Activity from Frowner

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You know, we've been through this "it's enlightened, rational and modern to have open relationships" thing before, in the sixties and early seventies. It didn't work super-well for women. (I say this as someone who is actually in an open... [more]
favorited 51 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

A quick Wikipedia suggests that somewhere around 65% of Iranians are Persian - and I imagine more people in the capitol would be, due to regional differences - but it does seem like it's not nearly as much of a sure bet that someone in Tehran is... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

But if someone's inability to read about sexual violence means they can't read William Burroughs, Dennis Cooper, or Kathy Acker, then they should not pass a American Queer Literature class Wait, what? Seriously? Seriously?... [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I don't agree at all. The argument, as far as I can tell, is "what we now call world literature is a very recent phenomenon, itself a product of the end of the Cold War and neoliberalism; there are other things which have been different... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Listening to this without any real preconceptions yay or nay, it has that Glee/High School Musical sound. But it doesn't. I strongly suggest several listens (I mean, if you're the sort of person who does several listens) I... [more]
favorited 24 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I am also interested in the trigger warning as a cultural pattern, though, both in the ways that it oversimplifies and fetishizes consent and the ways that it figures the individual as always-ill. Like, it's totally okay to... [more]
favorited 150 times
MeFi comment - Last month

professors make any material involving classism, racism, sexism, ableism, etc. etc. 'optional'. Optional if it's not necessary. One good thing that all this business does, IMO, is it pushes us to rethink certain curriculum decisions.... [more]
favorited 53 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I can grumble with the best of them about the increasing number of administrators and part-time faculty in higher ed, but, to be honest, it's nice to have administrators dedicated to things like making sure Blackboard works, or that students are... [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - Last month

As an old person - well, old enough to seem old to you, by which I mean that I'm in my mid-late thirties - I'll let you in on a little secret: young people do not magically become totally sexually unattractive once you're out of your twenties. Nor... [more]
favorited 46 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

At this point in my life I don't believe that it's ethical for me to approach a woman in real life for basically any reason, because the likelihood that she will feel annoyed/harassed/threatened by me is so high and can't be reconciled with the... [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

And seriously - one way of being a good queer ambassador is not taking a lot of shit. There's a big difference between being friendly and approachable and willing to do a certain amount of 101 and putting up with fear and discomfort due to... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Something that might be useful if any Western mefites are reading this - if a mod can post approximately where you are, there might be someone who would be able to give you a ride if you needed it - hopefully you won't, but it doesn't hurt to have a... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I lived in Beijing in 2001-2002 and it was nothing like this. At this time of year, it was all bright blue sky and winter wind, and even at other times, I never noticed anything really bad. There was certainly pollution - but it was much better than... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I haven't watched this yet - it's on my List - but this passage? Does not make me want to watch it (I still will, I swear). Prison is just like college, (except with bars and guards and no freedom) and it's a learning experience that everyone... [more]
favorited 60 times
MeFi comment - Last month

What are your long-term expectations here? Is this a guy who would be a great stay-at-home dad while you make a high salary, for instance? Is he a guy who could get motivated to run a household? I have a relative who has a mediocre work history -... [more]
favorited 40 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Have you thought of getting two bags? I mean, I carry a mid-sized "grown up" messenger bag (this one, although I got mine used on eBay) and while I have certainly gone on long walks carrying it, I would not care to hike with... [more]
favorited 3 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

When I was your age I was just like you, including the worries. Right now, fifteen years on, I am able to be more emotionally present, spontaneously grateful, caring, etc, although I still need lots and lots of alone time. Here is the thing:... [more]
favorited 27 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

IME, really bad in-group culture and bullying is more common in the humanities, especially the snob humanities - comp lit, cultural studies, philosophy. I've observed several STEM programs in my work capacity, and while sometimes mentors/PIs can be... [more]
favorited 11 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Teaching him the lesson of "if you earn your own money it will just be taken from you later" might not be what you want to go for right now. This is what bugs me - if you take money the kid has already earned, you give the... [more]
favorited 39 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

One thing I learned from housing a friend who was in a situation similar to yours - in general, most people who have stable jobs and stable lives do not understand how hard it is to pull yourself up from disaster. They are not able to... [more]
favorited 81 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

This....does not sound like a great idea. You sound like you don't especially want to be friends with him, for one thing. You also sound like you're lonely enough that you might possibly get pulled into something with this guy out of inertia.... [more]
favorited 8 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

You think this is true love and fate and destiny and the only person you can ever be yourself around. I promise you that this is not. One of the weirdest things about having enough relationships/crushes/etc to see a pattern in my life is the... [more]
favorited 79 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

One of the officers threatened Shelly with prison—a particularly terrifying prospect for a transgender woman, who would be sent to a male facility—and then offered her a way out: she could set up her dealer, Qasim Raqib, and walk free that same... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I think different social circles tend to have different relationship patterns. Social circles may differ by age, politics, religion, race, nationality, class background, education level...and a variety of other things. My social circle prizes a kind... [more]
favorited 25 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Maybe I should just start treating women like shit, since they seem to enjoy it so much? No. You need to meet more self-actualized women, basically. The women who "enjoy" being coerced (really coerced, not your basic... [more]
favorited 43 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I add that, as a broad generality, the "famous person cheats on partner and leaves them for someone younger" thing is not something that women generally do. I view this as more a function of patriarchy than anything else, but lord... [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - Last month

Do not move home. Your mother and sister have poor job prospects where they are; yours will also almost certainly be lousy. Your mother and sister are, to a degree, responsible for taking care of themselves. You cannot step in and do daily... [more]
favorited 33 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I'd always put it down to Harry Potter, Dr. Who and BBC Sherlock - I've noticed this same uptick in semi-Britishisms myself. My theory has been that US fandom started using them fairly heavily and it spread from there.... [more]
favorited 3 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Actually, one of the reasons that social services in the US are so much shittier than they are in Europe is precisely that they are only for/used by the most marginalized. My biggest hope for Obamacare/Medicaid expansion is that as middle... [more]
favorited 39 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

(I just want to pop back in and say, OP, that it's perfectly okay to work only the hours that you're paid for, especially in a field where there's no advancement, bonuses or anything much to be gained by putting in extra time, and doubly so in a job... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Obviously, there's some local culture stuff around trigger warnings - I definitely know people who feel that they should never, ever be uncomfortable reading or watching something, and that no work of art with "problematic" content... [more]
favorited 35 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I mean, the voice of what generation? Who? People I knew who listened really seriously to Nirvana: 1. White alterna-suburbanites for whom Nirvana was the first non-radio-pop they could really access. (How I first heard Nevermind, in... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I'm just mainly concerned about social dynamics -- in every situation with multiple roommates there's always one person who picks out a scapegoat and another person who becomes that scapegoat. I can see why this might worry you. I don't... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Indeed, let's. Because revenge violence is very much about gender and the performance of it, and I would argue also about race and the intersections thereof. The people who feel free to dish out stalking and violence tend not to be socially... [more]
favorited 13 times
MeFi comment - Last month

Yeah, I think that it's easy to assume that people who get really upset about something are faking/oversensitive/etc, even if you yourself also have "triggers". But they are not, in general! And I think most people actually just... [more]
favorited 14 times
MeFi comment - Last month

(Rehabilitation in prisons does a number of things: it legitimates the prison ideologically because "it's not just about punishment"; it blunts criticism of other prison conditions; it exerts some social control over prisoners because it... [more]
favorited 15 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I think the thing that's irritating is that the sort of mefite who's going to click on a link to a blog full of medieval (or not) art is also the sort of mefite who's going having enough of a knowledge of European history to realise that the... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

(As someone who has been varying degrees of secretarial, I want to add that if you are expecting your secretary ( who is undoubtedly not trained to do this and probably makes a lot less money than you) to stop the people who you cannot stop, you need... [more]
favorited 36 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

(The two most promising projects I've ever been part of both broke down because of rape by a male organizer of a female organizer and the ensuing refusal of the other men in the project to deal with this. Both projects had previously had ongoing... [more]
favorited 27 times
MeFi comment - Last month

Don't go back to school! I went back to school after deciding that my original plan wasn't going to work out. I spent a lot of money but I'm not working in either of my degree fields, had to take an entry-level position, etc. My brother has... [more]
favorited 5 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

O.K., so, again, describe specifically what the policy will say such that the potentially negative consequences I can foresee are prevented. Will it specifically say that the policy is purely advisory and that the student has no recourse... [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - Last month

You didn't wrong the guy! He found out a truth about your life that he was uncomfortable with. That was a perfectly okay reaction for him to have, but it doesn't mean that you did something wrong to him. 1. I think that a lot of folks... [more]
favorited 17 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

See, this whole business is the result of a chronic inability to address the truths of capitalism. It's just like how the United States absolutely will not endorse a living wage or meaningful worker protections, so we sneak in social welfare... [more]
favorited 187 times
MeFi comment - Last month

For those who have had not the pleasure, Cooper depicts sex acts and sexualized violence in painstaking detail. I had to stop reading once I hit the three- or four-page excerpt of the book in which a character is, shall we say, manually... [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - Last month

This whole "but we can't have trigger warnings because they won't prevent everyone everywhere from being triggered" theme that's coming up here....well, yes, life is imperfect. The purpose of socialism, as Orwell remarked, is not to make... [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I think one reason to have a policy about trigger warnings is to push people to think about triggers. It would be nice if just saying to faculty "hey think about triggering material and be cautious" were enough, but some faculty tune that... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

And also, would you say the same of someone who was convicted of raping a child? If you're going to have courts, the courts themselves have to be above reproach. Otherwise, you might as well say "the police should arrest... [more]
favorited 11 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I'm female and most of my friends are guys, which honestly has a lot more to do with my internalized misogyny. I really grew up thinking that boys were better, "masculine" stuff was better, etc etc and so ended up very much a man's woman...I've... [more]
favorited 7 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

That last article is really neat. It breaks stuff out in just an excellent way (and also uses words to explain the graphs, which is good because I find it really hard to get information from graphs) and I particularly liked the way it built to the... [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - Last month

Oh look, seriously, I have ridiculous insecurity issues - and I can totally see the whole "I am not telling my parents about anything that might upset them even if it's a major part of my life, la la la" thing, and I have... [more]
favorited 47 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

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