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Activity from Frowner

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An idle thought: I bet there will come a time in your life when you get laid off, have a terrible relationship, get depressed or otherwise "fail" in some way - maybe make a terrible financial decision, for instance. (I have a relative,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

For whatever reason - wanting to date you, wanting to keep you on a string - these dudes were putting down your SO in the hopes [the foolish hopes!] that this would make them seem available/interesting/attentive. And because they are terrible people... [more]
favorited 38 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

One thing I wonder, as someone who is some-sorta-transmasculine, is why we have to refract all this stuff through the lens of sexual desirability, and what that means for trans guys who don't/can't/don't want to meet these particular standards. On... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I feel that stuff like this is the thin end of the wedge, and I push back whenever I encounter it at work. Sure, this is just a very little thing - but when everyone gets used to the idea that "innocuous" medical information should be... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Now, they don't list how many folks left jobs. But, what roles are those 670 people doing ? I know the conservative riff is "gender and diversity specialist", but really, 670 administrators ? Well, it seems reasonable that you'd... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If you have access to your own washing machine, you can get a dark olive pair - either 100% cotton or 95%-ish cotton - and use RIT dye to dye them dark green. (You get a dark olive pair so that the stitching isn't a big contrast - it usually... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If a book is unread in a library, does it provide information? How often does a book have to be read to be valuable? If a library houses, say, a collection of rare small press feminist novels which are accessed by interested parties... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Do you think you could have a case of the forties? (As distinct, of course, from a case of forties.) I ask because I'm 39 and have been feeling pretty much the same set of things - not much money, no career success, looking at my "remaining... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

O.K., so, again, describe specifically what the policy will say such that the potentially negative consequences I can foresee are prevented. Will it specifically say that the policy is purely advisory and that the student has no recourse... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Obviously, there's some local culture stuff around trigger warnings - I definitely know people who feel that they should never, ever be uncomfortable reading or watching something, and that no work of art with "problematic" content... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

My only concern about weeding is that...well, I am interested in old stuff. I'm interested in old small press and regional stuff in particular - I collect, for example, feminist science fiction from the seventies and eighties wherever I find it.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, from a perspective standpoint: queer folks (much like women) are routinely expected to just suck it up. We're supposed to be really nice all the time to people who think we are inferior to them; who think that they are "normal" and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Here is a thing: I've learned that when I am the privileged person in an interaction, it is very difficult for me to viscerally grasp how painful casual injustice is to the marginalized person. It's very easy for me to feel that a casual... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Meanwhile, most of the people I know who eat GF but aren't celiac do so for weightloss reasons or because they think it makes them feel better and again, I don't know why I should object to that because HOW DARE THEY REFUSE BREAD or something.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think a concern on the "just let her stay with you" front is that you are essentially signing up to host someone on your floor in your small room indefinitely - the problems that have brought your friend where she is are not going to... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, who is harmed by this accomodation? Colleen Francis still was able to use the locker room - even the main, big one. The swim team of girls got to have their own space. Honestly, the accommodation is "eh" to me - I think... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You know what? I've seen some penises in my time and they did not blind me. I am alternately bemused and disturbed by this whole "there is a penis in the locker room! Whatever shall we do?" line. If there's someone staring at you... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, thread, we seem to have forgotten that trans men exist. Either because of the situation in the FPP or because it's lazy to talk about trans women as a dangerous other, I don't know. Trans men get a pass on a lot of this stuff while... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Does anyone have any good links to accounts of the lived experience of gender dysphoria? That's the part about being trans that I have the most trouble understanding and empathising with - as a cis person, I've never felt "right" or that... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I can't speak to the legality of it, but in my social circles videotaping someone without permission is very bad form. I used to do a little bit of indie journalism/recording-stuff-for-posterity and....it was absolutely standard to ask, and what's... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Hild, by Niccola Griffeth, is getting really excellent reviews. It's about Hilda of Whitby. Nicola Griffith is a Lamba-award-winning science fiction author and as far as I can tell from long-ago, limited interaction with her over the emails, a very... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

On a factual level, this is obviously bullshit. Here, though, is what I have found genuinely helpful in all kinds of either chosen-by-me or forced-on-me personal development situations (including therapy, where there are some paradigm things I don't... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

God, a low FODMAP diet is 100x worse than a low gluten diet! Actually, I would much rather have people believe that gluten is the root of all evil than that FODMAP is/are...as soon as this research becomes better known, I am sure to... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If I may make a suggestion: there is some real evidence that apples can improve your cholesterol even in the absence of other factors. Anecdotal evidence: I went from quite high cholesterol elevated to the point where I was going to start medication... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(While we're on the topic of food and people with restricted diets, I thought I would link this vegan salted caramel corn recipe since I've found it to be a great dessert/party food problem-solver. I actually make it with maple syrup and... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Frowner, have you considered telling your friends to STFU? They sound really awful. They are, in many respects, delightful people. And I wouldn't need to cook for them if I didn't want to, and it's true that I have discovered a... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If this were me, I would work on just not having the "but I don't respect this person" train of thought. You're clearly cathected on this whole thing - ie, it's pulling up way, way stronger feeling for you than it usually does for... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Besides, "You think you get it but you don't, you don't, you don't" is something I think all the time - sometimes directed at others with chagrin, sometimes directed at myself with chagrin and/or astonishment. "You think you get it... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I don't think those tweets are especially nonsensical - they seem precisely like what a smart kid with smart parents would tweet if he lived a life of great economic privilege but was not from a right-wing/one-percenter background. I think they're... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I work around lab researchers. I've seen a lot of situations sort of like yours. My first guess is that your new position is hung up in HR and you probably don't need to worry but you do need to nudge New PI. If your place is like mine, HR... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

one where my boyfriend had passed away I'd suggest looking at this in therapy. If I understand correctly, you were in a relationship and your boyfriend died. That's fairly serious. And then you got into this relationship which got much... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I am old enough to recall the frivolously expensive purchases of my youth. The ones that I would make again:' 1. Nice knives; I still have knives I bought at 19/20 with birthday money. 2. Nice pots and pans - I've had many of my pans for... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

That sounds great, Frowner. It would be nice if fiftysomethings voted like they wanted to join forces with young people instead of voting, like, the opposite of that. Look, 47% of the fiftyish people voted for Obama and tend to vote... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It occurs to me that this dude is getting what he wants - he has sex with you, he has the kinds of conversations that he enjoys but does not have conversations he finds difficult or boring, he can tell you that you are "too emotional" if... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What are typical things associated with your anxiety? Does walking alone bring up anxiety-related stuff, like a feeling of danger or too much "in the body" feelings? Walking alone in the daytime (when I'm visible!) makes me really anxious,... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

In a dorm, you're sharing a room. In an apartment you won't be. (Or you shouldn't - those situations are wonderfully cheap but don't work out well.) I had mediocre roommate experiences in college (even with people I liked) but I love living in a... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

At my 20th high school reunion I confessed to a woman that I had a crush on her in 4th grade. You wouldn't think something like that would still horrify someone, but you'd be wrong. And this sort of thing is why I would rather gnaw off a... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The thing is, if you're not in the kind of social world where there are people who do sex work, you've gotten nothing but messages about how bad/freaky/broken sex workers are and how their work unfits them for "normal" relationships. That's... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I much, much prefer to hang out with friends one-on-one, and I find threes especially difficult to deal with (in bigger groups, there are usually several conversations going on at once). I don't think there's anything wrong with saying... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I wish we could separate "jeans that do not flatter the body" from "things that remind us of mothers". I really dislike that whole "of course moms are frumpy and boring and have bad taste and are not sexy, and of... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

This is a dynamic that you need to break, or it can recur over and over again. (You- clingy; them - frustrated and maybe rude; you - sad and dramatic; them - withholding; you - angry) At any point in this dynamic, whether it's when you feel... [more]
favorited 23 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The thing is, I have no doubt that she does experience feeling-bad-about-her-body, etc. I have no doubt that she gets the usual shit that women in media get, and that this is tough. At the same time, there's something weird about the colonization... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Just in case: I really didn't mean "check your privilege for wanting a job you don't hate". I meant much more "it's easy to judge yourself really harshly for not being able to get a job you don't hate, and that's not realistic... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I assume that you are happy in this relationship in many ways and I assume that you're a pretty together person if you're in such a good law school. However, even very together young women can believe that it's appropriate for them to be... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

There's other good advice in this thread, and I'm all about trying to have a meaningful life, and god knows that's generally not in a non-profit. But something that helps me a little bit (I have a secretarial job with great insurance; if I'm lucky I... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

There is some hilarity, for me, in the fact that this woman apparently experiences her life as one of abnormal, invisible fatness and homeliness while still being thin, blond and white. I'm not sure if this is because she's had a run of bad luck,... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Okay, all else aside: the average American watches five hours a day of TV? Really? Where do they find the time? Who are these people? Is it skewed really high by retired people? Even in my most miserable depressed period (student teaching!)... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What I worry about isn't so much just getting an infection (although that worries me plenty); I worry about how much more dangerous surgery is going to become, and cancer treatment, and everything that lowers your resistance.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I try to leave out the parts people skip. I really like that - almost but not quite a paradox. The thing is, it takes intelligence and skill to write successful schlock - it took me a long time to realize that.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Low rents and high living; devastating personal problems; out in Camden every night, tight as a boiled owl. Oh my god, this was such a great essay. I mean, it's a jeremiad, but this guy - he's a few years older than me, and he's got it,... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

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