August 24, 2001

10:32 AM

metafilter parody.no comment from me, i'll leave that to everyone else.
posted by will (1729 comments total)

Sarcastic comment about what a brilliant work of parody that is. And also adding that it must haven't taken hours to develop and refine.
posted by y6y6y6 at 10:37 AM on August 24, 2001

Strong agreement with something only tangentially related to original post's point.
posted by rschram at 10:37 AM on August 24, 2001

impersonal double post notification
posted by sawks at 10:38 AM on August 24, 2001

Questioning the necessity of dp notification, as it may be new to some
posted by cell divide at 10:39 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

Exasperated exclamation that sometimes double-posts are fine and people should just get off the poster's back.

;->
posted by mikel at 10:39 AM on August 24, 2001

dumbass comment from stupid guy with 2 letter name that he forgot to spell check agin
posted by tj at 10:39 AM on August 24, 2001

Jakob sucks, Nader rules, and Kottke is over-rated/the best blog (circle one).
posted by msacheson at 10:42 AM on August 24, 2001

Pointless ad hominem attack.
posted by bison at 10:42 AM on August 24, 2001

Vauge reference to style of speech, relevant link? Nonsensical end to statement.

Jigsaw. Fragment chief butter. King surgery mind?
Smellsign.
Nose army.
posted by jojomnky at 10:44 AM on August 24, 2001

Nose army.

Don't you mean Nose Pilot?
posted by Marquis at 10:45 AM on August 24, 2001

self-humiliating apology for self linking
posted by almostcool at 10:46 AM on August 24, 2001

Accidental post meant for another thread.
posted by iceberg273 at 10:55 AM on August 24, 2001

teeny tiny snarky comment
posted by briank at 10:56 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

Usual comment from authority (not Me) about if we want the web to be free of control, we must put up with "good" things and "bad" things. We can be better than history.
posted by riley370 at 10:57 AM on August 24, 2001

HAHAHA.
posted by Satapher at 11:00 AM on August 24, 2001

Comment from a newbie that isn't funny.
posted by remlapm at 11:02 AM on August 24, 2001

Post which opens an italic tag, but forgets to close it.
posted by OpenTagBoy at 11:03 AM PST on August 24


Post which is about as on topic as any.
posted by QuadruplePostGuy at 11:03 AM PST on August 24


Comment noticing that everything is italic.
posted by Huh! at 11:05 AM PST on August 24


Comment noticing that everything is italic.
posted by LookeeThere at 11:06 AM PST on August 24


Comment noticing that everything is italic, but using five exclamation marks!!!!!
posted by Whoa!!!!! at 11:07 AM PST on August 24


Comment closing the italics tag
posted by </i> at 11:07 AM PST on August 24


Comment closing the italics tag.
posted by Eep at 11:07 AM PST on August 24


Comment closing the italics tag.
posted by iceberg273 at 11:06 AM on August 24, 2001

Haiku missing
incomplete blue page
pondering metafilter
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 11:06 AM on August 24, 2001

Apology for nitpicking, but pompous correction of insignificant grammatical error or word misusage.
posted by argybarg at 11:11 AM on August 24, 2001

Comment from an oldie, trying but failing to appear to be attuned to the latest meme, that also isn't funny.
posted by normy at 11:12 AM on August 24, 2001

comment questioning fellow MeFi member's unoriginal nickname.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:13 AM on August 24, 2001

Zippity comment.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:13 AM on August 24, 2001

Quibbling query as to why this wasn't posted to MetaTalk
posted by skyscraper at 11:14 AM on August 24, 2001

apology for stealing catch phrase comment.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:15 AM on August 24, 2001

Request for pancakes.
posted by ColdChef at 11:15 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

opps.

sorry your dog died!
posted by Hackworth at 11:17 AM on August 24, 2001

link to Onion article, posted in such a way that the community at large wonders whether poster actually understands that it's a joke.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:18 AM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

disgruntled comment about signal/noise.
posted by skyscraper at 11:22 AM on August 24, 2001

righteous indignation
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:23 AM on August 24, 2001

a href="http://www.messeduplink.com>bad html
posted by remlapm at 11:24 AM on August 24, 2001

Sadness at MetaFilter's one-joke antics, lack of depth and self-absorption.
posted by timothompson at 11:28 AM on August 24, 2001

link to refreshing, new site, getting everyone so energized that they spend the remainder of the day glad that they're alive in this time and this place (archive search doesn't seem to turn up examples...)
posted by skyscraper at 11:29 AM on August 24, 2001

post intended for a different thread.
posted by donkeysuck at 11:30 AM on August 24, 2001

apology for previous post that was intended for a different, prior thread.
posted by donkeysuck at 11:31 AM on August 24, 2001

Off topic remark causing a schism in conversation that is never completely resolved.

Apologises in earnest self-deprecating manner for off topic remark.
posted by lucien at 11:33 AM on August 24, 2001

post from webmaster of the original link, accepting MetaFilters critique and telling them to kiss his ass.
posted by schlomo at 11:34 AM on August 24, 2001

Rephrasing of previous comment added so that poster might feel "hip" and with "it". Impact on discussion - nil.
Tiny footnoot text added to increase legitimacy.
posted by aladfar at 11:36 AM on August 24, 2001

Pointless notification of community that "Use of facts to supply a sense of intellectual superiority in an emotional conversation that will ultimately have no constructive purpose in the long run, but will possibly engage interest for the rest of the workday" will unquestionably be the name of my new 'blog. Bravo to Spoonfed.
posted by ryanshepard at 11:36 AM on August 24, 2001

Attempt to make intelligent comment which everyone else ignores.
posted by feelinglistless at 11:37 AM on August 24, 2001 [2 favorites has favorites]

Baby jesus usually cries right now
posted by tj at 11:38 AM on August 24, 2001

incoherent rant about how the poster is being excluded from MetaFilter because Matt doesn't like the way he spells, followed by 50 posts offering to show up at original poster's house with a copy of "Mavis Beacon Teaches Spelling".
posted by skyscraper at 11:39 AM on August 24, 2001

Blanket statement affirming that Bush is indeed stupid.
posted by UncleFes at 11:50 AM on August 24, 2001

Post suggesting that this sort of post (i.e. one which, in my opinion, has no real significance) belongs on Plastic.
posted by Octaviuz at 11:55 AM on August 24, 2001

Comment about the good ol' days on Usenet.
posted by Chief Typist at 11:56 AM on August 24, 2001

KITTIES!!!!!!!!!
posted by bargle at 11:57 AM on August 24, 2001

a senselessly long rant that must have taken 20 mintues to compose. rant includes: personal experiences, weeping for the future, angst towards qulity [sic] of metafilter posts. rant also references semi-obscure historical events that demonstrate that the ranter is well-read.

in the meantime three posts have made exactly the same point in a fraction of the words.
posted by o2b at 11:58 AM on August 24, 2001

a senselessly long rant that must have taken 20 mintues to compose. rant includes: personal experiences, weeping for the future, angst towards qulity [sic] of metafilter posts. rant also references semi-obscure historical events that demonstrate that the ranter is well-read.

in the meantime three posts have made exactly the same point in a fraction of the words.
posted by o2b at 11:59 AM on August 24, 2001

opps [sic]
posted by o2b at 11:59 AM on August 24, 2001

self depreciating comment lamenting double post.

self justifying comment that url in original post does not work and/or is different.
posted by will at 12:00 PM on August 24, 2001

Inappropriate complaint of gas pains
posted by Dagobert at 12:01 PM on August 24, 2001

Observation that this conversation should probably be taken to Metatalk
posted by UncleFes at 12:03 PM on August 24, 2001

Another link to bonsaikitten.com.
posted by GirlFriday at 12:04 PM on August 24, 2001

Follow-up observation that someone already mentioned the whole "moving to Metatalk" idea.
posted by UncleFes at 12:06 PM on August 24, 2001

Inappropriate blaming of Ralph Nader for the situation. Hand wringing about the effect on the children.
posted by swell at 12:09 PM on August 24, 2001

All your thread belongs to...
posted by dagny at 12:09 PM on August 24, 2001

wishing it was ice cream day.
posted by modge at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001

metametametafilter comments.
posted by swerdloff at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment from someone who create a new username for the occasion.
posted by Drowning In In-Jokes at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

Troll!
posted by Marquis at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2001

Link to related article on another site.
posted by moss at 12:11 PM on August 24, 2001

Can you tell its Friday?
posted by mmm at 12:12 PM on August 24, 2001

*laughs*
posted by baby satan at 12:14 PM on August 24, 2001

Accusation that original poster is not, in fact, a 16 year old girl from Kansas.
posted by Mid at 12:21 PM on August 24, 2001

Exhortation to form a lynch mob to seek out and destroy the original poster
posted by briank at 12:23 PM on August 24, 2001

Insistence that this thread should never have started (double-post, self-link, no link in original post, etc.) and is not worthy of discussion, despite the fact that this comment is, like, the sixty-eighth.

Think about it!!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:24 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment implicitly noting that my user number is lower than most of yours, therefore I must be better.
posted by zempf at 12:25 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment tangentially-related to the original post but then focusing on a thread-derailing political agenda (Choose one: racism, sexism, Bush, National Missle Defense, Middle East, Microsoft, DMCA, other)
posted by fooljay at 12:33 PM on August 24, 2001

Post questioning the absence of obligatory waffle reference.
posted by DBAPaul at 12:35 PM on August 24, 2001

Reference to Hitler, followed by reference to Godwin's Law.
posted by zempf at 12:36 PM on August 24, 2001

Request for a pony.
posted by trox at 12:37 PM on August 24, 2001

Declaration of this thread being closed
posted by kokogiak at 12:39 PM on August 24, 2001

cold-hearted, inhumane quip linked to story of death by misadventure offends resident drama queens.
posted by quonsar at 12:39 PM on August 24, 2001

Apology for noting that posted haiku has only 16 syllables and self-deprecating (albeit self-righteous) remark that poster might not know all there is to know about haiku but does know what he likes.
posted by idiolect at 12:40 PM on August 24, 2001

The webby awards suck.
posted by justgary at 12:43 PM on August 24, 2001

petition to stop original poster mob madness, dubbed "save will".

affirmation that original poster is neither 16, a girl nor from kansas.

lament (repetative use of wording to indicate failed attempt at intelligent communication) for the "good 'ole days" of mefi (tacitly exclusionary insider terminoligy).
posted by will at 12:44 PM on August 24, 2001

Concerned about the fact that this entire thread has been derailed to discuss something completely unrelated to the original post, I now write a long, impassioned, well-reasoned paragraph on the subject this thread was supposed to cover. Why do I bother? Perhaps I am subtly insinuating that I am better than all the posters who were unable to confine their comments to the original subject. Perhaps I feel sorry for the creator of the thread -- who was clearly interested in generating discussion about the linked story -- and I am trying to help him out. Perhaps I am just anal, and simply cannot stand to see us discussing B in a thread designed to discuss A. For whatever reason, I have decided that it is my personal duty to quash all off-topic discussions here, and single-handedly restore order to this rapidly degenerating talk. I shall do so by writing a paragraph of such size that it leaps out at all those scrolling down the page, thereby reminding everyone that comments in this thread should be confined to the original topic, and the original topic only.

Oh and by the way, here's a throw-away one-liner summarizing my opinion on the other topic, which effectively negates all my efforts to get this thread back on track.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:47 PM on August 24, 2001

joke in form of question in attempt to alleviate hostilities on the board, which incurs wrath of all posters regardless of previous disputes.
posted by adampsyche at 12:48 PM on August 24, 2001

Rentamob.
posted by skylar at 12:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Why, that's Calvinism!
posted by Dirjy at 12:54 PM on August 24, 2001

overly reasoned argument obviously being made (by benefit of a liberal arts education) without having actually read either the original link or any of the block long paragraphs preceding my own.
posted by elsar at 12:54 PM on August 24, 2001

Wait, there was already a post about him and Hobbes. Oops, too slow.
posted by skyscraper at 12:56 PM on August 24, 2001

helping verb
posted by adampsyche at 12:58 PM on August 24, 2001

impassioned plea to matt to step in and control the madness with the most reasonable comment in the thread, most likely reminding us of the guidelines and bringing us back to the true spirit of mefi and perhaps finishing with a wish to go back on vacation.
posted by will at 12:59 PM on August 24, 2001

Get them.

(Figures Bison would pick the dumbest picture of me in the world to link to...then again, figures I'd share that oh-so-wonderful "Ta ta!" pose with the world...)
posted by solistrato at 1:04 PM on August 24, 2001

solistrato = odd hammy man?
posted by skyscraper at 1:12 PM on August 24, 2001

At the mention of Calvinism *starts dancing*
posted by tj at 1:13 PM on August 24, 2001

At the mention of Calvinism *starts peeing on trucks*
posted by o2b at 1:17 PM on August 24, 2001

Late post making the same argument as 37 previous posts, because poster didn't have time to read the whole thread.
posted by binkin at 1:18 PM on August 24, 2001

Metallic clicking sounds followed by whirring noise, as numerous stainless steel blades extend from forearm. Flies into the air. Fights injustice.
posted by Hildago at 1:19 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint/congratulations that o2b one-upped me
posted by tj at 1:19 PM on August 24, 2001

obligatory 1142 comment
posted by tj at 1:20 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment with a lot of exclamation points!!! And emoticons :D :( :) ;)
posted by binkin at 1:22 PM on August 24, 2001

previously quibbled and (possibly unnecessary) metatalk thread regarding this post.
posted by will at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2001

Realization that thread became inexplicably popular while he was on break, followed by attemped witty/insightful comment in an effort to build reputation as "MetaFilter regular" and not miss out. (Kaycee thread, anyone?)
posted by tweebiscuit at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2001

Isn't the odd hammy man a new snaswich from Denny's? (oops sorry.. screwed up nonsequitir)
posted by tj at 1:24 PM on August 24, 2001

I wouldn't say I'm hammy...perhaps venison-esque...maybe lamb...garnished with veal and proscuttio. (sic)

I've officially derailed.
posted by solistrato at 1:27 PM on August 24, 2001

CAN WE STAY ON TOPIC, PLEASE!!!!!!
posted by will at 1:29 PM on August 24, 2001

Just-trying-to-be-helpful post which states the obvious. We need more Portuguese posters.
posted by shinybeast at 1:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Post flaming above poster for shouting about staying on topic because we are all individuals and we can talk about whatever we damn well please and who are you to tell us not to? Besides, your exhortations to stay on topic aren't on topic, anyway.
posted by binkin at 1:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Late post making the same argument as 37 previous posts, because poster didn't have time to read the whole thread.
posted by mrbula at 1:32 PM on August 24, 2001

Attempt to call attention to self, which will summarily be ignored.
posted by frykitty at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint that Hildago is close-minded and does not understand injustice. metalic clicking sound becomes louder and skyscaper whimpers in fear
posted by skyscraper at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2001

I am hammy no more.
posted by solistrato at 1:33 PM on August 24, 2001

...Then attacked for plagiarizing an earlier poster...
posted by mrbula at 1:35 PM on August 24, 2001

Note that we're over 100 posts, then complain about thread loading slowly...
posted by mrbula at 1:36 PM on August 24, 2001

off topic and useless personal anecdote: i once had a hampster named hammy.
posted by will at 1:36 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint about this thread being a waste of precious, precious bandwidth.
posted by will at 1:38 PM on August 24, 2001

here ya go, shinybeast: Portugese poster
posted by skyscraper at 1:38 PM on August 24, 2001

post admonishing previous poster for trying to control of the conversation with link to previous thread in which they too had been accused in the same fashion
posted by feelinglistless at 1:46 PM on August 24, 2001

comment referencing previous post that is five pages above this one, and which you will never find
posted by JParker at 1:48 PM on August 24, 2001

off topic haiku
inspired by this and this
superhero sandwich
posted by otherchaz at 1:48 PM on August 24, 2001

comment describing the belly ache i have from laughing at all of these posts...
posted by phunkone at 1:51 PM on August 24, 2001

Raging and pathetic diatribe about how the world has sunk into a quagmire of doom because people don't know how to spell hamster.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:51 PM on August 24, 2001

post correcting speling error in previous post
posted by JParker at 1:53 PM on August 24, 2001

spelling
posted by JParker at 1:53 PM on August 24, 2001

A glib and useless remark existing solely to riff on 'Attack of the Clones'.
posted by Perigee at 1:55 PM on August 24, 2001

post contemplating reserving the domain name "9622.org"
posted by machaus at 1:56 PM on August 24, 2001

I once had a pet hamper... my parents didn't trust me with animals
posted by tj at 1:56 PM on August 24, 2001

Announcement that a Yahoo Groups site has been created for this thread. Obsessively to lessen Matt's bandwidth, but in reality only diluting the discussion.

Thread 9622 Group
posted by y6y6y6 at 1:56 PM on August 24, 2001

Does anybody know what happened to that girl with cancer? Her weblog seems to be down.
posted by swell at 1:57 PM on August 24, 2001

post congratualting tj on inducing spit-take form unsuspecting Kafkaesque.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:59 PM on August 24, 2001

chuckling on the sidelines (and late, natch) seemingly acquiescent and harmless newbie-post with a hint of treating regulars much like doddering grandparents, or hampsters.
posted by spandex at 2:00 PM on August 24, 2001

Post reminding self not to refer to self in 3rd person.

And to preview posts so self doesn't spell "from" wrong.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:00 PM on August 24, 2001

post noting that I'm post # 125 !!!
posted by JParker at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2001

Okay, this thread's really long, so I can't read it all, but isn't this a doublepost?
posted by Marquis at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2001

mpost noting that my life is now complete
posted by tj at 2:02 PM on August 24, 2001

post quipping "I'm pretty sure it's become a Moebius post."
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:04 PM on August 24, 2001

Worst. Thread. Ever.
posted by trox at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2001

post noting that trox is being a buzzkill
posted by tj at 2:07 PM on August 24, 2001

Hopelessly late comment because newbie wants to be part of the cool crowd.

Mission Failed
posted by plemeljr at 2:07 PM on August 24, 2001

Final post, after which MH ends or deletes thread due to its pointlessness or offensiveness.
posted by ParisParamus at 2:08 PM on August 24, 2001

complaint that dirjy stole my line/took the words out of my mouth/statement about 'great minds think alike'.

not so sneaky insertion of self-plug.

webmaster yells at poster.

poster accepts blame and prays for death.
posted by jcterminal at 2:11 PM on August 24, 2001

Bleating, obsequious milquetoast thanks to Matt for allowing us to use this forum – in truth, his forum, his alone – and for not selectively deleting individual posts or banning ungrateful users, who obviously deserve what they get.
posted by joeclark at 2:13 PM on August 24, 2001

Complaint that this thread is so over, but posts comment anyway, and then rambles on over and over and over so as to slow down page load time.


Please think of those on 56k!!!
posted by plemeljr at 2:13 PM on August 24, 2001

ANAGRAM: UNSUSPECTING KAFKAESQUE SPIT = FAKE SPASTIC GENIUS QUEST, PUNK.
posted by swell at 2:13 PM on August 24, 2001

Post pointing out earlier post was tongue-in-cheek rather than some lament about metafilter was better in the good old days.
posted by trox at 2:15 PM on August 24, 2001

What is the longest thread ever on metafilter? Does anyone know? This one must be coming somewhat close.
posted by bytecode at 2:17 PM on August 24, 2001

Sarcastic retort to previous toadying by joeclark, followed by identification of Matt as member of elitist cabal.

Suggestion of violent penetration to be visited upon members of perceived weblog elite.

Summary statement in which poster swears he wouldn't join above mentioned cabal if they got down on their knees and begged him.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 2:20 PM on August 24, 2001

shamefaced identification of spelling errors in previous post.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 2:21 PM on August 24, 2001

thereby proving he's already a member
posted by tj at 2:21 PM on August 24, 2001

Pointless post added in purely because I wanted to be associated with this thread in some tiny insignificant way.
posted by wackybrit at 2:23 PM on August 24, 2001

ÖäÂîmetafilter ÈËÃñÊǶÔÓ¢Óï°²Öá£
posted by th3ph17 at 2:29 PM on August 24, 2001

Post validating wackybrit's need to feel part of something larger than him/herself (with care given to gender-specific pronoun usage), along with an oblique intimation that wackybrit may be suffering from feelings of alienation and potential abandonment anxiety, though in fact the poster is terribly uninformed about psychology in general, and thinks the anonymity of the internet gives him license to spout bogus diagnoses as long as he uses enough big words.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Babbling comment about how great the Internet is that we can have insightful discussions like this. A compliment to Matt for creating something so useful. Followed by pointless assertion that Microsoft is evil.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:32 PM on August 24, 2001

Completely irrelevant mentioning of Christopher Walken
posted by dagny at 2:35 PM on August 24, 2001

Policy wonk stuff, denoting more facts and some actual research into topic. Conclusion drawn on these facts. Impact on conversation negligible.

Dan? Is that you?
posted by anildash at 2:35 PM on August 24, 2001

would like to point out that monkeys are funny (ok, now I'm just being silly)
posted by tj at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2001

comment made to make poster feel like he/she isn't left out and that they grok all.
posted by physics at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2001

Rock 'n' roll high school...forever!
posted by Mark at 2:41 PM on August 24, 2001

Post agreeing that tj is just being silly, but pointing out that this is not necessarily a bad thing, and that monkeys are even funnier if they are wearing engineers' caps and smoking cigars.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:42 PM on August 24, 2001

Post. Using. Periods. After. Each. Word. To. Appear. To. Add. Emphasis.
posted by rio at 2:43 PM on August 24, 2001

post noting that Kafkaesque has gotten revenge over previos spit-take incident
posted by tj at 2:45 PM on August 24, 2001

Hypocrites! Hypocrites! You should run over the babies *and* the kittens! post.
posted by keli at 2:47 PM on August 24, 2001

improper use...............of ellipsis
posted by ColdChef at 2:50 PM on August 24, 2001

I'm glad that my months-old MeFi parody has created one of the single most ridiculous threads ever in this board's history. There is irony in here that will go unmined for generations.
posted by solistrato at 2:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Post pointing out that we've been back four days and we've already devolved to this?
posted by darukaru at 2:53 PM on August 24, 2001

New from Denny's: Moons Over solistrato
posted by tj at 2:57 PM on August 24, 2001

comment complaining that poster's nick wasn't parodied, and doesn't anyone listen to poster? while the poster mostly lurks. also, poster tries to make post witty. fails miserably.
posted by sugarfish at 3:03 PM on August 24, 2001

j00v3n1l3 pl34 4 4773n710n + 3xpl0r47!0n 0v <div> tags. ph33r! ph33r!
posted by otherchaz at 3:05 PM on August 24, 2001

Totally off-topic continued exploration of the effects of an unclosed div tag.
posted by otherchaz at 3:12 PM on August 24, 2001

post which

attempts to close the div tag
posted by otherchaz at 3:15 PM on August 24, 2001

Totally off-topic continued exploration of the effects of an unclosed div tag.
posted by otherchaz at 3:12 PM on August 24, 2001

nader?
posted by fakeplastic at 3:26 PM on August 24, 2001

Nadir maybe.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:28 PM on August 24, 2001

Yet AGAIN, Star Wars has CHANGED my LIFE! As I sat in front of my computer a short time ago, I felt a twinge of cold. As the temperature began to drop DOWN, DOWN, DOWN like a rock thrown into a well. At first, temptation shouted for me to wrap a blanket around myself, to refuse the chill of the cold, the sharp edge of it's caress. But then I recalled the glory of the Yuuzhan Vong. I allowed the icy air to STAB AT ME. I EMBRACED THE COLD ~ and was _empowered_ by it. Another lesson learned and another step closer to transcending my existence as crude matter.
posted by bargle at 3:32 PM on August 24, 2001

funny as hell. accurate to boot.
posted by fishfucker at 3:39 PM on August 24, 2001

</ thread>
posted by terrapin at 3:40 PM on August 24, 2001

poster complains this is a 'non-story', impressing only himself.
posted by jcterminal at 3:48 PM on August 24, 2001

Hijack thread, use it as personal weblog:

As I was walking home this evening, a little girl was riding her bike in
the middle of the street. She still had the training wheels on as she
wobbled and struggled to peddle. It reminded me of when I was little
and how badly I wanted a bicycle but couldn't get one. My parents
wouldn't let me have a bike until I was 12; my mom was too afraid I'd
hurt myself. I'd pass the bike section in the store and just look, having
given up asking my parents about it long ago. I eventually did get one
after much pleading and begging. Amazingly, getting my driver's license
at 16 and the subsequent borrowing of the family car passed without
incident.

posted by thirteen at 3:55 PM on August 24, 2001

Bellybuttons.


Reading this thread is like stareing into your own for far too long.
posted by Jeremy at 3:56 PM on August 24, 2001

confusion at having seen this before on k5 and imagination of seeing it on mefi but not being able to find it.

relief at other posters finding said threads and pointing them out.

disgust with self for not being able to find them.

disgust with self for participating.

ultimate self loathing for verbose attempt at snarkyness
posted by mutagen at 3:58 PM on August 24, 2001

Hijacking hijacked thread, for another personal weblog:

It reminded me of the time I was walking home and was almost hit by this crazy 16 year old driver who apparently had borrowed the family car. As I picked myself up out of the gutter, brushing off old cigarette butts and discarded coffee-cup lids, I thought to myself: "I just bet one day that same 16 year old driver will post to a community weblog that their driving escapade passed 'without incident'"
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:59 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment giving the Objectivist viewpoint on the thread topic.
posted by mw at 4:13 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment slagging Ayn Rand as a writer of turgid prose, whose "philosophy" is laughably simplistic.
posted by mw at 4:15 PM on August 24, 2001

Last poster closes the thread!
posted by dagny at 4:26 PM on August 24, 2001

Link to today's "Family Circle", which shows Little Billy's path around the neighborhood as he tries to follow this thread
posted by skyscraper at 4:30 PM on August 24, 2001

obnoxious bastard reopens the thread.
posted by jcterminal at 4:31 PM on August 24, 2001

poster complains about 'not being fast enough'.
posted by jcterminal at 4:31 PM on August 24, 2001

Are we talking about milofilter? I miss it too.
posted by samsara at 4:34 PM on August 24, 2001

See what I get for sleeping after working all night, I have come to the party late. Ah, well at least I made it.
posted by bjgeiger at 4:34 PM on August 24, 2001

perhaps lintfilter?

Because the first thing that pops into my head when I think "lintfilter" is giant strawberries in the bay.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:43 PM on August 24, 2001

Correct use of HTML markup.

Nonetheless producing unwanted whitespace.

Awaiting gormless correction to “bluespace.”

posted by joeclark at 4:48 PM on August 24, 2001

A post that wonders what the longest thread on Mefi is, despite previous similar queries.
posted by daveadams at 4:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Post proudly announcing that this is my 100th post.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 4:56 PM on August 24, 2001

Rosebud!
posted by Chief Typist at 5:00 PM on August 24, 2001

casual post which attempts to sum up all other posts that went before it into one carefully constructed, highly condensed philosophical statement thereby serving to not only divert all attention to postee whilst giving others the solid impression that he/she is in fact their natural born leader who now owns them, but also in illustration of such amazing superiority wastes no time in backing up their rightful claim to such a status by subliminally emphasizing that it took everyone else nearly 200 posts to reach his/her guru like level of inherent awareness on the thread in questions abstract (to them) subject matter and that it was all just irrelevant now anyhow with it being such old news these days and that everyone else would have just had to have been there at the time to ever really know that. which of course they just weren't. and neither was he/she, but they don't know that. and which, when examined from a psychological perspective, would be the underlying cause for him/her posting in such a tone to begin with.
posted by Kino at 5:02 PM on August 24, 2001

Comment giving the Objectivist viewpoint on the thread topic.

Snide and rude comment saying that the previous poster should leave such comments to the experts.
posted by fooljay at 5:02 PM on August 24, 2001

A quick followup post because the author is too careless to include all of the information in the first comment
posted by fooljay at 5:03 PM on August 24, 2001

A completely useless second followup usually with some sort of smiley at the end :-)
posted by fooljay at 5:04 PM on August 24, 2001

reposts post so as to be sure everyone viewing in the same font size as them knows it wasn't him/her who did something slightly different with their formatting and therefore frowned upon amongst MeFi clique elites.
posted by Kino at 5:07 PM on August 24, 2001

casual post which attempts to sum up all other posts that went before it into one carefully constructed, highly condensed philosophical statement thereby serving to not only divert all attention to postee whilst giving others the solid impression that he/she is in fact their natural born leader who now owns them, but also in illustration of such amazing superiority wastes no time in backing up their rightful claim to such a status by subliminally emphasizing that it took everyone else nearly 200 posts to reach his/her guru like level of inherent awareness on the thread in questions abstract (to them) subject matter and that it was all just irrelevant now anyhow with it being such old news these days and that everyone else would have just had to have been there at the time to ever really know that. which of course they just weren't. and neither was he/she, but they don't know that. and which, when examined from a psychological perspective, would be the underlying cause for him/her posting in such a tone to begin with.
posted by Kino at 5:08 PM on August 24, 2001

realizes that not everyone is viewing in same font-size as them and makes a joke about it so as for it to be overlooked and for him/her to be able to regain favor amongst aforementioned elite.
posted by Kino at 5:11 PM on August 24, 2001

A post detailing how a change in government policy to suit my pet political issue would solve this problem entirely and make this discussion moot.
posted by daveadams at 5:14 PM on August 24, 2001

Did anyone see that Wil Weaton has a weblog?
posted by mikel at 5:19 PM on August 24, 2001

ooglies!
posted by Satapher at 5:19 PM on August 24, 2001

*




*useless bandwidth sucking image.
posted by jcterminal at 5:31 PM on August 24, 2001

makes a post detailing how all party politics is just bollix anyway and explains that no matter what people do it's always just the same people in charge before trying to offer a glimpse of his/her own cool hedonistic 'wackiness' by saying fuck 'em all and lets all just do a Nero and party whilst Rome burns.
posted by Kino at 5:33 PM on August 24, 2001

hopes that nobody realized he/she injected 'Nero' and 'Rome' into the equation solely to offer the illusion that they did indeed have a good education, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, and that they in fact made a fully informed decision to embark on their choice of lifestyle after careful consideration of all the other options available.
posted by Kino at 5:37 PM on August 24, 2001

Paul is dead!
posted by fakeplastic at 5:47 PM on August 24, 2001

.:Kilroy wasn't here:.
posted by riffola at 5:48 PM on August 24, 2001

points out that the bandwidth sucking image was the product of a goopy rmx on Fipilele, and that you really aught to see it, making sure he/she anagrams the word so as to appear in the know about everything.
posted by Kino at 5:50 PM on August 24, 2001

An apathetic post complaining about apathy in young/old/minority/majority/country/history.
posted by skallas at 5:53 PM on August 24, 2001

yawn
posted by crunchland at 5:59 PM on August 24, 2001

*yawn*
posted by machaus at 6:01 PM on August 24, 2001

post intended to keep thread at top of every user's screen.
posted by tewedle at 6:02 PM on August 24, 2001

This thread may be the closest thing to a method for determining # of active Mefi posters.
posted by ParisParamus at 6:12 PM on August 24, 2001

post filled with spite and rage which ends on the dramatic note that user threatens to quit MeFi (again)
posted by Kino at 6:12 PM on August 24, 2001

Post where solistrato receives marriage proposal.
posted by fujikosmurf at 6:34 PM on August 24, 2001

Post defending previous Haiku post, including link to HAIKU TECHNIQUES by Jane Reichhold
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 6:52 PM on August 24, 2001

Post suggesting that, since my username ends with "Z", perhaps we could STOP now; certain to be followed by a comment from zempf, pointing out that if a Z could have closed the thread, he would have ended it long ago.

Also likely to bait someone to protest the exhortations to close the thread, soon to inspire another link to a MetaTalk thread.
posted by Zettai at 7:06 PM on August 24, 2001

Doesn't this belong in MetaTalk?
posted by mrbula at 7:15 PM on August 24, 2001

Post down here toward the end where I get miffed at ljr, shortly thereafter followed by a comment from holgate, followed by another from ljr and then me, and then ljr, and then after eight posts holgate, followed by people commenting at the last second to no one in particular, except the metafilter community and the Internet at large and perhaps a deity of their choice.
posted by raysmj at 7:21 PM on August 24, 2001

Post making sure that Bush has been blamed...

... called stupid... referred to by name but no more... nope.

Bush sucks. All his fault. Impeachment Now! Off in search of other entertainment.
posted by whatnotever at 7:29 PM on August 24, 2001

John 3:16
posted by Hankins at 8:07 PM on August 24, 2001

Poster commits messy suicide in despair at length of thread.
posted by darukaru at 8:22 PM on August 24, 2001

Post complaining about how some Mefi users just don't get the point of this thread and keep posting things that clearly don't fit in with the overall tone.

Snarky one-liner to ease the tension followed by a smiley. :)
posted by daveadams at 8:35 PM on August 24, 2001

yet another newbie expressing a desire to be part of the cool crowd and begging to be noticed. see the smiley face? --> :)

<mumbled under breath>yeah, like I've ever been part of any cool crowd since the beginning of time.</mumbled under breath>
posted by epersonae at 9:03 PM on August 24, 2001

Post utilizing irc "/me" style action structure to simulate the throwing of a dodgeball at previous poster.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 9:06 PM on August 24, 2001

post utilizing /kick action to make the page load quicker
posted by Kino at 9:22 PM on August 24, 2001

inane one-liner relevant to initial post
posted by mb01 at 9:29 PM on August 24, 2001

slightly disturbing non-sequitor.
posted by jcterminal at 9:50 PM on August 24, 2001

Ditto.
posted by phichens at 10:00 PM on August 24, 2001

POST IN BLOCK CAPITALS FOR ADDED ANNOYANCE FACTOR.
posted by Kino at 10:22 PM on August 24, 2001

This is the first sentence of this comment about this post. This is the second sentence. This sentence informs you that the second sentence was wholly plagiarized from This Is the Title of This Story, Which Is Also Found Several Times in the Story Itself. This sentence informs you that the next sentence is also plagiarized. This is a sentence that provides an ending to the first paragraph.

Slagging Objectivism and John Galt before its first comma, this first sentence in a new paragraph starts out by slagging Objectivism and then redundantly makes reference to that fact. This sentence has a link but does not explain what the link is in reference to. This is the final sentence of the paragraph which ends by proclaiming, "Baby, I've got your Wil Wheaton link, right here!"

This is the last sentence of this comment.
posted by otherchaz at 10:51 PM on August 24, 2001

Sheepish remark about being late to the party in attempt to look like regular poster (as opposed to regular lurker, which would be more accurate).
posted by swerve at 11:24 PM on August 24, 2001

Obligatory complaint that Metafilter is getting too crowded. Support theoretically provided by un-called-for slagging of particular posters for adding to thread noise and making problem even worse, though slagging is couched in unfailingly polite language nevertheless recognizable as a dig. Additional links provided that have tangential relationship to original topic but raise more questions than they answer. Still more links provided indicating that poster has spent far too much time obsessing over the importance of this one response in an enormous thread, though karma-whoring habits from /. die hard. Hope expressed that future discussion will ultimately come up with a solution that will please all, though when spoken aloud this sentence will remind one mainly of Rodney King.

Final note recognizing an earlier poster who was particularly funny as the incarnation of General Zod or another appropriate deity.
posted by dhartung at 11:36 PM on August 24, 2001

racism

I can't believe you said that!
posted by sudama at 1:04 AM on August 25, 2001

A supremely confident know-it-all post indicating that the following post is true..
posted by Kino at 6:31 AM on August 25, 2001

A too-smarmy-for-its-own-good post indicating that the previous post is false.
posted by Kino at 6:32 AM on August 25, 2001

A-post-that-uses-far-too-many-hyphens-to-show-it's-much-smarter-than-the-previous-two-posts-and-not-at-all-intimidated-by-them.
posted by Kino at 6:36 AM on August 25, 2001

A renegade post quite notable for its devoid of hyphen status <--- even though it really could do with a few that just doesn't care in the least what anyone thinks of it and consists almost entirely of comments making it clear that it doesn't.
posted by Kino at 6:52 AM on August 25, 2001

Three word comment.
posted by waxpancake at 9:13 AM on August 25, 2001

A potential award winning thesis of a 3000 word post by an expert in the field that fully analyses all of the issues at hand whilst also making the effort of going to great pains to keep it in simple laymens terms so everyone can benefit but which nobody reads or responds to anyway.
posted by Kino at 9:53 AM on August 25, 2001

Isn't Baby Jesus supposed to put in a cameo and cry?
posted by kokogiak at 10:36 AM on August 25, 2001

Post expressing mild annoyance with the whole Baby Jesus thing, which a couple of months earlier would have been a mildly humorous note posted in a sort-of "we'll just play along" fashion.
posted by raysmj at 11:36 AM on August 25, 2001

Post asking dude, where's my car?
posted by Marquis at 11:42 AM on August 25, 2001

An off the wall, qwerky-esque post stating 'dude, i didn't know your car had died' posed in such a way so as to not cause any undue friction, whilst still giving the impression i'm part of some kind of clique, but without going so far as to be punctuated with an emoticon.
posted by Kino at 12:14 PM on August 25, 2001

Missing the old days of this thread before I had seen, and had my life changed by: Mongo, Indiana.
posted by tj at 1:13 PM on August 25, 2001

The last post made by someone arriving late, and trying to get the last word in.
posted by mkn at 2:50 PM on August 25, 2001

In desparation for attention, rarely seen member launches into account of drying towels with the back of donkey.
posted by davidgentle at 2:52 PM on August 25, 2001

# 244: Just goes to show that we're much more interested in making fun of ourselves than discussing. How very Derrida of us.
posted by zpousman at 4:04 PM on August 25, 2001

Post mentioning the fact that it's my birthday today.
posted by ookamaka at 5:30 PM on August 25, 2001

Post mentioning the fact that my birthday is 5 months away.
posted by azazello at 6:02 PM on August 25, 2001

Witty post about self-referential, self-replicating parodies. Digression about how nicely this fits with my current reading about memetics. Snobbish closing words.
posted by Iosephus at 6:07 PM on August 25, 2001

Comment pointing out the Matt hasn't commented on this thread yet, and wondering if maybe he doesn't approve, in which case I hereby completely disavow any association with the thread. I think it's dumb. Unless, of course, Matt thinks it's OK. Then I find it hilarious.
posted by jpoulos at 7:50 PM on August 25, 2001

Moo post.
posted by jragon at 2:14 AM on August 26, 2001

250
posted by bytecode at 9:02 AM on August 26, 2001

post lauding my user number over 10.070 freakin newbies who ruined the place
posted by Mick at 1:55 PM on August 26, 2001

feelingthepressue
posted by feelinglistless at 3:01 PM on August 26, 2001

Maliciously belated post several days later, when no one's paying attention and I can get the last word in.
posted by brownpau at 1:52 AM on August 27, 2001

Like hell you can.
posted by Optamystic at 2:16 AM on August 27, 2001

annoyed request for moratoriums on moratoriums. fnord!
posted by adampsyche at 4:20 AM on August 27, 2001

post 256. noting that the horse is now dead AND severely beaten
posted by tj at 9:30 AM on August 27, 2001

post noting that it is in fact with a whimper and not a bang.

*whimper*
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:16 AM on August 27, 2001

/me pantses Wil Weaton.
posted by jcterminal at 2:36 PM on August 27, 2001

I blame the lack of monkeys
posted by tj at 3:42 PM on August 27, 2001

I blame The Romans. I mean what have they ever done for us?
posted by feelinglistless at 4:14 PM on August 27, 2001

*Sets mode to -Wil Weaton
*Sets mode to +m
*Sets mode to +v monkeys
*Sets mode to +b !romans@*.it
*Changes topic to "100%*hotchimps*mp3's*freebananas*warez*freebananas* freebananas*warez*Comeget'em!!!!!!!!"
posted by Kino at 4:17 PM on August 27, 2001

Post suggesting that this thread becomes the new 1142 even though member has no clear idea what 1142 really is let alone whether another one is needed, or indeed possible.
posted by davehat at 9:56 PM on August 27, 2001

Do I get to claim last post? Last Post anyone? Going once, going twice....
posted by kokogiak at 8:23 AM on August 28, 2001

No, there can be no last post
posted by tj at 9:25 AM on August 28, 2001

trite pop culture reference

"It's a bug hunt man! GAME OVER MAN!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:58 AM on August 28, 2001

dammit Kafka! the quote is:

"No way man, that's it-- game over, man GAME OVER!"
posted by tj at 12:49 PM on August 28, 2001

post noting that I'm checking up on this thread like it is a child to see what kind of strangeness it is up to now
posted by tj at 12:51 PM on August 28, 2001

Post made after everyone has stopped caring and stopped posting.
Made by newbie with retarted name that only he thinks is funny, tries
to look smart
and
cleverly poetic
by useing the enter key too much.
posted by fuq at 1:43 PM on August 28, 2001

smarmy yet curt correction to fuq's misspelled word.

"using" not "useing"
posted by kokogiak at 9:55 AM on August 29, 2001

post noting that I am now a 9622 junkie
posted by tj at 11:50 AM on August 29, 2001

you're not the only one, tj.
posted by ColdChef at 11:54 AM on August 29, 2001

post telling kokogiak that I useed teh spelcheker and I alwaze use th speelcheccer evey tyme i post.

stoopit spel kheckr must hav mised that werd.
posted by fuq at 1:02 PM on August 29, 2001

Post opining that fuq was right in his previous assessment of himself. With a side of apologizing copiously to tj for misquoting. I think all the years of MST3K have resulted in crossed synapses.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:55 PM on August 29, 2001

post alluding to something that never happened.
posted by fuq at 2:35 PM on August 30, 2001

Slightly vacuous post attempting to rally the troops and take this thread up into the 500+ zone.

go team!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:19 AM on August 31, 2001

Over? OVER? Nothings over until WE decide it is.

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
HELL NO!
Germans?
Forget it. He's rolling

AND IT AIN"T OVER NOW!!!
posted by tj at 11:03 AM on August 31, 2001

I'm not sure, but that may be the first time Animal House has been quoted on MeFi
posted by tj at 11:04 AM on August 31, 2001

Post decrying posters that follow up their own posts, along with an unsupported declaration of certainty that Animal House has, indeed, been quoted before on MeFi.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 1:01 PM on August 31, 2001

sorry, had the thought after I got jumpy on the post button, too much caffeinne today.
posted by tj at 1:37 PM on August 31, 2001

Face it, folks. We've been abandoned. Ain't nobody here but us chickens.
posted by ColdChef at 2:53 PM on August 31, 2001

Post loudly berating ColdChef for his incredibly insensitive and offensive characterization of the noble chicken. Weak attempt to link this chicken commentary with both the recent PETAphilia occuring on the front page and the smear attempt on that most respectable of fowl by the hated El Pollo Loco fast food chain.

Insincere promise to seek counseling.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:28 PM on August 31, 2001

newbie sticking irrelevant comment in, trying to get the last word. newbie hopes that being up since 3am EDT should deflect criticisms, but has sinking suspicion this won't pass.

=yawn=

why are we here again?
posted by meep at 6:17 PM on August 31, 2001

Contrite for picking on chickens. Apology to the peckers and pullets of the world. Tee hee hee for saying "pecker and pullet."
posted by ColdChef at 10:44 PM on August 31, 2001

Good Night, Irene
posted by tj at 11:12 PM on August 31, 2001

damn, I wasn't SERIOUS.
posted by tj at 1:25 AM on September 3, 2001

Ha. A post subtly implying a tone of 'welcome back-ness' without saying the actual words. Cuz that'd just look 'wussy' and tread on the postee's 'cool'.
posted by Kino at 1:37 AM on September 3, 2001

nice, Kino, if I were less of a man, I'd challenge that... but to those who know truth, "it's all good"
posted by tj at 1:47 AM on September 3, 2001

Apparently I am less of a man....

anyway, here I will tell all, mainly because I don't give a shit if I'm considered cool or a drunk(and who is still reading this thread anyway???).

I came home friday night extremely drunk, after checking my mail I thought it would be funny (to me, anyway) to post an overly dramatic/tinge of truth sort of post, since I was taking off for the weekend... to be quite honest, I thought no one would take notice, after all I'm no one around here. Iguess I'm important enough for a few people to call me a drama queen at least.

I think most people missed the point, but whatever, I'm not Matt and it's not my site... so I don't feel the need to police anyone about anything, it's just not my place.



PS: Kino, how easy would it be to just start a new account, and not have to put up with BS like that if I wanted? baby buddha comes to mind
posted by tj at 2:09 AM on September 3, 2001

*smiles*
posted by baby buddha at 2:13 AM on September 3, 2001

[Turns into a little Japanese man and mutters...] Aharrr... There is often more truth in what people don't say than in what they do, baby buddha. Silence is deafening until listened to with attentive ear. Words unspoken carry substance hid deep beneath flames of blazing nightfire obscured until daylight comes. Wise warrior always carry a torch [Disappears in a cloud of smoke]
posted by Kino at 3:11 AM on September 3, 2001

impatiently hit post twice.
posted by fuq at 2:17 PM on September 4, 2001

impatiently hit post twice.
posted by fuq at 2:17 PM on September 4, 2001

Silence is deafening until listened to with attentive ear. Words unspoken carry substance hid deep beneath flames

That's wrong because if you realize that if one focuses on the true meaning of the Hagacure, taking into account it's very nature (being that it was put together not as a guide to living, but as a novelty) and divide that by the circumference of Pi, taking into account the O'Rielly Factor...[continues in that manner for several hundred words]...so, in conclusion, "9622" is not the number of this string, but a satanic message pointing to the location of the lost dutchman's mine, meaning that I'm sorry I hit "post" twice. Self-link.

Notes that string has gotten off-topic. Ironically blames newbies for this.
posted by fuq at 2:31 PM on September 4, 2001

Post which inquires about the identity of the aforementioned Irene and substitutesGood night, Ned.
posted by Octaviuz at 1:12 PM on September 6, 2001

Post crying out with faux-shock that people are still posting/reading to this time-waster of a thread (but actually serving as a clever attempt to get in the last word).

Sign-off with a pithy, yet tame insult to all losers who have read this far.
posted by kokogiak at 2:06 PM on September 6, 2001

Post intimating that the secret unknowable name of God can be found in a prime-number pattern running through this thread.

Quiet suggestion that it might be Steve

k
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:10 AM on September 10, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

Steve is not happy about being named.
posted by kokogiak at 2:07 PM on September 12, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

this is still going on?

[desire for last word]
posted by mkn at 11:19 PM on September 13, 2001

yes it is.

[beating a dead horse]
posted by ColdChef at 6:21 AM on September 14, 2001

Post making sure this thread doesn't go more than 3 days without a new post.

[horse unceasingly fails to move]
posted by davehat at 9:03 PM on September 16, 2001

Post wondering if this is how terrorists communicate before vowing to rid the web of abstract lengthy threads by smoking them out of their holes and relentlessly pursuing them.

[spots another three horses with human bodies come galloping out of nowhere and remarks on how he wasn't aware Princess Anne had that many kids]
posted by Kino at 10:30 PM on September 16, 2001

Intimation that previous post was a long way to go for a Princess Anne joke.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:54 AM on September 17, 2001

Last word!
posted by zempf at 7:14 PM on September 18, 2001

Denial of Last Word. (Thbbbpt!)
posted by kokogiak at 9:07 PM on September 18, 2001

Vague conjecture that this is not the beginning of the end, but is, perhaps, the end of the beginning [of post 9622].
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:27 AM on September 19, 2001

Ahem.. I said, LAST WORD.
posted by zempf at 8:45 AM on September 20, 2001

what was that?
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:44 AM on September 20, 2001

(This makes me think of being an adolescent, hanging on the phone, talking to someone who I had a crush on, and who was crushing back, how we would finish a long conversation and say "g'bye" "bye", and neither one would hang up, just hang there, listening silently to hear if the other had hung up first. After about 10 seconds I'd hear "Are you still there? Hang up!" "No you hang up"... devolving into silliness like we have above.)

"Are you all still there? Hang up!"
posted by kokogiak at 11:05 AM on September 20, 2001

Are you saying you have a crush on me? If so, I'm flattered, but I don't think my girlfriend will take to kindly to it. Anyway, last word again. Really, this time.
posted by zempf at 11:10 AM on September 20, 2001

Drunken post proclaiming post 9622 to still be a party, because as anyone can see, there's still chips and dip left.

"I ain't leavin, Officer!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:11 AM on September 20, 2001

It must have been a party. My head hurts and the carpet is squishy and stinks of stale beer.
posted by kokogiak at 3:09 PM on September 20, 2001

useless comment aimed at keeping 9622 at top of page for those who sort by recent comments, in order to quell the spate of WTC links.
posted by machaus at 2:37 PM on September 22, 2001

another useless comment, but I would like to point out that we still need more monkeys. (and I'm sad because my pet hamper died)
posted by tj at 10:12 AM on September 25, 2001

Post offering condolences on the death of tj's hamper. Solemn oath before assorted deities to do my best to include at least 20% more monkey content in all my posts.

monkey monkey monkey
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:45 PM on September 25, 2001

Munky. Hamper.
posted by kokogiak at 12:31 AM on September 26, 2001

OH MAN! Kafka, did you know that you're my hero?

Redneck monkeys may be funnier than the ones wearing engineer hats and smoking cigars
posted by tj at 11:29 AM on September 26, 2001

Monkees?
posted by ColdChef at 2:41 PM on September 26, 2001

Non, Le Singe et les deux Anes
posted by kokogiak at 9:50 AM on September 28, 2001

Xenophobic post demanding that kokogiak post in English and insinuating that, since he posted in French, he probably has a tendency to surrender with almost no provocation. Unfortunate giveaway post revealing non-French speaker is just paranoid that kokogiak is, in fact, making fun of him.

painfully embarrasing personal revelation that I had 12 years of French in school and yet was mostly unable to communicate in France, except to say "Une boite Gitanes s'il vous plait". Merde!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:18 AM on October 1, 2001

post wondering if anyone is still reading this.

inane comment in case anyone still is

//frustration at not having come sooner

?
posted by rorycberger at 11:47 AM on October 1, 2001

Neale-esque post continuing the joke beyond all reason and good taste.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 4:24 PM on October 1, 2001

yet another false claim of last post
posted by rorycberger at 1:05 PM on October 2, 2001

yet another false claim of last post
posted by rorycberger at 1:05 PM on October 2, 2001

yet another false claim of last post, but knowing in the depths of his heart that someone will come and pick up the torch.

oh, can't forget the monkey
posted by tj at 1:27 PM on October 2, 2001

Post suggesting the music might possibly swell to an inspirational creschendo as Friend to All Children, Kafkaesque, swings in on an incongruous vine, picks up the torch, and then just kind of dangles there, waiting for divine inspiration.

Could someone give me a push please?

oh, gratuitous and inexplicable pictures of bush babies with mrginally demented captions added for no good reason.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:13 PM on October 2, 2001

Ahem...

Once upon a time for dinner table tennis anyone who wants to can leave home for the first time table setting sun down by the old mill stream of consciousness was lost and found in the heart of jesus christ in a sidecar-load of groceries for less price is right makes might I say that you look lovely evening don't you think out loud music is ear damaging influences on children of all ages old story that begins simply tear off here you are ma'am can I suggest these earrings are simply divine inspiration giving up hope to see you sooner or later than you think I'll go to bed time stories for real readers of newspapers and television are wrecking my kid you not old boy oh boy meets girl school is out for the summer time blues guitar string me along by the skin of my teeth and gum your food basket ball is in your court now then how do you explain that is what I wanted to talk to you about time you got here you go down to the store your cans in a safe place your hands on the television star in your own movie house your pets in a dry spot the whales off the coast down the hill and put on the brake light your own way down yonder in the land of cotton and acrylic blend the eggs into the flour lightly touch the tip of your nose around a little bit of a problem solving trick all of your friends and family photo finish your supper dish out what you can take back that insult your neighbor came over for a cup of coffee grounds for divorce your wife swapping one for the other men don't act that way beyond your wildest dreams of youth and love to have you down to the office sometime later that same evening star light star bright young man of the house on Carroll street sweep away your fears for a future nation of idiots on parade marshall your own camp-fire girls let's do it once again from the top of the hat rack of rib your buddy system failure is grounds for withholding tax man in the moon probe around in the dark areas of clearing with cloudy skies later than never say never again you ask me for a raise your hands up high so I can see them off the wall hanging is an acceptable punishment for others crimes of the soul music for the hard of hearing impaired night vision quest for fire in the hole in the center of the donut shop around the mulberry bush men or mice in laboratory experiments in fear of the number thirteen in a baker's dozen eggs easy side up the stairs to your left hand in hand over your gun him down in cold blood on your hands of God is dead men tell no tales of the unexpected visitor from another planet Earth men decide their own fate is to die a slow death comes with many faces in the crowd around everyone and listen to a story that ends happily ever after.

Thank you.
posted by kokogiak at 8:58 PM on October 2, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

wow, that is unassailably cool kokogiak
posted by rorycberger at 9:28 PM on October 2, 2001

jaded comeback to kokogiak:

"Yeah, that's what they all say."
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:06 AM on October 3, 2001

If you're familiar with the area around NYU (or even if you're not, I suppose), there's a little hole in the wall called Boo Radley's--or at least there used to be, I haven't been there in years. There, the tables were covered in butcher paper, and there were crayons in a cup. My friends and I would write out long, collaborative, ale-assisted streams of consciousness--four of us standing up and rotating around the work, in a musical-chairs-kind of way, taking turns adding to the stream.

It was fun stuff, even if the stories we'd write always read much better while we were drunk. I still have one of them, packed away somewhere.

Thanks, kokogiak, for bringing that memory back to life.
posted by jpoulos at 11:05 AM on October 3, 2001

In fairness, I have to say the above screed was written by me many years back - I stumbled across it a few weeks ago and thought I'd share. (Awww).

Oh, and by the way "Last Post!"
posted by kokogiak at 12:10 PM on October 3, 2001

Post in which the author calls upon the reader to imagine, if he/she will, the poorly affected Irish accent of Brad Pitt in that IRA Harrison Ford movie, which the author himself did not actually see:

"By no means is it over"

mumbled apology occasioned by nagging doubt that that wasn't even the right quote.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:13 PM on October 3, 2001

ahem.. that movie is: The Devil's Own. I can't help it, I'm a movie geek (IMDB is for lightweights). It runs in the family um, is posting a link in this thread to my brother's book, a self link?

And nothing about that movie was memorable.
posted by tj at 7:07 PM on October 3, 2001

Has anyone else seen this MetaFilter parody? I'd love to comment on it, but I think everyone else might want to as well.
posted by kokogiak at 9:17 PM on October 3, 2001

Attempt to allude to that Memento movie and somehow make a joke about how poster lost ability to make memories around post #237, which sound good at its inception but now just sort of sputters

and falls



flat.

*smarmy ps hoping for extra points for concrete-poetry structure*
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:40 PM on October 3, 2001

There is no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing,
So the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes, the danger must be growing,
For the rowers keep on rowing,
And they're certainly not showing,
Any signs that they are slowing!
posted by tj at 7:57 AM on October 4, 2001

Is the Grisly Reaper mowing?
posted by kokogiak at 9:33 AM on October 4, 2001

Ah, when I was an infant, my mother used to sit me on her knee and sing me to sleep with the happy strains of "Is the Grisly Reaper Mowing"

*memories, like the corners of my mind*

btw, I bet if the Grim Reaper was mowing he'd have a stupendously badass Ride-In John Deere with headlights (so he could mow at night if he wanted to) and twin overhead cam with dualies and flames painted on the sides.

vroom!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:12 AM on October 4, 2001

*cough*

Last post.
posted by zempf at 12:59 PM on October 4, 2001

Zempf again cries "Last post!"
Then thread deteriorates
into shitty haiku

the horse transgresses
way beyond death by flogging
now begins to rot

kafkaesque wasting
his valuable work hours
typing these dumb lines
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:24 PM on October 4, 2001

What was that URL again? Can you spell it out for me...
http://www.llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.com/
http://www.thelongestdomainnameintheworldandthensomeandthensomemoreandmore.com/
posted by kokogiak at 4:36 PM on October 4, 2001

hey, i haven't had a chance to delve through 1142, but is it as ridiculously self-consciously endlesss as this thread is? or did people just have that much to say?
posted by rorycberger at 6:52 PM on October 4, 2001

cry in the darkness
ninety-six-twenty-two stands
pointless and alone
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:53 PM on October 4, 2001

Pointless but not altogether inappropriate inquiry as to whether or not TV's Wil Wheaton has been freed yet.
posted by brookedel at 3:24 AM on October 5, 2001

So, you are asking whether Free Wil exists or not?
posted by kokogiak at 7:45 AM on October 5, 2001

Free Wil Wheaton in every box of Shredded Mini-Wheatons.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:27 AM on October 5, 2001

"You load six Whea-tons and whadda you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt/
St. Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go/
I owe my soul to a thread that won't slow..."
posted by ColdChef at 9:58 AM on October 5, 2001

"I been referencing Wil Wheaton
Goin downtown
Alluding to Wil Wheaton
Whew! I'd like to step down!

Lord! I am so tired!
How long can this thread
Go ooooooon?

Five o'clock in the mornin
I'm postin before the sun
When my workday is over
I haven't got any work doooone!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:25 PM on October 5, 2001

Bombs are falling. People are dying right now. Too bad about the Emmys, eh?
posted by kokogiak at 1:37 PM on October 7, 2001

outraged comment complaining about making a joke out of people dying
posted by rorycberger at 5:48 PM on October 7, 2001

outraged comment that everyone keeps bring up the WTC
posted by rorycberger at 5:51 PM on October 7, 2001

Outraged comment, rife with moral indignation, demanding a return to silliness. This serious turn WILL NOT STAND!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:26 AM on October 8, 2001

Oh roar a roar for Alice, Nora Alice in the night:
For she has seen Aurora Borealis burning bright!
posted by kokogiak at 12:12 AM on October 9, 2001

Again zempf declares,
but this time in haiku form:
"This is the last post!"
posted by zempf at 7:13 AM on October 9, 2001

no last post for you
i still want to talk some more
end will never come
posted by rorycberger at 9:34 AM on October 9, 2001

firecracker firecracker sis boom bah!
9622 rah rah rah!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:57 AM on October 9, 2001

"no comment from me," so quoth will.
and of comments i'd had my fill.
but my cries of "last post"
went ignored by most
and today they are commenting still.
posted by zempf at 10:10 AM on October 9, 2001

When haiku takes a back seat to limericks
Then of hope there's not even a glimmer it's
like passing the time
looking for rhymes
to a bastardly tough word like limericks.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:05 AM on October 9, 2001

But K, haiku's so overdone;
that five-seven-five's just no fun.
Can you think of a way
that's better to say
that the battle for last post I've won?
posted by zempf at 11:17 AM on October 9, 2001

Zempf, I think that you'll have to agree
That the poems have made others flee
So keep your jabs terse
In all forms of verse
And concede the last poster is me
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:03 PM on October 9, 2001

Zempf, I think that you'll have to agree
That the poems have made others flee
So keep your jabs terse
In all forms of verse
And concede the last poster is me
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:04 PM on October 9, 2001

doh!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:05 PM on October 9, 2001

There once was a post 'twas made twice,
and so I will try to be nice:
To save you the trouble
of again posting double,
concede last post per my advice.
posted by zempf at 1:53 PM on October 9, 2001

Although I've kept quiet, on side
I have listened to comments, all snide
Can't we all just agree
More posts mean more glee
And away with the silly, let's ride...
posted by ColdChef at 2:30 PM on October 9, 2001

Or, if you prefer:

Dead horse is beaten
But the force of the lashes
Makes tiny movement
posted by ColdChef at 2:42 PM on October 9, 2001

the cold chef returns
wielding haiku poem
adding spice to thread

zempf is once again
denied smallest victory
for his last post hopes

in the cold blackness
posters scream out silently
but no-one listens
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:38 PM on October 9, 2001

Go Indians.

Last post.
posted by zempf at 5:04 PM on October 9, 2001

large ascii-art with Bender saying "last post", and then in smaller letters "so kiss my shiny metal ass"

small-font subscript aknowledging the fact that this is also poster's first post to the thread
posted by signal at 5:36 PM on October 9, 2001

Ah, but it's good to have some signal in here to compete with all the noise.

Damn am I funny.
posted by zempf at 7:24 PM on October 9, 2001

The rough ploughman coughed - deep in thought, he walked through the alleys of Marlborough - earlier he had fallen into a slough while eating dough .
posted by kokogiak at 8:53 PM on October 9, 2001

yellow card to kokogiak for using all possible pronunciations of "ough".

Don't let it happen again, son.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:33 PM on October 9, 2001

Sorry, soughn.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:33 PM on October 9, 2001

Dejected post, mumbling criticism of kafkaesque (damn him for having hard-to-type username) - soccer/son references should be kept to Sigur Ros thread.
posted by kokogiak at 9:11 AM on October 10, 2001

So any guesses as to when we'll catch up to that other thread?
posted by zempf at 9:36 AM on October 10, 2001

hey, i haven't had a chance to delve through 1142, but is it as ridiculously self-consciously endlesss as this thread is? or did people just have that much to say?

(1) yes.
(2) you don't delve through 1142. you live 1142.
posted by iceberg273 at 9:43 AM on October 10, 2001

Why do people dress up their pets?
posted by tj at 10:09 AM on October 10, 2001

The important question here is, who's going to go set up 9622.org?
posted by zempf at 10:37 AM on October 10, 2001

believe it or not:

Organization:
iCause
Celeste Wroblewski
6621 N. Washtenaw Ave.
Chicago, IL 60645-5003
US
Phone: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]

Registrar Name....: Register.com
Registrar Whois...: whois.register.com
Registrar Homepage: http://www.register.com

Domain Name: 9622.ORG

Created on..............: Mon, Nov 29, 1999
Expires on..............: Thu, Nov 29, 2001
Record last updated on..: Fri, Jun 02, 2000

Administrative Contact:
iCause
Celeste Wroblewski
6621 N. Washtenaw Ave.
Chicago, IL 60645-5003
US
Phone: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]

Technical Contact, Zone Contact:
Register.Com
Domain Registrar
575 8th Avenue - 11th Floor
New York, NY 10018
US
Phone: [phone]
Fax..: [phone]
Email: [e-mail]

Domain servers in listed order:

DNS13.REGISTER.COM 209.67.50.208
DNS14.REGISTER.COM 209.67.50.209



It expires next month! Any takers?
posted by signal at 10:55 AM on October 10, 2001

9622.com is also, taken, as is 9622.net. how about 9622.box.sk?
posted by signal at 11:01 AM on October 10, 2001

Aw, that's depressing. Who would've thought that 9622 would be so popular? The worst part is, despite the fact that it was registered nearly two years ago, 9622.org still features a register.com "Coming Soon..." page.
posted by zempf at 11:07 AM on October 10, 2001

suggestion that the "9622.org" debacle could be proper launching pad for creation of mefi TLD. 9622.mefi?
posted by signal at 11:14 AM on October 10, 2001

I would join 9622.org, but only to make disparaging posts about how crappy it was.
posted by daveadams at 1:46 PM on October 10, 2001

poseurs.
posted by anildash at 7:43 PM on October 10, 2001

Hey zempf, what the hell are you doing over here? We've been missing you!
posted by Avogadro at 9:17 AM on October 11, 2001

Sorry, I just couldn't keep up with the volume of 1142. I still pop in on occasion, only to realize that I've dropped another 20,000 posts behind & I generally get discouraged & decide I should maybe visit when I've got a few days to spare.
posted by zempf at 11:34 AM on October 11, 2001

Okay, so that would make this "9622, the 1142 it's okay to like"?
posted by kokogiak at 12:43 PM on October 11, 2001

Ah! Mr Avogadro. Another innocent 1142er who just happened to wander into 9622.......

tj! Get the rope!

kokogiak! Compose self-referentially non-rhyming poetry!

zempf! make a futile claim to the last post!

It's all falling into place...mwahaha!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:20 PM on October 11, 2001

Monkey on rope, sir!
posted by tj at 5:40 PM on October 11, 2001

or is this looking more like someone (Mr. Avogardo) trying to stage an intervention?
posted by tj at 9:01 PM on October 11, 2001

Quick, buttress self with bats! Beguile all with monkey-charms!

Tonight we run - our sight infrared. White trees flash past - I see the dark cold water in the distance.

Our heads will sizzle... posts will be gets and 200 will be 404.
posted by kokogiak at 9:34 PM on October 11, 2001

seems the mefi cabal at 1142 is taking exception to our fun. they can have their cabal, I prefer to be thougt of as the court jesters of mefi, any comments Kafka?
posted by tj at 10:01 AM on October 12, 2001

Honestly?

If it's a problem, I don't really need to keep being an ass in here. I can be an ass anywhere, as I think I have demonstrated time and again in other threads.

Until then, bar the windows! Fetch the boiling oil! I think I see daveadams coming over the hill with a trebuchet.

Kokogiak! Boiling oil!

tj! Pithy pop culture references!

Quick! We need bad puns! someone fetch UncleFes!

Can no-one save us?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:34 PM on October 12, 2001

(Fiddles with knobs on stove) Dammit... hmm.

(flips through tattered Betty Crocker cookbook)... Ummm.

(Leans head around corner) Hey guys? Is Canola Oil okay? What about just plain vegetable oil?... Guys?

(Shakes head, turns back to stove, grumbles to self) What temperature does Canola Oil boil at anyhow? I guess 400 degrees should probably do it... I hope they don't need more than two cups - and - Hey, if I give it to them in my pyrex bowl, how do I know they'll return it? ...

(stares at bowl) Maybe I shoulda tried olive oil...
posted by kokogiak at 2:27 PM on October 12, 2001

OK, let's move it along people. Nothing more to see here.

*Strings yellow police scene tape around perimeter of thread*

This thread's been sealed.

Back on your heads!

Hmmm. First Kafkaesque is a cop over on 11390, now he's barricading us within the thread. He's on a maniacal roll today. That's it. I'm starting a coup on the inside.

He can take our thread, but he'll never take...OUR FREEDOM!
posted by ColdChef at 3:56 PM on October 12, 2001

posted by jpoulos at 4:02 PM on October 12, 2001

Hey, remember what happened to Mel Gibson, ColdChef. Even now I can see a midget mime pulling out your intestines.

Seriously, I didn't mean to offend anybody. And I certainly don't think I have any more influence, or even as much influence, as most of the people here on MeFi. I wish only to continue in the role of amiable rogue.

If anyone wants to put a bullet in the back of my power-crazed head, here you go.

Look into your heart! I'm prayin to you!
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:49 PM on October 12, 2001

Actually, my call to action was a RUSE to ferret out the disloyal amongst us! You see! I was forever faithful! Let those who joined my rebellion be put to death!

hmmm...noticing here that no one joined me...well...Good!

That means we are all loyal to you, Great One.

for now...


PS Mad Props to you for recognizing my poor "Braveheart" homage.
posted by ColdChef at 5:15 PM on October 12, 2001

No! Listen to me!

YOU ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:18 AM on October 13, 2001

(Chanting together) WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE ALL INDIVIDUALS! WE ARE...
posted by ColdChef at 9:16 AM on October 13, 2001

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of
the world.
posted by signal at 2:02 AM on October 14, 2001

And I am number four hundred. Whoopee!
posted by ColdChef at 1:41 PM on October 14, 2001

And now, for another much needed Monkey-fix. Monkey Sounds.
posted by kokogiak at 3:51 PM on October 15, 2001

Shake your monkey maker.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:29 PM on October 15, 2001

With my mind on my monkey
and my monkey on my mind.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:30 PM on October 15, 2001

You folks make me smile.
posted by Avogadro at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2001

Get your monkey for nothin'
And your chips for free.
posted by tj at 9:33 AM on October 16, 2001

Monkey! Monkey changes everything...
posted by ColdChef at 9:47 AM on October 16, 2001

I don't care too
Much for monkeys
Monkeys can't buy me love.

Actually, monkeys may have bought me love in my younger days. But those records were destroyed when I turned 18, and you can't prove a damn thing.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:37 AM on October 16, 2001

Maybe you'd like some Monkeys catching bananas... and bombs?!
posted by kokogiak at 12:13 PM on October 16, 2001

Gahhh! More monkey!
posted by kokogiak at 12:23 PM on October 16, 2001

That game had a certain zen beauty to it. After about the 200th point though, I was fighting an internal struggle to just let the damn monkeys get blowed up in the interest of moving on with my life, a complex philosophical dilemma we all face in one way or another every day of our lives.

And that's one to grow on.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:28 PM on October 16, 2001

monkey is the root of all evil
posted by rorycberger at 4:58 PM on October 16, 2001

/me charges jpoulos for misspelling my name in the MeTa thread, tacking him before he reaches first base.
posted by Avogadro at 8:55 AM on October 17, 2001

mmmm

shamelessly liberated from misterpants.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:27 AM on October 17, 2001

Ahh, but what you don't realize, AvOgadro, is that I'm not really jpoulos at all! I'm a gorilla in a jpoulos suit! BwaHA HA HA HA...

Wait, wait "CUT!"

I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owner alone on the set)
posted by jpoulos at 12:09 PM on October 17, 2001

Dear sirs and madam

I strenuously object to tone that this thread is taking in diverging from the good old fashioned silliness that we have come to expect and love here in 9622. I mean , I don't eat squirrels, do I? Well, maybe I do.

Admiral Knickers (deceased)

ps And I would further like to assert that there is NO cannibalism in the Navy. And when I say "no" cannibalism I mean, of course, that there is certain amount.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:11 PM on October 17, 2001

I'd like to apologize for Kafkaesque's last comment regarding cannibalism in the Navy, (not to mention his haiku). Those responsible have been sacked.
posted by jpoulos at 8:59 PM on October 17, 2001

And a further update that those responsible for sacking the people who were responsible for both my comment AND my unbearable haiku have been sacked.

In addition the people who coerced jpoulos into such an obstreperous post have been sacked.

As have all of your villages, convents and crops.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:42 PM on October 17, 2001

can I have a sack of monkeys?
posted by tj at 8:30 AM on October 18, 2001

Unavoidably, and possibly unfortunately, tj and all of his monkeys have been sacked. I would like to point out that it is not the position of this company that monkeys should be in sacks, though we are at pains to remind the public at large that if monkeys wish to wear sacks on their little monkey heads, that would be just fine.

Because it's kind of cute and makes them look like little monkey hostages.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:38 AM on October 18, 2001

let my people(meaning of course, monkeys) go!
posted by tj at 9:49 AM on October 18, 2001

Hey man, if I let the monkey hostages go, what's next? Next thing you know I've got to let all the eels go, then the hyraxes. It'd be chaos.

Just think about it, man.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:31 AM on October 19, 2001

mmm... chaos, it's what's for dinner
posted by tj at 10:42 AM on October 19, 2001

Someone should invite Miguel to the party. He could use a little silly.
posted by ColdChef at 12:04 PM on October 19, 2001

/me sides up to the Nutramatic-Primate-Machine, squints at the instructions, pushes the "Monkey" button and puts in some coins. The machine coughs. It splutters. It whirrs for a while, then splutters some more. It continues to do this for about 5 minutes. Finally, a little red light becomes a little green light and a plastic door on the side wheezes up, revealing a creature which is almost, but not quite, the exact opposite of a monkey.
/me groans. "Stupid machine", and goes to see if there's anything to eat in the spaceship.
posted by signal at 12:57 PM on October 19, 2001

One Brownian Motion allusion from you, signal, and you're outta here.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:14 PM on October 19, 2001

Kafkaesque: actually, thre's no need to use old-fashioned methods like brownian motion generators, just line up all the monkeys in front of a bunch of old Olivettis and voila!
posted by signal at 1:21 PM on October 19, 2001

Hey! That better not be a thinly veiled wilwheaton.net reference either.

Not to suggest a momentary topic here or anything, but I tried to read his weblog for a couple of days, and now it just kind of makes me ill. All the sycophantic comments are just creepy.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:49 PM on October 19, 2001

Kafkaesque: it is, as is everything else, a combined Simpsons/Borges reference.

*sigh*. Nobody gets my allusions.
posted by signal at 3:51 PM on October 19, 2001

I have allusions of granduer, or is that delusions? eh, whatever!
posted by tj at 5:54 PM on October 19, 2001

I had a hell of a Brownian Motion this morning after all that beer last night, I tells ya....


::senses he is about to be sacked::
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:31 PM on October 19, 2001

Semprini!?
posted by brookedel at 5:00 AM on October 20, 2001

kn*ckers

and kn*ckers
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:59 AM on October 20, 2001

And by the way, stavros, was that a Newcastle Brownian Motion?

I would recommend your sacking, stavros, but I wouldn't want PETA all up in my Kool Aid.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:01 PM on October 20, 2001

::Crashes through brick wall::

"Ohhhh, yeaaahh!"
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:51 AM on October 21, 2001

Come on, everybody drink the Kool-Aid. Can you guys start though? I want to see if it's um, got enough sugar.
posted by tj at 9:35 AM on October 22, 2001

You know something's happening but you don't know what it is.

Do you, Mr. Jones?
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:34 AM on October 22, 2001

Copious apologies for tired Bob Dylan reference.

Note to self: Do not drink Jasco until AFTER noon next time.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:13 PM on October 22, 2001

Memo to myself: do the dumb things I gotta do...touch the puppet head.

Slight apologies for obscure They Might Be Giants reference.
posted by ColdChef at 1:22 PM on October 22, 2001

Note to self: touch puppet head.

self-reflexive apologies for ColdChef reference.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:09 PM on October 22, 2001

Curiousity about whether 'the puppet head' is a sexual reference.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:18 PM on October 22, 2001

Touch it and see.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:20 PM on October 22, 2001

That's what you say to all the poultry.
posted by brookedel at 10:46 PM on October 22, 2001

I leave this place for a while and it falls into sexual poultry innuendo. Sheesh. You'd think just anyone could wander in here. Nothing Pithy (or even pissy) tonight. For I have survived the Great Family Gathering and must now recover by absorbing all things Internet to make up for a week of Fasting.
posted by kokogiak at 1:19 AM on October 23, 2001

Big Bird? You ain't never seen a big bird, baby.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:26 AM on October 23, 2001

posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:06 AM on October 23, 2001

Lookit the gams on dat baby!

Hello, nurse!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:23 AM on October 23, 2001

I feel all dirty now. Also a little hungry.
posted by tj at 11:45 AM on October 23, 2001

Comment from naive young girl about how scary the "real" world must be if this is what goes on out there.
You guys are weird. But in the land of geeks, weird is good.
posted by nprigoda at 12:55 PM on October 23, 2001

In the land of the geeks, the one-eyed chicken is king!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:54 PM on October 23, 2001

WHAT? Stavros is a penis?
posted by nprigoda at 2:01 PM on October 23, 2001

Naïve young girl, my eye!

I meant nothing of the sort. Get your mind out the gutter and start livin' right.

Hellfire awaits!
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:58 PM on October 23, 2001

Testify!

BTW, we find the term "geek" offensive. Geeks bite the heads off chickens whereas we don't like the phrases "chicken", "head", and "bite" to all be used in the same sentence.* Got it?


* Unless this is the sentence: It bites that Stavrosthewonderchicken hardly ever gets head.)

posted by ColdChef at 3:22 PM on October 23, 2001

sorry, I've already done my penance.
so, if "geek" isn't the preferred term, what is? "omnipotent rulers of all that is good"?
posted by nprigoda at 8:37 PM on October 23, 2001

Or, just "gods" will do.
posted by kokogiak at 9:02 PM on October 23, 2001

cool, I'm all over that. But it will have to be "gods" with a small "g". Just so you know.
posted by nprigoda at 5:32 AM on October 24, 2001

ooh! ooh! can I be the god of Preprocessed pork products, or maybe just processed meat in general?

And lo, there were porkrinds and beef jerky!
posted by tj at 7:46 AM on October 24, 2001

I dub thee Lord of Reclaimed Meat.

Arise sir tj, and go into the world, spreading the message of love and those little hard things that break your teeth and you're not sure whether they're bits of bone or not.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:44 AM on October 24, 2001

Could I be the Earl of Mechanically Separated Chicken?
posted by skyscraper at 9:27 AM on October 24, 2001

ah yes, Beef Jerky can be a fickle mistress...
posted by tj at 9:31 AM on October 24, 2001

I claim Tutelar Spirit Of Those Stupid Mistakes That For A Brief Shining Moment Seem To Be Actually Serendipitous Discoveries Which Will Finally Advance You To The Station You Deserve In Life And Prove To All The Suckers That You're Smarter Than You Look You Just Hadn't Got A Break Yet But Then You Realize It Is A Stupid Mistake After All And It'll Cost The Company Thousands To Fix So You Cover It Up And Blame The New Kid.
posted by signal at 9:50 AM on October 24, 2001

I think I'll go for Earl of Unfortunate Coincidences.

or Patron Saint of Quality Footwear and Erotically Shaped Tubers.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:58 AM on October 24, 2001

Patron Saint of Quality Footwear

*whistle* Spinal Tap reference! Penalty: five yards.

Unless you actually ARE a St. Hubbins.
posted by ColdChef at 11:31 AM on October 24, 2001

I should like to be known hereafter as the god of Pronunciation, with all proper powers granted me to smite heartily those that utter "nuc-yoo-lar", "ax me a question", "alls you gotta do is", and of course ".jif" instead of ".gif"
posted by kokogiak at 11:50 AM on October 24, 2001

The eternal question:

Missour-EE?
Missour-UH?
posted by brookedel at 12:24 PM on October 24, 2001

Hmm

Guess I'd better take Patron Saint of Dead Horses.

or Seahorses.

make it Patron Saint of Wounded Seahorses.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:03 PM on October 24, 2001

"Toe-MAY-to, Toe-MAH-toe." Okay, I can see that.
"Poe-TAY-to, Poe-TAH-toe"? "Poe-TAH-toe?"

Who the phuck says "Poe-TAH-toe Chip?"

(let's call the whole thing off.)

posted by ColdChef at 1:09 PM on October 24, 2001

I say Poe-TEE-toe

and then I start to laugh maniacally until the other diners begin to edge away from me looking at each other worriedly.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:17 PM on October 24, 2001

They're on to us.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:37 PM on October 24, 2001

Tito Tito Tito Tito

Po' Tito.
posted by skyscraper at 2:29 PM on October 24, 2001

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
*sigh*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:40 PM on October 24, 2001

Okay. Some things I must share. Newly discovered Giant Fucking Crocodile! With a great name: Sarcosuchus Imperator.

And, as an additional non-sequitor. What the Hell is this about?
posted by kokogiak at 2:55 PM on October 24, 2001

Or this?
posted by kokogiak at 3:35 PM on October 24, 2001

On cold, foggy October nights you can sometimes see the chill spectre of The Headless Bowler skating on her magic iceskates, deep in the teak forest.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:55 PM on October 24, 2001

Veterinarian Tom Barkham is also owner of Rochester Cider Mill. In his Paint Creek Animal Shelter in Rochester looking at x-rays of a cat but not of the cat he is holding.

AHAHAHAHA! WTF? And this is noteworthy...why?

Way to stay on top of things, yahoo.
posted by ColdChef at 3:56 PM on October 24, 2001

And this is noteworthy...why?

in case people were worried about that cute cat he is holding, of course. such concerned folk will be glad to know that that cat is fine, and that the vet makes cider.
posted by rorycberger at 4:18 PM on October 24, 2001

That's not cider.

And there's a VERY good reason the ol' doc is checking Fluffy's urinary tract.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:22 PM on October 24, 2001

Hey! Speaking of monkeyfucking...

(okay, so nobody was talking about monkeyfucking, but why shouldn't we?)
posted by ColdChef at 4:57 PM on October 24, 2001

They're on to us.

Wow. I've never been one of them before -- always jus' been one of us....


That's not cider.

And there's a VERY good reason the ol' doc is checking Fluffy's urinary tract.

Indeed. The "cider" is in fact Animal Growth Hormone (AGH). And the "cat" whose urinary tract is depicted in the x-ray is pictured here. And Richie Sambora, who saw the whole thing, still hasn't recovered....
posted by mattpfeff at 10:30 PM on October 24, 2001

please, we don't want wil wheaton (theat's right, he doesn't even get capital letters anymore) in here talking about "The Bonge" again.

Are we the indie 1142?
posted by tj at 7:57 AM on October 25, 2001

tj, careful there, to name the Dark One is to summon him.

Welcome to the crystalline waters of 9622, mattpreff. Pull up an ottoman. Put on a bathrobe and a Funky Phantom mask. Later we will be playing tournament backgammon and Stay Alive.

Then the ice weasels come.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:34 AM on October 25, 2001

and beware the licking pig, for it is quick to anger.
posted by tj at 8:46 AM on October 25, 2001

Somebody teach him the handshake :

"1-2-3-4-5-You're great!"

"No, you're great!"

Now, boy, get me an Anthony Michael Hall and tell Elliot Gould to get out of the pool!
posted by ColdChef at 8:51 AM on October 25, 2001

Oh. My. Ummm, well, here. Big Hands indeed - all the better to touch said puppet head.
posted by kokogiak at 10:25 AM on October 25, 2001

Keep on topic, dammit!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:29 AM on October 25, 2001

Hooray! Miguel has finally embraced the wackyness that is 9622, and now I truly fear him
posted by tj at 10:41 AM on October 25, 2001

kokogiak: put your link and mine together and you'll get an idea of why will to milk is fast becoming MetaFilter's most popular tag.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:42 AM on October 25, 2001

I shall form a new Rock and Roll Band. Our name shall be Milton Wilk and the Will to Milk.
posted by kokogiak at 11:06 AM on October 25, 2001

Finally! A woman with the right tools to give me a proper handjob.
posted by ColdChef at 11:12 AM on October 25, 2001

What's everyone going to dress up as for Halloween?
posted by nprigoda at 11:22 AM on October 25, 2001

(fuckedkeyboard.com!)

Bear in mind you'll need a certifiable Goatman as a "roadie", if you get my "drift". May I suggest an acquaintance of mine? Please scroll down if you're serious about this proposition.
I should warn you, though, if you're already working on the PR, that "The Goatman has never been known to hurt or kill a man, but there have been numerous reports of animal mutilations in the area. It seems he prefers dogs..."
If you can deal with this aspect, kokogiak, I think we've got a winner on our hands and are now ready to accept suggestions for the first single.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:24 AM on October 25, 2001

Howza bout "Can't Milk This?"
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:36 AM on October 25, 2001

Dammit, Yahoo keeps moving my favorite. new. pet. (That huge freakin crocodile)
posted by kokogiak at 11:39 AM on October 25, 2001

What's everyone going to dress up as for Halloween?

I'm going as the scariest creature known to man:

a Portuguese "Cult" Writer!

(just kidding, I don't smoke cigars any more)


I'll probably just do what I always do: dip into my girlfriend's closet and expose my transvestite proclivities before repressing them for another year...
posted by ColdChef at 11:44 AM on October 25, 2001

From the link in my last comment:
"The head is made of semi-rigid foam rubber sandwiched between two layers of natural latex rubber. This design gives the head a solid structure to maintain its shape while providing sufficient flexibility to resist breakage if it is dropped."
hee hee... ack, I had too much candy at lunch again.
posted by nprigoda at 11:49 AM on October 25, 2001

halloween party (with people I work with, mind you) I'm going as a prison bitch.
posted by tj at 12:14 PM on October 25, 2001

I'm going as a prison bitch too, th.
Sorry, just biding my time. Hey guys: it's tomorrow already! Keep this going. Only 4 more comments to 500. Persist, brothers and sisters. Otherwise you know our licence will be revoked and we'll die.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:05 PM on October 25, 2001

Dammit: not th, but tj!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:07 PM on October 25, 2001

Miguel...seriously.

It's 4am in Portugal. Get some rest, buddy.

We'll be here when you get up in the morning.

You could "not work on your novel" then.
posted by ColdChef at 8:13 PM on October 25, 2001

*reminisces about monkey content in 9622*
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:26 PM on October 25, 2001

*cough*


(This cough brought to you by ColdChef)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:31 PM on October 25, 2001

I'd just like to say I think I'm getting a zit.
posted by jpoulos at 8:39 PM on October 25, 2001

or a boil. maybe it's a boil.
posted by jpoulos at 8:41 PM on October 25, 2001

welcome back, chickenman!
posted by ColdChef at 8:55 PM on October 25, 2001

I'd just like to say I think I'm getting a zit.

I hope it's not on your _____ ...
posted by mattpfeff at 9:02 PM on October 25, 2001

Put some Witch Hazel on that bad boy, jp.

Unless its growing eyes and teeth. Then you may have a problem.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:09 PM on October 25, 2001

ugh, I've been trying to come up with something interesting to add to this discussion this morning, but I can't. I'm thinking of quitting my job and becoming a barista at Starbucks. Higher pay and better benefits. Plus, their stock is still going up.
posted by nprigoda at 6:12 AM on October 26, 2001

MonkeyMan (since Kafka refuses to free the monkey hostages.
posted by tj at 6:58 AM on October 26, 2001

nprigoda: Sure, we'd all like to get a job at Starbucks, but just don't let your job become your obsession .
posted by ColdChef at 6:58 AM on October 26, 2001

apologizing to stavros for everyone else forgetting that he's in a WAY different time zone as well
posted by tj at 7:09 AM on October 26, 2001

Funny. I just washed in Sidamo and, suddenly, my complexion has never been clearer!
posted by jpoulos at 9:21 AM on October 26, 2001

Can I join the club? What's the initiation like?
posted by thekorruptor at 9:25 AM on October 26, 2001

y'all
posted by signal at 9:26 AM on October 26, 2001

initiation? well... just try to relax, you may feel a little discomfort.
posted by tj at 9:41 AM on October 26, 2001

signal? what does Monique have to do with this?
posted by tj at 9:43 AM on October 26, 2001

Don't worry, korruptor. It won't hurt...much. Most initiates survive the hour locked in a closet with a baboon. And of course we get to make up your new name.

Something about the mouse-shadow in the second moon I think.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:58 AM on October 26, 2001

Ah, this brings me memories from when I was back in the frat. The drinking games, the wooden paddles, the blindfolds, the shee..
oh, wait, maybe I shouldn't tell that story...

So, uh, what are you guys wearing for Halloween?
posted by thekorruptor at 10:09 AM on October 26, 2001

First rule... you must read, son. And Korruptor, I really didn't like Chow Yun Fat in your movie, he was a major letdown
posted by tj at 10:13 AM on October 26, 2001

Hey, welcome thekorruptor, to our little goatfest! No Chomsky here, thank God. Only revelry and stew. So stir the pot, Monique, and let the pygmies jump in...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:17 AM on October 26, 2001

Miguel! How dare you make fun of such a sad, solemn site?

Alas, poor Stinky. I know him well, Horatio...
posted by ColdChef at 11:07 AM on October 26, 2001

Just wanted to step in here for a minute and say that I am enjoying a tasty Crazy Chicken lunch at this very moment, and ending up with a greasy keyboard as a result. Just in case there is an increase in the general flatulence level in the near future, don't say I didn't warn you.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:38 AM on October 26, 2001

Miguel, I must say that you have unnatural goat-thing going on there.
posted by tj at 11:44 AM on October 26, 2001

whoops, make that AN unnatural goat thing, and English is my first language. w00t! (waaaaaayyy too much caffeinne today)
posted by tj at 11:54 AM on October 26, 2001

PGCH Ram Too Amos

This is from ColdChef's link - ewe devil, you! - and it uncannily reproduces, word for word, what a hapless Portuguese computer plumber said to me, this very afternoon, when I had him come over to check why all these goats keep popping up on my screen whenever I snort coffee all over my teclado!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:21 PM on October 26, 2001

K: You may think I'm joking, but I always take great interest in what you're having for lunch. No Togo's today?
posted by jpoulos at 12:25 PM on October 26, 2001

Strangely, I am in fact going to wear my goat-devil mask for Hallowe'en this year. I dig that mask. Got it on Bourbon Street last year. Red and black leather.

By the way, I am now wiping my chin with a moist towelette, a practice which always makes me wonder if my chin is getting cleaner or is just being drenched with chemicals.

[btw, no offense itended, Stavros. Your insane brethren are just so damn tasty though!]
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:35 PM on October 26, 2001

jpoulos, I am afraid I had to abandon Togo's in favor of free Crazy Chicken. I will keep you posted on further gastronomical developments.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:36 PM on October 26, 2001

tj: it'll be a sad, sad day when somebody needs a reason to post a picture of monique.
posted by signal at 12:41 PM on October 26, 2001

by the way, any other Slytherin House members here?
posted by signal at 12:46 PM on October 26, 2001

The prospective pledge slowly opens the door. He walks over to a group of people sitting at a table with colored chips on it. He waits for the perfect moment to begin the insightful conversation;

"So, what ya guys doing, playing cards?"
posted by thekorruptor at 1:14 PM on October 26, 2001

OK everybody! Indianhead poker time!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:39 PM on October 26, 2001

Have a good weekend, guys. I'll miss you! Can someone send me an e-mail whenever the topic changes, just so I can keep on top of things? ;)
posted by nprigoda at 1:44 PM on October 26, 2001

we have topics? keen!

The ante is 2 monkeys and 1 goat.
posted by tj at 1:55 PM on October 26, 2001

waitaminnit I thought we were playing tiddly-winks!
posted by tj at 1:55 PM on October 26, 2001

I'll raise you an echidna.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:01 PM on October 26, 2001

I'll match that and raise you a capabara
posted by tj at 2:05 PM on October 26, 2001

tj i'll see your piddly capabara and raise you 2 castoroides
posted by signal at 2:10 PM on October 26, 2001

Deal me in, here's my Chalicotherium goldfussi. (Careful, he bites)
posted by kokogiak at 2:11 PM on October 26, 2001

this is getting too rich for my blood... I'll see you guys later
posted by tj at 2:13 PM on October 26, 2001

I'm in for a skunk ape
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:15 PM on October 26, 2001

Um. Howzabouta chupacabra?
posted by jpoulos at 2:15 PM on October 26, 2001

I love how they have the outline of the Giant Beaver around the regular sized Beaver. It is helpful in explaining the principle that the Giant Beaver is bigger than the Regular Beaver.

Beaver Beaver Beaver.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:17 PM on October 26, 2001

You're gonna scare off Miguel's goats, jp!

hmm

OK go ahead!
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:18 PM on October 26, 2001

Wasn't that a Dance Craze? "Heyyyy..Chupacabra!" Or maybe it was something I saw on Villa Allegre
posted by kokogiak at 2:24 PM on October 26, 2001

Everybody's doin a
brand new dance now
Come on baby
Do the Chupacabra!

They're suckin down
The goat blood with wild abandon
Come on baby!
Do the Chupacabra!

*I'd also like to point out that my sadly underachieving Yahoo! Fantasy English Soccer team is called The Fightin' Chupacabras
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:30 PM on October 26, 2001

So what's worth more the chupacadra or skunk ape. And, what's that smell anyway?
posted by thekorruptor at 2:33 PM on October 26, 2001

Sorry, Crazy Chicken for lunch.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:34 PM on October 26, 2001

Do the MeFi guidleines allow betting with extinct rodents?
posted by signal at 3:18 PM on October 26, 2001

Only if you let them win.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:34 PM on October 26, 2001

To the tune of Macarena (what isn't, though?)...

A-one and a-two and a-three Chupacabra/
Great big eyes like a mutant chihuahua/
Mexico City, Purto Rico, Nicarauga/

Hey, Chupacabra...

I think that was on Art Bell a-while back.
posted by j.edwards at 4:53 PM on October 26, 2001

j.edwards: *preeeeeeeeet* 30 min penalty for Macarena-reference.

now, if you could actually do the dance, we might let you off
posted by signal at 5:10 PM on October 26, 2001

"Do the Dance!" -- Corey Feldman -- The Goonies
posted by tj at 6:31 PM on October 26, 2001

bonus points to those who can name the dance
posted by tj at 6:31 PM on October 26, 2001

see, it's like betty page, right? and she's like holding a kitty, get it? holding a kitty!!
posted by signal at 8:12 PM on October 26, 2001

Well, I fall down and hurt myself when I do it, but this resourceful individual can help us all out in the long run...
posted by j.edwards at 9:40 PM on October 26, 2001

Hey j.edwards, thanks for the Macarena link. Because that's what the macarena is all about, give your body pleasure.
ewww.
posted by nprigoda at 7:11 AM on October 28, 2001

*ticking*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:45 AM on October 29, 2001

okay, Miguel, here's what you have to do:
do you see the red wire? okay, leave that one alone.
now, grasp the green wire firmly, and chew through it with your teeth.
No, wait, not yet, just let me get behind this bomb-proof wall...
posted by nprigoda at 3:55 AM on October 29, 2001

ok, folks, 50 points to the house of whoever identifies today's web-comic-quotation:

"daaayumn dude, you're starting to grow weeds and shit"

note: said web-comic wasn't necessarily published today, just to make things harder
posted by signal at 9:28 AM on October 29, 2001

Andy Capp?
posted by kokogiak at 9:36 AM on October 29, 2001

Marmaduke?

No, wait! Family Circus?
posted by ColdChef at 9:42 AM on October 29, 2001

cold, cold...
posted by signal at 9:43 AM on October 29, 2001

yes? yes?

Oh, you weren't calling me.

Ummmm...I gotta call ignorance on this one. Any hints?
posted by ColdChef at 11:50 AM on October 29, 2001

  ?
posted by jpoulos at 12:20 PM on October 29, 2001

hint: a small, irate guy, a tall sexy chick who hangs out with him all the time but doesn't give him any, a pig, ninjas, god and the devil.

Anybody?
posted by signal at 1:11 PM on October 29, 2001

Ah! that rascal Ziggy!
posted by tj at 1:15 PM on October 29, 2001

umm duh, sinfest.. let it go, are you one of Ishida's acolytes or something
posted by tj at 1:16 PM on October 29, 2001

(sorry, I'm a little persnickity today)
posted by tj at 2:09 PM on October 29, 2001

that's alright tj. 50 points, anyway :)
posted by signal at 2:35 PM on October 29, 2001

Man! Who's guarding tj?

Brother's got 50 points.

Stay on him! Don't bite on that head-fake!

Screw it, I'm gonna kneecap him.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:23 PM on October 29, 2001

Who the hell stole my bottle?! Damn kids....mutter..mutter...grumble...
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:30 AM on October 30, 2001

feelingpointless
posted by kokogiak at 1:09 AM on October 30, 2001

(in my best Nancy Kerrigan voice)
WHY????? whaaa! Why? why why

umm since I have 50 points, here's your bottle back stavros.
posted by tj at 4:49 AM on October 30, 2001

<drunken mumble>
Thanks mate, i fuckin love you mate..ah where's my shoes...you bastards stole my shoes..i'll just sleep here. mmm pretty #336699...mmm kiss me, mefi. *burp*
</drunken mumble>
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:57 AM on October 30, 2001

that's alright tj. 50 points, anyway :)

If I'm not mistaken, a Whose Line Is It Anyway reference? (Can't have tj up on his high horse for too long, you know.)
posted by mattpfeff at 7:24 AM on October 30, 2001

dude, my horse is a midget shetland pony
posted by tj at 7:39 AM on October 30, 2001

dude, my horse is a midget shetland pony

dude. not cool to brag about having the proverbial pony!

*stamps left foot in frustration*
"it's not fair! it's not fair!"
posted by mattpfeff at 7:43 AM on October 30, 2001

(um, actually it was to say I don't have a high horse- I stopped blowing smoke in my pet's face a long time ago)
posted by tj at 7:47 AM on October 30, 2001

besides, it's been established that I'm not trusted with animals
posted by tj at 7:49 AM on October 30, 2001

i refuse to listen to reason, dammit. you can't make me, you can't make me!

Anyway, does anyone speak Italian? Yahoo news (Italy) has an article we might enjoy (intensely, but for only 5-15 seconds, I guess).
posted by mattpfeff at 8:13 AM on October 30, 2001

As translated by BableFish: If the phase of excitation has been completed without to come disturbed, has beginning the orgasmica phase
dear god! ew, yuck!
posted by nprigoda at 8:21 AM on October 30, 2001

and why, mattpfeff, did this article come up during a conversation about ponies? Hmmm?
posted by nprigoda at 8:47 AM on October 30, 2001

isn't shetland, um, somewhere in Italy? I figured I'd, errm, look into the Italy connection and, ah, well, I mean, I guess I thought this was -- ahem -- more interesting. And stuff.

Besides, I've undertaken a comprehensive study of the Italian culture, the better to understand the devious and devestating connivings of the MeFioso.

(btw, can anyone translate "o in assenza"?!?)
posted by mattpfeff at 9:16 AM on October 30, 2001

Mr Senator, I would like to categorically deny that I had any dealings with the MeFia. If a few trolls here and there had their mouths filled with cement, I was unaware of any such activities. Also, any human remains found in the end zone of Giant Stadium have nothing whatever to do with me.

Fredo! I knew it was you!
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:27 AM on October 30, 2001

I knew it! I'm hanging out with a bunch of Miguelistas! What would my mother think!
posted by tj at 11:10 AM on October 30, 2001

I want a tee shirt that says "Mefioso."
posted by ColdChef at 11:13 AM on October 30, 2001

Miguelista Zapatista

Now THAT is a good band name.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:31 PM on October 30, 2001

It would ruin your sex-life, ColdChef, believe me. Take a look at this historical document and tell me what you hold dearest: mere Mefioso victories, with all the resulting bouts of snarky impotence or permanent wood for all? Occupy the wood! Take all prisoners! From behind, if you must.

(I love this little island - it's the only bit of blue I'm allowed at the moment... ;-(
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:31 PM on October 30, 2001

And let's have no jokes about frigates from you, Kafkaesque.

*He said invitingly, slipping into his taut crimson corsage and whipping the top off a jeroboam of Dom Perignon 1982 with a swift swipe of his trusty sabre, realizing he should never have left this little haven in the first place - and, in so doing, scaring his few remaining friends off...*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:38 PM on October 30, 2001

permanent wood for all

As enticing as that sounds, I think it might get a little old after the first month or so.

And buying pants would be a real bitch too.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:50 PM on October 30, 2001

it's the only bit of blue I'm allowed at the moment

Methinks 'tis only in the grey where foul moods doth threaten to besmirch thy fair name, good cardoso. Nay, fear thee not, thou art welcome throughout these open, blue waters, and thy wise words most beloved in places high and low.


And buying pants would be a real bitch too.

Friend Kafkaesque, shouldst thou find thyself so afflicted, remove thee posthaste to a dressing room; no doubt some kind saleslady would there unpants thee.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:24 PM on October 30, 2001

Nonsensatisfyinginglenook and crannybrookbridge abaft.
Crimsonsets and Marmosets all Silli-Melligiraffed.
I weepywearywoozywalk upout and indown agrasp,
Mainlymostlymonkeymeat appeals - to the eels and the asp.

Now where's my goddam glass of Dom Perignon?!
posted by kokogiak at 8:27 PM on October 30, 2001

it's the only bit of blue I'm allowed at the moment

Methinks 'tis only in the grey where foul moods doth threaten to besmirch thy fair name, good cardoso. Nay, fear thee not, thou art welcome throughout these open, blue waters, and thy wise words most beloved in places high and low.


And buying pants would be a real bitch too.

Friend Kafkaesque, shouldst thou find thyself so afflicted, remove thee posthaste to a dressing room; no doubt some kind saleslady would there unpants thee.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:29 PM on October 30, 2001

now that's pretty dang weird -- I hit /post/ once, waited 5 minutes, and, well, you can see what I then saw....
posted by mattpfeff at 8:33 PM on October 30, 2001

It's a neat trick, mattpfeff. It only works, of course, if you allow another good post to come between yours and the clone. But consider yourself lucky. I can't help hearing kokogiak's ditty to the "My Favorite Things" melody.
And it's Julie Andrews. Still, only 5(or 50?)posts away from 600.

Remember
"Slightly vacuous post attempting to rally the troops and take this thread up into the 500+ zone.

go team!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:19 AM PST on August 31 "?

Brings tears to your eyes, it does ;-)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:06 PM on October 30, 2001

hey, i know that 1142 is infamous, and this one's pretty damn popular too, but what are some of the other threads on mefi with such a cult following? surely there must be more than just these 2!
posted by rorycberger at 9:36 PM on October 30, 2001

I saw a young man
leaning on his woooden crutch
he called out to me
don't ask for so much.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:28 PM on October 30, 2001

Leonard Cohen, "Bird on a Wire", right? Gimme my prize. I want that 600 marker so bad! N.B. But repeat posts are not fair, or fake-double posts à la mattpfeff with a triple chaser in small print, neither. Harrumph.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:15 PM on October 30, 2001

We'll never make it to six hundred.
posted by ColdChef at 4:49 AM on October 31, 2001

That would be impossible.
posted by ColdChef at 4:50 AM on October 31, 2001

I'd like to thank the academy, and all the little people that have made this possible. I'd also like to thank Hahn Brewery, Henry Kissinger, and the number '7'.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:06 AM on October 31, 2001

fake-double posts à la mattpfeff

I do protest! I was sitting there for 5 bleeping minutes, thinking, don't do anything, if you do it'll double-post, don't do anything, wait, wait, wait.... Then, to have that happen, well, it sucked. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I couldn't even make a bowel movement, I was so distraught.

<sarcasm>
And now, this. I can see what you're really saying. I know when I'm not wanted. That's OK. I'll miss this place, but perhaps it's for the best.

*lays trusty Elven Blade and Amulet of MeFioso Protection on table and slowly trudges miserably from sight*
</sarcasm>
;)
posted by mattpfeff at 6:33 AM on October 31, 2001

Who zis usurper wiz long name, mattpfeff? Hahn Brewery what in bleu blazes? Pourquoi Kissinger? Is he...?

*glumly divests himself of extremely temporary cloak, fumbling in the darkness for trusty pair of shoulders; misses ColdChef by an inch; falls flat on nozzle, shaving once bushy eyebrows on the sharp, morning blades of frost-besparkled grass. In last gasp, as autumnal as croaking bullfrogs with heart attacks, throws mantle onto the canny triple-poster, no-bowels-moved-while-u-wait New Pimpernel with the 28k+ connection.
Too old for this shit" is played in the background by a bunch of toothsome widows with hair on their feet.

"Will this ever reach 700?" he gasps, before the prospect of the ninety seven long posts ahead get the better of his loathsomely malfunctioning heart*

(dies)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:38 AM on October 31, 2001

Well, it took a day, but we finally got him.

goodnight, sweet Miguel. And flights of angels sing the to thy rest.
posted by ColdChef at 9:33 AM on October 31, 2001

(dies)

finally some pease and quiet!!!!

(actaully I mean you no harm Miguel, it's just that you are diverting the thread from it Monkey-licious goodness)
posted by tj at 9:39 AM on October 31, 2001

Come on baby
Take a chance with us
And meet me at the back
Of the blue bus

Tangentially, I always have a lurking suspicion that one day I'll get in the bathtub and find one of these little guys in there, a serene look on his face as he relaxes in the steam and uses my shampoo on his little monkey face.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:21 AM on October 31, 2001

Better than finding one of these in your bed though I guess.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:23 AM on October 31, 2001

Well, you know Veterinarian Tom Barkham is still around. Him and his damn cat(s) and the Cider House mystery.

There's something very Stephen King/Thomas Harris about this.

Is there some steganographic code hidden in the image? In the x-rays? In the Cat? Why does that cat stare at me like that? What does "ihpcasirlaxoacbnotchih" mean? It's the first letter of every word in the final sentence of the caption. Deranged minds want to know!
posted by kokogiak at 10:46 AM on October 31, 2001

My theory is that it's actually a howler monkey cunningly disguised as a cat, and that Veterinarian Tom Barkham actually passed away in the late 80s, and "Bobo" has just been using his reanimated flesh to lend an air of legitimacy to his bizarre plans for a howler monkey coup of startlingly epic proportions.

Exactly why he is dressed as a cat and what all that has to do with cider...I'm still working on that part of the puzzle.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:54 AM on October 31, 2001

Ah! The rest of them have been silenced! I have come too close to the truth!

I must be next! Quickly, I make a mad dash for the–

A
a
a
a
r
g
h
!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:07 PM on October 31, 2001

shit, Kafkaesque, you stepped on my foot. Clumsy oaf. Couldn't you see me? Yeah, I wish they'd kept Daylight Savings Time around longer, too, but it isn't that dark yet. Where were you going in such a rush, anyway?

Anyway, I was going to say, I think I may have discovered the cider/veterinarian connection. Not nearly so disturbing as we'd feared....
posted by mattpfeff at 3:39 PM on October 31, 2001

But - the allusion to the cider-vinegar's "germicidal properties" surely makes one suspicious, with all the anthrax freakery going on these days. But just what the hell th cats have to do with it is anyone's guess. The cat is either A) a hand puppet, or B) a cider baron (you remember the good old days of cider barons, don't you?), or C) the above-mentioned howler monkey after some severe plastic surgery.
posted by kokogiak at 3:56 PM on October 31, 2001

Post warning that someone is going for this thread's blood...
posted by feelinglistless at 4:20 PM on October 31, 2001

We need a candlelight vigil for 9622 or something.

Where will the monkeys go without it???
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:49 PM on October 31, 2001

Where will the monkeys go without it???

*proposed safehouse, just in case: it's clean, is easy to remember, and has got plenty of room...*
posted by mattpfeff at 6:07 PM on October 31, 2001

heeheehee. good plan, mattpfeff. They'd never find us there.
posted by ColdChef at 6:12 PM on October 31, 2001

And we'd get free IKEA furniture.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:11 PM on October 31, 2001

Ah. Monkeys. Now I got my mojo working (and I thought you'd like to know)

"Fly, my pretties, fly!"

I just noticed how that scene in "O Brother Where Art Thou" where the boys tumble down the hill smack-dab (almost) into the KKK rally, when they raise their heads above the bush behind which they're lurking to take a peek, well it's a sweet homage to the similar scene in the Wizard of Oz on approach to the castle where the guard-guys are going "Ohh-ee-ohh, ohh-woah"...

Or was this just blatantly obvious to everyone?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:35 AM on November 1, 2001

That was pretty obvious. (okay, maybe 20% of the audience got it)

A little less obvious was the "Busby Berkely" quality of the KKK's dancing. I'd like to think that way off back in the woods, when the Klan gathers, there's a lot less race-hating and a lot more choreography lessons.
posted by ColdChef at 4:46 AM on November 1, 2001

I envision a Klan Ice Capades.

"I could tell he was the leader because he was wearing a contour sheet." – Woody Allen
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:13 AM on November 1, 2001

She is looking for a permanent relationship.
posted by kokogiak at 12:21 PM on November 1, 2001

He is now available....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:40 PM on November 1, 2001

It's so lonely and cold in the safehouse, guys.


can i come back?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:28 PM on November 1, 2001

Have you learned your lesson? Will you change your behavior? No? Good, come on back. Recalcitrant.
posted by kokogiak at 3:24 PM on November 1, 2001

Wheee!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:43 PM on November 1, 2001

I had an English Prof once tell me a great story about him being out for a walk one rainy day with his girlfriend, and when they walked into a field - a sunshower hit them, and he felt the urge to ask her to marry him on the spot. She did. Very romantic(...)
kokogiak: I discovered this comment of yours on the « Older What do you say when it's rain..." thread. What were you on about, man? :-)
But it got me singing("Isn't this a lovely day/To be caught in the rain?")and thinking: wouldn't that be a better safehouse in an emergency? It has potential, lots of space and it's so much nearer...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:30 PM on November 1, 2001

ohmygodandtheykickedmigueloutandhehadtogohangbyhimselfinthesafehouseandohmygodlaterheaskedifhecouldcomebackandhecoouldsohewentwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
posted by signal at 6:17 PM on November 1, 2001

Once again, I declare that flash movie to be the funniest thing since the last really funny thing. No monkeys, though, and monkeys are pretty damn funny. Probably if there were monkeys in that thing rather than squirrels, my head would explode. And no one likes that.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:28 PM on November 1, 2001

[that thing signal said]

thank you, mr. tom woolfe.

[that thing stavros said]

link? I must've missed that one. Oh, and: thank you, mr. wonderchicken. Perhaps should to change your name to "wondermonkey"? (more poetic)
posted by mattpfeff at 6:39 PM on November 1, 2001

[hums the "I wanna post something but I don't know what"song, which is the same as the "Waiting for the elevator" song, but with different lyrics]

mmmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmhhhhmmmmmmmmmm
posted by signal at 10:04 PM on November 1, 2001

who's tom woolfe?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:05 PM on November 1, 2001

sounds like that Crash Test Dummies song, signal.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:06 PM on November 1, 2001

Miguel, be so kind as to show signal the way to the safehouse. He needs a big Time Out for breaking the page and making the evil horizontal scroll-bar appear.
posted by kokogiak at 10:34 PM on November 1, 2001

Shall I put him on the school bus, kokogiak?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:07 PM on November 1, 2001

Well spotted, Miguel. This is the big funny in question, signal.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:19 PM on November 1, 2001

Gonads and strife, gonads and strife...
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:20 PM on November 1, 2001

NOOOO not the school bus, please! Anything but the school bus! [glares at hummingbird that got him into this mess in the first place as the dog ties him to the school bus]

little did they know that adding a hztl scroll bar is just the first part of my dastadly plan, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH

[feigns innocence]
posted by signal at 11:40 PM on November 1, 2001

Time for the Fake MetaTalk Tribunal, where nothing is too trivial, unfair or stupid. To start it off, here's my post of the day:

Duh, is guessing now appropriate now or is it just me?(more)

I know their a lot of new menbras but it pisses me of when I read unescery comentts like "I guess I'll make the one response" like ten ours after ewagoners post...MetaGuess? up yours, pal! I prafer my MeFi neet, if that's OK... ;-D

Comments?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:46 PM on November 1, 2001

who's tom woolfe?

tom wolfe (whose name I myself introduced the misspelling of) wrote this.

Anyone else read it and caught the same vibe off the squirrel Flashimation? I think it's the classic verbal depiction of substance-induced unReality, and, not to mention it makes the schoolbus reference far more meaningful as EAKT is the story of kenkeseyandhismerrypranksters and their alltimegreatestmostphenomenalrideacrossamerica in, you guessed it, agreatbigday-gloschoolbus!!!!!!!!
posted by mattpfeff at 9:03 AM on November 2, 2001

Oh him.

Yeah, I read that, and the Candy-Colored Tangerine Flake Streamlined Baby or whatever it was called. But I lost any interest in him as a writer. Seemed like a hanger-on to pop culture trends and a bit of an ass. I thought it was pretty interesting when they were donating Furthur to the Smithsonian but it turned out to be a fake Furthur.

I prefer Thomas Wolfe.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:21 AM on November 2, 2001

cock-eyed?
posted by mattpfeff at 11:18 AM on November 2, 2001

*TWEEEEET*

Thou shalt not post Britney Spears pictures.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:14 PM on November 2, 2001

kafka: how about fake Britney pictures? those are heaps of fun.
posted by signal at 12:16 PM on November 2, 2001

How are you NSTTs doing? I have not visited here in a long time. Has anyone set up 9622.org yet?
posted by daveadams at 12:36 PM on November 2, 2001

And don't expect me to nstt up.
posted by daveadams at 12:46 PM on November 2, 2001

9622.org becomes available in a few weeks.. I actually was thinking about scooping it up
posted by tj at 12:54 PM on November 2, 2001

and signal.. get in the box
posted by tj at 12:55 PM on November 2, 2001

uhh

NSTT?

is that like thread-squatting?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:03 PM on November 2, 2001

No-Shame-Trash-Talkers?

Nothing-Shines-Til-Tuesday?

Noogie-Savoring-Terror-Triad?
posted by tj at 1:14 PM on November 2, 2001

Noxious Squid Tickling Tornados
Never Say Tubers Tattle
Not So Tiny Tentacles
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:24 PM on November 2, 2001

Nefarious Simian Thinking Tenaciously
posted by tj at 2:38 PM on November 2, 2001

Nutty Squirrel Trains Tangerines
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:41 PM on November 2, 2001

"Nevermore" Sayeth The Taven

What might a "Taven" be? It's an Eastern Norwegian Dialect term for "Raven" (or it might be Tagalog for "idiot who types too much")
posted by kokogiak at 5:07 PM on November 2, 2001

But it's pronounced "Toh-ven".

or "Throat Wobbler Mangrove".
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:23 PM on November 2, 2001

Is silly. Meets with approval. Produce 30,000,000 copies for export. World domination plans proceed as agreed.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:10 PM on November 2, 2001

Hey, watch out for those 4 kids and talking dog in that hippie van coming up the road though.
posted by tj at 10:10 PM on November 2, 2001

/me has the sizzle but not the steak
/me has the boat but not the lake
/me has rooster but not the crow
/me has the ebb
/me has the flow

/me is Big In Japan
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:40 PM on November 3, 2001

It's quiet.








Almost too quiet.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:12 AM on November 5, 2001

LA LA LA THPPPPPPPPTTTTT!
posted by tj at 9:49 AM on November 5, 2001

Git yer shotguns boys, it's a flatulent smurf!

And them's good eatin'!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:22 AM on November 5, 2001

Mmmm...roadkill!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:12 PM on November 5, 2001

The peace and quiet,
shattered by wind most rudely broken,
but now remind us of what once was.
And below the blasts and clamor of the hunt,
A ceaseless hum, a quiet voice:
A server's work is never done.
posted by mattpfeff at 1:19 PM on November 5, 2001

I sit and ponder
I little blue smurf runs by
Then I step on him
posted by tj at 4:09 PM on November 5, 2001

Such evil bodes ill
for the future of human-
smurf relationships

Not to say that I
advocate such relations
with a minor smurf

But hey. If you feel
like swimming in blue waters
Who am I to say?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:29 PM on November 5, 2001

Anyone else catch that unintentional Morphine reference?

Man, I'm so cool you could keep a side of beef in me for a week.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:53 PM on November 5, 2001

skyscraper puzzled
lifting side of beef, looking
for an opening
posted by skyscraper at 5:08 PM on November 5, 2001

You boys take that haiku over to where it belongs, or surely pain and suffering shall follow you all the days of your life.

::imagines inserting side of beef into Kafkaesque, chortles in best supervillain style::

ha. ha ha. mwahahah.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:23 PM on November 5, 2001

take that haiku over to where it belongs

I been there, done that.
Nice place to visit, sure, but
Smells kindah fishy.
posted by mattpfeff at 6:55 PM on November 5, 2001

That mattpfeff has balls
Compared to us hicks
His comment /me recalls
Was number 666...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:00 PM on November 5, 2001

How come the 'Taker never does the job?
posted by jpoulos at 7:22 PM on November 5, 2001

Hey. K snuck in TW lyrics when I wasn't looking! In that spirit:

And the girl behind the counter has a tattooed tear,
One for every year he's away she said,
Such a crumbling beauty,
But there's nothing wrong with her
that $100 won't fix...
posted by jpoulos at 7:24 PM on November 5, 2001

Hey! Put that umbrella out!

No smoking in here!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:29 PM on November 5, 2001

fish? foul? a fine line
when in breaded sticks. smoke
'em if you got 'em!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:05 AM on November 6, 2001

fish sticks: breaded joy
for an unfeeling and harsh
empty universe
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:37 AM on November 6, 2001

fishstick monkey seems to know a lot about Harry Potter
posted by skyscraper at 9:18 AM on November 6, 2001

fishstick monkey? I don't get it, but I like it! How about Monkey Fishstick. Now THAT's a good band name.

oh wait, Fishey Monkeystick is even better. But that sounds kinda dirty.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:34 AM on November 6, 2001

fishstick monkey got a score of 30 (about 3/4 down the page). Google's only hit on "fishstick" and "monkey" appearing together.

And Stinky Mock Fish might very well be the definition of fishstick.
posted by skyscraper at 1:01 PM on November 6, 2001

I think it might be a Hickory Farms gift basket product, much like Beef Stick or Cheese Log, or even, for the more adventurous among us, Cheese Frog (Which sounds like it should be, but in fact is not, a Doors song).
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:42 PM on November 6, 2001

Tearfilled confession that I have no idea what the flying f**k a fnord is.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:54 AM on November 7, 2001

I'd tell you, but you're not cleared for that.
posted by mattpfeff at 11:09 AM on November 7, 2001

I knew it had something to do with Settlers of Cataan. Either that or Settlers of James Caan.

Just not sure.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:26 AM on November 7, 2001

I thought a fnord was a kind of cnar
posted by skyscraper at 11:50 AM on November 7, 2001

or that guy who invented assnembly line.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:12 PM on November 7, 2001

This thread will never die.
posted by Chief Typist at 1:15 PM on November 7, 2001

Kafka, please don't mention that bastard
posted by tj at 2:14 PM on November 7, 2001

I'm too upset to think of anything but the fact that they took www.monpa.com down.

*sob*

My beloved non-primate art! Where have you gone?
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:14 PM on November 7, 2001

art academy for elephants
posted by skyscraper at 5:08 PM on November 7, 2001

kafkaesque ... member of MeFioso? must ... warn ... ColdChe.............
posted by mattpfeff at 7:23 AM on November 8, 2001

What? What? Speak, man! Dear GOD! He's been.....AUGHH!

*thud*

gurgle...gurgle...
posted by ColdChef at 9:19 AM on November 8, 2001

Finally! the plan to get rid of the Miguelistas has begun!
posted by tj at 9:25 AM on November 8, 2001

post expressing great sorrow that people had to spoil a perfectly brilliant self-referential thread with a bunch of non-self-describing banter
posted by moss at 10:30 AM on November 8, 2001

I think someone needs 2 minutes in the corner...
posted by jpoulos at 10:59 AM on November 8, 2001

gone, jpoulos. (Only 2 minutes - is this man a saint or what?) I did, how do you say, close my tabs though. ;-)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:06 AM on November 8, 2001

Pfizer they make Viagra,
Pfaff make sewing machines
But only our Matt Pfeff
ta-ra-ta-ra-ta-ta-tan

(couldn't complete, though toyed with "Is truly full of beans!)

And though Fooljay
Didn't say which day
************
??????????????
(Hey, I'm no Kafkaesque here!)

*Pfor more pfun pfun pfun until the 700 marker comes along, I urge Pfeffistas to consider this, seeing as The Master is something of a mathematician:

Pf(f) = SF(t-1) + RF(t-1); initially PF(1) = PM(1)

The rest, of course, pfollows in the Fox/Mallard tradition.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:34 AM on November 8, 2001

I'd like to take this opportunity to officially apologize to (almost) everyone here. I thought it would be funny and for a while it was. But now I can see the error of my ways. It was a dumb, dumb thing to do and I only wish there was something I could do to take back my thoughtless words and actions. Can we just get back to talking about monkeyfucking?
posted by ColdChef at 11:59 AM on November 8, 2001

*cries*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:15 PM on November 8, 2001

chef, you pulled through too? I was worried there for a moment. I don't know what that was, but they almost had us. *Phew.*

Don't be so hard on yourself, man. Big Mig will be alright. He's just a sensitive type, and when those go bad, they really go bad, you know.... I think the shock of our seeming demise shook the poor fellow, and he hit the dry sherry a little too hard. (A horrific site it is indeed, a Portugese cult novelist armed with dry sherry, WebMonkey tutorials and vile, atrocious, unspeakably bad poetic urges (especially all those alliterations on 'pf', my god!), as we've all seen here. A horror the likes of which mankind has seldom seen....) But he'll be better, once he sleeps it off. Yes, yes indeed. Better -- or, at least, just like before. Poor guy. Tragic, really, it really is.

Meanwhile, any of you guys have the number for Mrs. Cardoso? Someone needs to get MC some help, and pfast.....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:30 PM on November 8, 2001

chef: don't you mean "monkeypfucking"?
posted by jpoulos at 1:25 PM on November 8, 2001

opf course. how pfoolish of me.
posted by ColdChef at 1:31 PM on November 8, 2001

By the way...are we up to 700 yet?
posted by ColdChef at 2:27 PM on November 8, 2001

701 ladies and gentlemen, that's 701. Crazy hats, exotic toiletries and notions, lemurs, wildebeests, chicken vindaloo, and luxury undergarments.

Going up!
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:58 PM on November 8, 2001

Okay, pop quiz class. Mr. K has reminded us that we should all be aware or our toiletries (and other sundry items). Please name the top 5 most-useful (or interesting) exotic toiletries, in order of their invention.

I'll give a quick example to start you all off:

1996: Lemon Bubble-Gum flavored children's toothpaste, for that "eeew" feeling just before you go to bed.
posted by kokogiak at 9:44 PM on November 8, 2001

Ahhh Yes. By the mere mention of Lemon Bubble-gum flavored children's toothpaste, I stop 9622 dead in its tracks for well over 24 hours. My plan worked perfectly.

The thread is mine.

You all want it? Huh? Welll....

LASTPOST.

Thbbbthtpt.
posted by kokogiak at 1:39 AM on November 10, 2001

as if
posted by jpoulos at 9:15 AM on November 10, 2001

Thwarted
posted by kokogiak at 10:56 AM on November 10, 2001

[insert xenophobic right-wing pro-war statement here]

[insert liberal lefty appeaser anti-war reply here]
posted by skylar at 11:47 AM on November 10, 2001

[insert xenophobic right-wing pro-war statement here]

[insert liberal lefty appeaser anti-war reply here]
posted by skylar at 11:47 AM on November 10, 2001

[insert yet another smart ass double post comment here]*


*warning : goatse above. Do not click it. I'm serious here.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:11 PM on November 10, 2001

oh lord.. MY EYES!!!
posted by tj at 12:37 PM on November 11, 2001

last ....










post?
posted by tj at 7:15 AM on November 12, 2001

no...










way.

posted by ColdChef at 9:28 AM on November 12, 2001

talk about thread death -- goatse and last-post posts.... (Simply shocking -- shocking! -- that Brittney is more offensive than goatse, btw.)

Meanwhile, a study has confirmed that there is something men like more than women or chocolate -- women and chocolate.

Next stop, Floor 713. Contents unknown....
posted by mattpfeff at 2:33 PM on November 12, 2001

She looks very happy. So very happy.
posted by kokogiak at 4:01 PM on November 12, 2001

I go out of town for a few days and the place goes to hell.

Thread 9622 was meant to be a house of prayer
but you have made it a den of thieves!

Sing it Jesus!

*yow*

Who are you what have you sacrificed?

~then the piano lid comes down
and breaks his fucking fingers
It's a miracle~

See what happens when you turn 30? Complete nonsensical babbling! Where did I leave those Depends?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:14 PM on November 13, 2001

Stav was in his cups, is why that unmentionable link, he said. I blame Miguel, driving him to the bottle like that. I mean, if drinking that much can make you the #1 cult writer in Portugal, just think what it could do for a guy in south Asia. Alas, Mig failed to warn us of the side effects. He tried, he tried....
posted by mattpfeff at 1:43 PM on November 13, 2001

What are you all on about, treating this as your personal playground? ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:04 PM on November 13, 2001

*gasps* We would never! *heads off to the swingset to sulk, kicks sand at nobody, cries on the merry-go-round.. Thinks an Aqua Park is a good, but odd, but good, idea.*
posted by j.edwards at 12:29 AM on November 14, 2001

*organizes game of Duck, Duck, Goose*
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:26 AM on November 14, 2001

*Refuses to be Goose. Goes off to sulk w/ j.edwards. Thinks better of it - goes off to sulk by self. (You know, at the edge of the playfield, as far from the school as possible while still being on the grounds).*
posted by kokogiak at 9:22 AM on November 14, 2001

oooooh, I just caught the reference. Sly devil, MC. That said, we all really must appreciate that a thread like this one really does make it appear as if we feel this thread is our own personal playground. Whether or not we in fact feel that way (and I think we do, yes, indeed we do, and quite right, too!) matters less than the apparent fact that it appears that way to enough people. ...

*Taps Big Mig on the head, yells GOOOOSE!!! and dashes madly around the Filter, diving into MC's former seat just as MC lunges at him, and, missing, instead goes careening into ColdChef, who, glaring at him, tries to act nonplussed.*
posted by mattpfeff at 10:28 AM on November 14, 2001

*glare glare glare*
posted by ColdChef at 11:18 AM on November 14, 2001

goose
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:34 PM on November 14, 2001

Wow, I know how to clear a room, eh?

Just one obscure Mad Max reference should do.

Salt to taste.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:28 PM on November 15, 2001

*cricket chirp...cricket chirp*
posted by ColdChef at 12:53 PM on November 15, 2001

our good friends have, methinks, ventured too far from the friendly confines of 9622, and got burnt. They realize not that the only thing for them now is to come home, where they are beloved, and much missed. Instead, no doubt, they lurk, and peer from the shadows and ponder in lonely silence remarks they'd like to say but fear they should not. They should! They should! Else, I fear, they will let the terrorists win.
posted by mattpfeff at 1:07 PM on November 15, 2001

Goes off to sulk w/ j.edwards. Thinks better of it - goes off to sulk by self.

What did I do? *starts to cry -- thinks better of it and begins to construct fish-powered baby whirlamajig*
posted by j.edwards at 12:02 AM on November 16, 2001

*seeing his chance, gladly joins j.edwards in the sulk-pen, pausing first to anthrax-check whirlamajig's fish flour and talcum powder content*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:39 AM on November 16, 2001

In the spirit of Elbo Elf, kottke.org presents The Very Special First Degree List That Completely Supercedes The Ultra Elitist A-List In All Ways: Salted Wound, BlahStuff, The Perfect Kiss, Tangmonkey.com, BoredImsomniac, USS Clueless, Webmutant, Crunchland, Blacklist, Phonezilla, The Writing Sessions, Iceberg273, My Life as an American Gladiator, Tamim, Jerry Kindall, Skot, Grangousier, Dopeskill, Holloway, Mattpfeff, Aqua Hydra, Leuschke.org.

(From Jason Kottke's legendary blog, like, yesterday!)

What? Mattpfeff? Our mattpfeff is now famous? Not only that, JK links to his MetaFilter user profile. No blog; that's old hat. I wonder whether it will affect him...Drinks all round? Or should we just throw him out? Hmmm. Well, perhaps not till we reach 800... :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:08 AM on November 16, 2001

we'll never reach 800.
posted by ColdChef at 5:40 AM on November 16, 2001

That's not the attitude to take, ColdChef! *leaps out of the 'sulk-pen,' snaps ankle-bone, falls screaming to the ground*

We... can... do .. it... ColdChef... Avenge my imaginary injury.... *passes out due to clinically low pain threshold*
posted by j.edwards at 6:27 AM on November 16, 2001

Oh My God. The blacklist in that Kottke thing is mine. Blacklist. What on earth is going on?
posted by j.edwards at 6:33 AM on November 16, 2001

Our mattpfeff is now famous?

That bastard kottke got me. I told those celebrity-lovers (except you, Kafkaesque, of course (actually, you were being sarcastic, right?) -- but I mean the rest of those guys, ruining MeTa with their ceaseless chatter, my my!) in the 6-degrees-of-kottke thread in MeTa that he loved them -- he'd posted links to everyone in the thread. I was forgetting the changable nature of this bleeping web thing. The rat he linked to me too! See? Bats in my belfry! If only I had some latke. Or knew a girl named Plopsey. Notting can stop me! OK, now I've lost me. Need a de-gibberishizing hot-key.
posted by mattpfeff at 7:34 AM on November 16, 2001

j.edwards, that ungrateful blackguard, has just posted our Kottke link on MeTa like it was the dernier crior something, gathering all the credit as we speak. And very good it looks too, dammit. But, Mr. Pfeff, that's as nothing - lookit what the guys over at MetaFilter just discovered. You remember jpoulos posted this back in 1836? Well, apparently it's been rediscovered. Something to do with it being Friday, apparently. Dunno, would have to ask PolPot/ColdChef about that. :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:00 AM on November 16, 2001

Su chastized me appropriately! I feel dizzy and nauseous from all of the chastizing...
posted by j.edwards at 10:59 AM on November 16, 2001

Just put your head between your knees.

*NO, your OWN knees!!*
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:24 AM on November 16, 2001

Dear god!

Say it isn't so!
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:27 PM on November 16, 2001

*blue yonder beckoning; ticking dawn; number-making now sole motivation; S.O.S. sent*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:49 PM on November 17, 2001

Ticking dawn? I kind of like that turn of phrase, Migster, though I fear it was but a typo. Some fo the happiest phrases can be found accidentally.

And I fervently deny this thread has deteriorated into a quest for amount of posts. There's quality here somewhere. Snoozing in a corner and awaiting the passing of the ticking dawn.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:00 PM on November 17, 2001

LOL. A typo much like "fo".
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:01 PM on November 17, 2001

The tread on this thread wearing thin? Don't retire it, re-tire it!

(And if you read the fine print, it says it's for dump trucks. Surely then this can't be mere coincidence?)
posted by mattpfeff at 9:33 AM on November 19, 2001

With this I exceed my quota for today, wistful for the company of those I love. ;(
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:13 AM on November 19, 2001

Nobody likes a sad clown Miguel.

Turn that frown upside-down, sunshine!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:57 PM on November 19, 2001

9622 is brought to you by Mountain Dew Code Red!
posted by TacoConsumer at 7:52 PM on November 19, 2001

This product placement is really getting out of hand. Maybe I'll just relax with a cold one.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:55 PM on November 19, 2001

*driiiiiiifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds*
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:33 AM on November 20, 2001

Hey, look everyone! Tumbleweeds!
posted by mattpfeff at 8:56 AM on November 20, 2001

I really have a hankering (you know, a deep-down desire) for a Left-Handed burger! Maybe we can get some pancakes for lefties too - found at the Leftorium.
posted by kokogiak at 10:20 AM on November 20, 2001

I'm usually a left handed burger, but occasionally I like to surprise myself with the right hand.

I'm not weird about it. I don't tie myself up first. Just kind of spend a little time with myself.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:49 AM on November 20, 2001

Making the scene with a magazine...There ain't no way around.... ;-)
posted by jpoulos at 11:40 AM on November 20, 2001

You aren't a raindog by any chance are ya, jp?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:47 PM on November 20, 2001

man! I go away and look what you kids are up to in here!

PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!!!!
posted by tj at 12:57 PM on November 20, 2001

We're all raindogs, K. Just some of us don't know it yet...
posted by jpoulos at 1:18 PM on November 20, 2001

Life is too short to post every wacky flash movie to the front page. Therefore, I choose to share this with you, only, my brothers. Stay until the end to see the MIGHTY PANDAS OF DERISION!
posted by ColdChef at 2:19 PM on November 20, 2001

Some day, in some way, I will get even for the five minutes leading up the funny part with the pandas.

You won't know when, Mr. Chef, but you'll know WHO!




what about the wombats of whoop-ass?
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:55 PM on November 20, 2001

"Nice derision, Bob."
posted by ColdChef at 6:00 AM on November 21, 2001

monkeys of malcontence?
posted by tj at 6:21 AM on November 21, 2001

rabbits of rancor?

aardvarks of animosity?

emus of enmity?
posted by ColdChef at 6:34 AM on November 21, 2001

Peacocks of Petulance.
posted by mattpfeff at 7:51 AM on November 21, 2001

Ibexes of incontinence

believe me, you don't want to have those guys over to the house.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:03 AM on November 21, 2001

Aardvarks of afflatus- 3, Flamingos of flatulence- 2.
Rain stopped play.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:16 PM on November 21, 2001

Salmon of somnolence
Crabs of credulity
Marmots of morbidity
Lemurs of lasciviousness
or
Haddock of habitual husbandry
posted by kokogiak at 1:30 PM on November 21, 2001

Alligators of alliteration.

(They can sub for me from here on in....)
posted by mattpfeff at 1:47 PM on November 21, 2001

Terribly tragic, those alligators of alliteration, their tepid toes tapping tinnily on the tiles, traipsing over terrifically tiny tapirs.

hmm.

Pre Thanksgiving sillies may be kicking in.

woo!
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:43 PM on November 21, 2001

But the post-Thanksgiving sillies, well, that's where the men will be sorted out from the boys.
By the way, Kafkaesque and all you other Lotharios, have you never wondered why girls never come here? Is it the tone? Is it the no-cruelty-to-animals-except-monkeys-and-goats thing? Our lack of any charm?
Methinks it's the precariuous prestige of persistence. You know, mattpfeff, the Swinburne factor. And the fact that we're now on the right side of reaching 800. I say we'll be millenia welll before serial husband Bin Laden is brought to justice.

Bunnyfire?

*And men also, come to think of it, why do they stay away, for chrissakes ?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:27 PM on November 22, 2001

huh?
posted by tj at 9:28 AM on November 26, 2001

OK, was that you Miguel?

Am I the only one getting an "Accesso Limitado" window when I check 9622?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:38 PM on November 26, 2001

Are you guys still here? And no, you're not the only one.
posted by solistrato at 1:02 PM on November 26, 2001

Miguel! Dammit! Did you piss in our swimming pool?
posted by ColdChef at 1:38 PM on November 26, 2001

No! Matt says it has to do with my awful psychedelic November 4 post. If there's something evil imbedded there this would be an excellent opportunity to delete the bastard!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:51 PM on November 26, 2001

(I'm thinking of a bastard I'd like to delete....)

posted by ColdChef at 1:56 PM on November 26, 2001

It's amazing how this thread keeps drawing attention to itself.
posted by mrbula at 2:07 PM on November 26, 2001

If you're coming to this non-existent thread from that non-existent MetaTalk thread, and you're thinking "Aha! That jpoulos was just bullshitting when he said there was no 9622!", well you're wrong. This thread still doesn't exist. It is a figment of your imagination. You may go on about your business. Move along....Move along...
posted by jpoulos at 2:21 PM on November 26, 2001

So, speaking of that Star Wars quote, check this out (which I came across while double checking the quote).
posted by jpoulos at 2:22 PM on November 26, 2001

Wow, I remember this thread. It was the day that Wil Wheaton's blog got posted. Was it really that long ago? Were we so innocent then, or does it just feel that way? Do my shoes look okay with this shirt?
posted by eyeballkid at 2:27 PM on November 26, 2001

I suppose it's pointless to mention that I took the parody down last week. Now, only this thread remains...
posted by solistrato at 3:55 PM on November 26, 2001

And I was just over at 1142...you guys have a ways to go.
posted by solistrato at 4:00 PM on November 26, 2001

This is actually the thread at the end of the universe. We're waiting around for everything that has been referred to within the thread to cease to exist.

Then, and only then, will 9622 disappear with a pop not unlike the sound your mouth makes when you suck in a grape through pursed lips.

*oh and eyeballkid, white shoes are always questionable, especially with that belt. I'm not even going to go how many things are wrong with that half-shirt and gaiters.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:20 PM on November 26, 2001

I'm only here because of the Metatalk thread.
posted by transient at 4:20 PM on November 26, 2001

It's not when this thread reaches 1000 that the universe ends, it's when this reaches 1000.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:30 PM on November 26, 2001

Let me tell you the story about Miguel.

In the 15th Century his parents attempted to assasinate the king of Portugal at the time, Joao II. After the attempt failed, Joao ordered Miguel's family to be murdered. All were killed except Miguel who seemed to be inpermeable to death. Well, the Pope at the time decided it was best this immortal child be cast out to Zaire under the seal brought down by the angel Gaberial himself:

"Posticus Mefius Millenia"

Until this seal could be broken Miguel was sent to wander the world as a simple human. Not knowing what it meant till sometime in September, Miguel finally found a way to break the seal and become all powerful. Now it is only a matter of time before all the nation's of the world will bow down before the great Cardoso!
posted by geoff. at 5:37 PM on November 26, 2001

Let me tell you the story about Miguel.

In the 15th Century his parents attempted to assasinate the king of Portugal at the time, Joao II. After the attempt failed, Joao ordered Miguel's family to be murdered. All were killed except Miguel who seemed to be inpermeable to death. Well, the Pope at the time decided it was best this immortal child be cast out to Zaire under the seal brought down by the angel Gaberial himself:

"Posticus Mefius Millenia"

Until this seal could be broken Miguel was sent to wander the world as a simple human. Not knowing what it meant till sometime in September, Miguel finally found a way to break the seal and become all powerful. Now it is only a matter of time before all the nation's of the world will bow down before the great Cardoso!
posted by geoff. at 5:39 PM on November 26, 2001

Let me tell you the story about a man named Jed....
posted by jpoulos at 5:40 PM on November 26, 2001

This thread is, I believe, Uqbar. MeFi therefore being Tlön.
posted by BT at 8:19 PM on November 26, 2001

Posts that is.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:48 PM on November 26, 2001

I'm only here because all of the cool kids are.
posted by SpecialK at 10:27 PM on November 26, 2001

If cool means having way too much time on your hands and an unhealthy obsession with monkeys and goats, then you are absolutely right.

Otherwise, someone may have been lying to you.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:12 PM on November 26, 2001

Ummm, just what is the immigration policy here at 9622, jpoulos? And should I take the question brought about by solistrato's retiring of the parody link to MeTa? If it's not there anymore - and I have no doubt it isn't - just what are we discussing? Linkless threads are frowned upon - I imagine our attorney saying - but this is by no means the case here. This is a previously linkful thread forcibly delinked by the illegal actions of one member, solistrato, who openly boasts of his treasonable retraction... and the blame, m'lud, belongs entirely to him...and geoff, of course.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:23 AM on November 27, 2001

Technically it's not linkless, it just links to a 404. So the post doesn't violate MeFi Law. Instead, we all look like idiots talking about a 404.

Immigration policy? Hmmm... I think we need to convene a sub-thread to discuss that one. Someone see if Matt will create a 9622a.

So I was wondering, everyone. Do you think this thread will ever reach 800?
posted by jpoulos at 6:47 AM on November 27, 2001

Technically, there is no more discussion about said 404 link anyway.
posted by eyeballkid at 7:40 AM on November 27, 2001

just what are we discussing?

You had to ask. Why, we're discussing this, of course. Didn't you get the syllabus? Pay attention! (It's related to this story.)

So I was wondering, everyone. Do you think this thread will ever reach 800?

>we'll never reach 800.
>posted by ColdChef at 5:40 AM PST on November 16
posted by mattpfeff at 8:01 AM on November 27, 2001

of course, now someone's gone and posted our point of discussion on the front page. Should we tell them it's a double? Why does no one read the syllabus?!?
posted by mattpfeff at 9:29 AM on November 27, 2001

not syllabus so much as sylla-short-bus.

And no, I don't think we'll ever reach 800.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:52 AM on November 27, 2001

"sylla-short-bus." That's rich!
posted by jpoulos at 10:25 AM on November 27, 2001

ya know, we've actually stopped referring to monkeys (and goats-- although i was wholeheartedly against the whole goat thing from the beginning) but instead are refering to refering to monkeys. I think we've had to much reefer.
posted by tj at 11:29 AM on November 27, 2001

TJ. I hate to point this out, but you were just referring to referring to referring to monkeys. (and so on, ad infinitum)
posted by jpoulos at 12:48 PM on November 27, 2001

"This thread is bound for glory, this thread
This thread is bound for glory,
This thread will carry no more monkeys"
posted by eyeballkid at 1:49 PM on November 27, 2001

"I'll push the wood
I'll blaze your fire
Then I'll satisfy your heart's desire
Said I'll stir it up, yeah, ev'ry minute, yeah
All you got to do is keep the monkey it in, baby"
posted by ColdChef at 2:16 PM on November 27, 2001

Marley?
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:37 PM on November 27, 2001

this monkey's gone to heaven
posted by mattpfeff at 2:48 PM on November 27, 2001

Think of the autos in your day:

auto -alarm, -analysis, -angelist, -bahn, -biography, -cade, -carpous, -catharsis, -cephalous, -chiria, -chrome, -chronograph, -chthonous, -cide, -clave, -clesis, -crat, -cratrix, -destruct, -dialer, -didact, -dynamic, -dyne, -ecious, -erotic, -fecundation, -feed, -focus, -gamy, -genesis, -geneous, -gnosis, -graph, -gyro, -harp, -hypnosis, -icous, -ignition, -immune, -insufflator, -kinetic, -laryngoscope, -latry, -loading, -logical, -logophagist, -mat, -mata, -matic, -maton, -math, -metry, -morphic, -mobile, -nomasy, -nomous, -nym, -phagous, -phobic, -phony, -phthalmoscope, -pilot, -plasty, -psorin, -ptic, -psy, -rotation, -schediastic, -site, -some, -telic, -temnon, -thaumaturgist, -theist, -tomy, -toxicosis, -type, -typography, -xidation

Now all we need is an automonkey.
posted by kokogiak at 2:54 PM on November 27, 2001

And now, a tribute to a few notable 800s:
Metafilter Thread #800
Metatalk Thread #800
Georgina, Member #800
800 Electronics (Buyer be happy)
Eight hundred years of Roman Coinage *Whoa!* I think that's Clavdivs!
Eight hundred dollar eye Her husband Coffee - that's what they called him because he was so black
Eight hundred pound pumpkin (Which should actually be called "Tribute to the idea of an Eight hundred pound pumpkin")
Internet 800 Directory (Please note: the "800" phone number for 1-800-USA-HOTELS.com is 1-866.287.3189
Riga 800 Latvian City of Inspiration
posted by ColdChef at 2:57 PM on November 27, 2001

Let's not forget my favorite:
-erotic-asphyxiation

or

automatic-taxi-stop-electric-cigarette-love-baby-hotel-rock-and-roll-the-discotheque-the-electric-supersex

oh and how bout

"at sunrise the monkeys will fly
and leave me with pennies in my eyes"
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:01 PM on November 27, 2001

So I was wondering, everyone. Do you think this thread will ever reach 900?
posted by jpoulos at 3:20 PM on November 27, 2001

we'll never reach 900.
posted by ColdChef at 3:29 PM on November 27, 2001

K! Morphine! Morphine! Disorientation to those who know not of the Morphine!

Because sharks patrol these waters.

We could reach 900. I believe!
posted by j.edwards at 3:35 PM on November 27, 2001

My wife has been annoyed with the fact that i keep saying "assmonkey" lately. Assmonkey. I don't know where I got that from. Assmonkey, assmonkey.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:36 PM on November 27, 2001

hissy fit: So you cleared the 800 hurdle without as much as a by-your-leave, you subterfuging, obfuscating, downright mean and selfish bunch of onanistic and friend-forgetting jackals!
Just don't make me have to put up my "Acesso Proibido" password popup again, is all I have to say.
Though the proximity of the 900 mark does, I confess, fess up the gonads and strife in me. And as for that other thread that someone mentioned, when last I heard it was still festering below 300, is what I've been told...
Congratulations! A Thousand before the year is through should be our humble goal. Now that we have Matt's (sort of)blessing there's no telling on what page of that Guinness book it may end.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:12 PM on November 27, 2001

well, now we have to get to 900, just so we can see ColdChef's favorite 900-numbers.

Let's do it tomorrow afternoon while Miguel's asleep.
posted by mattpfeff at 4:29 PM on November 27, 2001

Miguel doesn't sleep.
posted by jpoulos at 5:04 PM on November 27, 2001

I blame tj. He's usually reliable. Didn't even phone. Who can you trust nowadays, geez? Hey, wait...now there's a potentially fruitful MeTa thread I'm sure would be welcomed with open arms by the larger community, you know, those what wouldn't come to this thread if their livers depended on it.
OK, mattpfeff, help me out here. I'm thinking pink, young, tangent-frappucino, Gershwinesque à la outrance, Capri-style tease. Just the words "Who can you trust nowadays?", simply posted to MeTa. With a little More Inside perhaps, to avoid the "Zero comments" plague. And there a sober "Only jpoulos" with, maybe, a sympathetic "Also perhaps j.edwards" in the best of tastes, of course... Bet that would fall very well, IMHO.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:29 PM on November 27, 2001

what? me? RELIABLE?????
posted by tj at 7:42 AM on November 28, 2001

It would fall well, indeed, good Cardoso. To make it easier on the palatte, perhaps to sprinkle in a note of humility rife for misinterpretation: "Who can you trust nowadays? Beyond the great holgate and the inimitable Nickels, and perhaps a few other tribal fathers I have forgot, who else can a humble newbie such as myself count on?"

'Twould go down like a charm, without a doubt.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:09 AM on November 28, 2001

Well I know for damn sure you can't trust me.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:05 AM on November 28, 2001

The only thing you can really trust in is that the Space Monkeys WILL infiltrate Howard Johnson's and take the throne from Denny's!
posted by tj at 9:17 AM on November 28, 2001

Okay, I have a nomination for the official music video of 9622. It's got a good beat, obscure scientific references, a sense of humor, is slightly disturbing - and features mutant monkeys. I could not stop watching this (god bless TiVo) last night.

RealPlayer clip: Basement Jaxx - Where's your Head At
posted by kokogiak at 10:52 AM on November 28, 2001

You know, last time I was at HoJo's I swear to god I saw a Space Monkey on the throne. He was in there for like twenty minutes and it reeked to holy hell when he finally left.

If only I had remembered the wise words of Walt Whitman:
If a Space Monkey takes a book in, you're in for a long wait.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:53 AM on November 28, 2001

Domain Name: 9622.ORG

Created on..............: Mon, Nov 29, 1999
Expires on..............: Thu, Nov 29, 2001
Record last updated on..: Fri, Jun 02, 2000


Tomorrow, tomorrow.... who's gonna do it?
posted by tj at 11:20 AM on November 28, 2001

Hmmm...couldn't get the Basement Jaxx video to play on my Mac, but I found this sweet game. And there's a MONKEY in it, too.
posted by ColdChef at 11:29 AM on November 28, 2001

9622.org? I prefer squatting.

As do most new world monkeys.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:37 AM on November 28, 2001

OK, everybody line up, it's time for squat-thrusts
posted by tj at 8:30 AM on November 29, 2001

ow wow, is there any way I can delete that?
posted by tj at 9:09 AM on November 29, 2001

You can take the monkey out of the fucker, but you can't take the fucker out of the monkey. Not without seriously offending the monkey anyway.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:20 AM on November 29, 2001

Was it something I said?
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:04 PM on November 29, 2001

It was something I didn't say.
posted by pnevares at 3:33 PM on November 29, 2001

I knew it!
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:05 PM on November 29, 2001

metafilter parody. no comment from me, i'll leave that to everyone else.

Shit, while waiting for this page to load, I think I've read these words more often than my own name!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:55 PM on November 29, 2001

hey k,

assmonkeyfuck?
posted by eyeballkid at 9:14 PM on November 29, 2001

assmonkey says "what?"
posted by eyeballkid at 9:15 PM on November 29, 2001

what?

.... OH, YOU! That gets me every time....
posted by jpoulos at 9:35 PM on November 29, 2001

Friends of 9622:

Please accept this early Christmas present from your loving friend, jpoulos:
"Twas the Night Before Christmas," read by Liberace. (mp3, 6MB)
posted by jpoulos at 9:46 PM on November 29, 2001

hey k,

assmonkeyfuck?

You weren't, like, propositioning me there were you, mr ball?
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:52 PM on November 29, 2001

Monkeys are funny...my tongue is digesting in my mouth.
posted by ColdChef at 7:27 AM on November 30, 2001

*snicker*
you said "mr ball"
posted by eyeballkid at 7:48 AM on November 30, 2001

*heh heh*
you (almost) said "nickers"
posted by jpoulos at 8:18 AM on November 30, 2001

*chortle*

I just like saying that... chortle chortle chortle chortle
posted by tj at 12:51 PM on November 30, 2001

Started out strong, but then just kind of fizzled out. Alas.
posted by ColdChef at 1:15 PM on November 30, 2001

I've always been partial to *guffaw*, myself.

Wow, chef, I totally forgot about that thread.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:22 PM on November 30, 2001

I never realized that MeFi had so many back alley threads. It's cold and dark in 11629. I'm frightened.

*whimper*
posted by eyeballkid at 2:12 PM on November 30, 2001

Them's mean streets, Mr Ball.

Let's..be careful out there.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:35 PM on November 30, 2001

11629 just cut out early for the holidays, that's all. No one ever gets any work done this time of year, anyway.
posted by mattpfeff at 6:26 PM on November 30, 2001

*MA BELL!*
I gots da ill commnication

sorry, I'm drunk, again
posted by tj at 1:54 AM on December 2, 2001

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE!
posted by kokogiak at 11:27 AM on December 3, 2001

Wow, Kokogiak! That's some startling breaking news. Front page material if I ever saw it!

The only thing it's missing is some gratuitous breast suckling and a little pussy.
(I truly, truly apologize for that.)

posted by ColdChef at 12:02 PM on December 3, 2001

Chef, don't make me send this guy over there....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:40 PM on December 3, 2001

*cowers in fear*
posted by ColdChef at 12:51 PM on December 3, 2001

"What do ya say we blackball Mr. Coldchef, eh?"
posted by ColdChef at 1:00 PM on December 3, 2001

awwww. adorable. monkeys. here monkey monkey, here monk... hey, that's my hair... hey... oww, shit, damn... ahh, no not my grapes, no don't.... AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......
posted by eyeballkid at 11:10 AM on December 4, 2001

Who wants Lik-M-Aid?
posted by solistrato at 11:13 AM on December 4, 2001

Oh! Oh! MEEEEEEE!!!
posted by tj at 11:15 AM on December 4, 2001

Dude, I freebase Lik-M-Aid powder daily. I am the Richard Pryor of Sugary Confections. Here, hand me that bic and I'll just –

WHOOMPF!



ow.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:09 PM on December 4, 2001

on a somewhat realted side note: Did you know that non-dairy creamer is flammable? I saw my insane neighbor children (aka the squirrel-shit twins -- as in nuttier than) lighting it on fire in their back yard last week.
posted by tj at 12:17 PM on December 4, 2001

It's a petroleum product. The only reason people drink it is because it's not quite as vile a substance as coffee....
posted by mattpfeff at 12:30 PM on December 4, 2001

It's all lies from the Non-Dairy Advisory Board Conspiracy!

Say it loud and proud:

NON-DAIRY CREAMER IS MADE OF CHICKEN BEAKS!

IT'S CHICKEN BEAKS!!!
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:20 PM on December 4, 2001

coincidentally, that's why you see so many chickens running around with their beaks on fire.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:25 PM on December 4, 2001

that's why you see so many chickens running around with their beaks on fire.

I've always wondered about that.

*sniff*

Poor stav. No wonder he never comes around here anymore. Do they grow bacK?
posted by mattpfeff at 1:41 PM on December 4, 2001

"Milton Wilk and the Will to Milk" - on a double bill tonight (get it) with the "Flaming Chicken Beaks".

You all remember their hits - "Beaks Afire" and "Hellface", right? Be sure to bring your creamer packets!
posted by kokogiak at 1:55 PM on December 4, 2001

I prefer "The Devil Went Down to Foster Farms".

or the Johnny Cash light classic: "Beak of Fire".

or the Doors: "Come on Baby Light My Beak", which is poignantly covered by sight-impaired hero to all, Jose "Blind Chicken" Feliciano.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:44 PM on December 4, 2001

or the Johnny Cash light classic: "Beak of Fire"

I thought that was Wall of Voodoo:

Love
Is a burnin' freak
And it makes
A fiery beak
I was bound by
Wild desire
I fell into a
Beak of fire

Chorus:
I fell into a burnin' beak of fire
I fell down, down, down, and the flames got higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the beak of fire
The beak of fire
The beak of fire

Chorus repeat
The taste
Of love is sweet
When hearts
Like ours meet
I fell for ya
Like a child
Oh
But the fire went wild


Chorus:
I fell into a burnin' beak of fire
I fell down, down, down, and the flames got higher
And it burns, burns, burns, the beak of fire
The beak of fire
The beak of fire
Yes––it burns, burns, burns, the beak of fire
The beak of fire
The beak of fire
posted by mattpfeff at 4:08 PM on December 4, 2001

Come on baby light my beak
Try to set the beak on fiiiii-yar!

(i have no idea if those tag thingies are right so don't even mess with me. I'M CRAZY! booga-booga!)
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:29 PM on December 4, 2001

wow I really AM crazy. I coulda sworn I put those really really really funny tag things on there saying "begin Jim Morrison voice" and "end Jim Morrison voice". Must be those damn flying elves fucking with my head again.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:40 PM on December 4, 2001

.:| Maybe you did. That's kinda spooky! |:.
posted by eyeballkid at 6:26 PM on December 4, 2001

whatever do you mean?
posted by tj at 8:16 AM on December 5, 2001

We will reach 900. But what a way to go...

Boy, if this were any other thread, eyeballkid and Old Reliable... You make a guy come all this way for this?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:58 AM on December 5, 2001

Come for the comments, stay to beer-bong an entire bottle of Tawny Port.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:42 AM on December 5, 2001

There is no 9622... There is no 9622.... There is no 9622...

Proof.
posted by jpoulos at 1:23 PM on December 5, 2001

damn! i didn't test in netscape. now it should work.
posted by jpoulos at 2:19 PM on December 5, 2001

vile crosspostery! I think it is time for a 9622 FAQ. I shall call it the 96FAQ2, and it shall be glorious, filled with unnecessary words like ubiquitous, hobgoblin, snarkery, snopery, and 'wheretofore.'

My first task in developing it shall be to determine why I should not be the one to do so, and that will be the first entry.
posted by j.edwards at 2:57 PM on December 5, 2001

oooh oooh. can the FAQ have a big ASCII art logo?
posted by eyeballkid at 3:11 PM on December 5, 2001

you bastards cost me my JOB!!!!

so I guess I'll have enough time to write it....
posted by tj at 4:13 PM on December 5, 2001

now it should work.

ys)alll ovre my sttikky kerygbgbrd&,,,
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:29 PM on December 5, 2001

So I bought Civilization III, and I got so angry at the game that I broke the CD in half. I've never done that before.

So a word from your Uncle Solistrato: don't buy Civ III.

And don't break $50 CD-ROMs.
posted by solistrato at 5:33 PM on December 5, 2001

I have been near that point with American McGee's Alice for some time now. It's a case of "want to finish game" vs "extreme annoyance with lava jumping puzzles".

In fact there are a few games sitting in a near-completed stage mere feet from where I sit right now, but I just can't be bothered, even with the walkthroughs.

Ah hell with it, time for more Quake.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:07 PM on December 5, 2001

What time is it?
posted by TacoConsumer at 9:05 PM on December 5, 2001

Time to get ill.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:19 PM on December 5, 2001

Hear that? That's the disco call.
posted by j.edwards at 12:06 AM on December 6, 2001

Me, I'm put off my Eagle honey-roasted peanuts because some colon-compacted EU directive doesn't allow original American labels anymore and they're now Cacahuetes Fritos Com Miel Ligeramente Salados, which is just not the same. Moan.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:45 AM on December 6, 2001

Miguel!

Don't eat those nuts! Everyone in America knows that Eagle nuts are made from monkey...uhhh...nuts if you know what I mean.

Dear God, man. Chomp not on the monkey testicles, lest ye anger the monkey gods!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:12 AM on December 6, 2001

Kafkaesque, can I ask a serious question? My only excuse is that it does mean one more stride(two if you deign to answer)towards 900.
Last time I was in the States, in May, I looked everywhere for "Beer Nuts", my all-time favourites and was told everywhere(including Zabar's)they were no longer made. They came in little red packets, were fuck-blood-pressure salty and, above all, the peanuts still had their skins on.
I found one crap imitation and that was it.
Now you're an educated man - were those Korean bastards bamboozling me? I imagined they were a staple of sports-watching beer-guzzling rednecks and would never stop existing. I refuse to Google for them - honestly - because I'm afraid to find out it's true.

Could you break it to me gently, as to a newborn monkey child, if they are no longer made?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:05 PM on December 6, 2001

The question, of course, if you follow my syntax is: Is it true you're an educated man? Apart from your American Gladiator site, I mean, which was obviously written by Jon Stewart.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:07 PM on December 6, 2001

Here it is, my Portuguese cephalopod.

While you peruse the storied history of the Beer Nut, you may wish to sign up for the Beer Nuts Bass Fishing boat Contest. As we colonials say "Yee fuckin' ha!"

Beer Nuts and bass a re about all a man needs in this world.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:14 PM on December 6, 2001

With a mouse-over even!
Uncle K - you are a credit to the world. I just know little Max is thriving right now.
I've emailed the Export Manager in Bloomington, Indiana - once again they've pissed all over my little corner of the world. I lied and said I had a little bar. Had a dig at Planter's, to butter the guy up. Even went a bit wild and asked for promo stuff for free, saying I wanted to give my customers the horn before the beauts arrived.
Now I must dash ungratefully, as the ScreenSaver is already up and I must let the old 'puter cool down before I can gaze on that much-missed wonder. Thanks!

If this export scam falls through, I wonder if I know anyone in the States who could....
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:12 PM on December 6, 2001

Okay, fellas. Here's the deal. For some reason, since K's post here the entire thread is all "tiny and squished up against the right side of the page". I am running IE5 on a Mac. That's not the real problem, though. The real problem is, since then--for some reason--I can no longer post to this thread.

Have I really been blackballed? I'd ask Matt to fix it, but that would just be too damn embarrassing to ask him to do it again...right?

The only way I could post this comment was to download Opera (Netscape crashed twice when I tried it). And I'm not too keen having to use a completely different browser when I want to play here.

So, here's my dilemma: switch over to Opera whenever I want to post something here or crawl into MetaTalk and admit (once again) that 9622 actually DOES exist and it's gotten messed up again?

BTW. Since I am noticing a dropoff of activity here, I'm inclined to believe that I am not the only one with this problem.

God. I feel like the guy who has to come back into the party and be all like, "Hey, who's got a white truck? I need you to move it, you're blocking me in. Hey! Do you have a ....Who drives a Ford?...Somebody is blocking...hey..."
posted by ColdChef at 2:13 PM on December 6, 2001

In the 9622 FAQ:
Is export fraud an acceptable way to obtain salty treats?
GOD YES! Now where are my salty treats?
posted by j.edwards at 2:18 PM on December 6, 2001

Coldchef -- I have a friend using IE 5 on a mac, I'l have him check up on the problem. Which post of K's was it? I can't find anything wrong in the source for the most recent one.
posted by j.edwards at 2:21 PM on December 6, 2001

Sorry. I thought I marked it. It was this post here.
posted by ColdChef at 2:29 PM on December 6, 2001

He's stuck an extra </> in there. E-mail Matt with the post info and he should be able to take it out. (My IE5 Mac friends reports the same problem, not sure why.)
posted by j.edwards at 2:37 PM on December 6, 2001

Two extra, actually.

9622 shall now return to the realm of sincere unadulterated crazification from whence it came

I proclaim today Cheaply Manufactured Evil Day!
posted by j.edwards at 2:40 PM on December 6, 2001

Oh my god!

What have I wrought in my hubris?!

*Stabs eyes with brooches*

I throw myself upon the mercy of the thread and plead, as I do pretty much daily, ignorance.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:57 PM on December 6, 2001

9
posted by jpoulos at 7:17 PM on December 6, 2001

0
posted by jpoulos at 7:17 PM on December 6, 2001

0
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

||
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

||
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

V
posted by jpoulos at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2001

Man! It's like watching Dick Clark's ball drop.

That happens when you're 87 you know.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:21 PM on December 6, 2001

I come to 9622 to get away from the big bad world of the FP. Now I have to think about Dick's Ball dropping and Miguel's Beer Nuts.

When do we get to the Notable 900s? I'm partial to 1-900-HOT-TEENS.
posted by eyeballkid at 8:25 PM on December 6, 2001

You keep mentioning this, eyeballkid and yet you fail to post a link. So I'm going to advance five hypotheses, all of them putative, should you know what the word "puta" means in the Nada-Beer-Nuts world. So here hoes, following jpoulo's example...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:40 PM on December 6, 2001

Is it a plane?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:40 PM on December 6, 2001

Are we not Devo?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:41 PM on December 6, 2001

Does it hurt?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:42 PM on December 6, 2001

Does "We will never reach 1000" mean anything to you?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:43 PM on December 6, 2001

Name the state where the Beer Nuts factory be and you may have the 900 marker.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:45 PM on December 6, 2001

Clue: It is in Bloomington, Indiana.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:45 PM on December 6, 2001

Which is way too far for me.

Wheeeeeee!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:47 PM on December 6, 2001

Mattpfeff: please verify that those were 5(five)hypotheses and that this last post did in fact reach the 900(nine hundred)mark.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:51 PM on December 6, 2001

Miguel - your posts and mouth runneth over - we're well into the 900's by now. Just calm down & munch on your beer nuts big fellah.
posted by kokogiak at 8:51 PM on December 6, 2001

Though I did cheat: Bloomington, Illinois was the correct answer...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:53 PM on December 6, 2001

I just want to say that I had a dream about pancakes the other day. Really. They were so delicious.

My wife believes this is a freudian displacement phenomenon.

Me? I just want some pancake goodness. Oh, and to wear them as a garter belt. Is that wrong?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:13 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:32 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:32 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:32 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:33 PM on December 7, 2001

By god, I'm going to post comment 1000 to this thread!
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:33 PM on December 7, 2001

(Okay. My wrist is starting to hurt from clicking the [post] button. And I feel a little woozy. I guess I'll come back and try again tomorrow.)
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:34 PM on December 7, 2001

We'll never reach 1000 because this thread doesn't exist anyway.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:39 PM on December 7, 2001

We'll never reach 9622 because this thread doesn't exist anyway.
posted by eyeballkid at 6:45 PM PST on December 7, 2004



Dude, time machines are cool.
posted by eyeballkid at 1:42 PM on December 7, 2001

Blackguard! Post not thy repetitive poppycock!

Wouldst thou waste the precious comment 911 with thy blather?!

Zounds! Hie thee to a nunnery!

or something.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:03 PM on December 7, 2001

TWEEEEEET!

Shadowkeeper, 2 minutes for needless repetition
posted by tj at 3:29 PM on December 7, 2001

I think this is now necessary. We've been slumping a little
posted by tj at 3:53 PM on December 7, 2001

AWWWWWWW! It's a monkey. Isn't he cute? Monkey!
posted by eyeballkid at 6:46 PM on December 7, 2001

GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE.....

sorry, drinking and linking
posted by eyeballkid at 6:54 PM on December 7, 2001

Heh! I could have been at that game, actually. I always go see my Giants when they play the hometown Disney franchise. I think the Rally Monkey, more than anything, got my wife interested in baseball.

I think the most pleasing thing about that clip is the sound of the buffoons who do the Angels commentary laughing like Beavis and Butthead.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:00 PM on December 7, 2001

Don't worry kids. You'll get there.
posted by tweebiscuit at 8:08 PM on December 7, 2001

You...you really think so Dad?
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:05 PM on December 7, 2001

Did you say Mandrill? Like the monkey?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:58 PM on December 9, 2001

Miguel, you're a dirty, dirty man.

Miguel the Master Plaster Caster, and the Will to Milk.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:23 PM on December 9, 2001

--- "Miguel! You are a dirty, dirty man!"

thanks, filepile.
posted by jpoulos at 8:52 PM on December 9, 2001

Emmanuel Lewis?!!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:18 PM on December 9, 2001

aww, duuuuuuuude!
posted by jpoulos at 6:45 AM on December 10, 2001

Not that I have anything against Webster personally, you understand. Just that he kind of creeps me out and should have to wear bells on his shoes so's I can hear him approaching.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:52 AM on December 10, 2001

930
posted by tj at 9:16 AM on December 10, 2001

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - again. I never get tired of mundane, non sequitor AP photos labeled as something urgent. Stupid Geese.
posted by kokogiak at 10:51 AM on December 10, 2001

Them geese can pick a man's skeleton clean in under a minute. I seen it happen, young whippersnapper, so if I was you, I'd just keep my yap shut about "stupid" geese.

Sometimes...death is bettah.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:10 AM on December 10, 2001

ok, how long till there's a front-page post about j.Nielsen's DVD menu article.. I give it 2 hours from now...
posted by tj at 12:48 PM on December 10, 2001

Oh it's imminent, all right!
But other dangers await. So, boys, listen to Uncle K and let's be careful out there!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:52 PM on December 10, 2001

Those scary geese are being fed in Mystic, THE MOST TERRIFYING TOWN IN CONNECTICUT!

I've been there. It's mind-bogglingly scary. The people are like zombies! I lose more brains that way.
posted by j.edwards at 2:12 PM on December 10, 2001

Is anyone else having trouble loading this thread. It's been crashing my browser recently. Miguel: Did you poison the thread again????
posted by jpoulos at 5:25 PM on December 10, 2001

Portuguese man he
took the blame
for the poisonin'
of the thread.

They found his quotes
in the comments
They found his fingerprints
all over the place.

*with apologies to the Cowboy Junkies*
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:45 PM on December 10, 2001

What do you mean, "again"? The first time wasn't proven. Matt removed me "into the corner" post and still this sacred thread refused entry to its finesy.
I wouldn't know how; would never do anything like that - apart from my natural way with words, that is.
Hey it's extremely difficult for me to get here as well. Perhaps(perish the thought!)it's too long...
Perhaps we'll neverreach one thousand!
Perhaps it's Matt's way of saying the Millenium is coming and he's giving us a taste of our own y2k!

Hey, wait a minute, do you suppose y2karl.... :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:14 PM on December 10, 2001

Perhaps we'll neverreach one thousand!

Sounds like a confession to me...or a threat!

Listen, kids, you behave or I'll turn this thread around....
posted by jpoulos at 8:16 PM on December 10, 2001

So - shall we make this a palindromic thread?

?daerht cimordnilap a siht ekam ew llahs - oS
posted by kokogiak at 8:28 PM on December 10, 2001

...dnoura daerht siht nrut ll'I ro evaheb uoy ,sdik ,nestiL

!taerht a ro...em ot noissefnoc a ekil sdnuoS

!dnasuoht eno hcaerreven ll'ew spahreP
posted by kokogiak at 8:32 PM on December 10, 2001

*whimper* stop with the backwards damnit. my head. can't take. pounding. miguel broke the thread. miguel broke the thread. it's like a convoluted carousel.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:13 PM on December 10, 2001

.lesuorac detulovnoc a ekil s'ti .daerht eht ekorb leugim .daerht eht ekorb leugim .gnidnuop .ekat t'nac .daeh ym .tinmad sdrawkcab eht htiw pots *repmihw*

oh, sorry.. what was that agian?
posted by tj at 8:02 AM on December 11, 2001

Okay, here's where I stand:

I sent Matt an email explaining the problem I was having with posting to this thread. (This is a follow-up to this problem) He laughed and told me that he would fix it. However, as of right now, the problem has not been fixed and I can only post here using Opera. I think that I sent him the request on the day of his father's heart trouble, so, I'm pretty sure I got lost in the shuffle.

There's no way I'm gonna send another email saying, "Why the hell haven't you fixed it yet?" So, I guess Opera is my only way out.

Just wanted you fellas to know that I haven't left you, I'm just sitting muffled on the sideline.

By the way, without me, you'll never reach a thousand.
posted by ColdChef at 9:08 AM on December 11, 2001

Hallelujah! Welcome back, Pavarotti!
*genuine sobbing, not just jessamyn crying*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:18 AM on December 11, 2001

Hallelujah! Welcome back, Pavarotti!

is that a "fat" joke?
posted by ColdChef at 10:32 AM on December 11, 2001

No, it's a "classy Opera" joke, you loveable fool. And José Carreras, though thin, is quite ill. Will you never get the tenor of my friendly remarks?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:40 AM on December 11, 2001

Sorry, Miguel. I cantor believe I doubted you.
posted by ColdChef at 12:56 PM on December 11, 2001

You guys are Caruso-ing for a bruising.

Gads! Sorry about that. I guess I was appealing to your basser instincts.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:56 PM on December 11, 2001

What the hell aria you talking about?
posted by jpoulos at 3:13 PM on December 11, 2001

I guess it was alto much for you eh jp?
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:51 PM on December 11, 2001

Verdi nice.
posted by eyeballkid at 5:59 PM on December 11, 2001

To the handsome gentlemen of the 9622 militia (and ladies that may be lurking):

Happy Holiday Season to you all! For all the joy you folks bring me on a day-to-day basis, I'd like to show y'all a little bit of Holiday Love. Inspired by this thread, my old lady and I slapped together a CD to send out to those we love and since we overestimated how many people like us, we've got a few discs left over.

So, here's a one time offer (limited to the first 12 or so replies): email me your favorite line from your favorite holiday movie and your mailing address and I'll send you a copy of our seasonal favorites*. Please include your MeFi name, so I'll know who the hell I am dealing with.

Hell, I'm feeling kind of generous this season. I may even be persuaded to send a copy to Portugal or South Korea (if you ask nicely).

*Act now, operators are standing by! Artists include: Clarence Carter, U2, Eartha Kitt, Jose Feliciano, Luther Vandross, Otis Redding, Robert Downey, Jr., Benny Grunch and the Bunch, Melissa Etheridge, Run DMC and many, many more...

Best wishes to you all!
posted by ColdChef at 10:36 AM on December 12, 2001

A Domingo ate my baby!
posted by transient at 11:38 AM on December 12, 2001

A Dominican ate my baby! He musta thought it was a fryer.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:35 PM on December 12, 2001

Mrs. Claus:
  Eat, Poppa, eat.
Santa Claus:
  How can I eat? That silly Elf Song is driving me crazy.
Mrs. Claus:
  You're gonna disappoint the children. They expect a fat Santa.
posted by kokogiak at 1:24 PM on December 12, 2001

ColdChef: I reject being called handsome. I've worked so hard not to be judged by my stunning good looks.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:37 PM on December 12, 2001

or rather, to not be judged. geez, i hate screwing up the punch line.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:38 PM on December 12, 2001

either way, we all understand that i'm stunningly handsome.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:40 PM on December 12, 2001

dream on kid, Your mom aslo told you that Santa is real....
posted by tj at 4:48 PM on December 12, 2001

"We're gonna go out there and have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fuckin' Kaye!"

The above quote, from "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" is unique in that it represents the last genuinely funny thing that Chevy Chase ever said.
posted by Optamystic at 6:48 PM on December 12, 2001

I hate to have to quote "The Eyeball Kid" here, as I know the song was not the raison d'etre of your nom de plume, but:

"He's not conventionally handsome
He'll never be tall"

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

on another tack:

I'm Mister White Christmas
I'm Mister Snow
I'm Mister something something
I'm Mister 20 below

Whatever I touch
Turns to ice in my clutch
I'm too much!

Was it just me or did everyone feel more of an affinity with the Snow-Miser than the Heat Miser? For years I was troubled by visions of little Heat-Miser henchmen dancing around me as I slept, possibly giving me the occasional hotfoot, as evil homonculi are wont to do.

Maybe it was the laudenum?
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:10 PM on December 12, 2001

As I said, stunningly handsome....
posted by eyeballkid at 7:38 PM on December 12, 2001

Coulda been the laudenum, mighta been the gin...

born without a body... or a brooowwww...
posted by transient at 6:44 AM on December 13, 2001

(fp, again)
posted by jpoulos at 4:50 PM on December 13, 2001

Say goodnight, Gracie.
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:33 PM on December 13, 2001

Geez, George looked a little rough before he passed away, huh?
posted by eyeballkid at 6:57 PM on December 13, 2001

Goodnight, gracie.
posted by jpoulos at 7:26 PM on December 13, 2001

Fools! Not George but Philip!
posted by skyscraper at 11:46 PM on December 13, 2001

Closer to this maybe?
posted by jpoulos at 6:01 AM on December 14, 2001

So, here's a one time offer (limited to the first 12 or so replies): email me your favorite line from your favorite holiday movie and your mailing address and I'll send you a copy of our seasonal favorites*. Please include your MeFi name, so I'll know who the hell I am dealing with.

Apparently, I overestimated how many people here like me as well, because so far, only one person has asked for a copy of our holiday compilation. Did I forget to mention that it's free? Did I forget to mention Benny Grunch and the Bunch?

Did I not say that I'm trying to spread a little fucking holiday joy?
posted by ColdChef at 10:38 AM on December 14, 2001

You people don't want holiday joy! You just want fucking monkeys.
posted by ColdChef at 10:43 AM on December 14, 2001

I've seen that horrible George Burns Monkey Picture before somewhere... Oh yes! Jesus' Homepage.
posted by j.edwards at 2:04 PM on December 14, 2001

Me want! Me want holiday compilation! Um, what do I have to do again? I'd scroll up, but I fear what came before.
posted by solistrato at 5:40 PM on December 14, 2001

Okay. I can take a hint. I begged and begged and only two of you are curious about my wack taste in music. So, I take the offer back.

No songs for you. Next!
posted by ColdChef at 7:22 AM on December 15, 2001

Chef, people are weird about that sort of thing. When Joey Ramone died, I offerred to buy a Ramones CD for the first three respondents. I only got one response.

I'd take you up on the offer, but I just made my own 2-disc compilation (featuring many of the same songs as yours, from the sound of it), and I'm Christmas-music'd to death.

Thank you for the offer, though. Happy Holiday.
posted by jpoulos at 7:46 AM on December 15, 2001

ColdChef: Much as I'd like to take you up on such a cool offer, I hate Xmas songs in general. It has nothing to do with the season, but more with the fact that most of them are just horrible tunes that wouldn't be given a second listen outside of the Dr. Demento show if they weren't attached to a holiday.

Cases in point: "The Little Drummer Boy," "Jingle Bells," "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"

There are, however, exceptions: "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues, "I'll Be Home For Christmas" when done by Sinatra, "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" U2's version and my favorite Xmas song of all time....

Christmas Time in the LBC by Jimmy Kimmel as Snoop Dog (half way down)
posted by eyeballkid at 11:13 AM on December 15, 2001

Come to think of it, I have enough anti-Christmas songs to make a killer anti-Christmas cd if anyone is interested. I'll take the first ten or so people who email me.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:16 AM on December 15, 2001

Coldchef -- does this mean I'm not getting my Christmas music? *cries self to sleep*
posted by j.edwards at 4:22 PM on December 15, 2001

Sorry if I came across as the Grinch there. I really do have love for all the Whos down in Whoville. Even you, little Cindy Lou Who.

I'll be mailing those CDs to all who requested one (a not too shabby nine of you) this week.

For the record, I think there's no better Christmas movie than "A Christmas Story" and my favorite quote in there (nearly every line is a perfect gem) is:
"Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!"
"Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie."

Have a holly jolly.
posted by ColdChef at 5:07 PM on December 15, 2001

I dinna request one, mostly because I'm grinchy. Offer appreciated tho.

Another good one from A Christmas Story: "He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny!"
posted by kokogiak at 10:00 PM on December 15, 2001

You do realize we are only 18 posts short of 1,000 don't you?
posted by kokogiak at 10:03 PM on December 15, 2001

actually, we're 17 short. but we'll never make it to 1,000.
posted by eyeballkid at 12:39 AM on December 16, 2001

Even you, little Cindy Lou Who.

Um... Did Coldchef just call me Cindy Lou?
posted by j.edwards at 4:00 AM on December 16, 2001

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
posted by ColdChef at 6:44 AM on December 16, 2001

So, I was testing out a theory of how long a thread can lie dormant and not actually be dead, and then, this happened. What is with the compulsion to check back later? And why do I feel a sense of pride for getting bitchslapped by "the man?"
posted by ColdChef at 6:50 AM on December 16, 2001

What's everyone's favorite letter? I like "f"
posted by geoff. at 1:59 PM on December 16, 2001

Geoff, you're absolutely right. There are twenty six letters and yet we have only a dozen posts to go.
So we should arrive, if mattpfeff is checking the numbers, well beyond a thousand. 1014? Though, of course, we'll never reach 11 hundred.
My favourite letter is U, as missing in our American friends' spelling. So we have F, we have U. Anyone for a Y?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:47 PM on December 16, 2001

If we've got an "F" and a "U," I'm willing to say that I can't decide between "C" and "K". They can both have the same hard sound, like in the word "LUCK."
posted by eyeballkid at 9:32 PM on December 16, 2001

schwa ....
posted by tj at 9:51 PM on December 16, 2001

From Miguel's blog:

Costumamos nós começar o dia com uma breve bisbilhotice via ICQ, em que fazemos o levantamento e

I don't speak the Portuguese, so I'm deprived of any clue about what is being said here, (not an entirely unusual state of affairs for me) but that's not my point. We're talking about favorite letters, here, and I'm gonna have to vote for that funky-lookin' "letter 'C' with a vestigal tail" that can be found in the word "comecar" in the above quote. What's that thing called, anyway?
posted by Optamystic at 1:07 AM on December 17, 2001

I'm going to have to go with "Letter From A Birmingham Jail".
posted by jpoulos at 7:37 AM on December 17, 2001

That explains why I had a dream about it.
posted by Optamystic at 7:40 AM on December 17, 2001

I like this letter, man.

(I am so, so, sorry for that.)
posted by ColdChef at 9:03 AM on December 17, 2001

I think we all know that every weblogger's favorite letter is "I". It's da letter-bomb!
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:36 AM on December 17, 2001

My username and domain name seem to betray a fondess for "k". But really I like the letter "z", mostly because of its archaic name - like "y" used to be known as "epsilon", "z" used to be known as "izzard". Plus it's a fun sound to make.
posted by kokogiak at 11:51 AM on December 17, 2001

Oh, and before we move past the thousand mark - a reminder: Monkeys are Sensitive. So stop teasing them.
posted by kokogiak at 11:59 AM on December 17, 2001

Is that "zed" or "zee" that you're thinking of?
posted by transient at 12:26 PM on December 17, 2001

We'll never reach...
posted by kokogiak at 12:48 PM on December 17, 2001

... 1,000 posts
posted by kokogiak at 12:48 PM on December 17, 2001

Someone needs to send Avagadro his
wake up call.
posted by ColdChef at 12:53 PM on December 17, 2001

Monkey
Monkey
Monkey
Monkey
Monkey
Monkey

damn your fast hands kokogiak!
posted by ColdChef at 1:01 PM on December 17, 2001

Someone needs to send Avagadro his
wake up call.

zuh?

/hits snooze bar, rolls over, snores
posted by Avogadro at 1:10 PM on December 17, 2001 [1 favorite has favorites]

We'll never reach 5,000.
posted by jpoulos at 2:26 PM on December 17, 2001

Oh no! We are not alone! Fuckin' fascists beat us to it again!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:24 PM on December 17, 2001

I can't read Portuguese, but I swear your last blog post is about drinking honey, aspirin and whiskey Miguel. What's up wit dat?
posted by eyeballkid at 9:42 AM on December 18, 2001

Ahh...ancient Portuguese ipecac, huh?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:01 PM on December 18, 2001

Speaking of blowing chunks...

I think the bestiality jokes and pornography are a nice match for the cute pink teddy bears.

But the "headshots" section wasn't...um...what I was hoping for.
posted by ColdChef at 12:39 PM on December 18, 2001

You wanted a match between between porn and cute pink teddy bears?

Don't ever say I didn't give you anything.

(but damnit, they don't have any monkeys!)
posted by eyeballkid at 1:28 PM on December 18, 2001

What's up wit dat?

Of course you read Portuguese. But for the benefit of the others:
It was my Irish Great Aunt Kate's cold remedy. You have to be in bed and very warm for it to work. Then you get someone to bring it to you, piping hot.
Two spoonfuls of honey, two shots of whisky, the juice of a whole lemon and two crushed Aspirins.
Next morning you stay in bed for an extra half-hour and, when you finally do get up, you're cured.
Honest. Never fails.

By the way, eyeballkid, thanks for rescuing me from that "Re.Drwittgenstein" nightmare over at the Yahoo Mefi Book Club. When I first looked I thought I was going to be lynched for my pretentious "nom de plume".

Though Kafkascampi, I ask you...!

why do I have the sudden feeling I've just ruined this thread?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:58 PM on December 18, 2001

Happy Holidays
posted by tj at 3:02 PM on December 19, 2001

Smarmy - yet useful link correction (I think you meant this: Happy Holidays)
posted by kokogiak at 3:42 PM on December 19, 2001

why do I have the sudden feeling I've just ruined this thread?

This is the funniest thing I've read today.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:00 AM on December 20, 2001

Another funny thing: long, but you shall enjoy (yes you shall):

A Tale of Two Cows:

---------------------------

CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

MICROSOFT: You buy the rights to two cows. You 'upgrade' them until they're bloated, unproductive and will only survive on MicrosoftFeed (tm). The milk they give can only be drunk from MicrosoftCups (tm) - Annoyingly, they keep getting a virus and dying.

APPLE: You have two cows. They're translucent! You can see all the guts and stuff. The cows cost more than other cows, but goddamn if they aren't the best-looking cows around.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows, but the milkmaid charges too much to milk them. You sell both cows, lay off the milkmaid, and move to mexico, where you can buy 100 cows and 20 milkmaids with the money and export it back to the States.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take your cows

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are an eleventh the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

TALIBAN ORGANIZATION: You have two cows. You load them up with explosives and herd them onto your neighbor's property where you blow them up. Your neighbor dies. You starve to death.

FREE AGENT: You have two cows. Despite the constant attention you pay them, there are frequent dry spells during which they don't give milk.

PINK SLIPPER: You have two cows. Suddenly they become a liability and you're forced to sell them on Ebay to pay your exorbitant rent.

DOT-COMMER: You have two cows. A week later you have two thousand cows. A week later you have none.

ENTREPRENEUR: You have two cows. You develop and launch tucows.com.

VENTURE CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You give them to the entrepreneur (see above).

CEO: You think you have two cows. You actually have two sheep, but no one's got the guts to tell you.

ANGEL INVESTOR: You have two cows. You give one to a start-up. The cow produces no milk. You exercise your exit option and get your cow back.

START-UP: You have two cows; your press release describes that as an IPO fast track.

START-UP II v2: You have two cows and 20 million in funding. publicly you promise 50 million gallons a year within two years, but privately you're still debating where the udders are and what they do.

DESIGNER: You have two cows. You move the udders to the side and paint them fluorescent yellow, hoping that will make the milking process more intuitive and fun.

PROGRAMMER: You have two cows. One keeps tipping over, yet nobody is pushing it. The other fails to yield any milk, despite being in good health. You spend nearly every waking minute trying to determine what is wrong with your cows and fixing them.

FILE SHARERS: You have two cows. You share clones of them with all the other herders in the pasture. The courts order the pasture closed for violating the copyright laws.

3D ARTISTS: We make our cows from scratch. They do what we want.

OPEN SOURCE: You have two cows. You invite other herders to improve your cows. You have two cows that are better than before.

GEORGE W. BUSH: One of your daddy's friends gives you two cows ...

NATIVE AMERICAN: You don't own two cows.

BUDDHIST: You are two cows.

ZEN: There are no cows.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
posted by kokogiak at 12:25 PM on December 20, 2001

Why don't you just go ahead and post that on every thread today, just for fun?
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:35 PM on December 20, 2001

Only my two favorites!
posted by kokogiak at 12:53 PM on December 20, 2001

Or maybe it's just that you think cows aren't as funny as monkeys. Well, scientifically speaking it can be proved otherwise.
posted by kokogiak at 1:00 PM on December 20, 2001

Or maybe it's just that you think cows aren't as funny as monkeys. Well, scientifically speaking it can be proved otherwise.
posted by kokogiak at 1:01 PM on December 20, 2001

Kill me.
posted by kokogiak at 1:02 PM on December 20, 2001

You have two posts... aaahh, nevermind...
posted by transient at 1:28 PM on December 20, 2001

My personal fave:

PORTUGESE CORPORATION: You have two cult novelists. Miguel is number two.



no, I don't get it either...
posted by jpoulos at 1:51 PM on December 20, 2001

Can you imagine 50 Portuguese Cult Novelists, I say 50 Portuguese Cult Novelists walking in, singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out?!

Friends, they may think it's a movement - and that's what it is: The Portuguese Cult Novelist Anti-Massacree Movement and all you got to do to join is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guee-tar.

With feeling.

"You can get anything you chew
At 9622
You can get anything you knew
at 9622
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile
from the shaven yak.

You can get some monkeys on you
at 9622.
–excepting baboons–
You can get anything that's blue
at Ninety-six...Twenty Twoooo!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:40 PM on December 20, 2001

Um. No baboons? I want baboons. Your monkeycentric culture will not supress the natural affinity we all have for baboons. Baboons. Baboons. Say "baboons". Then say "monkeys". See what I mean? Case closed. Give us baboons.
posted by skyscraper at 5:11 PM on December 20, 2001

posted by jpoulos at 7:25 PM on December 20, 2001

ugh. sorry for the gif. I should have used the jpg.
posted by jpoulos at 7:26 PM on December 20, 2001

posted by jpoulos at 7:41 PM on December 20, 2001

What is the evolutionary benefit of having a Bright Blue and Red face? It either says "Scary as Hell badass" or "Freaky Clown". Or perhaps both. (I feel the urge to say something about two cows...)
posted by kokogiak at 11:25 PM on December 20, 2001

You have two asses. One is blue and one is magenta.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:09 AM on December 21, 2001

how did you know?
posted by tj at 9:36 AM on December 21, 2001

I just can't remember which is formal and which is casual. It's nice to have an ass you can dress up or down, as the occasion suits.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:27 AM on December 21, 2001

That baboon has a better dental plan than I do.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:42 PM on December 21, 2001

is it safe?
posted by tj at 9:27 PM on December 25, 2001

Yes the Claus Entity has come and gone.
posted by kokogiak at 11:26 PM on December 25, 2001

*yawn* [stretch] *groan*

what was in that eggnog?
posted by jpoulos at 8:16 AM on December 26, 2001

Man! I just flew in from San Jose!

can a brother get a punch line?

and a Heineken?
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:26 PM on December 26, 2001

You have two Heinekens...
posted by kokogiak at 11:23 PM on December 26, 2001

Wait a minute. I've heard that one...

One Heineken always lies and one always tells the truth. What question do you ask to figure out which is which?

Remember...Dutch beer LIES! Now that nice Belgian Stella...she always tells the truth.
posted by Kafkaesque at 7:18 PM on December 27, 2001

Happy Nude Year!
posted by ColdChef at 11:02 PM on December 27, 2001

Talk about a thread killer. It's gone all creepy and flaccid in here.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:00 PM on December 28, 2001

I miss the monkeys. I don't like the creepy sacks. Miguel doesn't like the ( . ) ( . ) 's.
posted by eyeballkid at 7:50 PM on December 28, 2001

Towards a Hardening of Public Attitude: Creepy Monkey ( . ) .
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:17 PM on December 28, 2001

Hap-Hap-Hap-py New Blinkin' Year!

2002 - the first palindromic year since 1991 (and before that, what ... 1881?) It'll be 110 years until we see the next one (2112). Most likely you and me and everyone we now know will be dead by then.

Lovely thoughts after a week of depressing 'year-end-wrap-up' news. G'night.
posted by kokogiak at 3:01 AM on January 1, 2002

Cheers, kokogiak!

The last palindromic year was 1991. We've been talking about what a good year it was over on that unmentionable unquestionably other thread. You know, the Onion one we post to just because our beloved mattpfeff has been cruelly impeded from posting here, to his natural habitat. You did know he's made a clearing there for us nine sixers, didn't you?

By the way, your optimistic "most likely" made my new year! Who knows, indeed? One thing is certain: this thread will still be here to haunt our misbehavin' grandchildren!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:06 PM on January 1, 2002

Did anyone notice what this thread points to now? Warning... Porn in them thar hills. I emailed Matt about it weeks ago, but I guess he rather leave it. Too funny...
posted by Meta Filter Server at 6:38 PM on January 2, 2002

You wouldn't happen to work for the folks who made that ad, would you, MFS? Reveal Thyself!
posted by jpoulos at 7:09 PM on January 2, 2002

The game is afoot!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:34 PM on January 2, 2002

The foot is agape! The mouth is inserted! The hole of the truth is uncovered!

*sound of half-morphed roaches scuttling/stepping across the #006699*
posted by eyeballkid at 2:15 AM on January 3, 2002

*sound of half-morphed roaches scuttling/stepping across the #006699*

The soul of Gregor Samsa does indeed live on, brothers.

And the applause for a return to form in this thread is deafening!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:35 AM on January 3, 2002

monkeys
posted by jpoulos at 10:50 AM on January 3, 2002

hrm... so how is everybody doing?
posted by tj at 1:22 PM on January 3, 2002

Can't talk. Morphing.
posted by transient at 5:08 PM on January 3, 2002

9622: C'mon and raise up. Take your shirt off. Twist it 'round your hand. Spin it like a helicopter.

9622: C'mon and raise up. This one's for you. (This one's for who?) Us. Us. US!

Wow... I just morphed into Petey Pablo...
posted by jpoulos at 5:58 PM on January 3, 2002

jaw...hurt...bad...

More codeine! MORE!!
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:18 PM on January 3, 2002

Did anyone notice what this thread points to now?

If that little white, err marital aide, resembles Steve. Well, lets just say I'd hate to be Steve.
posted by skallas at 2:09 AM on January 4, 2002

posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:06 PM on January 4, 2002

I'd just like to say that (shadow's one-for-the-gipper, old-college-try aside) this thread is really starting to underachieve. You people better start shaking your butts, or there'll be hell to pay.

What is that? A pledge pin? ON YOUR UNIFORM?????
posted by jpoulos at 12:30 PM on January 4, 2002

sorry, I spent the day watching lawnmower racing on speedvision today
posted by tj at 4:32 PM on January 4, 2002

Monkey + Farts= MonkeyFarts
posted by ColdChef at 9:52 AM on January 5, 2002

Man! You kill all the threads.
posted by Kafkaesque at 3:19 PM on January 7, 2002

I just wanna be loved, is that so wrong?
I'm sorry...
posted by ColdChef at 7:36 PM on January 7, 2002

All right, what in THE HELL...Two days without a post? What's wrong with you? Come on! Do it for Texas!

Besides, now that Spoonfed's down, this is becoming my blog.
posted by solistrato at 7:32 PM on January 9, 2002

look (.swf)
posted by jpoulos at 7:41 PM on January 9, 2002

I just wanna be loved

Oh but you are, you are!

Y'all click on jpoulos's link now. I'd effing-peepee this but I just posted a stupid clock; big lug that I am.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:04 PM on January 9, 2002

That was inspirational.

I'm gonna go start a paper route right now!

Why did they have to soil that brilliance with the "j00" crap??!
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:21 PM on January 9, 2002

Miguel: Right back at ya, man.

K: Yeah, I was a little offput by the "fairy" reference, but I'm a happy red monkee otherwise.
posted by ColdChef at 9:27 PM on January 9, 2002

no one ever gives me mad props anymore... ok, I don't deserve them lately, but so what?

Oh! and jpoulos, you're my hero for that swf....
but I'm going to have nightmares now, cause that song was more than a little creepy
posted by tj at 12:25 AM on January 11, 2002

k, that was "l33t sp33k"... amazing how wannabe gamer dorks pick up on stuff that was annoying back in '89 isn't it?
posted by tj at 12:26 AM on January 11, 2002

9622: how wannabe gamer dorks pick up on stuff that was annoying back in '89

for I have 1337 ali3n4ti0n skillz...
posted by j.edwards at 11:38 PM on January 13, 2002

i like it when the monkey wiggles his butt.
posted by jpoulos at 2:00 PM on January 14, 2002

monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey

whew! had to get that out of my system
posted by tj at 10:46 AM on January 15, 2002

Well thanks, tj, for getting the ball rolling again. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:17 PM on January 15, 2002

Where the hell is Kafkaesque? Is he off lost in a codeine-induced funk? Again?
posted by jpoulos at 12:19 PM on January 15, 2002

mungki munky monkee monqui munnkey munkie monkey maunckee monkhee mongke mungky mungki munky monkee monqui munnkey munkie monkey maunckee monkhee mongke mungky mungki munky monkee monqui munnkey munkie monkey maunckee monkhee mongke mungky.

whee-yu! haed two ghet thadt aut uv mai siss-tum.
posted by kokogiak at 1:18 PM on January 15, 2002

Where the hell is Kafkaesque?

Yeah, kokogiac on an off-day is just not the same. :)

And we need to find a way of bringing cool mattpfeff back on board if we entertain any hope of reaching 1100 and, eventually, the years we were all born in.

Hell, even if we only entertain, period. Which we're not doing. Apart from jpoulos.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:15 PM on January 15, 2002

I don't get the mattpfeff thing. What can't he post again?
posted by jpoulos at 4:20 PM on January 15, 2002

He suffers from a technical disability which prevents him. He tried that other thread we all know nothing about; but it's not the same.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:34 PM on January 15, 2002

the years we were all born in.

Of course, we've already done mine. *feeds on blood of the living*
posted by j.edwards at 5:11 PM on January 15, 2002

Can't he use a different browser?
posted by jpoulos at 6:30 PM on January 15, 2002

Can't he use a different browser?

Only if you ask him very nicely. And if IE craps out on him when he's previewing a comment in MeTa and he has to force quit and lose it. And if he really wants to tell all you slackers that if you'd checked Kafkaesque's website you'd know he was away for a week....
posted by mattpfeff at 9:04 PM on January 15, 2002

Well, mattpfeff, looks like you'll have to do.

Kafka sometimes dances and stuff for us. Just to make us smile. Can you do that?
posted by jpoulos at 9:33 PM on January 15, 2002

Knock. Yourselves. Out!

P.S. Opera is cool, especially when scrolling, but it missizes any font with size specified in (like on this site). Though it helped me notice I'd put some of my <a> styles backward in the stylesheet on my site....
posted by mattpfeff at 9:48 PM on January 15, 2002

argh. size specified in px, that is. Dunno where that text went.... Danged Opera browser. Did I mention it's impossible to read text typed into text fields with it? Letters look like squished ants.

(This is of course all part of Cardoso's sinister plot to reach 1,356,048,784 (his age in seconds). Let me be the first to say, we'll never reach 1,356,048,784. Not ever.)
posted by mattpfeff at 9:55 PM on January 15, 2002

We're grateful for your efforts to join us. It's been awfully lonely around here recently. BTW, Opera for Windows is exceptional. You should buy a PC. Do it for the cause, man.

E-le-ven Thou-sand! E-le-ven Thou-sand!
posted by jpoulos at 7:12 AM on January 16, 2002

To make, how you say?, celebration for mattpfeff's homecoming, here is French cutting-edge avant-garde animation monkey coming up!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:31 AM on January 16, 2002

Adam Ant may have gone mental. This provided the opportunity for me to read my favorite sentence so far this year: "Under the Mental Health Act, doctors will be able to hold Ant for 28 days while they assess his condition."

Generally, I can only hold ant for a couple of hours or so.
posted by kokogiak at 10:16 AM on January 16, 2002

Ah yes, but ant can hold chip much longer!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:43 PM on January 16, 2002

HEY! It's us!
posted by jpoulos at 9:13 AM on January 17, 2002

Well if that isn't find of the century, nothing is! Just this once, couldn't the image be posted here, lest we forget?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:47 AM on January 17, 2002

only for you, my friend:

posted by jpoulos at 12:11 PM on January 17, 2002

"9622: Both Scatalogical and Involves Monkeys"
posted by jpoulos at 12:14 PM on January 17, 2002

Dude, this thread is getting old. On a lighter note: I'd give my left nut to give this kid a stickpin.
posted by ColdChef at 12:56 PM on January 17, 2002

How bored can you get? This bored - anagrams for "nine thousand six hundred twenty two":

Extended inanity hurts! Shut down now!

Nutty sex on withdrawn hedonist nude.
posted by skyscraper at 2:20 PM on January 17, 2002

I would like to publicly condemn ColdChef for suggesting that Scatalogical Monkey should be the MeFi Mascot. Silly Chef, it's the 9622 mascot.

sorry, it's the margaritas
posted by eyeballkid at 4:43 PM on January 17, 2002

Seconded. And that "thread is getting old" comment was way out of line too. But will he be the first aboard the Jazzy 1100? We just don't know.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:48 PM on January 17, 2002

Who you callin' grumpy?
posted by Optamystic at 5:44 PM on January 17, 2002

I had pancakes tonight with my son. Pancakes smothered with strawberries, maple syrup, whipped cream, and a big, fat vanilla milkshake.

Word.
posted by adampsyche at 6:44 PM on January 17, 2002

I used to love it when my mom had to work late and my dad would cook. The only thing he knew how to cook was pancakes, and he had learned to cook those in the Army, so he whipped up collossal batches, and supervised his five sons as we spooned our own pancakes onto the grill, making goofy shapes with the batter. Then we would eat them with peanut butter and strawberry jam and wash them down with huge tumblers of milk.

Good times.
posted by Optamystic at 7:02 PM on January 17, 2002

Jazzy 1100 Features
* Speed range adjustable up to 4.5 m.p.h. (VROOM!)
* Mag wheels (Oh yeah...)
* Numerous seating options I wonder if this is one of them.

I'd also like to publically apologize for trying to give away our mascot. I was just looking for a way to use the phrase "I'd give my left nut..." So...I'm sorry. I'd give my left nut to take it back.
posted by ColdChef at 7:05 PM on January 17, 2002

I need a life.
posted by jpoulos at 7:07 PM on January 17, 2002

Oh, and the anagram thing?
How bored can you get? This bored - anagrams for "nine thousand six hundred twenty two":
Extended inanity hurts! Shut down now!

Pure fucking genius! That one comment made me laugh more than almost any other in this entire thread. Brava!
posted by ColdChef at 7:09 PM on January 17, 2002 [1 favorite has favorites]

You did it again, Cold Chef. No wonder I love you. But will your future wife understand? :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:28 PM on January 17, 2002

Hey, you're over 1100 comments! r0x0r l33t ph34r

That's about all the hax0rsp34k I know.
posted by solistrato at 8:03 PM on January 17, 2002

jpoulos - I understand the pancakes in the monkey's left hand (nice touch with the blueberries and all). But what's up with the Snickers bar in his right hand? Some scatological reference, like the unabashed swimming pool scene in Caddyshack? Or, maybe he just likes Snickers.

Now that we have a mascot, 9622 needs a sponsor. I nominate Enron, since it's fucked-up, huge, confusing and is looked down upon. They could maybe afford a TextAd...
posted by kokogiak at 8:30 PM on January 17, 2002

It's actually a breakfast sausage, to go with the pancakes. But I intended it to bear a resemblance to something, um, scatological. Dude. It's art.

Enron is ideal. Any company that could potentially bring down the Bush presidency is OK in my book.
posted by jpoulos at 9:28 PM on January 17, 2002

posted by y2karl at 11:27 PM on January 17, 2002

We'll never reach 1200.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:57 AM on January 18, 2002

Monkey with scatalogical humor. {at least my wife thinks so}
posted by eyeballkid at 9:47 AM on January 18, 2002

Huh? What?

OK. I'm back. Hide yer poultry!

Love the monkey, JP.

I have grown in such new and exciting ways in the last week. For example, I discovered that the only thing worse than a weekend in Atlantic City is a WEEK in Atlantic City.

*shudder*
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:11 PM on January 18, 2002

Hooray, he's back. Nay, they're both back!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:39 PM on January 18, 2002

That ingrate never gave me dime one of his mega-opera-star riches either. But..but it's OK. He's moved on to bigger and better chimp things, as chimps are wont to do. Last I heard he was going to make a movie with an action star whose career is starting to lag.
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:18 PM on January 18, 2002

As it's 1111, can I say LOL?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:20 PM on January 18, 2002

OK, time for me to spout off. I understand using shorthand when you're on IRC or any Instant Messaging client, but I find the whole LOL, ROFLMAO, etc. thing EXTREMELY annoying in any email I recieve.. if it's worth saying, then type the shit out.... (that, and a prepostion is a bad thing to end a sentence with)

Why are we as a culture (meaning the 'internet culture' if there is such a thing) continuing to be lazy as hell with everything, right down to personal correspondance?

Or am I just being a dick about this? (that is a serious question)
posted by tj at 1:03 AM on January 19, 2002

You are not a dick. You are, however, takin' this shit a little too seriously.
posted by Optamystic at 3:52 AM on January 19, 2002

Oh my dear god.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:28 AM on January 19, 2002

Cliq aki pra escutar ele dando sua famosa risada.
posted by y2karl at 8:52 PM on January 19, 2002

I guess that was more interesting than the shiny red X, karl, but "accesso probido" is still not too illuminating.

Thanks for playing though.
posted by