Activity from Frowner

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I just wanted to jump in and say, for Chocolate Pickle or anyone else following along at home: you can be both trans and gay/queer/lesbian/bi. It only makes sense - gender and sexual orientation are different; there are a lot of, for instance, trans… [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Yes, but - okay, look, Justine Sacco gets shamed all over the internet for her racist tweet, and loses her job, and that's good, and all who participated should be proud of themselves. Cheryl Abbate gets shamed for her handling of a… [more]
favorited 51 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

You know, all this talk of Niccola Griffith reminded me - she used to participate in a feminist SF email list that I was on (and was very charming and friendly) and around the time The Blue Place came out, she apparently got a lot of… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I add that "despite what you've heard, you don't have to be an ugly fatso to be a woman in STEM - look, you can be really pretty" is a pretty screwed up message to send, and I feel like that's where a lot of these go. [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

They have a certain number of real-life actual employees and she's one of them, and if you think they could have done "better," I'd like you to provide some kind of meaningful proof that they chose her over somebody else and shouldn't… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

It's not sexed up, it's not more glammed up than those with her male co-workers, and if the implication is they should have picked some other, less pretty female engineer who works for them because Isis Anchalee is too pretty, that's insane and… [more]
favorited 19 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

It was a transparent attempt to sex up the tech world, some said… Except, you know, she was actually just an engineer wearing her own face. And this is the damned if you do, damned if you don't - if they'd used a photo of an average woman… [more]
favorited 18 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

As much as the pushback on the ad is stupid and horrible, I really wish that it was possible to show women in tech without having to start with the most conventionally beautiful engineer possible, or at least start by using a regular photo of… [more]
favorited 30 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I don't mean to gainsay you, as you have a very valid point. However, it's important for society to be informed that heteronormatively attractive women can also be smart & do things with their brains. They are sides of the same coin, part of… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

So, when I have eaten refrigerated fresh mozzarella and thought "this is very tasty and fresh-tasting and has a wonderful texture", I'm just being a rube, right? Purely on a selfish level, I would enjoy this type of article more if it… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Like a lot of people of my generation, I was routinely left in the car when my mother ran short errands - in fact, I'd often ask to stay in the car so I could read and not stand in line at the post office, etc. This was certainly happening… [more]
favorited 57 times
Ask MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Okay, can I tell an Ian McKellen-related anecdote here? It's actually pretty funny. So, at my university we had a long-time, beloved and very witty faculty member who, late in life, looked extraordinarily like McKellen, especially in… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Oh, I love her music. I remember when "My 1997" came out. It inspired me to make many mix tapes and CDs all called "My 1997" that were sort of riffs on what her music and lyrics made me think of. [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

From your question, it sounds as though the guy wanted you to record the interaction but you have no way of getting in touch with him? Why not shoot an email over to CopWatch? If he gets out of jail, he might conceivably check in there, for… [more]
favorited 9 times
Ask MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

For instance, today our customer experience team works a regular eight-hour shift, not 12. We supply our employees with laptops, they don't use their own. And we don't ask prospective employees to work a trial day before they are hired. Was it… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Another solution: live in an extremely porous Victorian house. Your house will develop an organic, local ecosystem of mice, bats, bugs and birds and your cat will be able to hunt with no input from you. Pro-tip: your cat will require a rabies… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I just want to tell you: every guy I ever dated seriously offered to marry me. In general, that made me feel trapped. I could have had four engagements by thirty if I'd wanted to, on much the same pattern that you have. I tended to date nice,… [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

The Jenkins boys were drumming softly on their congas to the hot breezy mood of the night air. Directly under the street lamp was an old beat-up folding card table where the Fletchers and the Andersons, lifelong friends and neighbors, were… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Vote for sane politicians who will have the willingness and ability to raise taxes, particularly on the wealthy, so that there can be real preventive programs and no fear that we won't have, e.g., lifeguards at the lake because all the money went on… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I definitely agree with the premise of the article. I also wish I had some injera right now. A little thing, though: the rise of restaurants in the US wasn't because people just somehow wanted to start eating tastier foreign food. Some of the… [more]
favorited 38 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I suspect that people are going to say that no one is ever "completely honest". How could we be? We're a constant mess of various thoughts and impulses, most of which have to be canalized so that we can function as a coherent self in the… [more]
favorited 34 times
Ask MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

(to clarify - it's not that every dude who can't cook has always had a woman to cook for him. It's that there is a cultural assumption that caretaking - of the body, the home, the emotions - is women's work and men don't need to learn it… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Frowner, agree, also the weird neotenous pastel thing that is going on in internet gender circles straight up gives me the creeps and while I'm willing to assume at least part of that is my internalized misogyny something is awry there. I… [more]
favorited 13 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I think one lurking issue too is that a lot of folks including me have rather undertheorized understanding of "femme". And I think femme-ness is a difficult concept, and there's a whole bunch of stuff entwined with it that's about… [more]
favorited 13 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I get where you're coming from, but I'm having difficulty seeing the difference between passing as straight at work during the week and partying it up with fellow queers on the weekend, you know? A lot of work environments are incredibly toxic to… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

All I said was that if you're starting from scratch then it's hard to know what are good, accurate sources for sex education. I think you guys are reading too much into my comment. The point is that women (or people living as women who do… [more]
favorited 27 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

There really isn't enough in this question to say anything for sure, and thus I'd recommend therapy - I'm not sure whether high-class talk therapy would be best since it might help you dig stuff out or whether it would just reassure you of your… [more]
favorited 14 times
Ask MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

do, in the end of the book, suggest that, if straight people want in on queer life, that’s about something more than homosexual sex. That’s about queer subculture, which is anchored to a long tradition of anti-normative political practices and… [more]
favorited 19 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

On a note slightly different from the gender angle - I've often thought that there should be a simple good-manners course available online or preferably in grade school which taught certain basic principles like "don't comment on people's… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Did you have a chance to read all of Diski's memoir stuff? There's part where Diski gets all freaked out and anxious and depressed and finally gets it together to ask Lessing, basically, "you've taken me in and my parents don't want me back and… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Try being fat and having RBF. It's like having an Invisibility Cloak. I don't really see this as a bad thing, though... RBF and visibly queer/gender-non-conforming? Also invisibility cloak! I've realized recently that people are usually… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Because I tend to apologize for everything, it's very difficult for me to sort out situations where I do need to apologize/feel bad and then apologize/feel bad appropriately. My default setting is "I did this and I am a bad person… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I am sort of like you - I fall in love long before there's sex or dating and I stay in love for a long time. It's not actually a good idea - maybe it worked well in, like, 1793 middle Europe or whatever, but even Goethe was getting some on… [more]
favorited 13 times
Ask MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

This all reminds me - soon it will be time for the state fair, and there are always adorable black rabbits and ducks and geese to visit, as well as usually some black chickens. Visiting the state fair always firms up my vegan resolve, because I… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

That's a black chicken, but it's not vantablack black. I believe you mean fuligin, the color that is darker than black. I personally wouldn't want a chicken that was like peering into the void - much less a chicken sandwich -… [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

The other thing is that I have a comparatively small mouth and, given the shape of my face, smiling to show my teeth is more of a terrible gurning grimace than anything else. I really have to consciously peel my lips back from my teeth and strain my… [more]
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MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

I am glad that the author acknowledges her insane privilege to have a "midlife crisis" because this essay came off as really whiny to me. Lots of people aren't done making mistakes when they are in their mid-20s, but there are people who… [more]
favorited 83 times
MeFi comment - 3 weeks ago

Delays really seem to impact Arctic drilling, though - it's tricky, the weather's rough, a lot of stuff can go wrong. "Maybe we can delay this boat for a while and it won't arrive in time to start by the last possible date, and that will buy us… [more]
favorited 40 times
MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

I'd be interested to read a report correlating the ratio of officer shootings which end up being unjustified in the aftermath, versus, say the deaths related to some surgeries. Leaving all else aside, the underlying issue is that a… [more]
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MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

I don't think we need to start making analogies with the civil rights movement to argue that blockades are legit. Indigenous people, in particular, have used blockades (as here) to push back against resource extraction, dumping and land theft… [more]
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MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

Like everyone else is going to say, it is not appropriate for your boyfriend to keep doing petty shit that bothers you - no matter how much he enjoys it. I think everyone else will also say that this rises above the level of "petty… [more]
favorited 24 times
Ask MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

I am wondering - I used to work (in a very entry-level capacity) for a life insurance company, and at least the company I worked for (US-based) would not have issued a policy on an adult child to the parents absent some very compelling reason (ie,… [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

Granted, it's understood that the standard they're intuitively tapping into is a more or less absolute one, and external guidance—Marmee, Pilgrim's Progress—can help them with navigation. That was what I was trying to get at - by… [more]
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MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

Wow, I wonder how much discrimination goes on in these places - even leaving out the "discrimination" aspect of the whole $4000/month luxury package, masseuse, etc. I wonder if they let, for example, fat people into the house. What about… [more]
favorited 21 times
MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

I don't know, the first person the author talked to doesn't sound very deft, but is actually significantly more honest than I think might be hoped for from a customer service person. "It’s just like the radio in your car. There are all kinds… [more]
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MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

Actually, we have conversations about how everyone should just go ahead and travel here on metafilter - they're usually couched as "so many Americans don't even have a passport, what hicks they are, not like me". And since having a passport… [more]
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MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

There's a specific type of guy that tends to like me: loner, outdoorsy, very loyal but not very observant. Seeing as the guys I'm crazy about inevitably break up with me after a month, do you think I should learn to love someone with some common… [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

You're getting older, and as you get older a lot of people around you will get wiser. That whole "I am only into you as long as you don't love me back" thing is much more common among younger folks with less relationship experience,… [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

Remember for example the scene where Jo gets so mad at Amy that Amy almost dies in an ice-skating accident. The moral of the episode is that Jo needs to watch her temper, but the anger was definitely there. Yeah, but that's seen as a moral… [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - 4 weeks ago

it seemed fine at first, until next time we were fooling around he suddenly tried doing anal stuff. Like, "secretly," as if I wouldn't notice. Does every guy do this? Seriously, I have had to have several Talks With Men -… [more]
favorited 30 times
MeFi comment - Last month

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