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Activity from Frowner

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You know what? I think it was totally appropriate to say what you did and I think you should follow up, although probably via the "would you like to see your career crash and burn" route rather than the "OMG that is so... [more]
favorited 13 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I really appreciate all the advice, but I think I may not have expressed myself well? Actually, that is the problem. I don't express myself well, especially not verbally. And so even on subjects I know something about, I end up floundering, or the... [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

Don't let her push you out into some disastrous situation. Looking at your past questions, it seems like you have had some really rough stuff happen recently. If the stress of dealing with your emergencies did in fact push her back into a PTSD... [more]
favorited 8 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

And a third thing (if I may, and then I'll knock it off): I think men do need to have some clumsy, uncomfortable conversations full of "OMG I never realized that" moments and "actually male privilege is real" and... [more]
favorited 5 times
MeFi comment - Last month

To continue, actually - I think that getting to a point where we-as-privileged/as-oppressors can manage our feelings and not demand attention/validation from the people we're privileged over - that's some pretty important emotional work right... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

Just on a personal level, I think that if people are going to be casually racist after many requests that they knock it off, they don't get to borrow my stuff. If there's absolutely zero consequences - "Loony complains, we all laugh and... [more]
favorited 29 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

And I want to add that gender divisions do exist. Believe me, I know - I'm right up at the sharp end of them. [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I think asking him why he doesn't like brushing his teeth would be a good first step - ask him to really, really think about it. Is it some kind of buried power issue? Like, he unconsciously feels that he is "showing" a controlling... [more]
favorited 5 times
Ask MeFi comment - Last month

I'm not sure how it works in the UK, but in the US, employer-sponsored health insurance charges everyone the same premiums. A subsidy for going to the gym 4 times a week would effectively be a back-door rate increase on women and parents of young... [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - Last month

That was really good. I usually don't like those "fairytale villains justify themselves in a comic/ironic/postmodern register" stories, but this one was great!... [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - Last month

For a couple of years I used to do some movement photography and video at protests and events - partly for documentary purposes, partly for legal (ie, documenting interactions with cops). I wasn't especially good at it and didn't have a fast enough... [more]
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MeFi comment - Last month

I like the wonky old-school interface used here. It's easy to read lots of content and it's easy to scroll through. No infinite/perpetually-loading scroll, no blinky things on the sides. I sincerely hope that this shake-up doesn't con anyone into... [more]
favorited 184 times
MeFi comment - Last month

Perhaps the mens could listen to each other rather than insist that women listen to them. Such woman as feel, at any given point, that they are in the mood for a little feminism 101 can listen to the mens - and who among us is not occasionally... [more]
favorited 15 times
MeFi comment - Last month

I think the trouble with tumblr is that it combines the worst aspects of the echo chamber and the generic-newspaper-comments-section - everyone can see all the cruel and offensive sludge that everyone else posts while also each developing... [more]
favorited 31 times
MeFi comment - Last month

Maybe I've been around "too many" genderqueer people, but I found this quite boring and unoriginal. "I'm wearing a green cotton dress" and "I go shopping in the women's department at the GAP"? Who cares. This breaks... [more]
favorited 33 times
MeFi comment - Last month

If this dude were me, I would be all "oh hey, I would like to be real-friends with Sabina - and it might be weird to ask her somewhere if she didn't meet my girlfriend". A day trip is a lot, I know, but when I was in school,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Does your boyfriend absolutely have to visit? Can you visit him? Two approaches (among many, no doubt): If your boyfriend is the kind of person who really viscerally gets "families are [sometimes] terrible, parents are terrible" and... [more]
favorited 32 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Glass is more likely to be a problem for me on a subway or in a Starbucks because, whoops, I wore a skirt or a scoop neck T-shirt and I bent over to pick up some litter. Tease. I find myself wondering how ubiquitous personalized... [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

In addition to talking to your husband, why not talk to a financial planner, together and separately? Getting someone else's perspective on "okay money" would probably be clarifying. It's also worth having your own exit strategy. What... [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

A thing: when you say " a lot of men hate women", I have noticed that men often respond by saying "oh, that's not true, men want to have sex, men want to have relationships, how can they do that and still hate women?" But the... [more]
favorited 43 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Yeah, I think the concert is enough! Also, probably once you've met the girlfriend, either you and she will hit it off and hanging out will seem fun or it will seem much more natural to transition to "hey work friend, let's grab pizza after... [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You think this is true love and fate and destiny and the only person you can ever be yourself around. I promise you that this is not. One of the weirdest things about having enough relationships/crushes/etc to see a pattern in my life is the... [more]
favorited 80 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

"Bigot" is the right word not because it's bigoted against white people but because the assumption that Asian cooks are somehow more naturally suited to make food from their home country than other people is a ignorant stereotype that... [more]
favorited 24 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

But HIV infection rates have gone back up among younger gay men (and men and women of color!). Isn't that the Scandal of Larry Kramer, that he says this over and over in public and that he says that certain types of casual sex are unsafe and... [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Re: helmet: I dunno, doesn't this fall under the same sort of thing as seatbelt laws? Seems like as much a good-of-society thing (traumatic brain injuries having much higher monetary and social costs than a new helmet) There are... [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If you have a waffle iron, these puff pastry savory waffles that serious eats has been talking up look really good and would be easy to veganize. I have not made them, but I think the puff pastry savory vegan thing idea is great - I, a vegan, would... [more]
favorited 3 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Vegan empanadas? I made mini ones for an event (about 3" in diameter) and they were not actually that much work - I think medium-sized ones would be even less work. I actually made these and the filling was a lot of work - but if I... [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Talk about an expense of spirit in a waste of shame. I understand capitalism, I understand why this is, like, a career (although I hope all those kids get benefits and aren't just contractors) but jesus god, shilling for a corporation in... [more]
favorited 7 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Thanks for posting that essay! I really like her work, and what a great list of writers - even now, I feel like it can be difficult to find work by writers of color and writers from outside the US or sometimes even find out lists of names. On... [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I bet a women's seersucker suit with cropped pants would be great for summer too. If I were thinner and richer and looking to dress this way, I would wear men's styles but cut for women - simple pants suits with masculine detailing in... [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What about either the kind of suit (tuxedo/smoking jacket) that already carries a strong suggestion of Marlene Dietrich/androgyny or sort of "Katherine Hepburn masculine" - silk shirt (undarted, men's or mannish) and wide-legged,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, the no-failiest thing I've ever made (that wasn't candy - would you be interested in candy recipes?) is these Cooks Illustrated raspberry bars. I make them vegan by subbing in any kind of vegan butter, and I double the quantities of jam and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I assume women just...hold it until they get home? Since public urination doesn't seem to be so much an option? While peeing in front of everyone and potentially messing up the drinking water is bad, it also strikes me as bad that women appear to... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Plus, I add, the discount wouldn't even pay for gym membership! [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Testament of Youth by Vera Brittain is an account of how she came to be a nurse first in England and then at the front during WWI. You may find that it starts slowly, but its cumulative effect is tremendous. Goodbye To All That, by Robert Graves,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Speaking as someone who never had kids, it seems like if people gave serious thought to what it means to have kids and raise them to adulthood, the population rate would plummet. I'm amazed and frequently shocked by the cynical-to-hateful things... [more]
favorited 26 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

TL;DR: The Hipster is not an identity; it's a problematic value judgment arising from the expectation that intellectual class and race should equate to economic class. See, this whole thing almost has it - but basically, it seems... [more]
favorited 33 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

My dad's best friend got to live on through organ donation doing just this. Been about 15 years now. Yes, of course. And I know someone young and otherwise healthy who was badly injured by a fall in the shower, and my mother knew... [more]
favorited 11 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

But running around with a big megaphone saying "Aaaaauagh!! The world is unfair!! This is an emergency!!" is not sustainable (or effective). I know that it's not doing me any favors personally to be keeping score with people around me,... [more]
favorited 54 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

As recently as the eighties around Chicago, there was a strong sense among non-Italian-Americans that the "Italian" kids were trashy/lower-class/sexually licentious/etc - that was certainly how things were organized socially in my high... [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I like this a lot. One of the things I like about it is the tone - very often, this type of piece is written in a tone (not a vocabulary) that makes me feel excluded, like it's for, you know, cool revolutionary people (or white rich people in their... [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I have an MFK Fisher book from the forties in which she talks about how spaghetti with butter and parmesan is this classy dish that one makes hot in front of guests, and the recipe seems to suggest that breaking the spaghetti is normal. Admittedly,... [more]
favorited 2 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Do not quit. Do not quit. Nope nope nope. I've been through this temp agency stuff. Your first assignments will be the yuck assignments that that no one wants - partly because they don't know what kind of a worker you are. If you quit this,... [more]
favorited 17 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Thanks for all the answers - these are some of the most helpful I've received on ask metafilter! What I'm thinking is that I'd like to get the yard in okay shape for this year - so it's not a mass of dandelions reseeding themselves - and decide... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I still have a Leatherman Pocket Tool (!) purchased for me like 14 years ago. I carry it every day. The earrings - nice ones, too - given at that same time? I've probably worn them four or five times. A vintage or antique pill box for tiny... [more]
favorited 6 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Oh hey late-twenties Frowner! I tell you what, this time don't have a breakdown at 29, lose a year to depression and then have a slow, miserable climb back to functionality! No, seriously: 1. If you are having truly intrusive and painful... [more]
favorited 43 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Do you know more about these guys? What business are they in? How old are they on average? Have they dealt much with Americans before? My Beijing experience is totally out of date and didn't involve the highest and mightiest, but some folks really... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think it's just that some people have one album in them, just like some writers have one novel in them, or two, or three. They have one thing to say, and they say it (hopefully really well) and that's....that. I'm not sure why, maybe they've... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(What I was trying to say, I think, is that the more socially vulnerable people are, the more need they are likely to have to compartmentalize their lives and maintain some privacy, and the more blowback privacy violations are likely to have.... [more]
favorited 16 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It's not knowing, it's normalization. Right now, even though there's reddit creepshots and so on, a guy who does that is a gross asshole and his victims have some social traction. When it's totally normal to be filming people without... [more]
favorited 22 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

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