Activity from Frowner

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A constant problem in these conversations is that most people don't actually have any kind of accurate understanding of left history, particularly but not uniquely communism. (I mean, it's difficult enough to have an "accurate"... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

general cruelty and all-around inefficient weirdness that Hogwarts has It's not just cruelty and inefficient weirdness, it's the way those are normalized. Like, if you read Orwell's essay on his private school experience, "Such,... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

For whatever reason - wanting to date you, wanting to keep you on a string - these dudes were putting down your SO in the hopes [the foolish hopes!] that this would make them seem available/interesting/attentive. And because they are terrible people... [more]
favorited 37 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

What I'd actually do? Exchange some minimal small talk, feel horrible about myself, relive the original incidents repeatedly over the next couple of days and then continue in dread of seeing her. (Ask me how I know!) What you... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Of course not, but it definitely drives the conversation one way or the other. I have very few friends who are parents who spend a lot of time talking about things other than their children, at least at first. See, the thing is, I don't... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I just want to reiterate that there is no situation where you can't decide not to pursue an affair. If you pursue an affair, it is because you decided to pursue it - even if that just means "I really wanted this, so I put myself in... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The thing I thought about during all this was how if you are a trans woman, particularly a trans woman of color, and you're in an altercation, you really could die, someone really could go from harassing you to killing you pretty easily.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

To add - I could say about myself "clearly I am broken, I should undertake years of therapy so that I can learn to enjoy this thing that everyone says I should enjoy, and in exactly the way that they say I should enjoy it" or I could say... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I'm really open about sex, and really think that it is performative, and that anything between consenting adult goes, and it's a spectrum, and all good and all of that--but it takes so much work to present a pro pleasure, fairly free... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

One of my dreams in life is to have enough time to spend in an area like this to "get in" with everyone, photograph them all, make a book and use the proceeds to help them. But I'm quiet and white and not very social, so all I'd wind up... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Two things, one directly related: -if you are making frosting, coconut milk (added gradually in place of the liquid and part of the fat) will make your frosting glossier and more coconut-y. -it is possible that you are just in a coconut mood... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

And, btw, women don't just need to worry about 'locals' I've heard multiple reports of women being assaulted in hostels by fellow backpackers. Aw, dude, when I lived in China it was the white people I worried about, and the white people... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Don't let her push you out into some disastrous situation. Looking at your past questions, it seems like you have had some really rough stuff happen recently. If the stress of dealing with your emergencies did in fact push her back into a PTSD... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You might want to read up on the history of science. I find that when I remind myself of the Tuskagee study or eugenics or the whole "women have wandering wombs" or Charcot's lectures, for instance, or just the many recent instances of... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Of course there are quacks practicing and espousing these things. Western medicine has the same number of quacks (e.g., Dr. Oz). But dismissing entire systems of thought based on a few quacks is not exactly critical thinking, either. That... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Hippie anarchist seeks fun times in Seattle!
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Ask MeFi post - 2 months ago

(My point being that while gay men can actually be married now and have always been able to be dads, I've encountered a lot of fishing about marriage and children in a homophobic context, since frankly that type of homophobe tends not to grasp the... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I would tell HR - after the interview process. My immediate fear, given some familiarity with admin hiring, is that this dude was trying to find out if you were gay because he is homophobic and would use that to advocate against you. You must be... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Cheap digital camera for listing things on eBay?
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Ask MeFi post - 2 months ago

Other spoiler: it's just like Doonesbury cartoons from, like, the seventies. As nice as it is to have my prejudices gratified (that, at the highest level, capitalism - meaning actual capitalists, a small group of actually-existing people -... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(I just want to say that, like, I have met people from Sudan. This idea that "we can't actually import women from a crisis area who are themselves in crisis and therefore it's okay to have no Sudanese people here speaking about this... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What exactly are you advocating? Instead of printing this report, should the Nobel Women’s Initiative have compelled Sudanese rape victims to do a speaking tour in which they repeatedly recount the horrors they've gone through? I bet there... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I'd suggest reading more Wolfe and doing a little research about other Big Important science fiction, since some of what he's doing is responding to those. (I've heard Jack Vance's Dying Earth referenced in this context, but have not read it... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Frowner, I think you and I define poly differently. I have been in many poly relationships where I was only involved with one other person (who happened to see others as well). We may move in different kinds of social circles or just... [more]
favorited 18 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I was thinking about this profile on the way to work this morning because I couldn't put my finger on why it didn't work for me. On reflection, it seems like a very distant profile - it's all about your intellectual interests, jokes about... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Your profile seems really, really specific. It does not match up with the "dating is a numbers game" thing - I get the sense that you've crafted a profile so that one highly literate woman with a very, very specific background will... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, here is a thing I learned late in life: many people, unlike me, don't develop huge crushes on people before going out with them so that they go into the relationship with a lot of feelings already. They just start dating someone who they like... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Oh my god yes, this is a massive, massive classic. Worth seeing on the big screen if you ever get the chance, absolutely. It's such a weird movie, and it has this bizarre optimism about frontiers - consider the ending sequence. I think part of... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I have acquired pretty much all my friends through volunteer work/political activism and through teaching or taking small, specialized community-ed classes. This is partly because I am more likely to meet people who share my values, partly because I... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Up to that point in the article, I just thought it sounded, for my mostly-introverted self, exhausting. And really the province of the young, all those parties and late night shows and seeing in the dawn together. Not that this couldn't be part... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

How do I tell when I'm being invited along as "the ugly friend"? I am never invited along as the ugly friend, although even in my young day I was plain, and now I'm butch and queer and of zero sexual interest to dudes. Why is... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I know you marked this as "done" but just in case - look, I hear you. I love to dance but I feel pretty self-conscious because I am basically kind of a weird-looking moderately fat person, so I worry a lot about dancing at least well... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Sure, I don't think anyone is disagreeing with that. But ignorance abounds in the world, so that very worthy goal doesn't seem attainable at this point. Remember during the last presidential election when lots of white people would say... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

That's a delightfully idealist and not at all practical idea. But it's especially non-practical when people who have the skills and time to become educated, and who have the sophistication to understand why it's kind and polite to do... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Here is a thing: I would not want to kiss a guy who "found most people boring" and rationalized his inability to tell people apart as "I am not interested enough to bother", the way you describe yourself doing in your other... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

This is something I hear people complaining about, but I'll be damned if I've ever actually encountered it in the wild. I think that it's a left internet gestalt thing - I don't think anyone is all "la la I shall create guilt to gain... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think a lot depends on climate and the nature of your work. I am a total clotheshorse, so I have a lot of clothes anyway - but I have probably 1/3 more than I would in a less extreme climate - I have to have a small but complete wardrobe of... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I cannot even imagine. My precious and well-selected volumes - my first edition of Always Coming Home, my priceless sixties radical publications, my fascinating collection of minor feminist novels of the eighties - commingling with... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I don't quite understand this. What exactly does your self-deprecating sense of humor consist of? How does your stepson encounter it? Are you working in the living room when he is there? Is this more "I sometimes call myself The World's... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Every "Ask A Nurse" line I've ever called has always told me to go to the ER or the urgent care, regardless of my actual symptoms. They have never told me "keep an eye on it". I think there's liability concerns if they tell you... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

But then of course there's the whole contemporary trope - which we might call the "transgressive bourgeois" - of someone who Has Their Own Taste, and is too Bold! and Individual! to like what the "tastemakers" approve of. I... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Also, the Wolverines are made in the US and the Fryes are so very not made in the US that they do not even specify where - so it's unlikely to be Italy or Mexico or anywhere with a reputable artisan shoe industry, more likely to be India or... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, what other changes has your presence made in the home routine? If the children are in school, they should be gone during most of the work day, right? Or do you work an off schedule? Prior to your moving in, did the sons have a lot of... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You sound like maybe you are relatively young? And maybe you have not dated a ton? Being relatively young and not having dated a ton do not entitle you to free cheating, of course. However, I think it's possible not to realize how much your... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Of course, it would be a bidding site. Not enough to be a place where broke and displaced academics sell their work, it has to be a place where broke and displaced academics strive to undercut each other so they can sell their work for the... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Well, canonically, the anarchist SF novel is Ursula Le Guin's The Dispossessed. I think it's worth reading simply because it is so influential. Some books I would read: Stars In My Pocket Like Grains of Sand by Samuel Delany. I... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I mean, my immediate guess based on my own adolescence would be "the kid is really stressed and angry because of the family situation and he feels a lot of ambiguity about his own father; you come into the picture, complicating things and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What I always think is that I would hate to be in this guy's position, because I think you'd have to be a really tough person with your head screwed on right in order to reject (or quickly redirect) the praise, money and awards you were getting.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, what the fuck is it in these conversations that it always comes around to "but maybe he was just socially awkward?" A good mental trick for me in other contexts has been reminding myself to stop identifying with the... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

David totally has visible chemistry with this one girl but again won't go there, he won't commit to exploring something deeper (she ends up realizing he can't give her what she needs and leaves the group). You might want to interrogate... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

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