I am so, so sorry. Thank you so much for taking the time to post this and share your love and grief and joy and pain with us.

Like many of the posters, I vividly remember so many of the comments you linked to above. I wonder if your husband had any idea of the impact he has had on so many people and how his story has become part of our stories.

Condolences just doesn't begin to describe the grief we all feel with you.

.
posted to MetaTalk by widdershins at 10:21 AM on May 17, 2012

I found the series to be completely gripping and engrossing, and I'm filled with so much hope for the future. What heroes the writer and her partner are, to have reached this place from where they started! I love that she ends the series on the meaning of Acceptance - both for themselves, but also for others who don't currently share their view.

I poked around the website a bit and read about how they decided to stop spanking their kids; how she started going to... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:01 AM on May 15, 2012

Go with the job you are (clearly) excited about, and forget the rest.

This is one of my rules in life, btw. There will always be other opportunities if something doesn't go the way you want, but you won't have to regret passing up your dreamjob. Who cares how safe and stable the other job is, if you'd be miserable every day dreaming of what you gave up? Too many people settle. Don't be one of them unless you absolutely have to.
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:04 AM on April 24, 2012

Oh, oh! All the series I'd normally recommend have already been mentioned, except Maze Runner by James Dashner. YA, dystopian future, keeps you guessing all the way, particularly about the romance element - definitely what you're looking for! It is not the best written series I've ever read, but a) you said you were OK w/that, and b) it is definitely engrossing, with break-neck twists and turns that you did not see coming.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:32 AM on April 23, 2012

I second a lot of these recommendations, particularly the Farseer trilogy by Robin Hobb, the Sandman series by Neil Gaiman and anything by Robin McKinley. McKinley is probably my favorite fantasy writer of all time - I love the characters and worlds she creates. I wish she did sequels, but she rarely does, unfortunately.

Quite liked A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness - don't think the sequel is out yet.

Have you read any Anne McCaffrey?... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:04 AM on April 19, 2012

Holy crap, 9 1/2 years for me. I slipped in right before the $5 sign-ups, and I'd been trying to get a membership for about 4 months I think, during the lottery period. When I actually got to the sign-up screen I couldn't believe it.

I rarely post these days, and almost exclusively in AskMe. But I read this site every single workday on my lunchbreak. I frequently feel that I should contribute more - give back, somehow - but 99% of the time someone has already said... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by widdershins at 11:18 AM on April 12, 2012

Would it be possible for her kids or grandkids to come up with the $35/mo? It is not an enormous amount, and it would be just as much to their benefit as hers. That way she doesn't have to try to shlep all over town and figure out WiFi and all that, and she can speak freely from the comfort of her home.
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:34 AM on April 12, 2012

A bit of a stretch, but The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness is set in a society where everyone can hear the thoughts of men and lifestock, so you frequently hear animals' thoughts throughout the book. I read it recently and quite enjoyed it - looking forward to the rest of the trilogy.
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:22 AM on April 3, 2012

*tap tap* Is this thing still on?
posted to MetaTalk by widdershins at 9:52 AM on April 2, 2012

I think enthusiasm and self-awareness is the best way to make yourself stand out and be remembered. I don't mean over-the-top gushiness, I mean making it really clear to the interviewer how excited you are about what this opportunity would do for you.

Assuming an otherwise even playing field where you all have roughly similar levels of experience and competence, this excitement and self-knowledge of why you want this job will be the thing that people remember.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:27 AM on March 26, 2012

I work in investment banking (I'm a support peon) and I'm surrounded by very, very wealthy people, which has given me a very interesting perspective.

My first (trite) observation is that certainly, having money is better than not. You simply have more options with money than you do without.

However - be very careful what you wish for. Many of the people I work with work like dogs. Sure, they drive flashy cars, live in ginormous mansions,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:11 AM on March 7, 2012

In terms of actual touristy souvenirs, we usually get a magnet from each location, and we do enjoy looking at them and reminiscing.

However, I'm a bit of a minimalist and don't enjoy having a lot of clutter - so my favorite thing to get is something I'll actually use or wear. Beach wear is obvious - for example, I'd always get a little thrill of rememberance whenever I wore my Tevas from Rarotonga (sadly, worn to death and no longer with us), and I still bring my sarong... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 11:20 AM on March 5, 2012

Actually agree with most of this tree - except for the less than one hour text back window. Seriously, you'd dump someone otherwise promising for not texting you back within 60 minutes? I can think of a large number of reasons for that delay which I'd accept without reservation.

Disclaimer: I'm not a huge fan of texting. But still...
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:10 AM on February 14, 2012

Is there any chance that the charred rags/jeans came from somewhere else - eg, he dropped them out of his window and they landed outside your son's, or something like that? Because if he's setting fires outside your son's window, then yes, police is warranted, immediately. But if he lit something on fire somewhere else and the remains ended up there, still uncomfortable but not Get Out Immediately level.

Honestly, if John's mother owns the building, you are unlikely to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 1:45 PM on February 9, 2012

Wow, procrastination, that was an incredibly vivid and disturbing description. I'll never look at lifeguards the same again. Thank you for sharing. (I think.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 1:31 PM on January 30, 2012

I've also had an abortion. I went under for it, it was completely painless, and some soreness the next few days was about the extent of the physical effects.

Though I was sad, it was not a hard decision to make for me - I was young, broke, and not in it for the longterm with the father - and I've never regretted it. It was many years ago and I'm now married with 3 healthy kids.

Also happy to chat via memail if you want. I feel for you. It will be OK.
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 9:59 AM on January 23, 2012

Wow, I feel like I could just about have written that question myself. I feel your pain, anon.

I was also similarly estranged from my mom (my choosing) before she died about a year and half ago. Before she passed away, I used to worry that I would feel crippling guilt when she died, for not having been a better daughter while she was alive.

The strangest thing is that when she passed away, I was actually overwhelmed by the lack of guilt I felt.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:59 AM on January 18, 2012

I have no idea why I have so much love for 007, I just do. Yes, the movies are camp and misogynistic and overexploited... and yet I cheered (out loud) when I read they're finally making progress with Skyfall. Daniel Craig. Judy Dench. Javier Bardem. Ralph Fiennes. Sam Mendes. With even a quarter-way decent script this movie can be epic. Oh please oh please...

All the Bonds brought something different to the role - some more successfully... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:39 AM on January 10, 2012

The reason that Diamonds are Forever is subtly wrong is that it's a Roger Moore-era Bond film unaccountably starring Sean Connery.

Yes! I persist in thinking it was Roger Moore when my visual recollections of the movie clearly tell me Sean Connery. I guess it shows pretty clearly that the series was already going in the camp direction before Roger even joined.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:48 AM on January 10, 2012

First of all, I'm so sorry. I hope you are feeling OK in the day-to-day.

I'm sure others will chime in re the technology side of things, but one thing you can do is start to really leverage your daily (online, I assume?) journal. Instead of writing to yourself, write it to her - and as things come up that you want to explain more, include backstories, pictures and emails as appropriate.

In other words, if you spent the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:01 AM on December 13, 2011

I got personalized notepads as Xmas presents for our teachers and aides, the kind they can use for notes to parents. The kids picked out their favorite designs and will write the teachers a holiday message/picture on the top sheet.

I've been told by a teacher friend that teachers do not want money, anything very expensive, or anything that takes up space, so I was hoping this would be a good compromise. My oldest are in kindergarten, so this is my first year - hope it... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 12:01 PM on December 12, 2011

Yup, came in here to suggest Leningrad as well, particularly Menya Zovut Shnur. Such a great song!
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 11:02 AM on December 7, 2011

Let me offer my take on what happened:

You stopped hearing from the girl because she realized she was being hired for your job (like yarly said above).

The reasons you cite for knowing you weren't being fired don't necessarily hold up to me:
- The personalized work order could have been approved by someone who didn't know you were being let go, for example, or it could have been approved because they didn't have your replacement... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:45 AM on December 7, 2011

I personally don't like [firstname] [lastname] - this to me means that the sender does not know me at all, or they would either just use [firstname] or Ms. [lastname]. I would much rather receive correspondence addressed to Dear [firstname] or Dear Ms. [lastname].

Not worth worrying about certainly, and as you can see a lot of this comes down to personal preference, but I'll bet I'm not the only one out there with an unusual/kind of unisex name who automatically... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 9:58 AM on November 14, 2011 marked best answer

Wow, nickrussel, very well said. I am Norwegian and I have nothing to add to that - you captured the anguish and reactions most of us have been feeling.
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:35 AM on November 10, 2011

I'm looking for something similar for my school's PTO - will be interested to hear suggestions as well. I was also thinking a Yahoo group but can imagine I'll have several responses in line with cda's above...
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:40 AM on November 3, 2011

Very glad you asked this because I've been looking for it too for the last month or so. Whole Foods is too expensive; we've been using the Smuckers Natural as a substitute and it's fine, but I'm not thrilled about Smuckers in general so would prefer to find another brand. Will try Adam's.

Thx!
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:00 AM on October 13, 2011

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate your help. I'm going to be calling around tomorrow and will come back w/an update. And no worries, bluedaisy ; )
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:50 AM on August 16, 2011

I promised to come back with an update, but unfortunately it's not a happy one. I reached out to the papillon rescue societies listed in the best answers above and started the dialog with them. The 2 I spoke with were very nice but had long waiting lists (one had taken in 24 already, only halfway through that month) unless it was an emergency where the dog was in jeopardy.

While I was mulling it over and agonizing over my decision, I think Napoleon somehow knew what... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 2:32 PM on October 4, 2011

Thank you, IOD - I appreciate that.
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 5:54 AM on October 5, 2011

I totally concur with PhobiWanKenobi's advice above - if he moves in for the kiss, let him, and see where it takes you. If a greater spark isn't lit, then no harm, no foul.

I think people in general are a) too dismissive of potential partners if they don't feel the earth move immediately, and b) too scared of 'ruining the friendship'. Truly, it is not the end of the world to share some kisses and then decide it's not a good fit. Unless the guy in question is a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 1:25 PM on October 3, 2011

It sounds to me like you're making decisions from a place of fear, not a place of peace / joy / positive expectation. So instead of making a decision - any decision - and making it right for you, you worry that you are getting it wrong. And guess what - there's no such thing as a wrong decision. No really, they are just actions that get you from one place to the next. Sometimes it takes longer to get there, but you pick up a lot along the way.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:25 AM on September 29, 2011 marked best answer

It's amazing to me that this is still happening.

Frankly, I think YA novels is probably exactly the place it would be good to see some diversity in sexual orientation and gender. For an isolated or disenfranchised LGBTQ person, what a difference it could make.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 10:38 AM on September 19, 2011

dude22, I agree with the posters above that this has to do more with nostalgia and guilt than it does about truly believing you and she could or should be in a loving and functional relationship. Re your follow-up question about being friends:

I broke up with my first love, and in retrospect I did it very poorly. I beat myself up over it for a while until, after some time had passed, I realized I just didn't have very good relationship or communication skills at the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:59 AM on September 13, 2011

Hi - I work in Stamford and do this trip somewhat frequently.

I'm going to be contrary here and say I'd do option 1, personally, for the ease of travel - you get from point A to point B without any stops in between, so no need to lug your carry-on around. Yes, you will hit rush hour traffic, but you should still make it to Stamford by 8p with plenty of time to spare - and truly, if you're not driving yourself, sitting in traffic isn't that big of a deal, as presumably... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:41 AM on September 13, 2011

I think no relation's advice above is good - have the conversation at a neutral place.

The fact that she has language in her OKCupid profile about being sexually passive tells me that she considers that a defining part of her character and wants to be upfront about it. Maybe she has been hurt in the past, maybe she's closer to asexual, who knows - you'll only find out by asking her (gently). The signals are mixed; however, maybe she feels she's been upfront about... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 9:42 AM on September 12, 2011

I love this. Thanks!
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 10:29 AM on September 2, 2011

Wow, for some reason these reminded me of seeing my babies in the womb on the high-res ultrasound monitor - both the sudden, disjointed moves and the slow, watery ones, all weirdly lit against the black background.

Which spurred all sorts of Deep Thoughts about wow, stars and galaxies being born looks just like babies about to be born, and it's all part of the mystical circle of life, and if that were a baby it would be, like, an actual God, and omg a baby God is about... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 12:26 PM on September 1, 2011

I just wasted waay too much time clicking on all the sites. The tea party ones made me chuckle, and I'm trying to figure out which hirsute shirt to get.

Jezztek, are they all your designs? Seriously great!

I don't suppose you'd do a Suzanne Collins hirsute one, would you? Or (don't hate me) J.K. Rowling? No? OK then...
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:03 AM on August 31, 2011

Jezztek - a few more suggestions if you're looking for women to add to the hirsute page:
- Betty Page? Very recognizable hairstyle + first name and an iconic character
- Ayn Rand? No idea what her hair looks like but you certainly have the first name recognition
- Rosie the riveter?

Really like the shirts and the site - have bookmarked it so I can keep an eye on upcoming designs.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 12:22 PM on August 31, 2011

Jezztek: ...I've gotten other people to give me the go ahead...

Would that be Neil Gaiman? I bet he loved it!
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 1:12 PM on August 31, 2011

ForeverDcember, the extraction process is both costly and invasive, which is why you're probably not finding much information on doing it purely for research. When eggs are extracted for IVF (so baby-making) purposes, more eggs are extracted than will probably be used. The donor can choose how she wants to dispose of the harvested eggs - donating to research is one of the options offered. (I've been through this process twice and know whereof I speak.) I imagine that the availability of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 9:32 AM on August 15, 2011

Don't sweat this. Worst case scenario they chalk it up to you being American and that's that, best case they're pleasantly surprised. If they liked you for the job, receiving a thank you note isn't going to be the thing that loses it for you. If they didn't like you, well, moot point. On you go and now you know for next time.
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 12:27 PM on August 8, 2011

My local US supermarket chain (Stop n Shop) also has a little mini-Brit import section, with both Jaffa cakes and (my favorite) Ribena. So do your due diligence at the local stores first!
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 9:54 AM on August 8, 2011

Where the hell is the father in all this?? You are penniless with a newborn and no job - and not a single mention of the daddy anywhere? I have no idea what your personal situation is, but oh, this galls me.

Re the doula, I think the fact that she wasn't present at the birth is a bit of a moot point. Every doula contract is different, and you've several times mentioned that part of her job was pre-birth education, which you presumably received. She cut the balance in... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 9:48 AM on August 8, 2011

...This was for a bet, right?

My first job out of college was at a boutique PR firm and Bill Nye the Science Guy was one of our clients (Reading Rainbow was another - it was a cool firm). I had occasion to meet and speak to Bill quite a few times and he really was as warm and funny and quirky in person as he comes across as on the show. He's of Norwegian ancestry, and when he found out I was from Norway, well, that was it - I was in. He'd ask... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 12:40 PM on August 4, 2011

I sure didn't see the end of the Sandman series coming (and am upset about it to this day, what, 15 years later?). Not really about revealing a secret identity, rather about the demise of a very important character (trying hard not to reveal spoilers here).
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 10:29 AM on August 3, 2011

Wow, mochapickle, that was a really good article, full of twists and turns. I find this kind of stuff completely compelling, for some reason...
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 8:34 AM on August 2, 2011

The waiting room and restaurant scenes are so spot on.

The first time I flew by myself after I had kids I was downright thrilled about everything that normally drives me crazy about traveling - the time at the airport (uninterrupted peoplewatching and window browsing!), the 6 hr flight in a tiny seat (six hours of uninterrupted reading and non-animated movies!), the crappy food (made for me, brought to me and cleaned... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 10:43 AM on July 21, 2011

they could reach in and grab a handful of salad wheneer they wanted

Who does this?? They totally just did that so they could say the punchline.

To answer the question:
- fluffy towels for many showers
- a cooler with drinks by the bed so you don't have to drink room temperature liquids or get out of bed - plus instant access to icecubes for sexytime
- extra hairbands to keep hair out of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by widdershins at 11:46 AM on July 6, 2011