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I honestly don't get this. Why is it inherently wrong for me to discuss this with a woman? Assuming this idea of 'secondary trauma' is a real thing in this context (which I'm dubious about, because it sounds to me like just men wanting someone to... [more]
favorited 32 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It seems that Ireland has been the center of widespread child abuse scandals - Magdalen homes, industrial schools. Certainly Ireland is not the only country where this has happened (the U.S. has had many child abuse scandals as well) but there... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I hear you! I had a ton of trouble making women friends for years and I have never had a real coherent social circle of women. Most of my friends were straight dudes of one stripe or another. Lately, I've made a lot more women friends but it took a... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think I'd be more comfortable with this development if it didn't also involve a fair number of ugly stereotypes of LGB sexuality (especially bisexuality) coupled with aggressive identity policing based on those stereotypes. I think one of the... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Why is excluding people on the basis of self-gender-designation OK, when excluding people on the basis of genitalia is not? What if it was a No-Jews weekend? No-Blacks? No-People-Who-Consider-Themselves-Mixed-Race-Or-Nonwhite? Oppressions... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Little House on the Prairie is a strange choice for this list - it's memoir (albeit lightly fictionalized). I also wish that when folks name check it they would note that the whole story plays out against the really grotesque and... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think it's interesting to hear so many people refer to this as a "living/fair wage", but when you actually read the nitty-gritty, what are they talking about? "Private school", "a 2, 3 bedroom apartment in a good... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The anecdote that serves as my model for union resentment is from a friend who in college had a food service job where he worked the same number of hours as the union workers, was not allowed to join the union due to an agreement between the... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

professors make any material involving classism, racism, sexism, ableism, etc. etc. 'optional'. Optional if it's not necessary. One good thing that all this business does, IMO, is it pushes us to rethink certain curriculum decisions.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I'm a programmer too, and I don't know a ton about unions. But I've been part of one in the past, and my husband is in one now. Let's say McDonald's has a union and it's employees get $25/hour. Wendy's workers have no union and get $8/hour. There... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

When McDonald's gets their union, the Dairy Queen people don't get union benefits -- my experience is, you either are lucky enough to get a union card, or you don't, and if you don't get a union card, you don't get the benefit of being in a union.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

And that comes back to my fundamental statement: I'm not anti-union, I'm just not a fan of the exclusionary way unions operate. I did a quick google of "how do I become a {union name} member?" and they are pretty much universally... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

This is a great thing to bring up, because before I had met any trans people or done any reading on transness, this was a big stumbling block for me, and I think it is for a lot of people. If I'm a feminist, aren't I meant to be denying that there... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I mean, a lot of this kind of nonsense movement-baiting (which is what the NYT framing is) suffers hugely from not being specific enough about the people and issues involved. Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, for instance, isn't talking about... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I actually knew some folks who grew up in tiny, cramped apartments in Shanghai - like, one friend slept on the couch in the living/shared/dining room, her father had his own tiny room and the whole place would have been more cramped except her mother... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The thing about the apodments is that sure, they'd be great if they were ~225 square feet and had a tiny kitchen. I would love a teeny apartment (except somehow I have a mortgage on a giant crumbling victorian instead) but 150 square feet is really,... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Nooooooo. Look, this guy is clearly in more emotional pain than you can fix - that's something you've definitely picked up on. You cannot fix him. If you kissed him, if you slept with him, if you started a relationship with him - you still... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Or what about Young Adult Novel by Daniel Pinkwater? It's hiLARious, it really is. [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Does she like short novels at all? The Thirteen Clocks, by James Thurber, is an extremely silly book. But it also has a quest/leaving for a bright future theme. And they've republished it in a really nice facsimile edition.... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I was at a guy's house once and he started quizzing me about world capitals. It would be funny if it weren't so loaded at the time. Really? Really? Why on earth would you need to know a random assortment of world capitals?... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I worked at a movie theater in high school. Cashiers had a union. No one else did. So you had more than one tier of worker in the same business, and only some of them were unionized. And I point this out just to clarify - that is generally... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(The main thing I notice consistently about YA is that it is easier to read than literary fiction, whether that's Dickens, Wharton, Delany, or whomever. So I surmise that some people read YA who would normally have read junk adult fiction but... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

The anecdote that serves as my model for union resentment is from a friend who in college had a food service job where he worked the same number of hours as the union workers, was not allowed to join the union due to an agreement between the... [more]
favorited 1 time
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

What are the actual lived consequences of knitting in meetings and conversations? Does it put you at risk professionally? If it doesn't, I would suggest much more that you go ahead and knit, telling yourself firmly that you really need to do this... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

During riot grrrl, I always felt like a fat, ugly failure because the whole punk feminist narrative seemed to be about these pretty, femmey girls in mini-skirts talking together about how men harassed them while wearing clothes I could never hope to... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(It strikes me that if SpaceX has no rocket scientists - or insufficient rocket scientists - the cost is immediate and very, very high. If Soylent is sorta-kinda-good-enough and then later they discover that it's really not quite good enough, they... [more]
favorited 21 times
MeFi comment - 2 months ago

So, we got a navy suit, a new white shirt and a - this is going to sound weird, but it's way quieter than it sounds - light grey and blue plaid silk tie. We also got a medium gray suit since there was a nice one on sale and he really had only... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Cyclists should not be able to roll through stop signs and red lights in urban environments because, HELLO, there are pedestrians with the right of way and the reasonable expectation that someone is not going to mow them down because "it is... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

For me, and for the other fabulous cuties I know who self-identify as femme, femme is defined however you darn well please. See, the thing that frustrates me a little bit about this is when I get caught up in discourses where people are... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

It's funny - I see lots of women who engage with men on this stuff - most of the places I visit on the internet, for instance, are rife with conversations between women and men about gender. There are whole feminism 101 blogs out there, too.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

If I had to do this out of the blue, I would probably buy some Eileen Fisher secondhand via Ebay - or Eileen Fisher-like clothes in general. By which I would mean"slouchy" pants (which seem to be having a moment in real fashion as well as... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Oh, a key feature at the time was an atmosphere of emergency - "we don't have time for your gender issues now, what is important is stopping [Big Local Quite Genuinely Very Bad Thing]". Women being safe and "feminine"... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I have seen a few posts from people taken from online discussions and reposted on Twitter for mockery. Many of them say that this is the fault of women - that we aren't nice enough, are too quick to dismiss disaffected young men. And that's made... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

(Also, I thought the post the Graeber was responding to on CT was really patronizing in tone and if it had been aimed at me, I probably would have stewed over it until I did something really stupid, rude and lacking in self-control, just as he... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

And it just shows to go you that you might as well be a Lenin, because when you try to create social change legitimately and with reasonable concessions to the elites, those same elites and their US assistants come and murder you.... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Hi OP. I thought I'd hop back in because I notice that you responded to the one comment in all the list that was accusatory towards you, the one comment which suggests that you are lying to yourself, making excuses, etc etc, and should have... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I am also intrigued that you call out pointy fingernails and sea witch as alluring. I think there's a strong tradition of the alluring "grotesque" - it's the allure of the grotesque that gives it power and also makes it hated,... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

There are black folks on pintrest .. some black people play croquet ... some black people have cats This is why a lot of that "lol white people" stuff done by white people bothers me. "Ha ha, yes, white people are so... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You have only to read Marc Cooper's account of being in Chile during the coup, working as one of Allende's translators, to realize that the US embassy in Chile knew what was going down. More, the embassy turned away US citizens who... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

This is totally misogyny week, isn't it? Because that's misogynist. If the dude thought that another guy had, like, had a bleeding ingrown hair on his leg or something, he would not have left the note. He left the note because he was all "ew... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I usually wish my exes, former friends, former comrades, etc, "the best". Why wouldn't I? Now, if it's turned out that they are racists or sexual harassers or otherwise evil and that's why we parted company, why then, yes, I would not... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

You know what? I think it was totally appropriate to say what you did and I think you should follow up, although probably via the "would you like to see your career crash and burn" route rather than the "OMG that is so... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I really appreciate all the advice, but I think I may not have expressed myself well? Actually, that is the problem. I don't express myself well, especially not verbally. And so even on subjects I know something about, I end up floundering, or the... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Don't let her push you out into some disastrous situation. Looking at your past questions, it seems like you have had some really rough stuff happen recently. If the stress of dealing with your emergencies did in fact push her back into a PTSD... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

And a third thing (if I may, and then I'll knock it off): I think men do need to have some clumsy, uncomfortable conversations full of "OMG I never realized that" moments and "actually male privilege is real" and... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

To continue, actually - I think that getting to a point where we-as-privileged/as-oppressors can manage our feelings and not demand attention/validation from the people we're privileged over - that's some pretty important emotional work right... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

Just on a personal level, I think that if people are going to be casually racist after many requests that they knock it off, they don't get to borrow my stuff. If there's absolutely zero consequences - "Loony complains, we all laugh and... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

And I want to add that gender divisions do exist. Believe me, I know - I'm right up at the sharp end of them. [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I think asking him why he doesn't like brushing his teeth would be a good first step - ask him to really, really think about it. Is it some kind of buried power issue? Like, he unconsciously feels that he is "showing" a controlling... [more]
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Ask MeFi comment - 2 months ago

I'm not sure how it works in the UK, but in the US, employer-sponsored health insurance charges everyone the same premiums. A subsidy for going to the gym 4 times a week would effectively be a back-door rate increase on women and parents of young... [more]
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MeFi comment - 2 months ago

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