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I am a butch/genderqueerish woman. If I could afford an alternative I would not wear combat boots to an interview, but ...the interview behavior is probably more the issue than the shoes; she may not have had better shoes and figured… [more]
favorited 94 times
Ask MeFi comment - 5 days ago

The trouble is, I have a lot of possessions and they mostly do give me joy. If I got rid of all the (inessential - can't get rid of the interview suit or the hairdryer or the doing-unpleasant-muddy-tasks shoes, etc) joyless things I would still have… [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

I cannot even begin to express the joy I get from pretending that vast swathes of history are just made up - were just made up wholesale by monks, even! It's an excellently SFnal backstory. Also, perhaps we could pick and choose - like, the Emperor… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 5 days ago

See, I feel like this essay is asking two separate questions and getting them muddled up: One is "should there exist a specific gay culture that descends from the 19th century and has this particular set of icons and practices, eg… [more]
favorited 63 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

Also hilarious - the quantification bias. Attended one protest? Well, that might have been a mistake! But two? Not two!!!! Three drinks a week? A-ok!! Four? Nope. One prescription yes, two no. I wonder if "songs with explicit… [more]
favorited 53 times
MeFi comment - 6 days ago

Like everyone else is going to say, it is not appropriate for your boyfriend to keep doing petty shit that bothers you - no matter how much he enjoys it. I think everyone else will also say that this rises above the level of "petty… [more]
favorited 23 times
Ask MeFi comment - 6 days ago

I feel like if you can't have a serious conversation with him about how hurt you were, that's the red flag. Someone could care about you very much, want to stay with you, etc, but be hinky about marriage for personal reasons (that's… [more]
favorited 23 times
Ask MeFi comment - 6 days ago

He's not a faculty member. The Stanford directory divides people into four groups: faculty, staff, students, and "affiliates," a sort of catch all category. He's an affiliate. So when he's described as "faculty" in the… [more]
favorited 11 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

The thing is, my relative has good days, and good hours. She chose to live out this illness, and we were unbelievably fortunate to be able to care for her. But this isn't even one of the really brutal dementias - this is an… [more]
favorited 11 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I wonder if high-achieving people deal with Alzheimer's differently than others? Like if they can't be their usual brilliant selves they don't want to be at all? I have very mixed feelings about assisted suicide. The issue with dementing… [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

As though if cats ran the internet, they'd allow pictures of nasty, hateful, *OTHER* cats on it. Hah. Yes, there are some bad cats who hang out in our yard sometimes. They will not be allowed on the cat internet ever, ever, ever… [more]
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MeFi comment - 7 days ago

If cats rule the internet because they remind us of babies, it's because they are babies for people who don't like babies. And for people who have enough real babies that they need a break. I mean, I like several specific babies who are known… [more]
favorited 22 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I would like the gold Opening Ceremony x Tevas please. When I wore Doctor Martens in the early nineties, I had to special-order them from a company who advertised in the back of Spin Magazine. They were really, really good, though - much better… [more]
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MeFi comment - 7 days ago

(That even leaves out people who, like, had to try different meds!) [more]
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MeFi comment - 7 days ago

What I think about is ruining my partner's life by destroying their career (since we couldn't afford full time care so they'd have to quit and try to live on disability and savings, and the condition that my near relative has requires full time care… [more]
favorited 12 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

I love rigorous discourse about things that matter. I could do without the smattering of shame that often comes bundled with it as a rhetorical device. But this has a tremendous amount to do with knowing your audience, and knowing… [more]
favorited 134 times
MetaTalk comment - 7 days ago

When I have felt revulsion at expressions of emotion and caring it has had to do with my own fear of weakness (disgust that others are 'weak' and have feelings because I am afraid that I too may be 'weak' and thus be hurt); my own feelings of… [more]
favorited 25 times
Ask MeFi comment - 7 days ago

You should talk to a therapist. Not because you're a terrible person or "doing something wrong", but because you've martyred yourself into this awful situation and it's not clear why. Some things I notice in your post: 1… [more]
favorited 8 times
Ask MeFi comment - 7 days ago

Lakness is unemployed, per the article. Oh, and they don't want anyone who has gone to protests because people who are political can be pushy. And yet, of course, they want to "save the world". Not through protest, naturally, that's… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 7 days ago

WE DID ONLY GOOD THINGS TO SCIENCE FICTION. I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE, EVEN IF YOU MAKE ME PLAY STUPID PHONE-BASED GAMES. San Francisco, though - believe me, I regret it as much as you and possibly more since I remember what it once was. [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

It's not that complicated; if you decide to be nasty in public, other people can publicly point out your nastiness. But our thresholds for nastiness vary quite a lot, and we don't have a mechanism for sorting this out other than… [more]
favorited 33 times
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

I mean, the main feature of contemporary management theory is to attempt to compel everyone to act and speak at all times as if their paid labor is a hobby and we live in a financially equal society. Work is not a "tribe" (which is a… [more]
favorited 81 times
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

The thing is, this guy may not be lying. He may honestly believe what he says about you; he may have honestly told his psychiatrist something which gives the psychiatrist the impression that you are overreacting/defensive/etc. But that… [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - 8 days ago

My observation of academia suggests that it is full not of absent-minded professors who just can't remember where we keep the toner or how to check their voice mail but of very bright people who do not want to know how to do what it is inconvenient… [more]
favorited 67 times
MeFi comment - 8 days ago

just to be safe and so he can't get in shit he will NEVER pull my pants down Period So basically he is positioning you as some kind of punitive figure who is cruelly "getting him in the shit" - instead of seeing you as a human… [more]
favorited 14 times
Ask MeFi comment - 8 days ago

What. Literally every person I know wore Docs in the early nineties. They were everywhere. Not in 1991 in the suburbs, they weren't. The Doc Martens trajectory seems to have really taken off about 91-92. I first wanted a pair in… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

You could see this coming - Birkenstock clogs have been a Thing in certain men's style locations for the past couple of years, those Kork-Ease women's shoes have been a big deal and there have been various mini-fashions for some of the other cork-bed… [more]
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MeFi comment - 9 days ago

My mom has no rock; my parents consider popular music vulgar. My mom likes Edith Piaf. This guy's mom is no fool, though, vide her comment about "what do black dads think of as 'dad rock'", which kind of exposes the class and race angle… [more]
favorited 19 times
MeFi comment - 9 days ago

"Exploiting the interest in cats" - now that should have been my career. [more]
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MeFi comment - 10 days ago

(or rather "It doesn't mean "all the diaries and novels and reporting and medical records of the past should be treated as total lies". I will go on to add that there's this entire discipline which publishes sometimes… [more]
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MeFi comment - 10 days ago

People weren't just beaten by skinheads at that time - there were murders. My Night Out, by the Homosexuals (appropriately enough) is about the murder of one of their Pakistani friends by skinheads. I don't believe anyone was caught - you have to… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

I find it much easier to accept that people make complicated choices in their family relationships when those are not the subject of a back-and-forth in the Atlantic - of all places! - as if somehow Elizabeth's muddled thinking about the history and… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

You know what? I just want to say to an audience that I am so proud of my dad, who went from being an opponent of gay marriage (on something like Elizabeth's grounds) to a guy who accepts gay marriage purely because he was argued around… [more]
favorited 36 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

My cat is so much nicer when there are strangers. Everyone thinks she is so sweet and shy, but when it's only household people she is loud and fussy, and also she has this new thing where she does not like it when I sleep late even if I have already… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

I think this article is, overall, somewhat overblown, particularly the pull quote. "I am worth less than a shoe"? No, if you damage a customer's property, you pay for it. Just like if you damage a stranger's property, they can take you… [more]
favorited 167 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

My goodness...obviously, unless straight white cis men can be paid a lot of money to debate on stage in front of a quiet and attentive audience, eg, whether some races are superior, whether it's acceptable to stone the gays, whether women are lying… [more]
favorited 41 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

What? No. I was saying that in my opinion it's a story that can't be recuperated to a moral, despite the fact that our culture pushes itself to recuperate stories about racism to a moral. This is something I've been thinking about… [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 10 days ago

The more I think about this, the more I think that it's just...it's a blank story, it can't be recuperated to a moral. I think there's this huge cultural habit of turning stories about racism (or other isms, but most often racism) into… [more]
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MeFi comment - 11 days ago

See, this is precisely the enclosure feature of capitalism - using these real women's lives to create cultural capital for the producers without any regard for the economic or social consequences for these women. These women had something… [more]
favorited 44 times
MeFi comment - 11 days ago

The juxtapositions in nail salon workers’ lives can be jarring. Many spend their days holding hands with women of unimaginable affluence, at salons on Madison Avenue and in Greenwich, Conn. Away from the manicure tables they crash in flophouses… [more]
favorited 16 times
MeFi comment - 11 days ago

( I have a lot of discomfort with the "health at any size" movement, because it seems pretty obvious to me that some sizes are inherently less healthy. But I have come to the realization (in part through reading these threads on MeFi)… [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - 12 days ago

Okay, the reason why polos are almost always bad is also the reason why tie-and-dress-shirt-but-no-jacket is bad. Unless you are extremely fit or have an exceptional polo, a polo shirt is basically a vast expanse with a little teeny collar up at… [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - 12 days ago

No, my point was not "let's prop up the art market"; my point was that if you think that you have, say, $28 billion dollars worth of art and you - along with other museums - try to sell a lot of it at once, that's going to reduce the value… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 13 days ago

I would like to believe that CrossFitters are all really annoying, except that the ones I know are not, and also I am thinking that I might give it a shot in six months or a year since I've been making steady fitness improvements. I need to find a… [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 13 days ago

There would be some hilarity in the crashing of various sectors of the art market when all this stuff was sold. "Let's dump our scarce commodities onto the market quickly to raise capital!!!!" But of course, all that would happen would… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 13 days ago

That's what confused me (cis male, so in many ways doesn't matter what I think) about this. If it's a safe space for women, it's a safe space for women. If you're a trans man, you're not a woman, isn't that sort of the whole point of how everyone… [more]
favorited 25 times
MeFi comment - 13 days ago

Okay, everyone is going to tell you to go to...therapy! IANYT. It's pretty common, though, to try to replicate the relationships we grew up with. It's also pretty common to try unconsciously to destroy successful relationships because the… [more]
favorited 10 times
Ask MeFi comment - 13 days ago

I wonder if we could get at some useful stuff by moving away from language about "appropriating" and "stealing" - it seems like those are not useful terms for something as abstract as "having casual sex" or "being… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 2 weeks ago

Well, the fact that I do not have a Facebook has gone from making me feel old and boring to making me feel cutting edge and youthful-in-spirit. Perhaps all the other things I have refused to adapt to/adopt will eventually also become old fogey… [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - 2 weeks ago

POLO SHIRTS NO unless you are Magneto in X-Men First Class (in which case I have to tell you, stop being such a jerk even if you look acceptable in a polo shirt). I am a queer person who often dresses like a pint-sized man. My… [more]
favorited 15 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 weeks ago

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