Activity from widdershins

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Parenting tips for children with a mentally ill parent
+1 for Walking on Eggshells. My mother had BPD and it helped me tremendously. It is definitely more geared towards adult children, but I hope you will find strategies to help you.

As a child, my biggest issue in coping with my BPD mom was that I never knew which mom I would have on any given day - the charismatic, engaging one who I adored, the uninterested one who I just shrugged off, or the invective-spewing, spiteful one I tried to avoid at all costs. I used to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 3:39 PM on August 17, 2017

Potty training for preschool
I've potty trained 3 kids and there's no question, every child is different. What motivates one will have no impact on another.

I had a similar issue with my third. At age 3 and 1/2 and despite us trying everything that had worked for his two sisters for about six months, he showed zero interest. I knew he was physically capable of identifying when he had to pee and poop - I forget exactly how, but I think he'd told us a couple of times when he was about to. One… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 9:51 AM on August 2, 2017

I'm down on myself. Please help me be brave.
This article talks about a study from 2014 which showed that people who use 2nd or 3rd person in talking to themselves are able to create more distance between their negative self-talk and themselves.

I have found that to be really true for me, and to the extent I'm able to do it, it works even better when I say it out loud. For example, if my internal monologue is saying 'I'm such a procrastinator, why can't I just get this done? What is wrong… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 9:38 AM on August 2, 2017

Am I sabotaging this new relationship or is it not to be?
I have a different take on this. It sounds to me like you actually quite like this guy, but you've been too burned to trust that the relationship is actually going OK. To me, it sounds like your anxiety is getting in the way and you're doing that thing where you don't believe you're good enough and therefore you're constantly questioning how you feel, whether you should feel that way, whether it's enough for him and for you.

If he's really smothering you or treating… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 9:20 AM on August 2, 2017

"I love what I do and I love the Sea."
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:16 AM on August 2, 2017

Everyone needs a smile
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:13 AM on August 2, 2017

A (not-so) Inconvenient Tooth
Only yesterday I was telling my daughter that only male narwhals have tusks. I would hang my head in shame, but instead I'm just going to go through these links with her. Live and learn!
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:07 AM on August 2, 2017

Help build MetaFilter’s savings
This prompted me to add my updated credit card info to my PayPal account, so thank you for that, and sorry I forgot about it for a few months. MeFi 4EVA
posted to MetaTalk by widdershins at 9:50 AM on July 31, 2017

mathowie transfers ownership of MetaFilter to cortex
Congrats Cortex!!
posted to MetaTalk by widdershins at 9:42 AM on July 31, 2017

Kuş Evi: The outer walls of houses should be bird houses
Had never heard of this and I really like it. Thx Eyebrows!
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 6:25 AM on July 31, 2017

Does Sir Mix-a-Lot even HAVE an oeuvre?
Ha - I agree with all of the top 10. But Sir Mix-a-Lot? Hell no. Watching ALL the women, young and old, at our (lesbian) wedding shake their asses off to Baby Got Back is one of my favorite memories of the day.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 6:19 AM on July 31, 2017

A sewer becomes a frying pan, gas meters turn into quirky lobsters
Ha - I was just looking at these not even 10 minutes ago, and then I saw these, which made me realize I absolutely love this kind of graffiti art. How come none of this takes place where I live? The closest thing I've seen is someone sticking a blinking red light onto the nose of a Deer Xing sign. Which is cute and all, but I need MOAR
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 2:02 PM on July 27, 2017

Stuck In the Pseudo-Wife Zone
I'm a Norwegian living in the US, and I echo the comments above that huge weddings really aren't a thing in Scandinavia in general; however, they certainly could be a thing for his family.

I will also say that because so many Scandinavians choose not to get married, marriage is kind of considered to be more of a meaningful and sometimes more religious thing than it is in the US. And this may be playing into his reluctance to do a small, paperwork-only, ceremony here -… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 9:32 AM on July 20, 2017 marked best answer
That's a really nice way of saying that he actually isn't committed to marrying you yet.

Which may or may not be true, and by Scandinavian standards, completely OK. Just because you have a child with someone, it doesn't mean that you're committing to be with someone forever - it means you're committing to taking care of the child and co-parenting forever. In Norway, the idea of getting married just because you're pregnant is considered... kind of… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 1:21 PM on July 20, 2017 marked best answer

“Keep these safe. They are my whole life.” Charlotte Salomon
Wow. It looks like the grandfather had at least 3 suicides on his conscience. The horror she must have felt on being told that she had to live with him again, when she'd finally gotten out. No wonder she poisoned him within 3 months of moving back in. Veronal Omelette indeed. I would have poisoned the fucker too.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 8:53 AM on July 18, 2017

New England vacation for two moms and a baby
I was surprised that your question did not mention Provincetown. In the off chance you are not familiar, it is the gay/lesbian mecca on the cape. It is very famous not just for its nightlife but also for being especially family friendly to 'alternative' families. Somehow I have never been, but my wife must have gone a dozen times or so over the years before we met. All our lesbian friends goggle when they hear I haven't been (guess I should fix that at some point...).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 1:26 PM on July 12, 2017

"Every woman in Hollywood was reading for this movie"
I'm still convinced she let the ball go. She knew it meant more to Kit than it did to her.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:52 AM on July 8, 2017

No yak, that's like an ox.
My immediate theory was that someone said to do 'yak' for Y and the other person/illustrator misheard it as 'axe'.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:31 AM on June 30, 2017

First thing we do, let's pay all the lawyers
In his season ender last year, John Oliver listed several organizations that are fighting the good fight. They're outlined in this article. We started donating to National Resources Defense Council and International Refugee Assistance Project based on his show, and they're great.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 12:03 PM on June 29, 2017 marked best answer

Engagement party: gift?
If the luncheon is being funded by the engaged couple (or their families), then it's a gift occasion. However, it doesn't need to be a formal or big gift. A nicer-than-usual bottle of champagne or fine liquor would be a good gift - aged port, special champagne, something like that.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:54 AM on June 29, 2017

Offline ipad games for an 11-year-old?
Yes, I strongly recommend the Awakening series! They're perfect for 11-year olds (and I love them too). They're hidden object puzzle adventure games and you usually download them for free, then after some free gameplay you have to pay $6.99 to continue. Which seems a bit steep, but it takes hours - usually anywhere between 4-8 - to complete, and it's got great puzzles to complete along the way. You have to be online to buy, so make sure to check them out before you leave and pay for the full… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:49 AM on June 29, 2017

China's Mistress Dispellers
Shit like this makes me so damn angry. The other day I was listening to a Fresh Air interview with Manal al-Sharif, a Saudi woman who defied unwritten law to drive a car herself (Daring to Drive is the book she wrote about it). Listening to her talk about how many basic rights are denied to women in Saudi Arabia was physically painful to me. How the fuck did so, so many cultures of the world decide that women are less than, that women are inferior, that women are property? It wasn't that… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:58 AM on June 26, 2017

Reasonably affordable, experiential gifts
I love these ideas and am totally stealing them for date night. My marriage thanks you.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 1:46 PM on June 21, 2017

Making an apartment home
So there the trick to making an apartment feel like home is to make sure it appeals to all the senses - obviously sight, but also touch, hearing and smell. (I'd argue taste as well, but we'll leave that one out for now.) You do that by making sure you have the right balance in every room for:
- different levels of light
- color
- softness/textures
- scent (or at least the absence of bad smells)
-… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 8:37 AM on June 19, 2017

Outdoor speaker solutions
I'm not clear on whether you want the sound system to live outside permanently? If not and you're willing to move the speakers back into the house when you're done, I think Sonos is exactly what you're looking for, as long as you can plug them into a power outlet.

I have two, love them, and plan to add more.

Edited to add that there's a current promotion of $50 off two Play1's, so basically $350 for two great speakers.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 2:31 PM on June 12, 2017 marked best answer

Between an aging sailor's memory and contradictory written sources
Fascinating and charming.

This story reminded me of the recent 'what do I need to know in order to become a Canadian' AskMe, in which one of the answers was to make sure to take any opportunity to point out 'he's Canadian, you know'. As a Norwegian, I must say we also EXCEL at this, and I'd like to submit this story as evidence Exhibit A.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:27 AM on June 11, 2017

There Once Was a Groundskeeper...
I am not usually a supporter of football or hooliganism, but I have to admit I loved this story. Great read.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:25 AM on June 5, 2017

I took a trip to crazytown, but now I'm fine! Hire me!
I really think it's OK to say that after 15 years, you needed a break. A LOT of teachers get burned out, and 15 years is a long and honorable time to have taught. So you took a break, recharged and realize that you really miss teaching, and now you're back. Spin it to your advantage! You have fresh eyes and are super motivated because you know exactly what you're getting yourself into and exactly why you want to do this again. No apologies, no regrets. You know you're a great teacher -… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 8:04 AM on June 2, 2017

Gay Vulture Dads
I read this story yesterday and was surprised the article didn't reference And Tango Makes Three - a wonderful children's book from 2005 about the 2 gay penguins at the Central Park Zoo who raised a chick together (Tango, because it takes two...). It is honestly a great children's book that I have given as a present many times. As same-sex parents, we found it a wonderful way to show our kids diversity in families, and a very gentle way to teach them that homosexuality is indeed found in… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:45 AM on June 2, 2017

A New Blue for Crayola & You!
Umm... cobalt? Maybe it's my monitor or layman eyes, but that color looked really cobalt to me.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 1:40 PM on June 1, 2017

Forgotten Giants
I *heart* these. What a great project. My kids would adore coming across these in the woods. Who am I kidding, I would adore coming across these in the woods.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 9:02 AM on May 5, 2017

Advice for where to live in northern New Jersey
I work in real estate development and I agree with Miko and MattD that Newark is booming right now. It has long had a terrible reputation but it is very rapidly changing. We recently completed one project there (I won't self-link but memail me if you want details; it's gorgeous), have another one going and there will be many more. A Whole Foods just opened there last month, and Marcus Samuelson is about to open a restaurant within the next 9 months I think. If you're able to buy, this is a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 1:55 PM on May 4, 2017

plush baby toys in the washing machine?
Yes, they'll be fine. Honestly - if they don't survive the washing machine they're not worth it. Are you going to handwash them every time baby spits up on them or gets them messy? Hint: No. You will be far too busy doing literally anything else.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:18 AM on May 3, 2017 marked best answer

"We will all need each other in the days ahead."
This makes me want to cry. What the FUCK is wrong with these people.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:06 AM on May 3, 2017

Speeding/Disobeyed traffic control device ticket in NYS
OK, clearly consensus is to pay up. Thank you everyone!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:28 AM on April 25, 2017
mikepop, I think that's exactly what happened. I know my speedometer isn't off, or at least, not off by much, by times that I've driven past the 'you're going at XX speed' digital signs. That would explain why the number was so much higher than I feel it actually was. Good catch.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 8:19 AM on April 28, 2017

"Car cries are like, extra cathartic. What's with that?"
My mom died almost 7 years ago (which does not seem real *at all*, I just had to triplecheck my math) and I recognize all of these stages. I was messed up in weird ways for about 8 months after she died, even though (or perhaps because) I'd had a very difficult relationship with her. Grief hurts. And it's random. And it breaks us open in ways we don't recognize until years later. Thank you for posting cortex.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:50 AM on April 28, 2017

Cape Cod MA or Fernandina Beach FL?
I lived in Tampa and spent a fair amount of time on Jekyll and Amelia and they are both absolutely beautiful. However, I have to echo what the above posters say. Politically, it is just not liberal. I didn't find the racism to be as blatant as it was in, say Tallahassee (where I lived for one hellish year), but it is still simmering right under the surface. Also, global warming is making it even hotter (and more muggy and buggy), so if that's not a pro for you, I would consider it a strong… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 5:32 PM on April 24, 2017

Is it possible to cut off just *one* toxic family member?
I came in here to recommend Walking on Eggshells as well. This sounds incredibly familiar and it's an awful family dynamic. My mom was never formally diagnosed with BPD, but when I did the checklist I was able to tick something like 17 out of 18 boxes. Good luck - this is so hard.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 2:02 PM on April 3, 2017

Introducing the Faves & Flags roleplaying system
posted to MetaTalk by widdershins at 7:14 AM on April 3, 2017

What You Need To Know About Stillbirth: 4 Mothers Living Through Loss
A tough read. Not that I would have expected anything different, given the subject matter.

I was pregnant with twins 11 years ago. At the 20-week check-up, it became clear that one of them wasn't growing as fast or well as the other one, and at 31 weeks, she had run out of amniotic fluid and we had to do a c-section. I was so damn scared. My story has a happy ending - they both turned out happy, healthy, smart and amazing - and words cannot describe how grateful I… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 8:59 AM on March 30, 2017

The Apathetic Children
Really interesting article. I honestly expect to see more stories like this as the refugee crises worsen around the world. I wonder if part of the reason that it's only happening in Sweden so far is that subconsciously these kids know that their bodies will be taken care of by the government - I doubt that would be the case in, say, Sudan. Much to ponder here - thank you for posting, neroli.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:13 AM on March 28, 2017

Steel Magnolias: An Oral History
That was a really enjoyable article, and I agree I would have loved it to go on longer. I haven't seen this movie in ages and this just made me realize I'm way overdue. Thank you for sharing, leesh.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 7:27 AM on March 28, 2017

State of MetaFilter, 2017
I also want to extend my sincere thanks to the mods and to the community here. I'm more of a lurker and rarely comment, but I read MeFi every single day. I just looked up my joiner date and almost choked to see that I've been here just shy of FIFTEEN YEARS, which - I can't even... MeFi remains my first stop on the internet and is the only website community I've ever wanted to join (see 'lurker' above) and during the elections it was the only thing that kept me sane.… [more]
posted to MetaTalk by widdershins at 2:04 PM on March 23, 2017

Fiction that changes (daily) lives?
Marge Piercy's Woman on the Edge of Time absolutely blew my mind open as a 20-year old. I still think of it often, 20 years later, in so many different types of situations.

It made me think about sexuality in a new way. Even though I intellectually considered myself bisexual before reading it, it was the first book that made me really consider sexuality as fluid for everyone, and how much of our sexuality is a social construct.

It made me think… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 2:10 PM on March 17, 2017

Darkness is good.
I found that Guardian article pretty terrifying. It summed up in one place in black and white all the various threats to democracy that I've been feeling and seeing, all in one place.

When I woke up the morning after Brexit and saw the results, for the first time I felt a terrible foreboding that Trump might actually win the election - until that point I'd been pretty optimistic that cooler heads would prevail. The morning after the US election I woke up to a text… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 8:12 AM on March 15, 2017

The friendship of a dog is precious.
Dogs are the best.
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 6:49 AM on March 8, 2017

Wenk called it “the Kevin stimulus.”
Ha - I just got my own office, and one of my first actions was to put a bowl of mints on my desk. Unanticipated positive: my whole office smells minty fresh. Unanticipated negative: people come into my office and eat them when I'm not around. I'm frequently out of the office, and came back yesterday to find that the mints were all gone, including the very last one. I'm a little torn between thinking that it's kinda rude of people to help themselves to my mints when I'm not around, and… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 11:32 AM on March 1, 2017

A Sinful Waste of Time
So after the horror show that was the 2016 election, I decided it was time to support journalism by buying an online subscription to a quality newspaper. I was torn on whether to go for Wapo or NYT, but in the end I decided on NYT since it's geographically closer to me. I didn't realize that with the subscription, you get access to all their online crossword puzzles as well... and I am now completely consumed.

Over the last few years I've been concerned about my… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by widdershins at 12:50 PM on February 15, 2017

Car recommendations for a growing family
Oh, and I meant to add: don't underestimate the fabulousness that is dual climate controls! Being able to set a different temperature in the back for the kids is gold, particularly on long trips when they're getting hit with a lot of sun.

Ditto for leather seats - from an animal-loving and price perspective, I'm not a fan, but from a keeping the car from smelling like little Timmy's puke from that trip last year perspective, I love them. My commuter car has fabric… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by widdershins at 2:54 PM on February 14, 2017

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