A friend in need is a friend indeed

November 8, 2010 9:57 PM

I'm here to make friends (slyt)

Previously I'm not here to make friends.

posted by Senator Howell Tankerbell (22 comments total)

My japanese is better.
posted by nzero at 10:13 PM on November 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

They lyin' though.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:14 PM on November 8, 2010

I'm not here to make friends, 2009 edition [via]
posted by finite at 10:33 PM on November 8, 2010

Not that it would happen, but if I ever applied for and got on a competitive reality TV show, I plan on looking straight into the camera with a big goofy smile on my face and saying:

"Well actually, I'm just here to make friends... <eyes narrowing>... and then throw them under the bus!"

posted by hincandenza at 10:56 PM on November 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Wow. It wasn't until I watched the previously post that I got the joke. I was wondering what had changed so dramatically in reality tv, and sad that I missed it.

Wait, no, that's not right. Even the 'here to make friends' version is soulless and evil.
posted by Ghidorah at 10:57 PM on November 8, 2010

I'm here to make frenemies.
posted by knave at 11:10 PM on November 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

See, this is why double negatives are not such a bad thing, no?
posted by iamkimiam at 11:17 PM on November 8, 2010

I'm here to chew gum and make friends, and I'm all out of gum.
posted by zippy at 11:29 PM on November 8, 2010 [6 favorites]

Hey, I like it!

Also, I have to give the post author props on his choice of user name.
posted by JHarris at 12:44 AM on November 9, 2010

The Oxymoronics explore shoulder pads, bleached teeth and quality time.
posted by clavdivs at 12:52 AM on November 9, 2010

I'm not sure why I'm here.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 1:29 AM on November 9, 2010

Oh God why do I know who all these people are I have wasted my life.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:54 AM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

You mean you... watch those shows?

[Hey, no offense intended. I'm here to make friends.]

[But seriously, friend: you watch those shows?]
posted by pracowity at 2:43 AM on November 9, 2010 [3 favorites]

See, this is why double negatives are not such a bad thing, no?

Yeah, right.
posted by Wet Spot at 5:12 AM on November 9, 2010

At first I thought the two videos were different takes from the shows -- like the producers had said "hey, let's get a take where you are saying how much you want to be friends with people. Ok, now let's get a take saying how you're not here to make friends."
posted by Saxon Kane at 6:31 AM on November 9, 2010

These people are selected by media companies as reality TV contestants.
They edit and manage their speech to match what they see as expectations of the viewer.
Their comments are selected into a montage by a youtube contributor.
The youtube montage is reprocessed by another to make them sound like they are saying the opposite.
This opposite-speak is now submitted for comment to metafilter denizens.

Is this a sign of the era of widely available creativity? Is this pop-internet culture regurgitating the same content over and over again? How many levels of meta are there, here?
posted by yoz420 at 7:49 AM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

But without a doubt, the number one best way to make new friends is to get on a reality television show. Why? Because every show has a loudmouth brassy cast member who truly cares about everyone else and aggressively wants to make friends. Don’t believe me? Watch this unedited video.
posted by zephyr_words at 7:57 AM on November 9, 2010

I'm here to get favorites.
posted by The Bellman at 7:59 AM on November 9, 2010 [5 favorites]

I'm here to make friends with benefits.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:21 AM on November 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm not here to get favorites. I'm here to win.
posted by finite at 10:50 AM on November 9, 2010

I'm here to type characters into a form on a web page.
posted by zippy at 12:17 PM on November 9, 2010

You know how when you hear a word over and over, its meaning begins to dissolve and lose all cohesion and eventually, it just becomes a nonsense sound devoid of any substance or definition? Yeah. At some point after the word degenerates into nothingness, and if the repetition continues, it can reform in a completely arbitrary, nonsensical state. Now that I've watched that video, seeing the word "friend" conjures only images of translucent, wiggly people-shaped gelatinous noodles AND I CAN'T MAKE IT STOP.

Is there a word for that?
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:14 PM on November 9, 2010