Semper Aurum

December 10, 2010 8:41 AM

Though she publicly denied it, the records show that Bea Arthur was a truck driver in the Marine Corps.
posted by hermitosis (57 comments total)

God, she was so metal.
posted by cavalier at 8:45 AM on December 10, 2010 [16 favorites]

Why am I not surprised..

.... that woman always scared the shit out of me!
posted by HuronBob at 8:45 AM on December 10, 2010

She's a drug store truck driving gal...
posted by fixedgear at 8:46 AM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

<3
posted by fleetmouse at 8:46 AM on December 10, 2010

The YouTube link is wrong for some reason. Until it's fixed, you can also find it at the bottom of the Smoking Gun page.
posted by hermitosis at 8:47 AM on December 10, 2010

The first rule of Bea Arthur being a badass truck-driving marine is you don't talk about Bea Arthur being a badass truck-driving marine.
posted by ND¢ at 8:49 AM on December 10, 2010 [21 favorites]

My favorite part:

"On a Marine qualification card... her 'active hobbies' included hunting with a .22 caliber rifle and 'bow and arrow.'"
posted by hermitosis at 8:49 AM on December 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

Ought to redo those tired Chuck Norris jokes for Bea Arthur
posted by exogenous at 8:50 AM on December 10, 2010 [12 favorites]

This just makes me love her more. Strange that she would deny it. I wish this had come out 12 months ago when she might have been able to fess up.
posted by londonmark at 8:50 AM on December 10, 2010

I bet the whole venereal disease thing was just reprisal from a superior officer who tried to put the moves on her and subsequently got a black eye and a fat lip.
posted by griphus at 8:51 AM on December 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

I prefer to think she was just bangin'.
posted by hermitosis at 8:57 AM on December 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

The poor woman. She spent over 40 years unable or unwilling to admit to these experiences, almost certainly to avoid having to address the VD issue. After all that time, she probably believed herself that she never served in the Marines.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:00 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Is this where we start an internet campaign to posthumously add "SSgt" onto all of her Golden Girls title credits?
posted by hermitosis at 9:03 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

That's such a sad story, it destroyed my ability to math in my head. Over sixty years.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:06 AM on December 10, 2010

Interesting.... looks like she was probably at MCAS Cherry Point when my grandmother was there (also a Marine).
posted by blaneyphoto at 9:16 AM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm trying really hard to work the words "“Argumentative”, “Over aggressive.” and , “Officious--but probably a good worker--if she has her own way!” into the Maude theme song, but it's not working. Still, though, it's been fun trying.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:19 AM on December 10, 2010

exogenous: Ought to redo those tired Chuck Norris jokes for Bea Arthur

The first one that came to mind is There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. I was promptly stumped for a good Bea Arthur version.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:22 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Did I ever tell you about the time Bea Arthur went hunting? Bea decides she's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. She stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives... except Fleagle.
posted by entropicamericana at 9:23 AM on December 10, 2010 [5 favorites]

Picture it: Marine Corps, 1943...

How is it even possible to love her more? (I mean, seriously. Have you SEEN the Star Wars Holiday Special?)
posted by Madamina at 9:27 AM on December 10, 2010

Oh please, we all know these records were forged by the Bush Administration.
posted by spicynuts at 9:35 AM on December 10, 2010

Bea Arthur puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter."

There is no 'Ctrl' button on Bea Arthur's computer. Bea Arthur is always in control.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Bea Arthur can piss her name in concrete.
posted by exogenous at 9:35 AM on December 10, 2010 [23 favorites]

I'm trying really hard to work the words "“Argumentative”, “Over aggressive.” and , “Officious--but probably a good worker--if she has her own way!” into the Maude theme song, but it's not working.

Oh, I don't know:

"And then there's Maude;
and then there's Maude.
Argumentativeoveraggressiveofficiousbutprobablyagoodworkerifshehasherownway...
RIGHT ON, MAUDE!"

There you go.
posted by steambadger at 9:35 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Anyone here who disses Bea like some of the commenters at Smoking Gun are gonna have a big ol' can o' Bea Arthur whoopass opened on 'em... Seriously, have some fucking respect, people.
posted by OneMonkeysUncle at 9:41 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

"And then there's Maude ......RUN!"
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 AM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

The first one that came to mind is "There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist." I was promptly stumped for a good Bea Arthur version.

You didn't watch enough Golden Girls.
posted by DU at 9:59 AM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Still the best Bea Arthur story I've ever heard:

Golden Girls star Bea Arthur sparked a security scare at Boston's Logan International Airport earlier this week (August of 2004) when she tried to board a flight with a pocketknife in her handbag. The actress, 81, was about to board a Cape Air flight when a Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agent discovered the offensive article in her belongings, which is strictly forbidden on airplanes since the September 11th attacks. A fellow passenger says, "She started yelling that it wasn't hers and said 'The terrorists put it there'. She kept yelling about the 'terrorists, the terrorists, the terrorists'." After the knife was confiscated by TSA officials, the funnywoman pulled out a key ring from her bag and told the agent it belonged to the "terrorists", before throwing it at them. As she boarded the plane, the Emmy-winning star told the TSA employees, "We're all doomed."

My hero.
posted by tzikeh at 10:03 AM on December 10, 2010 [24 favorites]

As part of the enlistment process, Arthur underwent interviews that resulted in the production of “personality appraisal” sheets. One such analysis described her conversation as “Argumentative” and her attitude and manner as “Over aggressive.”

The Marines. Called Bea Arthur "over-aggressive".

That's pretty bad ass.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:08 AM on December 10, 2010 [43 favorites]

She was also an X-Wing mechanic for the Rebel Alliance.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:16 AM on December 10, 2010 [9 favorites]

I thought "truck driver in the Marine Corps" was, y'know, like... a euphemism.
posted by word_virus at 10:19 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

She was also an X-Wing mechanic for the Rebel Alliance.

I thought she was a navigator on a spice freighter.
posted by norm at 10:26 AM on December 10, 2010

heh
posted by clavdivs at 10:32 AM on December 10, 2010

This represents the crossroads at which my wife (a Golden Girls fan) and I (a former Marine) can finally agree on something (Bea Arthur's coolness).

Out of fear of breaking our long-running streak of disagreement on pretty much everything, I'm not going to tell her about it. We're going for the record.
posted by Brackish at 10:41 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Bea Arthur had a willy?

We knew she had balls, of course.
posted by chavenet at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2010

Bea Arthur once lit a fart in the Sahara forest.
posted by keratacon at 10:47 AM on December 10, 2010

This is all very impressive, but I associate Bea Arthur with the moment I realized I was going to be condemned to a life of the theater. I had never thought too much about her one way or another -- Maud sort of came before my era of television, and Golden Girls afterward. But I remember, at a fairly young age, hearing that she played Lucy Brown in the Off-Broadway premiere of Threepenny Opera and being astonished.

I think I was 13. I am hoping one day we locate the gene that causes this sort of thing.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:49 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Bea Arthur once lit a fart in the Sahara forest.

Okay, stand back, people. I'll take this one.

Ahem.

"Isn't that the Sahara Desert?"
posted by steambadger at 10:52 AM on December 10, 2010

You can tell me all you want what a badass Bea Arthur was, but the simple fact is

ONLY BETTY WHITE REMAINS
posted by briank at 10:55 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm shocked at this news. Even more so that the USMC never publicized it either.
posted by jsavimbi at 11:00 AM on December 10, 2010

She was also an X-Wing mechanic for the Rebel Alliance.

I thought she was a navigator on a spice freighter.

No, no, no. She owned a cantina in Mos Eisley.
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:09 AM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Finally the mystery of Deadpool's undying love for her is explained.
posted by Logic Sheep at 11:15 AM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Is this something I would have to have a black and white TV with tinfoil topped rabbit ears to understand?
posted by srboisvert at 11:19 AM on December 10, 2010

A one woman Bea-Team could have roundhouse-kicked the A-Team off the air.
posted by zippy at 11:20 AM on December 10, 2010

Perhaps the definitive portrait of Bea Arthur:
Brandon Bird, "Killing Machine," oil on canvas, 2001
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:32 AM on December 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

The Marines. Called Bea Arthur "over-aggressive".

I'm picturing some leathery Recon guy with a thousand yard stare sitting in a bar shaking a little trying to put down enough whiskey to steady his nerves. Another marine comes up to him, notices, and solemnly inquires "Combat shakes?"

To which the drinker replies in a voice dark with memories of that which can't be unseen, "No, worse. Her name was... Bea Arthur." before shuddering and downing another glass.
posted by quin at 11:37 AM on December 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

There's a special karmic debt for screwin' with B.A.
posted by cookie-k at 11:38 AM on December 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only Bea Arthur.
posted by 5ean at 11:44 AM on December 10, 2010 [14 favorites]

That's an interesting slice of how things used to be. Nowadays, those positions all would require something like an associates degree and there would be little chance of jumping careers so easily.

You'd be surprised. I've been a zookeeper, a crown and bridge lab technician, a barista, a delivery driver for a florist, a logistics analyst, a medical receptionist, a web developer, an editor, and an office drone and I don't have a degree of any sort.

Oh, and I've also been a sandwich artist!
posted by elsietheeel at 1:11 PM on December 10, 2010

Age 27.

I never said I was as good as Bea Arthur!
posted by elsietheeel at 1:15 PM on December 10, 2010

but could she change a tire faster then the Queen of England? which would be a one-sided conversation.
posted by clavdivs at 1:20 PM on December 10, 2010

tyre, rather
posted by clavdivs at 1:20 PM on December 10, 2010

well she doesn't have a lot to say.
posted by The Whelk at 1:23 PM on December 10, 2010

elsietheeel, i've known a lot of people with similar experience. i see one in the mirror every morning. (I do have a degree, but i can't honestly say for sure it's ever done me any good in getting a job.) been a web developer, requirements analyst, voiceover talent, it support guy, quasi-IT-director, writer, security guard, *ahem* bookstore clerk, prep cook, janitor, typist, secretary, data entry operator, library page, and a few other things i forget.

nevertheless, i think people like us are exceptions. i know i got these opportunities by leveraging earlier opportunities, not through education, and it took me a long time to accrue this set. (though to be fair I'd logged most of them by about 35.)

especially when the economy sucks, people look for any excuse to reject someone from consideration, at least when all they're looking at is the resume. Get me in front of someone and 8 times out of 10 i'm in the consideration set (sometimes when i shouldn't be); show them my resume and they probably won't look twice. Resumes serve the function of reducing us to interchangeable parts, commodities.

to bring it back to bea: good actors may play interchangeable parts on TV, but they're really the opposite of that.
posted by lodurr at 2:21 PM on December 10, 2010

A fellow passenger says, "She started yelling that it wasn't hers and said 'The terrorists put it there'. She kept yelling about the 'terrorists, the terrorists, the terrorists'." After the knife was confiscated by TSA officials, the funnywoman pulled out a key ring from her bag and told the agent it belonged to the "terrorists", before throwing it at them. As she boarded the plane, the Emmy-winning star told the TSA employees, "We're all doomed."

She didn't get carted away for acting crazy? I bet they were all like, "Oh, Dorothy!"
posted by anniecat at 2:25 PM on December 10, 2010

Astro Zombie, you've got that recording, right? It's the Marc Blitzstein translation, immediately kiboshed by the Brecht Estate (but still the source of the ubiquitous version of "Mack the Knife.")
posted by Pallas Athena at 3:32 PM on December 10, 2010

I wouldn't have wanted to be the stud that infected Bea Arthur.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:57 AM on December 11, 2010

I thought "truck driver in the Marine Corps" was, y'know, like... a euphemism.

It is. For being a truck driver in the Marine Corps.
posted by gjc at 6:37 AM on December 11, 2010

That shit about the "VD" pisses me off SO FUCKING MUCH.

Who do you think gave it to her? (hint: her fucking husband)

Written up for misconduct and docked pay? Did they do that to men, too? (No, seriously, did they?)

I love you, Bea - always have, always will.
posted by tristeza at 5:23 PM on December 11, 2010