Activity from Frowner

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But what it really boils down to is "You need to be a man, except you can't be a man, and even if you went full on butch lesbian/trans you still wouldn't manage to please us." Because we can never be over six feet with a deep voice and a… [more]
favorited 10 times, recently by amorphatist, KathrynT, transitional procedures, chaosys, beefetish, Queen of Spreadable Fats, Chaussette and the Pussy Cats, rtha, jenfullmoon, jaguar
MeFi comment - 9 minutes ago

Actually, we have conversations about how everyone should just go ahead and travel here on metafilter - they're usually couched as "so many Americans don't even have a passport, what hicks they are, not like me". And since having a passport… [more]
favorited 109 times, recently by Lexica, guybrush_threepwood, 5_buck_sock_pup, fiercecupcake, kaiseki, furtive, Lapin, MeghanC, DRoll, a fiendish thingy, neat graffitist, oneswellfoop, sweltering, graventy, pracowity, Queen of Spreadable Fats, pushing paper and bottoming chairs, Beti, duffell, purplesludge, You Can't Tip a Buick, mmoncur, daq, rewil, teponaztli, artemisia, spreadsheetzu, gerstle, gatorae, BrashTech, bgal81, en forme de poire, skewed, librarina, zardoz, thereemix, weathergal, No-sword, Gygesringtone, colfax, zinful, beefetish, thetarium, Kitteh, axon, yertledaturtle, town of cats, haltingproblemsolved, you could feel the sky, my-username, sciatrix, DrAmerica, Matt Oneiros, limeonaire, maxwelton, lupus_yonderboy, happyroach, alltomorrowsparties, ambient2, bakerina, FireballForever, the lake is above, the water below, Smart Dalek, une_heure_pleine, rr, internet fraud detective squad, station number 9, dogwalker, Lord Chancellor, keli, wonton endangerment, mark k, Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey, briank, Hactar, adamsc, metaman livingblog, oceanjesse, Rosie M. Banks, plep, DrMew, Hypatia, Flexagon, JoeXIII007, Narrative Priorities, threetwentytwo, saucysault, palomar, Elementary Penguin, parrishioner, tonycpsu, bitterpants, oflinkey, bunderful, paper chromatographologist, KHAAAN!, double block and bleed, Monochrome, Tehhund, Mr.Me, d13t_p3ps1, blucevalo, thetortoise, ArgentCorvid
MeFi comment - 11 minutes ago

Just as a follow-up comment - in my social circle it would be far weirder not to tell people than to tell people. In fact, you'd need to do some explaining about why you hadn't mentioned it for the past three years. Maybe you could say something… [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by you're a kitty!
Ask MeFi comment - An hour ago

A lot of people get a lot of happiness from boats, is all I'm saying. Of course, what people mean when they say "oh, they bought a boat instead of going to Barcelona" is "those people are vulgar and crass and probably motor… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by Kitteh, hydropsyche
MeFi comment - An hour ago

That maybe this whole thing isn't as cutesy-harmless as it's being made out to be, because it serves to shame, mock, silence and erase real victims of real problems? I think there's an assumption in this whole conversation that feeling good… [more]
favorited 21 times, recently by thetortoise
MeFi comment - 2 ½ hours ago

But why? I mean, I can see how it's fun to make fun of the people who you regard as your oppressors, but it seems like the benefits are low, and the risk of collateral damage is high. And just saying "Close the browser and walk away"… [more]
favorited 22 times, recently by thetortoise
MeFi comment - 2 ½ hours ago

The thing is, a LOT of humor by an oppressed group about the oppressors is pretty rough-and-tumble. If you're an oppressor-class person who isn't awful, you may well feel bad. I mean, all those "white women are such ugly mayo-faces who think… [more]
favorited 49 times, recently by thetortoise
MeFi comment - 2 ¾ hours ago

I would like a country where people are indirect, smiley, smartly dressed, don't like interruptions and follow agendas but enjoy social chit-chat before mettings and do neither karaoke nor serious drinking in a business context. Also,… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow
MeFi comment - 3 ¾ hours ago

Is this the Baudrillard-ish point in the conversation where we point out that people in the U.S. spend washtubs full of cash going to the simulated world travel experiences at Epcot in Orlando instead of going to the real places? What I… [more]
favorited 26 times, recently by sciatrix, MeghanC, DRoll, thereemix, rewil, nightrecordings, bgal81, en forme de poire, Gygesringtone, beefetish, jenfullmoon, yertledaturtle, Narrative Priorities, JoeXIII007, an animate objects, thetortoise, bakerina, blue suede stockings, internet fraud detective squad, station number 9, une_heure_pleine, desjardins, KHAAAN!, hydropsyche, threetwentytwo, purpleclover, tonycpsu
MeFi comment - Almost 5 hours ago

This sounds like it should be a targeted request - pick the people you're fairly certain would like to buy you a little get-well present, like close friends and family. A lot of these "can I ask for [gift]" questions seem to me to be… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by Juliet Banana
Ask MeFi comment - Almost 5 hours ago

Alex Chee wrote that terrific memoir about being a waiter at the Buckleys' that was linked here a few weeks ago. It's true that this is a bit slight, but I actually enjoyed the near-future dystopias bit and really, it's the internet - quite a… [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by beefetish, Mrs. Davros, radiocontrolled, languagehat
MeFi comment - 7 hours ago

(She's in her 50s, which makes this an even worse look because it seems like she's trying to be "down with the kids" or something.) I generally use diffidence (not uptalk, generally - I'm slightly too old and too midwestern to… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by Queen of Spreadable Fats
MeFi comment - 7 hours ago

Oh hey late-twenties Frowner! I tell you what, this time don't have a breakdown at 29, lose a year to depression and then have a slow, miserable climb back to functionality! No, seriously: 1. If you are having truly intrusive and painful… [more]
favorited 48 times, recently by sundaymorninglight
Ask MeFi comment - 11 hours ago

This is way too relationship-y for my taste. It sounds as though he spends much, much more quality time with her than with you, and all his non-practical/non-domestic stuff is with her, not you. Maybe he actually literally spends more time with her… [more]
favorited 63 times, recently by Dutchmeisje
Ask MeFi comment - 15 hours ago

I had the recent response when my lack of a passport came up as a bit of pillow talk: (aghast) "Oh my God, I'm sleeping with the enemy." This person has a beautiful soul and has made significant sacrifices and compromises to build a… [more]
favorited 39 times, recently by sockermom, MeghanC, DRoll, thereemix, Narrative Priorities, scrowdid, NikitaNikita, chicainthecity, porn in the woods, lunachic, supercrayon, bgal81, batfish, 4shortlegs, Gygesringtone, colfax, frecklefaerie, zinful, beefetish, Kitty Stardust, palomar, jenfullmoon, alltomorrowsparties, DrAmerica, an animate objects, maxwelton, thetortoise, FireballForever, bakerina, the lake is above, the water below, blue suede stockings, octothorpe, adamsc, pemberkins, Monochrome, Rosie M. Banks, kanata, IncognitoErgoSum, threetwentytwo
MeFi comment - 20 hours ago

The funny thing is, both Miller and Kerouac led lives that I would view as unhappy in significant ways - and Kerouac met a grotesque, tragic end in his late forties as a direct result of his drinkin' smokin' fightin' life. Both were famous for being… [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by Queen of Spreadable Fats, virago, yohko, Miko
MeFi comment - Yesterday

If this were me - as avoidant as I am, and only giving this advice because you're at the 'what do I do tomorrow' stage - I would go in, pretend it was a normal visit, say what I needed to say and then do a ghost/slow fade and avoid his calls if any… [more]
favorited 11 times, recently by Peetree
Ask MeFi comment - 2 days ago

You're right. I'm really prone to exaggeration and hyperbole. I think I am highly likely doing that here and just writing all of this to get sympathy and incite the kind of responses I'm getting here. I'm sure that he was being totally reasonable… [more]
favorited 41 times, recently by Peetree, jouir
Ask MeFi comment - 2 days ago

My dinner last night: 1. Large sweet potato coarsely grated (well, actually two small ones - one white and one orange) stir fried in a large pan with olive oil and salt until done. Liberally topped with cholula hot sauce. 2. Two fried eggs on… [more]
favorited 3 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 days ago

I was thinking about this thread earlier. I used - before I had any friends who did sex work - to feel that sex work was a particularly invasive kind of work, presented particular problems separate from routine misogyny, etc. I think what… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 2 days ago

On another note - I made the chia pudding referenced upthread. I used a half coconut milk, half almond milk recipe with maple syrup and vanilla. The texture is nice - like tapioca but the seeds retain a very, very tiny crunch. The taste of… [more]
favorited 3 times
MeFi comment - 3 days ago

I think one thing that tends to happen is that individual corners of the internet tend to develop highly specialized analysis and vocabulary - often very good analysis and vocabulary, I consider that I've learned a lot from the much-demonized… [more]
favorited 29 times
MeFi comment - 3 days ago

Okay, can I tell an Ian McKellen-related anecdote here? It's actually pretty funny. So, at my university we had a long-time, beloved and very witty faculty member who, late in life, looked extraordinarily like McKellen, especially in… [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - 3 days ago

I had a chronic knot by my left shoulder blade for years - not as bad as yours but always present and it would hurt when I was stressed. Lat raises (not bench pressing, kind of the opposite of bench pressing) cleared it up after about a month. Your… [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - 4 days ago

The other piece here is that knowing that doctors talk shit about you makes the medical experience scarier and more frustrating. That alone is a reason to crack down, because it's making going to the doctor worse for people (and probably a… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 4 days ago

Does anyone have any recommendations for further reading? Preferably from an informed left standpoint? The trouble with all of this stuff is that we have not one but two, two evil empires crouching toad-like on the world, so a piece like… [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - 4 days ago

It's so interesting that the whole premise of the article is this kind of thing: The juvenile justice system was founded on the idea that young people are capable of change, and so society has a responsibility to help them overcome early… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 4 days ago

Her story, weirdly, reminded me of Doris Lessing's novel Mara and Dann and of Margaret Atwood's novel The Year of the Flood, where things go so bad so protractedly that the sentences don't even make sense together. "All my… [more]
favorited 24 times
MeFi comment - 4 days ago

What I kept wondering was "what precisely was so off about this guy"? It seemed like this particular anaesthesiologist had some homophobia issues, per the rest of the article. I would be at least a little more sanguine about the… [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - 4 days ago

This is absolutely true, and what I was trying to get at in this hasty comment. For those who have grown to understand and enjoy reading densely referential theoretical texts, it's worth thinking about why you have such a comfort level with them -… [more]
favorited 5 times
MetaTalk comment - 4 days ago

As I said, I really didn't find a lot of theoretical jargon in this piece. I don't think that's what tripped people up. But if you think there were particular words that threw people into a state of anxiety I'd love to know what they were… [more]
favorited 29 times
MetaTalk comment - 4 days ago

I ended up wondering why so many of us have such strong emotional responses to anything you can label "theory" - so much ressentiment, in particular, if you want a theory word. Honestly, I bet most of the people who were all… [more]
favorited 16 times
MetaTalk comment - 4 days ago

So there is so much great food in the world, and I`m completely ignorant to most of it, why do we need this stunt food? It's kinda profoundly dull in a world where Ethiopian and Cambodian and Polish food exists, no? Because this is… [more]
favorited 23 times
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

A link to "fat shaming 101" links won't work if no one is willing to learn from them I don't think that's true - because you're assuming that the point is for people to learn that fat-shaming is stupid, ignorant and unacceptable,… [more]
favorited 10 times
MetaTalk comment - 5 days ago

Someone could be very good for/to you with one problem - the first bout of serious depression - while not being good for/to you for other problems. Maybe this is a guy who can have compassion when someone is in an extreme state but who is really… [more]
favorited 17 times
Ask MeFi comment - 5 days ago

What I'd do is ask this question to someone in your real life. I personally doubt that you're delusional to the point where you're radically distorting what happened (not just misinterpreting or being a little manipulative as human beings virtually… [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - 5 days ago

The main thing I notice is that the color range is both broader and more subtle than what was available in the nineties. It seems like most of the nineties colors are still available (and the thing with that faded green is that it was… [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

We do this for taxes, for estimating college tuition/financial aid, etc. We constantly, in multiple areas of life, assume that people are the responsibility of the family in which they exist. If the lower earning spouse wants many kinds of… [more]
favorited 15 times
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

I'm confused and I'm feeling a little paranoid by the therapists here asking about my motivations in posting this question. Is there something I've done wrong? What motivations could I have? I'm really concerned about this skepticism. I promise I… [more]
favorited 3 times
Ask MeFi comment - 5 days ago

I do like the I/E metaphor in terms of expressing the whole "how do you know you're trans/where does your gender identity come from" thing, though, and I think I'm going to add it to my rhetorical toolbox. It really illustrates how you… [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

I guess, when I think about it, I think about it as a desire that is deeply rooted in both my body and cultural stuff, and it's a positive desire - a desire to be something. It's not the same as the desire not to be treated as… [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

For me, this has always been hard to understand, since I guess I just don't have a very strong gender identity. I'm a cis woman and I'm comfortable with that, even though I've never been a very "feminine" person, in the stereotypical… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

In a sense, I find it easier to compare gender to a vocation. Like, I would be deeply, deeply unhappy if I were not allowed to read [or do something analogous to reading - if I lost my sight, I could still access text-ish kinds of things either via… [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

What's very interesting is that the TERFS I know deny that "gender" is anything but an artifact of patriarchy, but act as though gender is a hard biological fact. They really do not act as though they are genderless meat creatures… [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

Yeah, I've actually slowly drifted away from some activist stuff because it's all on facebook and I'm not willing to be. This year I almost didn't even get to the queer/trans march because not only was it on facebook but the public page was indexed… [more]
favorited 19 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

Actually one of my more on-trend friends dyed his hair in this way recently. It's always so depressing to read the responses to something like this, where half the comments are "that's ugly!" or "what fashion victims", with a… [more]
favorited 12 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

Basically, the point is that some people's problems are so serious that they can't be solved at the individual/household level, no matter how hard people work. Those problems need to be solved at a society-wide level. It doesn't matter - in… [more]
favorited 36 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

It only makes sense that once one's financial situation improves, that should be considered in evaluating whether one continues to receive government benefits. This would make sense if and only if marriage were very likely to make the… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

I am worried about someone whose guilty pleasure is grapes, unless they have a specific grape-excluding medical condition. I can totally buy that someone feels guilty when they have grapes because Grapes-Fruit-Sugar-Bad and I think that's… [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

From that article linked by roomthreeseventeen: And even before they wind up in custody, the ICE agency consistently discriminates against LGBT individuals during detention decisions. A Center for American Progress Freedom of Information Act… [more]
favorited 15 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

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