Comments on: "Open your ass and your heart and mind will follow."

"Open your ass and your heart and mind will follow."

hermitosis — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 08:48:31 -0800

Anal Massage Goes Deeper Than You May Have Ever Imagined. A collection of very awkward sexual self-help videos, gathered by Eliot Glazer (creator of My Parents Were Awesome).

By: hypersloth

hypersloth — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 08:53:36 -0800

Christ what an nah nevermind.

By: spicynuts

spicynuts — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 08:54:30 -0800

Christ what a pedophile?? Is that what you were going to say?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 08:57:12 -0800

this post is tops.

By: Halloween Jack

Halloween Jack — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 08:58:11 -0800

I'm totally juiced now.

By: Kandarp Von Bontee

Kandarp Von Bontee — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:01:27 -0800

"He has spent an average of two hours a day making love to himself since he was a teenager." WHAT? WAHT?!

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:01:53 -0800

This post will be the end of me.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:03:41 -0800

Something about the way he says hass-oll isn't right. Also, the way he explains the hass-oll breathing it looks like he's conducting an anal sympathy symphony.

By: The 10th Regiment of Foot

The 10th Regiment of Foot — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:03:53 -0800

I'm glad someone got to the bottom of this important matter!

By: Artful Codger

Artful Codger — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:05:06 -0800

Wow. You feed yourself with that hand?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:05:29 -0800

"He has spent an average of two hours a day making love to himself since he was a teenager." This is my end. My only friend, my end.

By: hippybear

hippybear — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:08:17 -0800

This is where the ski lift drops you off, at the top of a very slippery slope leading down to the dark valley of goatse.

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:08:42 -0800

"He has spent an average of two hours a day making love to himself since he was a teenager." How does he possibly find the time? Two hours a day is a LOT of time.

By: mrbill

mrbill — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:08:55 -0800

Reminder to self: never shake hands with this guy.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:10:42 -0800

He's probably got a killer grip.

By: "Elbows" O'Donoghue

"Elbows" O'Donoghue — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:11:27 -0800

SAMWELL WAS RIGHT

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:13:03 -0800

Man, Tim and Eric just keeps getting weirder.

By: chavenet

chavenet — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:13:08 -0800

End well?

By: clavdivs

clavdivs — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:13:37 -0800

FIRE IN THE WHOLE

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:15:02 -0800

something something prostate before.

By: mosk

mosk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:16:16 -0800

Rectum? Damn near killed him!

By: LD Feral

LD Feral — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:16:38 -0800

I just read metafilter for the comments... yeah.

By: Slack-a-gogo

Slack-a-gogo — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:17:29 -0800

Laughgasm is a yoga technique? I could have sworn it was an 80's comedy club.

By: cjorgensen

cjorgensen — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:17:31 -0800

The first person that says this needs a NSFW tag needs this post to find their head.

By: yeloson

yeloson — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:17:34 -0800

The only non-sexual time I've heard of anal massage, outside of medical prostate reasons, was someone having injured their coccyx and needing it put back into place. The instructor who explained that didn't make it sound like a fun process. Never, though, have I heard that "high levels of well being" requiring "500-1000 anal 'breaths' a day".

By: londonmark

londonmark — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:18:23 -0800

Surely this falls in the same category as frog-raping monkeys?

By: pjaust

pjaust — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:18:50 -0800

There was a young man from Nantucket...

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:19:21 -0800

an oldie but a goodie from the early internet.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:21:26 -0800

Mr. Show reference

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:22:53 -0800

"He has spent an average of two hours a day making love to himself since he was a teenager." Yeah. He is just applying himself.

By: AElfwine Evenstar

AElfwine Evenstar — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:24:50 -0800

Is this for real?

By: sidesh0w

sidesh0w — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:30:17 -0800

NOT CLICKING NOT CLICKING NOT CLICKING

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:35:09 -0800

Also I'd like to thank hermitosis for ruining this song forever with the post title.

By: auto-correct

auto-correct — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:37:32 -0800

Surely this falls in the same category as frog-raping monkeys? Self-love is consensual.

By: The 10th Regiment of Foot

The 10th Regiment of Foot — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:39:26 -0800

Self-love is consensual. Perhaps not when you are an obsessive compulsive like this two-hour phenom!

By: Mr. Bad Example

Mr. Bad Example — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:42:19 -0800

"He has spent an average of two hours a day making love to himself since he was a teenager." WHAT? WAHT?! In the butt.

By: Combustible Edison Lighthouse

Combustible Edison Lighthouse — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:44:12 -0800

Self-love is consensual. I was asleep at the time.

By: Sir Cholmondeley

Sir Cholmondeley — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:46:03 -0800

From the fourth video: "I learned to teach when I was a member of the Jesuits..." Yeah, that explains it all, right there.

By: me3dia

me3dia — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:48:19 -0800

This guy's a professional twice over -- an analyst and a therapist.

By: Xurando

Xurando — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:48:39 -0800

Open your ass and your heart and mind will follow?? Definitely sounds like Metafilter.

By: sonika

sonika — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:56:04 -0800

Looks like The MetaFilter Effect has spared me the horrors of actually having to watch this. Site's down. OH SAVED FROM MYSELF AGAIN.

By: MuChao

MuChao — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 09:57:29 -0800

Sometimes we're lucky when we get here late and MeFi's already overwhelmed a server. Main link: Our servers are over capacity and certain pages may be temporarily unavailable. We're incredibly sorry for the inconvenience.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 10:01:04 -0800

Everyone's all "OH NO I'M NOT CLICKING THAT!" But really, they are.

By: fixedgear

fixedgear — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 10:04:10 -0800

My Parents Were Awesome got a fucking blog to book deal. I'm gonna guess that this will not.

By: oneirodynia

oneirodynia — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 10:06:45 -0800

Also I'd like to thank hermitosis for ruining this song forever with the post title. I think the song is improved by hermitosis' post title. Though I still don't want to listen to it.

By: zippy

zippy — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 10:13:43 -0800

This post is so spot on, it's really pegged the topic.

By: pianomover

pianomover — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 10:32:26 -0800

Therapist = The rapist.

By: Splunge

Splunge — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 10:38:25 -0800

..."high levels of well being" requiring "500-1000 anal 'breaths' a day". The wife practices this. At night. In bed. But she only exhales, for some reason.

By: cmoj

cmoj — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 11:01:40 -0800

"He has spent an average of two hours a day making love to himself since he was a teenager." My high school counselor did not notify me of this career option.

By: KirkJobSluder

KirkJobSluder — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 11:33:09 -0800

There's something charming, cute, and funny about the effort to make spiritual sacraments out of good old dirty kinks.

By: The otter lady

The otter lady — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 11:39:27 -0800

I accidentally the hole.

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 12:00:29 -0800

I would like to congratulate everyone so far for not conflating anal massage and my parents. Oops

By: tommasz

tommasz — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 12:45:16 -0800

All things considered, this thread has gone as well as can be expected.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 13:47:55 -0800

All things considered, this thread has gone as well as can be expected. Yeah, I was expecting a real shit storm.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 14:28:40 -0800

lol. butts.

By: Twang

Twang — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 14:55:21 -0800

Ummmm ya know what, I think I'll just grab a couple tokes and watch the old VHS tape of Woodstock again, thanks anyway.

By: binturong

binturong — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 15:17:05 -0800

"He has spent an average of two hours a day making love to himself since he was a teenager." And to think he could have been practicing on the piano instead.

By: hippybear

hippybear — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 15:25:37 -0800

And to think he could have been practicing on the piano instead. Oh, one can theoretically practice piano for several hours a day during high school and still have a rather copious self-love routine. Theoretically, of course. I wouldn't know anything about actually having that kind of routine. Not me, not during high school. No way.

By: zippy

zippy — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 18:44:15 -0800

Oh, one can theoretically practice piano for several hours... Relevant?

By: gorgor_balabala

gorgor_balabala — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 20:00:54 -0800

REAL MEN FIND REAL UTOPIAS

By: spitefulcrow

spitefulcrow — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 23:00:16 -0800

This guy's a professional twice over -- an analyst and a therapist. So he's an analrapist?

By: funkiwan

funkiwan — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 01:23:11 -0800

"Anal breaths" will now become my new favorite euphemism.

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 10:10:33 -0800

OK, so I actually went back after the first round of lulz and watched all the videos and what really strikes me about this is that Eliot Glazer is a jerk. Yes, it's kind of weird that Dr. Kramer is so insistent on saying "asshole" instead of "anus" (and yes, "My Parents Were Awesome" was a pretty great idea, the questionable merit of a tumblr-to-book be damned) and his affect is unusual, but I'm sick of the easy and pervasive joke that is alternative-sexuality shaming.* It takes big fucking balls to say "I enjoy something that other people think is weird, even though it's totally harmless" and to be an advocate for loving your self (or, whatever, "making love to yourself") even though it's inevitably going to be a magnet for Internet gawkery and homophobia-by-proxy. I'm pretty damn vanilla; I tried going to an all-male naked yoga class a few years ago before admitting that I just had certain boundaries to confront about personal space and was never going to be perfectly comfortable there. But I don't begrudge anyone else who enjoys it the experience. I'm glad it exists. I'm glad Dr. Kramer is out there and that maybe his video/program/thing will help someone out there get over their mind-rending hangups. I mean, really, Eliot? "Nightmare goggles" for videos of talking heads and footage of naked men from the waist up? Roy and Suz are brave. Chester seems like an earnest guy. Annie Sprinkle is fucking awesome. The actual lulz here are about as potent as a limp dick. *Yeah, so I like doofy acronyms. Ass is great, ASS is a social cancer.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 11:59:03 -0800

I disagree on the count that the people who traffic in these sorts of alternative-sexuality ideas know perfectly well how ridiculous they or their ideas seem to everyday people, and most of them have an incredibly good sense of humor about it. You can't shame the shameless. And c'mon, "ORGABUMPS"? I mean, hurray for people for unlocking their own sexuality, but incredibly personal sexual stories told for any reasons OTHER than arousing people are always going to sound really weird and make most people cringe. The "ZOMG I have to share this with the WORLD" aspect of people's sexual awakenings is always fascinating to me, and I suspect that's at the root of Glazer's interest too, underneath the cracks about "nightmare goggles" etc.

By: Jacqueline

Jacqueline — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 16:42:33 -0800

"How does he possibly find the time? Two hours a day is a LOT of time." Most people spend twice that watching TV. He probably enjoys his pastime more.

By: MexicanYenta

MexicanYenta — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 21:03:17 -0800

"I have relaxed and healed my asshole" [insert ex-husband joke here]

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 04:39:33 -0800

I disagree on the count that the people who traffic in these sorts of alternative-sexuality ideas know perfectly well how ridiculous they or their ideas seem to everyday people I guess my umbrage stems from the fact that the people they're trying to reach are going to shy away from anything that receives so much mockery, and that (on a completely different level) if you're going to engage in that mockery, funny > lazy. This is lazy.