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But HIV infection rates have gone back up among younger gay men (and men and women of color!). Isn't that the Scandal of Larry Kramer, that he says this over and over in public and that he says that certain types of casual sex are unsafe and... [more]
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Don't discount the role of differing gender expectations. (For instance, I guessed you were a fellow girl even before you said "not pretty" because hey what guy worries this much about being seen as smart amirite? Just kidding, but do... [more]
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Yes, stop doing things for people. I often feel unappreciated - like you, I'm the nice one. I host events, I lend money, I lend a listening ear, I am really good at making sad nerdy people feel special and loved, I give people stuff, I cook...de... [more]
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The Mars trilogy also emphasizes the political aspects of settling a planet - unlike some stories of colonization, it does not imply a unified, politically placid and basically benevolent Earth government behind the project. If your friend... [more]
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More than just abused and intimidated. They create a climate of distrust, where people who are doing anything which may go against what The System wants find themselves questioning the loyalties of any new face who comes within their midst. It's a... [more]
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And I do think it's appropriate to unpack when someone says something that's obviously the result of racist beauty crap. If someone tells me that they have "Chinese eyes" and that those are ugly, hey, I'm not comfortable accepting a... [more]
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Also, bear in mind that if you bring this up, you are foregrounding how much time you are spending scrutinizing this woman's body, deciding she's actually a twelve or a fourteen, etc. You will come off as at least as odd as she is,... [more]
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Also, you graduated in May, right? And you don't have a full time gig and a life plan lined up and everyone is telling you that you're a sort of generational blight? I wonder how many of the hippie-dippie/nerdy mefite audience actually drifted... [more]
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1. "Anti-intellectualism" among the young is only to be expected - when I was in my late teens and early twenties I did not have much mastery of the facts I'd learned, any way to theorize about them or enough theory to identify things I... [more]
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Fake lashes. Fake lashes would be awesome - a fairly subtle thing, slightly unexpected on the gender front (but not as dramatic/challenging as going in drag for someone who doesn't usually do that). You could get an unusual color like blue,... [more]
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Open relationships are difficult enough to get right for many people - even well-intentioned, thoughtful people for whom they basically work! - when they're starting from a good place. If you start opening up the relationship now, you'll probably... [more]
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What kind of shoes do you want? For shoes to be truly resolable, they need to be welted (there are ways to resole some other kinds of high-end shoes if you have the original last, but for the purposes of this question...). Most of the time, I have... [more]
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What I'd actually do? Exchange some minimal small talk, feel horrible about myself, relive the original incidents repeatedly over the next couple of days and then continue in dread of seeing her. (Ask me how I know!) What you... [more]
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Well, canonically, the anarchist SF novel is Ursula Le Guin's The Dispossessed. I think it's worth reading simply because it is so influential. Some books I would read: Stars In My Pocket Like Grains of Sand by Samuel Delany. I... [more]
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( I wanted to say that I referred to the completely wrong person as the writer of the article sent by the OP's partner. It's not Laura Holmes the mefite at all - I apologize! - it's Laura Munson who wrote the article. I apologize for that and hope... [more]
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Can you get him on board with breaking up with you? Can you get daily support from somewhere about not contacting him? Family? Any other friend or therapist that you can check in with? What else can you do at 4am? Can you call... [more]
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Well since I was 1 month old at the time and thus my recollection of events is somewhat murky, I will bow to the memories of old more experienced readers and assume this is one of those books whose recognition grows over time. Because Russ,... [more]
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I'm surprised that so many people think this is a good idea, even assuming that the school lunch isn't gross. (The only consistently non-gross cafeteria food I ever experienced was when I worked in the cafeteria of a very posh private college and... [more]
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This haupia recipe (which is a traditional coconut milk pudding from Hawaii on which you can ring many, many changes - in its original form, it is sweet and plain, very much in the tradition of Chinese almond milk desserts. These two altered... [more]
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Okay, does your partner second guess themselves a lot? I have been - sort of - your partner. In a very good relationship in which I was extremely happy and which I did not want to end, but second-guessing myself all over the place.... [more]
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