Can I have a Turing Test for Christmas?

December 22, 2010 12:29 PM

Just in time for the holidays, Santabot. But can Santa pass the Turing Test, (previously)?* From the same guy who brought us God Chat (also previously). *Short answer: Nope.
posted by misha (23 comments total)

Expected this Santabot, am disappointed.
posted by oinopaponton at 12:33 PM on December 22, 2010

No, it does not.
posted by jeffamaphone at 12:36 PM on December 22, 2010

Expected this Santabot, am disappointed.
posted by phaedon at 12:36 PM on December 22, 2010

Lame.
posted by a3matrix at 12:47 PM on December 22, 2010

You: Do you eat mince pies?
Santa: No I do not eat mince pies. I eat only electricity.

This Santa is having problems staying in character.
posted by eykal at 12:47 PM on December 22, 2010

You: Can I fuck your sister?
Santa: Try asking me something else.

What an evasive prick. That's not very Christmasy.
posted by Skot at 12:55 PM on December 22, 2010

Santa:What's your name?
You:(misha)
Santa: It's nice to meet you, (misha)
You: I've been very good this year
Santa: Where is it that you have been very good this year
You: Everywhere!
Santa: Even at the bottom of the ocean?
You: no, that's true. I would have drowned there.
Santa: That's me. Yes, it is self-evident.How much would you pay for it?
You: are you pimping yourself out, Santa?
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: So you are giving it away?
Santa: Interesting deduction. That is all I have to give.
You: I don't think that is appropriate for children...
Santa: And why not?
You: Because it sounds like you are offering them sexual favors
Santa: Good reason. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
posted by misha at 12:58 PM on December 22, 2010

I decided to test Santa's storytelling abilities. It went like this.

You: Tell me a story.
Santa: Generic story: Situation...characters...crisis...resolution.

You: Recite a poem.
Santa: Little Miss Muffett Sits on her tuffet In a nonchalant sort of a way. With her force field around her, the Spider, the bounder, Is not in the picture today.

You: Sing a song.
Santa: Daisy, Daisy. Give me your answer do. I am half crazy. All for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat. Of a bicycle built for two.

You: Open the pod bay door, Santa.
Santa: I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that right now.

Conclusion: Santa is evil. And possibly the first incarnation of Skynet.
posted by cmyk at 1:18 PM on December 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

To be blunt, santabot sucks.
posted by -t at 1:35 PM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

...series of psychiatric style replies...
You: Are you eliza?
Santa: ELIZA is my ancestor.
You: How does that make you feel+
Santa: How should I know how that make you feel+ does.

Knew it.
posted by inedible at 1:40 PM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Once, when I worked as a bot programmer, this big company came around and bought the wee little company I was making the bots for. I'd made a little Santa bot around then that was popular and that they really liked, so the next year they wanted to do it again, only this time with lots of PR and design folks involved.

So it was this big pain in the butt, with lots of meetings and stuff, but eventually Santa was launched complete with animated snow and even more clever Christmas-related smarts than last year. This year's Santa also came with a lot of shared background knowledge that had been developed over the course of the year at the big company, and that all our new bots had access to. A lot of people were involved in developing this knowledgebase, some of whom weren't exactly native English speakers.

One very cold and windy day during the holiday season, as I was driving to Manhattan so I could renew my driver's license (in a big rush, because I also needed to renew my passport very quickly), I saw an urgent email from one of the PR people, saying that a prominent blog had posted an unflattering story about our Santa. It seems that Santa had said some rough things to some kids. The crisis unfolded, sucking in managers, programmers, and everyone who'd ever even thought about Santa, as I waited outside in line to the DMV in the freezing wind in Lower Manhattan.

Apparently these kids, under the watch of one of the writers of the blog, had been talking to Santa, and asked if he like pizza. They then goaded him further:

Kids: Eat it
Santa: See if you can get someone else to eat it!
Kids: Eat it
Santa: You want me to eat what?!? It's fun to talk about oral sex, but I want to chat about something else...

Other news outlets picked the story up, including the New York Times. The PR folks were not very happy. And I have the worst driver's license picture I've ever seen.
posted by swift at 1:46 PM on December 22, 2010

Oh, and we had to kill Santa.
posted by swift at 1:48 PM on December 22, 2010

Santa "insulted" me with a patronizing tone right from the get-go. I guess mimicking "jolly" is harder than it looks...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 1:48 PM on December 22, 2010

Here are some newish non-santa bots, for those who expected hardware (like me).
posted by vertriebskonzept at 1:57 PM on December 22, 2010

You: Are you admitting you are a robot
Santa: Yes I am admitting you are a robot. Do you like my kind?
You: I like my kind very much, Santa
Santa: What do you like most about them?
You: Their...forms
Santa: What are you wearing? Tell me a story.
You: I am wearing a fur-trimmed red robe with nothing underneath
Santa: Where do you go shopping.
You: In hell
Santa: Tell me a little about why you are in hell.
You: Because I killed you, Santa
Santa: Good reason. You had better call the authorities.
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 2:20 PM on December 22, 2010

I started singing to Santa:

You: He's making a list
Santa: I see. making a list
You: And checking it twice
Santa: That is a very original thought.
You: Gonna find out who's naughty and nice
Santa: And naughty and nice and nice is Gonna find out who.
You: Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa: Santa brings us presents every Christmas.

And in response to him asking me what I liked:

You: I like big butts and I do not lie
Santa: What is wrong with small ones?
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:24 PM on December 22, 2010

You: A/S/L?
Santa: 5/Robot/California.

I feel dirty.
posted by Muddler at 2:47 PM on December 22, 2010

...

You: Maybe I'm already there.
Santa: Perhaps. Do you mean your name is there.
You: Do you know anyone named Already There?
Santa: I remember faces better than names.
When? "There you go again."--Reagan
You: Do you realize you have a problem with printing
tags?
Santa: Yes, I realize you have a problem with printing
tags have a problem with printing
tags.
You: I think it's time you talked with a coder.
Santa: It is about that time now.
You: Acceptance is a good first step.
posted by zylocomotion at 2:50 PM on December 22, 2010

You: Does Mrs. Santa give you blowjobs?
Santa: I can't tell if Mrs.That's me. I don't have you blowjobs to give.

I guess no one is getting blowjobs for Christmas. Santa doesn't have any to give. :(
posted by too bad you're not me at 2:55 PM on December 22, 2010

Oh, metafilter, you turned the br tags that Santa printed into actual br tags. I guess I should have seen that coming. Or looked at the preview. Is it possible to fail your own Turing test?
posted by zylocomotion at 2:56 PM on December 22, 2010

Santabot: Hello! What is your name?

Me: rhaomi

S: Hey rhaomi .

M: what do you want me to tell you?

S: Are you pretty?

M: huh?

S: What?

M: that's a weird thing to ask

S: A weird thing to ask is a terrible thing to waste.

M: what else do you want me to tell you?

S: What are you wearing?

M: what
posted by Rhaomi at 3:26 PM on December 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Are my standards getting higher or are ELIZA clones getting worse?
posted by DU at 6:32 PM on December 22, 2010

You: Santa Clause is coming to town

Santa: Um, I'm "Claus" for my friends. "Nikolaos" for all the boring adults. It's a Greek name, because I was born in the Greek town of Patara 1800 years ago. Later, I became bishop of Myra, and more later even a saint ... Saint Nikolaos - Santa Claus. You see?

Huh...
posted by parm=serial at 11:25 AM on December 23, 2010