Activity from Frowner

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I was at a guy's house once and he started quizzing me about world capitals. It would be funny if it weren't so loaded at the time. Really? Really? Why on earth would you need to know a random assortment of world capitals?… [more]
favorited 26 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Pay attention to how much respect and attention you accord to women who don't fall into your "real person/fuckable" category - pay attention to how you treat elderly women, for instance, or women of a different subcultural demographic, or… [more]
favorited 58 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I am also interested in the trigger warning as a cultural pattern, though, both in the ways that it oversimplifies and fetishizes consent and the ways that it figures the individual as always-ill. Like, it's totally okay to… [more]
favorited 155 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I thought this was a very good piece, essentially religious in its outlook. An optimistic vision of Norway that I would prefer to be true. What he writes about the "harmlessness" of Norway is pretty much my social vision, that… [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Some books that I think are formative and likely to appeal to many children: Jane Langton's Hall Family books, especially The Swing In The Summerhouse, The Diamond In The Window and - most particularly! It made me who I am today! -… [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I began to feel hurt and to have real doubts about whether we were a good match. I said this to him. He then said it was very important to him to have me in his life, I am special, he likes the reflective conversations we have, but I was blowing… [more]
favorited 53 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I wonder if he's read Orwell's smaller work - the As I Please columns and so on. I actually like those a lot better - and return to them much more often - than his bigger work and certainly his novels and most of the "big" essays. For… [more]
favorited 35 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

A side note: lots of people have break-up sex, which is what you describe with the boots/chips/cider situation. You may not have thought of it as break-up sex, but it's pretty normal, things are charged, you're still partly attached to… [more]
favorited 29 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It's the constant hunt for a moment, a single moment of sin where you reveal those deeply suppressed thoughts that meant you were really a No Good Oppressor Like The Rest Of Them All Along and everyone can be outraged along with you at the fallen… [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You know, it makes sense that their albums have para-religious themes, because they're obviously a peasant religious movement, and you could place them in line with the medieval heretics or the followers of Thomas Muntzer, by which I mean a (not… [more]
favorited 36 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You know, now that I think about it, it might be useful to consider why one gets visibly checked out (as opposed to discreetly). I've had very, very few experiences with this, which I used to read as meaning that I was ugly, and I used to feel… [more]
favorited 10 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Being visibly "checked out" does not always mean what you think it means, either - I've noticed that since I cut my hair and started dressing in a dapper, sort of effeminate-butch manner I've started to get lots of checking-out-like… [more]
favorited 9 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I just want to pop back in to say that I don't really worry about 'being attractive' any more. Partly because I'm older and 'being attractive' in your late thirties is different than in your twenties, partly because I'm a fat butch… [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You should read some queer femme tumblrs! I am a butch queer person of indeterminate gender who isn't really attracted to femme women and reading a lot of those totally changed my feelings about bodies and femme presentation. Sadly, I… [more]
favorited 28 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Along with the race hatred, there’s another obvious feature of this intro: the way it dramatizes Orwell himself, a sensitive young white man alone in a crowd of evil aliens. That habit of dramatizing himself never changes. It’s a constant in… [more]
favorited 47 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also: If you look for a therapist, I would suggest one who specializes in gender stuff and is explicitly queer-friendly. I think - as you seem to suggest in your comments - that probably a lot of your personal painful stuff is tied up in some kind… [more]
favorited 5 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Sorry to get all Sigmund Freud on you, but the 'feelings' you think you have for this new woman are really just a release of your own inner tension and have nothing to do with love for this person. You've always known you were going to repeat… [more]
favorited 16 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Purely from a practical standpoint: I think that you're getting stuck on the small talk thing because you don't have the tools to start the small talk . Small talk isn't just "how do you feel about today's weather? Where do you work?… [more]
favorited 5 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Be safe when you break up. Get friends on your side, change the locks at your house (if he has a key), make sure windows are locked. If it's a financial possibility, maybe get a security system that you can set from the inside while you are home… [more]
favorited 5 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(What happens when a woman - or someone who isn't a man? - exhibits the behaviors you describe as "alpha male"? What advantages might there be to being a person who does not speak first and who is not expected to lead? What might such a… [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

When someone who's had a set of awful experiences writes about them, I am always surprised by how much hostility this provokes, how much denial. Here's something I have learned: You do not have to identify with the oppressor. All you need to do… [more]
favorited 74 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I got my current (beloved, sadly soon to be defunded) job by being about 75% of what they wanted plus fairly intelligent. Luckily, my boss decided that I was smart enough to pick up the things I didn't know, and that it was easier to tip me off… [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I am a butch/genderqueerish woman. If I could afford an alternative I would not wear combat boots to an interview, but ...the interview behavior is probably more the issue than the shoes; she may not have had better shoes and figured… [more]
favorited 94 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The trouble is, I have a lot of possessions and they mostly do give me joy. If I got rid of all the (inessential - can't get rid of the interview suit or the hairdryer or the doing-unpleasant-muddy-tasks shoes, etc) joyless things I would still have… [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I cannot even begin to express the joy I get from pretending that vast swathes of history are just made up - were just made up wholesale by monks, even! It's an excellently SFnal backstory. Also, perhaps we could pick and choose - like, the Emperor… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

See, I feel like this essay is asking two separate questions and getting them muddled up: One is "should there exist a specific gay culture that descends from the 19th century and has this particular set of icons and practices, eg… [more]
favorited 63 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I feel like if you can't have a serious conversation with him about how hurt you were, that's the red flag. Someone could care about you very much, want to stay with you, etc, but be hinky about marriage for personal reasons (that's… [more]
favorited 23 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The thing is, my relative has good days, and good hours. She chose to live out this illness, and we were unbelievably fortunate to be able to care for her. But this isn't even one of the really brutal dementias - this is an… [more]
favorited 11 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I wonder if high-achieving people deal with Alzheimer's differently than others? Like if they can't be their usual brilliant selves they don't want to be at all? I have very mixed feelings about assisted suicide. The issue with dementing… [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

As though if cats ran the internet, they'd allow pictures of nasty, hateful, *OTHER* cats on it. Hah. Yes, there are some bad cats who hang out in our yard sometimes. They will not be allowed on the cat internet ever, ever, ever… [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If cats rule the internet because they remind us of babies, it's because they are babies for people who don't like babies. And for people who have enough real babies that they need a break. I mean, I like several specific babies who are known… [more]
favorited 22 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I would like the gold Opening Ceremony x Tevas please. When I wore Doctor Martens in the early nineties, I had to special-order them from a company who advertised in the back of Spin Magazine. They were really, really good, though - much better… [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(That even leaves out people who, like, had to try different meds!) [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What I think about is ruining my partner's life by destroying their career (since we couldn't afford full time care so they'd have to quit and try to live on disability and savings, and the condition that my near relative has requires full time care… [more]
favorited 12 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I love rigorous discourse about things that matter. I could do without the smattering of shame that often comes bundled with it as a rhetorical device. But this has a tremendous amount to do with knowing your audience, and knowing… [more]
favorited 134 times
MetaTalk comment - 2 months ago

When I have felt revulsion at expressions of emotion and caring it has had to do with my own fear of weakness (disgust that others are 'weak' and have feelings because I am afraid that I too may be 'weak' and thus be hurt); my own feelings of… [more]
favorited 25 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You should talk to a therapist. Not because you're a terrible person or "doing something wrong", but because you've martyred yourself into this awful situation and it's not clear why. Some things I notice in your post: 1… [more]
favorited 8 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Lakness is unemployed, per the article. Oh, and they don't want anyone who has gone to protests because people who are political can be pushy. And yet, of course, they want to "save the world". Not through protest, naturally, that's… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

WE DID ONLY GOOD THINGS TO SCIENCE FICTION. I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE, EVEN IF YOU MAKE ME PLAY STUPID PHONE-BASED GAMES. San Francisco, though - believe me, I regret it as much as you and possibly more since I remember what it once was. [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It's not that complicated; if you decide to be nasty in public, other people can publicly point out your nastiness. But our thresholds for nastiness vary quite a lot, and we don't have a mechanism for sorting this out other than… [more]
favorited 33 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The thing is, this guy may not be lying. He may honestly believe what he says about you; he may have honestly told his psychiatrist something which gives the psychiatrist the impression that you are overreacting/defensive/etc. But that… [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

just to be safe and so he can't get in shit he will NEVER pull my pants down Period So basically he is positioning you as some kind of punitive figure who is cruelly "getting him in the shit" - instead of seeing you as a human… [more]
favorited 14 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What. Literally every person I know wore Docs in the early nineties. They were everywhere. Not in 1991 in the suburbs, they weren't. The Doc Martens trajectory seems to have really taken off about 91-92. I first wanted a pair in… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You could see this coming - Birkenstock clogs have been a Thing in certain men's style locations for the past couple of years, those Kork-Ease women's shoes have been a big deal and there have been various mini-fashions for some of the other cork-bed… [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

"Exploiting the interest in cats" - now that should have been my career. [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(or rather "It doesn't mean "all the diaries and novels and reporting and medical records of the past should be treated as total lies". I will go on to add that there's this entire discipline which publishes sometimes… [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

People weren't just beaten by skinheads at that time - there were murders. My Night Out, by the Homosexuals (appropriately enough) is about the murder of one of their Pakistani friends by skinheads. I don't believe anyone was caught - you have to… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I find it much easier to accept that people make complicated choices in their family relationships when those are not the subject of a back-and-forth in the Atlantic - of all places! - as if somehow Elizabeth's muddled thinking about the history and… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You know what? I just want to say to an audience that I am so proud of my dad, who went from being an opponent of gay marriage (on something like Elizabeth's grounds) to a guy who accepts gay marriage purely because he was argued around… [more]
favorited 36 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

My cat is so much nicer when there are strangers. Everyone thinks she is so sweet and shy, but when it's only household people she is loud and fussy, and also she has this new thing where she does not like it when I sleep late even if I have already… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

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