Activity from Frowner

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Although I am once again amused to see how everyone always thinks they can buck statistics. "Oh, my husband will do 50% of the chores and childcare," everyone thinks. Never think you're better than statistics.... [more]
favorited 45 times, recently by peasandcarrots, cosmic owl, Summer, nonane
MeFi comment - 6 ½ hours ago

The reason Persimmon Pudding is the most googled in Indiana just had to be a direct result of the original article. We Hoosiers, upon learning Persimmon pudding was somehow indicative of an Indiana Thanksgiving via some idiot on the East Coast,... [more]
favorited 23 times, recently by spacewaitress, daisystomper, vickyverky, deludingmyself, kagredon, Halloween Jack, beefetish, Ideal Impulse, the lake is above, the water below, wreckingball, Narrative Priorities, Proofs and Refutations, Wemmick, leotrotsky, percolatrix, bakerina, asperity, Sara C., Tchad, tavella, JimInLoganSquare, squinty, theora55
MeFi comment - 8 hours ago

For those in the Twin Cities with the time today, the Coalition for Critical Change, Communities United Against Police Brutality and other groups who work on related issues have organized a protest at 4:30 at Lake and Minnehaha in S Minneapolis. If... [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by FlyingMonkey, eviemath, Uniformitarianism Now!, nangar
MeFi comment - 17 hours ago

It still seems strange to me, because I have zero interest in the first thing and think of the second one (caring for each other) as the basis of any relationship, but maybe I already have non-traditional relationships. Oh god the emotional... [more]
favorited 221 times, recently by you must supply a verb, ifjuly, Orange Pamplemousse, susanvance, velvet winter, metaphorical, Ferret Fusilier, Summer, Don Pepino
MeFi comment - More than 18 hours ago

For me a good first step in not being That White Person or That Masculine of Center Person (at which I do not always succeed) has been finding points of resistance within myself and trying to get at why...by which I mean, if I find myself... [more]
favorited 41 times, recently by mothershock, jlbartosa, ifjuly, dendrochronologizer, Lexica, MissySedai, une_heure_pleine, guybrush_threepwood, Uniformitarianism Now!, Errant, discopolo, pseudonymph, threeants, JoeXIII007, Sarah_Lena, bigendian, Pink Frost, scrump, lord_wolf, Corinth, eviemath, fozzie_bear, Wyeldfire, lunasol, mandymanwasregistered
MeFi comment - More than 18 hours ago

I think what I take away from the linked piece is that it is totally unconscious on the part of the guy. He's not cynical. He really, sincerely believes that he believes his beliefs. And I surmise that among the men who are [sort of] like... [more]
favorited 63 times, recently by mothershock, town of cats, psoas, littlecatfeet, Lexica, Salamandrous, MissySedai, supercrayon, Uniformitarianism Now!, guybrush_threepwood, Errant, litleozy, polychora, saucysault, threeants, Unicorn on the cob, Joseph Gurl, Proofs and Refutations, heisenberg, Merzbau, Pink Frost, junques, scrump, neckro23, AaronTheBaron, Corinth, EXISTENZ IS PAUSED, eviemath, wemayfreeze, Narrative Priorities
MeFi comment - More than 18 hours ago

I was at a public event put on by an established left organization recently. The event was one where the general membership had been encouraged to come to participate in an important decision. Naturally, the parts of the membership who did show up... [more]
favorited 68 times, recently by mothershock, Deathalicious, neushoorn, Lexica, MissySedai, une_heure_pleine, Uniformitarianism Now!, guybrush_threepwood, olya, hydropsyche, moody cow, zeusianfog, heyho, neitherly, threeants, an animate objects, everydayanewday, Proofs and Refutations, JoeXIII007, heisenberg, Summer, Sarah_Lena, overglow, sarahw, junques, scrump, AaronTheBaron, vitabellosi, jonp72, kiki_s, EXISTENZ IS PAUSED, Halloween Jack, Narrative Priorities, daq
MeFi comment - More than 18 hours ago

(Just for mefites' own information about the Minneapolis car thing - it was not quite as bad as it looks on the video and as far as I know, the person who was hit was not injured badly. A friend of mine saw them lying down and waiting for the EMTs... [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by en forme de poire, nangar, hap_hazard, angrycat
MeFi comment - 2 days ago

"The victim‘s vehicle was damaged by a large group of people. While he was attempting to flee from the mob, he struck a pedestrian." If you look at the video, too, this isn't even true. He hits the girl before people start... [more]
favorited 11 times, recently by en forme de poire, angrycat, introp, emptythought, ob1quixote, indubitable, longdaysjourney, evidenceofabsence, daq, tonycpsu, dialetheia
MeFi comment - 2 days ago

These shootings are not new, though. As long as I have lived here in MPLS, there have been a couple every year. As I've said elsewhere here, I know two people who witnessed police shootings of mentally ill black men, one in front of his... [more]
favorited 8 times, recently by introp, nangar, beefetish, lord_wolf, Golden Eternity, daq, ob1quixote, bitterpants
MeFi comment - 2 days ago

Frowner, what part of Indiana are you from? I'm from Warsaw and other "parts north" and this is the first I've heard of persimmon pudding. To reply very late - I am not personally from Indiana since my dad had moved for work by... [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by Tchad
MeFi comment - 2 days ago

Isn't there a whole Supreme Court decision - Tennessee v. Garner - which says that a police officer can only use deadly force on a fleeing suspect if the cop has reason to believe that the fleeing suspect poses a substantial threat of death or... [more]
favorited 22 times, recently by skwt, katemonster, vickyverky, everydayanewday, daq, LizBoBiz, Lemurrhea, lord_wolf, col_pogo, maxwelton, [insert clever name here], lesbiassparrow, You Can't Tip a Buick, freecellwizard, SpottedWasatch, waitangi, anthill, zombieflanders, drezdn, burden, learnsome, Drinky Die
MeFi comment - 3 days ago

It's really hard to make and keep friends, especially if you're at all introverted or awkward - I mean, it's hard for everybody. You aren't broken. A lot of people who seem to have many friends really have many friendly acquaintances. I... [more]
favorited 16 times, recently by rebooter
Ask MeFi comment - 3 days ago

You have to ask yourself what you want from forgiveness. One reason I'm skeptical about later-in-life apologies - and I was bullied pretty badly, plus experienced a couple of significant friend betrayals in my teens - is that so often they're... [more]
favorited 38 times, recently by NorthernAutumn
Ask MeFi comment - 4 days ago

I think it's possible that some folks - especially male folks - may not have experienced the sustained, socially-inappropriate attentions of a creepy guy. It can be really stressful and it often escalates. Not only are your lunches no longer... [more]
favorited 96 times, recently by a fiendish thingy
Ask MeFi comment - 4 days ago

To add: I think that the sudden proliferation of subjective-osexualities is rooted in the desire to find a non-political way to legitimate sexual preference, a way to put it beyond question, and that this can never happen - putting... [more]
favorited 15 times, recently by Yma, vibratory manner of working
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

I'm bothered by the tag #allmenaregarbagebutthiskindespecially. I hate feminist posturing as much as the next person but that hashtag seems unnecessarily mean. The truth is, I don't like it much either, because I don't like calling large... [more]
favorited 19 times, recently by Lexica, guybrush_threepwood, pseudonymph, justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow, beefetish, JoeXIII007, Pink Frost, Neely O'Hara, junques, Corinth, eviemath, wemayfreeze, adso, librarina
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

Many of these dealbreakers make me think "but that wouldn't bother me if I liked the person enough"...but perhaps that's because I tend to know people fairly well before we actually progress to dating. Vis-a-vis books: None the less,... [more]
favorited 3 times, recently by virago
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

Flavorless gruel, all the way! Actually, I have been hoping that someone will ask this question, because I have been making a particularly delicious side dish lately - sweet potato hash. It's not really hash browns because sweet potatoes... [more]
favorited 8 times, recently by LoonyLovegood
Ask MeFi comment - 5 days ago

Well, okay, the hygiene and failure-of-hinting one made me feel really, really ill. That and the Romney one, boom. I dread dating a serious vegan, as I mostly cook vegan but have cheese-based lapses. I assume that most of these are really... [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by kittensofthenight, You Can't Tip a Buick
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

I think one reason I'm uneasy with value-judgment-osexualities is that when you add "osexual" to something, you're using language to suggest that it is in some way more inherent/hard-wired than cultural. You're attempting to give it some... [more]
favorited 17 times, recently by vibratory manner of working, bpt
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

the pontifical-Chomsky-dude (he's usually Ben) Oh my god, Chomsky dudes are so often Bens, it's horribly true. On the other hand, I know the most wonderful Ben in the world. Perhaps Bens are either very good or very bad?... [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

It also costs a fair amount to keep all the assorted fifedoms running because they're staffed by white-collar government workers (who have healthcare and pensions). One thing I always worry about, though: everyone assumes that efficiency... [more]
favorited 24 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I guess my question is, why does anyone have to interrogate their attraction or lack thereof? Isn't the whole point that your sexuality is your business and not the business of anyone you aren't sleeping with or trying to? Seriously, if... [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

There's an interesting double game here, because I think you're right, claiming a mere preference as an identity can have that "sheilding" effect. But only the person having the desire can possibly know how profound, how fundamental, a... [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

I'm wondering why you're going to "saying that we should be somewhat thoughtful about where our sexual preferences come from is the same as browbeating people to sleep with you". If I'm thinking about how I learned that [category]... [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

I guess what I'd add to my comment upthread is that putting a little bit of pressure on yourself about why you're attracted to people is also a political thing. Like, it doesn't make sense for me to ask myself whether I should be attracted to some... [more]
favorited 3 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

On a lived-experience level, it is so difficult to sort out all the many things that attract one to a particular individual that it seems deeply problematic to say "I am a cis-lesbian-o-sexual, I am hardwired to be incapable of being... [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

The "new" identities are fantastic as descriptions of preferences and practices. I am a little bit uneasy with them as descriptions of deep or foundational stuff (whether you call that an "orientation" or something else), not... [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

So this is just a fascinating question - I had missed the guilt/dating piece on a first read-through. Why are you dating this person? Since no one really lives up to your standards, they probably don't either - are you dating them because you're... [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - 10 days ago

Yes, stop doing things for people. I often feel unappreciated - like you, I'm the nice one. I host events, I lend money, I lend a listening ear, I am really good at making sad nerdy people feel special and loved, I give people stuff, I cook...de... [more]
favorited 8 times
Ask MeFi comment - 10 days ago

Unless you're into a sort of Samuel Delany-novel-esque radically-different-intelligences thing, like, how does that "sapiosexual" business not just trigger your own anxieties way too much? What if you're all "well I am sapiosexual so... [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

I mean, I think there's all kinds of stuff to parse out here: 1. Fad - we're having kind of a nineties moment, and it's the nineties moment of that Calvin Klein gender-neutral perfume and bowl haircuts, plus "androgyny" becomes... [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

(Although mainly what this thread has done for me is to get a particularly earwormy version of Pete Shelley's "Homosapien" stuck in my head.)... [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

I can't be having with this. I suppose in a hundred years we'll have a touching commercial about Auschwitz or the Killing Fields so that we'll buy whatever the ruins of humanity are still buying at that point. The whole thing leans on... [more]
favorited 31 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

I am always astonished by the number of people who want to survive the apocalypse. It sounds even worse than the apocalypse itself; better to one of the ones to go first before you've had to spend months fighting zombies or whatever with 2 bottles... [more]
favorited 3 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

Wages, in fact, are a way of giving people money. [more]
favorited 3 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

Pay attention to how much respect and attention you accord to women who don't fall into your "real person/fuckable" category - pay attention to how you treat elderly women, for instance, or women of a different subcultural demographic, or... [more]
favorited 57 times
Ask MeFi comment - 10 days ago

It's not just corruption - if the problem were just that Americans were buying Mexican drugs, it would be a much smaller problem. It is the active support of the US government for the Mexican state as long as the Mexican state goes... [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

Here is an account by one of the leaders of the German soldiers' revolt which ended the war and established the Weimar Republic. It's on marxists.org, but I found the introduction to be pretty reliable and the stuff I've read on there generally to... [more]
favorited 23 times
MeFi comment - 11 days ago

This is the key, though: qualifying for a lot of the best paid government jobs generally requires a graduate degree. So this is financial policy that makes the upper-middle class richer and more secure, by inefficiently paying them (okay, us) a... [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 11 days ago

(I add that while I was helping a friend with some benefits stuff, about half the case workers we encountered were just awful and one was overtly racist; but the rest were either okay or actually good - like the woman who tipped us off to a bunch of... [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 11 days ago

There really isn't enough in this question to say anything for sure, and thus I'd recommend therapy - I'm not sure whether high-class talk therapy would be best since it might help you dig stuff out or whether it would just reassure you of your... [more]
favorited 14 times
Ask MeFi comment - 11 days ago

My parents actually refused to let me play D&D in the late eighties because it might lead me down "dark paths" and then said something about it eroding your ability to tell reality from fantasy. Knowing my parents, I am dead sure... [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - 12 days ago


Anger, too, as tanktop points out upthread. Are you angry? Again, difficult to spot, especially since you, on technical points, have everything. You could be angry for stupid reasons, of course - some sense of entitlement that you never... [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - 12 days ago

Responding to the apologies by generating a giant list of paranoid charts and passive-aggressive self-righteousness about "healing" is just shit-stirring. I don't know - I'm not sure I would have believed any of this without some... [more]
favorited 18 times
MeFi comment - 12 days ago

(Also, "My family: etc" is interesting. Which of the many listed failings do you attribute to them? Are you close to your family? Are they similar to you in any way? Obviously, these are questions for you, not questions to... [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - 12 days ago

And the tar sands exist because the corporate-political complex is able to use money and force to externalize cost. In accounting, a big debate is "how do you determine the cost of a product?" and the rubric is "all the costs that... [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 13 days ago

It sounds as though a core problem is the way lunch is served in schools - kids get very little time for lunch (25 minutes to get food, eat, toss food away), schools may not even have actual full-service kitchens and (if my experience is anything to... [more]
favorited 33 times
MeFi comment - 13 days ago

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