Rugged Food

October 13, 2010 10:36 AM

McDonalds may have the worst burgers, but they have (visual) durability on their side, remaining consistent in appearance over 180 days on a shelf. McDonalds doesn't trust the images, according to a comment sent to The Upshot, though review by Salon finds that preservatives may not be necessary. With all this, the 180 day old Happy Meal has nothing on the hamburger from 1996, which remained unfrozen yet mold-free through 2008, or the 30 year old Twinkie that survived, unwrapped, on a shelf in Roger Bennatti's high school science class.

Following the interest in the 30 year old Twinkie, the Twinkie guru clarified that the Twinkie's shelf life is more like 25 days. The self-labeled guru was Theresa Cogswell, vice president for research and development at Interstate Bakeries Corp., the parent company of Hostess. She went on to say: "You can eat older Twinkies, but they're just not as good as when they're fresh. Then they're awesome."

Lewis Browning, retired milk man, agrees, and has eaten one a day for the past 64 years (as of April 2005). As Hostess tells it, he chose Twinkies when he was looking for "a rugged treat".

Last bit of old Twinkie weirdness: comedian Joey Petroni supposedly finds an old lunchbox with a Twinkie inside.

posted by filthy light thief (99 comments total)

Snooty McSnoot likes his 20-year old wine and 40-year old Scotch but a 180 day-old McD burger isn't good enough for them.

*fap!*
posted by mazola at 10:41 AM on October 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

I like the idea that indignant fapping is the appropriate reaction to this experiment.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:42 AM on October 13, 2010 [16 favorites]

In the 180 days project, why are the items moving around so much from photo to photo?
posted by nomadicink at 10:44 AM on October 13, 2010

I've actually never eaten a twinkie. My high school english teacher scared me when I was a freshman, saying that it wouldn't dissolve in coke overnight while if you did that to a tooth it would dissolve completely. I'm not sure how true it is since i cant find any articles relating to it (in the span of 5 minutes).
posted by BurN_ at 10:47 AM on October 13, 2010

Hey guys, I put this salty food in a cool dry place and it didn't rot! I should totally tell everyone about it!
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:51 AM on October 13, 2010 [32 favorites]

My high school english teacher scared me when I was a freshman, saying that it wouldn't dissolve in coke overnight while if you did that to a tooth it would dissolve completely.

Mythbusters did an episode on Coke. It's good as a cleaning solution (assuming you rinse thoroughly with water) but it doesn't dissolve shit.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:51 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Thanks to my all Twinkie/Big Mac diet I am both immortal and fat.
posted by theodolite at 10:53 AM on October 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

Many people use salt as a preservative without knowing how it works. This article explains why, so that you can have a better understanding of the preserving process.

Not that this means you should eat McDonald's if you want to be eating healthy food, but since salt has been used as a preservative since before written language, it also means this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:55 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

You guys should see the hardtack webcam I've been running since 1865.
posted by bondcliff at 10:56 AM on October 13, 2010 [32 favorites]

[Coke] doesn't dissolve shit.

My Coke enema business (our motto: "Things go better with Coke") and I will be suing you for libel and restraint of trade.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:57 AM on October 13, 2010 [17 favorites]

Dear AskMe,

At a recent high school reunion, I noticed a Twinkie I left out out for thirty years. Is it still safe to eat or should I buy a new one?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:58 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

At this point, anyone who eats at McDs, BK, or any of the other poison pushers, deserves what they get. It's not like it's a secret that this shit is made from garbage, and is designed to kill you. I mean, seriously...
posted by dbiedny at 10:59 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

My high school english teacher scared me when I was a freshman, saying that it wouldn't dissolve in coke overnight while if you did that to a tooth it would dissolve completely.

Mythbusters did an episode on Coke. It's good as a cleaning solution (assuming you rinse thoroughly with water) but it doesn't dissolve shit.

My kid came home from school one day when she was about nine, and announced "I heard that Coke will dissolve a nail overnight... and I want to try it and find out if it's true!" I have never been so proud of the work I'd done as a parent.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:59 AM on October 13, 2010 [21 favorites]

I have a 25-year-old Stuckey's Pecan Log sitting in a cabinet. Just waiting for a special occasion...
posted by Thorzdad at 11:00 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

In the 180 days project, why are the items moving around so much from photo to photo?

I'm guessing she didn't pick a spot for a tripod or other camera stand.

[A Twinkie] wouldn't dissolve in coke overnight while if you did that to a tooth it would dissolve completely

Mythbusters did an episode on Coke.... it doesn't dissolve shit.

Mythbusters results show soda won't dissolve a tooth overnight, but eventually a tooth might dissolve. Snopes points out that orange juice will also eventually dissolve a tooth, as both soda and citrus juice contain acids. As for the Twinkie, I'd think it would absorb the liquid and fall apart.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:00 AM on October 13, 2010

anyone who eats at McDs, BK, or any of the other poison pushers, deserves what they get. It's not like it's a secret that this shit is made from garbage, and is designed to kill you.

Well, just so long as we're not going to get hyperbolic about it or anything.
posted by dersins at 11:01 AM on October 13, 2010 [20 favorites]

I'm pretty sure the 14-year-old burger was debunked as bullshit the last time it showed up here.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:03 AM on October 13, 2010

I'm pretty sure the 14-year-old burger was debunked as bullshit the last time it showed up here.

Shhh, don't give away the secret ingredient!
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:07 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

designed to kill you

I once found a perfectly preserved, mummified lemon in the back of my fridge. And I don't think lemons will kill you.
posted by JoanArkham at 11:08 AM on October 13, 2010

You guys should see the hardtack webcam I've been running since 1865.

In all seriousness, I made a batch of hardtack a while back, and carried it around with my pirate gear. I finally ate the last piece about two and a half years after baking it.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:09 AM on October 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

I once found a perfectly preserved, mummified lemon in the back of my fridge.

Disturb the lemon mummy at your peril! The curse of the Pharaoh on any who disturb its citrus slumber!!!
posted by GuyZero at 11:12 AM on October 13, 2010 [15 favorites]

Haha Joan, seriously, your credulity in the face of the lies and propaganda coming from big citrus is a little embarrassing. Have you ever tried to squeeze a lemon? It lashes out with a lightning-quick blinding attack! Now just imagine what would happen if you were squeezing your lemon while driving a school bus full of werewolves through a minefield during a solar eclipse. Now tell me lemons aren't designed to kill.
posted by Mister_A at 11:13 AM on October 13, 2010 [17 favorites]

People get all misty-eyed and gooey about twinkies, but I never understood all that when a vastly improved version is available six inches to the left. Sure, twinkies are delicious. But they've been topped. With chocolate. And it's called a chocodile. CHOCODILE
posted by carsonb at 11:13 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Wait, some guy discovers a230 year old champagne that's still drinkable and everybody is all I'LL GIVE YOU A MILLION DOLLARS FOR IT, but a happy meal aged 180 days is an abomination? You guys confuse me.
posted by Comrade_robot at 11:13 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Hey you know what's better than a chocodile? Funny Bones. And their freshness is guaranteed, as you can see, throughout eternity. Chocodiles are awesome, though.
posted by Mister_A at 11:15 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

In all seriousness, I made a batch of hardtack a while back, and carried it around with my pirate gear.

This reminds me of the freeze-dried ice cream I carried around for five years with my astronaut gear.

Okay, I just wish I had an excuse to carry around pirate gear.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:15 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Really, it should be more or less common knowledge that most of the food on McDonald's menu is more or less composed of straightforward ingredients -- it's the deserts and sodas that are the real laced concoctions. If you have a beef with McDs, it really should be focused on their production practices and sourcing methods.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:16 AM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Which brings up the question:

"Where does champagne fit on the 'rugged' list?"


posted by mmrtnt at 11:17 AM on October 13, 2010

Ack!
posted by mmrtnt at 11:17 AM on October 13, 2010

And I don't think lemons will kill you.

That's because you've never accelerated one to a sufficient velocity....
posted by lumpenprole at 11:18 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

the 30 year old Twinkie that survived, unwrapped, on a shelf in Roger Bennatti's high school science class

Erm, really? Without even a nibble from some critter or other? That seems incredibly unlikely.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:19 AM on October 13, 2010

When I was in college, I went back to Detroit with a girlfriend that had reached the "meet the parents" stage of the relationship. The visit went well except for one huge problem: I discovered that she did not like - and would not even try - Lebanese food. At the end of a meal at one of my favorite restaurants where she refused to eat anything, I bought her the one thing I thought nobody on earth could resist: Baklava. Instead of eating it, she wrapped it in a napkin and surreptitiously stashed it in a compartment on the deck under the back window of my dad's car. Then she pretended that she had eaten it and that it was delicious. She eventually fessed up. But I never got around to calling my parents and telling them there was a hidden piece of baklava in the car.

A year later, a buddy of mine was riding in the back seat of that car. He curiously opened the compartment (not many cars have a compartment there). Without hesitation or any question as to how it got there or how long it had been there, he exclaimed "Hey! Baklava!" and ate the whole thing.

Honey is a great preservative. But still. Gross.
posted by The World Famous at 11:20 AM on October 13, 2010 [54 favorites]

Is your friend called Zoidberg?
posted by Mister_A at 11:21 AM on October 13, 2010 [18 favorites]

I once found a perfectly preserved, mummified lemon in the back of my fridge. And I don't think lemons will kill you.

Cold storage does wonders for a number of vegetables, plus pumpkins and apples. Apparently lemons can last for quite a while in a refrigerator, too.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:23 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Also, strange to see so many posts about McDonald's here (three in the past few days). I tend to never set foot there, and am sometimes surprised to notice one on a particular corner that had been there for awhile. I tend to block them out of perception until they're indistinguishable from the blur of passing scenery.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:23 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Mythbusters results show soda won't dissolve a tooth overnight, but eventually a tooth might dissolve.

Yes, if it's submerged for extended periods. I don't know about you, but I tend not to hold cola in my mouth for hours on end.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:24 AM on October 13, 2010

Sometime in early 2006, I brought an orange to work with me. It got buried under some papers, and I didn't find it for months. I still have it, over four years later, and I just took this picture of it while reading this thread...

There are lots of things to knock McDonald's for, but I'm not convinced that not decomposing should necessarily be on the list.
posted by rollbiz at 11:27 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

..."because The Hamburglarman
adds so much stuff
it makes the wood taste good..."
posted by clavdivs at 11:27 AM on October 13, 2010

> ..."because The Hamburglarman
adds so much stuff
it makes the wood taste good..."

I get that you're going for some kind of Joycean play on words thing on this site, but really it's more like that guy in the corner playing a horribly out of tune guitar that only sounds pleasing to himself.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:30 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: It's more like that guy in the corner playing a horribly out of tune guitar that only sounds pleasing to himself.
posted by kafziel at 11:34 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

My high school english teacher scared me when I was a freshman, saying that it wouldn't dissolve in coke overnight while if you did that to a tooth it would dissolve completely. I'm not sure how true it is

I once left a tooth in a bottle of coke all summer. Didn't do jack shit to it.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:34 AM on October 13, 2010

Is this what they mean when they refer to "aged beef"?

*rimshot*
posted by quin at 11:36 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's more like that guy in the corner playing a horribly out of tune guitar that only sounds pleasing to himself.

Hey, that guy's name is Thurston Moore, and he makes a decent living so lay off.
posted by The World Famous at 11:36 AM on October 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

I once left a tooth in a bottle of coke all summer. Didn't do jack shit to it.

I bet it ruined the taste of the soda...
posted by quin at 11:37 AM on October 13, 2010

I don't know about you, but I tend not to hold cola in my mouth for hours on end.

Quitter.
posted by phearlez at 11:40 AM on October 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

M. Night Hamburglarman
posted by slogger at 11:42 AM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

unlike rollbiz, I found out that oranges are quite perishable. I left one in my desk at shcool in 4th grade over a 3-day weekend. When I returned on Tuesday, instead of an orange, there was a perfectly spherical ball of blue mold in my desk! yuck!

I now kinda regret not buying the 30-year old bottle of collins mix I saw at an estate sale last weekend.
posted by vespabelle at 11:46 AM on October 13, 2010

a buddy of mine was riding in the back seat of that car. He curiously opened the compartment (not many cars have a compartment there). Without hesitation or any question as to how it got there or how long it had been there, he exclaimed "Hey! Baklava!" and ate the whole thing.

Oh my god I want to hug that guy SO HARD
posted by Greg Nog at 11:47 AM on October 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

No Zombieland mentions yet? fer shame...
posted by inthe80s at 11:52 AM on October 13, 2010

I once found a twinkie that had survived a house fire; the plastic package had puffed out, but it was otherwise still intact.

The cast iron skillet in the same cabinet was a melted mess.

Someone I know once found discovered an orange peel can melt a plastic knife.
posted by nomisxid at 11:55 AM on October 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

That OMG BURGER DOESN'T DECAY photo set was running around elsewhere not too long ago, and the sort of eco-concern histrionics that go along with it are really just a silly distraction that undermines a legitimate case for eating more whole foods, prepared with love and attention.

If I have a dry little McDonald's burger on a dry little McDonald's bun with dry little McDonald's fries sitting on a plate, you know what they'll do? They'll dry out, and stay the same for a really, really long time. It's not chemicals, it's not preservatives, it's not the great Satan high-fructose corn syrup—it's that dry things stay the same for a long time. Why don't we do one of these with dried beans on a plate, so we can have a little outrage fit ten years later because they look the same? Heck, you could make the most amazing whole wheat boule with organic wheat and home-cultured sourdough and everything, and if you let it sit, it'll look the same in 180 days, or a year, or in three years, which is why so many bakeries are able to display dusty loaves as an example of their wares.

This is such a common theme for people who want to convince people that the way that they're living is wrong. I'm no particular fan of McDonald's dry little food (except McNuggets, which are delicious when they're fresh and cooked in fresh fryer oil), but when I was working at the museum, I had a coworker that would scowl at my Happy Meals and would happily slap a newspaper cutting down in front of me every time a Baltimore-area McDonald's was closed down by the health department.

Thing is, I lost sixty pounds eating McDonald's food and other things, because I could add up the calories in a McDonald's meal off the top of my head and because I had the good sense to eat the better stuff on the menu and skip the worse things. I lost sixty pounds eating fast food, but I'm unhealthy, right, because I'm all toxified up with toxic toxins and I'm not eating enough antioxidants to anti my rusty blood before I rust into a heap like an ol' broke-ass tractor.

Umm...except that I'm a healthy guy. How did that happen?

Can we really not advocate for better eating, more activity, and more engaged living without the constant invocation of fear and revulsion, backed up with shaky information, whole cloth urban legend bullsh!t, and flat-out manipulation? Forgive my frustrated tone, but I read through the concerned language in these sort of exposés and what I get isn't real concern—it's holier-than-thou pronouncements from the kind of people who make the annoying phrase "smartest kid in the room" a necessary evil in modern discourse.

The reason to eat well, and to live well, and to be adventurous and involved and curious about what life has to offer isn't that the alternative will kill us and pickle our carcasses, even in tiny, occasional doses. That's just more of our old Western puritan history at work, that underlying fear of hell and punishment, and it's why we have such a hard time doing better, because lessons taught through shame and anxiety just don't stay, and they usually make things worse.

In light of full disclosure, my breakfast the other day was a delicious frittata of eggs from the local Amish market, a delectably pungent Stilton, caramelized home-grown sweet onions, and paper-thin slices of apple, with a couple slices of my miraculous homemade goetta fried to crispy perfection and a pot of chamomile tea. Then, I chased it all down with a handful of stale orange marshmallow circus peanuts that I found in a bag wedged down the side of the refrigerator, and they were also delicious.
posted by sonascope at 12:00 PM on October 13, 2010 [60 favorites]

... the sort of eco-concern histrionics that go along with it are really just a silly distraction that undermines a legitimate case for eating more whole foods, prepared with love and attention.

I disagree. Rational discussion of all the solid reasons to eat real food isn't effective with a lot of people. Particularly for people who grew up on fast food flavors and convenience. But the ick factor can do a lot of good.
posted by gurple at 12:02 PM on October 13, 2010

...what would happen if you were squeezing your lemon while driving a school bus full of werewolves through a minefield during a solar eclipse.

Actually, I thnk the only thing that happens when you squeeze your lemon is you fall out of bed.
posted by mmrtnt at 12:02 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

My three year old took a dump in a McDonalds bathroom and didn't flush it. So there's that.
posted by punkfloyd at 12:06 PM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hah, Mr. Bennatti. My friends had him as a teacher. Weird.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:11 PM on October 13, 2010

I once brought my neighbors cat to a McDonalds right down the street. It was in a little carry case, and I sat it right down on the floor behind two bench seats. I came back 14 years later and it was dead! I am never eating at McDonalds again because they kill kittens.
posted by Debaser626 at 12:17 PM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

I would totally pay a dollar to whoever eats that Twinkie, or to their next of kin.
posted by Durhey at 12:23 PM on October 13, 2010

I'm pretty sure the 14-year-old burger was debunked

It would have to be, for this one to exist, because THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.





Also,

Metafilter: indignant fapping is the appropriate reaction
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:24 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I once found a twinkie that had survived a house fire; the plastic package had puffed out, but it was otherwise still intact.

The cast iron skillet in the same cabinet was a melted mess.

That's.... an accomplishment, of sorts. Yay for the human race!
posted by orange swan at 12:24 PM on October 13, 2010

I recently excavated a bottle of mayonnaise from my fridge that was 10 years past the expiration date. No mold, no slime, no weird gummy oxidation products - it actually tasted almost OK, just a little old. I replaced it, since I buy mayonnaise every 10 years like clockwork, but I was pretty impressed at the preservative power in that stuff. Has anybody ever been mummified in mayonnaise?
posted by Quietgal at 12:24 PM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

> I once found a twinkie that had survived a house fire; the plastic package had puffed out, but it was otherwise still intact.

The cast iron skillet in the same cabinet was a melted mess.

That's.... an accomplishment, of sorts. Yay for the human race!

More obviously the fire spared the Twinkie, either by divine provenance or chance. It's not like twinkies don't quickly burn.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:26 PM on October 13, 2010

Note to self: In case of fire, wrap self in whatever kind of plastic they use to make Twinkie wrappers, since it apparently has a higher melting point than cast iron.
posted by The World Famous at 12:27 PM on October 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

While I'm sure they are all causes that someone would rally around, I somehow think that a holistic answer to the complexities of all of our nutritional and environmental concerns not summarized in the following:

A) Beef Jerky = Science
B) Beef Jerky = Unholy
C) Science = Unholy
D) All of the above

If you think rational discussion isn't going to convince people, what makes you think that your giant bamboo and palm leaf radar dish, control tower and runway is going to bring them around?

I mean seriously, if I had a dollar for every person who went Eewwwwwwwwww! Because there might be some modicum of connective tissue in their McNugget, but also was gulping down chondroitin supplements, I'd be a very rich man. (Richer still once my bamboo and palm leaf plantation gets off the ground. Pauses to stroke Persian cat.)
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 12:30 PM on October 13, 2010

...connective tissue in their McNugget...

As a kid, I never had a problem eating fried chicken until one day I got a drumstick that was broken and I thought, "What? Did this chicken get hit by a car on the way to the store?"

Ever since then, I have to sort of mentally disengage in order to enjoy eating chicken meat on the bone.

Therefore, I find McNuggets preferable and would never remark on the presence of a random tendon.


what? You expected a point?
posted by mmrtnt at 12:42 PM on October 13, 2010

> Ever since then, I have to sort of mentally disengage in order to enjoy eating chicken meat on the bone.

I highly recommend the Indonesian fried noodle restaurant chain Mie Ceker next time you're in the archipelago, then. (Hint: "mie" means "fried" and "ceker" means "chicken feet")
posted by Burhanistan at 12:48 PM on October 13, 2010

And I don't think lemons will kill you.

As the old aviation saying went - With a big enough engine, a barn door will fly.

If you get that lemon going fast enough....it'll kill ya.
posted by rough ashlar at 12:59 PM on October 13, 2010

> I highly recommend the Indonesian fried noodle restaurant chain... chicken feet

Well thanks, but although I'm okay with the occasional tendon, I"m not sure I'd care to eat something comprised entirely of them.

Like your quoting style, btw.
posted by mmrtnt at 1:10 PM on October 13, 2010

> Like your quoting style, btw.

Ah, that would be the little bookmarklet I have installed. I don't use this one, but it's very similar.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:12 PM on October 13, 2010

Hey guys, I put this salty food dead person in a cool dry place and it didn't rot! I should totally tell everyone about it!

Yes, the more I think about it, the less spectacular this post is. Looking back over it, it's interesting to see that McDonalds reps are saying that these pictures are something from "the realm of urban legends", and Hostess says Twinkies are have a shelf-life of 25 days. Since neither have a lot of moisture to lose, they wouldn't shrivel like human mummies, but they could appear to be fine for a long time.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:21 PM on October 13, 2010

Burhanistan: Ah, that would be the little bookmarklet I have installed. I don't use this one, but it's very similar.

Swanky, thanks!
posted by filthy light thief at 1:24 PM on October 13, 2010

As the old aviation saying went - With a big enough engine, a barn door will fly.

rough ashlar : If you get that lemon going fast enough....it'll kill ya.

I am so glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way. And consider this, they aren't only deadly at speed, if you combine enough of them together and drop them on someone from a height, you can see yet another demonstration of their fatal ways.

Lemons are really dangerous is what I'm basically trying to say.
posted by quin at 1:41 PM on October 13, 2010

quin: Lemons are really dangerous is what I'm basically trying to say.

You're not the first to say this.

Oh, and thanks for the bookmark tip, Burhanistan!
posted by me & my monkey at 1:50 PM on October 13, 2010

Lemons are really dangerous is what I'm basically trying to say.

Nonsense! Why, if you look around on the internet, you can find people safely having an outright lemon PARTY!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:54 PM on October 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Why don't we do one of these with dried beans on a plate, so we can have a little outrage fit ten years later because they look the same?

I see what you did there.
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 2:25 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Strange things can happen when you overclock a lemon. Seriously. Ser-i-ous-ly. Ly. (yes, I bought the (now discontinued) t-shirt)
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:33 PM on October 13, 2010

is there a metafilter script that causes the old hamburger and happy meals to show up once again every 18,0 days?
posted by krautland at 3:00 PM on October 13, 2010

The World Famous: "Honey is a great preservative. But still. Gross."
I give you the Mellified Man.
posted by msbutah at 3:06 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

either by divine provenance or chance

wow, the twinkie and causal determinism. I see your rudimentary attempts at humor good natured.

so heres a pack of 50 year old luckies to help you on your way to the cosmoloigical argument.
(your bookmark technique is COOL by the way...oh, do go on)
posted by clavdivs at 3:40 PM on October 13, 2010

cosmoloigical

heh
posted by clavdivs at 3:41 PM on October 13, 2010

Great, guys. Now I'm terrified of lemons. Thanks a lot.

*drowns sorrow in Happy Meal*
posted by JoanArkham at 4:10 PM on October 13, 2010

I discovered that she did not like - and would not even try - Lebanese food.

I'm more shocked by this than any thing else.
posted by wcfields at 4:48 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm more shocked by this than any thing else.

As was I. I recognize now that my life would have been better if I had ended it then and there. Oh well.
posted by The World Famous at 4:54 PM on October 13, 2010

anyone who eats at McDs, BK, or any of the other poison pushers, deserves what they get.

Deserve's got nothing to do with it.
posted by Bookhouse at 5:59 PM on October 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I discovered that she did not like - and would not even try - Lebanese food.

Is she straight and dyslexic, by any chance?
posted by Sys Rq at 6:06 PM on October 13, 2010

Jesus, I have a high tolerance for the strange and this thread has taken me deep into that territory. Congrats! I think.
posted by jeremias at 6:44 PM on October 13, 2010

Presumably the McDonald's burgers were still hanging around inside John Wayne's colon.

I won't say the indefinitely preserved McD's items are urban legends, but the idea that food residues (especially meat) remain indefinitely trapped in your colon, requiring cleansing enemas and high colonics, is definitely a medical legend; the same kind of people tend to credit both ideas.

It's what you do digest and take in from McDonald's food that is the problem.
posted by bad grammar at 7:03 PM on October 13, 2010

The late wife and I were cleaning out a car that hadn't been driven in 9+ months a few years ago, and came across a McDonald's hamburger. How it got there, I don't know. However, it was wrapped in paper and looked just fine, other than being hard as a hockey puck.
posted by mrbill at 7:58 PM on October 13, 2010

Twinkies aren't very good straight out of the package, but they're awesome grilled. (Fried = too much trouble, and not as good as grilled anyway). Do it quickly, though. If you're not paying attention, the Twinkie will burn and stick to the grill. And that's no good.
posted by asperity at 9:27 PM on October 13, 2010

My three year old took a dump in a McDonalds bathroom and didn't flush it. So there's that.

I can't believe this doesn't have more favorites. This was one of the funniest MetaFilter comments I've read in a while.

Just me?
posted by MattMangels at 11:00 PM on October 13, 2010

So at age ten I heard spam lasted a decade. Bought spam, ssam lite, and armour treet for my birthday. Kept both until my twentieth birthday. Received various spam merchandise from friends in the meantime. Served to bold friends along with one fresh can. The armour had to be trashed upon opening. Rancid. The rest kept well enough. Nobody became sick at least.

I still have never eaten spam.
posted by beardlace at 12:02 AM on October 14, 2010

I bought her the one thing I thought nobody on earth could resist: Baklava

I'm sorry, but bleurgh to baklava. I like Lebanese food but that shit is too sweet.
posted by Lleyam at 4:22 AM on October 14, 2010

"Honey is a great preservative. But still. Gross."

I knew someone who wouldn't eat it because 'it's an antiseptic and that makes me suspicious'. Which is hard to argue with really.
posted by mippy at 4:28 AM on October 14, 2010

Can we really not advocate for better eating, more activity, and more engaged living without the constant invocation of fear and revulsion, backed up with shaky information, whole cloth urban legend bullsh!t, and flat-out manipulation?

Favourited just for that. There's a celeb magazine over here that focuses very firmly on bodies, weight-loss/gain, and who lost what on which miracle diet. In one feature, they have an article where they analyze a celebrity's diet (complete with calorie count per meal). The 'food expert' said that eating sushi is bad 'because of the carbs in the rice', and 'she shouldn't be eating anything after 6pm.'

Now, if you're a regular person who wants to eat cheaply and healthily, then no carbs for you, and if you finish your job at five and don't get home until 6.30 then you'd better make sure you had a nice, filling, carb-free lunch. And if you're overweight, you need to be Shamed and then go on a Detox Programme for which you must pay £39.99 to drink some syrup and vitamins as that is the only way to lose weight 'properly'.

No wonder half of us are obese and the other half see an extra biscuit as a sin ona par with choking children. If we all learned to love food rather than this bizarre loathing/limerance dichotomy we have, then it would be easier for people to understand what does their bodies good. Yeah, I might be saying this as an overweight person, but at least I know that a lighter lunch and a swim a few times a week will help me more than drinking pu-erh tea.
posted by mippy at 4:35 AM on October 14, 2010

Twinkies aren't very good straight out of the package, but they're awesome grilled.

Also good roasted over a campfire, marshmallow-style. Oh, and Peeps are excellent that way. Like mini crème brulée bombs on a stick.
posted by JoanArkham at 6:00 AM on October 14, 2010

I don't get all the "well duh, salt is a preservative" or "HELLO, HARDTACK" dismissals. Are ancient sailors famed for their healthy eating?
posted by DU at 6:06 AM on October 14, 2010

I don't get all the "well duh, salt is a preservative" or "HELLO, HARDTACK" dismissals. Are ancient sailors famed for their healthy eating?

Nobody's saying that McDonald's burgers are particularly healthful. But this is being presented as some sort of "Oh no, these are horrible slabs of poisonous unnatural chemicals that aren't food" situation, as opposed to the very simple and natural and well-understood process of meat plus salt plus cool dry place.

'course, one thing some folks are glossing over is that no matter how similar the burger might look, it's probably dried up to the point of inedibility by now.
posted by kafziel at 7:55 AM on October 14, 2010

asperity: Twinkies aren't very good straight out of the package, but they're awesome grilled.

JoanArkham: Also good roasted over a campfire, marshmallow-style. Oh, and Peeps are excellent that way. Like mini crème brulée bombs on a stick.

I've never thought of grilled Twinkies, though I have roasted Peeps over a fire. A friend's mother was fond of Peeps recipes, and thought the idea of roasted peeps was brilliant, exactly because they were pre-made to be crème brulée'd. Sugar crystals on the outside, gooey goodness on the inside? Brilliant!
posted by filthy light thief at 4:44 PM on October 14, 2010

What really happens if you leave a McDonalds burger sitting around (advance to 1:09 to skip the intro).
posted by jamaro at 12:58 PM on October 18, 2010

> What really happens yt if you leave a McDonalds burger sitting around (advance to 1:09 to skip the intro).

I can indeed haz cheezburger!
posted by Burhanistan at 1:06 PM on October 18, 2010