Baby shampoo isn't all that gentle on hair (including silk, cashmere, wool). It just doesn't sting your eyes.

For my cashmere stuff and wool blankets I use some gentle hippie shampoo and it works well. (Nature's Gate, to be specific, but I don't think it matters too much.)

For blankets I use the bathtub because I can swish it around more easily, and I use cold, (but not freezing cold- lukewarm maybe even) water. It takes me a couple rinses to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 11:59 AM on August 4, 2008

I have a friend whose family sent him an angsty letter telling him they love him even though he's gay, and they'll support him no matter what.

This friend is really really not gay.

I think you don't know if your son is gay or not. Also, from what I'm reading, his sexual orientation is likely irrelevant.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:18 PM on August 3, 2008

I just finished a course of therapy, and it was made very clear that there is no patient-therapist privilege; if you tell your therapist that you committed a felony, they are required to report it.

Yikes! ten pounds of inedita, I have NEVER heard that. Where are you?

Generally speaking you can just ask your therapist up front. They have no reason to lie to you.

You know your therapist better than we... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 4:42 PM on August 2, 2008

I'm female and I hate condoms. Sex is about 50% as fun with them as without them.

I use them but I don't like them.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:48 PM on August 1, 2008

Zambrano, FWIW that has NEVER been my experience. If I was in a group of women saying things like that I'd either assume they were kidding or run far away, because they'd be space aliens or something.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:12 AM on July 31, 2008

I am a walking warning to parents- if you don't let your kids dye their hair blue at 15, they'll do it at 35.

Sounds like you've got the right approach.

I don't know about now, but back in my day most of us suburban punks and goths had a good sense of humor and irony about the whole thing. It was rarely as hardcore as it looked- there was usually a wink and some tongue in cheek.

We also knew that most of us were poseur... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 5:06 PM on July 29, 2008

Problem #5: High cost of dying. 30-50% of a person's LIFETIME health care expenditure is spent on their last 6 months.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 11:48 AM on July 25, 2008

For a while anyway the Boomers will be taking all the jobs that teenagers and lower educated people traditionally did. I'm already seeing it: telemarketers, retail store employees, handymen, tour guides, and so on.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 2:12 PM on July 25, 2008

There is a whole genre of post 9/11 country songs that make me fume when I hear them.

It started as racist, jingoistic "patriotic" songs and has since morphed into "politics is stupid I just want to drink with my buddies, who are all good patriots, don't bother me with your left winger details about torture, etc."

As a patriotic person, this newer iteration offends me more than the first. Right after 9/11 people were pissed... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 11:42 AM on July 25, 2008

mephron, that was one of the things I liked about REM's "The One I Love." For some reason people thought it was a sweet romantic song.

Ok, speaking of the '80s- how about "Dear God" by XTC?
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 1:32 PM on July 25, 2008

worth a shot- thanks.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:10 AM on July 25, 2008

Find out what the consequences are- 56 in a 40 could be considered a big deal, and not traffic-school-able. If it is, get a traffic attorney.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:08 AM on July 24, 2008

I don't know where you are, but the California juvenile justice system is horrible- worse than adult prison, usually. It would have to be rape or murder before I'd risk letting a kid go through it, no matter what a bastard he is.

Is there anyone you can talk to you who's familiar with the system to find out what it's like where you are? (If you can do the mediator or small claims route I'd go for that, probably.)

Mom... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 12:23 PM on July 7, 2008

Sounds like a hopelessly screwed up sociopath. The more time he spends locked up away from the rest of us, the better.

Jesus Christ, I hope you're kidding.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 12:24 PM on July 7, 2008

Boy, I'm with rokusan on this one, from what little you've told us.

But definitely, definitely get some pre-marital counselling, and if you can get it from someone familiar with money issues it'll go better. For some reason a lot of therapists are very uncomfortable with money issues and avoid them, or try to tell you they aren't important, and the REAL issue is X (which is may be, but the money's tied up in it, too). There are such people as money therapists and a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 3:42 PM on July 1, 2008

Yup- the pre-nup isn't the problem. I heart pre-nups. The problem is how he's handling it. Pre-nups are always uncomfortable but they shouldn't be acrimonious. At the FIRST whiff of acrimony you call the whole thing off until you can get a counselor and then a mediator.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 3:50 PM on July 1, 2008

But there's a good chance a lot of this is cultural miscommunication around money. (But for god's sake figure it out BEFORE you marry. If something bigger, like different role expectations, NOW'S the time to find out.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 3:53 PM on July 1, 2008

I was just coming back to mention the cases I've run into where pre-nups seemed required, but I see asparagirl and BrotherCaine mentioned them already. It's slightly odd that he's requiring one when it's a first marriage for both of you and your assets are more or less equitable. That wouldn't be enough to raise red flags for me, though. It's the rest of it.

But... are the other commenters correct in saying you don't have... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 8:30 AM on July 2, 2008

Seconding the emergency fund, but also check out the Retirement Savings Contribution Credit. If your income's low enough, the Feds will match a chunk (up to $1000/person maybe?) of any investment you make to an IRA or ROTH-IRA.

If you're a full-time student you don't qualify, but maybe your wife can use some of that money to take advantage of it.

I haven't used it. I just know it's there.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 4:31 PM on June 30, 2008

That sounds like a good strategy to me. Double check with an accountant, but yes, a Solo 401(k) should reduce your MAGI.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:05 AM on June 26, 2008

schwab, does ThinkOrSwim charge for reinvesting dividends?

Zambrano- does Schwab charge for reinvesting dividends? What does Schwab charge for trades?

Thank you all! This is exactly the information I was hoping to find out!
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 8:03 PM on June 18, 2008

Wow- it turns out that ThinkorSwim won't handle a divorce ordered IRA transfer. Period. I'm shocked. I've never run into this at a mutual fund or brokerage before.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:11 AM on June 23, 2008

What bananafish said. My mother always differentiated between one's work and one's job. (A job provides enough income to allow one to do one's work.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 3:04 PM on June 22, 2008

In order of priority:

1) Nthing the eyebrows.
2) Hair cut
3) Clothes that fit!
4) Eat right and exercise a little bit, for the health benefits (= glowing skin)

Lose the weight if you want to, but if I was put together well, I got as many looks at 200 pounds as I get now that I'm fit.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:14 AM on June 20, 2008

Gunn, Kressley, & Kelly are gay men. London is a woman, and I don't know if she's gay or straight.

(So I think you're onto something, there.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:29 AM on June 20, 2008

Where are you? Phoenix Optical in Oakland, CA has thousands of vintage glasses. I have 1950s (60s?) style horn rims that I got there.

I had a brief problem with the lenses being put in at a slightly off angle. They fixed them for me, but a company less experienced with vintage stuff might have more trouble. That is, I'm not convinced One-Hour-At-The-Mall could have installed lenses in vintage frames correctly. (Then again, maybe I'm wrong.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:56 AM on June 20, 2008 marked best answer

Definitely craigslist.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:51 AM on June 20, 2008

This is an interesting thread. I've always thought mosquitos east of the Mississippi didn't like me, but maybe my immune system just doesn't recognize them.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:17 PM on June 19, 2008

I have this and my MD says there's no danger of diabetes.

Like melissam, eating white flour and white sugar are worse than eating nothing. When I crash a sugary snack will lift it- for about 15 minutes. And then I'm worse off than ever.

Here's what works for me:

Tiny amount of sugar. Fruit juice or honey is slightly better.
Followed by: whole grain something.
Followed by real meal that had... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 1:38 PM on June 19, 2008

Oops. On non-preview, esch said it better.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 1:40 PM on June 19, 2008

If you have enough money you can go to a firm that will basically create an index fund for you. This means you can exclude companies you don't want. Account minimums are around a million right now, I think just because the software is new and not many firms utilize it. I expect them to come down in the next couple of years, but we'll see.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:37 AM on June 18, 2008

I don't understand it either, and am building my practice based on people being sick of it.

So far my evenings and weekends schedule and willingness to travel (especially if someone has kids or is otherwise hobbled) is serving me fantastically. So, yeah- definitely a market opportunity.

I have noticed over and over that sole proprietors start limiting their hours as they get successful. They don't need new customers, and are happy to have... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:30 AM on June 18, 2008 marked best answer

I should have said "limited" hours, not "weird" hours.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:31 AM on June 18, 2008

I like GardenGal's script.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:43 AM on June 17, 2008

Be prepared for doctors to blow you off, too. Keep trying til you get what you need. My friends with MS and Lupus both had 5 years of doctors telling them it was a) stress, b) depression, c) PMS, d) diet, e) hypochondria.

They ended up getting diagnosed when they shelled out real money and travelled to an actual expert outside their regions and HMOs. (One now goes to UCLA and one I think goes to Stanford or someplace, but they only have to go once or twice a year, if that.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:32 AM on June 17, 2008

I'd get a new tube, too. It might work, but I bet it doesn't come out as dark or as nice a color when you're done.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:21 AM on June 12, 2008

I think you'd like The Shipping News, too.

Are you okay with fantasy? How about Ursula Le Guin's Left Hand of Darkness?
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:35 AM on June 10, 2008

If you were staying over at your ex's house for whatever reason, would you honestly be able to be intimate with someone else at their residence and not feel as though you were doing something inappropriate even if it was in a separate bedroom and not in a public room? If so why?

I wouldn't think twice about it. Ex is ex. If they'd invited me to stay the night (and not sleep together, of course), and I'd agreed, it would mean we were at the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 3:07 PM on June 8, 2008

Bear in mind that there are crappy socially responsible funds the same way there are crappy conventional funds. I don't know that you can make a blanket statement about any of them- it's all fund by fund.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 8:46 AM on June 8, 2008

Addressing triggerfinger's comments: there are quite a few large cap SRI funds, and a handful of new emerging markets funds, but you're absolutely correct about there being major gaps by sector. (Oil, defense, mining, commodities in general, and prisons spring to mind, certainly. I have no idea about livestock.)

Also, depending on which direction you lean, there is religious SRI, too, which these days is more often called "values investing." Some of those... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 8:56 AM on June 8, 2008

If you care about your friend, you will no longer be his friend. Sounds fucked up, but it's true.

Making decisions for another competent adult "for their own good" is almost never a good idea. It's also disrespectful.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:34 AM on June 6, 2008

Around here anyway, I've had good luck at the "re-use" places.

(In particular, the little shop the Sonoma dump has, for all you Bay Areans.)

People are always getting rid of their grandpa's push mower. They're all metal and I've never had trouble with jamming. You might have to sharpen the blades, though, which is a nuisance.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:52 AM on June 3, 2008

sourdough dark chocolate
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 5:05 PM on June 2, 2008 marked best answer

This is the organization's problem, not yours, no matter what they're saying. Just say you're being transferred and thanks for all the fish. Full stop.

Repeat: explanations are NOT your responsibility.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 9:19 AM on May 29, 2008

I've heard really good things about The Unity Council, in particular its home buying program. They give classes on "financial fitness" and if you're low income they'll match up to some pretty significant amount ($75k maybe?) for a first time home purchase.

Unity Council is Oakland based but I think you only have to be a resident of Alameda county.

Check out LIFETIME's IDA program, too. (Their website's down at the moment,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:18 AM on May 27, 2008 marked best answer

Sorry, I meant to elaborate about LIFETIME- their goal seems to be education for low income people, including financial stuff. They don't seem to have the same home buying emphasis.

The thing that DOES make the home buying programs applicable to your situation, is that they are all about managing to save up enough money to buy a house even though you're low income. (And if they're like EARN, some of the people they serve are REALLY low income-... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:24 AM on May 27, 2008

I grew up in the same kind of family as you, sounds like. Yelling was out of control and only one ratchet away from violence.

I fake tolerating it incredibly well- well enough that ragey people have told me they like me around because I calm them down. Then I go home, shake, cry, and go to bed. I am ruined the rest of the day.

I can't be around it. When things start heating up I leave. I've told my friends why and they respect it. You might have to do the same thing.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 2:31 PM on May 22, 2008

Maybe not just for her, but for the both of you... my brother said the handheld video game someone got him was a lifesaver. His kid would fall asleep on his chest and then he'd be stuck there for 45 minutes while he made sure she was asleep this time...
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 11:05 PM on May 12, 2008

If I were her I'd prefer a phone call- just "Hey, I was so stoked to hear you were working here now! I don't know if you remember me but I had a great time with you when we hooked up years ago and I'd love to talk. If you're up for coffee or anything, call me back!"

And then drop it. If she doesn't call, there's your answer.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 10:37 AM on May 9, 2008

There ARE spiritual advisors out there. They're a sort of therapist/pastor. If they're good, they don't generally push their own spiritual agenda on you (though you should find one with at least a SORT OF similiar spirituality)- they help you find your own path.

And if they think anti-depressants should be on that path, they'll tell you so.
posted to Ask Metafilter by small_ruminant at 2:33 PM on May 8, 2008