Holidays on Ice—or—Oh, Deer
December 20, 2010 8:25 PM   Subscribe

Sure, it was cute when Bambi slipped all over the ice, but the story usually ends less adorably. Upon finding a deer stuck on the ice, you can chip away the ice and let it swim free, winch it off the ice by the leg, or even blow it off the ice with a helicopter, but it probably won't matter—the deer will die anyway, and you'll just end up getting in trouble. Just this week, eight tiny reindeer fell into a lake at a Christmas park. Their entombed bodies are protruding through its icy surface for all the visiting kids to see. (Maybe coyotes did it.) People have been rescuing deer from the ice every winter for decades and decades and decades. If you want things to end well, let the professionals handle it.
posted by waldo (53 comments total) 21 users marked this as a favorite

 
I will never click on a single link in this fpp.

Really, Waldo, 5 days before xmas and you posted this?
posted by HuronBob at 8:29 PM on December 20, 2010 [14 favorites]


I saw the story on the Baltimore news about the guys getting the ticket for saving the deer. Is there any way a judge won't throw this out?
posted by josher71 at 8:30 PM on December 20, 2010


Park visitors met with bodies of entombed deer

THAT IS....SO....METAL.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:32 PM on December 20, 2010 [18 favorites]


Wow. Welcome to Cheerful Town. Population none.
posted by Babblesort at 8:33 PM on December 20, 2010 [4 favorites]


It's a little late for this year, but perhaps for the next I can finally join everyone in sending out Christmas cards, now that I have some appropriate images to put on them.
posted by adipocere at 8:34 PM on December 20, 2010 [10 favorites]


It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who hates christmas.
posted by sanko at 8:35 PM on December 20, 2010 [4 favorites]


The helicopter link is actually pretty awesome, and has the added benefit of no deer death.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:36 PM on December 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


Pish posh people. You'd think that in an era of post-rotten.com stuff like this would actually make you capable of choking down your coffee more, not less.

Nothing says Christmas to me like knowing that, out there, outside of the relative warmth of my home and away from the stingy but lovingly-so family, somewhere on a lake wild animals are dying horrible deaths all to be part of the grand scheme that is life.

Think of all the happy billions of bacteria who'll find new life in the rotting corpses of the deer. Those are families too, natch, those are families too.
posted by dubusadus at 8:37 PM on December 20, 2010 [6 favorites]


In my neck of the woods, deer carcasses are strapped to every other pickup this time of year. ’Tis the season for venison. (You can't eat more local than your back yard.) Now, if the deer has been frozen into a lake, is that hunting...or gathering?
posted by waldo at 8:39 PM on December 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


There's an image of a deer frozen at the beginning of the winter and what remained of him around march or so. I won't link it since it will probably upset many but nature has a way of being fascinatingly efficient in reusing resources.
posted by msbutah at 8:39 PM on December 20, 2010


I won't link it since it will probably upset many

What kind of reasoning... just link it! Link it with the exact description you have given it, and anyone who may be offended by it can very easily not click the link.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:50 PM on December 20, 2010 [3 favorites]


I'm going to be up all night trying to figure out exactly why I think this post is so funny.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:54 PM on December 20, 2010 [5 favorites]


'Twas the week before Christmas, when sitting late at my desk,

Not a creature was stirring, not even cortex;

When on to the green there arose such a clatter,

I logged in at once to see what was the matter.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a grim late night post about eight frozen reindeer;

To the top of the page! ahead of comments and all!

Now flag away! flag away! flag away all!"

"Really dude?" "Is this kosher?" and "What the fuck?"

"Happy Christmas to all, good night and good luck."

posted by 2bucksplus at 9:00 PM on December 20, 2010 [33 favorites]


Coincidentally, I just sent out a Christmas card today that depicts Santa and his reindeer landing on an office building with the sign "Ace Taxidermy" and through all the windows there are scenes of deer heads being stuffed or toted about by taxidermists. One of Santa's reindeer is saying to one of the others, "I'm getting a funny feeling about this place..."
posted by orange swan at 9:02 PM on December 20, 2010 [3 favorites]


Awesome. One more thing to worry about when the thaw hits. Tiny zombie reindeer.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:07 PM on December 20, 2010 [4 favorites]


I haven't seen a more aptly timed post since K5 did Fuck Natalee Holloway. Loving it!
posted by sbutler at 9:13 PM on December 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


You might want to skip it if you're sensitive about animal death, but the entombed reindeer article is hysterical. I keep opening it and giggling.
posted by oinopaponton at 9:17 PM on December 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


I keep opening it and giggling.

For me the humor is entirely the thought of all those little kids learning a valuable life lesson.
posted by sbutler at 9:23 PM on December 20, 2010


This made me google to actually see if the frozen horse heads sticking out of the frozen pond scene in My Winnipeg was real or not. Kind of sad to see that it's not, weirdly.
posted by Space Coyote at 9:25 PM on December 20, 2010 [1 favorite]


> You might want to skip it if you're sensitive about animal death, but the entombed reindeer article is hysterical. I keep opening it and giggling.

It's not just you. I mean...

"Other children didn't notice the frozen animal corpses as they were so distracted by the other deer."

...makes it sound like the remaining deer were purposely putting on a show to keep the kids from looking at the "frozen animal corpses."
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:30 PM on December 20, 2010


Well, at least they're frozen. Hard to ignore otherwise.
posted by IvoShandor at 9:34 PM on December 20, 2010


Santa?
posted by benzenedream at 9:46 PM on December 20, 2010 [4 favorites]


Benzenedream, that link is totally hysterical. I keep opening it and giggling.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 10:00 PM on December 20, 2010


Well, at least those British children no longer have to wait up to see if reindeer really know how to fly.
posted by jcking77 at 10:12 PM on December 20, 2010


At least now we know who killed Bambi.
posted by Devonian at 10:18 PM on December 20, 2010


The real question is who had to chip the deer out of the ice for the Christmas park and what is his job title. Also, this might keep me from screaming obscenities at the next radio station to play Christmas music.
posted by Felex at 10:25 PM on December 20, 2010


Well, it was awfully nice to log in to Metafilter just after waking up from a creepy, disjointed, weirdly nightmare-filled eight hours of sleep a mere four days before Christmas and seeing this post right up at the top there.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go find a highway to play in the middle of. To all, a good night!
posted by perilous at 10:27 PM on December 20, 2010


Come on. Really?

"My son was distressed and we did not feel comfortable," said a woman who was visiting with her eight-year-old son.

"It was an awful sight and nothing seems to be done about it."


In other words, "I was distressed and projected it on my kid. And looking at it bothered me an awful lot because I haven't accepted death as a normal part of life, so why won't they do something and keep it out of sight?"

And, for the love of god do everything you can to keep death a secret from kids.
posted by CarlRossi at 10:35 PM on December 20, 2010 [10 favorites]


Bad bad bad.
This is bad and you should feel bad.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:36 PM on December 20, 2010


Carl, I think you have it backwards. I don't think kids can be horrified or distressed about death unless they actually do understand it. I remember seeing Benji II in theaters, I was young but I knew what death was. The scene where some bird of prey (hawk, owl, eagle, can't remember) takes one of the baby feline cubs out of a nest and carries it away horrified me...completely and utterly horrified me and I had nightmares for years. I still think about how watching that made me feel and it still makes me feel seriously uneasy. When I was older, I remember going out to the bus stop and seeing my pet cat dead in the road with a pool of blood around it's head. That imagine is still burned into my mind. If I were a young child viewing the death pond of frozen deer, I think I wouldn't be right for a very long time. Exposing children to death is ok, but exposing them to horror is not. I really wish there had been someone there to shield be from those moments.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 10:44 PM on December 20, 2010 [4 favorites]


Embrace the horror, Mary. Embrace the horror.
posted by nola at 11:02 PM on December 20, 2010


My reaction to her language was a strong one, but I agree that they can't be distressed unless they understand it. A situation like this gives the parent the opportunity to discuss death with a child, but this parent clearly wasn't going to do that. All she was going to do was transfer her anxiety to the kid.

Also, is horror the right word? I mean, they're deer, I would reserve the word horror for a pond of frozen people. (And then I'd justify shielding the child from such a sight...)
posted by CarlRossi at 11:08 PM on December 20, 2010


Deer are cute and all, but they're mostly like big rats that aren't taboo to eat.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:13 PM on December 20, 2010 [5 favorites]


I mean, they're deer, I would reserve the word horror for a pond of frozen people.

Not everyone feels the same way you do about it. And for a people who don't have developed coping skills (like children), horror is the perfect way to describe it. I'm not horrified by this (grossed out and saddedned, yes) but the young me would be absolutely horrified.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 11:13 PM on December 20, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'm not horrified by this (grossed out and saddedned, yes) but the young me would be absolutely horrified.

I can definitely see that, understand it even. But really, an average trip on the highway exposes far worse horrors in the animal kingdom. The difference being that someone usually cleans up those horrors, if that's what we're calling them, rather quickly. At the same time, these deer were frozen in a pond, so there is a level of risk involved with picking up these carcasses that might make it unsafe for humans to do so. Maybe we can covert these into awesome carcass dragging robots -- the horror! The horror!
posted by IvoShandor at 11:53 PM on December 20, 2010


Doesn't "dellamorte" mean "of the death" or something like that?
posted by frodisaur at 12:01 AM on December 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


If that's the one that ate my garden peas, he can bloody well stay out there on the ice until he apologizes.

Or dies. I'd trade some peas for a couple of steaks any day.
posted by klanawa at 12:09 AM on December 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I worked at a photolab a long time ago (remember those?) and sometimes we'd bang out a few photo Xmas cards of hunting photos. We were bad kids back then. So, this takes me back.
posted by Lukenlogs at 12:14 AM on December 21, 2010


In the spirit of Charles Addams, this post is all 'round hilarious. Kudos to you, sir.
posted by slumberfiend at 12:21 AM on December 21, 2010


There is a Swedish expression "ingen ko på isen" which means literally "no cow on the ice." It means more or less "no immediate problem" and now I see why.
posted by three blind mice at 12:30 AM on December 21, 2010 [7 favorites]



Think of all the happy billions of bacteria who'll find new life in the rotting corpses of the deer. Those are families too, natch, those are families too.

Sorry, but I root for team mammal.
Or at least team eukaryote.
posted by brevator at 3:28 AM on December 21, 2010


This far into the thread and no reference made to My Winnipeg? For shame, man.
posted by pxe2000 at 4:59 AM on December 21, 2010


^Doesn't "dellamorte" mean "of the death" or something like that?

Yes, it does, but more importantly Mortadella is a cured pork sausage. Mmmmmmortadella.
posted by gingerest at 5:03 AM on December 21, 2010


...but more importantly Mortadella is a cured pork sausage.

That's just a bunch of baloney.
posted by TedW at 5:23 AM on December 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I once left a long, crazy rant on a local newspaper's website about the stupidity of some firefighters risking their lives for a deer frozen in a river. People flamed me. I said the deer would probably die soon anyway.

Two days later they reported the deer had died and had some quotes from the very distraught firefighters.

I felt evil and superior at the same time. It was nice.
posted by pjaust at 6:42 AM on December 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


I won't link it since it will probably upset many

OH MY GOD nevermind.
HOLY SH nothing.
DID YOU SEE oh it's gone now.

In conclusion: people like you suck.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:00 AM on December 21, 2010


Oh wow. Reminds me of the 53 dead Caribou mystery up in Alaska. (Shhhh ... nobody mention Fort Greely.)

Merry Xmas !!!!
posted by Twang at 7:02 AM on December 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


You want cruel? How about my &*^*&^$&*^ brother who went deer hunting before Christmas and brought home a bleeding carcass, then got me, his six-year-old little sister, to go see it and told me "That's Rudolph!"

Asshole.
posted by emjaybee at 7:52 AM on December 21, 2010 [3 favorites]


Poor critters. I'm trying to decide if a sparrow froze to death on the bird feeder or not and it makes me feel absolutely worse than I already do with a cold. I know nature is cruel and all that, but doesn't make me feel better.
posted by Calzephyr at 8:11 AM on December 21, 2010


"...this week, eight tiny reindeer fell into a lake at a Christmas park."


Tiny, your hoof is frozen...

(Opera joke, sorry).
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:25 AM on December 21, 2010


Shit, if it's this pic, I'LL link it, because that is also METAL AS HELL.
posted by FatherDagon at 9:29 AM on December 21, 2010 [4 favorites]


Rudolph Balloon Christmas Parade Tragedy.
posted by jrb223 at 9:39 AM on December 21, 2010


Sometimes the story does end happily
posted by schmod at 9:53 AM on January 5, 2011


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