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There's ALWAYS room for Jello.
December 4, 2010 4:55 PM   Subscribe


 
It looks great, but I stopped eating gelatin after learning it's made from horses' hooves.
posted by orthogonality at 4:57 PM on December 4, 2010


Actually according to Wikipedia it's pork skins, and beef and pork bones. Hmm...
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:59 PM on December 4, 2010




I stopped eating gelatin after I just learned it's made from pork skins, and beef and pork bones.
posted by Hlewagast at 5:03 PM on December 4, 2010 [9 favorites]


Truly festive, but time consuming! I don't have the patience to go through all that. I'll stick with making fudge & Crimbo Kneecapping Sticks.
posted by sciurus at 5:06 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


I started eating jello once I learned it was fucking delicious.
posted by boo_radley at 5:09 PM on December 4, 2010 [36 favorites]


STAINED GLASS CAKE.


Calling tim.mcarthy to thread 98201
posted by The Whelk at 5:09 PM on December 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Super cool, St. Alia! Although, the recipe writer did forget one key ingredient: le vodka! Magical jello shots, FTW!
posted by chara at 5:09 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


Bismillah al-rahman al-rahim, the pig is an unclean animal.
posted by orthogonality at 5:10 PM on December 4, 2010


that depends on what kind fo holiday it is.
posted by The Whelk at 5:10 PM on December 4, 2010


They do make vegetarian/vegan gelatin. It's called agar.
posted by FritoKAL at 5:13 PM on December 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Those look great, I may just give it a shot.
posted by jamesonandwater at 5:13 PM on December 4, 2010


We made these last year. Very difficult to get the condensed milk bit to set solid...so we didn't get nice, square blocks. But it was tasty.
posted by Jimbob at 5:13 PM on December 4, 2010


"They do make vegetarian/vegan gelatin. It's called agar."

Agar is awesome! and its a sugar not a denaturable protein so there is not limit to how alcoholic you can make it.
posted by Blasdelb at 5:17 PM on December 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


When I was in college, we screwed up the vodka:jello ratio one time and ended up with solidly jiggly jello shot squares that we could literally bounce off the walls. So we did.
posted by julen at 5:19 PM on December 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Cool. I imagined at first that this would be completely clear—but still sweet and flavored—Jello, though. Does that exist?
posted by limeonaire at 5:23 PM on December 4, 2010


Jello used to be the most terrifying thing on earth. It was almost all meat or vegetable flavors and was intended to be used in a salad or with fish. It wasn't until the middle part of the last century that fruit flavored jellos became popular. They were often called aspics, and while some people swear by them, I promise you if you show up to one of my parties with an aspic, you'll be picking it out of your ass.
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:23 PM on December 4, 2010 [5 favorites]


I was always partial to the rainbow layers version of this.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:23 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


It looks great, but I stopped eating gelatin after learning it's made from horses' hooves.

Are you kidding, that's when I started eating it. Each bit is delicious bit of revenge on that horse that bit me. Oh yes, who's laughing now, horsy, WHO?!
posted by nomadicink at 5:24 PM on December 4, 2010 [9 favorites]


NOT TO SELF: GO TO ASTRO ZOMBIE PARTY WITH ASPIC FOR EXPERIMENTAL PURPOSES>
posted by The Whelk at 5:25 PM on December 4, 2010 [15 favorites]


Blech. I'm having flashbacks to an era of bad cuisine for which I wasn't even alive.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 5:27 PM on December 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


My Jello Americans
posted by milkrate at 5:39 PM on December 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


J-J-J-J-Jenga!
posted by bwg at 5:39 PM on December 4, 2010


Whoa. It looks like bar soap from the 80s. Also, I want to eat this.
posted by 23skidoo at 5:40 PM on December 4, 2010 [7 favorites]


I'm glad I'm not the only one who looked at it and thought of soap.
posted by immlass at 5:45 PM on December 4, 2010


I eat jello because Bill Cosby told me.
posted by azarbayejani at 5:57 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


There's ALWAYS room for Jello.

Funnily enough, right at this moment I have 25kg of beef hide gelatine powder sitting in my office.

I estimate I'll have about 10kg left over after I'm done. If anyone wants to make a 3' jello cube, come and see me in about 6 month's time…

(Di you know there's a comprehensive Gelatine Handbook?)
posted by Pinback at 6:04 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


Does agar have a distinctive flavor that might interfere with making jello shots? I'm curious about something that I can just drench in vodka without having to worry about stability.
posted by kafziel at 6:08 PM on December 4, 2010


Pursuant to milkcrate's link: we actually made the Fruitcake for Thanksgiving! It was great! I spent the next coupla nights polishing off those jello-shots, then eating leftover stuffing with my bare hands. 'Tis the Season!
posted by Greg Nog at 6:30 PM on December 4, 2010


NOTE TO SELF: GO TO ASTRO ZOMBIE PARTY WITH ASPIC FOR EXPERIMENTAL PURPOSES

... ♫ There's always room for Jello! ♭ ...
posted by sebastienbailard at 6:32 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


STAINED GLASS CAKE
posted by The Whelk at 6:38 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


> Jello used to be the most terrifying thing on earth. It was almost all meat or vegetable flavors and was intended to be used in a salad or with fish. It wasn't until the middle part of the last century that fruit flavored jellos became popular. They were often called aspics, and while some people swear by them, I promise you if you show up to one of my parties with an aspic, you'll be picking it out of your ass

It's making a comeback, you know. I've been trying to get over my knee-jerk cultural aversion to all things jello; in our household growing up it was considering extremely passe and the kind of thing only trashy homemakers in other parts of the country (cough, the Midwest and South) still made for the holidays and all that. Jello shots were similarly reviled; I remember attending some nice holiday parties and being greeted with jello shots and all these otherwise-food-and-booze-snooty acquaintances getting all gleeful and thinking internally, "really?".

I have to change my ways partly because I moved to the South, and also a friend who is always ahead of the curve somehow and has made my life much more delicious and inspiring for years now (she's gifted me with Joyce Goldstein's Mediterranean Kitchen which was my introduction to all things JG, a real tagine, a Turkish coffee pot and the coffee to go with, Benedictine, Penzey's spices, a gigantic bottle of awesome homemade vanilla extract, etc., etc., and exposed me to Mollie Katzen, clay pot cooking, cheeses I'd never heard of and still can't pronounce, real Green Goddess dressing, baking with lavender, and this extremely retro time warp ritual every year at an old historical church that involves '50s tomato aspics and olive loaf but it's good, and on and on...) swears by jello. She has all these crazy molds and an over-the-top jello cookbook full of crazy recipes to like, build intricate jello castles with 50 flavors, etc. She's always right about everything, so I trust I just need to get over on the jello side (if it was good enough for Luchow's and Russian Samovar it's got to be good enough for me, right?).

And all these gourmet takes on jello have started sprouting up and now I dunno, maybe...
posted by ifjuly at 6:40 PM on December 4, 2010


You seeeEeeeee, you got the Jelloooooo and then the horse hoooooves and put it in the bowl with the condensed milk and teenagers today and pull your pants UP! and aaa-aaa-aaa-aaaaa....
posted by orme at 6:45 PM on December 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


Related
posted by jtron at 6:53 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


The Money Quote: "Also, poke down some of the floaters so they're not COMPLETELY protruding from the white mixture."
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:05 PM on December 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


23skidoo: "Whoa. It looks like bar soap from the 80s. Also, I want to eat this."

THANK you. I was trying to think about what it was that this reminded me of from my childhood. You nailed it!
posted by not_on_display at 7:31 PM on December 4, 2010


I am spending far too much time online. I read that FPP link as "Glenn Beck Holiday Jello"
posted by briank at 7:35 PM on December 4, 2010


Holy shit, jtron. I want the street name for that combo to be "The Bad Idea". Usage: "Dude, you want a Bad Idea? We got like four or five left and we were just about to start watching Zardoz."
posted by Greg Nog at 7:35 PM on December 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's just plain beautiful. As are all the other variants people have linked to.

But now I'm thinking.. I can't be the only person who wants a functioning jello rubik's cube, can I?
posted by Ahab at 7:48 PM on December 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Stained Glass Window Candy (similar to rocky road fudge)
posted by FelliniBlank at 8:08 PM on December 4, 2010


FelliniBlank, I am glad that the "stained glass candy" you linked to was not the recipe for "stained glass candy" that I made for Christmas presents once. That was a plain clear sugar candy that I flavored with anise and colored violet, then broke apart from a cookie sheet with a hammer blow. It was beautiful, and looked exactly like fragments of broken glass; it was in fact exactly like eating pieces of delicious broken glass. I cut my own cheek open before I realized that, but not before I had already given some away. No one was hurt, thank God.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:20 PM on December 4, 2010 [2 favorites]




The BEST jello ever is made with fruit juice replacing part of the cold water portion. I also add fruit.
example:
1 pkg orange jello, 1 cup boiling water. Mix.
add ½ cup o.j. + ½ cup cold water.
drain and stir in small can of mandarine oranges. chill.
.............
with strawberry or raspberry jello use that raspberry (it's mostly grape juice) concentrate in the frozen food aisle.
Another tip: add frozen mixed berries or frozen strawberries. you can squeeze lemon juice and a Tablespoon of sugar (or splenda) over the strawberries and slice them easily when they are partially thawed. this can be done as the jello is setting up b/c it takes a couple of hours.
If you don't stir the fruit into partially set-up jello expect it to rise or end up on the bottom (depending on the fruit.)
This recipe is EXCELLENT with sugar-free jello! the only calories are from the juice and fruit.
posted by Twist at 8:43 PM on December 4, 2010


See also; Stained Glass Window, in Cookie form, thank you for this recipe St. Alia, I have actually been looking for an inspiration just like this for a while.
posted by infinite intimation at 8:55 PM on December 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


> Jello used to be the most terrifying thing on earth. It was almost all meat or vegetable flavors and was intended to be used in a salad or with fish.

I have memories of my grandmother's tomato aspic.

Note, these are not fond memories.

> See also; Stained Glass Window, in Cookie form

Stained glass cookies, however, are excellent. I recommend making the cookie a bit stiffer (and, thus, tougher) than you might otherwise, as well as extra-spicy (ginger, cloves, allspice, cinnamon, maybe even a pinch of cayenne), and not leaving them hanging on the tree too long (thinking back to waking up one morning and finding several of them having fallen onto the floor because the cookie part had absorbed too much humidity from the air and softened up, allowing the ribbon on which it was hanging to do the cheese-slicer thing and cut through the cookie).
posted by Lexica at 9:53 PM on December 4, 2010


I have memories of my grandmother's tomato aspic. Note, these are not fond memories.

Ugh, my mother had inexplicable fond memories of some great-grandparent's tomato aspic, so she made it for Christmas one year and forced us to eat it. It was sort of astonishing that anyone ever expended so much effort to make something so thoroughly revolting.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 10:10 PM on December 4, 2010


kafziel: Agar has a slight flavour (as does gelatine) and a distinctive smell - it's different, but not so much that you'd notice when drenched in alcohol. It'd definitely be worth a try.

Preparation might be a problem though. Since jello shots arrived after I had finished being young and stupid (when it came to drinking, at least ;-), I have no idea how they're made. I do know this:
  1. Gelatine has to be heated to 60~70C to dissolve it
  2. Powdered agar dissolves at ~85C and solidifies ~40C
  3. Agar is a bit more than 2x as strong as gelatine
  4. As an azeotrope, the boiling point of vodka could be anything, but likely around 75~80C for high-proof vodkas
So I suspect you'd have to start with a high-proof vodka (of course!), aim for a final agar:liquid ratio around half as much as you would for gelatine:liquid, create a fairly stiff agar mix to start with, and add the vodka while it cools to avoid cooking off the whole point of this curious exercise…

(I can't believe I've giving out cooking tips on how to get rat-faced on vegan jello shots! Please don't tell my supervisor…)
posted by Pinback at 10:31 PM on December 4, 2010


Someone made this and brought it to work recently. Everyone else was raving about it but I found it overly sweet and kind of gross. Like a watery pile of sugar with weird bouncy bits in it.

And we call it "jelly" in New Zealand. The substituted o always looks weird to me.
posted by shelleycat at 10:37 PM on December 4, 2010


They were often called aspics, and while some people swear by them, I promise you if you show up to one of my parties with an aspic, you'll be picking it out of your ass.

My mom makes a pretty gross Jello salad for every holiday and family get-together; it's a family in-joke that we call "Mom's Green Stuff." It's essentially a Waldorf salad minus the celery, but instead of a mayo dressing there's some cottage cheese and it's laid out in a pan, covered with lime Jello and served cold and congealed. Nobody eats it except for dad who can't taste thing after 40 years of cigarettes. My sister-in-law always coos about how good it is even though none of it ever reaches her plate, the rest of us kids don't bother with pretending that it's edible. It gets covered with foil and then a week or two later it gets dumped into the trash. Year after year my poor mom goes through a lot of effort to fill a trash bag.

About two years ago I began a vocal campaign against "Mom's Green Stuff." I've loudly objected to its inclusion in our family's holiday table and noted its relative unpopularity. I've repeatedly made the case for easier, faster, tastier, cheaper, and more healthy alternatives that people might actually eat. And I'd be happy to cook them to relieve some of the kitchen burden off mom. This has not worked; it has backfired actually, "Mom's Green Stuff" is more deeply entrenched than ever now that it faces some opposition. It's full and proper name now is "Mom's Green Stuff that peeedro hates."

Picture this, we're having a family cookout for father's day:
Me: What's on the menu?
Mom: Dad's grillin' burgers, corn on the cob, potato salad, pasta salad, your sister-in-law is bringing the desserts, oh, and my "Green Stuff That You Hate."

Or Thanksgiving dinner:
Dad: Would you please pass the salt and Mom's Green Stuff that peeedro hates.
Fucking Sister-in-law: Oooh, Mom's Green Stuff is especially good this year, I can't believe peeedro hates it. *Beats eyelashes, curries favor*

I get it. It's a family institution. So long that mom's running the show, there will be Green Stuff (That I Hate). But I'm changing tactics, I've decided to lodge my protest in a more subtle manner: I will out-gross the Green Stuff.

I was recently recreationally reading a vintage copy of the Joy of Cooking and came across a recipe called "Tongue in Aspic." It's a whole cooked beef tongue suspended in a gelatinous aspic, served cold, sliced thinly for an impressive presentation. The entire description in the usually verbose Joy of Cooking is, "A fine-looking dish."

So this upcoming Christmas dinner I'm bringing the Tongue in Aspic. I hope dad doesn't shove it up my bum.
posted by peeedro at 11:13 PM on December 4, 2010 [9 favorites]


Oh, my. I would really love to combine this idea with the idea of the lego mold.
posted by Adika at 12:01 AM on December 5, 2010


If anyone wants to make a 3' jello cube, come and see me in about 6 month's time…

Gelatanous cube!!!!
posted by mr_roboto at 12:54 AM on December 5, 2010


Holy shit, jtron. I want the street name for that combo to be "The Bad Idea". Usage: "Dude, you want a Bad Idea? We got like four or five left and we were just about to start watching Zardoz."

I dunno. Any Erowid report that doesn't end with the chronicler running down the street past the local KFC, pantless, sporting a boner that would do Priapus proud, screaming about the lizard people... just doesn't seem right, somehow.

What good are cocaine-laced Jello shots if you don't get to scare little old ladies with your distended ballsack as you rant about the reptoid takeover? What good is anything, really?
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 1:57 AM on December 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Oeufs en Gelee
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:30 AM on December 5, 2010


kind of thing only trashy homemakers in other parts of the country (cough, the Midwest and South)

My Northeast Swamp Yankee mother, when not eating pie for breakfast, made Jell-0 cookies. Yum! The lime flavor are the best.

When I tell people about these cookies, they get a bewildered look on their faces and essentially ask how the cookies held up inside the set Jell-O.

Poor things never had a mother who made cookies from scratch.
posted by jgirl at 6:17 AM on December 5, 2010


Bar of soap from Urban Outfitters dessert treat would be a more apt description...
posted by Chuffy at 7:35 AM on December 5, 2010


peeedro's story reminds me of a tale from my childhood in the 70s. In the summers, my parents used to haul me around to national monuments in the South and the West in a travel trailer. Part of the fun of doing this was cookouts at the KOA campground. Jello salads were common at these events, which from the perspective of 30 years on and some women's studies classes look more like some kind of weird cooking competition than actual social events for the ladies.

My mom was not a great cook when she married my dad, although she's plenty fine now, and she'd never quite gotten the hang of fancy jello salads and the like. The first time she encountered one of these cookouts, she made what we called "barbecue weenies", which is basically hot dogs broiled with barbecue sauce basted on, because it was what she had ingredients for. All the time she was upset that it wasn't a fancy jello salad and the other ladies were going to think she couldn't cook, etc.

Taking a shower meant she was going to be five minutes late to the cookout, so my dad and I went ahead. Had we not saved her a plate, the weenies would have been gone before she got there because ALL the dads and kids had gravitated to what was recognizably food and NOBODY was touching those jello salads. Lesson learned.
posted by immlass at 8:02 AM on December 5, 2010


Russians have a meat and vegetable aspic called "holodets". You use pigs's feet to make a rich broth with chunks of celery and carrot disks and parsley; over-season it with salt and pepper and mustard seed, then let it cool in a mold. Serve cold and wiggly.
posted by acrasis at 8:38 AM on December 5, 2010


Oeufs en Gelee

Those didn't seem so bad. Then I realized the egg was "gently poached", and they became very bad indeed.
posted by oneirodynia at 9:40 AM on December 5, 2010


Russians have a meat and vegetable aspic called "holodets". You use pigs's feet to make a rich broth with chunks of celery and carrot disks and parsley; over-season it with salt and pepper and mustard seed, then let it cool in a mold. Serve cold and wiggly.

My boyfriend's Polish dad makes a similar dish, only instead of pigs feet it has fish, including the bones. It's a very challenging combination of textures and flavors.
posted by oneirodynia at 9:43 AM on December 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


The wife will be making these for Christmas, she loves the idea. I will be making Jello Shots with the extra Jello.

She and the rest of the family will no doubt love them.

I will no doubt have some after consuming many Jello Shots. Everyone wins.

Thanks Alia.
posted by Splunge at 10:38 AM on December 5, 2010


jgirl - what were these cookies like? I'm quite curious now as I can't imagine them at all.

My family has a traditional holiday dessert using jello. We call it Fat Lady Salad because it came from a Weight Watchers cookbook in the 70s. I'll give you the recipe right now - mix together crushed pineapple, cottage cheese, Coolwhip, and one package Jell-O powder (prefereably red, but any flavor is fine). Serve.


Thanks for the link because I discovered apple cider caramels on the side. My secret quonsee just got lucky.
posted by maryr at 10:39 AM on December 5, 2010


It's a very challenging combination of textures and flavors.

This is a small masterpiece of diplomacy and I'll have to remember it.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:06 AM on December 5, 2010 [1 favorite]



jgirl - what were these cookies like? I'm quite curious now as I can't imagine them at all.


They are essentially butter cookies flavored with Jell-O. Mom got the recipe in the late 60s or probably early 70s from a package or maybe from a magazine ad.

Check your MeMail!
posted by jgirl at 2:03 PM on December 5, 2010


Wow, what a fun looking dessert. Cool post St. Alia. Yes, it looks like that Lush soap.

All kinds
of creative possibilities come to mind...whoa, flower power to the max, mini blue oceans, with fruit, more like a fruit mousse.

Mocha jello is delicious too.
posted by nickyskye at 2:47 PM on December 5, 2010


Aquaria!
posted by jgirl at 3:34 PM on December 5, 2010


Nom Nom Nom Ack!
posted by gamera at 5:10 PM on December 5, 2010


I was paged, but away on an internet-free weekend.

Stained Glass Cake. OMG, made right it is awesome. Pineapple panna cotta with berry and/or cherry jello? Yes please.

It's cool and refreshing. Although it's a summertime desert. This time of year, I fall for more sophisticated things, like chocolate caramel cracker cookies.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:30 PM on December 5, 2010


My Ukrainian holodets experiences are similar to the Russian one above, except I don't recall the mustard, salt, pepper, or vegetables, which I shall therefore condemn as the perverse innovations of decadent Muscovy. Just trotters and head, boiled for about twelve hours and then the broth poured off to set. Looks like sapient dishwater, tastes like nothing in particular, good with a mouthful of black bread and a bit of beet-horseradish sauce, essential for Christmas and Easter. And maybe New Years.
posted by eritain at 7:48 PM on December 5, 2010


FYI, Mefites, thought of you at the grocery this evening. Why? Because I discovered OPAQUE WHITE JELL-O BRAND JELL-O. It is Pina Colada flavored. There was also Strawberry Daquari and no, I have no idea how that differs from normal strawberry flavor.
posted by maryr at 9:56 PM on December 5, 2010


Oh, maryr, that is great to know. I am going to try to make this creation next week, and white Jello-O brand ready-to-go stuff sounds a lot easier than the milk-Knox thing.

Does anyone know if and why the milk-Knox thing should be done? Food chemistry? Will it set better?
posted by jgirl at 8:36 AM on December 6, 2010


I suspect it's so you don't add another sweet flavor. Milk+gelatin would be relatively neutral.
posted by maryr at 10:39 AM on December 7, 2010


Sweetened condensed milk + gelatin is pretty sweet.

OK! I just slid my 9x13 pan of this wonderfulness into the fridge! The red bleeds quite a bit, FYI.

Even with a lot of nonstick spray (which I swore off years ago and bought now) the little buggers are hard to get out of their little containers.
posted by jgirl at 5:24 PM on December 12, 2010


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