I understand that this is basically a bad idea given the fact that she IS married

There's your answer.

Do you want to be somebody that sleeps with married women?

Not only that, but do you want to be someone who sleeps with a married woman for years on end? Pseudo relationships like this have a way of lasting for years. You might both be getting enough out of it to just keep drifting... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 10:31 AM on July 4, 2008

People in this thread have given you sound advice about making it your lack of interest, clear to this guy and if you truly are sure that you have no interest in this man, then yes, follow it.

But I think from what you have said that there might be some potential for you and this guy.

You say you think he's great, that you love spending time with him. You say there's always been chemistry and some low-level flirting between the two of you. You... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:45 AM on July 3, 2008

I had a close friend who was in an abusive relationship. We're not in contact anymore and, to the best of my knowledge, after we stopped calling one another she married the guy and they are still married.

So, as much as I hate to say this, I don't think there really isn't much you can do besides what you have already done. I certainly understand your urge to help her, to save her, to do something, anything to remedy the situation, but to a large... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 12:53 PM on July 1, 2008

Basal metabolic rate depends heavily on if you are male or female.

I'd amend that to read "depends heavily on what percentage of your weight is muscle and what percentage is fat". Muscle burns more calories than fat, therefore men, who tend to be more muscular, usually burn more calories as a result.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 7:38 PM on June 29, 2008

Hmm, well, the last time I moved, I moved on Wednesday and unpacked the last box Friday night. I live alone, and other than my movers the only help I had was from my mother. I asked her to work on the kitchen (which is not personal and is time-consuming), both packing and unpacking, while I did all the rest.

It's really not rocket science. Label the boxes. Have the movers put the boxes in the correct rooms. Pack/unpack room at a time. It helped that I am the reverse of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:21 PM on June 28, 2008

Plucking doesn't actually change the colour of your hair. What happens is that your hair becomes lighter and softer with exposure to light and contact with other substances, such as clothing. New hair is darker and stiffer because it's new (which is why stubble always feels so raspy), but over time it will bleach and soften.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:07 PM on June 28, 2008

Oh, and let's assume a crowd of anywhere from one to two dozen people.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 10:28 AM on June 28, 2008

When someone makes a joke to me that I consider inappropriate, I find a cool stare and silence works well. After that you can either change the subject or excuse yourself and turn/walk away. They'll get the point.

I want to make a very tentative suggestion, though.... Is there any possibility you are being too sensitive? I've generally worked in very good environments for most of my career, and in every workplace there were always a few co-workers who considered... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 8:02 PM on June 27, 2008

The tooth could really act up during your vacation and ruin it for you. I'd say have it pulled. Pulling teeth becomes much more of an issue when they are impacted, as with many people's wisdom teeth. With one tooth that isn't impacted, it shouldn't be too much for you to handle.

My dentist once had a couple of her wisdom teeth extracted on her lunch break just prior to her appointment with me.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 9:10 PM on June 25, 2008

You don't have to change your life overnight. Real change is gradual. You've made a good start by getting some therapy and exercising. Okay, so now you just need to figure out what you'll do next. Brainstorm and make a list of all the things you'd like to change about your life. Then pick one thing or maybe two, and just work on those things. And put the list away until you feel ready for the next step.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:40 PM on June 25, 2008

I think for starters you need to insist that she go public about the nature of her relationship with you, and if she won't, break up with her. That's a terrible way to treat anyone and you shouldn't tolerate it. You're a person, not a dirty little secret.

Once that issue is dealt with, I think you'll have fewer problems concentrating on making some friends and having some fun on your own. Right now she's basically posing as a single person when she goes out, and of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 8:36 AM on June 25, 2008

I've also heard surgical anesthesiologists increase the dosage on female red heads by 10% because anesthetics don't work as well on them.

I've never had a general anesthetic, but my dentists and endontist could tell you a tale of just what a hellish patient auburn-haired me is to work on. Red haired people also have thinner skin and thinner gums. I've been known to hit the ceiling during a cleaning. The time I had a root canal it took 12-14 needles to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 11:15 AM on June 24, 2008

You can always ask her what she'd like to do. By all means be prepared with the best answers in this thread in case she doesn't have anything particular in mind, or so you can combine your ideas with her ideas to make a really memorable event. To my mind at least, the getting to look forward to something and being able to decide what I want is at least equal to the pleasure of a surprise.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 4:40 PM on June 22, 2008

Hey, you sound just like me before I went to my first meeting years ago.

What the two previous posters said. No need to be nervous. No need to dress up. Enjoy the meeting and the social half hour afterwards.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 4:12 PM on June 21, 2008

I'm a girl, but this seems like a universally applicable answer to me: flattered if the person is attractive and behaves well; worried, annoyed and/or creeped out if the person is unattractive and/or doesn't behave well.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 7:45 AM on June 21, 2008

I think the way a person sneezes is genetically programmed. I have my dad's LOUD sneeze. My mother refuses to believe that the yell that we both do during a sneeze is involuntary, yet it is. I have learned, however, that I can keep myself from yelling during a sneeze by clenching my teeth together. My sneeze is still not a soft, discreet sneeze, but it's considerably lessened in volume.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 7:18 PM on June 18, 2008

Concentrate on finding a subletter, either an individual or a couple, for the room for now.

And in future, before you get into a situation like this, make sure there's a contingency plan in place so everybody knows what their responsibilities are in the event that someone wants out.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:04 AM on June 18, 2008

Ask her to do something with you, such as coming over to your place so you can make her dinner and watch a movie with her, and casually add something about how it'll be nice for just the two of you to spend some time together.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:50 AM on June 16, 2008

You want dirt cheap? Take the bus or a train to a neighbourhood or town you don't know and spend the day at the library there. Take breaks at lunch and at the end of the day to go walking and explore the area. Then go back home at night for the cleanliness, hot water, and electricity you have there.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:06 PM on June 15, 2008

Huh. Cognizant that I could be totally wrong here, but....

This woman sounds like is used to being on the receiving end of your friendship. Your description of your background with her is all about what problems she has had and how you've supported her — you say nothing of fun times together, or of how she's helped you. You say she sobs on the phone about you to other people — is she commonly a helpless sobber-on-the-phone? The fact that this woman has... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:52 PM on June 15, 2008

I've dated many a man who, when he came to having to choose between treating me decently and doing what was easiest, most convenient and comfortable for him, chose the latter. Try to forget all about them and just keep looking for someone who behaves well even when it would be easier not to.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 4:38 PM on June 15, 2008

Lying about your identity is very likely illegal (IANAL). But they won't know who to bother if you do it correctly.

Not exactly. You legally can call yourself anything you want unless you're trying to assume someone else's identity.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 4:24 PM on June 15, 2008

'Cause if someone finds out they'll think you're a lunatic?

Or a liar. And no one respects a liar.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 3:56 PM on June 8, 2008

I'm so sorry you're going through this situation.

Perhaps you could think about what, exactly, you're hoping to gain from having this guy with you during the abortion, and how likely you are to gain it. Suppose you try to get him to be with you. It's a wearing emotional effort, you get your hopes up.... and then he shows up. You get him to go through this with you, he's supportive and caring. And you feel more emotionally to him than ever. Or you go through all this... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 2:37 PM on June 7, 2008

I found I had to make a shower curtain last year because I couldn't find anything I liked. It's pretty easy — just hem on three sides and put in some grommets or tabs along the top - and your fabric store will be sure to have something you love. I do what frobozz does — the cloth curtain stays on the outside of the tub, and a $1 liner goes on the inside.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 8:43 PM on June 2, 2008

"We are all in the same boat in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty."

G.K. Chesterson
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 7:45 PM on May 30, 2008 marked best answer

It really does depend on the vendor. There are really bad vendors out there who will deliberately order a dress in the wrong size to force the bridesmaids and brides to get alterations. And some people who try to do alterations have no clue what they're doing. The smart thing to do, as it is in using any service, is to do your homework, to ideally go with a vendor who has been recommended to you by people who've bought from the store with full satisfaction, and to inquire into the price of any... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:14 AM on May 21, 2008

Every relationship has its own dynamic. Think over, not only all the girls you've dated, but all the friendships you've ever had. Didn't they all have their own pacing and flavour? This is why you can't just replace people — because each one adds something different to your life, and each one interacts with you in a unique way. They can literally all feel surprising and special if you just enjoy them for what they are.

I would say that if you really enjoy being... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 10:46 AM on May 19, 2008

Bill Clinton was getting oral sex in the White House and he came out ok. Your friend will do fine if she can spin it right.

I'd say, the "spin" should consist of a shrug and a refusal to apologize, and perhaps even to comment. Brazen it out. Keep your chin up and smile. Treat it like a non-issue and it'll become one. She didn't do anything illegal or immoral. Frankly, to a lot of people, hearing something like this about someone who is damn... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 8:23 AM on May 18, 2008

You mother can still hear. I think she'd still enjoy the video recording. Have the party for a select number of their closest friends, get a cake, have someone take pictures (the rest of you are sure to want pictures though your mother won't be able to enjoy them as much). At the party have everyone sit down and watch/listen to the videotape, and also make mix CDs of music that your parents especially like to play - ask them for lists of their favourite and special songs as a couple - to play... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 8:08 AM on May 18, 2008

Don't give up on yourself. Honestly, you sound like a really nice guy lots of women would love to meet. Do you have any idea how many men out there wouldn't dream of staying with a woman who wouldn't have sex with them? Or who, when they do have sex with a woman, disappear before she wakes up the next morning and never even bother to call her again? Or how sleazy and off putting men who have had some staggering number of partners can come across to a woman who wants a man who will value her?... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:45 PM on May 17, 2008

Okay, so you didn't date until you were 26, and then you've spent half of the last three years in relationships, both of which involved some sexual activity. And you've had other women pursue and be interested in you. This really is a decent track record, so I doubt there's much wrong with you. Go forth and mingle and you will get laid sooner or later.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:48 AM on May 18, 2008

I'm a career editor, and I'm just so impressed with the comprehensive and expert opinions in this thread that I shall keep it in mind for the next time someone I know asks me for advice on how to be an editor.

Nikksioux, you're not doing yourself any favours by dismissing the advice proffered to you in this thread. Everyone thinks they they can edit, but they are almost always wrong. The publishing house for which I work has a terrible time finding good editors to hire.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 11:26 AM on May 17, 2008

Yes, I searched AskMe like a good MeFite and found this thread, but it seems to me there must be more recipes for rhubarb than it contains.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 8:37 PM on May 16, 2008

I forgot that my mother did make strawberry-rhubarb jam, and that it was to die for.

Thanks for all the great ideas so far! I knew there had to be more creative dishes for rhubarb.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 10:53 AM on May 17, 2008

Listen to DarlingBri. Your partner needs to take the morning after pill IMMEDIATELY (it's effective for a couple of days after the fact). And both of you need to educate yourselves on the basic facts of reproduction ASAP. Ask your local family planning clinic for literature or inquire about a course.

A friend of mine got pregnant from doing what you two did. She was under the impression that "no one gets pregnant from Pre-E". WRONG. Some people do. Her, for instance.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:23 AM on May 16, 2008

A co-worker of mine has his anchored with a bobby pin. But it does seem to be on crooked half the time.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:19 PM on May 13, 2008

Well, it's a unanimous chorus of "call of the wedding IMMEDIATELY" here, so I'll just add my two cents on how to make the conversation less unpleasant for her and for you. For one thing, make sure you're both stone cold sober for the conversation. Stress that you love her and that you want to stay with her. Tell her that you believe when people get married they should both be absolutely sure of their decision, and be whole-heartedly committed to it, and that you just aren't at this... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:56 AM on May 13, 2008

I'm with the "they don't need to know" camp.

My parents, and most of my family, are Christians. I grew up going to church and also went to a Christian grade school. I did believe in what I was taught up until my late teens, but at 17 or so I began a ten or twelve-year process of shedding all my religious beliefs. I'm an agnostic now. I've never said so, though it's on my Facebook page and the half dozen or so of my family members who are connected with me on... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 5:20 AM on May 13, 2008

Building blocks or lego.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 4:57 AM on May 13, 2008

If you can do it, stop talking to him. Cut off all contact except through the lawyers. That was simultaneously the hardest thing and the thing that made the biggest difference.

Alternatively, if you don't want to cut off all contact forever, at least give it awhile before you try being friends.

The "don't think you have to make all decisions immediately" is good advice. Another suggestion I would make along the same... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 11:13 AM on May 12, 2008

My mother's SO hard to buy for. Like most women past middle age she has everything she needs and doesn't want more stuff around. She has no real hobbies that require perpetual purchasing. She has very exacting tastes so it's hard to select something she really likes. She doesn't read much anymore because it tires her eyes. She has to work to keep trim and wouldn't thank anyone for giving her treats. And yet three times a year (Mother's Day, her birthday, and Christmas) I have to come up with... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 10:00 AM on May 7, 2008

It's only been three weeks? Yes, that's too early for the "where are we going with this" conversation. Just stop trying to make things happen and let the situation take its own course. Don't row the boat any harder than he does. If you're the only one calling, and/or the only one making arrangements, stop doing that. If he starts calling you and making suggestions about getting together, then you've got something to work with and you can begin doing the same. If all you get is radio... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 9:36 AM on May 7, 2008

But just because I have a happy/successful relationship doesn't mean I want to abandon my friends.

I understand that, but you haven't abandoned this friendship. It's on hiatus for reasons beyond your control. I don't think there's anything you can do. Let things be for now. Odds are this relationship of his won't last and then he'll have time for you again.

But honestly... his telling his girlfriend about how he fantasizes... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 9:25 AM on May 7, 2008

If they've attended your gallery shows they must like your work. So it sounds like a lovely gift. I'd keep it down to 20 photos or so though.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 9:07 AM on May 7, 2008

Well, I bought my piano a couple of weeks ago! It's a 1913 Heintzman upright grand in good condition. I did take my composer friend with me and he said it was a good instrument and definitely worth what I paid. Thanks all! When I get to be a concert pianist I'll send you all tickets;-)
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 9:26 AM on May 6, 2008

Please don't drop ANTHING! An egg or a water bomb falling from a height would have enough impact to kill someone. And many non-hazardous things that will float down, such as leaflets, are litter. You could drop rose petals safely and I don't think anyone would mind, but I can't think of any other exceptions.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 7:58 PM on May 4, 2008

If you've sure that this girl doesn't turn you on, then yes, you must end it. Don't tell her she doesn't turn you on, but don't lie to her either. Say something along the lines of, "This just isn't working somehow," or "I just don't think we're right for each other." Don't offer to be friends with her unless you definitely want to be friends and are willing to keep calling her and to spend time hanging out with her.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 3:34 PM on May 4, 2008

Think about how much you'll enjoy something you're going to do that morning, such as eating a yummy breakfast, or that first cup of coffee, or going for a run (for me it's getting to knit on the train;-)). If there's nothing about your morning routine that constitutes an incentive to haul your butt out of bed, incorporate something really enjoyable into your getting up activities.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 6:15 AM on April 30, 2008

To my mind it's the same (not funny) joke if you take out the adjective "black", and just tell a joke about a huge guy and a little guy in an elevator.
posted to Ask Metafilter by orange swan at 8:52 AM on April 29, 2008