Activity from Frowner

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It still seems strange to me, because I have zero interest in the first thing and think of the second one (caring for each other) as the basis of any relationship, but maybe I already have non-traditional relationships. Oh god the emotional... [more]
favorited 221 times
MeFi comment - Last month

For me a good first step in not being That White Person or That Masculine of Center Person (at which I do not always succeed) has been finding points of resistance within myself and trying to get at why...by which I mean, if I find myself... [more]
favorited 41 times
MeFi comment - Last month

Frowner, what part of Indiana are you from? I'm from Warsaw and other "parts north" and this is the first I've heard of persimmon pudding. To reply very late - I am not personally from Indiana since my dad had moved for work by... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

It's really hard to make and keep friends, especially if you're at all introverted or awkward - I mean, it's hard for everybody. You aren't broken. A lot of people who seem to have many friends really have many friendly acquaintances. I... [more]
favorited 16 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You have to ask yourself what you want from forgiveness. One reason I'm skeptical about later-in-life apologies - and I was bullied pretty badly, plus experienced a couple of significant friend betrayals in my teens - is that so often they're... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think it's possible that some folks - especially male folks - may not have experienced the sustained, socially-inappropriate attentions of a creepy guy. It can be really stressful and it often escalates. Not only are your lunches no longer... [more]
favorited 96 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Many of these dealbreakers make me think "but that wouldn't bother me if I liked the person enough"...but perhaps that's because I tend to know people fairly well before we actually progress to dating. Vis-a-vis books: None the less,... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Flavorless gruel, all the way! Actually, I have been hoping that someone will ask this question, because I have been making a particularly delicious side dish lately - sweet potato hash. It's not really hash browns because sweet potatoes... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Well, okay, the hygiene and failure-of-hinting one made me feel really, really ill. That and the Romney one, boom. I dread dating a serious vegan, as I mostly cook vegan but have cheese-based lapses. I assume that most of these are really... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think one reason I'm uneasy with value-judgment-osexualities is that when you add "osexual" to something, you're using language to suggest that it is in some way more inherent/hard-wired than cultural. You're attempting to give it some... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

the pontifical-Chomsky-dude (he's usually Ben) Oh my god, Chomsky dudes are so often Bens, it's horribly true. On the other hand, I know the most wonderful Ben in the world. Perhaps Bens are either very good or very bad?... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I guess my question is, why does anyone have to interrogate their attraction or lack thereof? Isn't the whole point that your sexuality is your business and not the business of anyone you aren't sleeping with or trying to? Seriously, if... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

There's an interesting double game here, because I think you're right, claiming a mere preference as an identity can have that "sheilding" effect. But only the person having the desire can possibly know how profound, how fundamental, a... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I'm wondering why you're going to "saying that we should be somewhat thoughtful about where our sexual preferences come from is the same as browbeating people to sleep with you". If I'm thinking about how I learned that [category]... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I guess what I'd add to my comment upthread is that putting a little bit of pressure on yourself about why you're attracted to people is also a political thing. Like, it doesn't make sense for me to ask myself whether I should be attracted to some... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

On a lived-experience level, it is so difficult to sort out all the many things that attract one to a particular individual that it seems deeply problematic to say "I am a cis-lesbian-o-sexual, I am hardwired to be incapable of being... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

So this is just a fascinating question - I had missed the guilt/dating piece on a first read-through. Why are you dating this person? Since no one really lives up to your standards, they probably don't either - are you dating them because you're... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Yes, stop doing things for people. I often feel unappreciated - like you, I'm the nice one. I host events, I lend money, I lend a listening ear, I am really good at making sad nerdy people feel special and loved, I give people stuff, I cook...de... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Unless you're into a sort of Samuel Delany-novel-esque radically-different-intelligences thing, like, how does that "sapiosexual" business not just trigger your own anxieties way too much? What if you're all "well I am sapiosexual so... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I mean, I think there's all kinds of stuff to parse out here: 1. Fad - we're having kind of a nineties moment, and it's the nineties moment of that Calvin Klein gender-neutral perfume and bowl haircuts, plus "androgyny" becomes... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Although mainly what this thread has done for me is to get a particularly earwormy version of Pete Shelley's "Homosapien" stuck in my head.)... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I am always astonished by the number of people who want to survive the apocalypse. It sounds even worse than the apocalypse itself; better to one of the ones to go first before you've had to spend months fighting zombies or whatever with 2 bottles... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Wages, in fact, are a way of giving people money. [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Pay attention to how much respect and attention you accord to women who don't fall into your "real person/fuckable" category - pay attention to how you treat elderly women, for instance, or women of a different subcultural demographic, or... [more]
favorited 57 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It's not just corruption - if the problem were just that Americans were buying Mexican drugs, it would be a much smaller problem. It is the active support of the US government for the Mexican state as long as the Mexican state goes... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

This is the key, though: qualifying for a lot of the best paid government jobs generally requires a graduate degree. So this is financial policy that makes the upper-middle class richer and more secure, by inefficiently paying them (okay, us) a... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(I add that while I was helping a friend with some benefits stuff, about half the case workers we encountered were just awful and one was overtly racist; but the rest were either okay or actually good - like the woman who tipped us off to a bunch of... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

My parents actually refused to let me play D&D in the late eighties because it might lead me down "dark paths" and then said something about it eroding your ability to tell reality from fantasy. Knowing my parents, I am dead sure... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago


Anger, too, as tanktop points out upthread. Are you angry? Again, difficult to spot, especially since you, on technical points, have everything. You could be angry for stupid reasons, of course - some sense of entitlement that you never... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Responding to the apologies by generating a giant list of paranoid charts and passive-aggressive self-righteousness about "healing" is just shit-stirring. I don't know - I'm not sure I would have believed any of this without some... [more]
favorited 17 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Also, "My family: etc" is interesting. Which of the many listed failings do you attribute to them? Are you close to your family? Are they similar to you in any way? Obviously, these are questions for you, not questions to... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

And the tar sands exist because the corporate-political complex is able to use money and force to externalize cost. In accounting, a big debate is "how do you determine the cost of a product?" and the rubric is "all the costs that... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It sounds as though a core problem is the way lunch is served in schools - kids get very little time for lunch (25 minutes to get food, eat, toss food away), schools may not even have actual full-service kitchens and (if my experience is anything to... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(To clarify a thing: the production of a right-wing working class is both about widespread ideology (so that everyone assumes that the working class is right wing) and producing actual right wing-ness in working class people through jailing and... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Ie, it's never about consumer "choice"; it's always about producer power - who has the power to allocate what costs. [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(I always wonder - as a queer and gender-non-conforming person with a pink collar union gig - just how successful I would be in a "working class" bar....since "working class" here never means, like, "class mixed queer... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Sorry, just going by what I see with my own eyes at the cinema. If it was middle-aged Latino Catholic priests with pencil-thin mustaches I witnessed reacting the same way, I'd have said, "The idea that you have to make middle-aged Latino... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Your advisor has more duty of care to you than you have to him. Yes, it's a huge drag that you are leaving work undone, and I understand that he will be inconvenienced and disappointed. However, if the work is genuinely pushing you into depression,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I wonder, did Sassoon write this before or after the end of the war? It's dated 1918: THE boys came back. Bands played and flags were flying, And Yellow-Pressmen thronged the sunlit street To cheer the soldiers who’d refrained from... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I had some terrific donuts in San Francisco one time. Really good. I thought the shop was Vietnamese but perhaps that was my ignorance and it was run by Cambodians. There was a buttermilk donut, I wish I had such a buttermilk donut right now.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

One of the most fascinating things about the internet is that stuff like "the enclosure acts happened" and "wage labor is a historical phenomenon" and "famines are political more than natural phenomena", or even... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What happens when there aren't enough people left making enough money to buy all the products being produced? I guess that's when all the superbillionaires blast off on their spaceship made of gold to conquer new planets. There was a Dianna... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Unlike Howard Dean, who transparently does "understand the American people" - whatever that means. Which people? What is meant by "understand"? If you "understand" a group of people who have terrible... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Just for your future reference - if you have boots with smooth leather (or rubber - just can't be plastic) soles, you can take them to a cobbler and have the cobbler attach a treaded sole cover. Covers of various thicknesses are available, ranging... [more]
favorited 5 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Do you know the name of anyone in AP? Can you call them? If this is anything like AP where I work, it's almost certainly negligence rather than malice - someone has been out sick and this is "their" responsibility so no one else has... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I don't like Lena Dunham. I think she's racist, I find her writing annoying, I think she benefits hugely from race and class privilege. That said, I'm not entirely comfortable with several things about this most recent business: 1. The implicit... [more]
favorited 58 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Wouldn't you get sick eating two meals a day at Olive Garden? Leaving all else aside, I feel sick if I have to have two [vegan, relatively wholesome but not, like, miso and massaged kale] restaurant meals in a day, and I can't imagine eating... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

And then, of course, imagine the services that will be needed to sustain the army of laborers who work for the tech bros - we'll all be dishing up cheap garbage slop that we cook in a burnt out oil drum in the alley, or hand-washing their UberWashio... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Weeeeeellll...I'm going to say that I've encountered "I am so mad I can't even talk to you" behavior (not directed at me!) when there's been a really big and obvious conflict - infidelity, secretly running up huge debts, etc. Even there,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

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