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the lifeblood of our business
For instance, today our customer experience team works a regular eight-hour shift, not 12. We supply our employees with laptops, they don't use their own. And we don't ask prospective employees to work a trial day before they are hired. Was it always this way? No. And when Amanda says she applied nearly a year and a half ago, our company was newer, smaller and still figuring out best practices. In short, things are different today than they were then.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:02 AM on October 22, 2014

“Can I do anything to help?” - “Trade kids with me.”
Of course it's not justifiable to murder your [autistic] kid. I feel like there's always a missing term here, though - what does it do to a person to be under incredible stress and in fear of violence for years and to have no hope of it ending ever, since your child will never be able to live on her own and will virtually certainly outlive you? What does it do when it is controversial to say that you hate getting hit... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:10 AM on October 21, 2014
I have an autistic, sometimes abusive child. He's 12, and the mind-breaking stress doesn't really let up. He's almost as tall as I am and strong enough to hurt me if he wants. If I felt that I were at a breaking point where it was starting to seem like a good idea to commit murder to get out of this situation, I would call 911 on myself as the person who's the danger to herself and others. Even if they decided I was an unfit parent and took him away, that would be better than him being... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:32 AM on October 21, 2014
It seems to me as if what autistic people and advocates for autism are worried about in these conversations might have to do with the pre-existing lack of "normalizing"/positive/complex portrayals of autistic people in our culture, so that it's easy for there to be slippage between "I can see what a terrible situation this is for a caregiver and how someone might make a terrible decision when they're experiencing basically PTSD" and "autistic people... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:36 AM on October 22, 2014

Unique taste — and the capacity to avoid the basic — is a privilege.
Oh God. And the speed with which this is happening is amazing. I am so sick of hearing soccer moms and Dockers-wearing dads say "that's how I roll." Jesus Christ, would those people fuck off.

The thing is, I think that kind appropriation actually hinges on both memory and racism - people maintain this vague, nebulous knowledge that it's some kind of "rap" or "hippety hop" slang or whatever, and there's... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:31 AM on October 21, 2014

When you meet a stranger, look at his shoes.
IMO, it's difficult to compare US-made shoes like Aldens and AE and Walkover and Rancourt to English-made shoes. English lasts and sizing are different, for one thing - you can take a brogue boot from Alden and it will be...um...blobbier and more loosely constructed than an English brogue boot, and no matter what they tell you, an English shoe is not exactly 1/2 a size smaller than its US size equivalent. I prefer English shoes because I wear a UK 7.5,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:31 PM on October 20, 2014
(For the sake of clarification - all my fancy shoes are second (if not third) hand. I still spend too much on shoes, yes, but not that much too much.)
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:46 PM on October 20, 2014
So... say I'm in London for another week and I wear a US women's size 7.5 and love queer/gentlemanly shoes in my size that hold up forever. Do these brands make stuff that small? The folks selling Aldens laughed at me when I asked in Michigan, sigh.

Crockett Jones and Trickers have women's lines - call the shops, I mean the Jermyn street shops.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 5:17 AM on October 21, 2014
If I am spending £200-300 on a pair of shoes I expect them to be made to measure. Is that a reasonable expectation, or would I have to pay more for that?

That's not quite possible how you mean it. Truly made-to-measure shoes require the creation of a last that mimics the actual shape of your individual foot, and then the shoe is sewn to fit. Think of all the work, even if you could use some kind of scanning process to create the last! In general,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:52 AM on October 21, 2014

Streaming Music Has Left Me Adrift
If you haven’t heard them, statistics suggest that you will enjoy their cover of “I Heard It Through the Grapevine” and nothing else.

Indeed. (I mean, I like "Shoplifting" and "New Town" a lot.)

I have lost my ability to find cool new music on a regular basis, because finding cool new music stopped being about going to the record shop or reading articles and became about setting up a pandora or spotify or... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:23 AM on October 20, 2014
(I mean, I just can't hear new music the way people who are tuned in hear it - there's obviously a lot of there there, but I can't access it.)
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:25 AM on October 20, 2014
Actually, there is this shock that I can't get over - that people who are not otherwise intellectually serious or left-wing have good taste in music. That really was not true in my social circles when I was growing up. I preemptively distrust most widely accessible writing about music because....I mean, when I was growing up there were intellectually serious and left wing people who didn't have good taste in music but... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:35 AM on October 20, 2014

I kind of think this is how people who were 40 in 1996 felt about 25-year-old me's love of Belle and Sebastian; like "you LIKE this? This stuff with strings tenderness that sounds like the worst of the 70s easy-listening music we developed punk and new wave to overthrow?"

This is actually what a friend (and age-peer) says to me about Belle and Sebastian all the time today. But now the kids today don't find... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:29 AM on October 20, 2014
Everyone is just astounded when they and their friends get old.

For me it was that my parents had this whole narrative of "Frowner you are so old, you are Too Old for [trick-or-treating at 12; going back to school at 24; behavior that would not be suitable to a middle-aged woman in 1960 at all ages]" that for a long time I thought I was already old. I've been thinking that I was "too old" and apologizing for doing various things... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:49 AM on October 20, 2014
Part of the grim surprise is the way that the age of your music collection creeps up on you.

No, the trick is to have been collecting old music from the very beginning. Then your music collection has always been old. Although when I first bought a copy of Sandinista! it was only ten years old and now it is 34, old enough to have had little babies in the shape of The Sandinista Project, etc.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:29 AM on October 20, 2014
I'm not sure if you mean "cool new music" as in "just released" or as in "new to you" here but the most fun I have in record stores these days is hunting through old stuff I've never heard of before.

In this instance "music that is actually new". I have no trouble a-tall finding music that is new to me but not actually new - that's where the music-splosion of the now comes in so handy.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 2:44 PM on October 20, 2014

Buy now, pay forever
I wonder if in bigger cities people could do a furniture co-op of some kind and buy from the manufacturers and sell at cost-plus-renting-a-distribution-space.

As far as this ""$1500 sofa" business goes - part of what frosts me about these businesses is that I don't think they're selling $1500 sofas for $4500 - you can get a couple of Design Within Reach (which is ultra-pricey) models for the low $2000s, and Design Within Reach (lol,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:47 AM on October 18, 2014

We still have no idea what we are doing, but it keeps getting better
Oh god, if you are planning an "unconventional" tour where you stop at houses and community spaces, etc, don't think that you can basically be all "we would like to play your space, would you set up a show for us" and try to make the house/space be your tour organizers. There is a particular community space with which I am familiar where people - many of them very nice! - seem to do this all the time. They really expect that the space has the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:28 AM on October 18, 2014

Birth Control
I imagine that if your basic financial life trajectory is "broke and working a shitty, precarious job", then adding a couple of kids and just getting broker and more precarious doesn't seem that bad on the face of it, plus then [assuming you want kids] you have kids. If your life trajectory is more "live in an okay place, have some disposable income and savings and don't have kids" versus "fall into precarity and have kids", that creates some really different... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:25 AM on October 17, 2014
And then I started wondering - exactly what is this downswing in the birthrate going to do to Social Security 20-something years from now when I retire?

Of course, one could just allow in a bunch more legal immigrants, who are very often in their prime working years and can contribute generously to social security. But then immigrants, etc. Luckily the methane flumes will probably have done for humanity by the time I'm old enough to retire, so there's always that.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:46 AM on October 17, 2014
(That's why Frowner emphasized "legal immigrants

I emphasized legal immigrants mostly because I wanted to highlight that the attitude toward immigration needs to change - there will be undocumented people here (so I really should have said "documented") no matter what because people have all kinds of reasons for needing to cross borders. It would be a lot easier and neater to have people able to get documents, that's all.)
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:53 PM on October 17, 2014

Guardian/Whisper
How does anyone delude themselves into thinking that any company anywhere has their best interests at heart?

This isn't exactly the question that I have, because since so many people do it, it's obviously not just "lol some people are so stupid amirite". I do often wonder about the social forces that shaped me into a "what? share potentially awful secrets on some rando ap that... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:02 PM on October 16, 2014

I think most people have the entirely correct understanding that they're too boring and unimportant for anyone at Whisper itself to try and blackmail, and that the people they know in real life who might be enticed to do so are far too technologically inept to obtain Whisper's data


Maybe this is activist background stuff or maybe it's "being a sad little outcast who was bullied" stuff, but it occurs to me that my understanding... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:44 PM on October 16, 2014

Bobby drank too much and fell in the Clyde
Everyone is always from Glasgow - Alisdair Gray, Orange Juice, Charles Rennie Mackintosh, everyone. It's awful.

Some time in the next two years I plan to visit Scotland so that I can see for myself whether, like, Edinburgh and so on even exist.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:02 AM on October 16, 2014
Oh my goodness.

members of which now run the excellent Sparklehorse Pub. Luminaries of Glasgow's music scene can often be spotted there - and they run a indie baby disco afternoon once a month.

I've had a slight uptick in my financial situation recently and I'd thought about trying seriously to save up for a trip to Scotland in two or three years....but I think I'm going to figure out a way to start saving right now, so that I... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:05 PM on October 16, 2014

"something so stable about our school was about to change"
I don't know - as a masculine-of-center person who does not identify as a woman, I am really uneasy when trans men and other trans masculine people not only assert our right to be in women's spaces but consciously or unconsciously take advantage of the benefits accorded to men . I'm always saying that I wish I could get some of this over-valuing that transmasculine people are supposed to receive in some circles, but I am not sure that I would want that kind of overvaluing if... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 5:55 PM on October 15, 2014
I mean, I have in many respects gotten used to occupying the social position of "woman". I see the flyers for the cis and trans women's bike repair nights, for instance, and it takes me a minute to remember that I can't go - realistically, no one would say me nay because they know me and don't gender-check in that way, but the truth is that I am not a woman, and even if I'm a poor example of manliness, I don't belong in women-exclusive spaces.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 5:57 PM on October 15, 2014
That's what confused me (cis male, so in many ways doesn't matter what I think) about this. If it's a safe space for women, it's a safe space for women. If you're a trans man, you're not a woman, isn't that sort of the whole point of how everyone is supposed to approach trans issues? I am reminded of the, whatsit, Michigan Womyn thing.

To me, as someone with what my excellent therapist described as a "complicated gender", I think that there... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:50 AM on October 16, 2014
I think college is a little different both because it's all-encompassing and four years long (so you could easily start college thinking, as lots of the guys in the article did, that you weren't sure if you wanted to transition, weren't ready to transition or just weren't trans at all) and because it's higher-stakes. If I'm all "oh, the women's bike night isn't for me", well, there are lots of equivalent hobbies and spaces, and while some of them may be transphobic... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:40 AM on October 16, 2014

“I just don’t buy into the nonsense about discrimination.”

The woman with the tattoos ... I just don't know. To act like your conscious decisions to modify your appearance are comparable to being non-white is bizarre. Yes, you "like to" change your appearance that way, but you did have a choice in the matter, and pretending that you didn't know you'd be stared at and treated differently when you had a HUGE SKULL tattooed on your neck? Seriously? I used to think the same kind of thing when I had dyed hair and more visible
... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:26 PM on October 15, 2014
That can be really tough, especially if you ancestry is spread across many countries. I have Irish, British and Bavarian ancestry, and though I do look shockingly similar to Ludwig II I feel no real connection to any of those countries. My roots have been in the USA for so long that for me to suddenly start identifying with, say, Irish customs (beyond drinking green beer) would feel fraudulent. So I'm left with just feeling American.

I'm totally... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 2:28 PM on October 15, 2014

We could use a few pointers on prudence.
Furthermore, I know the intended vaccination coverage has changed. For most of my life, vaccination against influenza was only strongly recommended for at-risk groups (Elderly, otherwise ill, health care workers, etc. ) It's only recently that we've change to "everybody, every year."

Yeah, I've only had a flu shot for the past couple of years because I had gotten it into my head that young and not-at-risk groups were not supposed to be... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:59 AM on October 15, 2014
The one time I definitely had a bad flu, I was in Shanghai and I was so sick. I picked it up on the train coming back from Beijing at New Year's and I was all alone in the teacher housing. I was in my early twenties and probably healthier than I've ever been - thinner, fitter, better-fed - but there was about 24 hours where I was genuinely scared that I would have to crawl down the corridor and down the stairs and out to the concierge apartment and just... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:50 AM on October 15, 2014

"the mainstreaming of Dadaism"
I saw the early nineties Koons exhibit with the photos of him having sex. (And I saw it with my parents, for which we all should have received a medal.) It was way too much Koons at one time. I also saw the Fluxus exhibit around the same time. Either the Fluxus exhibit contained a bunch of Yoko Ono's Fluxus work exhibited all together or there was another exhibit of that shortly thereafter, I don't quite remember.

I end up... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:03 AM on October 15, 2014

My deli meats contain trade secrets?
Oh my god, the guy in the first photo is a good friend of mine - now moved on to bigger and better things. He worked with some managers who were super sketch - always making people work sick, for one thing, which is not what you want when they are, like, breathing into your food.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:15 PM on October 14, 2014

To #Hashtag or Not To #Hashtag
The worst real-life example of this I've ever seen

....was a production of Moliere for high school students with rap interludes. This was in the early nineties, a production by a (completely white and very obviously not part of any burgeoning French hip-hop scene) French theater company visiting the US. It was the worst. I still remember some of the interludes, since they were so spectacularly bad. It was my... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:31 AM on October 14, 2014
(Also, I don't even remember which Moliere it was. Tartuffe, maybe? But I remember the interludes.)
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:32 AM on October 14, 2014

"I guess everybody has something they’re not very grown-up about."
I loved so many of her books. I never read The Witches of Worm because it seemed too, too sad to me even when I was little.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:03 AM on October 14, 2014

Congratulations! Now You're Both Jerks!
Yes I do not care for Wolverine's claws.

The way to handle this conversation is thusly:

"Oh, yeah, I would love to have claws" or "No, I would not want to have claws because [reasons]" or "oh, no, I totally loathe Wolverine" or "yeah, I'm super interested in clawed characters - have you ever read [either Neuromancer or The Female Man depending on your audience] - I always wonder if... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:37 AM on October 10, 2014
I like the characterization in Mona Lisa Overdrive much better than in Neuromancer. I think of her as Sally all the time, sorry.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:15 AM on October 10, 2014
If I were on a date with someone who wanted stupid claws instead of being able to control the weather or teleport or be a powerful telepath, the argument would be about them being an idiot, not whether or not the claws are a mutation.

If I were on a date with someone who had not considered the whole matter of the nonexistence of the unified subject and the general messiness and incoherence of thinking and the fact that being a... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:23 AM on October 10, 2014
(Or "headcanon"...headcannon might be painful.)
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:31 AM on October 10, 2014
It really depends on the kind of life you want and on how much you think having your power will change you from where you are now. Like, for me the most useful power would certainly be the healing factor, because I am a giant horrible hypochondriac and just the knowledge that I wasn't going to die of an infected papercut would free up so much mental space that...who knows what I might accomplish? Whereas if I suddenly became able to manipulate the weather, etc, all that... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:55 AM on October 10, 2014
It's funny - I've had this basic exchange *so many times too many* with my [person of intense and amorous interest] but really one of the first reasons I knew she was awesome is that we could talk weird minutiae all day, about anything. I guess not everybody is a nit picker. Have we learned nothing from the apes? Picking nits is a social activity!

The issue isn't "being right"; it's that "being right" exists in a particular context... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:45 AM on October 10, 2014
Honestly, it was a comment in metafilter where for the first time I realized that some people really get upset at being corrected on matters of fact. This blew my mind that it could cause such offense. I still don't understand it, but now I know such an attitude exists.

But people are wrong all the time.

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn in teaching (and, to be honest, in my other relationships) is... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:55 AM on October 10, 2014
Not being "a top nerd" - being Top Nerd, the top of the pecking order. Being "a top nerd" might be desirable; being Top Nerd just means that you've been enough of a bully and a dick to the people around you that they get scared and fuddled in your presence and let you get away with shit.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:00 PM on October 10, 2014
Man, bone claws don't even make sense to me! They come out of his very first set of knuckles!

This has always been my problem with Wolverine. Where do the claws go when they are not extended? There is nowhere for them to go! This is precisely the kind of thing that keeps me awake of nights. Also why does Magneto's helmet need to cover his entire head but not the front of his face? It should either be a mere circlet of metal or entirely head-covering.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:56 PM on October 10, 2014

Sex is sex, but money is money.
I think that a lot of critique of sex work hinges on a belief in a stereotypical and unlikely kind of "romance". No one would be saying that this girl is damaged or too transactional or whatever if she'd let some clown persuade her into getting married and having a baby at twenty while he was cheating on her, gone into debt for her wedding and then gotten dumped/abandoned by the clown who doesn't make enough money consistently enough to pay child support. That woman would have made... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 5:06 AM on October 10, 2014
Possibly so, but I could pretty definitely say that about her banker clients as well, but we regard that as a moral flaw of the system. you might be able to get pretty far with screwed up ideas about sex and money (eg, Eliot Spitzer), but it's not considered a healthy way to live.

I was thinking this morning about how screwed up my own ideas about sex and money are...or really, sex and value. And I didn't get hundreds of thousands... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:02 AM on October 10, 2014

The Cafeteria Wars
It sounds as though a core problem is the way lunch is served in schools - kids get very little time for lunch (25 minutes to get food, eat, toss food away), schools may not even have actual full-service kitchens and (if my experience is anything to go by) they are woefully understaffed. So yeah, if the choice is between frozen pizza (which is at least sort of palatable when heated in an industrial oven and is quick to serve and quick to eat) and a tray full of random... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:28 PM on October 9, 2014

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