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There are a whole range of expressions I picked up from books as a kid that hinge on "fair" as a conflation of white and good/beautiful: "He's the department's fair-haired boy so of course he'll get that section";... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

On September 24, 2012 Radiolab aired their Yellow Rain segment in an episode titled “The Fact of the Matter.” Everybody in the show had a name, a profession, institutional affiliation except Eng Yang, who was identified as “Hmong guy,” and me,... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Hi everyone--this is my first comment. I registered for an account because I've been waiting for years for someone to ask me this very question. A simply fantastic magical battle can be found at the end of the extremely under-rated,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Willing to put up with a control freak who organizes her personal life around lists. Also, I have a beloved friend who organizes their life around lists, maps and charts. Having a list and strong standards does not mean that you're a jerk... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

This? Is pretty awesome. Although also sad, because people, it is sad that a woman has to specify "don't become violent", "treat women equally", etc. Those things should be like "must be carbon-based life form".... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Oh, I love the Otto Dix lady! As a short queer person of indeterminate gender, I feel that I look a lot like the famous pre-war Otto Dix self-portrait. So anyway. I threw a Cold War themed party for a bunch of radical history types - the... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

And also, there are a lot of people out there who view their almosts and the people who had crushes on them as a sort of relationship-bank, from whence they can extract admiration and sex when they get bored. You were an "almost"... [more]
favorited 39 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

You should go in! You'll feel better about yourself, for one thing. Tell yourself that if it's really unbearable after X number of shifts, you can give notice and quit. Then see how it goes. If you really, really can't handle it, give yourself... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I am a woman and not only is being "treated as a woman" not really important to me, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Perhaps the problem was that I meant to write "trans women often feel" and did not... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Personally, I feel like there's an undercurrent in the essay of the the idea that male penetrative sex is inherently uncomfortable for women See, the sense I got from that part of the essay was "women are too non-revolutionary to... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I had Lyme disease when I was 13 (and it was still new, exciting and there was much less fear-mongering on the internet). I had neurological symptoms and a course of IV treatment. I never found a rash and only discovered that something was wrong... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

The funny thing is that in broad terms I actually agree with the premise of the article - sex in a white supremacist capitalist patriarchy doesn't escape the norms of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy! The increasing respectability of sex toys... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

And I think people reading it as heteronormative, etc., are just reading it wrong — it's trying to diagnose all kinds of cultural assumptions about sex (implicitly assumed to be hetero, penetrative, etc.), but it's not endorsing those assumptions.... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

It is part and parcel of a larger issue I have been processing for a while now - what does sex look like in a truly equal society? What would female sexuality - and my individual sexuality - look like if it was not so deeply shaped by everything... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

It seems like the moral quandary has a lot more to do with how you write the story and the character than the events of the story. Like, is this going to have a jokey "all the men want sex all the time because they are such dogs, and it's so... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I think the whiteness of Cook's Illustrated isn't necessarily "we never admit any furrin cuisine to these pages"; it's more how recipes are figured. Like, CI often "tones down" recipes to make them accessible - which is fine!... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Behind the completely unjustified snobbery and condescension of Kimball's attitude toward home cooks...lurks merely yet another male who wants to tell mainly women exactly what to do in the intimate settings of their private lives There's... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

You keep doing this — you're taking a critical claim that, in An's actual article, is clearly about the way sex toys are sold We may just have to agree to disagree - I feel like this is a piece with a very deep underlying discomfort about... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

This essay, it is extremely hetero- and cis-normative! Also, I feel like it privileges penetrative sex as the most serious, authentic kind of sex! Like, real serious people have partnered heterosexual cis-gendered sex, analyze the power... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

That is very happy-making. So is the one that mattbucher linked. While we're on the topic of moon poems, here is another one that I have always liked: Sad Steps By Philip Larkin Groping back to bed after a piss I part thick curtains, and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I know it's hard to let someone go without community recognition. And it's hard to have this secret! And it's hard to know that when G is gone, other people will wish that they had a chance to say goodbye and share their love and admiration for her.... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

When people say "I am not attracted to anyone of [race]", I always wonder what the hell that even means. Not even someone who was your ideal in every other way, both physically and personally? Not even someone who was really, really into... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Here are some poets I like: Cavafy, one of the great modern Greek poets. WH Auden ("As I walked out one evening/Walking in Bristol Street/The crowds upon the pavement/Were fields of harvest wheat...") Adrienne Rich ("A woman... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

What I notice: that everyone hates it when other people can see things about them that they may not entirely intend to be visible; and that it is very easy to confuse "see" with "judge". I think everyone's first thought on... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Just to be clear - both L and I have taken care of loved ones who have died of cancer in the past couple years. Believe me, I know how it is and how to keep secrets. And this is also why L and I were able to talk to each other about it. You... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Because I can hear the knees jerking: Frowner avoided saying that you should not critique feminists who are wrong. They said you should not make the critique about them--neither your own, new critique, nor the body of critique that the discussion... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I wonder if one's reaction to CI is about how one feels situated in the US food landscape. As a white middle-American person, I feel comfortable with many of the recipes that appear in CI - they read like the kinds of things my family would... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Weeeeeellll...I'm going to say that I've encountered "I am so mad I can't even talk to you" behavior (not directed at me!) when there's been a really big and obvious conflict - infidelity, secretly running up huge debts, etc. Even there,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

(I just want to add that part of the car-free mentality for me is never having to worry about a car. I don't have to find parking. I don't have to worry about snow days and tickets and getting towed. I don't have to worry about sudden... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I guess one thing I'd add is this: If you feel troubled by your flirting/serious girl-watching and feel that it messes with how you want your marriage to be, that is all the justification you need, and you don't need to argue in your head... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

If you're meeting "near you", that must be in/near downtown, where public transit in Chicago is particularly easy. 1. Why not walk them to the train, then go to your car? 2. Or, alternatively, walk or take public transit to the date... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Old Economy Steven has it better than his parents... and his kids. Those are pretty distasteful. They basically boil down to "this person got TOO MUCH because he had a job that paid a living wage, was able to own a home and could... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

You know, one of the hallmarks of genuinely nice men is this: when women talk about recurring misogyny and how much it sucks - even if those women are angry! even if those women do not qualify their every sentence! even if those women do not... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

I really like Chris Kraus. In some ways her work feels/still feels really eighties to me, like it belongs in Re/Search: Angry Women. And OMG the abjection. I hope she is not as abject in life. Or if we are all in fact that abject in life... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

If you feel the thoughts creeping into your mind, let them. Follow it all the way to inevitable outcome, the outcome that is not as positive as your first impulse is leading you to believe. This actually doesn't help me with problem... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I've always had a difficult time understanding how the idealism of their youth did a 180-degree turn. You could also add support of the Civil Rights movement and adoption of the second wave of feminism. (Although the leaders of these movements,... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

So, to interject rudely here - if we can't resell copyrighted material manufactured overseas, that means that all the used bookstores will fold overnight, right? Because they'll all have to do a huge amount of administrative stuff to separate out... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Yes, my dad was totes in the legislature, and my mom never had to work a day in her life...she was just a medical transcriptionist for kicks. Heck, bell hooks and Allan Berube and Sylvia Rivera are also to blame. And of... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Some of her behavior (the dancing, for example, and the shoving cutlery down the disposal) sounds a bit odd - could it be that she's not entirely well? She must be in her late twenties, and that seems like extraordinary behavior at that age.... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

cite? Cite which? I mean, I allege two things, although this isn't a very cite-heavy thread. I'd say that in this thread, the narrative about sixties radicals is very much "they all rebelled and then sold out and are... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Why does anyone want to join this organization? Even when I was a kid, it struck me as bizarrely regressive even for the seventies, like some kind of quasi-pre-military or the fast track for the Elks Club or something. Seriously, why does it even... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Okay, something bugs me here. Let's just assume that it's correct to interpret the poster's question as "my family and friends are pressuring me to dress better and wear make-up; I wouldn't mind doing this but I work a difficult job and have... [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

On the one hand, fuck a bunch of "women are the sex class and even seeing their clothed bodies makes it so that men can't function, plus this line of reasoning is a convenient stick to beat women with, plus god things". On the other... [more]
favorited 34 times
MeFi comment - Last year

Once again it is so weird to me that we've got two things at the same time: many, many black women saying that they do not feel represented in popular culture, that they would like to be represented as frequently/normally as white folks are,... [more]
favorited 53 times
MeFi comment - Last year

We all know that guy - I know a "that guy" who actually changed himself (by conversations, reading feminist books and a lot of self-reflection and hard work) and is, seven years later, a much nicer and happier person with a wonderful... [more]
favorited 53 times
MeFi comment - Last year

You should listen to THEESatisfaction. What about awesome people like Janelle Monae? She's more of a soul/pop/dance person but she has worked with Big Boi and her stuff certainly relates to hip-hop. Or The Coup. Or what about... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

Huh. I wonder who will be apologizing in twenty years for the cover-ups, forcing sick people off benefits and so on that Cameron is doing now. It's like an infinite cycle - government assholes protect themselves while they're in office and then a... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

As a sidelight on the whole thing: mere moments ago I was looking at one of the snobbish shoe blogs that I sometimes look at and found this gem of rhetoric: "...all Saint Crispin’s shoes are handcrafted by a small team of artisans, craftsmen... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

Now, I know that this is not men's styleblog orthodoxy, but I like J Crew's men's shirts. The fabrics tend to be soft and comfortable and I like their patterns. Sure it's no J Press or fancy Italian maker, but there you go.... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last year

(Oh, I just want to add that it is very easy to get worked up over injustices that seem new and strange and startling while letting pass the ones that are routine and familiar, even if those are worse. Like, is it worse to airbrush women out... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last year

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