Man-meeting Tips

October 19, 2010 5:14 AM

Katherine Cahoon, author of The Single Girls Guide to Meeting European Men, breaks down the how (and why) of...Meeting European Men everywhere: at the Beach, the Club, and at the Running Of The Bulls.
posted by Potomac Avenue (74 comments total)

European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men
posted by chillmost at 5:16 AM on October 19, 2010 [21 favorites]

Here's a d00d's guide to Single Girls Meeting European Men: "Go to Europe."
I guess you could try going to, say, northern Alberta or South Dakota, but I'm sure that your chances of meeting European men are not nearly as great as going to, say, Spain or Denmark. But then again, I'm not a single gal, so I suppose I'm just talking out of my ass.
posted by NoMich at 5:22 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

This is a joke, right?

1. Be a woman
2. Go to Europe

posted by Deathalicious at 5:22 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

According to Gawker, "it may seem that these videos are some kind of "parody." But after some in-depth internet research, it seems that they are, in fact, thrillingly real." Extraordinary.
posted by rhymer at 5:27 AM on October 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

The Malteses Falcon comes to mind:

Go to them? All I have to do is stand still and they'll be swarming all over me.
posted by Joe Beese at 5:28 AM on October 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

"I have everything those European guys have, except an accent."*

*also, I'm the product of the American educational system, but hey, at least I'm not part of an organized crime syndicate and I don't use a lot of "product" in my hair.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:38 AM on October 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

This is a Tim and Eric skit.

Wait. This isn't a Tim and Eric skit?!

Oh my god.
posted by entropone at 5:38 AM on October 19, 2010

I love how the Edinburgh Festival video doesn't actually show the festival, or even Edinburgh at all.
posted by honest knave at 5:39 AM on October 19, 2010

French Albert Einsteins in Lance Armstrong bodies

I must be in the wrong France. Unless by "Albert" she means "Dilbert".
(je vous ai tous cassés, là :) )

More seriously, though, that pair of Onion articles linked by chillmost has an inordinate amount of truth to it.

/spoke with LOADS of French men today (hi, I live in France)
posted by fraula at 5:40 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I have to say, I've met more European men by using IRC than I have by actually living in Europe. So I guess the moral of the story is... European men like old-school real-time text chat protocols?
posted by neushoorn at 5:48 AM on October 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

In High School I was a bit shocked when my host sister in an exchange program with France had apparently joined the program because she had almost identical expectations about American men. One of the popular girls in her school had gone to Philadelphia and apparently had a great time with a large, mature, romantic and caring linebacker and his friends who stood in stark contrast to the immature hooligans bound for baldness and desk jobs who they knew.

Of course I lived up to very few of those expectations, particularly when I first arrived having traveled with the flu, a pack more than half my weight, and no sleep for 42 hours strait before promptly losing consciousness out at their dinner table...
posted by Blasdelb at 5:50 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

"A good place to find European men is in their sports."

Then as an example she goes to the ... basketball courts? I know basketball is growing in popularity in Europe, but come on. Basketball?
posted by mcmile at 5:58 AM on October 19, 2010

The Running of the Bulls "is a total no-miss...even Hemingway knew that."

Right. Even that dorky Milquetoast, Hemingway, knew about Pamplona.
posted by eric1halfb at 6:00 AM on October 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Long-haired guys from England! Long-haired guys from the United Kingdom!
posted by escabeche at 6:01 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

I have to say, I've met more European men by using IRC than I have by actually living in Europe. So I guess the moral of the story is... European men like old-school real-time text chat protocols?

Well, the ones who can't get laid do.
posted by Skeptic at 6:04 AM on October 19, 2010

There is another website devoted to such issues, FrenchBoyfriend.com (self-link and auto-plays music) .
posted by exogenous at 6:07 AM on October 19, 2010

Wow. Just, wow. These are so absurd that they transcend parody.
posted by Forktine at 6:09 AM on October 19, 2010

I know basketball is growing in popularity in Europe, but come on. Basketball?

Basketball is (and has long been) the second most popular sport in Europe, in particular in Greece, former Yugoslavia, Italy and Spain. And because a basketball court is rather more compact than a full-on soccer field, you're far more likely to find an impromptu basketball game than a soccer match in a Southern European city. So, it isn't such an outlandish suggestion.
posted by Skeptic at 6:13 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

"...But what Hemmingway didn't know is that it is also a total testosterone-fest for single girls..."

Yes, that's exactly what was missing from The Sun Also Rises.

Please burst into flames now.
posted by londonmark at 6:13 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

I still have fond daydreams about Miguel Cardoso . . . .
posted by JanetLand at 6:18 AM on October 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

that's exactly what was missing from The Sun Also Rises.

That wasn't the only thing missing from The Sun Also Rises.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:23 AM on October 19, 2010 [10 favorites]

Here's the Guide for Dutch man to meet US woman:
1. be on mefi
2. have kid together
posted by joost de vries at 6:32 AM on October 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

She's a comedy genius!
I particularly like her idea of picking up men at Oktoberfest, which has been described on AskMe as a "vast Valhalla of jostling throbbing roaring humanity entirely dedicated to getting and staying as hammered as inhumanly possible".

I wonder if she's ever been?
posted by jonesor at 6:38 AM on October 19, 2010

At first glance, it's much more A Room Of Jean's Own than a A Room With a View, which would make this post a bit mean, but is it instead a publicity hoax for a movie? Are these pictures Photoshopped? Profile says "Author / Screenwriter".
posted by pracowity at 6:44 AM on October 19, 2010

...I'm sure that your chances of meeting European men are not nearly as great as going to, say, Spain or Denmark. But then again, I'm not a single gal, so I suppose I'm just talking out of my ass.

Believe it or not, ladies, this is true. After spending a considerable amount of time in Europe this summer, I am here to tell you that there are quite a few single and available European men over there. In fact, the entire continent is teeming with them. I was shocked--shocked!--to discover that most bars, town squares, clubs, cafes, beaches, parks, and museums are populated almost entirely by Europeans, almost half of whom are men. Half! So if you're looking to meet your euroboy in a less painful way than going to a Tokyo Hotel concert, get your ass to a travel agent and book your airline ticket now.
posted by HotPatatta at 6:51 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Here's the Guide for Dutch man to meet US woman:
1. be on mefi
2. have kid together

Presumably the actual meeting occurs between steps 1 and 2.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 6:56 AM on October 19, 2010

I've married two European men (though not at the same time) and offer the following formula: Open mouth. Start talking. Shut up approximately three years later, or never, depending.

Worked for me!
posted by sonika at 6:56 AM on October 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

I guess you could try going to, say, northern Alberta or South Dakota

I know that it's not the most efficient way to do things, but as an American man, I did meet my European(Polish) girlfriend in South Dakota (which isn't so strange except that I'm from Michigan and was only there a few weeks). This has led to what I hope will be the beginning of the greatest adventure of my life: picking up everything and moving to Krakow with only a few words of polish.
posted by LiteOpera at 7:01 AM on October 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Speaking as a European woman living in a European city I can honestly say my life is one big smorgasbord of throbbingly sensitive, innately cultured, immaculately groomed, nonchalantly intellectual men all vying to worship my goddess-like femininity. That's just what it's like here in Peckham.
posted by Summer at 7:15 AM on October 19, 2010 [44 favorites]

Half a decade ago, I spent a couple months doing front desk/maintenance work at a filthy little hostel in Rome. Most of the traffic through the joint was American, and part of my job involved taking the drunk loudmouths out of the hostel and out to a "discotheque" that was about the size of an efficiency apartment. I'd sit at the bar with my free drinks and watch as a rotating cast of Midwestern girls got hit on by the same crowd of two or three aging Italians. The men would dance (really just jumping up and down, pumping their fists in the air) up on the girls and buy them their first shots of the green mouthwash that the bar sold as absinthe. Sadly, the music was loud enough that I never caught any of the conversation, but I'll tell you that those men rarely went home alone.
posted by The White Hat at 7:30 AM on October 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Here's the Guide for Dutch man to meet US woman:
1. be on mefi
2. have kid together

>>Presumably the actual meeting occurs between steps 1 and 2.

Unless of course you live a rom-com involving sperm donors.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 7:43 AM on October 19, 2010

Wait...why is she standing next to a bust of Nero? What kind of European men is she trying to meet?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:56 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

The picture of lady who wrote that book looks like the blonde female version of the dad on American Dad (the cartoon)

If I wasn't already married, I'd want to find a European man for the access to the health insurance. Or a Canadian.
posted by anniecat at 7:58 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

European men get access to a Canadian? First I've heard about that.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:18 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

European men get access to a Canadian? First I've heard about that.

Depends which bars you go to.
posted by londonmark at 8:25 AM on October 19, 2010

European men get access to a Canadian? First I've heard about that.


$20, same as in town?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:33 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

She's doing that "If I carefully pronounce each word, no one will know that I'm drunk" thing, right?
posted by orme at 8:45 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

If any nice American ladies would like to meet two charming British gentlemen, we'll be in Blithe Spirit, Balham, tonight from about 6:30. I fear one of us is going to be watching the bloody football, but I won't. I like to talk about fine dining, cats and the infinite meaningless of existence. Good times guaranteed.
posted by Decani at 8:50 AM on October 19, 2010

Ex-Girlfriend Don't Wanna Speak To You No More, Reports New European Boyfriend

"It is now believed that the olive-skinned baron and multiple- vineyard owner who relayed the message is currently living with and possibly married to the woman you once tried to impress by wearing a belt. "
posted by cyndigo at 8:55 AM on October 19, 2010

I think I've hit my LD50 for indistinguishable from parody youtubes that make me sad.
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Between this and the "Asian girlfriend" business I figure there's a big opportunity for some vapid articles for Asian men and European women on how to hook up with each other. (Or should I try to link Africa, Australia, and Antarctica into the Hamiltonian meat-circuit?)
posted by hattifattener at 9:00 AM on October 19, 2010

I've heard it takes a lot for Antarcticans to warm up to you.
posted by kmz at 9:08 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Speaking as an American woman living in a European city I can honestly say my life is one big smorgasbord of throbbingly sensitive, innately cultured, immaculately groomed, nonchalantly intellectual men all vying to worship my goddess-like femininity. They're mostly foreigners.
posted by whatzit at 9:09 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

throbbingly sensitive
Not being circumcised and all.
posted by joost de vries at 10:31 AM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Here's the Guide for Dutch man to meet US woman:
1. be on mefi
2. have kid together

>Presumably the actual meeting occurs between steps 1 and 2.

So you've had your sex ed already then.
posted by joost de vries at 10:34 AM on October 19, 2010

From the RRunning of the Bulls video: "Even Hemmingway knew that!"

I'm going to use this as often as possible from now on.
posted by cmoj at 10:45 AM on October 19, 2010

From the Running of the Bulls video: "Even Hemingway knew that!"

I'm going to use this as often as possible from now on.

For best results, combine with another MeFi favorite: "That would not kill Dracula! Even Hemingway knew that!"
posted by jedicus at 11:02 AM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

one big smorgasbord of throbbingly sensitive, innately cultured, immaculately groomed, nonchalantly intellectual, unemployed men

FtFY.
posted by fourcheesemac at 11:07 AM on October 19, 2010

It's so hard to choose a favorite part, but this has to be up there.

I could have sworn after she says 'I wish she were here to show you...' it was going to be followed by something along the lines of 'but I haven't seen her since that wild night in Rome when a total hottie took her to the back room for some body shots'.

Close second is the awesome way she clings to some random object (light post? giant vase? bust-on-a-pedestal?) in all the scenes.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 11:28 AM on October 19, 2010

Katherine Cahoon, interviewed at a Seattle writers' conference...

(via rhymer's Gawker link)

And a print interview.

She seems to be quite serious; European men, rejoice.
posted by darth_tedious at 11:43 AM on October 19, 2010

Someone did a review of her book when sent an advanced marketing copy:


The marketers behind The Single Girl’s Guide to Meeting European Men* sent me an advanced copy of the book in hopes I would write a review. After taking a gander, I can tell you this: if you’re into guides that refer to breasts as pom poms and coin phrases like “mantastic,” this is the book for you.

Part travel guide, part dating manual, Single Girl’s is stuffed with giddy anecdotes about the author, a pretty Vanderbilt grad, and her friends as they tour European bars, clubs, ski mountains and beaches in search of studs to love forever and/or scoop for the night. Cultural tidbits are offered on men from each country – Portuguese dudes are hairy, Brits are shy – and techniques are revealed, including the “Man Meeting Dance Formula” which begins by placing yourself near your target, staring until he’s forced to look back at you then dazzling him with one of your sexiest moves.
posted by anniecat at 11:55 AM on October 19, 2010

She does this amazing thing where she very awkwardly drops the second 'e' in word combinations that have words ending then beginning with 'e.' For example:

"The event" becomes: "thevent"
and
"The entertainment" becomes: "thentertainment"

It makes my brain jump a little.
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 12:00 PM on October 19, 2010

She does this amazing thing where she very awkwardly drops the second 'e' in word combinations that have words ending then beginning with 'e.'

Oh, no, it's worse than that: The Event becomes Th[uh]'vent. In other words she pronounces the word event as [uh]vent.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:09 PM on October 19, 2010

Somehow I'm catching a whiff of Old Spice in the air. Maybe it's just the European men. But going to Edinburgh Festivals is actually a pretty good advice.
posted by ikalliom at 12:19 PM on October 19, 2010

Portuguese dudes are hairy,

Yes, and when imported, they're just the the thing for cold New England nights!
posted by sonika at 12:34 PM on October 19, 2010

Man-meeting Tips

Just watch out for the man-eating ti...
posted by mmrtnt at 12:41 PM on October 19, 2010

now i can reveal that the title of this thread is a dirty pun
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:09 PM on October 19, 2010

A Man's guide to meeting Men in Europe.

Britan - Shy and unapproachable until they get some sticky sweet alcohol in them and then it's a race to seal the deal until they throw up or pass out or both. Expect unexpected neon colors.

Scotland - Brits on antidepressants.

Italy - Are you skinny and into disco dancing fun time? No? Then you will be irresistible to bearish middle aged couples from some farm town in Florence for vacation. This is not exactly a bad thing.

France - No one is going to talk to you except for US kids on a gap year desperate for conversation.

Germany - Unless the second words out of your mouth are " suspension training", stick to Jolly Bavarian civil servants.

Holland - You will get laid in Holland because they are just that friendly. They all have realatives in Iowa.

Czeck Republic - You will ask for a white Russian at a bar and they'll say their Not That Kind Of Place and then it dawns on you and you get embarrassed and leave.

Hungary - Are you a big scary slab of muscle? Can you fake it? You might find a new career path.

Greece - Ever wish you coiled band The Situation but not understand a word he says?
posted by The Whelk at 1:28 PM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Coiled band - could bang. Or pretend I made up a new position.
posted by The Whelk at 1:30 PM on October 19, 2010

I've heard it takes a lot for Antarcticans to warm up to you.

But they wear those cute little tuxes!
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:04 PM on October 19, 2010

The secret to attracting European men:

Impress them by cracking walnuts with your giant forehead.

Don't worry about your stilted speech patterns! In Europe, everyone talka like dis.

Without sharing a language, it is sometimes hard to communicate that you will have sex with them immediately. Try rubbing their penis through their clothes. If only American men understood this!

Go to where the European men are. Meaning Europe. There are a lot of them there.

If a European man seems blind to your charms, don't be afraid to chase him.

posted by klangklangston at 2:20 PM on October 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Greece - Ever wish you coiled band The Situation but not understand a word he says?

I don't understand a word he says now.
posted by blucevalo at 2:40 PM on October 19, 2010

Where did the idea for The Single Girl’s Guide to Meeting European Men come from?
Every time I returned to Vanderbilt after a summer in Europe...

Ok, so I guess the trick is to come from a rich family and have them send you to Europe every summer? I will get right on that!

Thank you for linking to the Dracula post, I missed that and it is hilarious. That's math.
posted by grapesaresour at 2:49 PM on October 19, 2010

Somehow I'm catching a whiff of Old Spice in the air. Maybe it's just the European men.

I don't smell anything. Are you on a horse by any chance?
posted by ersatz at 3:15 PM on October 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

“Man Meeting Dance Formula”

Can I play this on the Wii?
posted by spinifex23 at 3:53 PM on October 19, 2010

pracowity: At first glance, it's much more A Room Of Jean's Own than a A Room With a View, which would make this post a bit mean, but is it instead a publicity hoax for a movie? Are these pictures Photoshopped? Profile says "Author / Screenwriter"

Not to be too boyzone, but this woman has a stupendous figure, and hardly needs a guide to meet men... well, anywhere. I'm sure every strategy she suggests was successfully field-tested for her book, as she was- astonishingly- hit on repeatedly while practicing these techniques!

But that brain... oy vey. If she's not an Amy Sedaris level comic mastermind, then this is painfully sad.
posted by hincandenza at 4:37 PM on October 19, 2010

Don't worry about your stilted speech patterns!
Dese are not stilts! We are just dat tall!
posted by joost de vries at 6:21 PM on October 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Ok, so I guess the trick is to come from a rich family and have them send you to Europe every summer? I will get right on that!

If my daughter talked like that, I'd try to export them too. I can just imagine the conversation...

Katherine Cahoon: Daddy, can I go to Europe again this summer?
Pater Cahoon: Well pumpkin, maybe not this year. (thinking of the amex card she maxed out last time)
KC: Oh, ok. I guess I'll just spend time with you and mom this summer!
PC (panicked look of terror): uhh
KC: It'll be good to catch up and be able to all have dinner as a family. We can talk every day!
PC (sweating profusely and a sickly shade of pale): Oh...
KC: Maybe I'll invite some of my friends, you'll like them, they're a lot like me!
PC (pulling out cheque book): Did you say the whole summer?
posted by atrazine at 5:30 AM on October 20, 2010

In High School I was a bit shocked when my host sister in an exchange program with France had apparently joined the program because she had almost identical expectations about American men. One of the popular girls in her school had gone to Philadelphia and apparently had a great time with a large, mature, romantic and caring linebacker and his friends who stood in stark contrast to the immature hooligans bound for baldness and desk jobs who they knew.

That is exactly how I saw US men as a teen in the UK. Sensitive types with unfortunate music tastes. Also obsessed with 'finding their roots', which, if I were to make a bad patronising video, I could posit as a way of getting one into one's bed.

Long-haired men in the UK tend to be of a certain type. It's pretty dated over here.
posted by mippy at 7:22 AM on October 20, 2010

Holy fuck, just seen the Edinburgh video. She looks like she's been dipped in glue and rolled through House of Bruar.
posted by mippy at 7:26 AM on October 20, 2010

Not to be too boyzone, but this woman has a stupendous figure

Hurf durf butterface.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:25 PM on October 20, 2010

Figure, maybe, but she's got Terry Bradshaw's head.
posted by klangklangston at 2:03 PM on October 20, 2010

Hurf durf butterterrifyingemptyrictus.
posted by cmoj at 6:43 PM on October 20, 2010

Figure, maybe, but she's got Terry Bradshaw's head.

Including the vacuum inside it!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:37 AM on October 21, 2010