You know how to whistle, right?

October 1, 2010 8:48 AM

Five girls, one camera. No nudity, no props, no guys. Masturbating. That is all. (NOT SAFE FOR WORK.)
posted by loquacious (63 comments total)

Why isn't this safe for work?

Just wear headphones.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:50 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

NOT SAFE FOR DELAWARE!
posted by Naberius at 8:52 AM on October 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

The title of this post makes me think it's going to be like one of those skeevy Calvin Klein ads with the wood paneling.
posted by Beardman at 8:58 AM on October 1, 2010

All these shampoo ads are the same.
posted by Elmore at 8:58 AM on October 1, 2010 [11 favorites]

Ceiling cat is getting more interesting work these days. Good to know.
posted by heyho at 8:59 AM on October 1, 2010 [12 favorites]

!!!
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:59 AM on October 1, 2010

Are these girls even out of high school?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:00 AM on October 1, 2010

I find it interesting that they all move their heads away from each other as they get more aroused.

Also, the woman in the bottom right is ... different. It's hard to tell any real group dynamics from one masturbation video but I wonder if this whole thing was her idea.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:04 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Are these girls even out of high school?

If they were, wouldn't they be women?
posted by mrgrimm at 9:05 AM on October 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

And, c'mon, this whole thing reeks of college.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:05 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Are these girls even out of high school?

Beautiful Agony is one of the more legit porn sites AFAIK, so I doubt there's any issue there.
posted by afx237vi at 9:05 AM on October 1, 2010

"Sex education"? "Humanities"? "Science"? I'm failing to see how this isn't just porn.
posted by naju at 9:06 AM on October 1, 2010 [4 favorites]

Coven of witches. In part 2 they tell you your future.
posted by 2bucksplus at 9:06 AM on October 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

wet cleanup in the glasses aisle!
posted by orme at 9:08 AM on October 1, 2010

Christine O’Donnel would not approve.
posted by Fizz at 9:09 AM on October 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

If I were one of them, I would have pranked the rest by ordering pizza about thirty minutes before they filmed it.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 9:09 AM on October 1, 2010 [7 favorites]

In part 2 they tell you your future.

In part three they run for public office on an ultra-conservative platform.
posted by clarknova at 9:10 AM on October 1, 2010 [9 favorites]

You know, this is a nice antidote to a lot of the porn debates we've been seeing lately. Particularly the ones in which claims are made that consuming porn locks you into specific fetishes, or limits your ability to express desire, or leads you down a road towards more and more extreme representations of violent sexuality. Me, I like some variety, and I like to be pleasantly surprised. I've seen a lot of things online, some of them to my taste and some of them not, but every once in a while I'll come across something simple and unexpected and think to myself "Mississippi GODDAMN! That's hot!"

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my bunk.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:10 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm a gay dude and I still think this is fantastic.
posted by andoatnp at 9:13 AM on October 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm failing to see how this isn't just porn.

Pornography is nigh impossible to define. Try it.

I think one of the interesting points here is that there is no visual sexual action. The audio may be pornographic, but what about the video with the sound off?

Can women's faces be pornographic?
posted by mrgrimm at 9:15 AM on October 1, 2010

No cookie?
posted by dr_dank at 9:16 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Tell me I'm not the only one that wants to see a small bowl of cocktail sauce in the middle, on a larger plate and circled by an arrangement of fresh shrimp. Symmetry is hot.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:17 AM on October 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

In part 2 they tell you your future.

In part three they run for public office on an ultra-conservative platform.

you forgot the Satan picnic!
posted by Artw at 9:19 AM on October 1, 2010

I'll believe it when I smell it.
posted by digsrus at 9:23 AM on October 1, 2010

Pornography is nigh impossible to define.

That's why I'm not going to try to define it. However, this appears to be one of many porn offerings, marketed as porn, by a well-known porn company, featuring, presumably, porn actors.
posted by naju at 9:24 AM on October 1, 2010

Is this what cuddle parties for the horny and agoraphobic have devolved into?
posted by wcfields at 9:26 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

However, this appears to be one of many porn offerings, marketed as porn, by a well-known porn company, featuring, presumably, porn actors.

So Porn-lite?
posted by Fizz at 9:26 AM on October 1, 2010

And?
posted by BeerFilter at 9:28 AM on October 1, 2010

I think it's just more accurate to say that it's a video of five ladies masturbating, showing only their faces (and a bit of side boob on one). The whole notion of "porn" might need to be gotten rid of in favor or more descriptive language.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:28 AM on October 1, 2010

Can women's faces be pornographic?

If I can tell that one of them faked it, it's porn.
posted by atbash at 9:29 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'll have what they're having.
posted by crunchland at 9:30 AM on October 1, 2010

Can women's faces be pornographic?

Yes. Yes they can. Whew. *deep exhale*
posted by infinitewindow at 9:32 AM on October 1, 2010

Well, maybe the reason we shouldn't do away with the notion of "porn" is that it matters. Okay, hypothetically, what if these girls were underage? Is it still worth defending?
posted by naju at 9:33 AM on October 1, 2010

loquacious, I don't think this is quite what we had in mind when talking about color wheels in the ink thread..
posted by Ahab at 9:33 AM on October 1, 2010

Just porn?
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:34 AM on October 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

...and then, one of the Abby Winters models said, "Let's do something really kinky..."
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:34 AM on October 1, 2010

hypothetically, what if these girls were underage?

If they're not, why entertain this hypothetical?
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:35 AM on October 1, 2010

Can women's faces be pornographic?

Apparently... in some parts of the Middle East.


Tumblr is blocked at my office, can someone describe it for me... thoroughly?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 9:36 AM on October 1, 2010

Also, the woman in the bottom right is ...

One of these kids is doing his own thing...
posted by bionic.junkie at 9:36 AM on October 1, 2010

My brain is turned on by that.
posted by acheekymonkey at 9:38 AM on October 1, 2010

If they're not, why entertain this hypothetical?

Because if we'd be uncomfortable with this and call it "child porn" if underage girls are involved, but it's "humanities" and not porn at all if adult women are involved, that doesn't make sense. Right? But I guess this is getting into weird territory, so maybe nevermind. I didn't flag the post anyway.
posted by naju at 9:40 AM on October 1, 2010

I'm curious is there one of guys doing this. I'd be curious if they could even get five straight guys together like tis.
posted by nomadicink at 9:41 AM on October 1, 2010

I'm definitely in the minority here, I found it really squicky. Trying way too hard. It's so...clinical. Like they're trying to look and sound how they think you should look and sound when you have an orgasm. Ugh. *goes to scrub brain*
posted by iconomy at 9:43 AM on October 1, 2010

Like they're trying to look and sound how they think you should look and sound when you have an orgasm.

Appeasement is hawt!
posted by nomadicink at 9:47 AM on October 1, 2010

I can't be the only one who's wondering if this link is an experience all of MetaFilter really needs to share together. This thread is already uncomfortably boyzone in nature to me.
posted by flex at 9:48 AM on October 1, 2010 [4 favorites]

if underage girls are involved

I'm still puzzled as to where this "if" is coming from.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:55 AM on October 1, 2010

I can't be the only one who's wondering if this link is an experience all of MetaFilter really needs to share together.

Perhaps a MetaTalk thread would be more appropriate for that discussion.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:57 AM on October 1, 2010

Always leave room for moral outrage.
posted by basicchannel at 9:58 AM on October 1, 2010

I'm curious is there one of guys doing this. I'd be curious if they could even get five straight guys together like this.

You're wondering if it's possible to find a video of five male porn actors jerking off? Is this your first day on the internet?
posted by ryanrs at 9:58 AM on October 1, 2010 [14 favorites]

However, this appears to be one of many porn offerings, marketed as porn, by a well-known porn company, featuring, presumably, porn actors.

It also appears to be original content that is not being hosted by the original content provider.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:58 AM on October 1, 2010

I'm curious is there one of guys doing this. I'd be curious if they could even get five straight guys together like tis.

I think they're called "fraternities"
posted by device55 at 10:00 AM on October 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

I can't be the only one who's wondering if this link is an experience all of MetaFilter really needs to share together. This thread is already uncomfortably boyzone in nature to me.

Isn't that what Metatalk threads are for?

You're wondering if it's possible to find a video of five male porn actors jerking off?

No, I'm wondering if a video similar to this one exists, but extend of women, there are men.
posted by nomadicink at 10:00 AM on October 1, 2010

I'm curious is there one of guys doing this. I'd be curious if they could even get five straight guys together like tis.

You've never been an enclosed all-male setting when hormones are hitting peak levels, have you?
posted by The Whelk at 10:00 AM on October 1, 2010

Extend of women, indeed!
posted by basicchannel at 10:01 AM on October 1, 2010

Yeah, that's pretty hot. Beautiful Agony has a really good gimmick there that they've been working for a few years now. I think they're doing ALRIGHT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SQUIRTING NOISE!?
posted by fatbird at 10:02 AM on October 1, 2010 [2 favorites]

I agree that there is a risk of nudge nudge wink wink humor in this thread. I would caution that treating something like this as an opportunity for locker room comedy genuinely runs the risk of alienating women, who presumably also have something to say here.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:03 AM on October 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

No, I'm wondering if a video similar to this one exists, but extend of women, there are men.

It's called C-SPAN.
posted by condour75 at 10:03 AM on October 1, 2010 [13 favorites]

I'm still puzzled as to where this "if" is coming from.

Not clear? It's entirely hypothetical but also coming from the discussion we've been having, AZ. Maybe that discussion shouldn't be happening in a thread where people want to get off or make jokes, and if so I apologize.

See, check it: Burhanistan: The whole notion of "porn" might need to be gotten rid of

We can't say this but also say certain kinds of porn should still be recognized.

And as I said earlier, I find the tags in this post to be odd, assuming they're not a joke: "SexEducation", "Humanities", etc. It's porn, which might be fine (not against the guidelines, I guess?) but call it as it is. Anyway that's my piece, carry on y'all.
posted by naju at 10:03 AM on October 1, 2010

It's called C-SPAN.

Then again, this sort of joke is excellent.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:03 AM on October 1, 2010

So I suppose if Burhanistan has said "I wonder if those women are even alive" the discussion would then have been about necrophilia.

I submit that unless there is compelling reason to suggest that somebody has posted illegal pornography to MetaFilter, it might be a derail, and an especially tricky one at that.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:06 AM on October 1, 2010

I admit it's tricky. If I can't say it's "entirely hypothetical" twice and still not have you believe me, then I gladly drop it.
posted by naju at 10:07 AM on October 1, 2010

You seem to be missing my point, which is that there is no real reason to be discussing underage porn when there is no evidence of it, and compelling reasons not to, so I shall drop it as well.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:09 AM on October 1, 2010

Wow.

This is simultaneously interesting, aesthetically pleasing, a little uncomfortable and disquieting, exhilarating, a bit embarrassing, and feels like an indulgence.

Sounds like art to me.

It's also devastatingly hawt, which sounds like porn to me.

Life is complicated. Everything is grey.
posted by discountfortunecookie at 10:11 AM on October 1, 2010 [7 favorites]