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I also think that maybe fetishes and BDSM/etc sexual practices might be a good model for understanding asexuality - most people don't seem to have trouble with the idea that sexual fetishes (or identities such as submissiveness) are both highly... [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - 11 months ago

But, how is asexuality socially constructed, and what if this social construction is born out of trauma, i mean this is the case for all kinds of sex, but there has been a long tradition, of for example how instutional homophobia shapes queer sex,... [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - 11 months ago

(Watch out for "heritage" brands like Frye and Fluevog - while both still make some great shoes, their salad days are behind them. Fluevogs used to be made in England, then Poland - and those were all very solid shoes. Now they're... [more]
favorited 3 times
Ask MeFi comment - 11 months ago

It isn't always humor. I've seen rallying Radical Feminists chant "Shoot the Rapists, Shoot Shoot the Rapists". I have two thoughts here: First, I don't think there's anything more terrible about shooting rapists than about... [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 11 months ago

White lie. Don't go. You are the one who has interacted with the violent men in your family, you are the one who is best qualified to judge whether they are dangerous or not. Too often, women are told to ignore danger signals because it's rude or... [more]
favorited 25 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

St. Peepsburg - who I'm sure is a perfectly lovely person! - is saying that because she feels that someone's motives for calling themselves asexual are mixed, this calls their asexuality into question. That line of reasoning only makes sense... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

This brings back something for me: a long time ago, I lived in a house next door to a place there was a murder. One of my housemates was a young black woman. She saw most of the murder - not the critical moment, but she saw the quarrel through a... [more]
favorited 138 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I find myself wondering how the school defines "bullying", especially since I've seen a lot of places use it to mean "any form of unkindness directed at another child" rather than (as most mefites use it) "sustained,... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Yeah, in important ways my taste was set in the nineties, although it was much more "aspirational J Crew like all the rich girls wore in HS" plus various punk and grunge stylings from college. (I'm old!) In high school I had neither... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

What, do the xx's stand for something dirty? Back in my particular day, they stood for straight-edge. But that's not a nineties thing, it's an eighties thing that carried over.... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I think you are way overthinking this. It's difficult to negotiate friendships sometimes, but most minor awkwardnesses can be solved by just being as sincere and kind as possible. I think that it's very easy to get into "rules" and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

your ideal image is closer to a Victorian gentleman with a study of books made of oak, filled with comfortable chairs and a fireplace whom can discuss nearly any subject with some familiarity. See, that Victorian gentleman was at... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

It blows my mind (actually I guess it makes sense) that so many of you have seen, but completely misunderstood, Ghost World. Enid and Seymour are the only sane, decent people in a misanthropic world otherwise populated entirely by severely hollow,... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I saw a lot of young people my age arrive, flip out, and leave. Personally, I don't think I thrived those first few years. I didn't make the most of the situation. But I was young. I wanted to par-tay. I'm totally going to disagree with you... [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Okay, back again. I have a lot of thoughts about this: 1. How you are feeling is not about you. It's about the messages of woman-hating and woman-shaming that you have received all your life. You have picked up the messages that society... [more]
favorited 32 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I RTFA, and the thing that jumped out at me was the passage where the writer spoke of a woman who was interviewing for a secretarial position at the salon chain she worked for, so she could move up from being a hairdresser. When she left, the... [more]
favorited 65 times
MeFi comment - Last year

“a very tiny space that exists between being a butch dyke and being a trans man,” Oh, precisely. That is my tiny space. I'm pretty lucky because I have wide shoulders and flat hips (even as a fat person) and this means that... [more]
favorited 33 times
MeFi comment - Last year

What I always remember about Paglia is reading about how she was complaining about trans people (especially trans men) and she was saying that trans men were just doing it for the male privilege and people shouldn't really have easy access to... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

But that's the point! Enid is so narcissistic that she doesn't realize that. I don't know if that's really what we're supposed to take from the comic. (I haven't seen the movie since I didn't like the comic much.) I think we're supposed... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Okay, look, this is a weird thing for a white person to say, but I feel really weird about someone taking this really powerful, mobilizing song and turning it into a sad indie white girl song. Tightrope really, really reads to me as a song that is... [more]
favorited 18 times
MeFi comment - Last year

My impression is that a LOT of organic produce is grown and shipped with the expectation that the people who buy it are looking for better-quality stuff. It's not so much that the organic nature of the product makes it taste better, it's... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I like Bill Bryson's A Walk In The Woods - it's an account of his hike of part of the Appalachian Trail and while it's not science per se, it's a cheeringly down to earth account of the process and the trail. (I find some of his other books... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

It was particularly angering because the DA had just that year pardoned two people who had killed someone to save themselves during an attack, so there was even immediate legal precedent to pardon CeCe. But of course those people were white (and, I... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Also, did you help him prep for this test in any way? I took virtually all those tests (SAT, ACT, GRE) with almost no prep and did very well, but I was astounded to learn that most people do significant practice first. Most kids who are going... [more]
favorited 5 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

That City Pages article was widely held to be pretty terrible around here. I don't have time to look at it point by point and I've blocked out the memory, but it was called out for being really scandal-mongering and transphobic (and the cover was,... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I actually know some folks who went to IMSA (and I desperately wanted to go but my parents wouldn't let me) and honestly, none of them are, like, Super Duper Rocket Scientists Transforming The World. I'm not saying that it isn't worthwhile to go -... [more]
favorited 11 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

(I add that it was a pretty intense thing to go to IMSA - everyone I knew was a boarder, they lost touch with their friends from their regular school and it was a pretty big deal socially. (I only connected back up with people years later.) Unless... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Trees! Are there old trees in the yard? What kind? We had a huge series of expenses (totaling about $8000) to remove old trees as they started to fall down. Silver maples tend to rot from the inside and fall apart. If a tree is old and... [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Knob and tube wiring, also - it would cost $45,000 to totally rewire our house. (Hollow laughter.) Luckily, knob and tube is actually quite safe if it's in good condition (as ours is - we've had it inspected by a couple of different electricians).... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Could your friends accommodate you for, like, a week each? I think that if your father is making serious physical threats, you need to leave right now. If you explained to your friends that you feel physically unsafe and asked them if they could... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

My daughters seem baffled and bored by their peers who they say seem to be mostly interested in fashion and boy bands. "I am not yet sexual and so this stuff bores me" or "my romantic or sexual interests are different from... [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - Last year

In the early days of a Very Important Relationship, we would fight every time one of us had to make a trip. We didn't even realize we were doing it. And they'd be big, stupid fights. And this was a person I loved very much and got along very well... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

How tall is tall? Do you need "tall" clothes or do you wear average cuts? This will change the advice you get. 1. I would suggest looking at lots and lots of body-positive selfie-oriented tumblrs, not with a view to picking anything... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Okay, here is my experience with left environments and identity politics: Some of those people can be jackasses. Sometimes people can be shallow, sometimes there can be orthodoxies that are not sufficient to the needs of the day.... [more]
favorited 25 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

"People would say racist, homophobic, and misogynistic things in jest. It was like playacting, a kind of pretending to be racist that makes fun of both racists and those who are literal-thinking enough to not see that it is playacting. I... [more]
favorited 152 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Honestly, a problem with teaching novels is simply that not everyone likes the same novels and students can't choose. You'd never expect a random group of 25 adults to like the same book, but we essentially expect that of HS students.... [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Also, I hated everything we read that was "relevant to modern teenagers". "Modern teenagers" are a diverse crowd, and I was way happier with Jane Eyre, Oscar Wilde, sixties essays and the WWI poets than the... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I think it's great when students like books and obviously you should strive to provide a variety of books to appeal to a variety of tastes, but assuming the goal is to have students like or enjoy every novel they read kind of misses the point.... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

1. You could be imagining the hostility and caught up in some kind of weird feedback loop - you feel weird, they are a little bit remote, you feel weirder, they act remoter. This could be because you're more tense and anxious when you're within... [more]
favorited 22 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Oh, dude, I have no "lifechanging rehab mistakes", but I will tell you that totally failing to be accepted to graduate school* right out of college....it was a giant emotional disaster that put me in a really bad place for quite a... [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Those are really excellent. And she so obviously knows her stuff - it's not just "surreal" in some nebulous way, but stuff that could have been a Harper's Bazaar cover in the thirties (when Carmel Snow was very big on the surrealists) or a... [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - Last year

High-waisted pants have definitely come back in style - some of them skinny, some tapered. I don't know if they've fully caught on in the mainstream in a way that would mean mass productions but I say give it a few more years. But it's the... [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I want to point out that you don't need to feel guilty for having crushes on people, regardless of anyone's sexual orientation. (I used to feel guilty for having crushes on people - it more because I felt that I was so terrible that it was, like, an... [more]
favorited 8 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

China has a long, long history of being occasionally nouveau riche and authoritarian with some ajustments at the top in the name of "reform", See, I think this is a description that could apply to pretty much any... [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Just a piece of advice: I would tread very carefully when assuming that people are all white in these scenes, particularly if you yourself are white. I have seen way too many situations where someone assumes that a punk/crust/traveler/etc scene is... [more]
favorited 32 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

The first paragraph of this article immediately demolishes the argument of the remainder. The filmmaker set out to make a movie with an AI in it and, after doing research, realized that the technology behind the AI was irrelevant. I think... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Yeah, gee, it sure sucks when, like, marginalized people try to participate in academia by getting, like, a degree in literature instead of something "practical"! All those queer, women, working class and people of color PhDs should... [more]
favorited 83 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I struggle with something pretty similar, although there are some strong through-lines in my life and I'd say I've gotten somewhat better at follow-through over time. I guess I'd do some thinking about why nothing sticks - is it because... [more]
favorited 13 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I don't begrudge your feelings, but it's a list, and we all know that not all lists are for everybody, just like we all have different likes and dislikes, different wants and desires. This list is for people who think they might want to give some... [more]
favorited 24 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Oh, there's a Utah Phillips song about the Enola Gay. There's a lot of set-up in this live recording - the song begins at about 3:00. Also, REM has a song, Exhuming McCarthy, which is both about the McCarthy hearings and about Reagan and Iran... [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

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