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China Mountain Zhang is canonical, of course, but I find it kind of creepy - I am uneasy about a white woman who seems to get way too into writing sexually violated and socio-sexually vulnerable male bodies writing a story with a gay male Chinese... [more]
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Kissing people without some kind of clearly stated "we are both into the kissing thing now, right?" is pretty high-level dating technique. I'm not saying that no one should do it, but it requires a lot of ability to read non-verbal cues... [more]
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In the moment, in a novel situation, you might do something like sit on someone's lap even though you don't really want to or are freaked out or whatever - especially if they have more social power than you do. It's such a weird request, right?... [more]
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The biggest concern I can think of in feminism is intersectionality - how does feminism (or how can feminism) be a useful framework for all women, especially including women of color, native women and trans women? The biggest internal issue in... [more]
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Graceland has surpassed form and virtuosity to become a touchstone, a thing we go to when we need to be reminded of who we are, where we come from, what we’re about, the things we have in common. In the title song, the place of Graceland is never... [more]
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Okay, and now I found it. It's "Moon Fragment" by Everett Maddox: A man squats by the railroad tracks tonight eating a moon fragment: not cheese at all, but a honeydew melon. His hands are fuzzy. A train roars past. In... [more]
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After Nevermind? Before long, there was a whole section in those stores stocking this kind of stuff. Also, Cobain was a namedropping goldmine - I'd read an interview with him, write down the names of every band he referenced, and then go on a... [more]
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Can you give an example? Because the truth is, unless you are dedicated to some kind of issue advocacy and do social justice-related work in your daily life, there really are very few times that you should obey the urge to "stand up for... [more]
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Garlic lemon pasta sauce: Boil your pasta. In the latter half of the pasta process, scoop some pasta water out of the pot in a measuring cup - make sure it's at least 1/4 C of water. Chop up a LOT of garlic. In a small pan, cook the garlic... [more]
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I rock back and forth very gently a lot of the time. It's a combination of habit and anxiety. (Note that while your friend may say she has "no major trauma", she may have "no major trauma that she wants to share with you" or... [more]
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You seem like a person who would enjoy Montaigne. [more]
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I'm still surprised I don't see more reusable menstrual cups in these sorts of situations. Yeah, you need potable water, but I'd imagine you'd need a lot less than what you'd need to wash out a reusable pad. I suppose the cups are more expensive... [more]
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There's a specific type of guy that tends to like me: loner, outdoorsy, very loyal but not very observant. Seeing as the guys I'm crazy about inevitably break up with me after a month, do you think I should learn to love someone with some common... [more]
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Also, did you help him prep for this test in any way? I took virtually all those tests (SAT, ACT, GRE) with almost no prep and did very well, but I was astounded to learn that most people do significant practice first. Most kids who are going... [more]
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I own a house which is a group house and I have more experience with seeking housemates than you can shake a stick at - I've lived in group situations for eight years with a couple of roommates leaving/coming in every year. (And also a couple of long... [more]
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Perhaps remember that you're asking for someone to do what is potentially kind of a lousy job - one that is very finicky, requires remembering a lot of information for one person and a lot of "managing the boss" time....and yet is only a... [more]
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Also, people can be interested in more than one person at a time. And also, the Person Who Asks You Out tends to trump the Remote Crush Who Isn't Interested Even If You're Texting Them A Lot - the mere act of asking someone out tends to... [more]
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This does sound very graduate school, and it sounds like a mess. My gut response is "be wary of graduate school guys who send mixed signals to younger women". The difference between 25 and thirty isn't unbridgeable, but it's enough to... [more]
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Asking about the rules is good. I will say that my late great aunt had a wonderful, selfless carer for the last year of her life - a genuinely nice woman who really brought her whole self to the task. We were all incredibly thankful that my great... [more]
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Leaving aside how I eat a chopped up bell pepper every weekday, here are some things I find helpful: 1. Bagged baby carrots. At my grocery store, a 2 pound bag runs about $2.50. They're made from the less beautiful carrots that would otherwise... [more]
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