Activity from Frowner

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When you say that you have to make it okay for a person to tell you the truth - that's right, but I think you're putting yourself more in the position of a parent or authority figure than a partner. A parent or authority figure has different… [more]
favorited 25 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Two unpleasant experiences, one from me and one from a friend, both involving absolute lack of boundaries and empathy: 1. I had some kind of weird mystery hair-loss thing going on a few years ago. I was really disturbed, not only because I… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I notice that you have described only two frames available here - either you set yourself up to be hurt or you should be upset with him for actively hurting you. Can you think of this in a more neutral way, like "sometimes two people who are… [more]
favorited 111 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Another issue with making women's shoes - most women (especially younger women) are expected to have a large shoe wardrobe which changes a lot, and women's shoes are much more likely to date than men's. Not exclusively, but even if you look at, say,… [more]
favorited 19 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, American Duchess does historical reenactment shoes for people who make and wear historical costumes. They have fairly specific requirements in terms of historical accuracy, and most people aren't going to pay $500 for shoes they're wearing… [more]
favorited 13 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I'm not sure that even could be true. Men and women seem to travel in roughly equal numbers,1 and in a dystopian Handmaids Tale-esque scenario where no women could sit next to any man you'd just end up with a game of musical chairs and one row… [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It is much, much less inconvenient to think "Okay, I'm going to swim on Saturdays at 3pm, not at 1pm, because noon to 3 is men-only swim; I am planning ahead and I will go to the store first" than to think "hm, I booked this seat… [more]
favorited 13 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

This is like someone took anarchism and subtracted all the actual positives, right? I mean, sure, maybe everyone will no longer have boring, staid old titles, and people will "self organize"....but I bet the pay structure will… [more]
favorited 51 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also, the US has a really different narrative about the state and religion. Obviously, we still have a lot of "we are a Christian nation" nonsense, but there is a strong intellectual trend that has a lot of traction of "people should… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Wow, is this true? First Nation people are forced to live in reserves or certain urban neighborhoods? How is this enforced? In my neck of the American woods (and I live in a part of Minneapolis that is heavily Native), it's enforced on… [more]
favorited 9 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think that one has to do some very, very clever ideological footwork indeed to suggest that sex work is ipso facto worse than, eg, sweatshop labor, working as a part time nanny with insecure hours, being a hotel cleaner, etc. It often pays a lot… [more]
favorited 15 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

There are a couple of things that seem to turn up in answers to this type of question that bug me a little - 1. How much work should a relationship be? Honestly, I know a bunch of non-readers with whom, if we were the only queer/genderqueer… [more]
favorited 45 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

A data point - we learned about Cesar Chavez in my extremely white, extremely conservative grade school in suburban Illinois. I remember it well - it was the first time I'd ever heard of the idea of a strike or a boycott or that picking crops might… [more]
favorited 4 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also someday Janelle Monae will be in this Hall of Fame, and maybe then I might conceivably be moved to visit. [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Given that this seems to be a minority position among Orthodox people, it sounds like it has more to do with people's unacknowledged desire for power and cruelty than with religion, per se - it's pretty much on a par with wanting to tell the queers… [more]
favorited 109 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

We still don't induct a lot of women, do we? And the "one woman comes to town, one woman leaves town" bit with Houston and Raitt is pretty funny - it's not like we could imagine kicking out a dude in order to make space (even in… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Substantial body composition changes at the gym started for me with 30 minutes of elliptical-as-fast-as-I-can-sustain plus about 25 minutes of weights plus about 10 minutes of floor exercises four times a week. This has caused me to lose a little… [more]
favorited 9 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

These sweet potato biscuits? I recently made them with only 6T of fat, clabbered almond milk (1 T vinegar per cup of almond milk) and no added sugar, and they were still plenty sweet. They have been a total hit every time I make them. Also,… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If your macbook is 13" or the itty one, what about the Billykirk leather satchel? It's not cheap but you can sometimes score them on eBay. I have had experience with their canvas messenger bags via eBay and they're nice. Or have you thought… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

There is now in this country in my lifetime a pro torture constituency. Well, really, the only reason we remember a time when this basically wasn't true is because The Evil Commie Empire tortured people and we used to define ourselves in… [more]
favorited 13 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Well, I mean, we don't have to assert that the unicorns have died out. I personally have never seen one, but then I have never been to France. [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Can you suggest that she look around on the internet for other advice on this? I think that it's a tricky thing to negotiate, because there are several things in place - a generally misogynist culture which tells women that they are never… [more]
favorited 11 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think it's important to be very precise when we talk about who wears what and why - that's part of what Graeber's essay suffers from, too many generalizations about very large stretches of clothing history and too many generalizations about gender… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also pavlovas, generally. I have always wanted to make things like Tarte Tatin and carmelized pineapple skillet cake, where you cook/carmelize the fruit in a skillet and then bake a cake on top and invert the whole thing, but I have never… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I feel that this essay suffers from a personal dislike of ties and a total forgetting that queer people exist, plus a little bit of Not Quite Reading Enough Fashion History. At the same time, it's a funny provocation. It's very Baffler-y - they… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Also, dude, if you think that ties are bad - I have worn ties, and I have worn womanly office attire, and let me tell you - ties are absolutely nothing on what women have to wear. This is not an argument in favor of ties (although I… [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Just as a point of clarification - I'm not strongly emotionally engaged with Getting People To Like David Graeber. He's an anarchist, I've read some of his essays that I really like, I found his memoir-ish stuff pretty interesting because it's… [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Smitten Kitchen Bakewell Tart. Lots of fun. I've made this both vegan and non-vegan, but the vegan version needs the (veganized) Martha Stewart marzipan recipe as the basis for the frangipane. I have made many apple frangipane tarts, some… [more]
favorited 1 time
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Oh nooooo. Oh. Oh, this is sad. Every time I read his work, I sort of think of him sitting there somewhere, being. His voice is so alive and present. No no no, I don't want him to be dead. [more]
favorited 3 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

David Cameron's faves include The Jam. Etc, etc, etc. Paul Weller did basically tell him to fuck right off, though. I was around for - but peripheral to - riot grrrl. I didn't go to any gatherings and only got to a few shows, so I… [more]
favorited 24 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What I'm noticing here is that your husband isn't hearing you, and that concerns me. He gets very angry, you're saying, when you talk about being unhappy. That doesn't sound so good. Also it sounds a bit like you're doing all the emotional work in… [more]
favorited 14 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You should probably read this book before you go around accusing other people of being naive Yes, but - when "hippies" and "counterculture" are invoked in the popular press, they're not literally talking about the… [more]
favorited 25 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I do not think so, because I live with two other extreme introverts. "Communal" does not have to mean "noisy and in everyone else's business", but the key feature is that everyone must have their own room; also, a group house… [more]
favorited 4 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

How would a mefi commune even work? Would there be a little whiteboard on everyone's doors for favorites? How would the mods handle derails? Would the mods have to, like, totally bulk up in order to be able to "delete" people from… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

But you implicitly are. You are and MartinWisse and gorbweaver and that Bruce Crumley piece Joe in Australia link to above are all engaging in blaming the victim and tacitly saying Charlie Hebdo deserved what they got. I would rather not… [more]
favorited 80 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Is Charlie Hebdo actually left-wing? The sense I've always had is that there are elements of "left" in it and it's put together by people who were of the sixties/seventies left. But the left in France groups together a different… [more]
favorited 161 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

No, no - the original Amazon was located just off Loring Park on the edge of downtown. It did look like Madwimmin, and that part of town - eighties real estate contraction-era into the early nineties - was Pretty Queer. Ballet of the Dolls is still… [more]
favorited 3 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Actually, one of the main changes in my personality that did not happen until my mid thirties - when I meet a dude who starts out being rude and patronizing, I do not assume he has hidden depths or a tragic past; I just assume he's a misogynist dick… [more]
favorited 6 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

entropicamericana, I own the original release of Personal Best, plus just about every queercore/homocore release I could find to buy between about 1993 and 2000. (If only I had a working record player right now!) The existence of… [more]
favorited 3 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Although honestly the "and you can just cook all the tortillas" thing doesn't even come close to being excused by ignorance. "I am uncomfortable about being confronted by my own whiteness" - honestly, if you've grown up in a… [more]
favorited 10 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

This article is certainly charming, but also very weird, because in my world that's just how people live. I'm a bit odd because I am buying my house (extreme fixer-upper with holes in the walls, etc) and have only two housemates and one… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Laurie Penny has a new book out. I own it but haven't read it. In general, I like her work. I feel like it's weird and potentially appropriative of cultural capital for me, a white person, to recommend books by women of color, but I also feel… [more]
favorited 11 times
Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Also - and importantly! - would we use real names? There are a number of people I know only by their activist noms de guerre from, like, an environmental campaign years and years ago, and a guy I see around town in a respectable capacity but know… [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I highly recommend reading the "grotesque Brooklyn clubhouse" link from the beginning of the article in the OP. It is positively science fictional - the scenario is sort of like if someone rewrote James Tiptree's "The Girl Who… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

there is some weird cultural stuff floating around the idea of Buying It For Life or all the Shop Class as Soulcraft Ya, you betcha. It's especially hilarious because while some people who buy all this stuff will keep it forever, a lot… [more]
favorited 12 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Frowner that's really interesting, and the exact opposite of my experience in the UK where I was "too girly" for RG (I'm not massively girly). Shamed for wearing makeup, shamed for wearing "slutty" short skirts. I also remember… [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

To my mind, the tricky thing is getting people who are committed to the arrangement. When it's family, that's relatively easy, but it can be trickier when it's a bunch of young-ish people at different career stages. And you don't want the kids… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Yeah, and if it is—as it seems to be—a rather rare occurrence, the Times' breathless insistence on reporting this (as another episode, I guess, in the long-running serial Jews Behaving Badly) becomes yet another example of majority-group members… [more]
favorited 8 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I have very mixed feelings about riot grrrl. Partly, yes, I am old; fashions of my late teens are now being worn by people in their late teens (and very nice they look, too) and so naturally I have this bias against my youth appearing in… [more]
favorited 2 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

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