A fleet of UFOs expected to arrive today.

October 13, 2010 1:46 AM

Today is the day that extraterrestrials make contact with Earth! According to a retired NORAD officer who has studied alien phenomenon since WW2, a fleet of UFOs will perform a massive display for hours over the world's principal cities today, the first step in mankind's acceptance of alien existence. Drawing upon his military experience and a wealth of historical data from NORAD intelligence, Stanley Fulham has concluded in his recently published book, Challenges of Change, that October 13, 2010 is the date of first contact. Although they won't land or communicate today (so as not to cause a worldwide panic), the aliens come with the benevolent intention of saving humans from ecological disaster. Hoopy froods should know where their towels are.
posted by johnnyace (188 comments total)

Oh hey guys, my ride's here. This was fun, stay in touch, later.
posted by The Whelk at 1:54 AM on October 13, 2010 [28 favorites]

It would seem the aliens know us well, at least here in the USA:

Scenario 1: Mysterious craft perform aeronautic feats over major cities without a word as to what it's all about.
Outcome: Mild panic.

Scenario 2: As above, with explanation: "We come in peace, bringing riches and solutions to your problems, earthlings."
Outcome: "GODDAMN SOCIALISTS!"
posted by maxwelton at 1:58 AM on October 13, 2010 [32 favorites]

the aliens come with the benevolent intention of saving humans from ecological disaster

By laying eggs in our chests, which pop out to say hello? I'll have a slice of the soylent cake, instead, cheers.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:01 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

I, for one, welcome our alien overlords.
posted by Catblack at 2:07 AM on October 13, 2010

"Fulham has been in contact with a distinguished foreign ambassador who read the book with great interest and dispatched it to his home government, where it was translated and studied by hundreds of their top government officials."

I really wish this were true.

Though why the fuck it belongs in a news article...which is why we need editors. Somebody should have demanded either a cite or quotes.

The other best bit "One revelation is al Qaeda has a dirty nuclear bomb and WMD, but faces a moral quandary over “containment of collateral damages.”"
posted by Peztopiary at 2:13 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Waiting for a lecture to start, I once overheard a girl talk to her friend about what she had done during the summer (it was late September, I think). Apparently, she had spent a few months in a Psychiatric hospital: she had severe depression and she had become convinced that everything good that had ever happened to her was the work of aliens. As a result, she just sat around all day doing nothing, waiting for the aliens to come and fix everything, including small things like doing the dishes. She assured her friend she was better now; she had help -- real help, not from the aliens.

Every time someone makes the claim that some sort of Deus ex machina will be the solution to all global (environmental, ecological etc) problems, I'm reminded of this girl.
posted by daniel_charms at 2:13 AM on October 13, 2010 [31 favorites]

We come in peace to do the dishes.
posted by i_cola at 2:16 AM on October 13, 2010 [39 favorites]

He's Canadian.
posted by pracowity at 2:19 AM on October 13, 2010

It's foggy here in Dublin at the moment so I can neither confirm nor deny their presence.
posted by nfg at 2:21 AM on October 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Looking at the Challenges of Change site, I can't help but wonder: Do people intentionally employ that "I'm a lunatic" design? The multi-colored, bolded, underlined and centered text is beyond cliché, don't they know? Does this look convey to a certain set of people, "this is where you'll find the truth they don't want you to know"? Are there any UFO/conspiracy/new age sites out there with a clean, modern design?
posted by knave at 2:21 AM on October 13, 2010 [10 favorites]

Since this may possibly turn out to prove useful within the next day or so...

OK, Let's Say You're the First Human Ever to Make Alien Contact.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:27 AM on October 13, 2010 [29 favorites]

Then felt I like some watcher of the skies when... aw, fuck it. There are clear blue skies over Gdansk. But I guess this city isn't one of Earth's principal cities. Either that, or they're invisible Pleiadians bringing a dramatically unseen display of undetectable hope, imperceptible peace, and insensible friendship with transparent spacecraft. Subtle folk, these Pleiadians.
posted by pracowity at 2:33 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

My god, Yahoo news will just publish anything. The whole story is a press release. Which is only slightly better than publishing stories from the World Weekly News, which they also do. I predict that nothing will happen and the purveyor of this nonsense will move the goalposts.
posted by IvoShandor at 2:38 AM on October 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Speaking of Pleiadians, if you're interested in what the Cassiopaeans have to say, you can always read these transcripts of Ouija conversations with them.
posted by knave at 2:39 AM on October 13, 2010

Looking at the Challenges of Change site, I can't help but wonder: Do people intentionally employ that "I'm a lunatic" design?

Why yes they do actually. Haven't you ever answered a Craigslist computer gigs ad?
posted by Poet_Lariat at 2:40 AM on October 13, 2010

I'm in Berlin and all I see are jugglers in the street. Is that what he meant?
posted by molecicco at 2:43 AM on October 13, 2010

Huh. The only time anyone ever showed up early for something in Athens.
posted by taz at 2:44 AM on October 13, 2010

I've always wanted to post in a deleted thread.
posted by andendau at 2:45 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Is it July 5th 1998 already?
posted by SPUTNIK at 2:46 AM on October 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm in Berlin and all I see are jugglers in the street. Is that what he meant?

They're here!
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:06 AM on October 13, 2010

Stanley Fulham has concluded in his recently published book, Challenges of Change, that October 13, 2010 is the date of first contact.

That seems a little short-sighted. At least put the prophesied date a couple of years in the future. Who's going to buy a book about a predicted event 6 months ago that didn't happen?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:09 AM on October 13, 2010 [10 favorites]

Since this may possibly turn out to prove useful within the next day or so...

OK, Let's Say You're the First Human Ever to Make Alien Contact.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:27 AM on October 13

You know, that link is actually pretty good! It is humourous and informative.
posted by Vindaloo at 3:14 AM on October 13, 2010

They've been in the UK for years. They're called "Con-ser-vat-ives". Horrible slimy fuckers, with grasping tentacles and ingratiating smiles. They reproduce by fucking the unwary up the arse.
posted by MajorDundee at 3:18 AM on October 13, 2010 [13 favorites]

Do people intentionally employ that "I'm a lunatic" design?

What we see: crazy_person.css
What they see: I_agree_with_you.css
What dogs see: blah_blah_GINGER_blah.css
posted by ryanrs at 3:31 AM on October 13, 2010 [44 favorites]

"retired officer"

De rigueur. No need to mention it.
posted by aerotive at 3:34 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

If you read the release (and truly, it is wonderful what you can get to run beneath a Yahoo masthead if you run it on PRWire), you'll discover that it wasn't really a NORAD secret at all: this guy has other sources.

For more than a decade, through the services of a world renowned channeler, the author has communicated with an ethereal group of entities known as the Transcendors -- 43,000 very old souls who combine their vast experience and knowledge through eons of incarnations, providing advice and information to humans in search of basic realities of mankind’s existence.

My point is, this is the kind of person you really don't want to be stuck in a car with on a cross-country drive.

More here: Greetings, my name is Randy Kitscher, and I'm a relatively well-known exo-politics researcher, UFO-disclosure political activist, and UFO / close-encounter experiencer going back to 1981.

Oh dear. It's all kind of poignant.
posted by bicyclefish at 3:35 AM on October 13, 2010

Well it's quite dark now in Beijing and no space aliens yet. Maybe they forgot to apply for a visa in time?
posted by three blind mice at 3:39 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

If they come, it'll be to harvest thier crops....
posted by Redhush at 3:40 AM on October 13, 2010

That seems a little short-sighted. At least put the prophesied date a couple of years in the future. Who's going to buy a book about a predicted event 6 months ago that didn't happen?

Milton Auglund: Well I predict that the world will end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve.
Dr. Peter Venkman: This year?
Milton Auglund: MmHmm.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well that's cutting it a little bit close, isn't it? I mean, just from a sales point of view, I mean your book is just coming out, you're not gonna see any paperback sales for at least a year. It'll be at least another year before you know whether you've got that mini-series or movie of the week kind of possibilities. I mean just Devil's Advocate Milty! I mean shouldn't you have said: Hey the worlds going to end in 1992! Or better yet 1994!
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:43 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

the aliens come with the benevolent intention of saving humans from ecological disaster

It's always better to serve Man from a healthier terroir.
posted by infinitewindow at 3:44 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

In what way can massive numbers of mysterious flying ships over New York City and Washington DC not cause panic?
posted by ardgedee at 3:56 AM on October 13, 2010

You know, that link is actually pretty good! It is humourous and informative.

It's entertaining but not all that useful. It is written as if alien visitors would have zero knowledge of us until they happen to stumble upon one of us taking a walk on the beach or something. No one here will ever be the first human ever to make alien contact -- they will have already met Lucy and Ricky, Pythagoras and Laozi, Bart and Lisa, Ray Kroc and Frank Lloyd Wright and John Graham, Jr. They'll know whether to befriend us or ignore us or pave us over or eat us long before they put the spaceship into park and turn off the ignition.
posted by pracowity at 4:03 AM on October 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

In what way can massive numbers of mysterious flying ships over New York City and Washington DC not cause panic?

Ooh! I know this one! Is is "by existing only in the imagination of a retired Air Force officer"?

Whud I win?
posted by dirtdirt at 4:04 AM on October 13, 2010 [14 favorites]

Too bad these aliens can't save us from ourselves first.
posted by bwg at 4:05 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

In what way can massive numbers of mysterious flying ships over New York City and Washington DC not cause panic?

When they irradiate us with their powerful Relaxo Ray from orbit first. Then we'll all be like, "Dude! Check out the levitating aircraft carriers! Anyone got any smoke?"
posted by pracowity at 4:09 AM on October 13, 2010

Imagine if the aliens really were about to initiate contact. They're standing on our doorstep with a galactic welcoming basket in hand. Just as they reach for the doorbell, they hear yelling, screaming, some crashing furniture...oh. The new neighbors appear to be beating the shit out of each other. Hmm, this is probably not a good time to drop in.

They're probably parked in the asteroid belt right now, wondering if they should call the cops.
posted by ryanrs at 4:10 AM on October 13, 2010 [39 favorites]

What I'm saying is, if we don't have warp technology and a cure for cancer by tomorrow, it's Obama's fault.
posted by ryanrs at 4:10 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

It isn't even PRWire, it's PRWEB. Anyone can put out a press release over PRWEB. I did, for my audio drama. It got picked up a couple of places and we got a couple of interviews out of it. Not the best $100ish we ever spent, but not the worst either.
posted by andreaazure at 4:11 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I live in semi-rural Maine, so someone will need to take a picture for me as it will probably take these space visitors – even with their wicked-cool spaceships – several decades to reach us here.
posted by hrbrmstr at 4:17 AM on October 13, 2010

I hope if these aliens do show up today that they're very tasty. Wait, I mean peaceful. Peaceful and tasty.
posted by Justinian at 4:19 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh, also possibly somethings we can have sex with. That would also be good.
posted by Justinian at 4:19 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

This is General Curtis Goatheart. If you are viewing this film, then we are under extraterrestrial attack. Beware- your brain may no longer be the boss! If you are beginning to doubt what I am saying, you are probably hallucinating. Listen carefully!

What to do if an alien appears!
ONE! Drop beneath the seat of your plane and look away.
TWO! Avoid eye contact.
THREE! If there are no eyes, avoid all contact.

How to identify alleged sightings!
ONE! Pie plates, or as reflections in the atmosphere.
TWO! Dry cleaning bags filled with marsh gas, or...
THREE! Mass insanity!
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:20 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

This thread had 42 comments when I came across it.

Just sayin'.
posted by dry white toast at 4:36 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

And to think that JUST LAST WEEK I tossed out my tinfoil hat...

Damn.
posted by sundrop at 4:44 AM on October 13, 2010

Hang on, a load of subterrestrials have been spotted in Chile today. Do you think Mr Fulham's just made an unfortunate typo?
posted by HandfulOfDust at 4:46 AM on October 13, 2010

Hoopy froods should know where their towels are.

No, no, NO, NO, NO.

'Hoopy' is a noun, not an adjective. A hoopy is 'a really together guy'. A frood is 'a really amazingly together guy'. 'Hoopy froods' - 'really together guy really amazingly together guys' - makes no sense.

GRAR
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:47 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

The Sun Machine is coming down and we're going to have a party.
posted by Sailormom at 4:50 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, also possibly somethings we can have sex with. That would also be good.

We will try our best, Justanian. We will try our best.
posted by Infinite Jest at 4:52 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

You know, there are two possible explanations for this guy.

One: he's mentally ill. In which case you should stop laughing at him.

Two: he's a huckster. In which case you should stop giving him link juice.
posted by ixohoxi at 5:01 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

All I see outside are a few Boeing pl-
OF COURSE IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:03 AM on October 13, 2010

Wake me up when the "tentative date" is upgraded to a "tentacles date".
posted by chavenet at 5:07 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

One+Two: he's mentally ill and hawking a book. In which case it's all good.
posted by ryanrs at 5:07 AM on October 13, 2010

'Hoopy froods' - 'really together guy really amazingly together guys' - makes no sense.

This mistake was entirely avoidable. Here, put this fish in your ear.
posted by zarq at 5:10 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

'Hoopy' is a noun, not an adjective.

Not necessarily. There is no definite article in the original text. You don't know if it's a really together guy, the really together guy, or like when a superhero comes in and diffuses a bomb at the last second, and one yells out, "Hey! Really together, guy!"
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:12 AM on October 13, 2010

Evenings round the Fulham household.
posted by Hartham's Hugging Robots at 5:16 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Happy Birthday Agent Mulder!
posted by MaritaCov at 5:17 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

Also, I don't believe there is any mention of "hoopy froods" in the original text. Hoopy frood appears to be a quasi-popular cultural misreading… like the only words that mattered in the original were the words that Adams made up, so let's just remember those and forget all the rest in between:

Hence a phrase which has passed into hitch hiking slang, as in "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is."

If there were a comma after "hoopy," one could make an argument that a hoopy is a noun. But in the original context, the word is used as an adjective. That hoopy Ford Prefect, like that awesome Civil Disobedient.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:18 AM on October 13, 2010 [9 favorites]

They can't be so bad... look, they have this book "To serve man."
posted by fuq at 5:18 AM on October 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

Hoopy froods should know where their towels are.

According to the Urban Dictionary, "hoopy frood" is acceptable usage, however obiwanwasabi is right; I totally should have sassed better.
posted by johnnyace at 5:29 AM on October 13, 2010

Option 3 - He's actually right and he's going to laugh at us all when the aliens get here.
posted by stoneweaver at 5:29 AM on October 13, 2010

I sure hope they do loop-the-loops over Randolph, Vt. We're a major city. Lots to see here if you are an alien.
posted by FauxScot at 5:33 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Twist ending:

There are aliens here, but they are us!
posted by TwelveTwo at 5:39 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

I've got my towel and my thumb out.
posted by tommasz at 5:46 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm thinking it's probably not going to happen.
posted by Daddy-O at 5:52 AM on October 13, 2010

Major cities? I guess they won't be dropping in on Canada
posted by foxinsocks at 5:53 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Twist ending:

There are aliens here, but they are us!

Ke$ha beat you to it. (@3:04)
posted by Wild_Eep at 5:53 AM on October 13, 2010

Coincidentally, one of my work associates has written a book on exactly this subject!!

From the Amazon forum: "These beings, whoever they are (and it appears there is something definitely there), are playing God in the lives of innocent people and have no right to "protect us" from impending disaster."

So it's not all good news, either.
posted by sneebler at 5:54 AM on October 13, 2010

BatshitInsane tag please
posted by adamvasco at 6:01 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

the aliens come with the benevolent intention of saving humans from ecological disaster

Man, aliens just say the same old shit over and over again.
posted by Artw at 6:04 AM on October 13, 2010

they will have already met Lucy and Ricky

"People of Earth, you got some 'splainin' to do!"

if we don't have warp technology and a cure for cancer by tomorrow, it's Obama's fault.

It's already Obama's fault! He's been keeping the prosperity packs from being delivered by the Guardian Elders. Never mind that, though, the aliens have it all figured out.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:21 AM on October 13, 2010

"Save you from ecological disaster? Oh my, well I know I didn't put that idea in your head. Kxotlry, what have you been telling them? We're able to travel through interstellar space, so if one planet is ruined not such a big deal, there's thousands of more out there. Our mining techniques are probably the most destructive in the universe, we just zap worlds and sort of have this sifting device. Anyway, I come for one the one you call Morrissey. He helped a young Xortac when I was ... questioning things. I have this book of poetry, perhaps he wishes to turn it into some songs?"
posted by geoff. at 6:23 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

And what exactly makes this different from every other single UFO contact prediction, ever?
posted by splice at 6:23 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Y'all may laugh, but I'm in the NYC subway right now, and they're freakin' everywhere.

Most of them just drive cabs, tho.
posted by zarq at 6:28 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

What are you all talking about? Aliens have been on earth, abducting people for YEARS. Come on, doesn't anyone remember the story of the candlejack spacecraft lan
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:29 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

This is different from all the other UFO contact predictions because it was made today. I would have thought that was obvious.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's UFO contact predictions.
posted by warbaby at 6:34 AM on October 13, 2010

This post just made me imagine David "Nordic Aliens and Reptillian Humanoids" Icke singing Come Sail Away
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:35 AM on October 13, 2010

It's about damn time.
posted by banwa at 6:37 AM on October 13, 2010

Sweet! I work in a skyscraper in one of Earth's principal cities! Front row seats!!!
posted by malocchio at 6:38 AM on October 13, 2010

I work on Capitol Hill, but in an IT dungeon, so I'll have to watch this thread for developments.
posted by MrMoonPie at 6:40 AM on October 13, 2010

Retired Cold Stone Employee Warns of Impending Ice Elemental Invasion
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:43 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

I just want to go on record that if and when the aliens land, I want to volunteer to be the first one to be eaten if they turn out to hunger for human flesh. That way if human somehow survives the onslaught, someone would later make a statue of me which a huge alien bite chuck out of my side.
posted by Dr.Rhetoric at 6:43 AM on October 13, 2010

Twist ending:

- They worked for Meg Whitman in 2003
posted by mikepop at 6:44 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I saw them on the NYC subway, too.

I hope they brought back Elvis.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:51 AM on October 13, 2010

Aliens landing pretty much means we get the day off, right? If we're not, you know, the fighter pilots that get blown up if they're evil? Or if we don't work for the UN, in the case that they're evil but sneaky? Because I'd really like to avoid a 1:00 conference call.

Also, probably a good excuse to get takeout for lunch.
posted by condour75 at 7:05 AM on October 13, 2010

My god, Yahoo news will just publish anything. The whole story is a press release.

Literally so, in both cases.
posted by ook at 7:12 AM on October 13, 2010

We'll make great pets.
posted by Flex1970 at 7:14 AM on October 13, 2010

"For more than a decade, through the services of a world renowned channeler, the author has communicated with an ethereal group of entities known as the Transcendors -- 43,000 very old souls ..."

PSYCHIC READINGS -- $50 Per Session.

TODAY'S SPECIAL -- $40 !!!

Monthly Special Available. Inquire Within.

Boy, oh, boy. He got snookered real good!
posted by ericb at 7:19 AM on October 13, 2010

Major cities? I guess they won't be dropping in on Canada

There's already one hovering over Niagara Falls.
posted by pracowity at 7:23 AM on October 13, 2010

We'll make great pelts.
posted by ericb at 7:27 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Is aliens showing up change we can believe in?
posted by rough ashlar at 7:28 AM on October 13, 2010

We'll make great pelts.

With or without the Brazilian?
posted by rough ashlar at 7:30 AM on October 13, 2010

I predict that nothing will happen and the purveyor of this nonsense will move the goalposts.

Yep. As per the press release: "...retired Air Force officer, Stanley A. Fulham, tentatively predicts October 13, 2010 as the date for a massive UFO display..."
posted by ericb at 7:30 AM on October 13, 2010

Major cities? I guess they won't be dropping in on Canada

Stop underselling Saskatoon.
posted by mreleganza at 7:37 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

In what way can massive numbers of mysterious flying ships over New York City and Washington DC not cause panic?

That it was pre-announced?

The upside to short timeframe incredible events is you don't have to wait long to go 'Oh look. It didn't happen.'

Don't worry, once some show up, Alex Jones will remind you it's fake, its a false flag event and part of a global conspiracy.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:39 AM on October 13, 2010

Here ya go, Flex. Great song.
posted by dbiedny at 7:39 AM on October 13, 2010

Who cares about the historical importance of such an event - it would just be great to see all you jokers proved wrong.
posted by infinitefloatingbrains at 7:42 AM on October 13, 2010

For more than a decade, through the services of a world renowned channeler, the author has communicated with an ethereal group of entities known as the Transcendors

And that is what we call a "bread and butter client."
posted by infinitefloatingbrains at 7:45 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

"Challenges of Change was advertised in the January 2004 MUFON UFO Journal, page 24. Apparently touched on a variety of woo topics.

ETA: According to the February 11, 2004, Manitoban, the Stanley A. Fulham who wrote Challenges of Change is the same Canadian who wrote The Rugged Trail and was a member of the Royal Canadian Air Force. The Manitoban review mentions his NORAD service; it also says the book was 190 pages. There's an interview with him mentioning his NORAD service at jerrypippin.com/UFO_Files_grant_cameron.htm" [video/.wmv | 16:14]. *

posted by ericb at 7:47 AM on October 13, 2010

For more than a decade, through the services of a world renowned channeler, the author has communicated with an ethereal group of entities known as the Transcendors

Damn it, now I have something approaching the Transformers theme song stuck in my head:

Transcendors, more than meets the eye!
Transcendors, Lizards in disguise!
posted by quin at 7:48 AM on October 13, 2010

The aliens are already here... and they are not satanic, apparently
posted by foxinsocks at 7:52 AM on October 13, 2010

Transcendors, Lizards in disguise!

Allosaurs
wage their battle
to destroy
the evil forces
of...
the Deinodons.

Damn you, this is going to be in my head all day.
posted by zarq at 8:08 AM on October 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Deploy Janet Jackson's nipple!
posted by Trochanter at 8:10 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

They're already wrecking police cars here in DC!
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:10 AM on October 13, 2010

Darn it! This was gonna be the plot of my NaNoWriMo novel!
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:13 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Clear skies over Burlington, VT!
posted by brand-gnu at 8:13 AM on October 13, 2010

If they touch foot on earth, christian priests will probably try to baptize them! I heard vatican astronomers are already working on introducing jesus to the extra terrestrial beings..I wonder what would the response from the ET's be, considering religion, especially the 3 big ones, had a huge role bringing our planet to this environmental breaking point!
posted by tsagis at 8:20 AM on October 13, 2010

I could see this going over really well in the States, long as they're blasting Rock You Like a Hurricane while they do their aerial maneuvers...
posted by stenseng at 8:29 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Won't make any going out for dinner plans then. Will order take out and stayed glued to the window. Thanks for the heads up.
posted by nickyskye at 8:40 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

There is a pretty good argument made in the book The Killing Star that basically states that if you have detected an alien species, you had best wipe it out before it starts causing problems. At interstellar distances, it's fairly simple to run the speed up of a semi-guided missile to relativistic speeds and smack it into the planet. Whomp, nearby infestation solved.

Given that any other life form would have zero in common with us - at the very least, different biology, then body design, mental process, ethics, and even general outlook on the universe - there is a zero sum chance of them wanting to interact with us. I mean, what the hell do we have to offer, other than the possibility of causing them problems? And don't even start on the energy issue with traveling those distances. It's all romantic and fun to think about visitors and point at the crazy people, but the sad cold fact is that there ain't nobody gonna come knock'n.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 8:43 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

You know, back in the eighties, people would say the aliens were getting broadcasts of I Love Lucy. So figure, 30 years?

Carrying that math forward, they may be here because they saw one of us shoot a Texas oil man, the universally accepted threshold of a civilization's maturity. By which logic, Mary Crosby is about to receive the plans for hyperdrive.
posted by condour75 at 8:46 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

We had an earthquake in central Oklahoma this morning which sounded like a sonic boom. Having read this story earlier in the morning I wondered for a brief instant if maybe aliens were arriving. What a way to start a morning.
posted by crapmatic at 9:03 AM on October 13, 2010

The best time to read this is during the weekly test of your mid-sized city's tornado sirens.
posted by SMPA at 9:04 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

The Very Secret Diary of Stanley Fulham

October 13, 2010

Still not visited.
posted by Zed at 9:19 AM on October 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Perhaps they arrived, but due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire fleet was eaten by a small dog.
posted by TedW at 9:20 AM on October 13, 2010 [9 favorites]

We had the Blue Angels screaming over San Francisco this past weekend - or maybe this guy was just a few days off in his calculations.

We actually had some genuine alien ships here for Fleet Week - the Canadian Navy sent the HMCS Whitehorse and HMCS Brandon down for a visit. Those aliens are so darn polite, let me tell you.
posted by Quietgal at 9:21 AM on October 13, 2010

Clear skies over Burlington, VT!

Really? Rats. It's my sister's 25th birthday and I was hoping perhaps they'd come to take her back.
posted by maryr at 9:22 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I always feel a bit sad when people make predictions like this, because they'll inevitably be let down.

Given that any other life form would have zero in common with us - at the very least, different biology, then body design, mental process, ethics, and even general outlook on the universe - there is a zero sum chance of them wanting to interact with us. I mean, what the hell do we have to offer, other than the possibility of causing them problems?

You mean I won't get to meet the lava flow creatures from Frek and the Elixir?

:(
posted by brundlefly at 9:23 AM on October 13, 2010

This better not delay my flight to Maui tomorrow.
posted by Big_B at 9:27 AM on October 13, 2010

I can't help but think that (a) Hawking is right, and (b) either they'd blow us up or we'd blow them up. We can't even deal with human beings of slightly different colors than us, how the hell are we going to deal with little green men? My novel characters and the aliens are gonna have to live in underground bunkers.

But...darn if it wouldn't be cool on some level until the explosions started?
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:35 AM on October 13, 2010

I picked a hell of a day to stop snorting meth.
posted by mmrtnt at 9:38 AM on October 13, 2010

but the sad cold fact is that there ain't nobody gonna come knock'n.

Well, apart from with that lump of rock and ice doing a fair fraction of c...
posted by ArkhanJG at 9:44 AM on October 13, 2010

Stupid aliens probably have no idea how big Africa is.
posted by Mister_A at 9:45 AM on October 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

The aliens are already here... and they are not satanic, apparently

Weak. I wanted satanic aliens.
posted by Mister_A at 9:48 AM on October 13, 2010

there is a zero sum chance of them wanting to interact with us. I mean, what the hell do we have to offer, other than the possibility of causing them problems?

First worlders visit 3rd world nations on vacations for many reasons. The money goes further, the locals are cute in their quaintness. We could have a great future as the Branson of the Milky Way.
posted by nomisxid at 10:00 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"there is a zero sum chance of them wanting to interact with us. I mean, what the hell do we have to offer, other than the possibility of causing them problems? "

Our anuses. For probing. I mean, come on, duh.
posted by Xoebe at 10:05 AM on October 13, 2010

Do we get to probe them back?
posted by Mister_A at 10:10 AM on October 13, 2010

First worlders visit 3rd world nations on vacations for many reasons. The money goes further, the locals are cute in their quaintness.

Try visiting a place where they don't like/want/need tourists, you don't speak the language, etc.

But ok, play that game: if tourists do show up, and they pay us in Oomplecks, then what? Either they are worthless to us, or else they become a toxic currency and the entire world economy shifts almost overnight to it, crashing everything else. Then the Oompleck Bank owns our little dirtball.

But you're also assuming that they can get here in a few days or so with little energy cost.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 10:10 AM on October 13, 2010

Xoebe: Our anuses. For probing. I mean, come on, duh.

You know, I always wondered about that meme, and where it started from. I've figured out the mutilated cows (scavenger animals), but the probing?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 10:13 AM on October 13, 2010

"the aliens come with the benevolent intention of saving humans from ecological disaster."

Well, you don't want the taste to go off due to contaminants, do you?

Next thing you know, they'll be anal-probing us with antibiotic injectors...
posted by JB71 at 10:14 AM on October 13, 2010

there is a zero sum chance of them wanting to interact with us. I mean, what the hell do we have to offer, other than the possibility of causing them problems?

Lots of landmarks for them to blow up. That's what they're after.

Luckily despite their development of interstellar travel, they will have a cornfield based communication and navigation system. Finally, despite their plans to enslave the human race to build more pyramids for them to destroy later on, their inability to check Wikipedia and find out the amount of the planet covered in H2O. Nor will they predict our ability to write viruses on a Mac.

We'll be fine. Just fine.
posted by haveanicesummer at 10:22 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"But you're also assuming that they can get here in a few days or so with little energy cost."

What to THEM would seem to be little energy cost, Old'n'Busted. Compared to them, our space program's would seem a little twig in the water compared to the 220,000 ton Oasis of the Seas.

(And a broken twig, at that...)
posted by JB71 at 10:23 AM on October 13, 2010

I hope they arrive soon because I want to tell them all about the XXL Chalupa at Taco Bell

what it is is a Chalupa that is actually TWICE the size of a regular chalupa

like a boat

they will love it i bet
posted by Greg Nog at 10:24 AM on October 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

I hope these aliens aren't deadly allergic to water, or viruses and bacteria, or other stuff. Otherwise, what chance do they stand?
posted by filthy light thief at 10:43 AM on October 13, 2010

Also, what if the aliens are here, but the monsters are us?
posted by filthy light thief at 10:44 AM on October 13, 2010

I hope these aliens aren't deadly allergic to water, or viruses and bacteria, or other stuff.

What gets me about the water allergic aliens is that they spend their time hanging out in a cornfield. Have you ever walked through a cornfield on a dewy morning?
posted by Artw at 10:46 AM on October 13, 2010

You know, I always wondered about that meme, and where it started from. I've figured out the mutilated cows (scavenger animals), but the probing?

As with any other things UFO-related, it came from the mouths of people who have claimed they were abducted.
posted by ymgve at 10:59 AM on October 13, 2010

You know, I always wondered about that meme, and where it started from. I've figured out the mutilated cows (scavenger animals), but the probing?

As with any other things UFO-related, it came from the mouths of people who have claimed they were abducted.

know, from experience sadly, that a lot of men have some wicked weird reactions post-anal sex, once the magic of the moment has passed and the guilt/shame kicks in. I don't mean to put things in the mouths* of those who have claimed alien abduction probing, but I I seriously wouldn't be surprised if someone told me this was their excuse.


* so to speak
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:07 AM on October 13, 2010

All we know for certain about these aliens is that they're sexy... and green.


/zapp brannigan
posted by Mister_A at 11:08 AM on October 13, 2010

The guy on the BBC just compared the Fenix capsule to the TARDIS. For vague prophecy, I think that's close enough.
posted by cmyk at 11:14 AM on October 13, 2010

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of dance music to bring you a special bulletin from the Intercontinental Radio News.

At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Mount Jennings Observatory, Chicago, Illinois, reports observing several explosions of incandescent gas, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Mars. The spectroscope indicates the gas to be hydrogen and moving towards the earth with enormous velocity.

Professor Pierson of the Observatory at Princeton confirms Farrell's observation, and describes the phenomenon as, quote, "like a jet of blue flame shot from a gun," unquote.

We now return you to the music of Ramón Raquello, playing for you in the Meridian Room of the Park Plaza Hotel, situated in downtown New York.
posted by jenkinsEar at 11:29 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Why is it always the flying saucers? When I invade (er, first visit) an alien planet it's gonna be in a flying teapot.
posted by newdaddy at 11:56 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oddly timely considering I'm currently reading Agent to the Stars - a (very good) novel about aliens making first contact with humans, written by MeFi's own John Scalzi. Who's the prescient one now?
posted by geeky at 12:01 PM on October 13, 2010

Why is it always the flying saucers? When I invade (er, first visit) an alien planet it's gonna be in a flying teapot.

As soon as you do, I'm gonna rag on Bertrand Russell without mercy, dude can't hardly stop me.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:06 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Why is it always the flying saucers?

As opposed to the Giant Space Ho-ho.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 12:11 PM on October 13, 2010

Why is it always the flying saucers? When I invade (er, first visit) an alien planet it's gonna be in a flying teapot.

Silly. The teapot is the "mothership".
posted by mmrtnt at 12:17 PM on October 13, 2010

I sent t a link to this comments page to my girlfriend - who is very up on UFO stuff - and she wrote back:

"... this is probably why they haven't come yet, they're afraid of being laughed out of the skies."

So I hope y'all are happy now.


posted by mmrtnt at 12:27 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"I hope they bring back Elvis!"
posted by TooFewShoes at 12:28 PM on October 13, 2010

I am 100% not kidding about this: my pal who works on a NYC newspaper photo desk just changed his Facebook status to say he just got a call from someone reporting "UFOs flying over the Empire State Building." He thought this was funny. He did not know about this press release.

Maybe it's time to hide.
posted by CunningLinguist at 12:31 PM on October 13, 2010

You know, I always wondered about that meme, and where it started from. I've figured out the mutilated cows (scavenger animals), but the probing?

Sometimes you can clear a sector of Klingons fair and square. Sometimes, you need to stop listening to HQ and keep moving up river.
posted by condour75 at 12:32 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"I hope they bring back Elvis!"

No. Too heavy.
posted by MajorDundee at 12:47 PM on October 13, 2010

I hope they bring back Arrested Development.
posted by qvantamon at 12:48 PM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Arrested development is automatically achieved when traveling at near light speed. I believe it's called Loblaw's Law.
posted by condour75 at 12:51 PM on October 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

Doing a google search for "UFO" right now and setting it to "latest" (which starts loading tweets) is indicating HOMG UFOs over NYC at the moment. A video and a few pics so far, that have predictably shown only white dots on a blue background.
posted by Phyltre at 12:54 PM on October 13, 2010

The guy on the BBC just compared the Fenix capsule to the TARDIS. For vague prophecy, I think that's close enough.

Fenix is a little vague too. Phoenix is rather less so. If you're a snooty, pedantic Brit like me, that is. More tea?
posted by MajorDundee at 12:56 PM on October 13, 2010

Does the Conan blimp over Baltimore count? Because I've had my suspicions about Conan O'Brien being an alien...
posted by CosmicRayCharles at 1:13 PM on October 13, 2010

We still don't want to talk to Stephen Hawking.
posted by Splunge at 1:19 PM on October 13, 2010

Fenix is a little vague too. Phoenix is rather less so. If you're a snooty, pedantic Brit like me, that is. More tea?

Well, 'FENIX 2' is actually what is painted above the door of the Chilean escape capsule. I think 'fénix' is Spanish for 'phoenix.' But, heck, what do I know I also a snooty, pedantic Yankee.
posted by ericb at 1:28 PM on October 13, 2010

Pepe Deluxe has the best advice for dealing with martians:

The little men ain't that little
It's ok, they got the color right.
And if you share a smile together
That'll say more than words might.
posted by mreleganza at 1:29 PM on October 13, 2010

I just stepped outside and looked around - it's actually horrendously sunny here in San Franciso, so there's no chance the aliens are hiding in the fog - and I didn't see anything. Also, I understand it is now The Future in some parts of the world. Can anyone report if any aliens appeared yesterday?
posted by rtha at 1:40 PM on October 13, 2010

I'm actually writing this from next month, and I can say with some certainty that there were no UFOs sighted.

Time machines, however, are a different story.
posted by quin at 1:44 PM on October 13, 2010

Still, somethings going on in China.

"Without citing a source, the paper described the object as, quote, "flat and tubular" (a seeming oxymoron ) and wrote that it "hovered two miles from Bootee" (its transliteration of Baotou)."

It's not a cookbook. That's a typo. It is:To Surf Man.

Wu Bangguo:Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Alien: Learning about China. Having some fun.
Wu Bangguo: You're on dangerous ground here. You're causing a major disturbance over the airports in my country and on my time.
Alien: I've been thinking about this, Mr. Wu. If I'm here and you're here doesn't that make it our time?
posted by Smedleyman at 1:49 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Flickr blobs
posted by CunningLinguist at 1:49 PM on October 13, 2010

I love how people/media/yahoo gives some credence to "retired officer/military officer" as if that magically means that someone cannot possibly be a total nutcase because they served in the military or were a cop, as if it gave them some amount of respectability or authority.
posted by 1000monkeys at 1:50 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Finally! The whole Obama thing isn't working out that well.
posted by stewieandthedude at 1:50 PM on October 13, 2010

Prob just mylar balloons. Everyone stand down
posted by CunningLinguist at 2:07 PM on October 13, 2010

I think there was some misunderstanding somewhere -- obviously today is the day when intraterrestials surface and make contact with earthlings.
posted by zeikka at 2:32 PM on October 13, 2010

So, um, it's now past 5pm ET. Anyone see the moonmen yet?
posted by .kobayashi. at 2:33 PM on October 13, 2010

Tripping....

"I was not at all familiar with the alien abduction literature before beginning the DMT study. Neither were many of our volunteers. I knew almost nothing about it, and had little desire to learn more. It seemed much more "fringe" than even the study of psychedelic drugs! However, once we began hearing so many tales of entity encounters, I knew I could no longer plead ignorance of the larger phenomenon. Despite my better judgment, I now feel compelled to weigh in with my opinion regarding the experience of contact with "alien life-forms."
Let's review the popularly reported "alien abduction" experience. We will see the striking resemblance between these naturally occurring contacts and those reported in our DMT study. This remarkable overlap may ease our acceptance of my proposition that the alien abduction experience is made possible by excessive brain levels of DMT. This may occur spontaneously through any of the previously described conditions that activate pineal DMT formation. It also might take place when DMT levels rise from taking in the drug from the outside, as in our studies. Our current culture is fascinated with the alien abduction experience. Psychiatrist John Mack has published many reports from "abductees," people whom he now calls "experiencers," in his books Abduction and Passport to the Cosmos.1
As the event begins, Mack says, "consciousness is disturbed by a bright light, humming sounds, strange bodily vibrations or paralysis...or the appearance of one or more humanoid or even human-appearing strange beings in their environment." Mack emphasizes the sense of highfrequency vibrations many abductees report, which may cause them to feel as if they are coming apart at the molecular level.
Some find themselves in familiar environments, like "a park with swings," and figures "emerge" out of the background. Abductees also often find themselves on some type of examining or treatment table. Experiencers are absolutely under the aliens' control. Despite the obviously unexpected and bizarre nature of what they are undergoing, there is no doubt in their minds that it really is happening. Thus, they describe their experiences as "more real than real."
Varying degrees of anxiety occur in this preliminary stage, especially if it feels as if one's consciousness is separating from the body. For many,the experience of fear is by itself somehow transformative. "Letting go" into the terror seems to change the nature of the experience from negative to positive. The individual may "float" or otherwise make their way "into a curved enclosure that appears to contain computer-like and other technical equipment." Once the person arrives, "[sjtrange beings are seen busily moving around doing tasks the experiencers do not really understand." Abductees commonly report seeing energy-filled tunnels and cylinders of light in these environments.
The "typical" alien looks like the ones portrayed commonly in the media: large head, skinny body, big eyes, small or no mouth, gray skin. However, Mack also reports frequent descriptions of reptiles, mantises, and spiders.
Some abductees feel there is some kind of neuropsychological reprogramming, or an enormously rapid transfer of information between the beings and experiencer. Aliens may communicate using a language of universal visual symbols rather than sounds or words.
Many abductees report a complicated scenario revolving around the aliens using their reproductive machinery to breed "human-alien hybrids." However, Mack reports that the hybrid project "is by no means all that happens....They may be gazed at closely…and otherwise examined, probed, and monitored. Sometimes the experiencers feel that their health is being followed, especially through ano-rectal and colonic examinations, and they even report healings…On other occasions, the experiencers report probes being inserted into their brains through the nose, ears, and eyes, and they may feel that their psyche has been transformed...Implants are inserted under the skin…and they may feel certain that these represent some sort of tracking or monitoring devices."
Abductees report "that the beings appear to be greatly interested in our physicality and emotionality, seeming, as is said of angels, to envy our embodiment. . . they need something that only human love can provide." This may even take the form of alien-human sexual encounters. These experiences "can range from cold and bodiless to ecstatic, beyond what is known to them in earthly love."
As Mack describes, the "experience of connection between one or more of the alien beings and the abductees with whom they relate is a powerful and consistent aspect of the experience....Commonly the initial memories...are of cold, indifferent contacts in which the aliens (especially the gray reptilian or praying-mantis-like beings) render the person altogether helpless." It is common for abductees to feel as if there is one alien in particular with whom they have a special relationship. It's as if this alien is "in charge."
The relationship may later evolve into a greater sense of familiarity, meaningful connection, and even love between the abductee and the alien. Several of Mack's subjects report that they are "greeted" by the aliens when they emerge into their reality; the aliens say telepathically, "Welcome back!" Some report a life-long series of encounters beginning in childhood.
Experiencers often report that the aliens are urgently notifying them that Earth is in danger. Their abduction relates to this, inasmuch as they either provide reproductive material for the hybrid project or decide to spread the message of environmental degradation to a wider audience.
As Mack's work with his subjects has progressed, he notes another common, perhaps even basic, element of the abduction experience. This is the transformational and spiritual nature of the encounter: "[t]he collapse of space/time perception, a sense of entering other dimensions of reality or universes...a feeling of connection with all of creation." Abductees' sense of belonging in that realm may be so acute as to create a yearning for it—a desire "not to come back." Many abductees no longer feared death, knowing that their consciousness would survive the body's death. One even considered the idea of killing himself so that he could return to the blissful state he encountered during his abductions.
The resemblance of Mack's account of the alien abductions of "experiencers" to the contacts described by our own volunteers is undeniable. How can anyone doubt, after reading our accounts in these last two chapters, that DMT elicits "typical" alien encounters? If presented with a record of several of our research subjects' accounts, with all references to DMT removed, could anyone distinguish our reports from those of a group of abductees?"
(Strassman, 216-219)
posted by fightoplankton at 3:26 PM on October 13, 2010

They are running out of time! Come on aliens! Don't let us down. We were all really looking forward to this air show!
posted by stoneweaver at 3:29 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

DMT, huh? This is my surprised face.
posted by The Whelk at 3:30 PM on October 13, 2010

ARGGH! YOUR SURPRISED FACE HAS GONE ALL BIG AND WEIRD AND ENVELOPED ME IN A COCOON OF SELF EVOLVING MACHINE ELVES!
posted by Artw at 3:32 PM on October 13, 2010

These threads are always dull, because no one is ever interested in the source material and instead they make the same dull jokes. :-(

As I've mentioned before, I've been peripherally involved with this scene for a long time, though the Forteans... though I got sick of "What my life was like in Atlantis" talks and stopped hanging out with them, there are tons of solid researchers with excellent material (and I'd also note that none of the people who I felt were "excellent researchers" had any material that would be particularly objectionable to your average materialist/unbeliever such as myself or your average Mefi-ite).

Overall, I'd start by pointing out that many of the phenomena reported by UFO investigators has over my lifetime gone from "wild stories" to being undisputed. The phenomenon of ball lighting is one that science denied completely when I was young, and now is being made in the laboratory; ditto with "rotating underwater searchlights" which turn out to be very common now we have better monitoring from satellites and turn out to be "just" bioluminescence.

There are also a large number of such sightings that are simply very rare atmospheric phenomena - things like sundogs - and as I have mentioned before, an awful lot of them are observations of US government craft, the most prominent example being the wave of triangular UFO sightings right before the stealth bomber was announced.

If you look at a lot of UFO reports and their subsequent analysis, it's clear that people are in fact very good observers, but are often simply misinterpreting legitimate phenomena.

There is also a hard nugget of unexplained events like the recent O'Hare sighting, where dozens of aviation professionals clearly described the same event and the FAA was unable to provide an explanation, or the various verified encounters between the military and UFOs, like the recent cases with radar bogies with both the Mexican and Iranian air-forces.

I would class these as "legitimately unexplained" which certainly doesn't imply the explanation "beings from other planets flying around in our skies" but simply expresses the fact that we have enough information to wonder but not enough to formulate a final explanation (though I'll offer some ideas at the end of this essay).

Contactees, like the subject of this article, are quite a different kettle of fish. It's tempting to suspect that it's only a mental phenomenon, the product of mental illness. Some contactees are clearly crazy but others seem otherwise completely rational on all other subjects - but that proves nothing at all and in fact is common in many forms of mild mental illness.

More interesting are the many examples of independent, reliable witnesses reporting unusual phenomena at the same time. What's fascinating is that the stories are often ridiculous, and the people reporting them are aware of it, and yet there are multiple people who observe something at the same time.

Here's a fave example of mine that happened to someone I vaguely know - not presented as proof of anything but typical of thousands of reports.

When this person was about 12, she had a very vivid dream, where she "woke up" and the house was all lit up. She went downstairs, and there was a huge spaceship in the yard with the word Saturn written on it, and a blonde woman in a silver space suit. This seems stupid to the girl even in her dream, so she realizes she's in a science fiction movie, chats to the woman and then "goes back to bed."

She gets up and tells her parents the next morning - she wasn't a dumb 12-year-old so everyone laughed. But no one laughed when they found a big circular burnt hole in the lawn - and the local newspaper reported "UFO" sightings the next day.

My informant on this is no sort of contactee at all. I think her theory is that it was some complex practical joke, though she's unclear as to who or why - but it's not a big thing at all, just an interesting story that a few investigators looked at. It's one of those maddening things that makes UFO investigation entertaining - that no one looking into it believed that the story was even vaguely close to "literally true" and yet there were many corroborations. (Sorry, I couldn't find a web ref. for this, and my originals are in storage...)

Jacques de Vallée is a researcher who has made some interesting discoveries - chiefly that UFO phenomena are correlated with geomagnetic activity and that UFO contactees tend to have "abnormal" activity in their temporal lobes. This last shouldn't be that surprising at all - things like epilepsy are well-known temporal lobe phenomena and have been associated with visions and reports of contact with higher powers for most of recorded history.

My best theory is "We don't understand the Earth's magnetic field as well as we think we do" (which is pretty easy to believe since we don't understand it very well anyway). I think that some sort of electro-magnetic phenomenon causes the radar bogies and other such things, and I think that this phenomenon has some sort of interaction with people's temporal lobes in fairly deterministic ways, so different people would have similar experiences.

Given the consistent nature of the radar bogies, and the fact that the last two cases seemed to be "much improved" in terms of their solidity to radar, consistency and length of contact, another theory might well be that these are some US government technological tool that simply allows planes to hoax radar and report a dramatically different position to reality, or even to give them impression of a plane where there is nothing at all.

I would say that it's a surety that the US has radar technology significantly beyond what civilians are aware of, and how unreasonable is it that the "acid test" for some new technology be first a test on a close ally (Mexico) and then on a potential enemy (Iran)?


There's a lot more to say - I intended to write about the fact that we get these sorts of predicted contacts semi-periodically and that they often seem to be correlated with times of great international tension, but always reappear sooner or later regardless.

Or, Vallée points out that if you ignore the truth value of a UFO report and you use literary analysis on UFO contact stories, they have the same structure as "visits from the little people" stories or "encounters with angels" stories from earlier generations, again implying this is some basic phenomenon in human consciousness that people simply interpret differently depending on their cultural context.

But I'm out of time. Hope I managed to educate and entertain!
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 3:44 PM on October 13, 2010 [16 favorites]

I can't help but think that (a) Hawking is right, and (b) either they'd blow us up or we'd blow them up. We can't even deal with human beings of slightly different colors than us, how the hell are we going to deal with little green men? My novel characters and the aliens are gonna have to live in underground bunkers.

Like we deal with wolf-dog hybrids IE: sorta dangerous pets that need training?

I love how people/media/yahoo gives some credence to "retired officer/military officer" as if that magically means that someone cannot possibly be a total nutcase because they served in the military or were a cop, as if it gave them some amount of respectability or authority.

Especially in light of this military commander's (also an air command officer) exploits.
posted by Mitheral at 3:52 PM on October 13, 2010

Oh, and I'd be remiss if I didn't point out an interesting datum from my friend Ray Strano ("Cosmic Ray"), which is that the fundamental resonant frequency of the Earth's magnetic field, called the Shuman resonance, is 7.83Hz.

Now, in your brainwaves, 8Hz the approximate frequency of the transition between alpha waves ("relaxation") with theta ("on the verge of sleep"), and that theta state has long been associated with visions and hallucinations (see hypnagogia) - if you read that previous link, it's hard not to think of famous UFO sighting reports.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 4:00 PM on October 13, 2010

Turns out, the dude wasn't crazy after all: http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2010/10/13/new-yorkers-mistake-balloons-for-ufos/
posted by hrbrmstr at 4:31 PM on October 13, 2010

...obviously today is the day when intraterrestials surface and make contact with earthlings.

Let's take 'em fishing!
posted by TedW at 6:12 PM on October 13, 2010

UFO -----> Object

Unnecessarily Flashing Object


ohfuckthey'rehere!
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 7:10 PM on October 13, 2010

I met some ETs today as predicted by the article. They were not impressed by my iPhone as it lacked superposition based processors and could not quickly solve np problems.
posted by humanfont at 7:11 PM on October 13, 2010

Re: the NYC UFO thing happening. A guy on this reddit thread used a 500mm lens and got the real deal: they're balloons.

Check the first comment and pic links.
posted by zardoz at 9:21 PM on October 13, 2010

Wait, did I miss it?
posted by Revvy at 11:58 PM on October 13, 2010

Actually, upon further investigation, it appears the NYC UFO sightings are stranger and more complicated than just balloons (though balloons were definitely in play, at least in part).
posted by zardoz at 12:09 AM on October 14, 2010

That hoopy Ford Prefect, like that awesome Civil Disobedient.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:18 AM on October 13 [7 favorites +] [!]

Guys? Guys! Oh wow, I'm so glad I caught you in time! The mutant star goat is coming! But don't worry, I saved the last eight seats on an escape ark for you!

It's that one over there, with the big 'B' on the side.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 12:48 AM on October 14, 2010

She went downstairs, and there was a huge spaceship in the yard with the word Saturn written on it

That reminds me of the report, although I can't find the source, that involved the witness saying they saw a UFO with the word "UFO" written on it. You know, just so it was clear what they were seeing.
posted by Snyder at 1:12 AM on October 14, 2010

Metafilter: enough information to wonder but not enough to formulate a final explanation.
posted by chavenet at 1:15 AM on October 14, 2010

So the aliens are tiny little folks who breath helium?
posted by Splunge at 4:12 AM on October 14, 2010

It's that one over there, with the big 'B' on the side.

If you've got some counterpoint to make about English grammar and the proper usage of commas, I'm all ears.

Otherwise, enjoy piloting your ship.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:53 AM on October 14, 2010

who breath helium

It's not respiration, per se; it's a cooling mechanism.
posted by Zed at 11:21 AM on October 14, 2010

This post just made me imagine David "Nordic Aliens and Reptillian Humanoids" Icke singing Come Sail Away

I thought that they were angels
Much to my surprise
We climbed aboard their starships
And headed for the skies!
posted by scalefree at 2:30 PM on October 22, 2010