Jury Doodles

November 3, 2010 8:10 AM

"I just finished serving jury duty at the Van Nuys Superior Court. My case involved a man who was suing a stripper and strip club for a “fractured penis” injury he received while getting a nude lap dance. The stripper was from Sweden. The strip club owner was a retired porn star. There were many experts. Needless to say, this case was kind of awesome. As a member of the jury, I was given a pad and pen for note taking. The case lasted 7 days."
posted by gman (55 comments total)

Was I the only one expecting a drawing of the penis?
posted by Joe Beese at 8:12 AM on November 3, 2010 [10 favorites]

looks like we fractured the website, too.
posted by availablelight at 8:14 AM on November 3, 2010

Error establishing a database connection.
posted by jsnlxndrlv at 8:14 AM on November 3, 2010

These are very nice drawings.... but since their content has no real relevance to the circumstances under which they were drawn, that's all they are.

I bet there are lots of nice drawings on the Internet.
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:15 AM on November 3, 2010 [4 favorites]

Joe, I never thought I'd say this but: I'm with you.

Also, I am both relieved and disappointed that this is the only story using the fracturedpenis tag.
posted by 256 at 8:16 AM on November 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

Let me describe it for those who didn't get in under the wire.

Well drawn pictures of the participants of the trial (though interestingly not the stripper) which eventually just become what look to be free association drawings -- all done be a talented artist.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:16 AM on November 3, 2010

Penis fracture. It's real!
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:17 AM on November 3, 2010

Also, no penis (as the record already shows)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:17 AM on November 3, 2010

Was I the only one expecting a drawing of the penis?

Jury's doodle?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:17 AM on November 3, 2010

I love the narrative...suddenly boredom takes over, and surrealism plays out like a dream across the notepad.

L A W Y E R ... and dune buggy!
posted by Xoebe at 8:18 AM on November 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

I know someone who fractured his penis. He was not happy. He eventually married the woman with whom he was athletically engaged at the time, and they just had a kid.
posted by OmieWise at 8:18 AM on November 3, 2010

God, Fractured Penis would be the most hardcore gay punk band name ever.

I don't know the man who could pull it off but I would so pull him off.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:18 AM on November 3, 2010 [7 favorites]

(though interestingly not the stripper)

"Defendant" I assume. Whereas the porn star boss must be "Xposed Boss".
posted by DU at 8:18 AM on November 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Glad to see he took his civic duty seriously.
posted by jedicus at 8:19 AM on November 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

Your honor, I request that the jury exclude the image of the penis, and the grounds that its aspect is mere circumcisional evidence.
posted by chavenet at 8:22 AM on November 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Just a typical day at Van Nuys Superior Court.
posted by Edgewise at 8:28 AM on November 3, 2010

Would the witness please stand? No, wait...
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:28 AM on November 3, 2010

Well, that rod-looking thing on the very last drawing could be a penis...
posted by Melismata at 8:31 AM on November 3, 2010

They were allowed to keep their notes?

The jury I was on (as an alternate; it was a murder trial), we could take notes, but at the end of each day we turned our notebooks in to the bailiff, and we did not get to keep them at the end of the trial.

Maybe because this was not a criminal trial it's different.
posted by rtha at 8:35 AM on November 3, 2010

I really want to know all the case details, the testimony, the verdict.

I want to put the stories to these pictures, to the degree that they are related.
posted by Reverend John at 8:35 AM on November 3, 2010

Glad to see he took his civic duty seriously.

This isn't necessarily proof of goofing off. Whenever I take notes or sit in a meeting, I fill the margins of any paper in front of me with all sorts of elaborate scrollwork. It's a focusing tool - doing that keeps me from (a) fidgeting in a disruptive manner and (b) wandering off mentally. On the other hand, I have some mild attention deficit issues, so I don't know whether my coping mechanisms would map to a, um, "neurotypical" person.
posted by Karmakaze at 8:37 AM on November 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

He should have labeled his pages Day 1, Day 2 etc...

Obviously there is a progression here, from "I will use this notepad somewhat productively" to "Screw it, I am just going to draw race cars and cacti."
posted by morganannie at 8:37 AM on November 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

These are wonderful! I'm kind of enamored with his eagle.
posted by cavalier at 8:40 AM on November 3, 2010

He did label the pages in order, so it becomes kind of an interesting record of his experience: At first he was clearly paying attention, and at some point (and it didn't take too long) his attention span just went all over the place but he still appears to be paying nominal attention for the most part. I don't think he missed much. I'm assuming the trial became especially boring towards the end because he's really kind of off in his own little world on the last four pages.

The amount that he's able to draw without reference is also really kind of impressive.

This is excellent, thank you for posting it.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:45 AM on November 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

I don't know the man who could pull it off

I heard of one guy who could.
posted by hippybear at 8:47 AM on November 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Can we have a special thread just for joyless whiners?

unless I just became one...
posted by mecran01 at 8:48 AM on November 3, 2010

This isn't necessarily proof of goofing off.

True. The proof of goofing off is that, judging by the sketches' layout and consistency, you can tell he was thinking about how he was going to post them on the Internet the whole time he made them.
posted by wreckingball at 8:51 AM on November 3, 2010

True. The proof of goofing off is that, judging by the sketches' layout and consistency, you can tell he was thinking about how he was going to post them on the Internet the whole time he made them.

You know, I didn't get that sense at all. They're consistent because he draws very well. As for layout - it looks like pretty much every other sketchbook I've ever seen in terms of that.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:53 AM on November 3, 2010

And then, on day fifteen, the courtroom was rocked by surprise witness Fidel Castro, flown in by the Secret Service to offer testimony as to the size and quality of American hamburgers. The retired Cuban dictator was reported to be "puzzled and disoriented" by the proceedings, and withered rapidly under cross-examination. Full story at eleven.
posted by Gator at 8:54 AM on November 3, 2010 [4 favorites]

God's Fractured Penis would be the most hardcore gay punk band name ever.

FTFY
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:09 AM on November 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

There is in fact a penis on page 13.
posted by zeoslap at 9:09 AM on November 3, 2010

I liked these, especially how the nicely labeled content progressed from [LAWYER] to [RC CONTROLLER] to... unlabeled gopher extermination tactics (?).

Thanks for posting!
posted by oneirodynia at 9:11 AM on November 3, 2010

interesting that Chris Roth draws much like Big Daddy Roth...
posted by HuronBob at 9:31 AM on November 3, 2010

7th row down on the left. Penis.
posted by applemeat at 10:16 AM on November 3, 2010

This is beautiful, and the amount of back story is perfect.

I don't get the hate. Oh wait, the country just drove itself off a cliff. Well ok, then.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:20 AM on November 3, 2010

Penis Fracture. It's real!

From your link:

"A penis fracture is a painful injury that's often accompanied by an audible cracking sound (emphasis added), followed immediately by dark bruising of the penis due to blood escaping the cylinder."

OH MY GOD I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.
posted by davejay at 10:38 AM on November 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

Error establishing a database erection.
posted by davejay at 10:39 AM on November 3, 2010

What??!?

I thought boner was a misnomer
posted by The Lady is a designer at 10:52 AM on November 3, 2010

Huh. Having just done jury service in the UK I can tell you that here we are not allowed to take any notes or copies of exhibits out of the courtroom at any point. Certainly not after the trial finishes.
posted by Decani at 11:01 AM on November 3, 2010

(though interestingly not the stripper)
"Defendant" I assume. Whereas the porn star boss must be "Xposed Boss".

There is in fact a penis on page 13.

Wow - this means I missed the stripper AND the penis. I guess I remember posting that comment, but out of context, missing the stripper and the penis really doesn't sound like something I'd do.

If we're done arguing about the thinness of the post and the doodler's duty (heh), can I just state that though a fractured penis is not something I would want to happen, I feel like if you what a stripper was doing causes this to happen, she was probably doing her job really, really well.

Having not been on the jury, obviously, I don't know the ins and outs of the case. But if I were a patron of heterosexual strip clubs, I would be really concerned that if the plaintiff won his case, this would set a precedent I could eventually be quite unhappy with.

(I can't believe that's what I came up with to try to make the comments MORE substantial.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:03 AM on November 3, 2010

He eventually married the woman with whom he was athletically engaged at the time, and they just had a kid.

I hope they make the kid ask someone else how babies are made.
posted by yerfatma at 11:05 AM on November 3, 2010

MetaFilter: I missed the stripper AND the penis.
posted by hippybear at 11:08 AM on November 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

OH MY GOD I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.

Thanks for explicitly posting it so the rest of us can feel your horror too. Very considerate of you.
posted by Aquaman at 11:11 AM on November 3, 2010

This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "cracked one off."
posted by MuffinMan at 11:17 AM on November 3, 2010

I, too, served on a jury for a a penis-centric trial (masturbation on a subway) and I, too, drew portraits of all of the witnesses and attorneys. After we decided the verdict I showed my drawings to the other jurors, and several asked if they could have copies! Huh? So I gave (the original) drawings away to anyone who wanted one. Did I break some ethical code?
posted by memewit at 11:51 AM on November 3, 2010

We really haven't answered the important questions in this case, like: how does one get down the vertical tunnel to the underground hideaway? And how does one get back up again? Is there a motorized winch in the well?
posted by happyroach at 1:26 PM on November 3, 2010

Digging straight down works fine. And to get back up, you just have to look down and jump while placing a block at the same time, and up you go.
posted by Gator at 1:39 PM on November 3, 2010

I look forward to the next installment of JurorDoodles. The next issue will involve a woman suing a clothespin manufacturer for smooshing her nipples completely flat.
posted by not_on_display at 1:47 PM on November 3, 2010

I don't know the ins and outs of the case

I see what you did there.
posted by davejay at 1:49 PM on November 3, 2010

Who snuck the minecraft into the courthouse? Isn't that, like, illegal or something?
posted by The Lady is a designer at 2:01 PM on November 3, 2010

Fractured Penis is the name of my Revolting Cocks cover band.
posted by zoogleplex at 2:31 PM on November 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Some people on the blog asked about the case today and the doodler offered up some brief answers in his comment section:

admin, on November 3rd, 2010 at 3:50 pm
So many amazing details… I could write a book…. in a nutshell, we excused the stripper and the strip club of any wrong doings… and i got my picture taken with Brick Majors.

admin, on November 3rd, 2010 at 4:09 pm
we not only took notes, we were aloud to ask questions of everybody who took the stand, it was kind of amazing. At the end of their testimony, any juror members with questions wrote them down and handed them to the Judge. He then vetted them with the lawyers, and would ask them aloud on record.
posted by gman at 3:04 PM on November 3, 2010

I know someone who fractured his penis. He was not happy. He eventually married the woman with whom he was athletically engaged at the time, and they just had a kid.

Does that mean that he's, uh, gotten happier again?
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:44 PM on November 3, 2010

My boyfriend in high school knew about the possibility of a broken penis, and it freaked him out so bad that... well, never you mind. It's awful, yes, but so rare that I think maybe its better if people don't learn about it until they are old enough to grasp how rare it really is.

Also, I enjoyed the drawings.
posted by Leta at 5:33 PM on November 3, 2010

I emailed with the dood who created these doodles and he sent me this photo of himself with Brick Majors, who has quite an impressive résumé, which now includes strip club owner. Apparently, his alternate identity never came up once during the trial.
posted by gman at 8:07 PM on November 3, 2010