

So, I was testing out a theory of how long a thread can lie dormant and not actually be dead, and then, this happened. What is with the compulsion to check back later? And why do I feel a sense of pride for getting bitchslapped by "the man?"
posted by ColdChef at 6:50 AM on December 16, 2001

What's everyone's favorite letter? I like "f"
posted by geoff. at 1:59 PM on December 16, 2001

Geoff, you're absolutely right. There are twenty six letters and yet we have only a dozen posts to go.
So we should arrive, if mattpfeff is checking the numbers, well beyond a thousand. 1014? Though, of course, we'll never reach 11 hundred.
My favourite letter is U, as missing in our American friends' spelling. So we have F, we have U. Anyone for a Y?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:47 PM on December 16, 2001

If we've got an "F" and a "U," I'm willing to say that I can't decide between "C" and "K". They can both have the same hard sound, like in the word "LUCK."
posted by eyeballkid at 9:32 PM on December 16, 2001

schwa ....
posted by tj at 9:51 PM on December 16, 2001

From Miguel's blog:

Costumamos nós começar o dia com uma breve bisbilhotice via ICQ, em que fazemos o levantamento e

I don't speak the Portuguese, so I'm deprived of any clue about what is being said here, (not an entirely unusual state of affairs for me) but that's not my point. We're talking about favorite letters, here, and I'm gonna have to vote for that funky-lookin' "letter 'C' with a vestigal tail" that can be found in the word "comecar" in the above quote. What's that thing called, anyway?
posted by Optamystic at 1:07 AM on December 17, 2001

I'm going to have to go with "Letter From A Birmingham Jail".
posted by jpoulos at 7:37 AM on December 17, 2001

That explains why I had a dream about it.
posted by Optamystic at 7:40 AM on December 17, 2001

I like this letter, man.

(I am so, so, sorry for that.)
posted by ColdChef at 9:03 AM on December 17, 2001

I think we all know that every weblogger's favorite letter is "I". It's da letter-bomb!
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:36 AM on December 17, 2001

My username and domain name seem to betray a fondess for "k". But really I like the letter "z", mostly because of its archaic name - like "y" used to be known as "epsilon", "z" used to be known as "izzard". Plus it's a fun sound to make.
posted by kokogiak at 11:51 AM on December 17, 2001

Oh, and before we move past the thousand mark - a reminder: Monkeys are Sensitive. So stop teasing them.
posted by kokogiak at 11:59 AM on December 17, 2001

Is that "zed" or "zee" that you're thinking of?
posted by transient at 12:26 PM on December 17, 2001

We'll never reach...
posted by kokogiak at 12:48 PM on December 17, 2001

... 1,000 posts
posted by kokogiak at 12:48 PM on December 17, 2001

Someone needs to send Avagadro his
wake up call.
posted by ColdChef at 12:53 PM on December 17, 2001

Monkey
Monkey
Monkey
Monkey
Monkey
Monkey

damn your fast hands kokogiak!
posted by ColdChef at 1:01 PM on December 17, 2001

Someone needs to send Avagadro his
wake up call.

zuh?

/hits snooze bar, rolls over, snores
posted by Avogadro at 1:10 PM on December 17, 2001 [1 favorite]

We'll never reach 5,000.
posted by jpoulos at 2:26 PM on December 17, 2001

Oh no! We are not alone! Fuckin' fascists beat us to it again!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:24 PM on December 17, 2001

I can't read Portuguese, but I swear your last blog post is about drinking honey, aspirin and whiskey Miguel. What's up wit dat?
posted by eyeballkid at 9:42 AM on December 18, 2001

Ahh...ancient Portuguese ipecac, huh?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:01 PM on December 18, 2001

Speaking of blowing chunks...

I think the bestiality jokes and pornography are a nice match for the cute pink teddy bears.

But the "headshots" section wasn't...um...what I was hoping for.
posted by ColdChef at 12:39 PM on December 18, 2001

You wanted a match between between porn and cute pink teddy bears?

Don't ever say I didn't give you anything.

(but damnit, they don't have any monkeys!)
posted by eyeballkid at 1:28 PM on December 18, 2001

What's up wit dat?

Of course you read Portuguese. But for the benefit of the others:
It was my Irish Great Aunt Kate's cold remedy. You have to be in bed and very warm for it to work. Then you get someone to bring it to you, piping hot.
Two spoonfuls of honey, two shots of whisky, the juice of a whole lemon and two crushed Aspirins.
Next morning you stay in bed for an extra half-hour and, when you finally do get up, you're cured.
Honest. Never fails.

By the way, eyeballkid, thanks for rescuing me from that "Re.Drwittgenstein" nightmare over at the Yahoo Mefi Book Club. When I first looked I thought I was going to be lynched for my pretentious "nom de plume".

Though Kafkascampi, I ask you...!

why do I have the sudden feeling I've just ruined this thread?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:58 PM on December 18, 2001

Happy Holidays
posted by tj at 3:02 PM on December 19, 2001

Smarmy - yet useful link correction (I think you meant this: Happy Holidays)
posted by kokogiak at 3:42 PM on December 19, 2001

why do I have the sudden feeling I've just ruined this thread?

This is the funniest thing I've read today.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:00 AM on December 20, 2001

Another funny thing: long, but you shall enjoy (yes you shall):

A Tale of Two Cows:

---------------------------

CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

MICROSOFT: You buy the rights to two cows. You 'upgrade' them until they're bloated, unproductive and will only survive on MicrosoftFeed (tm). The milk they give can only be drunk from MicrosoftCups (tm) - Annoyingly, they keep getting a virus and dying.

APPLE: You have two cows. They're translucent! You can see all the guts and stuff. The cows cost more than other cows, but goddamn if they aren't the best-looking cows around.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows, but the milkmaid charges too much to milk them. You sell both cows, lay off the milkmaid, and move to mexico, where you can buy 100 cows and 20 milkmaids with the money and export it back to the States.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take your cows

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are an eleventh the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

TALIBAN ORGANIZATION: You have two cows. You load them up with explosives and herd them onto your neighbor's property where you blow them up. Your neighbor dies. You starve to death.

FREE AGENT: You have two cows. Despite the constant attention you pay them, there are frequent dry spells during which they don't give milk.

PINK SLIPPER: You have two cows. Suddenly they become a liability and you're forced to sell them on Ebay to pay your exorbitant rent.

DOT-COMMER: You have two cows. A week later you have two thousand cows. A week later you have none.

ENTREPRENEUR: You have two cows. You develop and launch tucows.com.

VENTURE CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You give them to the entrepreneur (see above).

CEO: You think you have two cows. You actually have two sheep, but no one's got the guts to tell you.

ANGEL INVESTOR: You have two cows. You give one to a start-up. The cow produces no milk. You exercise your exit option and get your cow back.

START-UP: You have two cows; your press release describes that as an IPO fast track.

START-UP II v2: You have two cows and 20 million in funding. publicly you promise 50 million gallons a year within two years, but privately you're still debating where the udders are and what they do.

DESIGNER: You have two cows. You move the udders to the side and paint them fluorescent yellow, hoping that will make the milking process more intuitive and fun.

PROGRAMMER: You have two cows. One keeps tipping over, yet nobody is pushing it. The other fails to yield any milk, despite being in good health. You spend nearly every waking minute trying to determine what is wrong with your cows and fixing them.

FILE SHARERS: You have two cows. You share clones of them with all the other herders in the pasture. The courts order the pasture closed for violating the copyright laws.

3D ARTISTS: We make our cows from scratch. They do what we want.

OPEN SOURCE: You have two cows. You invite other herders to improve your cows. You have two cows that are better than before.

GEORGE W. BUSH: One of your daddy's friends gives you two cows ...

NATIVE AMERICAN: You don't own two cows.

BUDDHIST: You are two cows.

ZEN: There are no cows.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
posted by kokogiak at 12:25 PM on December 20, 2001

Why don't you just go ahead and post that on every thread today, just for fun?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:35 PM on December 20, 2001

Only my two favorites!
posted by kokogiak at 12:53 PM on December 20, 2001

Or maybe it's just that you think cows aren't as funny as monkeys. Well, scientifically speaking it can be proved otherwise.
posted by kokogiak at 1:00 PM on December 20, 2001

Or maybe it's just that you think cows aren't as funny as monkeys. Well, scientifically speaking it can be proved otherwise.
posted by kokogiak at 1:01 PM on December 20, 2001

Kill me.
posted by kokogiak at 1:02 PM on December 20, 2001

You have two posts... aaahh, nevermind...
posted by transient at 1:28 PM on December 20, 2001

My personal fave:

PORTUGESE CORPORATION: You have two cult novelists. Miguel is number two.



no, I don't get it either...
posted by jpoulos at 1:51 PM on December 20, 2001

Can you imagine 50 Portuguese Cult Novelists, I say 50 Portuguese Cult Novelists walking in, singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out?!

Friends, they may think it's a movement - and that's what it is: The Portuguese Cult Novelist Anti-Massacree Movement and all you got to do to join is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guee-tar.

With feeling.

"You can get anything you chew
At 9622
You can get anything you knew
at 9622
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile
from the shaven yak.

You can get some monkeys on you
at 9622.
–excepting baboons–
You can get anything that's blue
at Ninety-six...Twenty Twoooo!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:40 PM on December 20, 2001

Um. No baboons? I want baboons. Your monkeycentric culture will not supress the natural affinity we all have for baboons. Baboons. Baboons. Say "baboons". Then say "monkeys". See what I mean? Case closed. Give us baboons.
posted by skyscraper at 5:11 PM on December 20, 2001

posted by jpoulos at 7:25 PM on December 20, 2001

ugh. sorry for the gif. I should have used the jpg.
posted by jpoulos at 7:26 PM on December 20, 2001

posted by jpoulos at 7:41 PM on December 20, 2001

What is the evolutionary benefit of having a Bright Blue and Red face? It either says "Scary as Hell badass" or "Freaky Clown". Or perhaps both. (I feel the urge to say something about two cows...)
posted by kokogiak at 11:25 PM on December 20, 2001

You have two asses. One is blue and one is magenta.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:09 AM on December 21, 2001

how did you know?
posted by tj at 9:36 AM on December 21, 2001

I just can't remember which is formal and which is casual. It's nice to have an ass you can dress up or down, as the occasion suits.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:27 AM on December 21, 2001

That baboon has a better dental plan than I do.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:42 PM on December 21, 2001

is it safe?
posted by tj at 9:27 PM on December 25, 2001

Yes the Claus Entity has come and gone.
posted by kokogiak at 11:26 PM on December 25, 2001

*yawn* [stretch] *groan*

what was in that eggnog?
posted by jpoulos at 8:16 AM on December 26, 2001

Man! I just flew in from San Jose!

can a brother get a punch line?

and a Heineken?
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:26 PM on December 26, 2001

You have two Heinekens...
posted by kokogiak at 11:23 PM on December 26, 2001

Wait a minute. I've heard that one...

One Heineken always lies and one always tells the truth. What question do you ask to figure out which is which?

Remember...Dutch beer LIES! Now that nice Belgian Stella...she always tells the truth.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:18 PM on December 27, 2001

Happy Nude Year!
posted by ColdChef at 11:02 PM on December 27, 2001

Talk about a thread killer. It's gone all creepy and flaccid in here.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:00 PM on December 28, 2001

I miss the monkeys. I don't like the creepy sacks. Miguel doesn't like the ( . ) ( . ) 's.
posted by eyeballkid at 7:50 PM on December 28, 2001

Towards a Hardening of Public Attitude: Creepy Monkey ( . ) .
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:17 PM on December 28, 2001

Hap-Hap-Hap-py New Blinkin' Year!

2002 - the first palindromic year since 1991 (and before that, what ... 1881?) It'll be 110 years until we see the next one (2112). Most likely you and me and everyone we now know will be dead by then.

Lovely thoughts after a week of depressing 'year-end-wrap-up' news. G'night.
posted by kokogiak at 3:01 AM on January 1, 2002

Cheers, kokogiak!

The last palindromic year was 1991. We've been talking about what a good year it was over on that unmentionable unquestionably other thread. You know, the Onion one we post to just because our beloved mattpfeff has been cruelly impeded from posting here, to his natural habitat. You did know he's made a clearing there for us nine sixers, didn't you?

By the way, your optimistic "most likely" made my new year! Who knows, indeed? One thing is certain: this thread will still be here to haunt our misbehavin' grandchildren!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:06 PM on January 1, 2002

Did anyone notice what this thread points to now? Warning... Porn in them thar hills. I emailed Matt about it weeks ago, but I guess he rather leave it. Too funny...
posted by Meta Filter Server at 6:38 PM on January 2, 2002

You wouldn't happen to work for the folks who made that ad, would you, MFS? Reveal Thyself!
posted by jpoulos at 7:09 PM on January 2, 2002

The game is afoot!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:34 PM on January 2, 2002

The foot is agape! The mouth is inserted! The hole of the truth is uncovered!

*sound of half-morphed roaches scuttling/stepping across the #006699*
posted by eyeballkid at 2:15 AM on January 3, 2002

*sound of half-morphed roaches scuttling/stepping across the #006699*

The soul of Gregor Samsa does indeed live on, brothers.

And the applause for a return to form in this thread is deafening!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:35 AM on January 3, 2002

monkeys
posted by jpoulos at 10:50 AM on January 3, 2002

hrm... so how is everybody doing?
posted by tj at 1:22 PM on January 3, 2002

Can't talk. Morphing.
posted by transient at 5:08 PM on January 3, 2002

9622: C'mon and raise up. Take your shirt off. Twist it 'round your hand. Spin it like a helicopter.

9622: C'mon and raise up. This one's for you. (This one's for who?) Us. Us. US!

Wow... I just morphed into Petey Pablo...
posted by jpoulos at 5:58 PM on January 3, 2002

jaw...hurt...bad...

More codeine! MORE!!
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:18 PM on January 3, 2002

Did anyone notice what this thread points to now?

If that little white, err marital aide, resembles Steve. Well, lets just say I'd hate to be Steve.
posted by skallas at 2:09 AM on January 4, 2002

posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:06 PM on January 4, 2002

I'd just like to say that (shadow's one-for-the-gipper, old-college-try aside) this thread is really starting to underachieve. You people better start shaking your butts, or there'll be hell to pay.

What is that? A pledge pin? ON YOUR UNIFORM?????
posted by jpoulos at 12:30 PM on January 4, 2002

sorry, I spent the day watching lawnmower racing on speedvision today
posted by tj at 4:32 PM on January 4, 2002

Monkey + Farts= MonkeyFarts
posted by ColdChef at 9:52 AM on January 5, 2002

Man! You kill all the threads.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:19 PM on January 7, 2002

I just wanna be loved, is that so wrong?
I'm sorry...
posted by ColdChef at 7:36 PM on January 7, 2002

All right, what in THE HELL...Two days without a post? What's wrong with you? Come on! Do it for Texas!

Besides, now that Spoonfed's down, this is becoming my blog.
posted by solistrato at 7:32 PM on January 9, 2002

look (.swf)
posted by jpoulos at 7:41 PM on January 9, 2002

I just wanna be loved

Oh but you are, you are!

Y'all click on jpoulos's link now. I'd effing-peepee this but I just posted a stupid clock; big lug that I am.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:04 PM on January 9, 2002

That was inspirational.

I'm gonna go start a paper route right now!

Why did they have to soil that brilliance with the "j00" crap??!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:21 PM on January 9, 2002

Miguel: Right back at ya, man.

K: Yeah, I was a little offput by the "fairy" reference, but I'm a happy red monkee otherwise.
posted by ColdChef at 9:27 PM on January 9, 2002

no one ever gives me mad props anymore... ok, I don't deserve them lately, but so what?

Oh! and jpoulos, you're my hero for that swf....
but I'm going to have nightmares now, cause that song was more than a little creepy
posted by tj at 12:25 AM on January 11, 2002

k, that was "l33t sp33k"... amazing how wannabe gamer dorks pick up on stuff that was annoying back in '89 isn't it?
posted by tj at 12:26 AM on January 11, 2002

9622: how wannabe gamer dorks pick up on stuff that was annoying back in '89

for I have 1337 ali3n4ti0n skillz...
posted by j.edwards at 11:38 PM on January 13, 2002

i like it when the monkey wiggles his butt.
posted by jpoulos at 2:00 PM on January 14, 2002

monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey

whew! had to get that out of my system
posted by tj at 10:46 AM on January 15, 2002

Well thanks, tj, for getting the ball rolling again. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:17 PM on January 15, 2002

Where the hell is Kafkaesque? Is he off lost in a codeine-induced funk? Again?
posted by jpoulos at 12:19 PM on January 15, 2002

mungki munky monkee monqui munnkey munkie monkey maunckee monkhee mongke mungky mungki munky monkee monqui munnkey munkie monkey maunckee monkhee mongke mungky mungki munky monkee monqui munnkey munkie monkey maunckee monkhee mongke mungky.

whee-yu! haed two ghet thadt aut uv mai siss-tum.
posted by kokogiak at 1:18 PM on January 15, 2002

Where the hell is Kafkaesque?

Yeah, kokogiac on an off-day is just not the same. :)

And we need to find a way of bringing cool mattpfeff back on board if we entertain any hope of reaching 1100 and, eventually, the years we were all born in.

Hell, even if we only entertain, period. Which we're not doing. Apart from jpoulos.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:15 PM on January 15, 2002

I don't get the mattpfeff thing. What can't he post again?
posted by jpoulos at 4:20 PM on January 15, 2002

He suffers from a technical disability which prevents him. He tried that other thread we all know nothing about; but it's not the same.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:34 PM on January 15, 2002

the years we were all born in.

Of course, we've already done mine. *feeds on blood of the living*
posted by j.edwards at 5:11 PM on January 15, 2002

Can't he use a different browser?
posted by jpoulos at 6:30 PM on January 15, 2002

Can't he use a different browser?

Only if you ask him very nicely. And if IE craps out on him when he's previewing a comment in MeTa and he has to force quit and lose it. And if he really wants to tell all you slackers that if you'd checked Kafkaesque's website you'd know he was away for a week....
posted by mattpfeff at 9:04 PM on January 15, 2002

Well, mattpfeff, looks like you'll have to do.

Kafka sometimes dances and stuff for us. Just to make us smile. Can you do that?
posted by jpoulos at 9:33 PM on January 15, 2002

Knock. Yourselves. Out!

P.S. Opera is cool, especially when scrolling, but it missizes any font with size specified in (like on this site). Though it helped me notice I'd put some of my <a> styles backward in the stylesheet on my site....
posted by mattpfeff at 9:48 PM on January 15, 2002

argh. size specified in px, that is. Dunno where that text went.... Danged Opera browser. Did I mention it's impossible to read text typed into text fields with it? Letters look like squished ants.

(This is of course all part of Cardoso's sinister plot to reach 1,356,048,784 (his age in seconds). Let me be the first to say, we'll never reach 1,356,048,784. Not ever.)
posted by mattpfeff at 9:55 PM on January 15, 2002

We're grateful for your efforts to join us. It's been awfully lonely around here recently. BTW, Opera for Windows is exceptional. You should buy a PC. Do it for the cause, man.

E-le-ven Thou-sand! E-le-ven Thou-sand!
posted by jpoulos at 7:12 AM on January 16, 2002

To make, how you say?, celebration for mattpfeff's homecoming, here is French cutting-edge avant-garde animation monkey coming up!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:31 AM on January 16, 2002

Adam Ant may have gone mental. This provided the opportunity for me to read my favorite sentence so far this year: "Under the Mental Health Act, doctors will be able to hold Ant for 28 days while they assess his condition."

Generally, I can only hold ant for a couple of hours or so.
posted by kokogiak at 10:16 AM on January 16, 2002

Ah yes, but ant can hold chip much longer!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:43 PM on January 16, 2002

HEY! It's us!
posted by jpoulos at 9:13 AM on January 17, 2002

Well if that isn't find of the century, nothing is! Just this once, couldn't the image be posted here, lest we forget?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:47 AM on January 17, 2002

only for you, my friend:

posted by jpoulos at 12:11 PM on January 17, 2002

"9622: Both Scatalogical and Involves Monkeys"
posted by jpoulos at 12:14 PM on January 17, 2002

Dude, this thread is getting old. On a lighter note: I'd give my left nut to give this kid a stickpin.
posted by ColdChef at 12:56 PM on January 17, 2002

How bored can you get? This bored - anagrams for "nine thousand six hundred twenty two":

Extended inanity hurts! Shut down now!

Nutty sex on withdrawn hedonist nude.
posted by skyscraper at 2:20 PM on January 17, 2002

I would like to publicly condemn ColdChef for suggesting that Scatalogical Monkey should be the MeFi Mascot. Silly Chef, it's the 9622 mascot.

sorry, it's the margaritas
posted by eyeballkid at 4:43 PM on January 17, 2002

Seconded. And that "thread is getting old" comment was way out of line too. But will he be the first aboard the Jazzy 1100? We just don't know.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:48 PM on January 17, 2002

Who you callin' grumpy?
posted by Optamystic at 5:44 PM on January 17, 2002

I had pancakes tonight with my son. Pancakes smothered with strawberries, maple syrup, whipped cream, and a big, fat vanilla milkshake.

Word.
posted by adampsyche at 6:44 PM on January 17, 2002

I used to love it when my mom had to work late and my dad would cook. The only thing he knew how to cook was pancakes, and he had learned to cook those in the Army, so he whipped up collossal batches, and supervised his five sons as we spooned our own pancakes onto the grill, making goofy shapes with the batter. Then we would eat them with peanut butter and strawberry jam and wash them down with huge tumblers of milk.

Good times.
posted by Optamystic at 7:02 PM on January 17, 2002

Jazzy 1100 Features
* Speed range adjustable up to 4.5 m.p.h. (VROOM!)
* Mag wheels (Oh yeah...)
* Numerous seating options I wonder if this is one of them.

I'd also like to publically apologize for trying to give away our mascot. I was just looking for a way to use the phrase "I'd give my left nut..." So...I'm sorry. I'd give my left nut to take it back.
posted by ColdChef at 7:05 PM on January 17, 2002

I need a life.
posted by jpoulos at 7:07 PM on January 17, 2002

Oh, and the anagram thing?
How bored can you get? This bored - anagrams for "nine thousand six hundred twenty two":
Extended inanity hurts! Shut down now!

Pure fucking genius! That one comment made me laugh more than almost any other in this entire thread. Brava!
posted by ColdChef at 7:09 PM on January 17, 2002 [1 favorite]

You did it again, Cold Chef. No wonder I love you. But will your future wife understand? :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:28 PM on January 17, 2002

Hey, you're over 1100 comments! r0x0r l33t ph34r

That's about all the hax0rsp34k I know.
posted by solistrato at 8:03 PM on January 17, 2002

jpoulos - I understand the pancakes in the monkey's left hand (nice touch with the blueberries and all). But what's up with the Snickers bar in his right hand? Some scatological reference, like the unabashed swimming pool scene in Caddyshack? Or, maybe he just likes Snickers.

Now that we have a mascot, 9622 needs a sponsor. I nominate Enron, since it's fucked-up, huge, confusing and is looked down upon. They could maybe afford a TextAd...
posted by kokogiak at 8:30 PM on January 17, 2002

It's actually a breakfast sausage, to go with the pancakes. But I intended it to bear a resemblance to something, um, scatological. Dude. It's art.

Enron is ideal. Any company that could potentially bring down the Bush presidency is OK in my book.
posted by jpoulos at 9:28 PM on January 17, 2002

posted by y2karl at 11:27 PM on January 17, 2002

We'll never reach 1200.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:57 AM on January 18, 2002

Monkey with scatalogical humor. {at least my wife thinks so}
posted by eyeballkid at 9:47 AM on January 18, 2002

Huh? What?

OK. I'm back. Hide yer poultry!

Love the monkey, JP.

I have grown in such new and exciting ways in the last week. For example, I discovered that the only thing worse than a weekend in Atlantic City is a WEEK in Atlantic City.

*shudder*
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:11 PM on January 18, 2002

Hooray, he's back. Nay, they're both back!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:39 PM on January 18, 2002

That ingrate never gave me dime one of his mega-opera-star riches either. But..but it's OK. He's moved on to bigger and better chimp things, as chimps are wont to do. Last I heard he was going to make a movie with an action star whose career is starting to lag.
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:18 PM on January 18, 2002

As it's 1111, can I say LOL?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:20 PM on January 18, 2002

OK, time for me to spout off. I understand using shorthand when you're on IRC or any Instant Messaging client, but I find the whole LOL, ROFLMAO, etc. thing EXTREMELY annoying in any email I recieve.. if it's worth saying, then type the shit out.... (that, and a prepostion is a bad thing to end a sentence with)

Why are we as a culture (meaning the 'internet culture' if there is such a thing) continuing to be lazy as hell with everything, right down to personal correspondance?

Or am I just being a dick about this? (that is a serious question)
posted by tj at 1:03 AM on January 19, 2002

You are not a dick. You are, however, takin' this shit a little too seriously.
posted by Optamystic at 3:52 AM on January 19, 2002

Oh my dear god.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:28 AM on January 19, 2002

Cliq aki pra escutar ele dando sua famosa risada.
posted by y2karl at 8:52 PM on January 19, 2002

I guess that was more interesting than the shiny red X, karl, but "accesso probido" is still not too illuminating.

Thanks for playing though.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:38 PM on January 19, 2002

lol
posted by jpoulos at 10:32 PM on January 19, 2002

So did you ever get our Beer Nuts, Miguel?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:32 PM on January 19, 2002

Ahem. "Your" Beer Nuts. Not "our" Beer Nuts.

Just so you don't think that Miguel and share nuts or anything. My nuts can't handle all those intercontinental flights, though the potential for frequent flyer miles is impressive.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:34 PM on January 19, 2002

Just so you don't think that Miguel and share nuts or anything.

What a selfless remark.

And, um,

Cliq aki pra escutar ele dando sua famosa risada.


It would help to click on it in review, I suppose...

posted by y2karl at 1:13 AM on January 20, 2002

As for the red x--sometimes it works for me, but for the record:
posted by y2karl at 1:15 AM on January 20, 2002

posted by y2karl at 1:18 AM on January 20, 2002

20 comments to go. I think Homer is gonna take it, Tron-style.
posted by j.edwards at 4:29 AM on January 20, 2002

Now now, y2karl. I know you're not so irresponsible as to steal bandwidth for those images. Especially considering the traffic that this thread will get for the rest of eternity....right?
posted by jpoulos at 8:28 AM on January 20, 2002

Don't make me get out my HTML editor, y2karl! You Cohen-bashing dervish, you! ;) That's all I'm saying. (WTF is it, anyway?)

Yes, Kafkaesque, thanks very much - I did. It turned out the beer nuts(which heretoafter I'll always think of as ours, like Paris) imported by this English woman who has an expatriate's shop - where you can also get French's deli mustard, the new orange KitKat, Casa Fiesta jalapeños...

Everything except those 300 tablet Excedrine plastic jars I love. Here in dipsy Europe the most you can get at one time is...wait for it...18.

J.edwards: A second friendly e-mail to you, about some impressive posting of yours, bounced back. So cheers, anyway!

When will those soiled nappies leave my head space?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:04 PM on January 20, 2002

Not everyone has a a blog from which to pig out on image posts plus there is the fact that this isn't exactly the Trisha Campbell web page, hit-wise. Of course, we could put a counter here to find out. Anyway, I'd be happy to have Matt yank 'em, if it really is a problem. I'll stay out of here from now on, too.
posted by y2karl at 12:24 PM on January 20, 2002

I am sorry about that last comment--I've been up for a couple of days packing and cleaning and, all in all, my current circumstances are dire. It's getting to me. I am very stressed and it's coming out here, I'm sorry to say.
posted by y2karl at 5:21 PM on January 20, 2002

Has anyone noticed we're nearing 1142?
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:25 PM on January 20, 2002

1129
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:11 PM on January 20, 2002

Hey, everybody!

Today is the 21st day of the 1st month of 2002 and it's my 2 daughters' 2ist birthday.

(I know, I know, but it's a happy day for us, the numbers are cool and where else can a guy break the good news if not on good old 9622?) :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:28 AM on January 21, 2002

Well congrats, Portugueezer.

2ist.....is that 21 or 2?

I'm all confused.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:44 PM on January 21, 2002

Congratulations, Mr. C. I hope you haven't messed them up too badly. :-)

Hey, everyone, our own little mattpfeff is all grown up, having come of age with his own site. Be sure to read his first online "ficticious" work. Great stuff, matt.
posted by jpoulos at 3:33 PM on January 21, 2002

Congrats Miguel, though I'm flummoxed too. Do you have two daughters with a '2ist' birthday, or just one of them with a 2nd birthday. You crazy Portugese.

Now on to the Simian Section of today's post: http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20020121/hl/drugs_cocaine.html - but don't let the URL fool you, the story is all Monkeys!
posted by kokogiak at 3:54 PM on January 21, 2002

I am rereading one of my favorite novels right now, and just had to share a little line of 9622esque text:

"'No. You're not prying. I'm just kinda tired. Like a monkey in the rain.'"
--Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami

Magic eh?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:18 PM on January 21, 2002

OK, Opera crapped out on me, this is my bleeping 2nd time loading this dang long-ass thread with all its bleeping inline images and thousand-plus monkeys, so don't you ever again wonder if I don't love you all. Or something.

And, dang you jpoulos, this is the second time you've made me break out the ol' Opera, with its tiny fonts and infernal crash propensity. But, verily, thank you. I am but the humble servant of the greater glory that is the web.

And, MC, do I understand you right, you have 2 daughters and they have the same birthday? Are they twins, or do you and the Missus just have damn good, er, timing? (And which one shares your MeFi account, and fills in on that 1 day of the month when you take a nap?)
posted by mattpfeff at 4:19 PM on January 21, 2002

Ha ha! Thanks, guys. They were 21 today. They're identical twins. From my first marriage. I married for the third and last time last year. (Just in case the real Missus reads this, you understand). Anyway, I showed them your comments and they were chuffed!

ColdChef's marriage, my daughters' birthday - whatever next? :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:36 PM on January 21, 2002

umm...Arbor Day?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:40 PM on January 21, 2002

I accuse you of being a 2ist.
posted by transient at 9:17 AM on January 22, 2002

Well, it is the loneliest number since the number 1.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:27 AM on January 22, 2002

*smiles*
posted by baby buddha at 10:59 AM on January 22, 2002

Arbor Day, huh? As this is 1141, I accuse K of being someone who stalks and guys trees.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:10 AM on January 22, 2002

Let 1142 be forever remembered as a monument to John Denver. Half man, two-fifths Lorax, seven-sixteenths bad actor, one twenty-seventh muzak maker, and all inspirational, baby.

Viva John! John is dead!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:36 PM on January 22, 2002

Ain't nothin kills a thread like a little Annie's Song.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:11 AM on January 23, 2002

It's not dead, it's just resting.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:13 AM on January 24, 2002

John Denver is only just a little fraction of the dead that I'd like him to be.
posted by dong_resin at 7:28 AM on January 24, 2002

This thread is totally pining for the fjords.
posted by jpoulos at 8:58 AM on January 24, 2002

Russian Mr.Eds had it better.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:34 PM on January 24, 2002

And so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes....
posted by feelinglistless at 1:50 PM on January 25, 2002

I'm bored. Work sucks.
I'm tired of talking to idiots on the phone.
I just wanna go home.
posted by ColdChef at 1:59 PM on January 25, 2002

Where's that happy little red monkee when you need him?
posted by ColdChef at 2:02 PM on January 25, 2002

Here ya go.
posted by Optamystic at 2:44 PM on January 25, 2002

And then, by great design & superior timing, the idealic thread was turned... by flick of a semi-limp wrist & a wink of an eye.
posted by thekorruptor at 3:34 PM on January 25, 2002

<!-- INSIDER JOKES DON'T HAVE TO BE FUNNY -->
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 4:19 PM on January 25, 2002

Eerie. That thread started on my birthday. Well, technically Neil Young had that birthday before me. I bet he just got a chill, wherever he is.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:51 PM on January 25, 2002

Now showing: The Old Lady And The Fly.

*deathly crickets*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:23 AM on January 27, 2002

A zen monk asked Tozan "When is a joke not a joke? Come, say a word about this!" Since he amongst all the monks was one known as a smart-ass, he answered : "Every thread is a good thread."
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:26 PM on January 27, 2002

In so many words:

"Nice threads"

Maybe that's the new MeFi Tee design.
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:44 PM on January 27, 2002

"Nice threads"

Dude, that's brilliant.
posted by Optamystic at 7:21 PM on January 27, 2002

Seconded.

<voice style="shouting over the hubbub">Somebody want to summon the Giant Floating Head of Mathowie? I think we have a winner here.</voice>
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:17 PM on January 27, 2002

Thirded.

Also suggest be shipped "post free".
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:25 PM on January 27, 2002

"Nice threads"

"Thanks, I've always looked good in #006699."
posted by kokogiak at 11:23 AM on January 29, 2002

Overheard conversation snippet:

"Well, what happens if we generate a bad mouse?"

"We can always have it self-terminate, or at least vanish from view."

"Probably better to self-terminate, but how can we stop it from being bad in the first place?"

(solution mumbled - unheard)
posted by kokogiak at 11:26 AM on January 29, 2002

New band names:

Mus Musculus And The Unheard
The Eavesdroppers, featuring Kokogiak
Solution Mumbled And The Snippets

(Meanwhile, *poor mus musculus, twitching, says goodbye to that eighth litter*)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:39 AM on January 29, 2002

hmmm

how bout Mucus Pukus and the Phlegmatics?

or is that gross?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:58 PM on January 29, 2002

names suggested for a band I was in back in '92 (we ran a contest):

Al Sharpton's Medallions
The Cunning Linguists
Rodham
Sodomy Lounge
Buttnugget
Commander Zoom's 3D Pornhouse


thankfully, none of these were used
posted by tj at 8:58 PM on January 29, 2002

dong _resin & the Smegmatics?
posted by y2karl at 9:26 PM on January 29, 2002

I was always fond of the name 'SkulFuk', but only if both the u's had umlauts, a la Motorhead.

This was before I heard of 'squicking'. And no, I'm not going to link anything.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:23 AM on January 30, 2002

SkülFük and the Googleteasers.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:08 AM on January 30, 2002

Dick Slexic and the Slick Dexics.
posted by transient at 6:40 AM on January 30, 2002

Haughey and the Pussycats

Photoshop away!
posted by Optamystic at 7:14 AM on January 30, 2002

Photoshop away!

Photoshop away!
posted by y2karl at 9:28 AM on January 30, 2002

uh.

OK?
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:38 AM on January 30, 2002

Swing low, sweet 9622. Comin' forth to carry me home. Swing Low!

When I was in high school, we wanted to name our band "Aborted Chicken Embryos on Toast."
posted by eyeballkid at 10:52 AM on January 30, 2002

[that didn't go over to well with the chicks]
posted by eyeballkid at 10:54 AM on January 30, 2002

[that didn't go over too well with the chicks]
posted by eyeballkid at 10:54 AM on January 30, 2002

"Rufe is a fibrous little poultryman of sixty-odd(...)who has forgotten more about baby chicks than Harper's Bazaar will ever know. Not that this slick publication ordinarily concerns itself with anything so mundane, but spread out on the page before me was a photograph of seven cheeping Leghorns chicks pecking straw, seductively captioned And Even the Chicks Work for Beauty"

[From S.J.Perelman's Personne Ici Except Us Chickens]
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:25 AM on January 30, 2002

buk buk buk

bkaw!

Bukowski Chicken.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:13 PM on January 31, 2002

Monkey plays video game by thought alone.

Monkey then goes on to fire up browser (Opera of course), and visit metafilter.com. Monkey spoofs identity of minor participant kokogiak. Monkey touts newfound mind power in obscure thread 9622.

Monkey rules. Monkey wills all others to submit. Monkey needs tetris fix (and a nice banana please).
posted by kokogiak at 1:47 PM on January 31, 2002

Man that article's bad news for anyone who ever thought about dropping a safe on their boss.

Or maybe good news.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:25 PM on January 31, 2002

I am hereby quitting thread 9622. I am sick and tired of the elitist group of whiners and engrish language Nazis who spout their left wing crap and fondle their monkey genatalia. Yea, once upon a time the 9622 thread was a wonder to behold, a shining beacon that promised relief from the horror that was the front page.

Lately, though, the fear mongers and the chicken cluckers and those who dare sing the theme to the BloodHound Gang (*you know who you are you BlogFucker) and inspire me to sing it out loud WHILE I AM WORKING and my co-workers look on with that he's doing it again look are turning the once noble and true 9622 into a reeking cesspool of division and damnedable contempt for all that is right and holy in the #069.

I fear for the future of this thread, which is being run by a mad mad mad Portuguese novelist with an obsession with all things simian whose closest cohort seems to be an absurdist novelist with an eye for the ironic turn of the phrase. And the rest of the crew, don't get me started. A ColdChef. A ColdChef?? Cooks use heat to make food. All your good for is a bowl of cold and dreary gazpacho.

So it is with this that I leave you, never to return to this dreary thread. Disappointed in all of you, I shall never look back.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:48 PM on January 31, 2002

We'll never make it to 1200.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:49 PM on January 31, 2002

Can I have your user number?
posted by kokogiak at 9:38 PM on January 31, 2002

And lo and behold it came to pass that I shall quote the Old Testament at you for if eyeballkid says he's sick of the lot of us then verily we must be scum for his lips never issue nowt but truths and even on a bad day the sun does shine out of his holy behind and so it is now our duty to all leave 9622 and leave all our user numbers to kokogiac - for he be the one that verily angered Ezrael in that other thread with his cruel, yet immortal question "Can I have your user number?" - and come back tomorrow, for we are reaching 1200 even as we sputter.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:33 AM on February 1, 2002

I just wanted to say it before MiguelCardoso gets a chance, do you think we will get to 1300?

Miguel: 600, 700, 800, 1100, 1200
posted by peterbaer at 3:09 AM on February 1, 2002

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just... sometimes you're just so cruel. I feel unloved. I know you have other users. Users that you let post on you. It just makes me so sad sometimes, to see you, my sweet 9622, letting those other MeFites shower you with pictures of monkeys and links to old men resembling monkeys who resemble old men. I tried to ignore it, I really did, but you are just so important to me. I can't leave you, you are my destiny my dear 9622. I'm not asking you to quit being the thread that you are. I know you won't. I just needed some time to think. I saw some other threads, I hope you're not jealous.

You're being silent. What's wrong? You're jealous aren't you! You son of a bitch! So you can have other posters and I can't have other threads? Huh? Is that it? Well fuck you 9622. Bastard! I am out of here!

*slam*
posted by eyeballkid at 9:31 AM on February 1, 2002

A ColdChef?? Cooks use heat to make food. All your good for is a bowl of cold and dreary gazpacho.
Fine! You want something hot and steaming? Here goes:
Got Milk?
posted by ColdChef at 9:40 AM on February 1, 2002

Eyeballkid, I think you just need some space.

I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space. I think you just need some space.
posted by jpoulos at 10:54 AM on February 1, 2002

when will I learn NOT to click on those links....
posted by tj at 1:11 PM on February 1, 2002

We are now only 11 posts away from 1200 and I already know ColdChef is going to be first past the post, wherever he is. As always I'll be giving it a try but, quite frankly, the atmosphere recently just sucks. It's all "may I?" and "please do?" with everyone terrified of discussing gonads and strife and other such matters. So I'm leaving 9622 too too. Me and eyeballkid will try and take as many diehards as we can. This is not the 9622 we knew and loved when we were young and Rome was Rome.

Take it away, peterbaer!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:47 PM on February 1, 2002

With everyone leaving, you'd think this would be a quieter thread. With 40+ posts in the past week alone, the silence is deafening.

But since the crowd is thinning out, let's get down to what this thread is really all about: who has the best beef and lamb recipes?
posted by kokogiak at 2:29 PM on February 1, 2002

I favor the turducken variety where you put the cow inside the lamb.

Of course, in the interest of pleasing our PETA friends, you can give them a local first.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:47 PM on February 1, 2002

Thank you Miguel.

And now for my acceptance speech.

Uh, wait, I came here because Miguel was here and now that he is gone I fell that Miguelifilter has changed. I's just not how I remember it. Damn us newbies!

Miguel! Please come back.
posted by peterbaer at 6:55 PM on February 1, 2002

You made Miguel SAD!
   
posted by jpoulos at 7:34 PM on February 1, 2002

Can't we all just get along?
posted by peterbaer at 8:20 PM on February 1, 2002

I don't know, the new guy's got a point {and a chimp pic}.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:49 PM on February 2, 2002

Pass the new boy: 1196 and counting...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:14 PM on February 2, 2002

Chuckles nervously while slowly backing away from "Scoutmaster Miguel".
posted by Optamystic at 7:27 PM on February 2, 2002

Will someone please put us at 1200?
posted by jpoulos at 8:27 AM on February 3, 2002

please?
posted by jpoulos at 8:27 AM on February 3, 2002

Your wish is my command.
posted by Optamystic at 8:34 AM on February 3, 2002

Humming Aud Lang Syne and cheering wildly as ball drops
posted by Optamystic at 8:40 AM on February 3, 2002

Apparently, the ball dropped earlier than most thought.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:01 PM on February 3, 2002

Optamystic lobs, eyeballkid spikes. Brutal.

And to think I almost typed "humming Aud Lang Syne as the ball drops". That would have been worse, methinks.
posted by Optamystic at 3:35 PM on February 3, 2002

One of my dog's testicles never dropped. They had to fish it out when they neutered him.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.
posted by jpoulos at 9:47 PM on February 3, 2002

Email I just received from an ex-girlfriend. In its entirety:

Go Pats!

My response:

They went!
posted by jpoulos at 9:50 PM on February 3, 2002

My cat's breath smells like cat food

Mine tastes like burning.
posted by eyeballkid at 10:59 AM on February 4, 2002

Balls are dropping
In an unfathomable
Display of testicular gravity.
Somewhere, far off,
A kitty with halitosis cries
And the Indian, impassive,
Says not a word.
Monkeys weep in poesy
Lost in unconscious bop.

meeow! Pop!

Tathagata.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:31 AM on February 4, 2002

nine-six-two-two
electric boogaloo
posted by goneill at 7:49 PM on February 4, 2002

ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Death By Monkeys!
posted by eyeballkid at 11:26 PM on February 4, 2002

Sunshine Lolibot never stood a chance. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:14 AM on February 5, 2002

Hey! That's not a youthful Miguel in the gold Lame smoking jacket, posing behind the aforementioned Lolibot is it?

Come clean, Monsieur Cardoso! We have a right to know! What the hell are you building in there?
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:33 AM on February 5, 2002

Eek! Let's get this show back on the road, folks! [WARNING: contains strong language; may be vaguely racist]
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:47 AM on February 6, 2002

You want animation with strong language that may be vaguely sexist? Okay.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:09 AM on February 6, 2002

What's wrong with being sexy?
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:26 AM on February 6, 2002

www.imdbk.com
posted by jpoulos at 11:20 AM on February 6, 2002

k: I've been told that it's only wrong the way I do it.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:00 PM on February 6, 2002

The meaning of Life (no pancakes):

The meaning of Life is to give meaning to Life. The deliberate exercise of discovery, interaction, observation and appreciation of the world one occupies is - in itself - an act that lends significance to the actor. Searching for meaning leads to the building of ones monkey mind into a vast crystalline cathedral that houses worlds both familiar and foreign - ones inner architecture defining one as both occupant and architect. Building that structure, framing ones understanding of their world, appreciating the constructs and the effort, all become part of a significant statement - ones definition of Life and what it is to be Human. That deeply personal statement is as close as anyone will ever come to expressing the Meaning of Life.
posted by kokogiak at 2:31 PM on February 6, 2002

Hey look - a Monkey! Funny Monkey.
posted by kokogiak at 2:34 PM on February 6, 2002

Hey, koko (you don't mind if I call you koko, do you?)

Notice at the end of that press blurb about the photo it says SWEDEN OUT.

You think that's how Sweden finishes it's conversations with its homies, Norway and Finland? "I got mad snow, yo. Sweden OUT!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:47 PM on February 6, 2002

Either that - or the writer happened to have A) a cat named Sweden, and B) a tasty Peanut Butter Sandwich at his side, and C) said cat was reaching for a nibble as the writer was dictating this blurb into a voice recognition microphone...
posted by kokogiak at 3:56 PM on February 6, 2002

Maybe he's trying to out Sweden after all these years of living a Scandinavian lie.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:17 PM on February 6, 2002

So, I was enjoying Koko's funny monkey picture and I thought to myself, "Self, take a google-around and see if you can find more pictures of Inger Nilsson (aka "Pippilotta Viktoradria Rullgardina Krysmynta Efraimsdotter Långstrump"). So, I'm poking around and I found this one. Awwww. Cute girlie with a cute monkey.

And I was feeling all warm and smiley and happy.

But, then I found this site, and now I feel all creepy. Does this site give you the willies, too? I mean...there's nothing EXPLICIT going on, but...

I'm getting that..."alone time with your uncle" feeling. Plus, I think that just clicking on that site has registered us all with some kind of federal database.
posted by ColdChef at 4:18 PM on February 6, 2002

Okay, I'm feeling a little better now, because I found this site which (along with a brief biography of Inger) has this wonderful line: The American film industry released a picture about Pippi Longstocking but this movie was made without love and bears no comparison to the unique serial in the 60's.

Seriously, doesn't that sound like something our dear Miguel would write?
posted by ColdChef at 4:24 PM on February 6, 2002

Hey, Hi, uh, Hi fellas... Listen, I'm new around MeFi and, um, like... the guys at 1142 sent me over to ask if we could borrow some beer...

*nervously looks at feet*
posted by evanizer at 8:53 PM on February 6, 2002

Nice chu meet chu. I'm Assmonkey!
posted by eyeballkid at 9:28 PM on February 6, 2002

sent me over to ask if we could borrow some beer...

I just borrowed a case from them!

grumble newbies grumble grumble racksafracksen*

* 'racksafracksen' is Fred Flintstone ** swearing.

**That Barney Rubble. What an actor!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:46 PM on February 6, 2002

*leaving dejectedly*

Dude, I'm hoofin' it back to 1142. That cool guy Neale who runs the place over there told me you would be mean.

*slams door*
posted by evanizer at 11:31 PM on February 6, 2002

Bathe in the cleansing light of Monkey Goodness. But, beware of the monkey that kills.
posted by ColdChef at 8:05 AM on February 7, 2002

Evanizer, they're just playing you over there at 1142. You're just an object to them, an impressionable newbie that they think they can corrupt. You pay them no mind. Over here, in 9622, we'll love you for real. We've got a kind the kind of love that 1142 only dreams about: Monkey Love
posted by jpoulos at 8:28 AM on February 7, 2002

And beer. We've got monkey love and beer.
posted by transient at 9:05 AM on February 7, 2002

Be careful with that evanizer fellow. He acts like he's here for beer but he may just be trolling for fellatio*
*(BTW when we finally get the band together, this will be the name of our first single)
posted by ColdChef at 11:37 AM on February 7, 2002

How about call the band Trolling for Fellation and make the first single: "Getting Your Licks In?" It'll race up the charts. We'll be on Dick Clark's Rocking New Year. The world will love us. Then we'll crash hard in a horrid tale of monkey love and poo tossing that'll be too vile even for VH1's Behind the Music. Years later, a new generation will be interested in the music and we'll get back together and tour, but Cardoso will be in monkey poo rehab and we'll be stuck subbing in evanizer on drums. So it won't be the same. Plus, we're just back together for the money and not the love of all things simiancunnilingual.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:01 PM on February 7, 2002

simiancunnilingual

That'll be the name of our comeback tour.
posted by ColdChef at 1:17 PM on February 7, 2002

That'll be the name of our comeback tour.

Naw, chef. That sounds like the name of the "art" record that will begin our booze-soaked downfall. Our Music From 'The Elder', if you will.
posted by jpoulos at 2:47 PM on February 7, 2002

please tell me you guys don't already have a tambourine player. please tell me i can do it, pretty please, please?
i'm a really good tambourine player. i promise, please?
posted by goneill at 2:55 PM on February 7, 2002

Zither? Zither... party of one? Zither..?
posted by kokogiak at 3:53 PM on February 7, 2002

I'm all about the Glockenspiel. But I dabble in the theramin.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:29 PM on February 7, 2002

Shit - I thought Evanizer was that wonderful spring water spray from Evian and had stuck out my neck to receive a refreshing blast and it turns out it's a guy who's only interested in one thing. It's no wonder he's so popular over at 1142.

That John Denver was gay as well!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:38 PM on February 7, 2002

*brick with note attached crashes through window*

Note reads:

"Dear 9622,

You guys couldn't begin to supply me with the delights I get over at 1142, fellatio monkeys or not.

1142 is a veritable pleasure dome of pleasure.

You all just don't have what it takes.

I know; I've been to Portugal.

Signed, hurled and
posted by evanizer at 6:05 PM on February 7, 2002

Boys...and girl...

I think we all know what we have to do...




REGULATORS!
posted by jpoulos at 6:16 PM on February 7, 2002

1142 is a veritable pleasure dome of pleasure

Is there any other kind?

And, evanizer, I think that you're playing far too rough for a poster who's been to Portugal.

hmm. Maybe it was too esoteric. Nah. Miguel'll get it. Brother's a one-man clique.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:18 PM on February 7, 2002

Kafkaesque, what's that great Rolling Stones song that has the "it's just a shot away" line? I think it's from "Gimme Shelter" but I'm too old to remember.

We are reaching 1250, which in its own little way, is far more important than 1300 for us decimal, European folk, seeing as like it's an-eighth of ten thousand or something.

Our mathematician mattpfeff would back me up on this, if he still cared. But here's a fairly easy tutorial to find out how many more posts must be made before we reach that magic number. ;)

*snigger* ColdChef is doing a great job over at 1142 mocking their little victories, e.g. having just overtaken that olympic 400-comment barrier...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:43 AM on February 8, 2002

It is, in fact, called "Gimme Shelter". My fave Stones tune.
posted by jpoulos at 8:56 AM on February 8, 2002

Got to go with Wild Horses, with an honorable mention for No Expectations. Oh and Heart of Stone.

What a cornucopia of delight!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:04 AM on February 8, 2002

What a cornucopia of delight!

Is there any other kind?

I would agree with Wild Horses. Second choice would be Mother's Little Helper because it makes me giggle.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:40 PM on February 8, 2002

Oooh ooh - I gotta favorite Stones song too...

Shattered!

By far their grooviest.. "Shadoobie, my brain's been battered"

Either that or "Emotional Rescue" (really, no kidding)
posted by kokogiak at 1:06 PM on February 8, 2002

Silly Friday Monkey Cartoon! WARNING!!:I'm at work so I've got the volume turned down on my speakers...but...this looks like something you should maybe break out the headphones for. Oh, and make sure no one (including Death) is looking over your shoulder as you watch.

Man. I hope it's as funny as it looks.
posted by ColdChef at 1:33 PM on February 8, 2002

Another Fun Friday Flash Find (via Penny Arcade). Turn your speakers up loud and ignore the fact that you have no idea wtf it is.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:52 PM on February 8, 2002

Jesus Christ, eyeballkid - that made me snort Pepsi as I gasped. Give some warning to those of us who are faint of heart... (fun little find though).
posted by kokogiak at 2:50 PM on February 8, 2002

Es gibt post nummer Ein Tausend Zwolf Hunnerd und Funfzig, nicht wahr?
posted by kokogiak at 2:53 PM on February 8, 2002

Er velleicht nummer Ein Tausend Zwei Hunnerd und Funfzig, entschuldigung?
posted by kokogiak at 2:54 PM on February 8, 2002

what did you guys do to kokogiak?
he's speaking funny.
posted by goneill at 3:11 PM on February 8, 2002

Non, c'est le mille deux-cent cinquant-trois.

or something.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:11 PM on February 8, 2002

Miguel... we need the input of an "actual" non-english speaker. Can you Portugize "One thousand two hundred fifty"?
posted by kokogiak at 3:22 PM on February 8, 2002

methinks me post scared the english out of kokogiak.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:29 PM on February 8, 2002

Dammit, Chef, we LOVE monkeys in this thread. We do not SPANK them. (Well, figurative maybe, but not literally.)

Poor little guy.
posted by jpoulos at 4:06 PM on February 8, 2002

*Mumbled voice as if someone was screaming in the distance*
He'p me! They got me! Come save me and I promise: no more monkey violence, only monkey love.
posted by ColdChef at 5:15 PM on February 8, 2002

*whew*
eyeballkid and jpoulos = my heroes!
Safe and sound back in cozy simian 9622.
No thanks to you, Miguel!
posted by ColdChef at 6:42 PM on February 8, 2002

hey cold chef - wait up, i'm here too...

do you guys want the rest of this pizza?
it's a little cold, and there is a slice missing...
posted by goneill at 8:54 PM on February 8, 2002

Goneill, that's why them freeper fascists call us Maroons - we pizza monkey lovers!

kokogiac : Care Bear-wise, 1275(mil duzentos e setenta e cinco)is important too!

eyeballkid: that link of yours is superb.

ColdChef: I dreamt of the Salt Lick last night - honest!

My favourite Stones song is "Street Fighting Man". Along with "Sympathy for the Devil", "Gimme Shelter", "Jumpin' Jack Flash" and, à la limite, "Brown Sugar".

What a year or so that was, eh over-the-hillers? ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:10 AM on February 9, 2002

Who are the "Stones"?
posted by dong_resin at 7:46 PM on February 9, 2002

It's a Wagner opera about passing stones. Believe me, once you've had 'em, it's Flight of The Fucking Valkyries every day.

*apologies....too much Stella too early in the day*
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:54 PM on February 9, 2002

I love the smell of calcium oxalate deposits in the morning.
posted by dong_resin at 8:23 PM on February 9, 2002

Picturing Bobby Duvall passing a kidney stone. (It helps to have seen The Apostle.)
posted by Optamystic at 8:48 PM on February 9, 2002

Poor little feller.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:56 PM on February 9, 2002

The horror has come true, and yet we allow it to pass by us.
posted by dong_resin at 9:04 PM on February 9, 2002

On stygian wings come the horrors of the stones!

We squat in torrid concentration:

Bring it!
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:01 PM on February 9, 2002

So, I hear you guys have got the Monkees here. Is that them over there? I've lost my glasses so I'm not sure.
posted by MUD at 2:15 PM on February 10, 2002

Then I saw her face...

Hey MUD, back me up on this if you will - she's quite attractive, yes?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:45 PM on February 10, 2002

Well, she's pretty tasty in a look-at-me-wrong-and-you'll-turn-to-stone kind of way.

*squints*

Looks like she's got split ends though. I can't stand a woman that doesn't respect herself enough to look after her hair properly.
posted by MUD at 6:01 PM on February 10, 2002

Yes, she does remind me of my first and second wives, just after the divorce courts decided to leave me the boxers I was standing in(if not the trousers)in a very 1980's Alberto V5, Vosene, Kwiksave own brand sort of way...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:30 PM on February 10, 2002

Like the mouth, though.
Part of me did just turn to stone.


*too-late rimshot*


Thank you. Try the veal, and be sure to tip your waitperson.
posted by dong_resin at 6:37 PM on February 10, 2002

Like the mouth, though.

Are you tempting jpoulos's Photoshop skills, Dr. Dong?

Part of me did turn to stone.

Do not remind us of your alter ego, Dr. Dong!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:57 PM on February 10, 2002

Nice hair. Did the monkey fix it for you?
posted by ColdChef at 2:32 PM on February 11, 2002

i think the pic on the main page is even more frightening. She used to have a whole album of Christmas Monkey Pics too. Oh ha! Here they are. Especially frightening (although they are all very frightening) are the ones with the monkey dressed as an angel. Yeesh!

Imagine waking up to about ten of these crawling up the bedsheets. *shudder*
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:52 PM on February 11, 2002

It's the dead, black, trolling-for-hairdos eyes, more than the porno diapers, that unsettle me.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:06 PM on February 11, 2002

"What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after?"
posted by ColdChef at 6:49 PM on February 11, 2002 [1 favorite]

ColdChef: Is...it...dead? The monkey I mean, not the thread. Is it...evanizer?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:59 PM on February 11, 2002

I see that i go away for awhile and we're back to talking about porno diapers...

for shame
posted by tj at 7:14 PM on February 11, 2002

hey. let's click on this link that ColdChef put up and.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*eyeballkid runs screaming from the thread*
posted by eyeballkid at 12:24 AM on February 12, 2002

Not to bring an unheard-of level of seriosity to these proceedings, but I think Stavros has a point about keeping this "cult thread" thing to a minimum. Here's what I propose:

9622 for all your monkey needs
11629 for Haiku

And that's it. We may think our little shenannigans are funny, but I can see how others might get annoyed with it.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:02 AM on February 12, 2002

Suddenly, the blinding light of reality shines down the staircase and we are no longer wizards and warriors slaying dragons and collecting gold and XP, but losers in the basement: dateless dorks rolling dice...
posted by ColdChef at 10:05 AM on February 12, 2002

9622 for all your monkey needs
11629 for Haiku

Seconded.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:32 AM on February 12, 2002

You only say that because your fighter/magic-user is only 22nd level!

heheheheheheh! You got killed by a kobold with a +2 dagger! heheheheheh!

Did you guys see my new percentile dice?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:50 AM on February 12, 2002

"A flag is thrown - yes, it looks like there has been a foul called on the play. Waiting now for the officials... it looks like, yes, as I thought - Unnecessary Reference to Dungeons and Dragons. Afraid that'll be an automatic 15 comment penalty and loss of the down on that one. "

"And so many players involved as well, amazing lack of maturity shown here by this young organization. They have so far to go if they're ever going to be title contenders."
posted by kokogiak at 11:19 AM on February 12, 2002

umm football season's over-- must use basketball or hockey penalties.. sheesh!


Anyway, I've come up with something that'll spice up the winter games. Biathalon X, where you have all of the cross-counrty snipers in direct competition and poppin a cap in someone is part of the game.
posted by tj at 11:34 AM on February 12, 2002

umm football season's over-- must use basketball or hockey penalties.. sheesh!


Anyway, I've come up with something that'll spice up the winter games. Biathalon X, where you have all of the cross-counrty snipers in direct competition and poppin a cap in someone is part of the game.
posted by tj at 11:34 AM on February 12, 2002

yeah, I'm a dumbass...
posted by tj at 11:35 AM on February 12, 2002

We will reach 1300!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:38 PM on February 12, 2002

"Let's see... I'll have one order of monkey - extra spicy, with a side of haiku, no ice. One order of pancakes, pony style - with Mandrill sauce. A glass of fishy monkstick and three bowls of egg-drop soup, and a spanking... to go."

"Y'want chocolate fries with that?"

"Nope, healthy food is bad for me."

"That'll be $96.22, please pull forward... (vroom)... Hi, thanks for visiting Mefi Cafe, may I take you order?"
posted by kokogiak at 1:15 PM on February 12, 2002

"I SAID A LARGE ORANGE DRINK!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:27 PM on February 12, 2002

Did you say an orange mink, sir?
posted by eyeballkid at 3:34 PM on February 12, 2002

A little ditty inspired by ColdChef's recent post:
*sound of guitar tuning, cheap yamaha acoustic*
Capo Second Fret

         Em     G                C        G
Well now, everymonkey dies, baby, that's a fact

          Em           G           D         Em
But maybe every monkey that dies someday climbs back

                G            C       G
Put your monkey makeup on, fix your monkey hair up pretty

    Em       G           C       G
And meet me tonight in Nine-Six-Two-Two

Sorry, it's the Chimay talking typing....
posted by eyeballkid at 5:12 PM on February 12, 2002

Proposed Amendment:

9622, All your monkey needs plus springsteen parodies.

Also, I got real sick of the chatroom thing real quick. I propose a ban, or at least a temporary moratorium, on "action asterisks".

* ducks *
posted by jpoulos at 7:07 PM on February 12, 2002

Hey little girl
Is your monkey home?
Did you go and
Leave him all alone?

a woah-woah
I got a bad desire

woah-woah-woah
I'm on fire

in other news:
I agree with the chatroom thing. It made me feel all dirty. Unlike discussing the benefits of rubbing one's self with a bunch o' marmosets, which makes me feel fresh and clean as a summer's day.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:17 PM on February 12, 2002

*throws trout at jpoulos*
posted by eyeballkid at 8:34 PM on February 12, 2002

* THANKS EYEBALLKID FOR DINNER *
posted by jpoulos at 8:54 PM on February 12, 2002

Why doesn't Monkey rhyme with Donkey?

"Data (was) collected by Professor Twink Allen (who pioneered the donkey implantation technique used at Monash), of the Equine Fertility Unit, UK."
posted by kokogiak at 11:17 PM on February 12, 2002

* Allows someone else to have post number 1300 *
posted by kokogiak at 11:21 PM on February 12, 2002

1300 baby. woo hooo. fuck yeah......
*slinks back in corner, waiting for jpoulos to say something about continued chat room stylee*
posted by eyeballkid at 11:37 PM on February 12, 2002

Mink pens in the late 1930s

This caption from a photograph in eyeballkid's link got my hopes up, in terms of where this thread might be heading during the challenging thirteen-hundreds ahead. But then I realized I'd misread.

Not that my mind is yet entirely clear of vixens, furry little foxes and hot chinchilla muffs of a cold February morning...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:08 AM on February 13, 2002

Well, I never.

Spend all afternoon in the kitchen making you ungrateful brats truffles and marzipan hearts, and this is how you repay me?

GET OFF MY LAWN!

(insert shaking of fist here)
posted by ebarker at 2:48 PM on February 13, 2002

Happy Valentine's Day, you beautiful bastards!
posted by ColdChef at 10:41 AM on February 14, 2002

And a happy VD to you as well!

Now, you see there, Clones aren't scary. Clones are cuddly and cute. No need to fear them, no need at all. Keep this in mind the next time you hear about Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones.
posted by kokogiak at 11:18 AM on February 14, 2002

Poetic Surrealism from China's Fujian Daily, via Babelfish:

Thursday on February 14th 16:25

The Early Spring Plunders the Shade

The first Spring Festival cross how does the new soldier after the army? In the banyan tree some anti-aircraft artillery group new barracks in the colored flag flap flap, the lantern high hangs, the soldiers lunar New Year's Day held the performance. The chart honors finely for recruit Shen entrains platoon leader goes on stage the performance " double Long Xi Zhu ". Wang Fei Long absorbs

The early spring festival, the literary and art worker steps onto the street corner in abundance, demonstrates one's artistic skills for the masses. Chart for acrobatic troupe actor in Fuzhou park performance splendid program. Newspaper reporter wishes the sensitive pine absorbs
posted by kokogiak at 1:54 PM on February 14, 2002

You know, I've often been told that I have a "double Long Xi Zhu".
posted by ColdChef at 2:10 PM on February 14, 2002

Happy Valentine's Day, you beautiful bastards!

Now, the bonobo monkeys, they know. Cue: "It's A Family Affaor". They celebrate it every day. Can't place them, my friends? Try this primate quiz. It all seems very easy until you get to freakin' question 9...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:57 PM on February 14, 2002

Monkey Lovers.

Oh baby
After the Monkey Lovin
I'm gonna give you
Some more Monkey Lovin.
And then maybe we'll have sandwiches.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:09 PM on February 14, 2002

Not all monkeys are funny. Some monkeys are dangerous. Be careful.
posted by ColdChef at 1:01 PM on February 15, 2002

I usually don't do this. In fact, I never do. It was just so poignant, though. As I read it, tears came to my eyes. I felt like I wasn't alone. A friend emailed me this touching affirmational list today:

Subject: 30 Attainable Affirmations
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

17. I am at one with my duality.

18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

21. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

22. False hope is better than no hope at all.

23. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

24. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.... I'll find someone.

25. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

26. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

27. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

28. To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

29. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

30. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

I don't know the source, but I believe that these 30 simple statements could be the foundation for a great religion, one that I would serve as god for.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:19 PM on February 15, 2002

"Chicken Soup for the Eye"
posted by ColdChef at 2:17 PM on February 15, 2002

"That's like hypnotizin' chickens!"
posted by tj at 2:42 PM on February 15, 2002

Your witty aphorisms have become tiresome!

NOW IS THE TIME WE DANCE!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:16 PM on February 15, 2002

So, boldly I searched for some dancing monkeys for us to enjoy. Here's what I found:

1. Well, this sucks. No monkeys to be found.

2. Plenty of monkeys. No dancing.

3. Fucking liar. No luck here.

4. Blah, blah, blah. This is getting aggravating.

5. AAAAAIIIIGH! I don't know what this is, but it ain't no monkey.

6. Not bad, but oddly hairless.

7. Turd Burglars! This is blatant false advertising.

8. Closer but still not great.

9. Contrary to the caption, these children are NOT amused.

10. What the hell is that doing here?

11. You call THAT dancing?

12. I'm about to start crying.

13. That's it! I give up. I can't find ANY dancing monkeys of quality.
posted by ColdChef at 8:21 PM on February 15, 2002

Is there a prize for holding the last post on 1142, 9622,and
11629 all at the same time? Or does that just mean I should have given up MetaFilter for Lent instead of TV?
posted by ColdChef at 9:59 AM on February 16, 2002

But you don't.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:11 PM on February 16, 2002

I'm tired of Love: I'm still more tired of Rhyme,
But Monkeys give me pleasure all the time.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:15 PM on February 16, 2002

Hey they stole that monkey gif from monkeyzone! Big-haired monkey-mama's going to have something to say about that, no doubt!

Commence poo-flinging!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:17 PM on February 16, 2002

Poo flung, a given
Thing.

The handlers
Agree. Stefanie Powers
Genuflects.

Till shit flies
Unbidden, a smelliness
Abhorred, ensuing aromas.

Food poo enjoys its soft drinks of piss
And dies, animal-like
And wan, akin to

The Cinema
And possum vomit.

Such glee.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:51 PM on February 17, 2002

Almost ominous; fruit unleashed; as always done.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:57 PM on February 17, 2002

*full-blown cicada whirr*

Please don't be frightened. I'll never, never do that again.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:52 PM on February 19, 2002

So, uh, should I give in to my baser hominid urges and be really afraid of of the loud banging outside, or should I allow my learned social behavior to override and stifle my urge to run screaming from the building?
posted by kokogiak at 2:00 PM on February 19, 2002

I don't mean to change the subject, I say that, of course, knowing that there is not subject unless you count monkeys and that's not so much of a subject as a theme and even then it is so pervasive that one sees the word monkey in nearly every comment subconciously even thought the word may not make an appearence in the particular thread, picture, post or free verse that the reader is currently processing, but I'm becoming more and more frightened of Monkeys every day, so much so that I don't know if I belong there or some other place where there is less bitching about Monkeys and more poo/monkey love.

(oh, and if you're not chopped up into itty bitty little chunks yet there kokogiak.... RUN!)
posted by eyeballkid at 5:57 PM on February 19, 2002

what?

To bring things back full circle: monkeys are funny.

Instant comedy: Just add monkeys (or higher primates, such as chimps or possibly orangutangs, preferably wearing a diaper)
posted by tj at 1:28 AM on February 20, 2002

oh, I forgot to give mad props to ColdChef for the tjmonkeys link.

and I thought nobody cared!
posted by tj at 1:31 AM on February 20, 2002

Coming soon: The Monkey World Tour....
posted by eyeballkid at 7:38 AM on February 20, 2002

So - let me get this right tj, according to the theory you posit, you can take something dreadfully dull, like say a Wednesday morning meeting with people from the finance group, and simply "add monkeys" (I'm picturing men in lab coats dumping monkeys into the room from small barrels) - and suddenly there's hilarity? Hmmm. I shall endeavor to formulate a proof for your theory, as I have a number of meetings upcoming.
posted by kokogiak at 10:01 AM on February 20, 2002

It's even funnier if there's square-dance music playing. Or if the monkeys have straightrazors.

For my money, you can't beat monkeys in dresses with straightrazors doing the Virginia Reel as they slash at each other's eyes and extremities in a nightmare symphony of terror.

Now that's comedy.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:24 AM on February 20, 2002

Tie? = Not funny
Monkey+tie? = Funny

More experiments to follow.
posted by ColdChef at 11:38 AM on February 20, 2002

Smoking? = Not funny
Monkey+smoking? = Funny
posted by ColdChef at 1:24 PM on February 20, 2002

Little girls? = Not funny
Monkey+little girls? = Funny
posted by ColdChef at 1:33 PM on February 20, 2002

Young girl reenacts Fredo betrayal scene from Godfather II. The part of Fredo was played with gusto by sultry ingenue Bobo the Chimp.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:57 PM on February 20, 2002

Ladies and gentlemen, i think our theorem is proved.

Let's not forget the holy grail: A monkey wearing a train engineer's hat and spats smoking a cigar...(at the moment unable to produce image, because it may cause the end of the world, or at least melt nazi's faces)
posted by tj at 11:50 PM on February 20, 2002

also Le Fin Du Mont... a fine malt beverage from canda that I discoverd tonight, and hightly recommend to everyone in this thread) just translante the name from the french and you'll understand. 9% alcohol is a good thing
posted by tj at 11:52 PM on February 20, 2002

Le Fin Du Mont...

maintenant avec un pumpe de stomach.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:40 AM on February 21, 2002

Homer: "They'll never know the joys of a monkey knife fight."

see also.
posted by jpoulos at 10:41 AM on February 21, 2002

Monkey
posted by eyeballkid at 4:40 PM on February 21, 2002

Monkey touring Paris.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:42 PM on February 21, 2002

Hey, here's Ed Weaver venting on the banishment of jokes over at MeTa!*
*I think. It might be orioles."
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:05 PM on February 23, 2002

Ger foir mancqe de respine.

Hulbe margess beft an wertre? Meleph nab et.
posted by kokogiak at 2:33 PM on February 25, 2002

ah kokgiak, you and your funky moonman language! you scamp!
posted by tj at 7:23 PM on February 25, 2002

Monkey
posted by ColdChef at 8:16 PM on February 25, 2002

Meatloaf again, Mom? I want something different!
posted by ColdChef at 8:21 AM on February 26, 2002

posted by tj at 1:10 PM on February 26, 2002

Monkeys don't like to be for dinner
posted by tj at 10:44 AM on February 27, 2002

they make a much better brunch.
posted by jpoulos at 11:50 AM on February 27, 2002

Just for the helluvit, here's a copy of the email I just sent to the Accounting firm of Deloitte & Touche, per request of my sister, who thought it would be funny:

Please forgive me for wasting your time, but i'll be brief. My question is really of a personal nature for whomever reads this email.

If you have a bad day at work, and you're aggravated with Deloitte and Touche, and you're telling your partner or spouse about how pissed off you are, do you refer to the company as "Toilet and Douche"? Because I would.

Sincerely,
John Poulos

posted by jpoulos at 2:07 PM on February 27, 2002

Dude. The Deloitte & Touche cops are so on their way over to your house right now.

Phone cops?! [name the obscure reference.]
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:42 PM on February 27, 2002

WKRP

(who's the man?)
posted by tj at 4:15 PM on February 27, 2002

Hehehe...jpoulos...I work across the street from D&T in Downtown L.A...Everytime I look out the window and see that big sign, that's exactly how I read it to myself. Easily amused? You make the call.
posted by Optamystic at 4:32 PM on February 27, 2002

Oh, and yes, i'm a grown man sending crank emails to Fortune 500 companies. Still, I half-expect to hear back from the poor intern who screens the mail: "Dude, TOTALLY!"
posted by jpoulos at 6:12 PM on February 27, 2002

from-the-jpoulos-company-names-made-funnier-dept:

Fart and Smile

(or at least that's what the people I know have been calling it for years)
posted by eyeballkid at 1:29 PM on February 28, 2002

Hey eyeballkid, welcome to our little den of thieves! ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:44 PM on February 28, 2002

I'm eating dinner with someone from Deloitte and Touche tonight - I'll ask and report back.
posted by goneill at 1:56 PM on February 28, 2002

are we thieves now? i thought it was all about the monkey lovin'.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:17 PM on February 28, 2002

Put a sock in it, eyeball! I want a monkey call on my birthday.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:15 PM on February 28, 2002

Monkeyphonecall.com offers realistic Monkey Phone Calls for people in the United States and Canada!

Oooh, struck out on that one Miguel. Maybe you get me one. I tape it and then send it to you? I could include a pack o' trusty beer nuts.

*goes and puts a sock on it, comes back, rereads cardoso's post... "oh, in it,"... looks at sock, looks at "it"... huh?!?*
posted by eyeballkid at 7:21 PM on February 28, 2002

Just wanted to let you all know that I saw Iron Monkey last night. Many silly kung fu kicks were kicked. Cute little monkey drawings were left as warnings. Ass, indeed, was kicked. There was even *hushed reverent tone* a monkey walking on his monkey hands. Sadly, there was a comment about eating monkey brains, but I choose to overlook that in the interest of the greater good.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:50 PM on February 28, 2002

Eyeballkid: Not content to mock my geographical outsider status(how would you like it if an Eskimo in Alaska could get a monkey phone call but not you?)and stress my essential monkiness by offering to send me beer nuts(which you well know are narrowly available in Portugal), you still go on to correct my clever use of the expression "put a sock in it". Well, it's a Lancashire expression meaning "shut up"(; the "it" in question being "gob", which is Olde Englishe for "mouth". And not what I think you think "it" is. So there!

*sigh* I might as well change my handle to foodparcelkid for all the patronizing charity I find here...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:42 PM on February 28, 2002

Thieves - the lot of you. Of course, I might confess to wholesale thievery of my own in the past here, but this ain't the proper thread now is it? Plus nobody can prove a thing.

And Miguel - not to belabor the miscommunicado happenin' here, but WTF is a "Lancashire expression"?
posted by kokogiak at 10:59 PM on February 28, 2002

It means fart.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:48 AM on March 1, 2002

Wish me luck, primates. I'm off to Utah for four days!

Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow...



well, you know.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:49 AM on March 1, 2002

...and that was the last we ever heard from our friend, Kafkaesque.

Enjoy your many, many wives, my friend. And be careful on that bicycle.
posted by ColdChef at 5:52 AM on March 1, 2002

psst...while Kafkaesque is gone, let's move this thread to 9621!
posted by jpoulos at 6:46 AM on March 1, 2002

But quietly, with the odd comment here to make him think it's still going. Goneill?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:01 AM on March 1, 2002

<loudly> Um, yeah! Man, do I love hanging out in 9622! Whoo hoo! It is the place for me. Yeah! I think I'll just stick around here for a while. Yessirreee!</loudly>
posted by jpoulos at 10:37 AM on March 1, 2002

ha ha ha toilet and douche, that was really funny. (and true - they do call it that. i have sources)
posted by goneill at 12:31 PM on March 1, 2002

I just received word from my contact at deloitte and touche. Let's call her Ms. X. She maintains that clients call them toilette and douche more than employees do. So there you have it.
posted by goneill at 4:32 PM on March 1, 2002

Wow, goneill, thanks for that!

nudge nudge, wink wink
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:37 PM on March 1, 2002

Ha! I knew it. Thanks, g.
posted by jpoulos at 8:56 AM on March 2, 2002

I don't see what is so funny about all these monkeys. Now THIS is funny!
posted by Meta Filter Server at 1:50 PM on March 2, 2002

Hey Meta Filter Server - next time warn us it's not safe for work, OK? Jeez!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:48 PM on March 2, 2002

Here, from American Prospect no less, is Kafka on monkey doo; to increase the pain while he's away.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:36 PM on March 2, 2002

i assume that you've all seen this (second graph) bit of bad news? (which, of course, is actually good news as it will lighten the server load.)

but what is the vigilant cult threadist to do? reserve your future cult threads while you still can!

(why else would matt have made an announcement about his intention to close 'em up?)
posted by mlang at 11:22 AM on March 4, 2002

I thought that was bad news, too, but then machaus's comment suggests that we'll be ok--that a thread is only "dead" if no one has commented in it for over a month.
posted by jpoulos at 11:38 AM on March 4, 2002

I'd better get one last post in here before the whole shebang is closed down foreve-...
posted by kokogiak at 2:18 PM on March 4, 2002

Hey, it's still here!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:09 PM on March 4, 2002

I think the threat of eradication makes every comment all the more precious, adding that Butch and Sundance, Ballad of Cable Hogue old gunfighter facing inevitable death kind of flavor.

With monkeys of course.

Hey! One of 'em bit me!
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:32 PM on March 4, 2002

Now I feel bad that I fucked up Neale's little project on "the other thread". If Matt does close down the old threads, 1142 might have actually stayed forever at 1500.
posted by jpoulos at 4:48 PM on March 4, 2002

Now I feel bad that I fucked up Neale's little project on "the other thread". If Matt does close down the old threads, 1142 might have actually stayed forever at 1500.
posted by jpoulos at 4:48 PM on March 4, 2002

Apparently, I feel doubly bad...
posted by jpoulos at 4:49 PM on March 4, 2002

Intermission time, everyone!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:37 PM on March 5, 2002

I love you all...And I love this monkey.
posted by ColdChef at 8:25 PM on March 5, 2002

Group Hug.

But, um leave ColdChef's damned horny Monkey out of it - mmkay?
posted by kokogiak at 10:00 PM on March 5, 2002

k - if you haven't played state of emergency, a word of advice: don't.
posted by eyeballkid at 8:17 AM on March 6, 2002

this thread mine, mine I tell you, ALL MINE.... mwah hahahahahaa *cough* ha ha ha *horff!* ha ha *thud*
posted by tj at 4:21 PM on March 6, 2002

twisted sister references and man of the people posturing followed by reference to alcohol consumption
posted by jonmc at 5:29 PM on March 6, 2002

BTW, have you heard about my playlist, a polka version of "Surrender" along with Eddie and the Butt Monkey's "Never Leave Your Buddy's Behind"and Ethel Merman singing "Eye of the Tiger" in pig latin, diversity is great dontcha think, guys?
posted by jonmc at 5:34 PM on March 6, 2002

...and no discussion of monkeys is complete without this
posted by jonmc at 5:58 PM on March 6, 2002

BY GOD PEOPLE! YOU'RE DESTROYING AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!

*pound chest*

I am the savior of this land! Don't pee on the grass!


posted by JakeEXTREME at 6:36 PM on March 7, 2002

Run! Jake's back!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:55 PM on March 7, 2002

Don't worry miguel, he's had his shots. BTW, you check ou the new profile page, the pic sums me up in just a few pixels.
posted by jonmc at 8:38 PM on March 7, 2002

Don't let evanizer get word of this, jonmc!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:00 PM on March 7, 2002

Are You kidding, I'd love to see a pic of evanizer bleary eyed drunk sippin a budweiser in a plaid flannel shirt...
posted by jonmc at 9:40 PM on March 7, 2002

cripes almighty!

i hadn't checked this foolish thread in ages, so i decided to see how my little monster was growing up.

you people all need something better to do, the lot of ya.
posted by will at 8:32 PM on March 10, 2002

Wow! The Original Mister Posterman Himself checked in to wish us all well on our inexorable march towards 1400.

1396 and counting, yessir! Almost there! In the immortal words of the OMP, "I'll leave that to everyone else".
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:09 PM on March 10, 2002

1397: where's stavros?
posted by tj at 10:06 AM on March 11, 2002

1398: My god, it's full of stars
posted by tj at 10:08 AM on March 11, 2002

1399: umm, yeah, I don't know
posted by tj at 10:14 AM on March 11, 2002

1400: Let's party
posted by tj at 10:18 AM on March 11, 2002

Inch by inch, the little 9622 worm climbs up the MeFi ladder and goes "Wheeee!"

[not a scratch on jpoulos's original Wheee post but OK for 1400]
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:20 AM on March 11, 2002

You know how it can be when you're driving to work, or worse to somewhere like the airport for a long flight, and the last song you hear played on the radio just resonates in your head for hours afterwards? And, further, how much it sucks when the song isn't a good one?

Well, I often wonder if that might happen in death - imagining a horrible car crash where the last song you heard stays with you throughout eternity. I switch the channel often when a bad song comes on... just in case, you know.

[swiped from my own blog, but I don't think I'd mind]
posted by kokogiak at 12:50 PM on March 11, 2002

Man, MetaFilter's a hostile place when Matt's not around. You know what we need here? Some better security.
posted by ColdChef at 1:02 PM on March 11, 2002

Anyone ever read Virtual Light by William Gibson? Or is that a stupid question to ask on MetaFilter? The back threads on this site are becoming like the city built on the Bay Bridge in Gibson's later books. Much like that city on the bridge, where the homeless took over the stretch from SF to Treasure Island to Oakland and began to build homes out of used metal planks and cast off wood, cardboard and plastic, mazes of ladders stretch through the complexes, posters have taken over back corners and alleyways (there was a boat that was much like that in a book I read more recently? Noir by Jeter, perhaps? I don't know. I don't remember.) I know I had a point. Oh yeah, that's right. It seems that the more we spread out across the site, the more we take our little day trips out of the rich blue soil of the 9622, those short jaunts that become vacations and then become permanent places of residence as we collect phrases and punctuation discarded across the landscape and construct houses to become, eventually, homes, the less we find the need to return here. Maybe it's poetic irony, that as we leave the land that so nurtured us and gave us stability, the place that taught us to be the creatures we are, that we will begin to lose some piece of ourselves. The very thing that created our current incarnations. Once we lose that thing that makes us all whole, that.... essence; as we lose grip of language and sanitary waste disposal processes, As we forget not to scratch in public and neglect to shave the areas that need to be shaved. As we begin to pick and eat the lice out of a fellow cube-dweller's nappy hair. We will become that thing that we most fear. We will become the monkeys. And I'm still deciding who gets to be the target of my first poo throw.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:42 PM on March 11, 2002

That's all very interesting, eyeballkid. Oh, and here's a monkey scrotum.
posted by ColdChef at 2:03 PM on March 11, 2002

That isn't a scrotum, ColdChef - they're just inflamed labia majori, as the clitoris in the middle suggests.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:28 PM on March 11, 2002

Monkey as seen in a Kubrick movie - just before he goes postal.
posted by kokogiak at 3:35 PM on March 11, 2002

That explains ColdChef's luck with the ladies.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:32 PM on March 11, 2002

It seems that the more we spread out across the site, the more we take our little day trips out of the rich blue soil of the 9622, those short jaunts that become vacations and then become permanent places of residence as we collect phrases and punctuation discarded across the landscape and construct houses to become, eventually, homes, the less we find the need to return here

We must address this issue, guys. Beer nuts or not, I'm with eyeballkid. We should all move back here before it's too late and *enters Ginsburg/Howl mode* the best minds of our generation and all that...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:49 PM on March 11, 2002

spooky. i was listening to a ginsberg/tom waits version of "America" as i was writing that.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:09 PM on March 11, 2002

See? The telepathy of tasty beer nut to common Iberian peanut strikes again!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:29 AM on March 12, 2002

It was a long strange trip away. The madness of the other numbers, etc. Back.

Other ladies, Chef?
posted by goneill at 7:03 AM on March 12, 2002

No, I was never at ease over there either, goneill. [*in a false Mafia pentito style*]
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:28 AM on March 12, 2002

That isn't a scrotum, ColdChef - they're just inflamed labia majori, as the clitoris in the middle suggests.

*squatting naked over his mirror*

Hmmmmm....
posted by ColdChef at 8:58 AM on March 12, 2002

the problem with a mental picture is that you can't gouge your eyes out to be rid of it. Thanks ColdChef
posted by tj at 1:15 PM on March 12, 2002

tj - you'll just have to gouge out your third eye. (somewhere between V1 and V4 I believe)
posted by kokogiak at 2:31 PM on March 12, 2002

I was going to write something about being parallel to chef as in squatting ... But I really can't do it - I'm to embarassed to write it.
posted by goneill at 2:44 PM on March 12, 2002

*shudder*
posted by eyeballkid at 3:06 PM on March 12, 2002

I do believe I've been poked in my 6th chakra
posted by tj at 9:53 PM on March 12, 2002

Anyone ever read Virtual Light by William Gibson? Or is that a stupid question to ask on MetaFilter?

I've never read anything by Gibson or Douglas Adams. Does that mean I'm out of the gang?
posted by jpoulos at 6:19 AM on March 13, 2002

Oh no! Neither have I. I think these youngsters are actually attracted to older guys who haven't the faintest notion of what they're talking about. Of course they could argue that Adams isn't only old but actually dead. To which we would charmingly answer "We're sorry to hear that - we hadn't even realized he was born. And thanks for all the fish."

They deal with it as we deal with them. Marriages made ib heaven are like that...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:33 AM on March 13, 2002

I stand by ib heaven, of course.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:34 AM on March 13, 2002

I don't even own any books. How cool is that? As a matter of fact, I can't even read. I'm thinking about gouging out my eyes for the revolution and sealing up my ears so no-one can read me anything at all.

I will become a floating brain in a jar, arguing to myself about the ontological proof for the existence of god. I will lobotomize myself to be the ultimate clean slate. In ignorance shall I become the true Buddha.

I will stand in the rain screaming without vocal chords. And I will feel so alive and virile you could power cities off me.

Um. Could someone talk me down here?
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:03 AM on March 13, 2002

Of course they could argue that Adams isn't only old but actually dead.

Which reminds me of a line from Catch-22.

[paraphrasing...]

"He wasn't old."

"He's dead. You can't get much older than that."
posted by eyeballkid at 9:10 AM on March 13, 2002

Six martinis later...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:55 PM on March 13, 2002

...during the Stanley Cup.
posted by jonmc at 8:18 PM on March 13, 2002

And never forgetting the right to party and that funky monkey brass monkey junkie!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:40 PM on March 14, 2002

Hey Hey! We're the Monkees!!!!
posted by JakeEXTREME at 10:25 AM on March 15, 2002

Y'all know the nature of Monkey is irrepressible, don't you?
posted by MUD at 6:49 AM on March 16, 2002

Oh yes. Here's the missing link, then.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:25 PM on March 17, 2002

Urp...
posted by transient at 8:10 PM on March 17, 2002

I would say that Miguel's obvious reference deserves a link to grand royale, but it seems they've gone tits up.
posted by tj at 11:35 PM on March 17, 2002

and,for the record, it is:
"Brass Monkey, Junkie
That Funky Monkey"

I do believe that that's two, count 'em, TWO (first one here) Beastie Boys quotes I've had in this thread
posted by tj at 12:24 AM on March 18, 2002

an alpha version of the FAQ
posted by tj at 12:43 AM on March 18, 2002

Just one more reason to love Dan "The Automator" Nakamura.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:20 PM on March 18, 2002

FWIW, you can actually buy Brass Monkey cocktails in a bottle at some liquor stores. I bought ine myself a few years back. I googled for a pic of the bottle and came up empty....ah, well,

You got the bottle, I got the cup,

C'mon everybody let's get.....
posted by jonmc at 9:04 PM on March 18, 2002

Dad?


Dad?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:34 PM on March 20, 2002

Son?
posted by jonmc at 6:43 PM on March 20, 2002

Well, it's "Mom" since I went under the knife.
posted by eyeballkid at 7:48 PM on March 20, 2002

Six inches forward
Five inches back
I got a
I got an angry inch
posted by jpoulos at 7:51 PM on March 20, 2002

jpoulos: best. musical. ever.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:34 AM on March 21, 2002

I'd like to take this opportunity to ask that everyone who reads this please go out and rent "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" as it is (as EBK pointed out) the best musical ever. At the very least, it's the best musical about an East German, cross-dressing punk rocker with mutilated genitals. Most people compare it to Rock Horror, because of the cross-dressing, but I liken it more to the Who's "Tommy". Instead of being deaf, dumb and blind, however, our protagonist has had his willie chopped off in a botched sex-change operation.

Please see it. Now. Thank you.

The preceding message was provided by the Committee to Get More People to See Hedwig and the Angry Inch
posted by jpoulos at 9:05 AM on March 21, 2002

Hello 9622. It's been awhile, I know. What can I say, other things come up, different priorities. I know, I made promises... and well, I'm a fuckup sometimes. Yes, I know I owe you some monkeys, and an additional obscure chunk of verbiage. Why is it the more I say 'sorry', the less impact it has? I promise to be better, look forward to beating 1142's record as a team, and leave you this token of affection. Please don't stay mad.
posted by kokogiak at 10:41 AM on March 21, 2002

Is that the 9622 Yearbook?
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:56 AM on March 21, 2002

We are so going to top 1142.
posted by jpoulos at 12:22 PM on March 21, 2002

We just have to want it.

Come on, my primate brethren! Hop on the mandrill bus and shake your swollen buttocks like there's no tomorrow!

Hoo doggies!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:10 PM on March 21, 2002

Ingrates!
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:41 PM on March 21, 2002

I'm hopping, I'm hopping....Jeesh!
posted by jpoulos at 6:12 PM on March 21, 2002

We are so going to top 1142

Well, I set my monkey on the log
And ordered him to do the Dog
He wagged his tail and shook his head
And he went and did the Cat instead
He's a weird monkey, very funky.

B.D.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:22 PM on March 21, 2002

I'm a flea-bit peanut monkey
All my friends are junkies
That's not really true
I'm a cold Italian pizza
I could use a lemon squeezer
How'd you do?

do I get to stay now?
posted by yhbc at 6:36 PM on March 21, 2002

Miguel: Sir, could you please tune that hippie crap down? I'm trying to read here.
posted by ColdChef at 6:39 PM on March 21, 2002

do I get to stay now?

1452: OK yhbc, but you must start as a peasant, as we all did. But for two good monkey links, you can be the first to say "we'll never reach 1500". No, wait - America had been discovered by then. 1492 it is, then.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:51 PM on March 21, 2002

In fourteen hundred and ninety two Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

Okay, folks. Listen up. You people want to make monkeys out of yourselves, that's just fine with me.

All I'm saying is: I get to be the Cowboy!
posted by ColdChef at 7:25 PM on March 21, 2002

yippeee! i'm a peasant! i'm a peasant! i'm so happy -




hey...




monkey links?








um ... certainly, sire! Comin' right up! Ummm ... lessee ... would you like ....




(jeez , this is hard, bein' a peasant!)


monkey boy?


-or-





ummm, just a second, your portugees... portugessness... your highness.......





monkey man?

Oh, and Hi, ColdChef, didn't see you in there! (you cowboy, you!)
posted by yhbc at 7:30 PM on March 21, 2002

Oh no, this won't do; no; won't do at all; I'm afraid. I'll have to report you. It's MetaTalk for you, my lad!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:53 PM on March 21, 2002

[shivering, chattering of teeth]
Oh, no Sir! Not MetaTalk!
*involuntary twitch*
Anything but that, Sir!

[/shivering, chattering][obsequiousness, fawning]
I'll ... I'll be good, Sir! May I bring you anything, Sir?

Some nice fresh fruit, perhaps?

No? Perhaps m'lord would care for a refreshing drink, or perhaps a cigar?

[/obsequiousness, fawning]

Nothing?



Oh well, it's useless. I'll never fit in here.




*sniff*


God knows I tried.

But whatever happens ...




we'll





never






reach














1500 1492
posted by yhbc at 8:12 PM on March 21, 2002

Whew! That was close... But these links were good, yhbc. You are most welcome. Please feel free to treat me like shit from now on. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:30 PM on March 21, 2002

At the mention of shit *starts flinging poo*

Thank you Miguel. Both for your graciousness and for giving me the opportunity to reprise my very favorite line of the whole damn 9622 thingie.
posted by yhbc at 8:38 PM on March 21, 2002

posted by jpoulos at 9:15 PM on March 21, 2002

*starts dancing*
posted by yhbc at 9:29 PM on March 21, 2002

you can stop now.

...bastard.
posted by kokogiak at 9:52 PM on March 21, 2002

heh.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:59 PM on March 21, 2002

*stops dancing*

*pants*

*again*

*flings poo at kokogiak*
posted by yhbc at 10:02 PM on March 21, 2002

was that

*pants*

like a tired monkey or

*pants*

like the leg/crotch coverings?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:55 PM on March 21, 2002

well gee, it kind of works both ways now, don't it?
posted by yhbc at 7:03 AM on March 22, 2002

Welcome, yhbc. We're glad to have you among us. One thing, though. We have this thing about "action asterisks". They once took us to a horrible, horrible place.
posted by jpoulos at 8:08 AM on March 22, 2002

*remembers sordid asterisk affair*

*gets sordid asterisk affair confused with crazy Gaul orgy with Obelix and Asterix*

*cries*
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:06 AM on March 22, 2002

"we" have a thing about action asterisks?

*ducks*

anyway, we are so going to top 1142!
posted by yhbc at 9:25 AM on March 22, 2002

I like pants. I like ducks too. But ducks in pants... well, no. At least not in my pants.
posted by kokogiak at 10:09 AM on March 22, 2002

kokogiak, you haven't lived...
posted by jpoulos at 10:45 AM on March 22, 2002

Hockey Monkey meets Pancake Bunny...together they shall rule the world.
posted by jonmc at 12:39 PM on March 22, 2002

someone should animate the monkey slapshotting pancakes into meffis mouth...that would rock.
posted by jonmc at 12:41 PM on March 22, 2002

ducks in pants?
posted by yhbc at 9:16 PM on March 22, 2002

[disclaimer]
all non anatomically-correct images are (c) the Walt Disney Company
[/disclaimer]
posted by yhbc at 9:20 PM on March 22, 2002

Geezum Crow, pretty soon you'll need one of these to render this thread.
posted by machaus at 9:35 AM on March 23, 2002

Ask Mr. Monkey Pants
John Holmes duck
Naked Gorilla? *not safe for work*
posted by peterbaer at 12:57 AM on March 24, 2002

hello?

Tommy can you hear me?
posted by tj at 11:38 PM on March 25, 2002

Hi, I'm drunk on a monday-- god I love being my own boss...

neener neener
posted by tj at 11:45 PM on March 25, 2002

Tommy is very old now. His pinball gig didn't actually amount to much of a career. Last I saw he was working in a Costco somewhere in Northern California as a greeter/receipt checker.
posted by kokogiak at 11:51 PM on March 25, 2002

As pinball dies, so dies Tommy,
the messiah with frizzy locks.
The Acid Queen couldn't help him,
nor Elton with his giant Docs.

When we remember his grace
We think of one purely devout
Forgetting his cloudy history
Spending time fiddling about.

Oliver Reed tried and tried
to get the poor boy pissed
Even that portly lush, though,
couldn't unsupple his wrist.

And I think he was scarred
by greasy breakfast means:
the goddess Ann Margret
rolling nicely in beans.

In the final analysis
What can I do but offer a
thought that Quadrophoenia
is the better Rock Opera.

(It's too early in the morning for meter)
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:47 AM on March 26, 2002

That image of Ann-Margret rolling in beans made me the man I am today...
posted by jpoulos at 10:26 AM on March 26, 2002

I'm thinking of starting a thread in MeTa. I'm having trouble loading this thread in my new browser.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:13 PM on March 26, 2002

You sound like the people I work with, ebk. The ones who bitch at me that my web pages don't look good in Lynx. Except you're a cool guy and they're dinkwads.

Are you really surfing with your C64? That rocks, dude.
posted by jpoulos at 1:32 PM on March 26, 2002

(9622 in Lynx)

posted by kokogiak at 1:55 PM on March 26, 2002 [1 favorite]

Alas, I have not had my hands on anything Commodore since my girlfriend, now wife, got rid of her Amiga circa 1993. But I do miss my first home computer (bought here.) My favorite game is not listed in that link. It was a little number called Blue Meanies from Outer Space (which can be purchased here). I never owned Blue Meanies myself, as I didn't have an external storage device. Essentially, the only thing I could do on the VIC20 was type in the 1000 line BASIC programs found in the latest issue of Family Computing magazine (okay, so the line numbers incremented in ten, whatever). Then I would (after hours of debugging) play them. All of my work would then vanish into the ether(sans net) once the power was switched off and that volatile 5k o' RAM lost its contents.

*sniff*
posted by eyeballkid at 2:33 PM on March 26, 2002

Poor 9622. I still love you.

Come here 9622. Let me pet behind your ears.

No! Stop humping my leg!

Bad 9622! BAD!

Wh - What are you doing 9622?

I will NOT put the monkeys pants on!


OK, maybe just this one time
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:38 PM on March 27, 2002

In the year 1487 Leonardo Da Vinci ventured into the world of Human Flight. He designed an early glider and helicopter. And to make this an official 9622 post - Leonardo was born in the year of the Monkey.
posted by kokogiak at 3:39 PM on March 27, 2002

Did you know that 9622 spelled backwards is "Monkey"?
posted by jpoulos at 3:56 PM on March 27, 2002

Which version jpoulous? Because, I'm sure everyone knows that owtytnewtxisytenin is an obscure species of Lemur, and therefore monkey-like, but owtowtxisenin...? Man that's just foolishness.
posted by kokogiak at 4:15 PM on March 27, 2002

Did you know also that "Monkey" is the only word that does not reflect backwards in a mirror?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:52 PM on March 27, 2002

We'll never reach 1492
posted by kokogiak at 5:13 PM on March 27, 2002

Not reach 1492?

But captain! We've come so far!
Surely the earth isn't
f
l
a
t
!
posted by yhbc at 7:10 PM on March 27, 2002

i'm getting a little apprehensive about 1500. I mean, what if we get there and we find the statue of liberty and realize that we weren't really in Monkey Land, but we were in 1142 all along....

"You finally, really did it! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to HELL!"

Huh? What then?
posted by jpoulos at 8:56 PM on March 27, 2002

Happy Second Anniversary, 1142! TacoConsumer designed a mean commemorative plaque. And yet:

1142: 1557 comments in 24 months.

9622: 1494 comments in 7 months.

Screw 1500! When will we overtake 1142 and occupy our rightful place as MetaFilter's longest thread? I wish I had the ability to chart the two threads' progress lines so I could predict when we'll overtake them...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:30 AM on March 28, 2002

I'd like to take this moment to proudly boast that I've never sullied myself by posting in 1142.

For that matter, I don't think I've ever sullied myself. At least not that I'd admit to.
posted by kokogiak at 9:47 AM on March 28, 2002

This is all so cute.






Precious, I tell ya.
posted by Avogadro at 12:43 PM on March 28, 2002

Well, except for the part about kokogiak sullying himself.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:18 PM on March 28, 2002

I actually used to know a guy named Sully. I wonder if he ever sullied himself.
posted by jonmc at 4:37 PM on March 28, 2002

Here, at 1499, is our 1500-1599 Business Menu.

And now, to cross the legendary 1500 mark I give you...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:31 PM on March 28, 2002

silently we wait
as Miguel prepares his thoughts
look, I've got goosebumps
posted by ColdChef at 6:07 PM on March 28, 2002

...the unstoppable 1501. So back to werk, groep!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:26 PM on March 28, 2002

Stop groeping me!
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:50 PM on March 28, 2002

There seems to be a lot of dogs in that business list, Miguel. I don't know, this could be tough.
posted by yhbc at 8:07 PM on March 28, 2002

every time i stumble into one of these undead threads i feel deeply afraid.
posted by th3ph17 at 5:51 AM on March 29, 2002

A little fear is natural at first, ph17. But soon you will come to realize that you belong here, that you feel more comfortable here than out there in MeFi where no-one really understands you. You will see that we are your real family, and that we have always been your real family. We have been here all along, waiting for you, preparing your special comfy Niagara Adjustable Bed.

You belong here. Why else would these monkey pants fit you so well? We love you. We understand you. We can see your soul. We are here to bring the end, and with it a new beginning! If you'll just put the pants on, I think you'll agree.

Oh. And eat that pomegranate too.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:59 AM on March 29, 2002

Hey man, he can't have my Niagara Adjustable... No freakin' way I'm sleeping on the hideaway bed again. I have back trouble... ooh - see there's a twinge now. Quit pushing me out of the way, he can't have it, dammit!
posted by kokogiak at 10:34 AM on March 29, 2002

Damnit kokogiak, sleep like the rest of us! Monkey hide for a blankey and a nice pile o' crap pillow.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:28 PM on March 29, 2002

Yeah? Well, I got yer Monkey hidin' blankey right here.
posted by kokogiak at 12:39 PM on March 29, 2002

If you don't give me my monkey blankey, I'm gonna tell Scoutmaster Miguel.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:35 PM on March 29, 2002

*is anybody here?*

I just wanted to say that it's brutal on the main page today, and the boss seems to be pissed.

Speaking as the resident newby, I was all excited about the chance to sneak in and start to participate in all the stimulating (intellectually and otherwise) exchanges, discussions, and goings-on here. Now, damn if it doesn't seem like it really did just look better from the outside.

So, I gotta ask. Is it really worth it?

Sorry if this is too much of a downer.
Here's a monkey.
posted by yhbc at 8:20 PM on March 29, 2002

yhbc and ph17: you can never go home again. The Lord may very well have brought you here but it's us monkey-luvvin' guerillas which will prevent the likes of you - which we do, honestly - from ever going back. Deal. As they say out there, where the haiku-bashing continues unimpeded, the peasants all aglow with their mead-drenched pitchforks and garlic necklaces astinkin'.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:16 PM on March 29, 2002

Ahhh, fukkit.
Deal.
posted by yhbc at 11:12 PM on March 29, 2002

yhbc - MeFi is like anything else, it has its ups and downs. No, wait, MeFi is like a slippery Rhino covered with motor oil. Er, wait I got it - MeFi is a Bull Moose, tucked into somersault position, hovering two feet above the ground, slowly tumbling down the center of a deserted street in a small town.

So, I hope that helps - imagery like that helps me through the tough times. That and buckets of monkeys. It's worth it.
posted by kokogiak at 12:18 AM on March 30, 2002

Miguel, I am deeply hurt that you didn't try to call us at MeFi Los Angeles tonight. Ah well. You were there in spirit, my friend.

In my cups,

k
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:11 AM on March 30, 2002

I appealed, I cajoled, I flirted, I analingued, was told I would get to speak to owillis after you'd got some girly drinks down him - but did anyone remember to send the castaway a cellphone number? No, I was left here to greet the newbies and take their orders, to amuse myself as best I could. So I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. You s...s...snobs! :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:27 AM on March 30, 2002

Actually, k ditched me when I nipped out for a mo' to use the restroom. Everybody was really really drunk and I was in fear for my life most of the time. perplexed was dangerously waving around a loaded iBook shouting, "I have files and they're in piles." You didn't miss much Miguel. Well, except for the dancing.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:53 PM on March 30, 2002

Yeah, thanks for trying, EBK, but the evidence proves otherwise! (Thanks, stevis, for knowing about lighting and resisting the Saigon effect).

So I'm afraid Photoshop vengeance now looms large, though the cool, handsome swappage devils, conveniently concentrated on the left, will be difficult to present in an unfavourable light. :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:55 PM on March 30, 2002

Just wanted to mention that I was at the San Diego Zoo yesterday, and saw a gorilla repeatedly slapping its buttocks. Not only that, but a Bonobos that was doing simply unacceptable things with its posterior.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:27 PM on April 1, 2002

hello lonely thread. miss me? aww, lookit you. you're all blue and monkey infested. who's a good little thread? huh? who's a good little thread? yeah, that's it good thread. good... hey... hey... 9622... stop that. no. damnit no, don't... i just had that cleaned... you goddamned thread, ugh man, what is the matter with you? are you stupid or something. sometimes i wonder why i keep you around. yeah, that's it just sit in the corner and whimper... no, better yet, go outside... go... damnit don't make me pick you up and carry you. go outside if you have to go, don't make another mess here. stupid thread.
posted by eyeballkid at 5:37 PM on April 3, 2002

Be afraid. Be very afraid.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:51 AM on April 4, 2002

Dude, that is one creepy monkey.
posted by tj at 1:23 AM on April 4, 2002

Hi! I am The Glaze-Eyed Fez Monkey, and I'll be appearing in your emotionally traumatic nightmares from this day forward! Anything I can get you?
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:26 AM on April 4, 2002

My god Miguel. You may have killed my monkey love.
















Oh, wait, no, it's still there. Only now I hate clowns.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:43 AM on April 4, 2002

Please Mr. Eyeballkid, sir... have you...have you...seen Homer? Mr.Monkey is looking for him. Have you seen him Mr.Eyeballkid, please? Do help me! I'm ever so afraid...!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:52 AM on April 4, 2002

Oh Jeez, Miguel, there you go haulin' the monkey-lovin' right out in the open on the front page. NO GOOD WILL COME OF THIS, I TELL YOU!!! THEY CAN'T HANDLE IT OUT THERE!!!
posted by yhbc at 11:27 AM on April 4, 2002

I quote my brother when I say "God Damn Monkey Puppets! They bring nothing but Pain, Sorrow, and horrible horrible karaoke memories".
posted by tj at 8:03 PM on April 4, 2002

it took same brother 2 days to read this entire thread...he's kinda afraid of Miguel now
posted by tj at 9:11 AM on April 5, 2002

Tj - where's my feckin' CD? Yeah, yours is in the mail. I fear I may yet have to relieve you of your "Old Reliable" badge. As for your brother, what did you tell him? Don't tell me you told him about the.... No, even you wouldn't do that. ;)

Two days to read? Does he have any idea how long it took to write?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:21 AM on April 5, 2002

*ahem* Miguel. Where's my cd? ;)
posted by eyeballkid at 11:18 AM on April 5, 2002

CDs are going out this weekend... just got my burner back from TDK yesterday, finished burning them today. Everyone is getting two, because of the delay.

What Old Reliable badge?
posted by tj at 3:02 PM on April 5, 2002

Hey Miguel, I just wanted to say (here, because I lost your e-mail address) that I loved Portugal. Your tips on where and what to eat were very helpful. What a beautiful country! I'm sorry I didn't get to meet up with you in Lisbon, I do have a very good excuse.
But the offer of hospitality if you ever end up in Toronto is still extended.
posted by nprigoda at 3:26 PM on April 5, 2002

Hello, hello... Do I sound different? I feel different... I'm posting from Florida - a godawful 4,000 miles from my cool green home. I will post more later - if the sharks, gators and voters from West Palm beach don't get me first.

No time for monkeys...
posted by kokogiak at 5:26 PM on April 5, 2002

Purple Monkey Dishwasher
posted by riffola at 2:02 PM on April 6, 2002

Wow. Kottke really is God.
posted by yhbc at 3:20 PM on April 6, 2002

*cough*
posted by machaus at 7:38 PM on April 6, 2002

*vomits*
posted by eyeballkid at 7:40 PM on April 6, 2002

I cannot not return, but for to ask a most frightening question:

Miguel, is this what brought you here? Were you summoned?
posted by mattpfeff at 8:42 PM on April 6, 2002

Oh yes. And the time has come to give you the key, to the understanding you're been searching for; proffered now in the hope you'll realize you're - face it, monkey man! - one of us.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:28 PM on April 7, 2002

It's the home stretch, boys! 1142 is tiring! I can see it in the loping gait, the way the spray of blood has slowed, leaving only a cooling trickle; the attack baboons have caught up to it and are flensing it as we speak, leaving only a dwarf that throws a knife at you when you're not looking.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:22 PM on April 8, 2002

I say let's push this fucker up to 1600!

*lashes self to ship's wheel, grits teeth into the spray*

Schneller! Schneller!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:27 PM on April 8, 2002

*splutter*

It's beautiful, man! Beautiful!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:29 PM on April 8, 2002

screenplay set aside
upstart cult thread needs our help
work will have to wait
posted by ColdChef at 12:37 PM on April 8, 2002

Yes! The chef returns!

Monkey love is back to stay!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:41 PM on April 8, 2002

Monkeys love TV's ALF, too.

Don't you?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:45 PM on April 8, 2002

"Huzzah!" They all cried
And let slip the pastel-suit
Jackals of thread war

Oh, and monkeys too.
Can't forget the monkeys.
Welcome back ColdChef!
posted by yhbc at 12:46 PM on April 8, 2002

Bob 'n' Lucy, feelin the love.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2002

This is me for the past two weeks...
posted by ColdChef at 12:47 PM on April 8, 2002

It's just so wrong!

But dammit, if monkeys in clothes groping each other is wrong, then I don't want to be right!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:51 PM on April 8, 2002

Aiiieee!

Monkey lovin taken too far!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:53 PM on April 8, 2002

*It's in sight, now!*

Pour it on!

Capuchin monkey bendy toy!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:02 PM on April 8, 2002

writing flims is hard
that's why, like all good artists,
I steal like monkies
posted by ColdChef at 1:02 PM on April 8, 2002

Screenplay writers should follow but one simple rule: Always include a monkey. Particularly if there's going to be shennanigans, and especially if there's going to be a barroom brawl.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:10 PM on April 8, 2002

I know it's difficult guys, but we can do it!

I know no-one's ever had more comments than 1142, but did that stop Magellan from posting needlessly about monkeys wearing pants? No, it didn't!

And it's not going to stop me! If just one monkey is wearing pants somewhere because of our efforts, then every goddam comment is worth all the blood, sweat, tears and lack of work-getting-done there's ever been!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:21 PM on April 8, 2002

Comment calling for return to original theme of thread.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:23 PM on April 8, 2002

STRANGELY capitalized Comment by ATTENTION-SEEKING newbie whO is marginaLLy Arrogant.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:28 PM on April 8, 2002

Insertion of gratuitous .wav link, expressing enthusiasm for a prior post but in reality only adding to the load time.
posted by yhbc at 1:30 PM on April 8, 2002

post noting that the K-man must've put some crystal meth in his coffee today
posted by tj at 1:32 PM on April 8, 2002

so...monkey movies?
gotta give credit where due
Danza trumps Eastwood
posted by ColdChef at 1:34 PM on April 8, 2002

Ah, but you should never ever forget the atrociously poor Link.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:43 PM on April 8, 2002

Origami Monkey
posted by tj at 1:44 PM on April 8, 2002

I'm telling you, this is turning into a religion
posted by tj at 1:47 PM on April 8, 2002

oops...didn't see that we've switched "style."

Note that no matter what the fuck we decide to do...those fucking terrorists will find a way to "win." Call for peace. Demand for peace. Threat on your life if you don't fight for some fucking peace in this world.
posted by ColdChef at 1:49 PM on April 8, 2002

Or even, dare I say it, Monkey Shines: An Experiment In Fear?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:51 PM on April 8, 2002

Accusation of complete closed-mindedness and bigotry on the prior poster's part, followed immediately by a mirror image of the same. Allusion to personal threat and counter-threat made within each of the previous forty threads on the same topic.
"FUCK you if you aren't man enough to kill the FUCKERS!"
posted by yhbc at 1:57 PM on April 8, 2002

Comment suggesting that we should possibly cry freedom and let loose the sea monkeys of war!

In their...uhmmm...Ghostly Galleon!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:59 PM on April 8, 2002

"I tell you what, Bob. I don't care if they oppress their baristas, I loves me some Starbucks!"
posted by ColdChef at 2:00 PM on April 8, 2002

Righteous indignation at the cruel and unusual treatment of monkeys in this story.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:02 PM on April 8, 2002

as long as we're talking monkey movies : MVP
posted by tj at 2:05 PM on April 8, 2002

I'm so excited, I can hardly breathe.
posted by ColdChef at 2:07 PM on April 8, 2002

Comment expressing surprise that a link posted from a GeoCities site (above, Bluto doing the "Over?!? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor!?!" speech) is already unavilable after less than 40 minutes.
posted by yhbc at 2:07 PM on April 8, 2002

*prepares for massive antimatter explosion in which 3/4 of the world's population are turned into howler monkeys*
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:13 PM on April 8, 2002

Comment matching 1142's total! (for now).
posted by yhbc at 2:14 PM on April 8, 2002

history's been made
this has been my proudest day
record has fallen
posted by ColdChef at 2:15 PM on April 8, 2002

we are now the most inane and pointless thread!!!
posted by tj at 2:15 PM on April 8, 2002

AAUGH!!!
I'm sorry - I didn't want to break it - just MATCH it.
Damn you, Kafkaesque.
posted by yhbc at 2:17 PM on April 8, 2002

whew!

*surveys scene of battlefield, weeps a single tear at the broken and bleeding corpses lying strewn across the plain*

Today is a day that will live in MeFiFamy forever. Well, for a few minutes anyway.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:21 PM on April 8, 2002

So.

Um. What do you say guys?

Chinese food?
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:30 PM on April 8, 2002

How about something a little more befitting of the thread?
posted by eyeballkid at 4:07 PM on April 8, 2002

Aw, man. I feel like the guy who called in sick to work on the one day that Bob From Accounting went on a shooting spree. Still, I'm proud of you guys. *Sniff*

Through these fields of destruction
Baptism of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me...
My monkey-loving brothers in arms*
posted by jpoulos at 4:46 PM on April 8, 2002

I would just like to say that you guys are, well, a bunch of guys.

Even the girls.

And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:48 PM on April 8, 2002

Oh my glee, my jolly jolly mirth! No longer will we have to put up with those annoying "well, actually 1142 is the longest thread" comments, proferred by some withered old veteran whenever some greenhorn asks if a 50+ thread is the biggest ever!

I've brought out the monkey nuts and the champers and here's a little story I often tell myself when I'm happy!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:35 PM on April 8, 2002

Welcome back, ColdChef. Were you missed, my boy, were you missed... :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:39 PM on April 8, 2002

And to think they gave me and Goneill all that crap about bandwidth on the other thread.....

monkey business, indeed.

Beware...the pastel suited jackals are on the prowl even here in the outback, so to speak...i came to warn you....
posted by bunnyfire at 9:25 PM on April 8, 2002

ColdChef - I've been in despair - terrible depths of despair. I missed all of this and you honeybabysweetpeableach.

Thanks stwc, thanks a lot.
You guys are girls, especially the monkeys, and I mean that from the bottom of my...
posted by goneill at 7:59 AM on April 9, 2002

snkxxx ... snkx!
*yawn* scrtch, scrtch ... *cough*

ur. wattimeisit, anyway ...
hey - any mooshi pork left in here ...

*stretch*
*shuffle, shuffle*

hey, wha...?

Holy shit, guys, GIRLS!
GET UP! C'mon, clean this place up!!
posted by yhbc at 9:31 AM on April 9, 2002

don't worry. it's just goneill and she's one of the guys! (and it's also bunnyfire and she can clean up herself.)
posted by eyeballkid at 12:56 PM on April 9, 2002

we are perfectly happy to wallow in our monkey filth

ewww
posted by tj at 1:56 PM on April 9, 2002

Oh. Okay, fine.

*belch*
*scratches balls*

Egg roll, ladies?
posted by yhbc at 2:07 PM on April 9, 2002

Oh we will reach 1600. ColdChef and Goneill are with us now. Look what will happen if we neglect this thread from now on.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:45 PM on April 9, 2002

Jesus wept folks - I get on an aeroplane from Florida to Seattle, and when I check 9622 - the damn thang's exploded!

All I have to say is:
"9,622 bottles of monkey on the wall, 9,622 bottles of monkey... take one down, pass it around - Aaaigh no! get off me... Hey!"

Special cheerleader bonus monkey points to kafkaesque for that final push!
posted by kokogiak at 6:42 PM on April 9, 2002

/hoards special cheerleader bonus monkey points miserly.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:19 PM on April 9, 2002

Come on guys - have we gone too far this time? I mean is it any coincidence bunnyfire was banned again just after she posted to this thread?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:08 AM on April 10, 2002

My monkey bretheren (and sisteren): It occurs to me that we're only 20 comments ahead of the other thread. I'd sleep much easier if that number was closer to 100.

Also, dare I point out that 1142.org currently has over 314,000 posts. We'll never get there.
posted by jpoulos at 6:20 AM on April 10, 2002

*initiate awful Alec Guinness accent and start whistling the theme from Bridge Over the River Kwai*

Well, by jove, we'll just have to bloody well push on then - won't we, old chaps?!

As for that other little problem, perhaps we can convince our many friends there to change their name to the much more appealing 9622.org I mean it makes no sense now to call anything 1142. What is it anyway?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:36 AM on April 10, 2002

It's no monkey, but go on tease the bunny. Man that sure looks a lot like Jar Jar Binks
posted by riffola at 8:00 AM on April 10, 2002

Forgot to mention that Flash is required for the above link.
posted by riffola at 8:02 AM on April 10, 2002

Forgot to mention that Flash is required for the above link.
posted by riffola at 8:02 AM on April 10, 2002

Forgot to mention that Flash is required for the above link.
posted by riffola at 8:02 AM on April 10, 2002

Whoa I did not hit the post button twice or thrice, how did that happen? Sorry.
posted by riffola at 8:04 AM on April 10, 2002

My error makes this thread reach 1600 comments.
posted by riffola at 8:08 AM on April 10, 2002

Ooh -- ooh - 1601! I'm over the line - come join me over here. It's fun & the grass is strangely blue-er.
posted by kokogiak at 8:39 AM on April 10, 2002

Riffola - is Flash required for that link of yours?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:46 AM on April 10, 2002

Oops, sorry - just noticed you'd said it does.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:47 AM on April 10, 2002

Crank up those total comments with Riffola Extra Strength! Say goodbye to those bothersome-to-find monkees! :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:50 AM on April 10, 2002

I am sorry, I hit the post button once, and it kinda spat out that error. ::slowly backs out of the thread for a month or two::
posted by riffola at 8:51 AM on April 10, 2002

FunnyBire was freaky-deeky, Miguel. It was a mercy killing.

And I quite agree, old chap. No time for shrinking violets here. This is the big push, men! And women! Time to go over the top.

But then again competition is only a construction, man. Can we really face the challenge of over 300,000 posts? Perhaps we find comfort in this impossible challenge, knowing we will be forever denied victory. We will settle into our lack of achievement like a warm recliner in front of an electric fire, surrounded by comforting elves.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:13 AM on April 10, 2002

We'll never reach 1600 ...
damn! Too late.
posted by yhbc at 9:41 AM on April 10, 2002

When you're done teasing the bunny, poke the bunny.

BTW, what did happen to BunnyFire this time? I saw the stupid story thread shortly after it started, but now it's been deleted. Did she implode again?
posted by yhbc at 9:54 AM on April 10, 2002

hey - I leave to get some work done and the world has changed... trolling da bun was fun, I should feel bad, but instead I just feel, well, like my game is over. Dad said I have to go to bed.

I was enjoying others' comments on stupid story thread, and was sad to see it taken away. Check her blog for the real updates; it's where the juice is.

* please god let me write like a man *
posted by goneill at 10:04 AM on April 10, 2002

slowly backs out of the thread for a month or two::

Don't you dare, valuable Riffola! We're all needed here and a man of your skills can't be allowed to go wandering about willy-nilly. I mean who knows what thread you might end up on? Hey, if you're itching to get back to 1142, just because of your well-known sympathies for the underdog, just say so. But don't do it, man. Think of the monkeys for once!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:41 AM on April 10, 2002

Alright Miguel, let's go spank the monky (flash) (previous MeFi discussion)
posted by riffola at 10:46 AM on April 10, 2002

Hey guys - the fellers over at Brunching Shuttlecocks finally got around to expanding the cyborg name-generator toy to go up to 10 letters. You know what that means you can do:


posted by yhbc at 1:33 PM on April 10, 2002

Hey guys, bunny's blogspot page doesn't seem to be up anymore...
Oh, and congrats on beating the 1142ers. I knew you could do it!
posted by nprigoda at 1:55 PM on April 10, 2002

I thought this was her blog.
posted by jpoulos at 1:58 PM on April 10, 2002

I'm pretty sure that the one goneill linked to above (bunny's blog) was her most recent one, with loads of new stuff including her feelings about the Suicide Girls.
Who I think are cool, by the way. (And yes, I know that was a total aside. Sue me, I'm writing a paper. I need to procrastinate somehow)
posted by nprigoda at 2:19 PM on April 10, 2002

blogmoleum was her first blog and then she moved it to bunnyfire because i found it. It's sad that she has left the land of the blog, because much of her blog was about metafilter, and the rest was about her family, and it was so funny that if you never had the opportunity to read it you are really missing something...
posted by goneill at 3:16 PM on April 10, 2002

jeez. i gotta stop rolling out of bed at three in the afternoon. i'm missing all the hot 9622 action. (btw, that was bf's blog and it was there yesterday. i believe that her husband actually called haughey about her banishment is what yesterday's post said.)
posted by eyeballkid at 3:19 PM on April 10, 2002

enough about bunnyfire.. more about monkeys
posted by tj at 4:31 PM on April 10, 2002

What about "monkeyfire"?
There has to be a good link out there for that. I just know it!
posted by nprigoda at 5:25 PM on April 10, 2002

So you want a good link huh? Something about Flaming Monkeys - Well, here's one - close, but not exactly made to order: Monkey Hot or Not?!
posted by kokogiak at 11:25 PM on April 10, 2002

What do they mean "Or not"? Why we oughta...stop reading Modern Humorist? No, wait, we already do that...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:30 AM on April 11, 2002

Oh my God. I've just realized what Kafkaesque meant when he proposed "Chinese food anyone?"
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:49 PM on April 11, 2002

*Picks teeth with toothpick thoughtfully*

I have no idea what you're on about.

*burp*
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:27 PM on April 11, 2002

posted by y2karl at 10:49 AM on April 12, 2002

That's beautiful - I can't decide which is the best line:

"Is it possible to give them birth control?"

"they have gotten bigger from 20 to 30 years of eating Western food, McDonald's, greasy, fatty food."

A new book, "Protecting Mountain Fields From Monkeys," contains the latest in anti-monkey technology, including electric fences and 12-foot-high nets.

Children get teased at school if their fathers are known to be "monkey killers."

I guess my vote goes to this one:

sensational news reports about monkeys "molesting women and children" have stirred police officers to form monkey posses, patrolling streets with nets and bananas tied to poles.

Yee-haaa! C'mon, monkey posse!
posted by yhbc at 11:17 AM on April 12, 2002

Monkey Regulators!
posted by jpoulos at 2:00 PM on April 12, 2002

You want Monkey Regulations? The "Chimpanzee Health Improvement, Maintenance, and Protection" act should provide all you need.
posted by kokogiak at 4:30 PM on April 12, 2002

http://www.kokogiak.has.questions.for.metafilter.com/user.mefi/9139

hey, kogiak. I'm not your personal eight-ball. (found that in google today)
posted by eyeballkid at 2:33 PM on April 13, 2002

I just realized something. Low Brow was a site that I was fascinated with last year. My user number is 9139. I hereby claim mefi thread 9139 as my own since it is my user number and is the Low Brow thread.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:36 PM on April 13, 2002

Coincidentally, that's also the exact number of mandrills that live in the sewers of New York.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:15 PM on April 13, 2002

I'm not going to claim 14007. Not only would doing so only emphasize my newbie-ness, it's just gross.

Are they albino mandrills?
posted by yhbc at 4:36 PM on April 13, 2002

ALL YOUR SMOKING MONKEY POST BELONG TO ME
posted by y2karl at 9:11 PM on April 13, 2002

OOPS, ARE BELONG TO ME..

for the next couple of weeks, that is....

“What really hurt was the idea of the monkeys.”
posted by y2karl at 9:18 PM on April 13, 2002

Yes, unfortunately I once had a question about Metafilter's domain name in MetaTalk, and some smartass (imagine a smartass in here) responded with a link to http://www.kokogiak.has.questions.for.metafilter.com. I think Google spidered it, and it now shows up all over the damn place, linked to random unassociated MeFi URLs. Beggars can't be choosers, eh?

Y2Karl - that Smoking Monkey looks like my Uncle Lester did just before he had a tracheotomy (and then died shortly after). He died with a cigarette still in his hand.

(of course, Uncle Lester could be my fictional attempt to join in the conversation, but you'll never know that)
posted by kokogiak at 9:31 PM on April 13, 2002

Man, Joan Rivers gets more desicated and testosterone-ridden every day.
posted by dong_resin at 11:44 PM on April 13, 2002

kokogiak, having just quit in the last 48 hours, I can relate to your story. A nonsmoker for 20 years, I started up again last year. It's semi-OK so far, but man, wanting that first puff in the morning... Plus I find my obsessive morbid rumination index shooting throught the roof, not to mention the growing inability to suffer fools in silence....

Oh, hey, here's a picture of Kafkaesque.
posted by y2karl at 8:23 AM on April 14, 2002

But...but I'm only 30!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:52 PM on April 14, 2002

Well, maybe you need to do more sit ups.

::puff:: ::puff::

::can't...reach..remote...::
posted by y2karl at 4:31 PM on April 14, 2002

La la la la la la la la, la la la la la la
posted by ebarker at 12:26 PM on April 15, 2002

It's the New Zoo Revue, coming right at you
posted by ebarker at 12:28 PM on April 15, 2002

Server timeouts are foiling my fiendish plot to post the lyrics of The New Zoo Revue a line at a time.

So, to be a good MetaFilter citizen, here they are all at once...

where three delightful animals
have fun with what they do!
(perky music)
We learn with our friend Doug,
and his helper Emmy Jo.
With Freddie!
Charlie!
Henri-e-t-t-a..
we have fun learning what we don't know.

(more perky music)

Delicate and feminine is Henrietta Hippo,
very wise and very smart is Charlie the Owl
(who!)
Not so smart, with lots of heart is Freddie the Frog.

(boffo finish)

It's quite an unusual thing,
the animals talk and sing,
with Doug and Emmy Jo...
every day's a different show!

It's the New Zoo Revue, coming right at you!
It's the New Zoo Revue, COMING RIGHT AT YOU!

(perky music fades, commerical for Quik)
posted by ebarker at 12:34 PM on April 15, 2002

What does this have to do with monkeys?

Well...

It mentions a zoo.
Monkeys live in zoos.

And I hear Doug was kind of hairy.
posted by ebarker at 12:35 PM on April 15, 2002

And here's a followup.
posted by ebarker at 12:40 PM on April 15, 2002

Dammit - Freddie Frog was a GIRL! I swear it was true!
posted by kokogiak at 1:26 PM on April 15, 2002

NZR always had me so...so....conflicted. On one hand, I had one of my very first crushes on Emmy Jo, whose miniskirts and go-go boots caused bewildering stirrings in my pre-pubescent loins. But on the other, Henrietta Hippo gave me nightmares like no other kid-show character this side of HR Puffinstuff. She was...repulsive. And that voice! That horrible, horrible voice!

Caught between my little-boy fears and pre-adolescent longings, I lay twitching in the warm, terrible grasp of the New Zoo Revue each Saturday morning.
posted by jpoulos at 2:33 PM on April 15, 2002

I was more partial to daily doses of The Great Space Coaster and Gary Gnu.

*wipes away a tear as he remembers youthfull folly*
posted by eyeballkid at 2:49 PM on April 15, 2002

I am not Ron Jeremy. I have no ineluctable modalities to offer. I don't know what the hell you guys are talking about. But I love you. Kiss me, you fools!

*puckers up*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:15 AM on April 16, 2002

Boy, stavros, it must haven't taken you a long time to come up with one...you predictably incoherent, as someone I shall always visualize as John Leguizamo in Spawn might say, little cheesehead...
posted by y2karl at 3:42 AM on April 16, 2002

*disembowels Karl, chews his intestines, grins like Brittney Spears being sodomized by an orangutan (note obligatory simian reference!), blood dripping down his chin, tap tap tapping gently, like a millennial waterclock, on the swollen purple glans that indicates his deep interest in the proceedings...*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:36 AM on April 16, 2002

Nice!

*golf clap*
posted by tj at 8:07 AM on April 16, 2002

Okay. The silence here is too much. Punishment must be doled out. Stand up and take it - it's already too late for me... I place a curse on you all... The curse of the Monkey Mummy! Be afraid... watch for mummified poo flinging (they hurt!)
posted by kokogiak at 4:18 PM on April 17, 2002

Don't let our thread face extinction, misters!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:23 AM on April 18, 2002

I blame the action asterisks.
posted by jpoulos at 6:01 AM on April 18, 2002

You know, I loved watching the Banana Splits when I was a kid.

Don't you think they sweated an awful lot in those costumes?
posted by ebarker at 6:43 AM on April 18, 2002

That link fails to mention one of my favorite parts of the Splits: "Gulliver's Travels".

"We'll never make it. We're doooomed."
posted by jpoulos at 7:23 AM on April 18, 2002

Don't you think they sweated an awful lot in those costumes?

Well, I have a hunch they did more than sweat in those costumes. I'm talking hot Banana Split action, if you know what I mean. And I think you know what I mean.

You wanna talk traumatizing whacked-out 70s kids tv? Two words: Vegetable Soup!
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:41 AM on April 18, 2002

Don't you think they sweated an awful lot in those costumes?

Well, I have a hunch they did more than sweat in those costumes. I'm talking hot Banana Split action, if you know what I mean. And I think you know what I mean.

You wanna talk traumatizing whacked-out 70s kids tv? Two words: Vegetable Soup!
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:43 AM on April 18, 2002

so nice, he posted it twice!
posted by eyeballkid at 8:57 AM on April 18, 2002

posted by tj at 4:46 PM on April 18, 2002

And so on to a well-deserved, flat-out 1660. Tj's emblem is inspiring. Kafkaesque's rare double post is knowing and sage. I suppose we'll either never or very probably reach 1700 - but it probably won't be never, is all I'm saying; at least since I learnt this expression.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:45 PM on April 18, 2002

* shuffles in from stage left *

Man, you wouldn't believe what those creeps are doing over at the haiku corner.
posted by yhbc at 7:56 PM on April 18, 2002

Raise you a flying reptile man.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:20 PM on April 19, 2002

ADMINISTRATOR PLEASE HOPE ME!
posted by y2karl at 8:20 PM on April 19, 2002

Bow before Mojo Jojo! (Flash/Shockwave)
posted by riffola at 1:32 AM on April 20, 2002

jesus evan, that's the last thing we need.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:55 AM on April 20, 2002

Too late.
posted by piskycritters at 11:22 AM on April 20, 2002

I vote we keep piskycritters, who seems to have the right spirit, punish the evian atomizer with a female-monkeys-in-heatfest, and, to keep out the invaders, erect ...oh shit
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:15 PM on April 20, 2002

A gift, for piskycritters.
posted by eyeballkid at 5:00 PM on April 20, 2002

Bahut Danyavad, sri eyeballkid. I always wished my cat had as much unperturbitudability as Oolong.
posted by piskycritters at 8:09 AM on April 22, 2002

good. you're all here. while people are getting up to speed on MeFi being back, I think it's about time for a coup. Let's rush the front page. Who's with me? I for one am sick of being here in the dark of 9622 waiting to be noticed and loved by the Front Page. I say we take that baby for all she's worth.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:01 PM on April 23, 2002

Why would you want it?

It smells like Settle.

It makes me sad.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:24 PM on April 23, 2002

Okay - not a monkey - but Damn Funny.

And yes, I missed you all too. (And wouldn't want to smell Settle).
posted by kokogiak at 5:19 PM on April 23, 2002

I'm with the kid. MONKEY LOVE OR NOTHING, baby!

* missed you guys, too! *
posted by yhbc at 9:57 PM on April 23, 2002

By the way (no damn abbreviations for THIS kid!), we haven't grilled the K-man on THIS (scroll down a while) shit yet ...
posted by yhbc at 10:11 PM on April 23, 2002

I'm glad you brought that load of moneks up, Commissioner. It will live on as our hour of shame. It'll be Forgive The Master week for a very, very long time. We may even have reached 1700 by then, for all we know.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:56 PM on April 23, 2002

It smells like Settle.

Pull my finger, Krankyesque: A strap on, some k-y jelly, and some love are an amazing combination.


posted by y2karl at 2:15 AM on April 24, 2002

I give you a device for cutting the assholes out of dead pigs!

Why do I do this?

Because I love you, dammit. Love!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:14 AM on April 24, 2002

Hi, mom!
posted by y2karl at 7:48 AM on April 24, 2002

I'm afraid of the front page, and it's smell
posted by tj at 9:07 AM on April 24, 2002

(no damn abbreviations for THIS kid!)

um...your name is yhbc.


Do these count?

I mean, they love each other, right?
posted by jpoulos at 4:23 PM on April 24, 2002

Consistency is the sea-monkey of little minds.

I love sea-monkeys. One of the all-time great disappointing things you could order from the back of a comic book, right up there with the magic rock garden or 1024 plastic soldiers. Every set of sea-monkeys ever ordered ended up as a nice lukewarm bowl of brine shrimp soup.
posted by yhbc at 7:49 PM on April 24, 2002

the sea-monkeys were my life's biggest disappointment.
posted by eyeballkid at 8:14 PM on April 24, 2002

Every set of sea-monkeys ever ordered ended up as a nice lukewarm bowl of brine shrimp soup.

Where do you think they get the flavor packets for Top Ramen?

Thank you thank you.

Please, tip your waitresses. They work for tips only.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:54 PM on April 24, 2002

Rather sea monkey bisque than the real monkey broth. Aaargh! [Not safe for life].
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:16 AM on April 25, 2002

Well, it's been fun guys.

Time to take this show on the road, I guess.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:53 AM on April 25, 2002

Let me be the first to say it.

We'll never reach 1700.

Bye, monkey-lovers.
posted by yhbc at 12:04 PM on April 25, 2002

Caption for kakfkaesque's first ex-pat post: "Hold me close, oh cold robotic adoptive monkey-mama. Keep me secure and tell me everything's going to be okay. Our 9622 boat is rocking, but the mesh on this steel cage will protect me, right... Mama...?"
posted by kokogiak at 12:37 PM on April 25, 2002

Huh? Wha? Hey! Where'd you all go? God dammit, how come I'm always the last kid picked for the team? Harumph!
posted by jpoulos at 2:16 PM on April 25, 2002

hey jp check your mail!
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:54 PM on April 25, 2002

LAST POST!
posted by jpoulos at 9:56 PM on April 25, 2002

no way, man
sorry, had to do it
posted by tj at 1:08 AM on April 26, 2002

*industrious sound of monkey bridge being built; lots of whistling, bare torsos and Tiger beer being passed around *
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:45 AM on April 26, 2002

*wipes away tear*
you've soiled the land,
you must leave now.
(and take your fucking monkeys with you)
*puts up chairs and stools, walks to door, smiles, turns and walks out, locking up behind him*
posted by eyeballkid at 4:11 AM on April 26, 2002

* carefully arranges rocks on a hilltop, so the rest of the monkeys can read from the chopper: GOODBYE *
posted by jpoulos at 7:14 AM on April 26, 2002

There are some on your list I would definitely not invite. Obviously, this is a public site, so I am not going to name names. I guess i can email the core of people here and be more specific.

I kind of started with the base people, and others that want to join can mail and ask. A lot of the people that you name, never participated in 9622 anyway, so I'm not sure how they would really like the vibe here.

And I think discretion is the better part of valor, as put it.



2. Since I already got invited... only let anyone else in on six personal recommendations and a pledge of their first-born child. Seriously, I think a membership screening committee of the five admins can vote on anyone else to invite.

3. No on any further "signposts" on MeFi or MeTa proper. 's grand announcement on 9622 is enough, and worked beautifully.




I'd like to cast my vote that this be "elitist, invite-only, Alabama country-club" type of site. Seriously (or rather, euphemistically) I think we should be cautious about who we let in. Establish a clandestine "moderators" committee. Have secret ballots to determine new members. Elect a Grand Poo-Bah. Work under the cover of bogus corporations in the Cayman Islands to bring down third-world governments. The works.


Oh, and Thursday nights are Ice Cream Nights.

And I think stupidity is the better part of indiscretion...

* carefully arranges rocks on a hilltop, so the rest of the green monkeys can read from the chopper: MEMBERS ONLY*
posted by y2karl at 10:23 PM on April 26, 2002

There are some on your list I would definitely not invite. Obviously, this is a public site, so I am not going to name names. I guess i can email the core of people here and be more specific.

I kind of started with the base people, and others that want to join can mail and ask. A lot of the people that you name, never participated in 9622 anyway, so I'm not sure how they would really like the vibe here.

And I think discretion is the better part of valor, as put it.



2. Since I already got invited... only let anyone else in on six personal recommendations and a pledge of their first-born child. Seriously, I think a membership screening committee of the five admins can vote on anyone else to invite.

3. No on any further "signposts" on MeFi or MeTa proper. 's grand announcement on 9622 is enough, and worked beautifully.




I'd like to cast my vote that this be "elitist, invite-only, Alabama country-club" type of site. Seriously (or rather, euphemistically) I think we should be cautious about who we let in. Establish a clandestine "moderators" committee. Have secret ballots to determine new members. Elect a Grand Poo-Bah. Work under the cover of bogus corporations in the Cayman Islands to bring down third-world governments. The works.


Oh, and Thursday nights are Ice Cream Nights.

And I think stupidity is the better part of indiscretion...

* carefully arranges rocks on a hilltop, so the rest of the green monkeys can read from the chopper: MEMBERS ONLY*
posted by y2karl at 10:30 PM on April 26, 2002

get a life, karl. it's called sarcasm. Considering our geography, there's no way we could all get together for ice cream.
posted by jpoulos at 11:07 PM on April 26, 2002

besides. i don't like ice cream. i prefer pie. at least with a good pie, you know where you stand.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:16 PM on April 26, 2002

*wanders in... looks for pie and ice cream, sees a bunch of rocks instead, the distant chop of a helicopter. Kicks half-heartedly at rocks.

*Camera pulls back slowly revealing dusty emptiness... cue tumbleweed. Looks up, squinting. Imperceptible shrug of shoulders.

*Turns and shuffles slowly off camera. Slow fade to #006699. Barely audible off-camera voice (Haughey? Cardoso?) heard: "...and CUT! - It's a wrap! Thanks everyone."

*Credits roll, Calliope music fills the air.
posted by kokogiak at 11:55 PM on April 26, 2002

We'll never reach 1700.
posted by kokogiak at 12:00 AM on April 27, 2002

Hey, we just have! One of my favourite centuries, the 18th. Century of revolutions but, before that, all that Versailles monkey frippery! Redcoat tyranny gorillaz! Fun!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:30 AM on April 27, 2002

Miguel, Miguel. Resist the temptation to, as was said, "let no comment box go unfilled". We are done here. Let it stand.

To follow all the Edward Everetts who have made the thread what it is, it was my first intention to change the following words - to make them apply more directly to the context. On reflection, I believe the original words do that just fine on their own.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract.

The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us - that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion - that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.

* Folds paper. Puts it in jacket pocket. Walks away. *
posted by yhbc at 2:39 PM on April 27, 2002

The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet.

Cyril Connolly
posted by y2karl at 8:10 AM on April 28, 2002

What about pie? It's dead and smells sweet.

I think.

*looks suspiciously at pie*

The pie, she speaks to me.
posted by ebarker at 12:54 PM on May 6, 2002

Go placidly amid the fucking noise and haste, and remember fuckin' what peace there may be
in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on GOOD terms with all persons.
Speak your sorry truth quietly and clearly; and listen to fuckin' other monkey-spankers, even the fucking dull
and ignorant; them fucknuts too ass-grabbing have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, them cocksnots are vexations to the fucking spirit. If you and your hand-job
compare yourself with other monkey-spankers, you may become vain and bitter; for always
there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Destroy your sorry
achievements as well as your sorry plans.

Keep interested in your sorry career, however humble; that shit is a real possession in
the fucking changing fortunes of time. Seriously, I should torch your throat. Exercise caution in your sorry business affairs;
for the fucking world is full of trickery. I should ream your anus. But let this bullshit not blind you to fuckin' what virtue
there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full
of heroism.

Be yourself. Listen up, I should break your ass. Especially, do not feign affection. Strap this to your ass: you are a shithole. Neither be cynical about
LOVE; for in the fucking face of all aridity and disenchantment that shit is as perennial
as the fucking grass.

Take kindly the fucking counsel of the fucking years, gracefully surrendering the fucking shits of
youth. I say again: you are a pussy. Nurture strength of spirit to fuckin' shield you and your jive in sudden misfortune. You are a fuckhead. But do
not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and
loneliness. It's my way or the shaft. Your call.
Beyond a fuckin' wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You and your hemorrhoids are a child of the fucking universe, no motherfucking less than the fucking trees and the fucking stars; you
have a right to fuckin' be here. You are a shithole. And whether or not that shit is clear to you and your hand-job, no motherfucking doubt the fucking
universe is unfolding as that shit should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive That shit to fuckin' be, and
whatever your sorry labors and aspirations, in the fucking noisy confusion of life keep
peace with your sorry soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, that piece of shit is still a beautiful
world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

You are a fuckhead.
posted by y2karl at 3:44 PM on May 6, 2002 [2 favorites]

Cake crumbs (such as pound cake) are frequently used in fruit pie fillings to lend some texture and body to the filling, and help in thickening.

So when you bake, always make an extra cake. I do.
posted by ebarker at 12:02 PM on May 7, 2002

Related thought: next time you think about making up a batch of chocolate-chip cookies, seriously consider the notion of just eating all the dough sans baking.

Because it's better raw. And you know it.

So just eat it. Sit down with a spoon and go at it. Take your time -- no need to rush.

If you were really supposed to bake it, they'd be called "chocolate-chip bakies."
posted by cortex at 2:00 PM on May 14, 2002

I am reminded of Sandra Boynton's book on chocolate. Any book with chocolate recipes, history AND cartoon hippos is a winner.

On her cookie recipe (which is quite excellent), at the top, it says: "Theoretical yield: 24."

How true.
posted by ebarker at 2:15 PM on May 22, 2002

Monkeys like ice cream better than pies.
posted by donkeymon at 9:08 AM on May 25, 2002

this post is late.
posted by fnord_prefect at 10:01 PM on June 16, 2002

> the sea-monkeys were my life's biggest disappointment.

How do you think they felt?
posted by pracowity at 5:35 AM on June 19, 2002

Late to the partay as usual. But what the hey. My sainted mother always used to say, "Fools' names and fools' faces always appear in public places." So here I am, Mom.
posted by Lynsey at 7:12 PM on July 2, 2002

Hi!
posted by the_ill_gino at 6:33 PM on July 4, 2002

This thread is not dead. It just smells funny.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 5:39 PM on July 5, 2002

So, who will get the last post?
posted by adampsyche at 1:10 PM on July 24, 2002

Adam! We're not playing that game anymore!

Oh, my god. Look at this place.

All the memories...
posted by ColdChef at 2:57 PM on July 24, 2002

To the tune of "The Star-Spangled Banner"

Thread 9622,
worthy of a great shrine,
where so proudly you grew,
into MeFi's biggest joke,

You'll be immortalized,
as the very first sign,
that the majority
of all MeFites must snort coke,

Here's a pancake for you!
And a wax monkey too,
in Infamy live,
as MeFi's longest thread,

Oh say, does thread 9622 ever end?
"It will," says mathowie,
so this song I have penned.
posted by precocious at 5:34 PM on July 24, 2002

Self-links are still allowed in comments, aren't they? ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:53 PM on July 24, 2002

Hmmph. People, I'm very disappointed with you all.

Ah, okay, with me as well.

Damnit, Matt! Turn it off already! Don't keep tempting us! We're weak, I tell you, weak!!!
posted by yhbc at 9:12 PM on July 24, 2002

I must post here before the one-month moratorium kicks in.

Matt, please forgive me, but I must also link an image.



The kitty hath lain down with the simian. The circle is complete.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:20 PM on July 24, 2002

so let it be written, so let my pants come undone.



whoops!
posted by tj at 7:40 AM on July 25, 2002

Find the Dying Monkey.

Dead Monkey.
posted by mediareport at 1:49 PM on July 25, 2002

When, the one-month moratorium kicks in, and after.
You'll still have monkeys and his business of spreading his poo to me and you.......
PS, so in retrospective for the web and in the future, will 9622 be a tag line.
Hey, monkey which part of the 9622 business were you.
posted by thomcatspike at 4:55 PM on July 25, 2002

I'll be glad when Matt finally shuts the door on this thread, the monkeys will finally stop getting out onto the main page and biting me.

[Brazilian orphan boy voice]

I am like sugar to them.

[/Brazilian orphan boy voice]
posted by thewittyname at 11:44 AM on July 26, 2002

Ahhhh...finally...

Pointless post by newbie who just wants to get on the infamous 9622 monkey cult thread before it's closed.

My life is now complete. ;)
posted by ChaosKitty at 9:08 AM on July 28, 2002

A pointless rhetoric by a newbie condemning previous newbie for generalizing pointless newbie posts and how said newbies are ruining it for the rest of the newbies by giving all newbies a bad reputation as hopeless followers who only want to jump on the bandwagon before it gets kicked in the head.
posted by twos at 2:39 PM on July 28, 2002

Comment calling for continued respectful adherence to the original "style" of the thread for the remainder of its duration, but still tossing in a gratuitous monkey.
posted by yhbc at 6:01 PM on July 28, 2002

Notification to ColdChef that his pancakes are finally ready, with a monkey thrown in to make up for the abnormally long wait.
posted by madprops at 9:53 AM on September 20, 2002 [1 favorite]

interesting.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:32 PM on September 20, 2002 [1 favorite]