Know what the hell you're talking about, or don't talk. Nothing pisses me off more when I ask an employee a question about their products and it's clear from the first second that a) I know more than they do and b) they are 100% full of shit.

(I'm looking at you, Best Buy! And that guy at the grocery store who, when told I can't find the brand of meatballs I want, walks me all the way back across the store to where the meatballs are and says, well, we have these.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 7:29 AM on July 23, 2008

A lot of people seem to use couples counseling as a way to break up without hurting anybody's feelings. (After a few sessions, well, you both tried, but it doesn't seem to be working.) Maybe you should do that.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 6:28 PM on July 14, 2008

Use the CBT techniques in Thoughts & Feelings to argue with those thoughts.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:23 AM on July 14, 2008

Just to elaborate, I have and love Feeling Good, but I found Thoughts & Feelings more helpful for procrastination in particular. (FG is probably better for depression & anxiety.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 12:40 PM on July 14, 2008

Maltitol?
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 3:32 PM on July 1, 2008

The only problem here is being upset about thinking about sex. Just recognize that it's natural and normal.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:27 AM on June 18, 2008

Second DFW.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 8:22 PM on June 1, 2008

Also, tennis is a big part of his novel Infinite Jest.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 8:22 PM on June 1, 2008

Not to be all stereotypical, but Solid Grounds on Elmwood has a lot of women who look the part.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 7:34 PM on May 28, 2008

I don't think there's any problem not wanting to spend all your time with the person, but I'd be careful about weighing the "on paper" pros too heavily. Chemistry isn't something that necessarily obeys rationality. Whether you may in time develop the "crush" I don't know, but I do know I was in a longish relationship with someone who had most of the qualities I thought I wanted and the spark never came.

Of course if "best lay" implies that... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 4:35 PM on May 19, 2008

Bobby pins or clips, mostly. However, I have seen velcro ones which are supposed to stick to your hair. I haven't seen them work very well.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 8:32 AM on May 13, 2008

Agree with shadow vector. Personally, I just play thousands of lightning games on FICS because that's what I enjoy. I think that unless you're approaching master-level play, you really don't need much more than a passing familiarity with the major openings. It's all about tactics. I do tend to play offbeat ones like Bird's Opening, but they work better in lightning than regular.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 3:51 AM on April 28, 2008

Bourbon or scotch on the rocks. It's damn good and definitely manly. Cocktails are for people who are just trying to get drunk (not that there's anything wrong with that! I go with vodka-cranberry or bourbon-diet coke if that's myh goal.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 12:50 PM on April 25, 2008

Look into low-carb. It works well for type-2 diabetics.

Low-carbohydrate diets in the management of obese patients with type 2 diabetes seem intuitively attractive due to their potent antihyperglycemic effect.

We previously reported that a 20 % carbohydrate diet was significantly superior to a 55–60 % carbohydrate diet with regard to bodyweight and glycemic control in 2 non-randomised groups of obese diabetes patients observed closely... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 6:35 PM on April 23, 2008

Both therapists and meds vary a great deal in efficacy. I'd approximate that my current therapist is 20 times more helpful than my last one, for example. For another example, a friend of mine (really) had no luck on any of the meds, and then on any combination of the meds, until finally they lucked onto a combination that actually helps. My advice? As long as you have insurance, keep getting treatment. Find THE BEST therapist you can find. Search the web, ask doctors for references, etc.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 1:00 PM on April 21, 2008

You seem great, but I just didn't feel a connection/spark.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:31 AM on March 23, 2008

There's little to no evidence that 12-step programs work even as well as therapy, so I'd suggest focusing on the therapy route. Finding a support group of other partners/relations of alcoholics might be useful, I suppose, but don't sell (good) therapy short.

/fellow atheist
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 8:08 PM on March 15, 2008

I highly recommend Michael Brenneis in Arlington.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 4:55 PM on February 25, 2008

1) EVERYBODY deserves happiness.

2) Not everything we are taught as children is right.

3) Therapy may help you realize that thoughts such as "I don't deserve to be happy if others aren't" are symptomatic of depression and, well, not true.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 6:47 AM on February 22, 2008

I had an avanti break on me, FWIW.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:57 AM on February 13, 2008

Fog of War. Listening to such a man talk about the things he talked about in the way he talked about them -- it blew my mind. I haven't looked at war or the people who wage them the same way ever since.

Trembling Before God, for letting me feel what it's like to be raised Orthodox and gay and allowing me to somehow identify with it for having been raised Orthodox and turning into an atheist.

Contact, for giving this atheist a religious feeling.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 7:59 PM on February 12, 2008 marked best answer

spock that's the strangest story I've ever heard.

Speaking of hebrew:

אֲנִי לְדוֹדִי וְדוֹדִי לִי

or without vowels

אני לדודי ודודי לי

is from Song of Songs, meaning "I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me." It seems to be a common tattoo wish. I think I remember it coming up in a similar AskMe, but I can't find it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 7:38 PM on February 12, 2008

Frankly, it sounds more like a psychological problem (although not a big one) to me. I'm an atheist and if somebody says something so arrogant to me, I'd figure it just shows that they're kind of stupid. Why should it hurt you if somebody else is an idiot?

(Not that I haven't done my share of arguing, but then I'm one of those guys who likes arguing.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 7:31 PM on February 12, 2008

Yoga.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 3:32 PM on February 12, 2008

People make way too big a deal about the "v-card." You might consider whether you have left all the Mormon stuff behind. I left Orthodox Judaism as a virgin in my early 20s and I kind of felt the same way as you do. I wanted it but I kind of made it into a big thing because it was such a big thing where I came from.

After I finally did have sex, though, it was much less of a big deal. The next relationship I was in (that one broke up -- it happens)... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 4:13 PM on February 11, 2008

I think he's way way out of line. I doubt you'll be able to change him. As with virtually all AskMe questions, please see a therapist, by yourself first, with your husband if your therapist thinks it's a good idea. You don't need to tell your husband why you are seeing a therapist.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 9:08 PM on February 8, 2008

This has nothing to do with your potential partners' IQ and everything to do with your unfounded assumptions that they'll tire of you.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 9:01 PM on February 8, 2008

It won't be necessarily be interesting to laypeople, but there's a vast Deep Web out there that is just starting to be mined.

Just think about the things that exponentially increasing capacity and bandwidth will make possible. Streaming video from everywhere to everywhere all the freaking time. Cameras everywhere. Everybody with two or three computers with them at all time. Big enough quantitative differences turn into qualitative ones right fast.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 9:10 PM on February 6, 2008

Nthing low carb. The relief from the desire to overeat has to be experienced to believe.

Everything else is just a head-game.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:27 AM on January 30, 2008

Friction massage.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 12:44 PM on January 22, 2008

Professional bodybuilders, from what I understand, cut out the carbs to get rid of the last bits of extra fat. If watching calories isn't working, try cutting the carbs.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 12:42 PM on January 22, 2008

Be somewhat skeptical of self-analysis. Your computer usage could be a cause, a symptom, or completely irrelevant. I've figured out through therapy that I tend to blame my problems on external factors that aren't necessarily relevant. For example, if I'm anxious, I might blame it on internet addiction when really I'm avoiding thinking about an issue with my gf or something. Or I'll blame my feeling of exhaustion on depression when really I just didn't get enough sleep the night before. Etc.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 8:41 AM on January 20, 2008

Yes. Dysthymia is treatable.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 8:36 AM on January 20, 2008

Fourthing the idea of cutting back on carbs. The more you eat them, the more you crave. They also affect brain chemistry in ways I'm not knowledgeable enough to understand.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 6:58 PM on January 16, 2008

Yes, of course. CBT works after you recognize your irrational thoughts. Mindfulness helps you recognize them in the first place.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 7:51 AM on January 10, 2008

I think it would be rude to disinvite her. It's your house so it's your right, of course, but I think it's still rude. You should limit your invites to people you're sure to want in the future.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 3:02 PM on January 8, 2008

All I ever play is Mr. Driller and I love it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:15 AM on January 4, 2008

They don't. You can vote for whomever you want to.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 9:31 AM on January 2, 2008

I think you (or, quite possibly, your spouse) should at some point have a conversation with your in-laws. Lay down some guidelines as to what is and is not acceptable for them to tell and/or do with your daughter.

If that's not going well, you can always say, kidding-on-the-square, "If you turn my daughter into a Catholic, I'm going to make one of yours an atheist."
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:36 AM on December 31, 2007

Not appropriate for any grandmother I know, and possibly illegal to boot, but too cool not to mention: Fred Perrin Defense Wallet.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 6:49 PM on December 22, 2007

I take Zoloft for dysthymia in conjunction with therapy and it's been quite helpful. Be aware that tapering off of it, should you ever want to, can be a little hard. I didn't know that when I started, but I'd do it again even knowing. If you're near Arlington, VA and ever looking for a new therapist, btw, I have a great one I can recommend.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 9:12 AM on December 21, 2007

She thinks you are going to burn in hell. She probably thinks you should burn in hell, since God is just, right? She wants to raise your children to believe that you should burn in hell.

It sucks, but religion makes people crazy. Find someone else.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 9:03 AM on December 20, 2007

In this day and age, herpes probably isn't a big deal for most people. Putting someone else at risk of infection without warning him first is, IMO, unethical. It's his risk, so it should be his decision.

I briefly dated a woman who told me she had herpes before there was any sexual contact. I appreciated her candor and it was not at all a deal-breaker for me. If she hadn't told me before we had sex though, I would have been pretty pissed off. That's just not her (or... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:29 AM on December 16, 2007

The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage is quite good on the subject of communication. It sounds kinda goofy, but simply rephrasing a complaint as a request, for example, does wonders. Instead of putting your spouse on the defensive and getting off onto a long tangent about whether they really are mean and/or insensitive and whether they're "always" that way, you can talk about the actual issue you're upset about.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 11:21 AM on December 16, 2007

Cognitive-behavioral therapy does exactly what you need. The book Feeling Good is based on it, and I highly recommend it. Mindfulness meditation might be useful as well.

One other tip: if it's late at night and your mind won't shut up about something, make an appointment with yourself to really think about it. "I'm tired and if this is important, I might as well sit down for real when I'm awake, maybe with a pad and pen, and really work this thing out."... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 8:35 AM on December 16, 2007

Even though I've received many recommendations for therapy and anti-depressants, I've never actually wanted them because I knew that I could pull through myself.

Just because you *can* pull yourself through by yourself doesn't mean that you have to. There's no shame in getting help. I *could* walk ten miles to work every day, but driving's a lot faster and easier.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 10:39 AM on December 7, 2007

Plato's Noble Lie
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 1:11 PM on December 6, 2007

I have a similar IKEA bed and also had the slot-slipping problem. The bed has also broken in at least two places, although to be fair, it had a lot of weight on it moving vigorously at the time(s.) Quite disconcerting when it happens, though.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 1:08 PM on December 6, 2007

I'd guess that the candidate you supports probably has people who are better than you at figuring out how to help them. Assuming that's true, your best bet would be to contact the campaign and ask how you could best help.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 1:04 PM on December 6, 2007

It seems to me that encapsulation is a workaround for the limits of how much stuff we can hold in our heads at one time.
posted to Ask Metafilter by callmejay at 1:21 PM on November 21, 2007