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The anecdote that serves as my model for union resentment is from a friend who in college had a food service job where he worked the same number of hours as the union workers, was not allowed to join the union due to an agreement between the... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

What are the actual lived consequences of knitting in meetings and conversations? Does it put you at risk professionally? If it doesn't, I would suggest much more that you go ahead and knit, telling yourself firmly that you really need to do this... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

During riot grrrl, I always felt like a fat, ugly failure because the whole punk feminist narrative seemed to be about these pretty, femmey girls in mini-skirts talking together about how men harassed them while wearing clothes I could never hope to... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

(It strikes me that if SpaceX has no rocket scientists - or insufficient rocket scientists - the cost is immediate and very, very high. If Soylent is sorta-kinda-good-enough and then later they discover that it's really not quite good enough, they... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

So, we got a navy suit, a new white shirt and a - this is going to sound weird, but it's way quieter than it sounds - light grey and blue plaid silk tie. We also got a medium gray suit since there was a nice one on sale and he really had only... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Cyclists should not be able to roll through stop signs and red lights in urban environments because, HELLO, there are pedestrians with the right of way and the reasonable expectation that someone is not going to mow them down because "it is... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

For me, and for the other fabulous cuties I know who self-identify as femme, femme is defined however you darn well please. See, the thing that frustrates me a little bit about this is when I get caught up in discourses where people are... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

It's funny - I see lots of women who engage with men on this stuff - most of the places I visit on the internet, for instance, are rife with conversations between women and men about gender. There are whole feminism 101 blogs out there, too.... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

If I had to do this out of the blue, I would probably buy some Eileen Fisher secondhand via Ebay - or Eileen Fisher-like clothes in general. By which I would mean"slouchy" pants (which seem to be having a moment in real fashion as well as... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

(Oh, a key feature at the time was an atmosphere of emergency - "we don't have time for your gender issues now, what is important is stopping [Big Local Quite Genuinely Very Bad Thing]". Women being safe and "feminine"... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I have seen a few posts from people taken from online discussions and reposted on Twitter for mockery. Many of them say that this is the fault of women - that we aren't nice enough, are too quick to dismiss disaffected young men. And that's made... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

(Also, I thought the post the Graeber was responding to on CT was really patronizing in tone and if it had been aimed at me, I probably would have stewed over it until I did something really stupid, rude and lacking in self-control, just as he... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

And it just shows to go you that you might as well be a Lenin, because when you try to create social change legitimately and with reasonable concessions to the elites, those same elites and their US assistants come and murder you.... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Hi OP. I thought I'd hop back in because I notice that you responded to the one comment in all the list that was accusatory towards you, the one comment which suggests that you are lying to yourself, making excuses, etc etc, and should have... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I am also intrigued that you call out pointy fingernails and sea witch as alluring. I think there's a strong tradition of the alluring "grotesque" - it's the allure of the grotesque that gives it power and also makes it hated,... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

There are black folks on pintrest .. some black people play croquet ... some black people have cats This is why a lot of that "lol white people" stuff done by white people bothers me. "Ha ha, yes, white people are so... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

You have only to read Marc Cooper's account of being in Chile during the coup, working as one of Allende's translators, to realize that the US embassy in Chile knew what was going down. More, the embassy turned away US citizens who... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

This is totally misogyny week, isn't it? Because that's misogynist. If the dude thought that another guy had, like, had a bleeding ingrown hair on his leg or something, he would not have left the note. He left the note because he was all "ew... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I usually wish my exes, former friends, former comrades, etc, "the best". Why wouldn't I? Now, if it's turned out that they are racists or sexual harassers or otherwise evil and that's why we parted company, why then, yes, I would not... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

You know what? I think it was totally appropriate to say what you did and I think you should follow up, although probably via the "would you like to see your career crash and burn" route rather than the "OMG that is so... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I really appreciate all the advice, but I think I may not have expressed myself well? Actually, that is the problem. I don't express myself well, especially not verbally. And so even on subjects I know something about, I end up floundering, or the... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Don't let her push you out into some disastrous situation. Looking at your past questions, it seems like you have had some really rough stuff happen recently. If the stress of dealing with your emergencies did in fact push her back into a PTSD... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

And a third thing (if I may, and then I'll knock it off): I think men do need to have some clumsy, uncomfortable conversations full of "OMG I never realized that" moments and "actually male privilege is real" and... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

To continue, actually - I think that getting to a point where we-as-privileged/as-oppressors can manage our feelings and not demand attention/validation from the people we're privileged over - that's some pretty important emotional work right... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Just on a personal level, I think that if people are going to be casually racist after many requests that they knock it off, they don't get to borrow my stuff. If there's absolutely zero consequences - "Loony complains, we all laugh and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

And I want to add that gender divisions do exist. Believe me, I know - I'm right up at the sharp end of them. [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I think asking him why he doesn't like brushing his teeth would be a good first step - ask him to really, really think about it. Is it some kind of buried power issue? Like, he unconsciously feels that he is "showing" a controlling... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I'm not sure how it works in the UK, but in the US, employer-sponsored health insurance charges everyone the same premiums. A subsidy for going to the gym 4 times a week would effectively be a back-door rate increase on women and parents of young... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

That was really good. I usually don't like those "fairytale villains justify themselves in a comic/ironic/postmodern register" stories, but this one was great!... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

For a couple of years I used to do some movement photography and video at protests and events - partly for documentary purposes, partly for legal (ie, documenting interactions with cops). I wasn't especially good at it and didn't have a fast enough... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I like the wonky old-school interface used here. It's easy to read lots of content and it's easy to scroll through. No infinite/perpetually-loading scroll, no blinky things on the sides. I sincerely hope that this shake-up doesn't con anyone into... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Perhaps the mens could listen to each other rather than insist that women listen to them. Such woman as feel, at any given point, that they are in the mood for a little feminism 101 can listen to the mens - and who among us is not occasionally... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I think the trouble with tumblr is that it combines the worst aspects of the echo chamber and the generic-newspaper-comments-section - everyone can see all the cruel and offensive sludge that everyone else posts while also each developing... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Maybe I've been around "too many" genderqueer people, but I found this quite boring and unoriginal. "I'm wearing a green cotton dress" and "I go shopping in the women's department at the GAP"? Who cares. This breaks... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

If this dude were me, I would be all "oh hey, I would like to be real-friends with Sabina - and it might be weird to ask her somewhere if she didn't meet my girlfriend". A day trip is a lot, I know, but when I was in school,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Does your boyfriend absolutely have to visit? Can you visit him? Two approaches (among many, no doubt): If your boyfriend is the kind of person who really viscerally gets "families are [sometimes] terrible, parents are terrible" and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Glass is more likely to be a problem for me on a subway or in a Starbucks because, whoops, I wore a skirt or a scoop neck T-shirt and I bent over to pick up some litter. Tease. I find myself wondering how ubiquitous personalized... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

In addition to talking to your husband, why not talk to a financial planner, together and separately? Getting someone else's perspective on "okay money" would probably be clarifying. It's also worth having your own exit strategy. What... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

A thing: when you say " a lot of men hate women", I have noticed that men often respond by saying "oh, that's not true, men want to have sex, men want to have relationships, how can they do that and still hate women?" But the... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

You have to ask yourself what you want from forgiveness. One reason I'm skeptical about later-in-life apologies - and I was bullied pretty badly, plus experienced a couple of significant friend betrayals in my teens - is that so often they're... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Yeah, I think the concert is enough! Also, probably once you've met the girlfriend, either you and she will hit it off and hanging out will seem fun or it will seem much more natural to transition to "hey work friend, let's grab pizza after... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

You think this is true love and fate and destiny and the only person you can ever be yourself around. I promise you that this is not. One of the weirdest things about having enough relationships/crushes/etc to see a pattern in my life is the... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

"Bigot" is the right word not because it's bigoted against white people but because the assumption that Asian cooks are somehow more naturally suited to make food from their home country than other people is a ignorant stereotype that... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

But HIV infection rates have gone back up among younger gay men (and men and women of color!). Isn't that the Scandal of Larry Kramer, that he says this over and over in public and that he says that certain types of casual sex are unsafe and... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Re: helmet: I dunno, doesn't this fall under the same sort of thing as seatbelt laws? Seems like as much a good-of-society thing (traumatic brain injuries having much higher monetary and social costs than a new helmet) There are... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

If you have a waffle iron, these puff pastry savory waffles that serious eats has been talking up look really good and would be easy to veganize. I have not made them, but I think the puff pastry savory vegan thing idea is great - I, a vegan, would... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Vegan empanadas? I made mini ones for an event (about 3" in diameter) and they were not actually that much work - I think medium-sized ones would be even less work. I actually made these and the filling was a lot of work - but if I... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Talk about an expense of spirit in a waste of shame. I understand capitalism, I understand why this is, like, a career (although I hope all those kids get benefits and aren't just contractors) but jesus god, shilling for a corporation in... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Thanks for posting that essay! I really like her work, and what a great list of writers - even now, I feel like it can be difficult to find work by writers of color and writers from outside the US or sometimes even find out lists of names. On... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I bet a women's seersucker suit with cropped pants would be great for summer too. If I were thinner and richer and looking to dress this way, I would wear men's styles but cut for women - simple pants suits with masculine detailing in... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - Last month

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