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"I wish girls were attracted to me. I don’t know why they aren’t."
A thing: when you say " a lot of men hate women", I have noticed that men often respond by saying "oh, that's not true, men want to have sex, men want to have relationships, how can they do that and still hate women?" But the thing is, it's perfectly possible to want to have a relationship or sex and still hate women. I think a lot of men actually do hate women, like, really hate them. And the reason that stuff like this shooting won't be recognized as a… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:35 AM on May 25, 2014
I have seen a few posts from people taken from online discussions and reposted on Twitter for mockery. Many of them say that this is the fault of women - that we aren't nice enough, are too quick to dismiss disaffected young men. And that's made me second-guess myself. If I was nicer to the weird misogynistic racist guy, would he have been less misogynistic and racist? If I turned someone down, will they develop bitterness that leads to rage, and could I have prevented that by allowing… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:35 AM on May 29, 2014
(Oh, a key feature at the time was an atmosphere of emergency - "we don't have time for your gender issues now, what is important is stopping [Big Local Quite Genuinely Very Bad Thing]". Women being safe and "feminine" things not being despised - that was positioned as trivial. Which is how I think it works in many strongly ideologized communities - academia, the church, financial institutions - where gender stuff is positioned as less… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:38 AM on May 29, 2014
Perhaps the mens could listen to each other rather than insist that women listen to them. Such woman as feel, at any given point, that they are in the mood for a little feminism 101 can listen to the mens - and who among us is not occasionally 101-ing on this topic? But as a broad generality the sort of reasoning which runs "well, if [oppressed group] does not categorically commit to [listening to/teaching/etc] their oppressors, why then we will never have any change" just seems… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 5:53 PM on May 29, 2014
To continue, actually - I think that getting to a point where we-as-privileged/as-oppressors can manage our feelings and not demand attention/validation from the people we're privileged over - that's some pretty important emotional work right there. When we are in positions of privilege, we're used to the experience of others centering our feelings, treating what we say as important, validating us, praising us when we're good, etc. We're used to our feelings being everyone's… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 5:58 PM on May 29, 2014
And a third thing (if I may, and then I'll knock it off): I think men do need to have some clumsy, uncomfortable conversations full of "OMG I never realized that" moments and "actually male privilege is real" and "wow, imagine how awful it must be to [experience Thing]". I think those conversations are absolutely okay, partly because I have had the White Person Equivalent conversations and they have been very, very helpful to… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:08 PM on May 29, 2014

Alternate Visions
Thanks for posting that essay! I really like her work, and what a great list of writers - even now, I feel like it can be difficult to find work by writers of color and writers from outside the US or sometimes even find out lists of names.

On the subject of science fiction written by people who are not white dudes from the US, I was just recently reading this interesting essay in the DePauw Science Fiction Studies journal - Future Histories and Cyborg Labor: Reading… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:33 AM on May 27, 2014

My team worked for months on this post.
Talk about an expense of spirit in a waste of shame. I understand capitalism, I understand why this is, like, a career (although I hope all those kids get benefits and aren't just contractors) but jesus god, shilling for a corporation in tightly-crafted 140-character bursts? That's your life? 24-7 working for....camembert? Mediocre camembert? So cheap and real phony, indeed.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:28 AM on May 27, 2014

More like the Internet of Surveillance
I'm not sure how it works in the UK, but in the US, employer-sponsored health insurance charges everyone the same premiums. A subsidy for going to the gym 4 times a week would effectively be a back-door rate increase on women and parents of young children, as well as many with disabilities.

My employer, here in the US, has implemented a "Wellness Program" where, if you earn enough points, you get lower premiums. I looked into this and I… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:50 AM on May 27, 2014
Plus, I add, the discount wouldn't even pay for gym membership!
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:51 AM on May 27, 2014

“How can India stop people urinating in public?”
I assume women just...hold it until they get home? Since public urination doesn't seem to be so much an option? While peeing in front of everyone and potentially messing up the drinking water is bad, it also strikes me as bad that women appear to have no option, not even that.

Of course, here in the wealthy west, we are busy getting rid of public conveniences, just in case some homeless person or one of the poors might use one.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 3:20 PM on May 26, 2014

No helmet? No Problem.
After many years of helmetless biking, I switched to wearing a helmet this year - it was a combination of social pressure (since I got tired of having the "but statistics suggest" argument with my friends), worry about police response if I were hit and helmetless (since someone from my larger social circle was killed by a drunk driver and then blamed in the media for biking helmetless) and the fact that I have gone over the handlebars three times in the past couple of years, hitting my… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:52 AM on May 22, 2014
Cyclists should not be able to roll through stop signs and red lights in urban environments because, HELLO, there are pedestrians with the right of way and the reasonable expectation that someone is not going to mow them down because "it is more efficient not to stop." Visibility is often compromised by trucks and vans parked at intersections. I can't count the number of times I've nearly been clipped by cyclists when I had the walk signal or was at a stop sign. And, for the… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:55 AM on May 22, 2014

Re: helmet: I dunno, doesn't this fall under the same sort of thing as seatbelt laws? Seems like as much a good-of-society thing (traumatic brain injuries having much higher monetary and social costs than a new helmet)

There are substantial external costs to helmet laws - there's a public health ding because they reduce cycling by 30-50% and there's a law enforcement issue since cops need to be out stopping cyclists and since… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:05 PM on May 22, 2014

Frowner: hmm, ok. Putting aside whether or not they are effective, am I correct as to the rationale behind the laws?

I have no idea what the rationale behind the laws is! (And the linked articles either give or link to all the information that I cited, in case you want more details.) My guess is the rationale is "social", as you say, but combined with utopian thinking ("of course these laws will be easy to… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:20 PM on May 22, 2014
Can you point me to a link? the article is far from convincing on this point.

This page outlines a couple of studies. That said, it seems like there are some contradictory studies elsewhere on the internet. It seems like one of those things that would really, really benefit from well-funded non-partisan research, because it should be possible to find out, and finding out seems pretty important.

I am no statistician… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:58 PM on May 22, 2014
My dad's best friend got to live on through organ donation doing just this. Been about 15 years now.

Yes, of course. And I know someone young and otherwise healthy who was badly injured by a fall in the shower, and my mother knew someone who was wearing a helmet on her first ever use of rollerblades and crashed and died despite the helmet. Honestly, "something very, very bad happened to one person out of many who do this thing,… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:04 PM on May 22, 2014
(just while we're all on the "all cyclists are different" kick - I do the weird awkward skateboard like start thing because I have some residual stiffness in my joints and some balance problems from a childhood illness plus a trick hip, and it's much much easier for me in terms of moving my legs.)
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:02 PM on May 23, 2014

The Mother of All Self Links?
I like the wonky old-school interface used here. It's easy to read lots of content and it's easy to scroll through. No infinite/perpetually-loading scroll, no blinky things on the sides. I sincerely hope that this shake-up doesn't con anyone into messing with the site design.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 2:12 PM on May 22, 2014

I think it's just that some people have one album in them, just like some writers have one novel in them, or two, or three. They have one thing to say, and they say it (hopefully really well) and that's....that. I'm not sure why, maybe they've just said it so completely that they themselves don't really have anything to add.

I think about writers who've had very long careers with very high quality work throughout - let's take Doris Lessing and Samuel Delany - and… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:01 AM on May 22, 2014

"By our unpaid labor and suffering..."
When folks are all "but if we pay reparations to African-Americans, what about Native people, what about.....etc, etc" my thought is "sure, why not"? Why not figure out some sort of reparation for everyone? Why not shake things up? We fought an entire series of bullshit engagements in the Middle East justified by a bunch of lies this past decade....and we can always find the money for that. We can find money for the… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:44 AM on May 22, 2014

First misery, then boredom, then anxiety
I like this a lot. One of the things I like about it is the tone - very often, this type of piece is written in a tone (not a vocabulary) that makes me feel excluded, like it's for, you know, cool revolutionary people (or white rich people in their early twenties!) only. I can't quite put my finger on what creates this tone, but I noticed immediately that this piece was not written in it and did not make me think "yeah well all this radical theory obviously isn't for people like me,… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:08 AM on May 22, 2014

Field testing
This is a good reminder - the community center where I volunteer needs to establish a "no Google Glass [or similar device]" policy pretty soon, before these things get more common. We also need to front and center our "no recording without permission" policy - in theory, that covers many of the drawbacks of Google Glass, but we have a lot of vulnerable people around and we don't want to create the feeling that someone could be recording them or being stalky in some other way… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:57 AM on May 21, 2014
Honestly, for me I'm far less worried about clandestine recording than the normalization of recording. If some creep comes in to the place I volunteer and he wants to record people clandestinely, that's really bad news - and we would have to totally redo our security practices if that happened. But what I worry about is the glassification of everything so that when we say "don't record, this is private", people are just like "what the fuck,… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:25 AM on May 21, 2014
Glass is more likely to be a problem for me on a subway or in a Starbucks because, whoops, I wore a skirt or a scoop neck T-shirt and I bent over to pick up some litter. Tease.

I find myself wondering how ubiquitous personalized surveillance is going to change our whole experience of embodiment. In the past couple of years, I've found myself much more aware of how I am sitting or standing, whether what I am reading is visible to people, whether an… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:05 AM on May 21, 2014
It's not knowing, it's normalization. Right now, even though there's reddit creepshots and so on, a guy who does that is a gross asshole and his victims have some social traction. When it's totally normal to be filming people without permission all the time, all of the sudden everyone's body is a public body all the time and there's no social traction for pushback.

"Oh, it will just be a new social norm!" Yeah, that's… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:12 PM on May 21, 2014
(What I was trying to say, I think, is that the more socially vulnerable people are, the more need they are likely to have to compartmentalize their lives and maintain some privacy, and the more blowback privacy violations are likely to have. Someone who is wealthy and privileged will be less vulnerable to Stuff Being Revealed and will be less likely to have ordinary but disastrous secrets - the low wage worker with a chronic illness can be fired as a bad risk to their… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:41 PM on May 21, 2014

Babies & Toddlers: Social circle killers - also uber manipulative

Speaking as someone who never had kids, it seems like if people gave serious thought to what it means to have kids and raise them to adulthood, the population rate would plummet. I'm amazed and frequently shocked by the cynical-to-hateful things people say about their harried/frustrated/asexual lives as parents and their ungrateful/poorly-behaved/lazy/etc. kids while chatting around the water cooler/coffeepot. (Similar to the shocking things married people will blurt out to
… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:27 AM on May 21, 2014

At least someone can afford to pay down their debts.
Now, they don't list how many folks left jobs. But, what roles are those 670 people doing ? I know the conservative riff is "gender and diversity specialist", but really, 670 administrators ?

Well, it seems reasonable that you'd be hiring more "administrators" than faculty (although that ratio is pretty terrible) because they usually lump in secretaries, grants administration, accountants, the person who manages memberships at the… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:30 AM on May 19, 2014

My only concern about weeding is that...well, I am interested in old stuff. I'm interested in old small press and regional stuff in particular - I collect, for example, feminist science fiction from the seventies and eighties wherever I find it. I'm also interested in left-wing novels set in radical political milieux, regardless of quality. And in a bunch of other similar stuff where the point of looking at the thing is not "my goodness, this is just as entertaining as Harry Potter!… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:06 AM on May 17, 2014
If a book is unread in a library, does it provide information?

How often does a book have to be read to be valuable?

If a library houses, say, a collection of rare small press feminist novels which are accessed by interested parties and academics a few times a year, are those books useless? If they contribute to scholarship but are not read by a mass audience, are they useless? If I'm working on a book about radical history… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:12 AM on May 18, 2014

All sorrows are less with bread.
God, a low FODMAP diet is 100x worse than a low gluten diet!

Actually, I would much rather have people believe that gluten is the root of all evil than that FODMAP is/ soon as this research becomes better known, I am sure to have four or five friends who have decided that the FODMAP diet is for them, and that they are now avoiding stone fruits, cauliflower, onions, chocolate, apples, lentils, etc, while still being vegan and… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:32 AM on May 14, 2014
(I mean, in fairness, I have a friend with pretty serious health issues who really can't eat most stuff - that does happen.)
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:33 AM on May 14, 2014

Meanwhile, most of the people I know who eat GF but aren't celiac do so for weightloss reasons or because they think it makes them feel better and again, I don't know why I should object to that because HOW DARE THEY REFUSE BREAD or something. No one has ever snatched a roll out of my mouth yelling "Bread is poison!" and so I don't feel obligated to hate on their desire to not have croutons on their salad, or to avoid crackers.
… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 2:13 PM on May 14, 2014
Oh, and it's not appropriate to cook quinoa because quinoa imports destabilize the Bolivian economy, etc.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 2:14 PM on May 14, 2014
Frowner, have you considered telling your friends to STFU? They sound really awful.

They are, in many respects, delightful people. And I wouldn't need to cook for them if I didn't want to, and it's true that I have discovered a bunch of really tasty new recipes (ask me about maple caramel corn! Or popped amaranth bars with apricots and sesame seeds!) and it's true that I feel a lot more food guilt than I really need to...I've… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 2:25 PM on May 14, 2014
(While we're on the topic of food and people with restricted diets, I thought I would link this vegan salted caramel corn recipe since I've found it to be a great dessert/party food problem-solver.

I actually make it with maple syrup and soy-free buttery spread, and I boil the syrup to ~260 degrees, which takes 8 - 10 minutes....but I have served this to a great variety of people with a great variety of dietary restrictions, and it is always popular. Also, you can use… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 6:44 AM on May 15, 2014

"When you’re a fat woman, taking up space is an affront to femininity."
If people keep alienating people who keep trying to make a connection with you, flawed as they may consider it, where the fuck do this first group of people think they'll end up? With a group of people with a "pure" or "correct" ideology? Jesus H. Christ.

What actually strikes me - as a person who grew up a woman and has been varying degrees of fat their entire life* - is that I am so fucking sick of the whole… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 11:44 AM on May 14, 2014

You Think You Get It. YOU DONT YOU DONT YOU DONT!!!!!!!
I don't think those tweets are especially nonsensical - they seem precisely like what a smart kid with smart parents would tweet if he lived a life of great economic privilege but was not from a right-wing/one-percenter background. I think they're pretty cute, actually. That whole family seems like they're doing things just about as right as you can if you're in such a weird cultural position.

Almost anything is amusing if it's slotted into Garfield.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:19 AM on May 12, 2014
Besides, "You think you get it but you don't, you don't, you don't" is something I think all the time - sometimes directed at others with chagrin, sometimes directed at myself with chagrin and/or astonishment. "You think you get it but you don't" is a good thing to keep in mind in many aspects of life.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:26 AM on May 12, 2014

It's only supposed to be 30% of your income
The thing about the apodments is that sure, they'd be great if they were ~225 square feet and had a tiny kitchen. I would love a teeny apartment (except somehow I have a mortgage on a giant crumbling victorian instead) but 150 square feet is really, really small. My bedroom, which is a nice size but not a master suite giant suburban bedroom, is about 185 square feet, excluding the closet.

The funny thing is, I lived in an itty apartment that was, in its entireity,… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 9:10 AM on May 11, 2014
I actually knew some folks who grew up in tiny, cramped apartments in Shanghai - like, one friend slept on the couch in the living/shared/dining room, her father had his own tiny room and the whole place would have been more cramped except her mother had died tragically young - and they wished they had more space. My students were six to a dorm room, and although people often had good friendships, they complained constantly about the sheer lack of space and quiet. I'm not saying that no one… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 10:55 AM on May 11, 2014

National Climate Assessment
Money can't save a rich person from lung cancer, but it's going to save them from the worst environmental catastrophe in the history of life on this planet? Right.

Well, I certainly hope so. If me and mine are going to die miserable deaths from heat, hunger or preventable disease, I'd at least like some assurance that two hundred years hence the world won't be just a few domed utopias with Henry Kissinger VI, the Reagan descendents and the Pinochet… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 8:48 AM on May 7, 2014

The "vast wasteland", revisited
Okay, all else aside: the average American watches five hours a day of TV? Really? Where do they find the time? Who are these people? Is it skewed really high by retired people? Even in my most miserable depressed period (student teaching!) when I'd come home, overeat, cry and watch TV until I could fall asleep, I never topped three hours per weeknight, and I thought I was watching a huge amount of TV.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:17 PM on May 5, 2014

On Being One's Own Fairy Godmother
There is some hilarity, for me, in the fact that this woman apparently experiences her life as one of abnormal, invisible fatness and homeliness while still being thin, blond and white. I'm not sure if this is because she's had a run of bad luck, lives in a really weird part of the world or has an unrealistic sense of how she is perceived.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 4:23 PM on May 3, 2014
The thing is, I have no doubt that she does experience feeling-bad-about-her-body, etc. I have no doubt that she gets the usual shit that women in media get, and that this is tough.

At the same time, there's something weird about the colonization of the "I'm going to live my life despite my imperfections" genre of speech by women who basically meet the beauty standard, who are already pretty much at the very top. It's like getting applauded… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 5:23 PM on May 3, 2014

Britpop: A British Disaster
Low rents and high living; devastating personal problems; out in Camden every night, tight as a boiled owl.

Oh my god, this was such a great essay. I mean, it's a jeremiad, but this guy - he's a few years older than me, and he's got it, that was the nineties.

A lot of this sudden buoyancy would have been from Ecstasy, of course – still, there was also a genuine sense of optimism in the real world, for a couple of… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 3:47 PM on May 3, 2014

A Monstration In St. Petersburg
Wow. How incredibly clever. I am blown away.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 1:53 PM on May 2, 2014

Your crush mileage may vary.
At my 20th high school reunion I confessed to a woman that I had a crush on her in 4th grade. You wouldn't think something like that would still horrify someone, but you'd be wrong.

And this sort of thing is why I would rather gnaw off a forearm than go around revealing crushes. (I mean probably if I literally had to choose whether or not to gnaw off a forearm, I would tell people I had crushes on them instead. At least if it was… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 7:59 AM on May 2, 2014

"I think I'm an okay writer, but a very good storyteller."
The last unputdownable book I read was W.G. Sebald's Rings of Saturn, which has no plot movement whatsoever other than some guy wandering around Suffolk and feeling a vague sense of loss.

Oh, I've been wanting to read that forever! Thanks for reminding me that I need to take steps to obtain a copy.
posted to MetaFilter by Frowner at 12:48 PM on May 1, 2014

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