Activity from Frowner

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What I'd actually do? Exchange some minimal small talk, feel horrible about myself, relive the original incidents repeatedly over the next couple of days and then continue in dread of seeing her. (Ask me how I know!) What you… [more]
favorited 7 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Of course not, but it definitely drives the conversation one way or the other. I have very few friends who are parents who spend a lot of time talking about things other than their children, at least at first. See, the thing is, I don't… [more]
favorited 42 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I just want to reiterate that there is no situation where you can't decide not to pursue an affair. If you pursue an affair, it is because you decided to pursue it - even if that just means "I really wanted this, so I put myself in… [more]
favorited 20 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

The thing I thought about during all this was how if you are a trans woman, particularly a trans woman of color, and you're in an altercation, you really could die, someone really could go from harassing you to killing you pretty easily… [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I'm really open about sex, and really think that it is performative, and that anything between consenting adult goes, and it's a spectrum, and all good and all of that--but it takes so much work to present a pro pleasure, fairly free… [more]
favorited 49 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Two things, one directly related: -if you are making frosting, coconut milk (added gradually in place of the liquid and part of the fat) will make your frosting glossier and more coconut-y. -it is possible that you are just in a coconut mood… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

And, btw, women don't just need to worry about 'locals' I've heard multiple reports of women being assaulted in hostels by fellow backpackers. Aw, dude, when I lived in China it was the white people I worried about, and the white people… [more]
favorited 13 times
MeFi comment - Last year

You might want to read up on the history of science. I find that when I remind myself of the Tuskagee study or eugenics or the whole "women have wandering wombs" or Charcot's lectures, for instance, or just the many recent instances of… [more]
favorited 24 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Of course there are quacks practicing and espousing these things. Western medicine has the same number of quacks (e.g., Dr. Oz). But dismissing entire systems of thought based on a few quacks is not exactly critical thinking, either. That… [more]
favorited 8 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year


(My point being that while gay men can actually be married now and have always been able to be dads, I've encountered a lot of fishing about marriage and children in a homophobic context, since frankly that type of homophobe tends not to grasp the… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I would tell HR - after the interview process. My immediate fear, given some familiarity with admin hiring, is that this dude was trying to find out if you were gay because he is homophobic and would use that to advocate against you. You must be… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - Last year


Other spoiler: it's just like Doonesbury cartoons from, like, the seventies. As nice as it is to have my prejudices gratified (that, at the highest level, capitalism - meaning actual capitalists, a small group of actually-existing people -… [more]
favorited 20 times
MeFi comment - Last year

(I just want to say that, like, I have met people from Sudan. This idea that "we can't actually import women from a crisis area who are themselves in crisis and therefore it's okay to have no Sudanese people here speaking about this… [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - Last year

What exactly are you advocating? Instead of printing this report, should the Nobel Women’s Initiative have compelled Sudanese rape victims to do a speaking tour in which they repeatedly recount the horrors they've gone through? I bet there… [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I'd suggest reading more Wolfe and doing a little research about other Big Important science fiction, since some of what he's doing is responding to those. (I've heard Jack Vance's Dying Earth referenced in this context, but have not read it… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Frowner, I think you and I define poly differently. I have been in many poly relationships where I was only involved with one other person (who happened to see others as well). We may move in different kinds of social circles or just… [more]
favorited 18 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I was thinking about this profile on the way to work this morning because I couldn't put my finger on why it didn't work for me. On reflection, it seems like a very distant profile - it's all about your intellectual interests, jokes about… [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Your profile seems really, really specific. It does not match up with the "dating is a numbers game" thing - I get the sense that you've crafted a profile so that one highly literate woman with a very, very specific background will… [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Also, here is a thing I learned late in life: many people, unlike me, don't develop huge crushes on people before going out with them so that they go into the relationship with a lot of feelings already. They just start dating someone who they like… [more]
favorited 24 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Oh my god yes, this is a massive, massive classic. Worth seeing on the big screen if you ever get the chance, absolutely. It's such a weird movie, and it has this bizarre optimism about frontiers - consider the ending sequence. I think part of… [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I have acquired pretty much all my friends through volunteer work/political activism and through teaching or taking small, specialized community-ed classes. This is partly because I am more likely to meet people who share my values, partly because I… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Up to that point in the article, I just thought it sounded, for my mostly-introverted self, exhausting. And really the province of the young, all those parties and late night shows and seeing in the dawn together. Not that this couldn't be part… [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - Last year

How do I tell when I'm being invited along as "the ugly friend"? I am never invited along as the ugly friend, although even in my young day I was plain, and now I'm butch and queer and of zero sexual interest to dudes. Why is… [more]
favorited 62 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I know you marked this as "done" but just in case - look, I hear you. I love to dance but I feel pretty self-conscious because I am basically kind of a weird-looking moderately fat person, so I worry a lot about dancing at least well… [more]
favorited 7 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Sure, I don't think anyone is disagreeing with that. But ignorance abounds in the world, so that very worthy goal doesn't seem attainable at this point. Remember during the last presidential election when lots of white people would say… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - Last year

That's a delightfully idealist and not at all practical idea. But it's especially non-practical when people who have the skills and time to become educated, and who have the sophistication to understand why it's kind and polite to do… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - Last year

This is something I hear people complaining about, but I'll be damned if I've ever actually encountered it in the wild. I think that it's a left internet gestalt thing - I don't think anyone is all "la la I shall create guilt to gain… [more]
favorited 40 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I think a lot depends on climate and the nature of your work. I am a total clotheshorse, so I have a lot of clothes anyway - but I have probably 1/3 more than I would in a less extreme climate - I have to have a small but complete wardrobe of… [more]
favorited 3 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I cannot even imagine. My precious and well-selected volumes - my first edition of Always Coming Home, my priceless sixties radical publications, my fascinating collection of minor feminist novels of the eighties - commingling with… [more]
favorited 19 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I don't quite understand this. What exactly does your self-deprecating sense of humor consist of? How does your stepson encounter it? Are you working in the living room when he is there? Is this more "I sometimes call myself The World's… [more]
favorited 44 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Every "Ask A Nurse" line I've ever called has always told me to go to the ER or the urgent care, regardless of my actual symptoms. They have never told me "keep an eye on it". I think there's liability concerns if they tell you… [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

But then of course there's the whole contemporary trope - which we might call the "transgressive bourgeois" - of someone who Has Their Own Taste, and is too Bold! and Individual! to like what the "tastemakers" approve of. I… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - Last year

(Also, the Wolverines are made in the US and the Fryes are so very not made in the US that they do not even specify where - so it's unlikely to be Italy or Mexico or anywhere with a reputable artisan shoe industry, more likely to be India or… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Also, what other changes has your presence made in the home routine? If the children are in school, they should be gone during most of the work day, right? Or do you work an off schedule? Prior to your moving in, did the sons have a lot of… [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

You sound like maybe you are relatively young? And maybe you have not dated a ton? Being relatively young and not having dated a ton do not entitle you to free cheating, of course. However, I think it's possible not to realize how much your… [more]
favorited 20 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I mean, my immediate guess based on my own adolescence would be "the kid is really stressed and angry because of the family situation and he feels a lot of ambiguity about his own father; you come into the picture, complicating things and… [more]
favorited 7 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

What I always think is that I would hate to be in this guy's position, because I think you'd have to be a really tough person with your head screwed on right in order to reject (or quickly redirect) the praise, money and awards you were getting… [more]
favorited 11 times
MeFi comment - Last year

David totally has visible chemistry with this one girl but again won't go there, he won't commit to exploring something deeper (she ends up realizing he can't give her what she needs and leaves the group). You might want to interrogate… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - Last year

The other thing that occurs to me on reflection is that this piece is written as if "the left" (or "liberals") were exclusively white people - as if there are no black voters or activists. It's really written with a tone of… [more]
favorited 12 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Still reading the FA but my first thought on reading the first paragraph was "so they hired a white dude to write a series on integration for Black History Month?". Maybe they could do something really radical like ask a black writer to… [more]
favorited 35 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Hooray, you have a new place! This internet stranger remembers your other questions and is glad something is going better! One thing I've learned about people that is probably also true in NYC: they like things to be easy and comfortable, and… [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

And to continue: I think it's really easy to feel that we're doing things because we're special snowflakes who make individual intelligent choices rather than because we're immersed in larger cultural currents. Every hipster is a hipster because… [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - Last year

I am not totally down with your increasingly-self-beating-up comments in this thread, though. Not knowing what this was, I can't say just how justified all the rending is - maybe you did something super-epic where you cost this person… [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I don't think I would include so much science fiction or honestly, even any fiction. I suppose there are arguments which could make me change my mind, but cannot think of one. Its an interesting question. I absolutely adore science fiction… [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - Last year

But seriously, this whole idea that "we" all need to be shaken out of "our" bourgeois state of ignorance and comfort really irritates me. Who has said this? The whole discourse of "art should [generically] 'push… [more]
favorited 12 times
MeFi comment - Last year

This is just one of those things where okay, yes, I get that art should push boundaries, I think that probably everyone could adjust to it if they saw it day after day, I can see that it does interrogate some stuff about bodies we… [more]
favorited 12 times
MeFi comment - Last year

(I just want to add that your organization - or family, or friend group, or whomever - is letting you down by refusing to be responsible for the harm that they've done. Even if this is something like "my sister was getting married and… [more]
favorited 10 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Blergh. The Ender is Hitler thing has always bothered me a bit much. Card fabricates an innocent perpetrator of genocide. That perpetrator then discover that he committed unwitting genocides and spends the rest of his life trying to atone for it… [more]
favorited 26 times
MeFi comment - Last year

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