Meanwhile, Joey Cupcakes Is Still A Free Man

January 20, 2011 2:41 PM

Fuhgedddaboutit! This morning, FBI agents conducted a multi-city raid across the Northeast, busting over 120 suspected mobsters in one of the largest raids in FBI history. The Village Voice blog helpfully provides this list of the 20 best nicknames of the suspects, including such immortals as Junior Lollipops, Tony Bagels, Jimmy Gooch, and Vinnie Carwash. They should have known something was up when the feds came looking for Joey Cupcakes.
posted by briank (66 comments total)

In Lake Tahoe, Michael sits back and relaxes, while Al Neri brings him a drink. He has settled family business.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:44 PM on January 20, 2011

Upvote for the nickname link...
posted by growabrain at 2:44 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

2. ANTHONY LICATA, also known as "Cheeks," "Anthony Firehawk," "Anthony Nighthawk," "Nighthawk" and "Firehawk"

OK, either he was into stealing tires, or he made this one up himself.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:45 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Lousy mafia hipsters with their cupcakes and their ironic tracksuits... Rot in jail, Vinnie PBR and Donnie Has-The-New-Animal-Collective-On-Vinyl-But-Frankly-Is-Kinda-Over-It.

Then there was Johnny Two-Times, we called him that 'cause he said everything twice, like "I'm gonna go get the papers, hop on my Bianchi Piste with the clutch-ass anodized component gruppo and get the papers."
posted by arto at 2:49 PM on January 20, 2011 [18 favorites]

1. JOHN HARTMANN, also known as "Lumpy," "Fatty" and "Fats"

Poor Guy. That is very insensitive.

When I was a kid I once had a school event that called for dress shoes. After school I went somewhere and changed into shorts, too bad I didn't have sneakers. I was known as "Shoes" or "The Shoes" for 10 years
posted by Ad hominem at 2:49 PM on January 20, 2011 [5 favorites]

Tony was into Native American stuff as a kid. Or comics. Either way, he found a community that accepted his love of "the handle."
posted by filthy light thief at 2:49 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wow, Luigi Manocchio finally got his due. They've only been nickel-and-diming that guy for like six years now.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:49 PM on January 20, 2011

Meanwhile, Joey Cupcakes Is Still A Free Man

Joey Pie is the new Joey Cupcakes.
posted by saturday_morning at 2:50 PM on January 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

And I used to think the Sopranos traded on stereotypes...
posted by PenDevil at 2:50 PM on January 20, 2011

Lotta guys called "Fat" something. Lumpy, though ...

DENNIS DELUCIA, also known as "Fat Dennis," "Little Dennis" and "the Beard"

I like the diversity, and the contradiction. Perhaps he either lost weight, was the son of Big Dennis, or it the mob likes to joke.


And "the Beard."
posted by filthy light thief at 2:51 PM on January 20, 2011

My understanding is that those nicknames are mostly made up by people outside the Mafia, like law enforcement and the media, and that mobsters never use them. But I can't remember where I heard it.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 2:54 PM on January 20, 2011

My understanding is that those nicknames are mostly made up by people outside the Mafia, like law enforcement and the media, and that mobsters never use them.

That makes sense.

Based on Joe Pesci's portrayal of him in Casino, Tony "The Ant" Spilotro was not the kind of guy you would call that to his face.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:59 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Tony "The Ant" Spilotro was not the kind of guy you would call that to his face.

In the book Casino, it's revealed that Silotro was given that nickname by an FBI agent who called him a 'pissant.'
posted by jonmc at 3:01 PM on January 20, 2011

Did they get Joey Bagadonuts?
posted by chillmost at 3:02 PM on January 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

Joey Cupcakes, hipster mobster.
posted by Eideteker at 3:05 PM on January 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

Obligatory link to a mafia name generator.
posted by empatterson at 3:07 PM on January 20, 2011

Joey Cupcakes, hipster mobster.

Shuddup, or he'll have you ironically whacked.
posted by jonmc at 3:09 PM on January 20, 2011 [8 favorites]

The Philly mob used to be contenders, now we got nuttin. Frankie Flowers, Chicken Man Testa, Skinny Joey..they suck.
posted by fixedgear at 3:14 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

One thing I learned the hard way: If someone in the mob gives you an insulting nickname -- never, ever go with the "sticks and stones" comeback.
posted by PlusDistance at 3:14 PM on January 20, 2011 [4 favorites]

Johnny Cupcakes does all his whackings with an authentic 1920s icepick just like the one Kid Twist used back in the day. Maybe it doesn't have all the bells and whistles of a modern mass-produced icepick, but it really gives you a feel for your victim's brainpan.
posted by Bookhouse at 3:15 PM on January 20, 2011 [22 favorites]

"Joey Cupcakes, hipster mobster."

Shuddup, or he'll have you ironically whacked.

No way, dude. We're buddies on friendster. Me and the hipster mobster.
posted by Eideteker at 3:20 PM on January 20, 2011

These guys should form a hip hop group with their alias'. It would be more fun than the Wu Tang Clan.
posted by cazoo at 3:21 PM on January 20, 2011

My grandmother called me Junior Lollipops once.

ONCE.
posted by brundlefly at 3:31 PM on January 20, 2011 [9 favorites]

Johnny Cupcakes does all his whackings with an authentic 1920s icepick just like the one Kid Twist used back in the day. Maybe it doesn't have all the bells and whistles of a modern mass-produced icepick, but it really gives you a feel for your victim's brainpan.

My steampunk garrote, let me show you it.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:32 PM on January 20, 2011 [3 favorites]

Man, if the FBI ever raids Metafilter the Village Voice is going to have a field day.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:35 PM on January 20, 2011 [10 favorites]

A whole wall of mob pictures and the FBI only wanted the one of Cupcakes? Kind makes you wonder why.

Being of curious sort I went to Yelp and checked out the reviews. To quote the first one:
I've had the pleasure of eating here 4 times through the connection of a family member. It's my favorite place to eat in Manhattan because the minute you walk through the door you feel like you're at home with old family & friends.
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 3:42 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

My favorite gangster nickname is from Portland, OR's seedier days: Blubber Maloney
posted by wcfields at 3:44 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Review for Rao's restaraunt" I meant to say, sorry I was temporarily overcome with Junior G-Man glee.
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 3:46 PM on January 20, 2011

Tonight would probably be a good night to get a table there.
posted by Bookhouse at 3:48 PM on January 20, 2011

My dad grew up in extremely rural 1940s/50s Illinois; in the words of Larry Hama, "so far below the poverty line they never realized they were poor." His best buddy growing up rejoiced in the handle "Two-Gun Mercer," earned when he literally blew the roof off the Mercer family shack fucking around with his dad's shotgun after school one day.

No one's really going to top that one for me. (And no, I have no idea what Two-Gun Mercer's Christian name was.)
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 3:49 PM on January 20, 2011

Tony Bagels poker profile
Favorite Movie: USUAL SUSPECTS
Favorite Celebrity: PACINO
If I could change anything in the world: STOP WAR AND TAXES
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:51 PM on January 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

On a more serious note, expect 120 plea bargains and maybe 5 minor convictions. This kind of thing happens all the time. Throw a ton of shit against the wall and pray an ounce or two sticks. The best the prosecutors are hoping for is that somebody rats somebody else out.
posted by Splunge at 3:53 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Funny, a co-worker of mine went out jogging in Brooklyn this morning, and was weirded out by all the choppers.

And the panicked guy who booked it past her in the morning twilight, even though no one was chasing him.

It made a lot more sense when she read the news...
posted by verb at 3:56 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Just when it seems these guys are all gone and done forever....


the FBI pulls them all back in.

And 38 more mobster shows get the greenlight on cable TV stations.

Excellent. With such a color cast of characters the stuff never gets boring or old...
posted by Skygazer at 3:58 PM on January 20, 2011

We continue to romanticize the mob, enjoying the fun names they have or assigned. We don't hear that much about the Russian and oriental mobs, still very active in the metropolitan area.
Perhaps HBO can do a series and help us love them too. Or perhaps some nice names might endear them to us.
posted by Postroad at 4:00 PM on January 20, 2011 [8 favorites]

I dunno, Asian mob would be full of Hu jokes and then people would be all mock indignant.
posted by fixedgear at 4:05 PM on January 20, 2011

Scottish gangsters just cant compete, they're called things like Kevin 'The Gerbil' Carroll and Specky* Boyd.

* insult for someone wearing spectacles, as in specky four-eyes
posted by Flitcraft at 4:18 PM on January 20, 2011

What is it that's funny about these names? Funny how? Do they amuse you? What do you mean funny?
posted by panboi at 4:18 PM on January 20, 2011 [7 favorites]

Cupcakes and mobsters. The good ole days.
posted by Sailormom at 4:43 PM on January 20, 2011

No "Two Sheds" Jackson?
posted by edgeways at 4:53 PM on January 20, 2011 [3 favorites]

A friend of mine had a certain way with the ladeez and was caught at least twice receiving oral favors in the bathroom of a nightclub. An English friend dubbed him "Wellington" since he was "always getting sucked off in bogs."
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 5:02 PM on January 20, 2011 [15 favorites]

Jimmy "The Business Man" Idiglio, Anthony "One Time" Abranka, and Tommy "Wami" O'Mira are still out there, you bunch of mother father Chinese dentists. Okay, not The Business Man. Or One Time. I guess that guy probably killed Wami too. But that guy. He's still out there.
posted by cmoj at 5:08 PM on January 20, 2011

Don't worry guys, I made bail!
posted by cjorgensen at 5:54 PM on January 20, 2011 [4 favorites]

Ah, Rhode Island strip clubs.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 6:06 PM on January 20, 2011

US Forest Service Smokejumper and Hotshot crews traditionally gave every crew member a nickname. Let's see if the Mafia can top the names of my co-workers; Pigpen, Muley, Shadey, Squeaky, Grump, Crowbar, Rosey, Sod Buster, the Whip, Prev, Bone, Corn Shucker, Queensnake (don't ask), a multitude of others - including the first female smokejumper, Nodick.
posted by X4ster at 6:12 PM on January 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

I also worked in a nickname rich environment, under the rule of Zartan, King of the Swamp People, with the likes of Tackleberry, Professor, Wookie, Swerve, 'Splain, the unfortunate Choad, Science, MacGurk, Stinky, Headwound, and Cookie Pants.

- Moose



Queensnake (don't ask)

I HAVE TO ASK
posted by louche mustachio at 6:53 PM on January 20, 2011

...and yet THE CLAMPS still somehow roams free...
posted by schmod at 6:54 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

Murderers are funny. Haha?
posted by gjc at 7:17 PM on January 20, 2011

Did they catch the Cake Boss?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:01 PM on January 20, 2011 [3 favorites]

My MeFi username is also my mafia nickname.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:15 PM on January 20, 2011

In Lake Tahoe, Michael sits back and relaxes

it was Fredo who was relaxing in Lake Tahoe.
posted by clavdivs at 8:18 PM on January 20, 2011

Chicago tradition has it that the political advice, "Vote early and vote often”, originated with Humphreys.

Described by Sam Giancana as, "the nicest guy in the mob."

Reportedly inspired the character of Tom Hagen in The Godfather books.

Murray Humphreys on gun-safety: "If you ever have to cock a gun in a man's face, kill him. If you walk away without killing him after doing that, he'll kill you the next day."

The Camel.
posted by clavdivs at 8:24 PM on January 20, 2011

Um... D'you think this dragnet operation might have had some help from Vincent "Vinny/Skinny/Mike/Mikey/Marbles" Dragonetti?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:26 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is a serious news story that shouldn't be derailed by the funny names. We should all be grateful they were apprehended even if John Ya Ya, John Big Booty and John Small Berries all evaded capture.
posted by storybored at 8:42 PM on January 20, 2011 [7 favorites]

When I was a kid I once had a school event that called for dress shoes. After school I went somewhere and changed into shorts, too bad I didn't have sneakers. I was known as "Shoes" or "The Shoes" for 10 years

This kid, whose mama went to the trouble to christen him Omar Isaah Betts.... You know, he forgets his jacket, his nose starts running and some asshole, instead of giving him a Kleenex, he calls him "Snot". So he's Snot forever. Doesn't seem fair.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 8:58 PM on January 20, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Wow, Luigi Manocchio finally got his due. They've only been nickel-and-diming that guy for like six years now."

Baby Shaks had it coming for way longer than that though. I'm glad they finally got him again. As someone who worked in a pastry cafe on Federal Hill for a number of years and ran down Atwells Avenue daily until I left Providence, I'm liking this. All those days of muttering "you'll get yours" under my breath after suffering regular nasty remarks from that man sitting on a chair outside his "office" finally seem less futile.

Also: It was humorous how livid he'd get when he was erroneously referred to as "Baby Shanks" in the press for a number of years, as though that moniker was deeply humiliating in a way that "Baby Shaks" could never be.
posted by stagewhisper at 9:41 PM on January 20, 2011 [2 favorites]

We should all be grateful they were apprehended even if John Ya Ya, John Big Booty and John Small Berries all evaded capture.

I'm ecstatic they caught John Whorfin, John Littlejohn, and John Many Jars!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:39 PM on January 20, 2011

ANTHINO RUSSO, also known as "Hootie"

However the elusive "Blowfish" got away.
posted by molecicco at 2:10 AM on January 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

Badda bing!
posted by jonesor at 2:42 AM on January 21, 2011

Chicago tradition has it that the political advice, "Vote early and vote often”, originated with Humphreys.

Those guys would apparently steal anything.

Historian James Morgan, in a 1926 publication, identified John Van Buren as the originator of the phrase, an identification supported by Laurence Urdang and Janet Braunstein. Bartlett's Familiar Quotations notes its usage in 1858, by William Porcher Miles.

posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:16 AM on January 21, 2011

This kid, whose mama went to the trouble to christen him Omar Isaah Betts.... You know, he forgets his jacket, his nose starts running and some asshole, instead of giving him a Kleenex, he calls him "Snot". So he's Snot forever. Doesn't seem fair.

Life just be that way, I guess.
posted by DangerIsMyMiddleName at 4:22 AM on January 21, 2011 [3 favorites]

My grandfather owned a bar back in the 40's, 50's and 60's. When I was a child I thought my GF was "connected", because one of his friends was called "Eddie the Eel". It was only much later that I found out that the guy's name was Eddie Eal and he drove a bakery truck.

I was mildly disappointed.
posted by Billiken at 7:32 AM on January 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

I guess "Vinnie, the dumb asshole who threatens to pay some other dumb assholes to beat the living crap out of you if you don't give him your money every month" didn't fit on the "Hi, My Name is" tag.
posted by pracowity at 9:43 AM on January 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

Those guys would apparently steal anything.
Kirth Gerson

I hope no one is looking..."well done sir"
(bows deep)
posted by clavdivs at 10:01 AM on January 21, 2011

Poastroad: Perhaps HBO can do a series and help us love them too.

Love is too strong a word. Mobsters in films, books and movies are just vehicles for morality tales. The brilliance of The Sopranos and Scorcese films is that an attempt is made at showing the moral netherlands these people inhabit, and the tension and amusement that comes from watching how these creations inhabit and manage (or fail to manage) the ambiguity and contradictions, makes for brilliant stories. Full stop.

These guys, these real wise guys, are sociopathic and scum bags, I'd say most people have no illusions of that and the nicknames reflect the irony of that.
posted by Skygazer at 10:59 AM on January 21, 2011

My favorite Mafia nickname was from a Saturday Night Live parody of the famous "introductions" scene from Goodfellas: Johnny Seven Times.

I gotta go get the papers, get the papers. Get the papers, get the papers, get the papers. Get the papers. Get the papers.
posted by Flunkie at 6:22 PM on January 21, 2011