Do birthday wish rules ... apply?

No, but the notes in the Wall are more entertaining when you apply the fortune cookie rules:


And make me an instrument of your will...in bed.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 9:41 AM on July 27, 2008

How much weight can Barack Obama lift?
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 12:54 PM on July 27, 2008

Curtis Ebbesmeyer, a U.S. authority on ocean currents and drifting objects, said a disarticulated foot could float for up to 1,600 kilometres in a buoyant sneaker.

This has to be the worst piece of trivia I've ever heard.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 3:15 PM on June 18, 2008

You must be at least THIS tall to ride Jack Sparrow. For safety, you should be in good health and free from high blood pressure, heart, back, or neck problems, motion sickness, or other conditions that could be aggravated by this adventure.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 4:52 AM on May 22, 2008

Spider Isabella will DIG her palpae in your epigyne...and run off!
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 8:46 AM on May 7, 2008

Great story, though I can't help but think: if the woman in the video spent some of that time, energy, focus, and talent learning to play an actual penis, she'd have developed skills that are also modes of expression and communication, and much less finitely fun than one game. But maybe that's just the old fogey in me.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 2:23 PM on April 10, 2008

Alright. Who's the wiseguy?
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 7:29 AM on April 1, 2008

Oh, Suuuuure, matt. You don't think we're going to fall for that, do you?
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 7:48 AM on April 1, 2008

That was fun. You can compare it with the original theme on this page.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 5:09 AM on March 7, 2008

"Relevant Church is proposing a challenge encouraging married couples to purposely engage in sexual activity for 30 days..."

You know, they don't specify that the sex has to be with their own spouse.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 11:57 AM on February 27, 2008

I'm a racist and I didn't see anything wrong with the question.

I kid, I kid.
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 6:30 AM on February 26, 2008

I splashed for about 10 minutes and the results looked nothing like a Pollock[...]

Somehow, I got mine to look like a Lee Krasner.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 11:32 AM on February 22, 2008

No Vietcong ever called me a Canadian.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 12:53 PM on January 28, 2008

Bastards. I'll have you know that some of our finest humanitarians are clowns [warning: slide-whistle].
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 8:03 PM on January 16, 2008

I was young, I needed the money.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 11:51 AM on January 11, 2008

One day I will wake up, and where I will be will be somewhere where cruelty is understood to include creatures that are other than human.

You need to look no further than Hollywood. You know the "No animals were harmed..." statement you see in the end credits of films? That's issued by the American Humane Association's Film and Television Unit. From a New Yorker article [reg req.] about the organization:... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 10:20 PM on January 6, 2008

For these decisions, we simply need to do is put aside the alienation and get on with the fascination. You know, the real relation, i.e. the underlying theme.
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 8:15 AM on December 11, 2007

I can't dill with you people.
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 8:09 PM on December 4, 2007

Sausages are funny because they remind us of penises.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 7:28 AM on November 18, 2007

Does the Hopleaf have a mechanical bull?
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 10:39 PM on November 13, 2007

Emily Dickenson.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 11:05 AM on October 30, 2007

That's what I said to your mom.

It'll cost you twenty clams. Same as in town.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 11:30 AM on October 28, 2007

Ooo, Madlibs! I am a DESERT looking for A HORSE WITH NO NAME.

So, DESERT. Is there any Italian in you?
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 1:45 PM on October 25, 2007

How about some minimal constraints, like picking a key, time signature, and a tempo?
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 9:47 AM on October 14, 2007

Love the idea, goodnewsfortheinsane! Put me down for a keyboard track.
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 2:17 PM on October 14, 2007

For a fully ridiculous effect, someone has to sing the chorus of "We Didn't Start the Fire" over one of the later choruses in this song. The melody works over the changes.
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 1:32 PM on October 19, 2007

Whoever shot first, I'm quite certain that afterwards, the ewoks fucking jammed out.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 12:01 AM on October 15, 2007

Thanks for raising my awareness.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 9:40 PM on October 8, 2007

hahaha! Dagobert. What is that...like an Italian grizzly?
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 10:33 AM on September 28, 2007

If you need someone to explain what the dot means, I'm your man. All I want is the final edit, points off the back end, and a taste of the merchandising.
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 10:09 AM on September 28, 2007

You know, if each member here kicks in a dollar, we could buy that cheapo island.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 12:07 PM on August 17, 2007

Oh, hell. I think I left my schmorange in my other pants.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 6:58 PM on August 15, 2007

Here's a video of Evel Knievel jumping over some guy's head.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 5:34 AM on August 4, 2007

No cabal, my ass!
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 8:23 AM on July 19, 2007

You guys should get a room. You'll never resolve these differences as long as you keep postponing your affair.
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 7:58 AM on July 18, 2007

I've eliminated garlic through the usual channels...via the anus and sweat glands. I'd can't imagine the unpleasantness involved in eliminating an entire violin.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 11:24 AM on July 15, 2007

To all the frauleins out there who appreciate cartoonish genitalia, my email is in my profile.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 9:45 AM on July 13, 2007

I read somewhere that Ms. Portman credits her success to Brazilian low-fat yogurt.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 4:38 AM on June 20, 2007

That's so strange. My secret service codename just happens to be "Toby Keith".
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 9:26 AM on June 18, 2007

I'm admiring the composition and effective use of primary colors in this photo.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 3:49 PM on June 16, 2007

I was done with the video at around the two-minute mark. Now, I'm feeling listless, apolitical, and in need of a sandwich.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 7:55 AM on June 15, 2007

I'd do my clone if he were a little taller and wasn't such a selfish prick.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 9:29 PM on June 6, 2007

Where's my shoutout?
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 7:36 PM on May 1, 2007

Seems like it would involve a lot of awkward fumbling, nervousness, some bleeding, and possibly crying during or afterward.

Hell, you don't even need a partner to experience this.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 11:39 AM on April 30, 2007

Jewish culture is discursive, scholarly, literate, and very much (in good and bad ways) fascinated with itself.

With Blood-of-Baby-Christians, you get eggroll. Twenty Minutes. Okay. Bye-bye.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 8:35 PM on April 25, 2007

Despite not making the list, my '94 Corolla has in no way helped me to exercise my heterosexuality.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 4:22 PM on April 12, 2007

High Heels
Silk Stockings
In Her Shoes
Peau du Foot
My Left Foot
Footloose
Happy Feet
posted to Ask Metafilter by horsewithnoname at 9:30 AM on March 27, 2007

Recently, scientists also tested the hair of Mama Cass. They found traces of ham.
posted to MetaFilter by horsewithnoname at 6:16 AM on March 2, 2007

Eek. National Science Engineering Wand.
posted to Ask Metafilter by horsewithnoname at 11:42 AM on February 25, 2007

a/s/l, cortex?
posted to MetaTalk by horsewithnoname at 11:34 AM on February 21, 2007