“Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.”

October 8, 2010 1:50 PM

Robots Guarding US Nuclear Stockpile "The US National Nuclear Security Administration recently announced that it has started using autonomous robot vehicles to patrol the vast desert surrounding its Nevada National Security Site (NNSS). The 1360+ square miles of territory is home to millions of tons of low grade nuclear waste, as well as Cold War Era nuclear weapons, and cutting edge nuclear testing research. Guarding those precious nuclear materials is the Mobile Detection Assessment Response System (MDARS) robot, which is essentially a camera on a mini-Hummer. The MDARS can roam and scout the desert on its own, alerting a remote operator when it encounters something that shouldn’t be there (two headed coyote?). Human controllers get real time video feed form the bot and can communicate with trespassers using speakers and a microphone. There’s just one MDARS robot on patrol now, but NNSA plans on adding two more in the next six months." Via: [Singularity Hub]
posted by Fizz (25 comments total)

Have these people never seen a sci-fi movie ever?
posted by The Whelk at 1:53 PM on October 8, 2010 [8 favorites]

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"
posted by Fizz at 1:54 PM on October 8, 2010

"What do you think this is, human? A game?"
posted by griphus at 1:56 PM on October 8, 2010

It was either that, or work at IKEA.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:58 PM on October 8, 2010

Come with me if you want to live.
posted by fremen at 1:59 PM on October 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

On the upside, the Nuka-Cola is cool and refreshing.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:06 PM on October 8, 2010 [5 favorites]

play this in the background: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jaWPQ3Z7FE

whooo iissss johhhnnnyyyyyyy?
posted by kakarott999 at 2:08 PM on October 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I for one......
posted by wuwei at 2:08 PM on October 8, 2010

I worked for a few months at a company that was trying to make something like this. It's surprisingly easy to build a control system that will drive a car, especially if you don't mind spending a few thousand dollars on a DGPS base station so you get GPS locations within a centimeter or two. I recall the big problems are these:

1) You need a high-precision accelerometer so you can keep your position updated during the inevitable occasional GPS dropout. If you're a US company, it's illegal to export high-precision accelerometers, so you've lost your entire international market right there. Also no foreigners can work on the product or do maintenance.

2) You're afraid of running someone over. So you install laser proximity sensors, and program the thing to stop when one detects an object. What do you does it do after it stops? Do you require a human being to drive out and give the all clear every single time an obstruction is detected? If you reactivate remotely and someone is (say) passed out in front of the thing, are you liable when they get squashed? This kind of stuff gives lawyers fits.

Using autonomous vehicles to patrol military bases in the desert seems like one of few practical applications of the technology, since there's no international export and no fear of running over innocent civilians. I've heard the next big application is supposed to be autonomous dune buggies patrolling the US-Mexico border. We're still pretty far from autonomous vehicles driving around on city streets along with regular traffic.

I stopped working there and the company folded, so my insider's knowledge is pretty dated.
posted by miyabo at 2:13 PM on October 8, 2010 [6 favorites]

A robot Hummer guarding nuclear materials: What could possibly go wrong?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:13 PM on October 8, 2010

Oops, I acidentally connected the robot to Skynet. My bad.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 2:15 PM on October 8, 2010

But are they programmed not to run over bunny rabbits?
posted by slackdog at 2:16 PM on October 8, 2010

I'm pretty sure I remember when the predator drone came out that it would only be used for "reconnaissance purposes" and never have an armed payload.... Just sayin.
posted by Big_B at 2:17 PM on October 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Aw, man, I hated the sentry guns in Fallout.
posted by klangklangston at 2:25 PM on October 8, 2010

I've heard the next big application is supposed to be autonomous dune buggies patrolling the US-Mexico border.

"STOP WHERE YOU ARE. YES, WE KNOW, FOR EXAMPLE, THAT THE TIRES ON THIS MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR DUNE BUGGY WERE PROBABLY MADE IN FACTORY STAFFED BY ILLEGALS. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO LIVE HERE. MAY I INTEREST YOU IN A GUEST-WORKER PROGRAM WITH A FIVE-YEAR WAITING LIST? WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T. STOP. DAMMIT, THEY FLIPPED ME OVER AGAIN. HELP."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:42 PM on October 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

That's cool as long as they equip us survivor with portal guns.
posted by Mister_A at 2:47 PM on October 8, 2010

Robots Guarding US Nuclear Stockpile

NNSS isn't where the stockpile is stored. Active weapons are on actual delivery systems or bunkers near those systems. Active and Inactive Stockpile weapons are stored at PANTEX in Texas.

There might be a couple of warheads at NNSS, but really what's there is a bunch of radioactive holes. The former name of NNSS was NTS, the National Test Site, and it's chock full of radioactive holes.
posted by eriko at 3:24 PM on October 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Have these people never seen a sci-fi movie ever?

I read this story a couple of days ago and this was verbatim the words that came to mind.

I'm torn as to whether it'll be some sort of radiation leak that damages the robot circuits, flipping them into the ever-present "kill mode", or (more likely) if the chemicals inside slowly covert unsuspecting nearby humans and animals into some kind of mutant zombie attack hoard which will storm the wire, fighting against the robots, right before the aliens land and just decide to wipe out the entire site as being too dangerous to deal with.

This, of course, will really upset the demons living underneath.

Shorter; it's bad.
posted by quin at 3:34 PM on October 8, 2010

I'm glad BitterOldPunk saved me the trouble of making a Fallout reference, because that's the first thing that sprang into my mind after reading this.
posted by dortmunder at 3:36 PM on October 8, 2010

Sure. "guarding" the nuclear reactor . . .

I'll bet anything the robots volunteered for the job.
posted by jeremias at 4:26 PM on October 8, 2010

DROP YOUR WEAPON. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY.
posted by brundlefly at 4:50 PM on October 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

No cost of living increase for the elderly on Social Security, but plenty of toys for boys...I was looking on Google Earth, and at one time there was a layer the pointed out those radioactive holes, or ex-detonation sites. Highway 93 north of Las Vegas, goes within a block of one detonation site. I love highway 93, it beats driving down through Utah, to get to Southern California.
posted by Oyéah at 6:00 PM on October 8, 2010

WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T. STOP. DAMMIT, THEY FLIPPED ME OVER AGAIN. HELP.

Holden: The robot lays there on its carapace, its shiny metal ass baking in the hot sun, flailing its little robotic limbs helplessly because it can't get up unless you help it. And you're not helping it!

Leon: Whaddaya mean I'm not helpin' it?

Holden: I mean, you're not helping it! Why is that, Leon?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:17 PM on October 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

The MDARS can roam and scout the desert on its own, alerting a remote operator when it encounters something that shouldn’t be there

like, that human operator?
posted by russm at 6:18 AM on October 9, 2010

Related: Google Cars Drive Themselves
posted by slackdog at 12:35 PM on October 9, 2010 [1 favorite]