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In this case, reaching "Pork Nirvana" could be considered a threat...
November 18, 2010 3:40 PM   Subscribe

What do you get when you combine two pounds of bacon with two pounds of Italian sausage carefully crafted into a woven log of artery clogging doom? The Bacon Explosion.
posted by quin (92 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Feh, needs more Zombies. And Ruby on Rails.
posted by chavenet at 3:45 PM on November 18, 2010 [6 favorites]


It's sad to realize the internet is composed of roughly 40% bacon, %30 pirates, 19% Sara Palin, 10% steampunk, and 1% things that aren't horrible.
posted by lattiboy at 3:46 PM on November 18, 2010 [5 favorites]


Bacon is stupid.
posted by koeselitz at 3:46 PM on November 18, 2010 [8 favorites]


So old that my dad's friends made one this spring. (Now that was a fun text message to receive.)
posted by fiercecupcake at 3:46 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


*keels over*
posted by rtha at 3:47 PM on November 18, 2010


I am so sad that he went through a 3 hour recipe and then ends it with: oh pop open some Pillsbury biscuits.
posted by fontophilic at 3:47 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


It's sad to realize the internet is composed of roughly 40% bacon, %30 pirates, 19% Sara Palin, 10% steampunk, and 1% things that aren't horrible.

Cats.
posted by pwally at 3:49 PM on November 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


Nothing exploded.

I HAVE BEEN LIED TO.
posted by GuyZero at 3:50 PM on November 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


Bacon is stupid.

I don't care about its GPA. I just want to taste it.
posted by Splunge at 3:51 PM on November 18, 2010 [13 favorites]


I actually made this thing for the Super Bowl that year. Much. Salt. Like a mouth puckering amount. I'll never again make it with store-bought sausage (if at all).

Also, for full effect you have to pronounce Bacon Explosion kind of like you would say Wayne's World. Make a guitar face and maybe work the air guitar a little bit. It's the Bacon Explosion! Bacon Explosion! Party time! Excellent!
posted by TungstenChef at 3:52 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


See also
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 3:54 PM on November 18, 2010


Why not just deep-fry a whole pig and be done with it.
posted by gottabefunky at 3:55 PM on November 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


*ring*

-what ya doin?

-weaving bacon I gotta call you back.
posted by longsleeves at 3:56 PM on November 18, 2010 [11 favorites]


I would throw a little broccoli in there to make it healthy.
posted by i_have_a_computer at 3:56 PM on November 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


The mystery man came over
And he said "I'm outta sight!"
He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach pork nirvana tonight
If I was ready, willing and able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of
His pressing affairs and devote
His attention to me
posted by Splunge at 3:58 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


You cardiologist called. You're fired.
posted by briank at 3:59 PM on November 18, 2010


I, too, have made this. I would describe it as "torpor-inducing".
posted by Wossname at 3:59 PM on November 18, 2010


I also helped make one of these for a superbowl party a couple years back. It's one of those things that seems awesome in theory but is terrible in execution. I was left feeling dirty in a way that you can't wash off.
posted by JimmyJames at 4:00 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


gottabefunky: "Why not just deep-fry a whole pig and be done with it"

You asked for it.

posted by Splunge at 4:00 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


What do you get when you combine two pounds of bacon with two pounds of Italian sausage...?

You get me, at your front door, looking hopeful that you love love love to share.
posted by datawrangler at 4:01 PM on November 18, 2010


Why not just deep-fry a whole pig and be done with it.
posted by gottabefunky at 3:55 PM


Oh god yes.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 4:01 PM on November 18, 2010


I don't know about this. The heart in my stomach has recently fallen in love with this huge goddamn corndog.
posted by jabberjaw at 4:02 PM on November 18, 2010


Once you've tasted dog bacon, there's no going back to swine.
posted by klue at 4:06 PM on November 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


It's sad to realize the internet is composed of roughly 40% bacon, %30 pirates, 19% Sara Palin, 10% steampunk, and 1% things that aren't horrible.

Rule 34 dictates that you are incorrect. It is 40% bacon porn, 30% pirate porn, 19% Sarah Palin porn, 10% steampunk porn, and 1% porn that isn't horrible. There is also furry porn of it.

Lastly, there's always this.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 4:07 PM on November 18, 2010


I think "baconweaver" is going into my bin of epithets acceptable on MetaFilter.
posted by everichon at 4:08 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


I think "baconweaver" is going into my bin of epithets acceptable on MetaFilter.

I am integrating it into my epic-level D&D game as a prestige class.
posted by griphus at 4:11 PM on November 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


Just one second! What are you trying to say? My grandfather was a baconweaver!
posted by brundlefly at 4:11 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Also, these pictures made me somewhat nauseous.
posted by brundlefly at 4:12 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


I must have this now.
posted by digitalprimate at 4:18 PM on November 18, 2010


I think it's high time the mods start taking a long and careful look at posts and comments from users with numbers under 20 000.

I don't know, you guys do what you want, my user number is probably far too large for anyone to give a fuck what I think.
posted by Dumsnill at 4:18 PM on November 18, 2010


Make it "porkweaver" and it'll scan in the Gary Wright song.
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:20 PM on November 18, 2010


Baconweaver.
posted by Splunge at 4:20 PM on November 18, 2010


My brother added pepper jack cheese and caramelized onions to the stuffing of his bacon monstrosity. It was...intense.
posted by wilky at 4:23 PM on November 18, 2010


A: Breakfast for the Partidge Family, clogged lungs for Alice?
posted by vhsiv at 4:25 PM on November 18, 2010


By pleasant coincidence I am drinking a bacon manhattan this very moment.
posted by ardgedee at 4:25 PM on November 18, 2010


no cheese?
posted by jonmc at 4:29 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Why not just deep-fry a whole pig and be done with it.
posted by gottabefunky at 3:55 PM

Oh god yes.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:01 PM


Here you go.
posted by clarknova at 4:31 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


am so sad that he went through a 3 hour recipe and then ends it with: oh pop open some Pillsbury biscuits

Nononono....he meant Pillsbury Grands, the kind you get in the frozen food section. The kinds that mimic the biscuits Mama used to make.

That would indeed be the proper home for these atrocities. ;-)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:32 PM on November 18, 2010


Ahem
posted by cjets at 4:33 PM on November 18, 2010


jonmc: "no cheese"

That's not a Manhattan. You add cheese and it's an Old Fashioned. Plebe.
posted by Splunge at 4:35 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Bacon is stupid.

What about anti-bacon?
posted by Joe Beese at 4:35 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


BT, DT (February of last year!). enh. Even using good bacon and good pork sausage and very little seasoning it was really nothing more than a blob of pork products. And it was a pain to make. Not really worth the effort, honestly.
posted by jlkr at 4:36 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Eat enough and you will be no-beese.
posted by Splunge at 4:37 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


That would go great with a Fool's Gold Loaf
posted by timsteil at 4:41 PM on November 18, 2010


I actually made one of these last Spring. It fed 12 people pretty comfortably. I think it was interesting, but I don't feel a burning urge to make another one.

Photo evidence here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bzarcher/sets/72157618781814874/
posted by BZArcher at 4:41 PM on November 18, 2010


Needs HNNNNNNG tag
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:48 PM on November 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


Photo Evidence in clicky form.
posted by Splunge at 4:49 PM on November 18, 2010


I could author a scathing critique of why this exposes the worst elements of man's interaction with his environment and the terrible introspective implications of the same, but it would be dull.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:54 PM on November 18, 2010


Jesus, that's fucking disgusting. And I say that as a meat-eater.
posted by mrnutty at 4:54 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
posted by kirkaracha at 4:57 PM on November 18, 2010


Moe: And bring us the finest food you've got stuffed with the second finest.
posted by kirkaracha at 4:58 PM on November 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


The Bacon Explosion

Worst Robert Ludlum novel ever.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:58 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


Mr. Bad Example: "The Bacon Explosion

Worst Robert Ludlum novel ever
"

The sequel is The Pork Retribution.
posted by Splunge at 5:02 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'm seeing lots of pictures of this thing being made and no pictures of anyone eating any of it. Is there a reason for that?
posted by motty at 5:02 PM on November 18, 2010


You add cheese and it's an Old Fashioned.

an old fashioned what?
posted by jonmc at 5:03 PM on November 18, 2010


I imagine you could cross this with Alton Brown's Pork Wellington recipe in the bacon place of the prosciutto, and the tenderloin taking over for the sausage. Spice to taste.

Maybe.

More experienced cooks should weigh in on this.
posted by Decimask at 5:03 PM on November 18, 2010


jonmc: "You add cheese and it's an Old Fashioned.

an old fashioned what
"

Exactly!
posted by Splunge at 5:06 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


And bring us the finest food you've got stuffed with the second finest.

and the taco stuffed lobster is wearing a sombrero! IT'S WEARING A SOMBRERO

I've said it before (and recently, even)... but I think that's my favorite 2 seconds of television.
posted by flaterik at 5:14 PM on November 18, 2010


Decimask: "I imagine you could cross this with Alton Brown's Pork Wellington recipe in the bacon place of the prosciutto, and the tenderloin taking over for the sausage. Spice to taste.

Maybe.

More experienced cooks should weigh in on this
"

My limited experience with things Wellington tells me that switching bacon which has much more fat and moisture as well as tenderloin having less of same might throw the whole recipe off in a way that would have you end up with an inedible mess. I don't mean to be a party pooper. But few recipes are as inflexible as a Wellington, AFAIK. Better cooks may disagree. I suppose that with a few tries one might make it work, but I just don't have the cash to toss the mistakes. YMMV.
posted by Splunge at 5:17 PM on November 18, 2010


Hand-heart attack WOOT!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:18 PM on November 18, 2010


Why not just deep-fry a whole pig and be done with it.

Hmmm, are there fryers large enough to deep fry a full grown person?
posted by nomadicink at 5:38 PM on November 18, 2010


Splunge: gottabefunky: "Why not just deep-fry a whole pig and be done with it"

You asked for it.


Jesus, they also do a whole lamb dinner. My only regret is that I'm not sure I could come up with enough people to book a table.
posted by paisley henosis at 5:42 PM on November 18, 2010


It's sad to realize the internet is composed of roughly 40% bacon, %30 pirates, 19% Sara Palin, 10% steampunk, and 1% things that aren't horrible.

Yeah, no. I think cats and porn make up about 90% of the internets.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 6:15 PM on November 18, 2010


instead of crumbled bacon on the inside, they should do refried beans, some jack cheese and jalapenos, and then you'd have something worth -- Oops, I just diarrheaed in my pants a little bit.
posted by jefbla at 6:16 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


40% bacon, %30 pirates, 19% Sara Palin, 10% steampunk, and 1% things that aren't horrible.

Surely you can't mean that bacon is horrible? I think I need my ears cleaned. There's a post about that around someplace....

To me this ratio has a lot more cats and jerks yelling at each other. I think maybe the unhorrible part os more like 17%.
posted by jessamyn at 6:24 PM on November 18, 2010


> That's not a Manhattan. You add cheese and it's an Old Fashioned.

With cheese it's a Madison.
posted by ardgedee at 6:29 PM on November 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


So me, jonmc, Richard Hell and Malcolm McLaren walk into a bar and grill. We're all fucked up.

MM to the waitress: Get us some food. Me boys need food. And drink. Bring a fookin bottle.
RH: Fuck that, more beer you pansy.
Me: I'll have a...
JMC: Beer is stupid.
MM: Jonmc, you seem to hae a fine sense of things. Here.

Malcolm gives jonmc a bag of white powder, it looks like maybe an ounce, of something.

RH: Now that's a party.

Richard grabs the bag, tears it open and pours it upon the table. Then he slams his face into the pile and inhales. He raises his head, looking like a whiteface clown with his orange spiked hair and the blow all over his face.

RH: This is fucking great!
MM: You weasely great scrote, that's the pure stuff!

Richard looks around and smiles. Soon blood starts dripping from his nose. It patters loudly into the rest of the white powder. He screams:

RH: Meat! MEAT IS NEEDED HERE! Bring it!

The manager comes over and says, you boys have to go.

JMC: Says, I'm hungry.

Then he pulls a sawed off shotgun.

I'm thinking, as all this happens, I'm drunk as a fuck. And the heroin in my pocket is fine for me. But the true meaning of friends is, backup. So I jump up and put a razor sharp Buck knife folder to the throat of the manager. And I say.

Me: My friend. Here you have a guy with a shotgun. A crazy fuck with a head full of pure Peruvian Crystal. One of the geniuses of fashion. Maybe you have heard of him. Malcolm McLaren. We have money, drugs and no fear. I could cut your throat before my friend shoots you. But what I'd like to do, is to give my friend Richard here, meat. Lots of fucking meat. And then we'll give you shitloads of money. What do you say, sir.

Money.

Or blood.

The manager thinks for a while and he says...

Manager: Alright, I'll give you bastards meat. I'll give you meat until you all die.

I slowly remove the razor sharp blade from his neck. There it seems is a very small cut. And from that cut a small bead of blood has begun to drop. But it doesn't get free from the pink space before an errant breeze dries it. Like a shaving cut. Yes, he must have cut himself shaving.

And Malcolm laughs and reaches into a jacket pocket and draws out a huge wad of money, not any denomination smaller than digits and many were four.

And the manager smiles, pockets the baseball sized wad of cash and backs away.

The he scrams to the kitchen.

Jonmc: Meat better be stupid good.

And Richard Hell, in a cocaine warped fantasy yells:

I don't care how fucking smart she is, I just want to...
posted by Splunge at 6:50 PM on November 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


Damn, three digits. Fucking THREE!
posted by Splunge at 6:52 PM on November 18, 2010


Maybe at gunpoint I would eat that.
posted by Daddy-O at 6:58 PM on November 18, 2010


One of these was made for me when I was the Guest of Honor at the ConQuesT science fiction convention a couple of years ago. This is what I said of the experience at the time:

"Oh, God, imagine there’s bacon on one side of my mouth and sausage on the other and they meet and have hot and angry make-up sex in the middle while a salt lick cheers them on."

I still stand by that description. And would like another.
posted by jscalzi at 7:12 PM on November 18, 2010


The good idea: A house full of college students making one and inviting all of their friends over for a lovely brunch.

The harsh reality: One toilet is not enough for a house full of greased up college student guts.
posted by munchingzombie at 7:19 PM on November 18, 2010


I still stand by that description. And would like another.

The moment I saw this post I went "Hmm, I remember when jscalzi had one fed to him at ConQuesT...."

Imagine if it was marinated in Coke Zero.
posted by eriko at 7:46 PM on November 18, 2010


Would it still be kosher if you added cheese?
posted by ootsocsid at 7:51 PM on November 18, 2010


Nononono....he meant Pillsbury Grands, the kind you get in the frozen food section. The kinds that mimic the biscuits Mama used to make.

Actually, Pillsbury Grands PRECISELY mimic the biscuits my mother used to make.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:54 PM on November 18, 2010


JMC: Beer is stupid.

This is an obvious imposter.
posted by jonmc at 7:55 PM on November 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Only if they killed the Martini very carefully. Otherwise you might have a Bloody Mary. No dairy then. That would not be Kosher.
posted by Splunge at 7:56 PM on November 18, 2010


jonmc: "JMC: Beer is stupid.

This is an obvious imposter
"

Oh shit you're right! It was some asshole called himself Gee Gee Alin! The bastard fucked the manager's dog and shit on the table!

You're okay in my book, that other guy though... he's a fucking God!
posted by Splunge at 8:09 PM on November 18, 2010


It's sad to realize the internet is composed of roughly 40% bacon, %30 pirates, 19% Sara Palin, 10% steampunk, and 1% things that aren't horrible.

Pirates on the meat ship (sfw, nsfl).
posted by dibblda at 8:15 PM on November 18, 2010


The Bacon Colon Explosion
posted by davejay at 8:29 PM on November 18, 2010


I'm glad I'm not the only person who seems to think this recipe, like the bacon bra, is a waste of perfectly good bacon.
posted by immlass at 8:31 PM on November 18, 2010


Oh for the day when we stop perpetuating the "meat and saturated fat = heart attack" myth!

The Masai, for one, eat only 6% fat milk, meat, and blood from their cows and have good heart health. It's when they stop their warrior phase and starting eating sugar and processed foods that their arteries get clogged!
posted by Earl the Polliwog at 8:32 PM on November 18, 2010


Eh, crap. Have good heart health.
posted by Earl the Polliwog at 9:03 PM on November 18, 2010


I actually made this thing for the Super Bowl that year. Much. Salt. Like a mouth puckering amount.

I like salt. I like salt so much that I salt food before I even taste it - no one puts enough salt in their food for me. I once licked a cow's salt block and thought it was the greatest thing ever. The Bacon Explosion is too salty for me. It's so salty it's painful. It's saltier than salt. My friends made one, and they've never made another. It's probably for the best.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:08 PM on November 18, 2010


I once licked a cow's salt block and thought it was the greatest thing ever.

Ok, now I want to know how that happened.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:09 AM on November 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


How many flags does this post have

CORTEX I QUESTION YOUR LOYALTIES

YOU ARE A BACON SYMPATHIZER

I BET YOU'RE EATING BACON RIGHT. NOW.
posted by tehloki at 1:35 AM on November 19, 2010


When you're reading that comment, obviously. Nobody eats bacon at 4:30am EST. Except maybe... GASP

THE GERMANS
posted by tehloki at 1:35 AM on November 19, 2010


I saw this post and thought it was going to be about Lady Gaga's latest dress.
posted by Solomon at 1:44 AM on November 19, 2010


I helped my Sister-in-Law make a dozen of these for a party a few years ago. It was quite the experience. Cleaning up after the cooking was also an experience.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:28 AM on November 19, 2010


Yeah, no. I think cats and porn make up about 90% of the internets.

So it's pussy all the way down?
posted by chavenet at 4:42 AM on November 19, 2010


From Chattanooga, I give you: Baconage

Full disclosure: I went to high school with one of these guys, but this is an unsolicited endorsement of their product.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 5:23 AM on November 19, 2010


Maybe we can make this The Last Great Open Bacon Thread
posted by tehloki at 7:01 AM on November 19, 2010


Before the great Bacon Bandwagon closes its doors, here's one more bacon-wrapping internet artifact:

Restaurant Owner Holds “Bacon Bikini” Contest For Charity (Which Doesn’t Exist)
posted by chavenet at 8:09 AM on November 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


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