Time Expired
October 15, 2010 10:55 AM Subscribe
You shouldn't be in such a hurry to be the first person to vocalize the joke literally EVERYONE thought of that you don't spell it correctly.
posted by absalom at 11:00 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by absalom at 11:00 AM on October 15, 2010
Get off my lawn.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:00 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:00 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
Finally!
posted by francesca too at 11:01 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by francesca too at 11:01 AM on October 15, 2010
"Hey y'all, watch this!"
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:03 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:03 AM on October 15, 2010
Holy crap, Jessamyn is EVERYWHERE. I think she owns the internet!
posted by 1000monkeys at 11:04 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by 1000monkeys at 11:04 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
You shouldn't be in such a hurry to be the first person to vocalize the joke literally EVERYONE thought of that you don't spell it correctly.
Story of my life.
posted by The Whelk at 11:05 AM on October 15, 2010
Story of my life.
posted by The Whelk at 11:05 AM on October 15, 2010
Here's one for all of you who are online too much.
posted by not_on_display at 11:06 AM on October 15, 2010 [7 favorites]
posted by not_on_display at 11:06 AM on October 15, 2010 [7 favorites]
Told you I was sick.
posted by acheekymonkey at 11:06 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by acheekymonkey at 11:06 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
RIP Metafilter: You shouldn't be in such a hurry to be the first person to vocalize the joke literally EVERYONE thought of.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:10 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 11:10 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
"Stopped The Temporal Invasion of 2456."
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:10 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:10 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
You shouldn't be in such a hurry to be the first person to vocalize the joke literally EVERYONE thought of that you don't spell it correctly.
Are you in such a hurry to correct LSK to check and see if the misspelling is a legitimate reference?
posted by chambers at 11:11 AM on October 15, 2010 [15 favorites]
Are you in such a hurry to correct LSK to check and see if the misspelling is a legitimate reference?
posted by chambers at 11:11 AM on October 15, 2010 [15 favorites]
"That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die."
posted by hermitosis at 11:11 AM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
And with strange aeons even death may die."
posted by hermitosis at 11:11 AM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
Beloved Husband
Devoted Father
Merciless Emperor of the Galaxy
posted by kmz at 11:13 AM on October 15, 2010 [10 favorites]
I want mine to read:
BACK UP
I'M DIGGING MY WAY OUT
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:13 AM on October 15, 2010 [8 favorites]
I'M DIGGING MY WAY OUT
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:13 AM on October 15, 2010 [8 favorites]
posted by griphus at 11:14 AM on October 15, 2010 [9 favorites]
account disabled.
posted by nomadicink at 11:15 AM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by nomadicink at 11:15 AM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
None the fucking wiser.
posted by MajorDundee at 11:16 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by MajorDundee at 11:16 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Saw five sharks
Off the coast
Four he missed
One almost
Possibly followed by 'Burma Shave'.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 AM on October 15, 2010 [9 favorites]
Off the coast
Four he missed
One almost
Possibly followed by 'Burma Shave'.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 AM on October 15, 2010 [9 favorites]
see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
posted by mcgordonliddy at 11:17 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by mcgordonliddy at 11:17 AM on October 15, 2010
My best friend and I laugh about speech class way, way back in high school, where it seemed everyone would wrap up by saying, "Well, I guess that's it then." Which seems like it would work well on a tomb, too.
posted by Man-Thing at 11:18 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Man-Thing at 11:18 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Wreckage Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship
posted by chugg at 11:18 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by chugg at 11:18 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
I'm amazed that the grave of Karl Marx is completely free of vandalism. (Unless it's the 2,000th version of his grave to be replaced...)
posted by overeducated_alligator at 11:19 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by overeducated_alligator at 11:19 AM on October 15, 2010
I always wanted a sundial and something cheerful:
"Cold was my cup
and bitter was my drink.
Look to your clocks, friends:
it is later than you think."
posted by adipocere at 11:20 AM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
"Cold was my cup
and bitter was my drink.
Look to your clocks, friends:
it is later than you think."
posted by adipocere at 11:20 AM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
My favorite from my undergrad taphology minor was Lt. Underwood's inscription from his monument at Mt. Auburn in Cambridge, MA: "Felled By Savages While Promoting The Cause of Philanthropy in the South Pacific."
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:21 AM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:21 AM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
I'm planning to be cremated, but if I were to have a grave, I'd like this set in stone above me.
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:27 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:27 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
TILT
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010
Wish You Were Here
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
I want to do something so outrageous that the headstone just says:
Banned!
but please don't let cortex compose the reason, I don't want some bad joke hanging over my head for eternity!
posted by HuronBob at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
Banned!
but please don't let cortex compose the reason, I don't want some bad joke hanging over my head for eternity!
posted by HuronBob at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
"But I digress"
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:31 AM on October 15, 2010
I want mine to say "Be Right Back" with a carved zombie face beneath it.
posted by 1000monkeys at 11:32 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by 1000monkeys at 11:32 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
Can someone explain the pepperoni and cheese deal?
/dense
posted by Mister_A at 11:32 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
/dense
posted by Mister_A at 11:32 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
When I die I want a bronze statue of myself with a bronze pigeon perched on my head so that when other pigeons land on the statue it will look like a stack of pigeons.
posted by oulipian at 11:32 AM on October 15, 2010 [15 favorites]
posted by oulipian at 11:32 AM on October 15, 2010 [15 favorites]
kill -9
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:33 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:33 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
Are you in such a hurry to correct LSK to check and see if the misspelling is a legitimate reference?
Then I wouldn't have had the SECOND post, would I?
posted by absalom at 11:35 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Then I wouldn't have had the SECOND post, would I?
posted by absalom at 11:35 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Lose Weight Now Ask Me How
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:35 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:35 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
My favorite tombstone ever is Rodney Dangerfield's which says "There Goes the Neighborhood". I think that is the most amazingly beautiful thing you could put on Rodney Dangerfield's tombstone because it celebrates him and appreciates him as he actually was rather than trying to make something else of him in death. The idea of it makes me giggle and tear up at the same time.
Also, at some point I resolved to live to the age of eighty-five because that's a good long time and then I will die in 2069 and the thought of having "69" on my tombstone for all eternity is HILARIOUS.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:37 AM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
Also, at some point I resolved to live to the age of eighty-five because that's a good long time and then I will die in 2069 and the thought of having "69" on my tombstone for all eternity is HILARIOUS.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 11:37 AM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
posted by The Whelk at 11:38 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 11:38 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
PLAYER 2 UP
posted by not_on_display at 11:39 AM on October 15, 2010 [10 favorites]
posted by not_on_display at 11:39 AM on October 15, 2010 [10 favorites]
A confusing one that I saw in Greenwood Cemetary in Brooklyn
posted by Danf at 11:39 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Danf at 11:39 AM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
Young'N'StillGood says she wants "but I'm not dead yet!"
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:40 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:40 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
A confusing one that I saw in Greenwood Cemetary in Brooklyn
Anyone have access to the OED? See if there's an no-longer-used- definition of "desperate" ca. 1924?
posted by griphus at 11:44 AM on October 15, 2010
Anyone have access to the OED? See if there's an no-longer-used- definition of "desperate" ca. 1924?
posted by griphus at 11:44 AM on October 15, 2010
I have no intention of having a headstone, but I've always fancied the idea of something like:
"When I crawl back out of here, there is going to be hell to pay..."
Just to scare little kids visiting the cemetery.
posted by quin at 11:46 AM on October 15, 2010
"When I crawl back out of here, there is going to be hell to pay..."
Just to scare little kids visiting the cemetery.
posted by quin at 11:46 AM on October 15, 2010
I didn't know Eleonora Duse was buried in Greenwood! I used to live right there.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:47 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by Navelgazer at 11:47 AM on October 15, 2010
"Suck it, Taxes."
posted by Eideteker at 11:47 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by Eideteker at 11:47 AM on October 15, 2010 [6 favorites]
So Crowded
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:48 AM on October 15, 2010
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:48 AM on October 15, 2010
Though if that one's repossessed, they can replace it with one that says:
Beloved Father, Husband, and Tax Cheat
posted by Eideteker at 11:48 AM on October 15, 2010
Beloved Father, Husband, and Tax Cheat
posted by Eideteker at 11:48 AM on October 15, 2010
Where Are My Pants
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:48 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:48 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
Oh, and I'd like to have two sets of dates and something like "And stay down!" written on mine.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:49 AM on October 15, 2010 [19 favorites]
posted by Navelgazer at 11:49 AM on October 15, 2010 [19 favorites]
BRB. GOING TO HELL.
posted by Eideteker at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Eideteker at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Can someone explain the pepperoni and cheese deal?
/dense
posted by Mister_A at 11:32 AM on October 15 [+] [!]
Tombstone is a brand of pizza.
posted by get off of my cloud at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
/dense
posted by Mister_A at 11:32 AM on October 15 [+] [!]
Tombstone is a brand of pizza.
posted by get off of my cloud at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
What Was That All About???
or
Just Run That Past Me Again
posted by MajorDundee at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010
or
Just Run That Past Me Again
posted by MajorDundee at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010
"They said only the good die young. Well, I showed them."
posted by Eideteker at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by Eideteker at 11:50 AM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
"What Was That All About???
or
Just Run That Past Me Again"
I have terminal WHAT?
posted by Eideteker at 11:51 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
or
Just Run That Past Me Again"
I have terminal WHAT?
posted by Eideteker at 11:51 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
scroll down to the headstone - Doris Seward was so convinced she would see the millennium that she had "20-" pre-engraved on her tombstone. But she died in 1999.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:51 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:51 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Over my dead body
posted by jan murray at 11:52 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by jan murray at 11:52 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
Well I got curious about her, just now, and saw her Wiki page, which says that she is buried in Italy. It's the same dates, so maybe it is just a memorial, but it sure looked like a grave.
Or maybe part of her will always be in Brooklyn. . . .
posted by Danf at 11:53 AM on October 15, 2010
Or maybe part of her will always be in Brooklyn. . . .
posted by Danf at 11:53 AM on October 15, 2010
Ohhhh...
I did ask for it, but I liked it better when I didn't get the joke.
posted by Mister_A at 11:54 AM on October 15, 2010
I did ask for it, but I liked it better when I didn't get the joke.
posted by Mister_A at 11:54 AM on October 15, 2010
_ /) mo / ) |/)\) /\_ \__|= ( ) __)(__ _____/ \\______ | _ ___ _ || | | \ | | \ || | | | | | | || | |_/ | |_/ || | | \ | | || | | \ | | || | | \. _|_. | . || | || | sammy mazola jr || | || | 1968-2098 || | || | 2 posts || | 75833 comments || | 75832 favorites || | || | || * | * ** * ** |** ** \)).,,\|\|(/.,(//,,..,,\||(,,.,\\,.((//posted by mazola at 11:54 AM on October 15, 2010 [19 favorites]
"Going Underground."
"Tried Life, but meh."
"I was into Life a while back, but it just got too mainstream."
posted by Eideteker at 11:54 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
"Tried Life, but meh."
"I was into Life a while back, but it just got too mainstream."
posted by Eideteker at 11:54 AM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
Dammit, FelliniBlank stole my personal catchphrase... but for my tombstone, it should say "But I Digressed".
My favorite funny tombstone belongs to TV Talkshow Host Merv Griffin: "I will NOT be right back after this message"
Still, if somebody asked me "what do you want on your tombstone?" I'd probably reply, "don't you have a half-way decent frozen pizza like DiGiornio?" (Frozen pizza never gets more than half-way decent, but there was a great DiGiornio coupon at Costco and my oven's not big enough for their Take-N-Bake... but I digress)
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:58 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
My favorite funny tombstone belongs to TV Talkshow Host Merv Griffin: "I will NOT be right back after this message"
Still, if somebody asked me "what do you want on your tombstone?" I'd probably reply, "don't you have a half-way decent frozen pizza like DiGiornio?" (Frozen pizza never gets more than half-way decent, but there was a great DiGiornio coupon at Costco and my oven's not big enough for their Take-N-Bake... but I digress)
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:58 AM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
To be slightly serious for a second, I actually still get a bit emotional when I think about Buffy's gravestone:
Beloved Sister
Devoted Friend
She Saved the World
A Lot
posted by kmz at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2010 [7 favorites]
Beloved Sister
Devoted Friend
She Saved the World
A Lot
posted by kmz at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2010 [7 favorites]
"This, too, shall pass."
posted by Eideteker at 12:04 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Eideteker at 12:04 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Don't worry, guys, I got this."
posted by Eideteker at 12:04 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Eideteker at 12:04 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'm not hear right now, but if you leave a message at the stone, I'll get back to you as soon as I'm able.
posted by Eideteker at 12:06 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Eideteker at 12:06 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
"Not to worry, gents—it says 'inflammable.'"
posted by Mister_A at 12:07 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 12:07 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
You'll Read This Epitaph Over My Dead Body
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:09 PM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:09 PM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
Après moi, le déluge.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:10 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:10 PM on October 15, 2010
And if I'm buried in Vienna:
THIS MEANS NOTHING TO ME
posted by Eideteker at 12:11 PM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
THIS MEANS NOTHING TO ME
posted by Eideteker at 12:11 PM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
Look out! behind you!
posted by The Whelk at 12:12 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 12:12 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
This one has special meaning among my motohooligan friends:
"Hold my beer."
posted by Eideteker at 12:13 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Hold my beer."
posted by Eideteker at 12:13 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Error 301
localroger has permanently moved on
Error 503
localroger's new server is inaccessible
posted by localroger at 12:14 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
localroger has permanently moved on
Error 503
localroger's new server is inaccessible
posted by localroger at 12:14 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
IF YOU ARE READING THIS
TEQUILA DOES NOT MAKE
YOU BULLETPROOF
posted by tommasz at 12:14 PM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
TEQUILA DOES NOT MAKE
YOU BULLETPROOF
posted by tommasz at 12:14 PM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
SEE YOU IN CHINA
posted by Eideteker at 12:16 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Eideteker at 12:16 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
No Tombstone and not very creative:
Good Husband
Good Friend
Friend of Dogs
GREAT FATHER!
posted by winks007 at 12:18 PM on October 15, 2010
Good Husband
Good Friend
Friend of Dogs
GREAT FATHER!
posted by winks007 at 12:18 PM on October 15, 2010
"Not dead which eternal lies,
In stranger aeons, death may WHAT THE ELDRITCH HORROR IS THAT OH MY—"
"EATEN FIRST"
posted by Eideteker at 12:23 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
In stranger aeons, death may WHAT THE ELDRITCH HORROR IS THAT OH MY—"
"EATEN FIRST"
posted by Eideteker at 12:23 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
NECROPHILIACS:
THE LINE FORMS HERE.
posted by Eideteker at 12:25 PM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
THE LINE FORMS HERE.
posted by Eideteker at 12:25 PM on October 15, 2010 [5 favorites]
My Parkour Skills May Have Been Slightly Exaggerated
I Guess This Settles That Whole Green Wire, Red Wire Thing.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:25 PM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
I Guess This Settles That Whole Green Wire, Red Wire Thing.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:25 PM on October 15, 2010 [3 favorites]
"What's that smell?"
posted by Eideteker at 12:26 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Eideteker at 12:26 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
This Is Just To Say
I have eaten
the body
that was in
the coffin
and which
you were probably
saving
for end times
Forgive me
it was delicious
so sweet
and so cold
posted by not_on_display at 12:26 PM on October 15, 2010 [22 favorites]
I have eaten
the body
that was in
the coffin
and which
you were probably
saving
for end times
Forgive me
it was delicious
so sweet
and so cold
posted by not_on_display at 12:26 PM on October 15, 2010 [22 favorites]
Help, I'm Trapped In A Tombstone Factory
posted by griphus at 12:31 PM on October 15, 2010 [10 favorites]
posted by griphus at 12:31 PM on October 15, 2010 [10 favorites]
Why the fuck is everyone driving on the left side?
posted by Mister_A at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 12:32 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Time Is An Illusion So Technically I'm Not Here And Also You Are
posted by mightygodking at 12:34 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by mightygodking at 12:34 PM on October 15, 2010
DIVIDE BY ZERO ERROR
posted by Eideteker at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Eideteker at 12:35 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Wow! Thanks for posting my blog, Potomac Avenue! And it's great that Jessamyn's photo was at the top when it hit MeFi.
I love everybody's tombstone ideas, and I make the following promise: if any of you actually follow through, I will DEFINITELY feature you in my blog. (But may I have to wait a hundred years to do so.)
posted by yankeefog at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
I love everybody's tombstone ideas, and I make the following promise: if any of you actually follow through, I will DEFINITELY feature you in my blog. (But may I have to wait a hundred years to do so.)
posted by yankeefog at 12:43 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
Does anyone remember an old childrens' mystery novel called Here Lies the Body? It was full of stuff like this:
"Here lies the body of Xevious Xavier,
Someone objected to his Xevious behavior."
posted by charred husk at 12:47 PM on October 15, 2010
"Here lies the body of Xevious Xavier,
Someone objected to his Xevious behavior."
posted by charred husk at 12:47 PM on October 15, 2010
Russian Mafia tombstones.
Except they're in Ukraine.
posted by mazola at 12:48 PM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
Except they're in Ukraine.
posted by mazola at 12:48 PM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
I have always been a fan of simplicity and brevity.
"WHOOPS!"
or even just
"OOPS"
posted by Eideteker at 12:49 PM on October 15, 2010
"WHOOPS!"
or even just
"OOPS"
posted by Eideteker at 12:49 PM on October 15, 2010
Hey everybody, watch THIS!
posted by Ella Fynoe at 1:00 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by Ella Fynoe at 1:00 PM on October 15, 2010
You Kids, Get Off My Lawn?
posted by 1000monkeys at 1:01 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by 1000monkeys at 1:01 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's not funny, but I've always liked:
Time held me green and dying
though I sang in my chains like the sea.
[by Dylan Thomas, "Fern Hill"]
posted by colfax at 1:03 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Time held me green and dying
though I sang in my chains like the sea.
[by Dylan Thomas, "Fern Hill"]
posted by colfax at 1:03 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh, and thanks, LobsterMitten! I had already featured Ms. Seward's tombstone -- courtesy of another great Jessamyn West photo -- but it was fun to see more backstory on her.
I truly believe that if your obituary can include the phrase "Her Ph.D. was eaten by her beagle," you have had a life well spent.
posted by yankeefog at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
I truly believe that if your obituary can include the phrase "Her Ph.D. was eaten by her beagle," you have had a life well spent.
posted by yankeefog at 1:04 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
The man said "Keep your head, and arms, inside the Mixer at all times."
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:15 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:15 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Damn, why did I let that 1-Up mushroom get away?
posted by ayerarcturus at 1:30 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by ayerarcturus at 1:30 PM on October 15, 2010
Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair or fucking beatings.
This did, though.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:34 PM on October 15, 2010
This did, though.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:34 PM on October 15, 2010
My favorite epitaph is Mel Blanc's: "That's all folks!"
posted by benzenedream at 1:38 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by benzenedream at 1:38 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
George Walker Bush
1946 - 20__
Surely this.
posted by yeti at 1:40 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
1946 - 20__
Surely this.
posted by yeti at 1:40 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
"You should see the other guy"
posted by echo target at 1:45 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by echo target at 1:45 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Can someone explain the pepperoni and cheese deal?
/dense
It's all about the Apple II emulators and rom distribution. Long, long ago, one person dumped everybody's favorite river-fording, dysentery-dying-from classic Oregon Trail from floppy and uploaded it to the asimov FTP archive, which once was the only source of Apple II rom images and is still the biggest, I believe.
Oregon Trail's tombstones are left behind by previous players. On this particular floppy, one of the last kids to play before the rom was dumped wrote "peperony and chease" on his tombstone. So chances are if you've played Oregon Trail on an Apple emulator, you've played from this very rom image and have run into Andy and his pizza order.
And now you know. Battle, half, knowing, etc.
posted by Spatch at 2:08 PM on October 15, 2010 [14 favorites]
/dense
It's all about the Apple II emulators and rom distribution. Long, long ago, one person dumped everybody's favorite river-fording, dysentery-dying-from classic Oregon Trail from floppy and uploaded it to the asimov FTP archive, which once was the only source of Apple II rom images and is still the biggest, I believe.
Oregon Trail's tombstones are left behind by previous players. On this particular floppy, one of the last kids to play before the rom was dumped wrote "peperony and chease" on his tombstone. So chances are if you've played Oregon Trail on an Apple emulator, you've played from this very rom image and have run into Andy and his pizza order.
And now you know. Battle, half, knowing, etc.
posted by Spatch at 2:08 PM on October 15, 2010 [14 favorites]
My favorite epitaph ever was Alan King's character's in Memories of Me. "Now I feel like a schmuck"
posted by Zed at 2:09 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by Zed at 2:09 PM on October 15, 2010
I'm with stupid --->
posted by etc. at 2:15 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by etc. at 2:15 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
For my tombstone, I've told the family I want my own version of Kryptos since I've had this lifelong fascination with pen+paper encryption techniques and it would be nice to leave behind something that would puzzle random visitors to the graveyard. Small clues to the solution would be found on the tombstone and I'll make sure to have a complete solution placed inside the coffin, for those desperate fans who need a spoiler.
posted by honestcoyote at 2:26 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by honestcoyote at 2:26 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
"Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Wreckage Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship."
(Credit to Wes Anderson for that one.)
posted by Mcable at 2:27 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
(Credit to Wes Anderson for that one.)
posted by Mcable at 2:27 PM on October 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
You'd Still Hit It!
posted by 1000monkeys at 2:41 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by 1000monkeys at 2:41 PM on October 15, 2010
I am not here.
I am waiting in your shower.
posted by codswallop at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
I am waiting in your shower.
posted by codswallop at 3:05 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
For tap dancers: Shuffled off this mortal coil to Buffalo.
posted by bwg at 5:53 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by bwg at 5:53 PM on October 15, 2010
Just think! some night the stars will gleam
Upon a cold gray stone,
And trace a name with silver beam,
And lo! 'twill be your own.
That night is speeding on to greet
Your epitaphic rhyme.
Your life is but a little beat
Within the heart of time.
posted by Brodiggitty at 6:18 PM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
Upon a cold gray stone,
And trace a name with silver beam,
And lo! 'twill be your own.
That night is speeding on to greet
Your epitaphic rhyme.
Your life is but a little beat
Within the heart of time.
posted by Brodiggitty at 6:18 PM on October 15, 2010 [4 favorites]
A few weeks ago I was at a training and the trainer kept talking about people fighting and"yelling epitaphs." to amuse my coworkers I drew a tombstone with FUCK YOU on it: epithet epitaph!
posted by vespabelle at 6:44 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by vespabelle at 6:44 PM on October 15, 2010
SPAWN POINT
or
RESPAWN
I actually want to be cremated, though.
posted by misha at 6:53 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
or
RESPAWN
I actually want to be cremated, though.
posted by misha at 6:53 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Navelgazer writes "Oh, and I'd like to have two sets of dates and something like 'And stay down!' written on mine."
A friend of mine who has been dead a few times (for certain definitions of dead) has always said he wanted all of his deaths recorded on his tombstone.
posted by Mitheral at 8:22 PM on October 15, 2010
A friend of mine who has been dead a few times (for certain definitions of dead) has always said he wanted all of his deaths recorded on his tombstone.
posted by Mitheral at 8:22 PM on October 15, 2010
"Where am I going? Well, whatever. As long as there's Skee-Ball."
posted by gc at 10:32 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by gc at 10:32 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm waiting...
posted by carping demon at 10:39 PM on October 15, 2010
posted by carping demon at 10:39 PM on October 15, 2010
.
posted by schwa at 11:52 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by schwa at 11:52 PM on October 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.
Philip Larkin--always cheerful!
posted by LucretiusJones at 9:06 AM on October 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.
Philip Larkin--always cheerful!
posted by LucretiusJones at 9:06 AM on October 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
MY FRIEND WENT
HUNTING
AND ALL I GOT
WAS THIS LOUSY
TOMBSTONE
posted by Dumsnill at 9:31 AM on October 16, 2010
HUNTING
AND ALL I GOT
WAS THIS LOUSY
TOMBSTONE
posted by Dumsnill at 9:31 AM on October 16, 2010
In my town, Laurel, Maryland, where spooks, assassins, and terrorists co-mingle effortlessly with the rest of us, there's a little hillock, buried in a completely undistinguished industrial park. From the street, it amounts to nothing more than a mound of green, sulking at the edge of one more parking lot between one more block of flat, soulless buildings there, but if you find a place to park and climb the steep flank of the hill, you'll find a tiny cemetery there, overgrown and almost entirely disconnected from the world that made it.
They carved the ground away in the process of building the placeless place around the cemetery, smoothing out the folds and ruffles in the landscape to make a flat sheet for flat buildings, as smooth, featureless, and perfect as the blueprints they worked from, and so you climb to the top of the hill, and it seems almost like you're floating there, miles above the world. At night, the geometry of planning without topography is oddly beautiful, just grids and lines of light below the mount, the square bubbles of the skylights laid out over the acres of white rooftop below like digitized constellations.
It's a place almost no one knows, and as such, it's a perfect retreat, a chapel of sorts, open to the unlimited sky, and I go there when I need to, when I am weary from the battles of the everyday. I climb the rough slope, slipping sideways around the tufts of poison ivy that seem to whip my way, chasing my ankles with little itchy tendrils, and scrabble up through the mix of gravel and red clay right near the top. She's right up there, resting, if you believe in that sort of thing, though I wonder if anyone would really want to spend eternity resting in an industrial park.
As the largest vault, though, her last place is the easiest to find, and my target, too. In the same way every time, I step up, onto the flat stone of the vault at her feet, and read her epitaph out loud.
LOUISE HASLUP
I DID THE BEST I COULD
It seems so sad, and so defeated, if you choose to read it that way, the line that sums up a whole life lived out well before I was born, but I return there often enough, when the toll of chasing after a life just gets to be too much to bear. Everything happens, and happens, and happens, and the work piles up, and the daydreams get neglected, and the projects seem to grow the more you work, and you start to drown in email and messages on the answering machine and the unfurling nightmare of a TO-DO list built on little to-do lists built on even smaller to-do lists in a sickening real-world example of mathematical regression, and it's all just too much, sometimes.
So I pull in there, tucking my car somewhere inconspicuous as night starts to fall, and I climb the hill, to stand on Louise Haslup's almost-forgotten grave for a familiar moment, just long enough to read that single line, and it is a mantra that is simultaneously sorrowful and purifying. When there's time, I'll cross to the other end of the graveyard, where there's a large headstone that makes for a perfect seat, and I'll plug in my headphones and sit, listening to the songs I return to for proof that it's all worthwhile as the sky fades from gold to red to violet before finally washing out in indigo and then black, lit from below with the indifferent pinpoints of industrial light shining up like I'm momentarily outside of everything, looking down at the stars from the other side.
I don't often think about an epitaph for myself, as I won't really be there for it to mean much to me, but I think if I've lived right, and taken the time to be fair to myself when I'm feeling guilty for not doing enough, or trying enough, or just being good enough, it wouldn't really be so bad if something, somewhere, marked out the fact that I had, in fact, done the very best I could.
When things calm down, and when the composure comes back, as it always does, I try to remember. When I'm with the people I love, laughing and telling my rambling, aimless stories and listening to the tales my friends tell, and when the glasses are all raised in that obligatory moment of celebration of our lopsided esprit de corps in the very best of those times, I like to say "to Louise Haslup!" and just smile, without explaining a thing.
posted by sonascope at 12:31 PM on October 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
They carved the ground away in the process of building the placeless place around the cemetery, smoothing out the folds and ruffles in the landscape to make a flat sheet for flat buildings, as smooth, featureless, and perfect as the blueprints they worked from, and so you climb to the top of the hill, and it seems almost like you're floating there, miles above the world. At night, the geometry of planning without topography is oddly beautiful, just grids and lines of light below the mount, the square bubbles of the skylights laid out over the acres of white rooftop below like digitized constellations.
It's a place almost no one knows, and as such, it's a perfect retreat, a chapel of sorts, open to the unlimited sky, and I go there when I need to, when I am weary from the battles of the everyday. I climb the rough slope, slipping sideways around the tufts of poison ivy that seem to whip my way, chasing my ankles with little itchy tendrils, and scrabble up through the mix of gravel and red clay right near the top. She's right up there, resting, if you believe in that sort of thing, though I wonder if anyone would really want to spend eternity resting in an industrial park.
As the largest vault, though, her last place is the easiest to find, and my target, too. In the same way every time, I step up, onto the flat stone of the vault at her feet, and read her epitaph out loud.
I DID THE BEST I COULD
It seems so sad, and so defeated, if you choose to read it that way, the line that sums up a whole life lived out well before I was born, but I return there often enough, when the toll of chasing after a life just gets to be too much to bear. Everything happens, and happens, and happens, and the work piles up, and the daydreams get neglected, and the projects seem to grow the more you work, and you start to drown in email and messages on the answering machine and the unfurling nightmare of a TO-DO list built on little to-do lists built on even smaller to-do lists in a sickening real-world example of mathematical regression, and it's all just too much, sometimes.
So I pull in there, tucking my car somewhere inconspicuous as night starts to fall, and I climb the hill, to stand on Louise Haslup's almost-forgotten grave for a familiar moment, just long enough to read that single line, and it is a mantra that is simultaneously sorrowful and purifying. When there's time, I'll cross to the other end of the graveyard, where there's a large headstone that makes for a perfect seat, and I'll plug in my headphones and sit, listening to the songs I return to for proof that it's all worthwhile as the sky fades from gold to red to violet before finally washing out in indigo and then black, lit from below with the indifferent pinpoints of industrial light shining up like I'm momentarily outside of everything, looking down at the stars from the other side.
I don't often think about an epitaph for myself, as I won't really be there for it to mean much to me, but I think if I've lived right, and taken the time to be fair to myself when I'm feeling guilty for not doing enough, or trying enough, or just being good enough, it wouldn't really be so bad if something, somewhere, marked out the fact that I had, in fact, done the very best I could.
When things calm down, and when the composure comes back, as it always does, I try to remember. When I'm with the people I love, laughing and telling my rambling, aimless stories and listening to the tales my friends tell, and when the glasses are all raised in that obligatory moment of celebration of our lopsided esprit de corps in the very best of those times, I like to say "to Louise Haslup!" and just smile, without explaining a thing.
posted by sonascope at 12:31 PM on October 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
Dang it. Can someone with magical metafilter powers please close the -small- tag after the last "to-do" in the paragraph after the epitaph? It looked fine in the preview and now it's all dorky.
posted by sonascope at 12:34 PM on October 16, 2010
posted by sonascope at 12:34 PM on October 16, 2010
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
posted by Splunge at 4:31 PM on October 16, 2010
posted by Splunge at 4:31 PM on October 16, 2010
Warte nur, balde
Ruhest du auch.
(Yeah, you'll be dead soon enough. German poetry is scary.)
posted by Dumsnill at 6:28 PM on October 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ruhest du auch.
(Yeah, you'll be dead soon enough. German poetry is scary.)
posted by Dumsnill at 6:28 PM on October 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Gone to discuss lemon laws with the manufacturer"
posted by galadriel at 5:56 PM on October 17, 2010
posted by galadriel at 5:56 PM on October 17, 2010
I think it's generally accepted that the best ever tomb inscription is on the tomb of Robert Guiscard: "Here lies the terror of the world, Guiscard."
Yes, I did listen to an episode of Norman Centuries today.
posted by Kattullus at 8:33 PM on October 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
Yes, I did listen to an episode of Norman Centuries today.
posted by Kattullus at 8:33 PM on October 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
Here lies Edmund Blackadder and he's bloody annoyed.
posted by Dumsnill at 9:35 PM on October 23, 2010
posted by Dumsnill at 9:35 PM on October 23, 2010
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posted by LSK at 10:56 AM on October 15, 2010 [21 favorites]