Activity from Frowner

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The thing is, when someone gets fired/faces large life consequences for their actions, they're not facing those consequences because their employer/school/etc cares about being anti-racist or feminist, etc - which is why the woman who reported… [more]
favorited 40 times, recently by thetortoise, howfar
MeFi comment - 11 minutes ago

A project I am part of is almost entirely people under 30. (And me, and a few others.) We have one volunteer who is retirement age and not only is she one of the key people in the project but she...I dunno, she really fits in. She has a lot of… [more]
favorited 8 times, recently by nemutdero, BoscosMom, misozaki, Beethoven's Sith, Punctual, Megami, Juliet Banana, Nutritionista
Ask MeFi comment - 33 minutes ago

I think it's perfectly legit to say "I am uneasy with a crowd-sourced punishment system which varies wildly from day to day and depends tremendously on who is being punished and for what". It's not as if the issue on the table is… [more]
favorited 52 times, recently by thetortoise
MeFi comment - 48 minutes ago

As far as how one might have gotten through thirty years without any Indian food whatsoever - another factor is the revolution in food distribution of the last fifteen years or so, probably coupled with there simply being an increasing number… [more]
favorited 5 times, recently by Kadin2048, gamera, hap_hazard, PMdixon, Rosie M. Banks
MeFi comment - Almost an hour ago

You should not do this. I know someone who did this, and it came back and burned them in a LOT of ways. What happens is that people will leave that company, you may encounter them elsewhere in new roles (you'd be surprised!) and they will remember… [more]
favorited 12 times, recently by everydayanewday, guybrush_threepwood, en forme de poire, orrnyereg, RichardHenryYarbo, Beti, EXISTENZ IS PAUSED, Punctual, stoneandstar, cajalswoon, NoiselessPenguin, tel3path
Ask MeFi comment - An hour ago

It's not that complicated; if you decide to be nasty in public, other people can publicly point out your nastiness. But our thresholds for nastiness vary quite a lot, and we don't have a mechanism for sorting this out other than… [more]
favorited 32 times, recently by thetortoise
MeFi comment - 2 ¾ hours ago

The trouble is that the situation is such that there is no middle ground between "la la whatever, say racist bullshit and face no consequences" and "you're fired, you will be shamed everywhere you go and anyone who googles you will see… [more]
favorited 44 times, recently by thetortoise
MeFi comment - 2 ¾ hours ago

I think something that's understated when it comes to commercial Indian food is the vast amount of fat and salt in it. Indian can be very healthy indeed, but I think if most people realised how much ghee and salt (and oft-times cream as well) went… [more]
favorited 3 times, recently by bakerina, joseph conrad is fully awesome, Kitteh
MeFi comment - 4 ¾ hours ago

My goodness, they could come film at my house, a corner of Minneapolis where One Cat Holds Sway Over All. Various cat witches (known locally as "food apes") periodically issue forth to cast various kinds of fish and fish-related food into… [more]
favorited 5 times, recently by Lexica, Space Kitty, Lemmy Caution, Faint of Butt, Orange Dinosaur Slide
MeFi comment - 5 ¼ hours ago

The moral cost to obesity is the homeless veteran that was denied housing, the food bank that has to close, and the government that can't fund public education because the government is budget-restricted. Those are all real costs. Really?… [more]
favorited 44 times, recently by naoko
MeFi comment - Almost 7 hours ago

I think it might be useful to distinguish between "I like doing this" and "this is a morally good thing to do, just like creating a social safety net or giving your homeless friend a place to crash". It might even be useful to… [more]
favorited 22 times, recently by naoko
MeFi comment - Almost 7 hours ago

I have grown up constantly and miserably aware of how much space I take up. I cringe inwardly to this day when I pass a group of teenage boys because I am expecting them to yell an insult at me. Oh, dude, I hear that - the hypervigilance,… [more]
favorited 48 times, recently by naoko
MeFi comment - 7 hours ago

David Cameron is the worst and the UK sounds more and more like V for Vendetta every day. I cannot get used to the UK sounding worse than the US - that just absolutely does not compute to me. I mean, how can all these… [more]
favorited 21 times, recently by naoko
MeFi comment - 7 hours ago

I only hand wash my dishes with natural, sustainably harvested sea sponges, because I just care a little more about my kids than most people Yes, and guess which gender of parent will be doing most of the hand-washing going forward? I bet… [more]
favorited 13 times, recently by naoko, hydropsyche, daq, gentian, Hypatia, amanda, a fiendish thingy, Kitty Stardust, sallybrown, sperose, mumimor, lokta, stoneandstar
MeFi comment - Yesterday

So the woman mentioned in the FPP would apparently rather starve than wash a soiled cloth diaper. I can't get worked up over this... It just so happened that I lived with a friend who was using cloth diapers and was...well, let's say,… [more]
favorited 280 times, recently by yeahlikethat
MeFi comment - Yesterday

(Just to provide a counter-argument to the "oh, hand-washing dishes isn't so bad" business) : I actually hand wash all my dishes and I sure would like a dishwasher. My family got one when I was about fourteen and I remember quite well how… [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by AsYouKnow Bob, hydropsyche, daq, Dip Flash
MeFi comment - 2 days ago

The thing about Lewis's good female characters is that they are all young girls. As soon as they develop any kind of adult interests or sexuality, they are either evil (Fairy Harcastle, White Witch, Silver Chair witch) or godawful wise… [more]
favorited 3 times, recently by adrienneleigh
MeFi comment - 3 days ago

I loathe CS Lewis, even though I'm awfully fond of certain aspects of his books, and could probably quote bits and pieces of them. I do really love the parts in Perelandra where Ransom is wandering under the mountain. Why? The endless… [more]
favorited 21 times, recently by adrienneleigh
MeFi comment - 3 days ago

The VK page admin was quite professional and answered only with a, "I need a little more detail to help you identify it, please!" I mean, I think that if the linked article indicated that all these guys gave just mean, crushing… [more]
favorited 5 times, recently by grapefruit, wats, NoiselessPenguin, ldthomps, PussKillian
MeFi comment - 4 days ago

Teenage girl asks for classic rock gift suggestions for her dad. Clerk: “How about Alice Cooper?” Girl: “Oh no, he hates female singers” Well, that one really isn't especially fair. But the others are fair. I was very fortunate in… [more]
favorited 19 times, recently by umbú, jonp72, bakerina, Erroneous, padraigin, librosegretti, stoneandstar, wintermind, daisyk, spacewaitress, daq, Kat Allison, larrybob, Sangermaine, Esteemed Offendi, wenestvedt, Gelatin, en forme de poire, Malla
MeFi comment - 4 days ago

And non-texters: What's so wrong with frequent-ish, low-level contact? What's wrong with it? I'm concentrating on something and I don't want to be pestered with beeps every two seconds. When I'm working or writing or reading, I… [more]
favorited 63 times, recently by a fiendish thingy
Ask MeFi comment - 4 days ago

I love rigorous discourse about things that matter. I could do without the smattering of shame that often comes bundled with it as a rhetorical device. But this has a tremendous amount to do with knowing your audience, and knowing… [more]
favorited 132 times, recently by adrienneleigh, orangutan
MetaTalk comment - 4 days ago

It's interesting how differently it's possible to read these. I read them very much as "I am the type of person who also expects librarians to tell me what a book is based on the fact that the cover was red, and then I get all huffy about… [more]
favorited 5 times, recently by kendrak, wats, rewil, the phlegmatic king, dialetheia
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

also, do women think that being involved in saintly humanitarian endeavors make you more attractive to potential partners? that's not something i've ever thought about before. Saintly humanitarian endeavors - certain kinds of saintly… [more]
favorited 88 times, recently by jdherg, graventy
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

Benadryl does exactly nada if you're going into anaphylaxis though. I was actually told by an EMT friend (who might have been totally wrong!) that in an emergency situation with no better options nearby crushed up benadryl (or with… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by small_ruminant
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

I think that while you are dealing with a lot of childhood pain, he's dealing with a lot of adult pain. Maybe a way for you to think about this (unless it seems wildly unlike his actual personality) is to think of how traumatic it must have been for… [more]
favorited 13 times, recently by hush, WalkerWestridge, pennypiper, blueberry
Ask MeFi comment - 6 days ago

Science is not an institution or a belief, it's a method. It is a very successful method of drawing tentative conclusions about the world around us, and then testing those conclusions, removing or replacing the ones that do not hold up to further… [more]
favorited 18 times, recently by vasi, skoosh, fook, doobiedoo, ZeusHumms, mondo dentro, overglow, Freyja, daq, Rosie M. Banks, Monochrome
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I think about this kind of thing and I know I'd be dead if we'd had social media when I was in school. I remember very clearly thinking many times between the ages of about ten and fifteen that my classmates would be happy if I died, and that… [more]
favorited 21 times, recently by NorthernAutumn
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

And of course, PA wasn't just, like, chatting on metafilter and making an off-the-cuff, oversimplified statement - the bar is way lower for those, IMO. She planned this, I assume pretty carefully. And that means hey, treat it like any big serious… [more]
favorited 12 times, recently by Lexica, soundguy99, MartinWisse, bakerina, pxe2000, haltingproblemsolved, en forme de poire, mbatch, mmiddle, DiscountDeity
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I've actually known a couple of homeless people - now housed, though both precariously - pretty well. I also shared housing with a guy who had been in and out of homelessness and who was dropped into homelessness again after we could no longer… [more]
favorited 60 times, recently by Salamandrous
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

It seems like you're conflating a whole bunch of stuff as "social skills that are just a grinding charade". I get by just fine in life never talking about sports at all, for instance, because being interested in sports isn't really that… [more]
favorited 52 times, recently by Blasdelb
Ask MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I think it's possible that some folks - especially male folks - may not have experienced the sustained, socially-inappropriate attentions of a creepy guy. It can be really stressful and it often escalates. Not only are your lunches no longer… [more]
favorited 97 times, recently by hush
Ask MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I am a hugely anxious, gender non-conforming and kind of fat person who started going to the gym last year. I also just started reformer pilates, which really is substantially populated by very slim dancer types. So my point is, I… [more]
favorited 9 times, recently by Ziggy500
Ask MeFi comment - 7 days ago

Could you elaborate on this point, Frowner? I'm not sure what you mean. I will try! I hadn't thought this all through quite like that until just now. "White discourse" is a vague term. I think what I'm trying to say is… [more]
favorited 87 times, recently by owls
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

Did you have a chance to read all of Diski's memoir stuff? There's part where Diski gets all freaked out and anxious and depressed and finally gets it together to ask Lessing, basically, "you've taken me in and my parents don't want me back and… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

It's worth reading the author's short essay about his own homelessness, which is linked in the article - he was working the whole time. It fills me with rage and hatred and reminds me - funnily enough- of this old nineties comic, The Angriest Dog… [more]
favorited 56 times
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

It interests me that while I've seen a sharp uptick in this type of architecture in Minneapolis, I actually never saw a lot of unhoused people hanging out in the first place. I mean, there are places where people go, but most of this stuff around… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

That Adria Richards article over at Shakesville is very, very worth reading - for one thing, Richards points out some factual errors in how the story was reported. It really illustrates how who you are depends on how the internet… [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

Don't say anything. You wouldn't poke or pry into other aspects of your son's sexual, romantic or bodily life - even if you knew he was sleeping with someone you would not ask what he did in bed; you would not ask for minute details of any dates;… [more]
favorited 14 times
Ask MeFi comment - 9 days ago

Also, would it have killed her to say "If it turns out that I really don't like you and can't live with you, I'm not sure what we'll do but you won't be homeless"? I mean, for fuck's sake, characters in The Four Gated City are… [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

I will look for Jenny Diski's books now - I had no idea that she even existed, although I've read most of Doris Lessing's work and some of the work of people associated with her. Doris Lessing was, I think, not a nice person. That… [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

I also feel the need to call out the people who are implying that (white?) women doing good things is some kind of feminity thing or whatever. Um. I don't know how much irony was in those comments, but fuck off? Kindness and compassion are pretty… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

One thing that bothers me about the Fifty Shades of Grey lolling/critique: the way the audience is always characterized as "housewives", with genial tolerance or genial contempt depending on the writer. (Admittedly, I have only read… [more]
favorited 30 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

I mean, some of these are pretty funny. (The duvet one, but perhaps that's just because my house is so cold.) But the framing device is just the usual "whatever women's sexual desires can be imagined to be is wrong". If women… [more]
favorited 40 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

Adria Richards also points out that although she does not identify as a feminist and has pointed this out online, her actions were framed as feminist by her attackers (and implicitly, her alleged feminism was used to help whip up the mob into… [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

but in my experience "performance reviews, brainstorming sessions, training meetings, and post-mortems" have made many of my workplaces happier and more productive places. It would probably be worth investigating what makes… [more]
favorited 24 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

I notice that you're 21 - you are still very, very young although you've been through some big life changes (living on your own, college, serious relationship). When I was 21, I was not good at making friends or at finding places where people like… [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - 10 days ago

On the one hand, I really support body modifications - I think there's something interesting, perverse, powerful, radical when people decide that they're going to transform themselves in new ways. So part of me looks at these bodies - which… [more]
favorited 18 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

On occasion, I've sat down and made a list of all the things about human society that I just don't understand: small talk and flirting; allegiances to sports teams, political parties, and other group identities; fashion and dress codes; and so on… [more]
favorited 23 times
Ask MeFi comment - 10 days ago

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