August 27, 2001

10:42 AM

If you were to assassinate someone what weapon would you choose? Some poison or maybe a sniper rifle. Well L. Piyasena decided to try something different, assassination by bus.
posted by bytecode (30 comments total)

Well heck a bus is more innocuous that a tank; unless a person was a recently landed visitor from Neptune you probably can't help but to have seen footage of a tank smashing around San Diego (think it was 2 years ago).

Another person with a "history of mental disturbance" borrowed a tank from a national guard armory. Apparently he had driving experience and put on a good show, taking out RVs, pickups, etc...all empty thankfully.

What is it with disturbed people and heavy vehicles.
posted by daragh at 11:45 AM on August 27, 2001

what weapon would you choose?

Someone else.
posted by UncleFes at 11:46 AM on August 27, 2001

A haddock.
posted by Atom Heart Mother at 11:47 AM on August 27, 2001

An intern.
posted by alan at 11:52 AM on August 27, 2001

I'd use an SUV and crash it into a normal, economical car since crashes of this sort tend to kill people in the smaller cars and this act would bolster my ill will towards SUVs in general.
posted by woodge at 11:53 AM on August 27, 2001

I'd use a TV camera with a gun inside so not only could everyone else enjoy it too (how thoughful of me), but i could get pretty close to the target whilst pointing my weapon and still not raise alarm.

In fact, if i was in charge i'd make it so every tv camera had a gun inside, a fixed i.p number and only live tv was permitted. I could then sit in my keypad-equiped presidential armchair firing at will as i channel hopped pausing occassionally to roll my head back and let out a haunting, bellowing, roar of a laugh.
posted by Kino at 11:59 AM on August 27, 2001

A nude photo of Janet Reno.
posted by dagny at 12:04 PM on August 27, 2001

I'd counter issue 'the chosen ones' with a nude picture of Joan Rivers aloft a greased pony as an effective shield to ensure their defense against such harsh ends.
posted by Kino at 12:11 PM on August 27, 2001

"Sir, I am on my way to kill Prabhakaran, why did you stop me?" local media quoted Mr. Piyasena as telling police when they arrested him.

that is golden!!! i would use a spork. no, make that a lot of sporks.
posted by adampsyche at 12:12 PM on August 27, 2001

i would use a spork

Maybe a titanium spork?
posted by PeteyStock at 12:23 PM on August 27, 2001

When sporks are outlawed, only outlaws will have sporks ... and titanium ones, at that.

Errr, or something like that .....
posted by tobey at 12:47 PM on August 27, 2001

How about a zinc spork?
posted by tippiedog at 12:50 PM on August 27, 2001

Can't find the story online, but on NH public radio this morning there was a story out of Amherst, NH about an estranged husband who aparantly flew a small plane into the house where his wife and daughter were.
They were not home.
He is dead...
posted by anathema at 12:52 PM on August 27, 2001

thank you peteystock, my life is complete, and my wife will never forgive you...
posted by adampsyche at 12:58 PM on August 27, 2001

anathema, et al: If you were going to commit suicide, would you fly your plane into your own home?
posted by msacheson at 1:11 PM on August 27, 2001

In fact, if i was in charge i'd make it so every tv camera had a gun inside, a fixed i.p number and only live tv was permitted. I could then sit in my keypad-equiped presidential armchair firing at will as i channel hopped pausing occassionally to roll my head back and let out a haunting, bellowing, roar of a laugh.

Reminds me of a quote from Michael O'Donoghue:
"I don't think television will ever be perfected until the viewer can press a button and cause whoever is on the screen's head to explode."
posted by Dirjy at 1:21 PM on August 27, 2001

Well no one made the obvious Gary Conduit joke. So yes I'd use a democratic congressman.
posted by geoff. at 1:31 PM on August 27, 2001

1. What a beautiful story. I love that guy, he has gumption. (yes, I said that)

2. Dude, that titanium spork is only $9.95!

3. The camera/gun thing has been done.
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 1:37 PM on August 27, 2001

It'd take more than the presence of a deadly titanium fork for me to ever contemplate being subjected to 10 ft moving images of the stilton-esque horror that is either Kevin Costner or Whitney Houston on a screen complete with accompanying soundtrack for a couple of hours, let alone pay for the pleasure. But i hope you enjoyed it, hotdoughnutnow.

No idea who Michael O'Donoghue is Dirgy, but he sounds like a potential chosen one.
posted by Kino at 2:33 PM on August 27, 2001

Here, have a Joan Rivers picture.. If you ever have to use it in battle, be sure to only look at the pony.
posted by Kino at 2:42 PM on August 27, 2001

I know who I’d suspect in a death by titanium spork.
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:47 PM on August 27, 2001

The camera and gun thing was also the weapon of assassination employed against Al Giardello in the "let's wrap everything up since the bastards at NBC cancelled us after we were done filming for the season and we left plot lines dangling" Homicide: Life on the Streets telepic.

Just thought I'd point that out.

My choice of weapon would have to be a telephone. You can kill someone quite efficiently with a single blow to the solar plexus with a good, old fashioned, telephone, and it's a perfect weapon. Who would suspect that you used a phone to commit an assassination?
posted by Dreama at 3:14 PM on August 27, 2001

I know who I’d suspect in a death by titanium spork.

Or maybe someone else...
posted by kindall at 3:31 PM on August 27, 2001

Ricin and a needle.
posted by aramaic at 3:33 PM on August 27, 2001

Someone once trained a dog to kill at the sound of a telephone in 'Colombo'.

Of course, despite his dodgy eye, old-brownmac himself saw through the killers spot on alibi and had him caged like the beast he was. The dog, however, got away scot-free.
posted by Kino at 3:33 PM on August 27, 2001

"If you were going to commit suicide, would you fly your plane into your own home?"

Only if I knew I was home at the time.
posted by mb01 at 4:01 PM on August 27, 2001

I'd much prefer to fly my home into a plane; if i'm gonna go, i'm gonna do something ingenious. I'll be needing a basement full of dynamite to rival that of your average disgruntled ethnic Albanian and the timing of an Ethiopian kestrel, but i'm sure it could be done.
posted by Kino at 4:43 PM on August 27, 2001

A Spotted Dick.
posted by jcterminal at 6:53 PM on August 27, 2001

As i kid, school used to try and kill us with spotted dick each lunchtime. I imagine they figured that if the pudding didn't get us the groundhog day of a menu would eventually drive us towards collective suicide. Eventually, someone had the good sense to burn the place down.

Luckily these days, of course, i can indulge in the benefits adult status brings by getting to make all my own choices of treats. The only time i come face to face with the nasty sight of spotted dick now is when i run out of penicillin.. Perhaps i should select my treats more carefully.

Oops.
posted by Kino at 7:55 PM on August 27, 2001

Forced reading of every page of every congressman's website...
posted by fooljay at 10:02 PM on August 27, 2001