I agree with Alvy. His general aura -- careless, rude, and inarticulate -- reminds me of when the camgirls invaded Metafilter and made everyone cry with their sheer vacuousness. But out of that muck rose kindall's beautiful comment. I'm not sure what the moral is, except maybe that there's not much point to wrestling a pig. Or for that matter, engaging one. For one thing, it's impossible to find a diamond ring that will fit over a hoof that size. Trust me -- I've looked.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 6:13 AM on July 26, 2008

One girl.

I'm George, and it would be nice to see this particular stat increase in the future. Om shanti and thanks.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 5:33 AM on May 22, 2008

Vacapinta is so levelheaded, smart, and kind -- a great choice. And yes, congratulations (although the colonies still miss you).
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 3:25 PM on May 18, 2008

That said, I feel very wrong basically having the power to take something off a website that is making someone else feel like they made a big huge mistake...

The valuing of people over hard fast rules is why I like AskMe and is just one part of why I'm glad you're here. Thanks, jessamyn.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 7:48 PM on May 13, 2008

The two-letter, no-period state abbreviations preferred by the U.S. Postal Service should always be used where a zip code follows, and they may appear in any context where abbreviations are appropriate (see 17.100). Many writers and editors, however, prefer the older forms[...]." I am such an editor,

Ooh, I'm tingling all over, because you are wrong. You are wrong and crusty with the dust of wrong ancients here. There are unimpeachable... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 7:36 AM on April 30, 2008

The first time I am forced to handle funeral arrangements I'm not just calling ColdChef, I'm flying him to my location and paying him to be my personal funerary consultant and bodyguard (as needed). I intend to ask him to wear a suit, sunglasses, and headset and give a Glasgow kiss to any rapacious funeral directors or drunk uncles who cross my path. Half the people there will be terribly impressed and the other half will just think he's my dealer but I'll be happy either way.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 11:08 AM on April 16, 2008

You've dealt with every aspect of this process with dignity and grace and it's a beautiful thing to see. Thanks for letting us share in your happiness.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 10:17 AM on April 14, 2008

And, as has already been pointed out, it's not like askme is some obscure, rarely-visited-or-linked-to internet cul-de-sac.

It was far more so then than now. AskMe has grown the way it has because of threads like those and the people who wrote for them so freely. When I participated in that thread I had no idea it would become such a touchstone, and I highly doubt too many other people writing in it did either.

Whatever... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 8:40 PM on April 7, 2008

Privacy? Those who post personal information on a publicly available website have already given up any expectation of privacy.

That was a bad example and poor word to use. Here is what I actually meant: whenever some entity has used the words "opt-out system" with me in the past it's been because they are doing something I don't like and are making ME responsible for 1). being aware of the crappy thing that they are doing and 2). letting... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 11:37 PM on April 7, 2008

This MetaTalk thread has gotten a little out-of-hand. Let me correct the mis-interpretation. This supposed book I'm making is totally opt-in and permission-based.

You also said in your original post that the web site you are making is opt-out and nonpermission-based, and that is what I and many others, including the moderators, are concerned about. Please respond definitively about whether you will change that.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 7:09 AM on April 8, 2008

I'm sticking up for open signups, and I say that as someone who sulkily lurked for at least 2 years waiting to become a $5 n00b.

I respectfully disagree. I lurked a similar length of time and it made me a lot more appreciative of this place than I would otherwise be. I realize that is not universally true, but there's something positive to be said about being made to observe how the site and community functions for a while before acquiring a... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 12:32 AM on March 27, 2008

Metafilter survived a closed sign-up period once, and Matt's specified it would be one of a few months as opposed to years. That's hardly comparable to kicking Emma Lazarus in the pants or whatever other tsuris people are invoking.

It's fairly obvious that for every bit of bile and scammery we see above the surface that the mods are contending with a great deal more behind the scenes -- and far worse, since email and IM interactions don't include the embarrassment and... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 4:05 PM on March 27, 2008

I've got it starting at a bit before 16 minutes. You sound fantastic, doll. Congratulations! Cursing as poetry -- it must be the goddamn Renaissance around here, then.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 2:59 PM on February 28, 2008

Just best of stuff here. There's so much from AskMe that it's hard to narrow down, but here's a sample of things that have stayed with me:

Vienna phonebook
Talking to the dying
Life-altering experiences
Checklist for life practicalities
My 6 year old sees things other people don't

For me, the best front page posts are the ones that blow my mind in a holy smokes, I never knew that kind of... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 7:05 AM on February 19, 2008

I wonder if the visible favorites is the cause? Far too often people seem to try to be the most snarky, the most shrill, the most dramatic, the most hyperbolic, or the most abrasive as possible.

I've long felt this was a big influence, and some of the ugly or attention-whorish things that rise to the top here leave a very bad taste in my mouth. (Especially the snarky comment that's pretty near the de rigueur opener for every front page post now; it's... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 12:45 PM on February 12, 2008

At the time I said that this story by dglynn was one of the best things I ever read here. It's still true.

On a lighter note, it came post-favorites but every so often I go back to this comment by shmegegge and laugh my ass off.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 12:50 PM on February 11, 2008

Defining yourself through what other people think of you is bad faith.

And defining other people -- in this case, an entire cultural and often genetically distinct identity -- with broad strokes of caricature is the essence of bad faith. Doing it with a few bits of Yiddish or Jewish culture with which you have a glancing familiarity only makes it that much nastier. Accusing Astro Zombie, a far funnier man than you, of being a third-rate Catskills... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 12:13 PM on January 18, 2008

I don't know what Astro Zombie is thinking but when I get in arguments with other Jews I don't tell them to go stick their putz in the kreplach or whatever. It is cringeworthy, dude. I despise when people form lame equivalencies between other minorities so I will not do that here but it is along the lines of having watched Uncle Sol do his "What it is, my brother" routine with some of the other dudes at the OTB. At least his goal is to be friendly, though. You were pulling out some... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 10:08 PM on January 18, 2008

to read that from you makes it seem like you're not even trying

I am trying to understand why an intelligent and culturally engaged person such as yourself caves in to the get fucked impulse at all and resorts to bellicosity so frequently. "Mistakes in phrasing and tone" is a very generous gloss for the tact you took here and you could have reserved some of that generosity for interpreting what others were trying to say. You demanded... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 12:35 PM on January 19, 2008

Congratulations hermitosis (I am an AMC addict!), and smart move interviewing the handsome and suave and always fascinating ColdChef. If anyone reading this hasn't heard the Mefi podcast that featured him stop whatever you're doing and just listen. In my experience it and a light box and a little daily exercise are a fail-safe remedy for seasonal affect disorder.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 5:56 AM on January 16, 2008

Dang it, I always get left off the narcotics paraphernalia list. I bet you guys all went to the planetarium without me, too. I love the planetarium and narcotics too you know. Stop bruising my feelings.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 8:29 AM on January 16, 2008

I'll try not to yammer on here but my decision to be open about my identity arose out of a lot of different things. I lurked for a year or so during the closed signup days and getting a login was a big deal to me. I already thought about this as a community before I ever joined and already had a friend here (hi, languagehat!) when I started. It is corny but I wanted to be a good citizen of metafilter because I truly cared a lot about it and about the very idea of a generally smart and civil... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 6:42 AM on January 15, 2008

Thanks very much for all your hard work, pb. One other thing that I would like to see more than just about anything else if you have time would be nice wide live preview fields like the ones throughout the rest of the site.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 7:50 AM on January 3, 2008

which is that I find MusicFi lacking a sense of community

You've posted some good ideas here, but whether or not they are pursued, there are other things you can do to contribute to that sense of community: commenting, playlisting, listening to Alvy's very fine podcast and giving him feedback (the 12/10 show featuring micayoteca was amazing and I truly hope people more people will listen to it; I love that guy!), getting in touch with other musicians... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 4:12 AM on December 30, 2007

Bavaria, I hope that you have some mefites in you and furthermore that you do not miss the chance to meet cmonkey. Life is just better when you know cmonkey.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 2:15 PM on December 21, 2007

I suppose people were reacting to the total package presented but I have never been comfortable with dissecting the affectations or deficiencies in other people's style, even celebrity other people, which is why reading Gawker or something gives me hives. No doubt it is a nerd cliche, but it takes me too uncomfortably back to grade school, when we were dead broke and I wore cheap jeans and lumpy handmade sweaters to school every day, and glasses hanging from a chain so I wouldn't lose them and..... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 11:11 AM on December 19, 2007

Gay kocken offen yom, Languagehat. I am tired of you being smarter and funnier than me. Color me gone! Here's my right hand as a parting gift, you shitsmoking stumpfucker.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 10:51 AM on December 18, 2007

I'm back! But one more stunt like this and I'm really leaving, you wordy damn fartchicken.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 10:52 AM on December 18, 2007

Does anyone else get super paranoid in a LH-related thread that you will make a minor grammatical error and look like an unwashed Philistine? Anyone?

No, I'm more paranoid that we'll start playing the dozens, because I'll be knocked out by round one, even if I don't understand that he just called my mother a goat who cavorts with soldiers in Rom.

On preview: damn, that sucks, languagehat. Are you at least getting a royalty... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 11:19 AM on December 18, 2007

As long as we're all flailing here can I just say I've never been much of a pot person? This is because most that's been in my orbit has been foul ditchweed dried in someone's microwave. Blargh.

However, I have this fantasy about Meatbomb's pot. I'm thinking it has golden filaments the esoteric color of saffron and is dotted with microscopic mushrooms that confer ageless wisdom and benevolence on its partakers. I'm thinking its street name is "Aldous Huxley.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 5:38 PM on December 11, 2007

I call maudlin, sentimental, histrionic chatfilter.

Were these random stories without context, I might agree. However, reading that thread brought home for me just how familiar I've got with a number of people here in just a few short years, and how so many have become correspondents or friends. A healthy portion of the respect and fondness I have for so many here is the result of threads like these. Among those names are people who taught me about... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 1:00 AM on December 10, 2007

I am awed. Beautifully done! Thank you so much, shothotbot.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 10:49 PM on December 8, 2007

I would rather not see it deleted because it is hardly egregious, and I favor less not more deletions.

I didn't find it sexist, perhaps mildly annoying. But what I do dislike is that it was a launching pad for the type of "I'd hit it/cute/not" derail that I do often find annoying and/or offensive. OK, so it did not derail in that direction - but clearly, it was ill-advised to make the comment because it has been a major derail.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 5:52 PM on December 5, 2007

If grumblebee were routinely a jerk to people here and excused it with a self-diagnosis of Aspergers I'd understand your unhappiness. Yet he is scrupulously careful and polite in his dealings with others here -- more than most. So what is your complaint? That someone you don't know, working in an office you don't work in, wants to find a solution for his hardship (accurately diagnosed or not) that does not inconvenience any of his coworkers, who are also strangers to you?... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 2:17 PM on November 29, 2007

I totally see your point, mdn, and those of others here. I don't think casual self-diagnosis or worse, casually diagnosing others based on a few lines of text is such a hot idea, either. Yet it happens a lot, especially in AskMe, so singling out one poster -- and yes, a nice and helpful community member at that -- about something this personal is not exactly fair or likely to produce a global change to the practice.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 3:39 PM on November 29, 2007

Wait - Chaka Khan is a Republican?

Yeah, she did fundraising for Dubya.

Huh, a metatalk post actually made me scream OH GOD WHY. I guess it had to happen sooner or later.

Also, this post is much better if you imagine it in the dulcet tones of Paul Harvey.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 2:53 PM on November 28, 2007

To me, the appeal (and entertainment value) of discussions in the blue and gray stems from its emphasis on direct combativeness and wit, rather than validation and consensus (that's the green). IMO the best way to counter the Boyzone would have been rebuttals in-thread, like Jessamyn's trenchant quip "I am pretty all the time, fuckers", challenging individuals to defend their words and values openly -- i.e. community self-policing, not nannying.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 8:40 AM on November 24, 2007

I can't stop following these threads, even when I have work to do :(

Ain't it the truth.

Don Pepino, I crew on both the good ships Miserably Bothered and Post Bothered, as you say to get on in the world. I also tend to tune out low-level nonviolent insensitivity because it's a mote in my own eye. I assume the imperfections and prejudices that live in the secret recesses of my heart sometimes make me... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 1:53 PM on November 27, 2007

bugbread, I'm thinking of a category between hard-core racist and not-at-all. I think a lot of people fall somewhere between those two poles. So yes, I think a hard-core sexist won't care if he's looking me in the eye, but I'm not thinking of him. I'm thinking of all the other people who have some degree of sexist assumptions, and who feel liberated to indulge them when it's in the form of humor instead of a straightforward statement.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 2:21 PM on November 27, 2007

And now that I've used half a dozen thinkings in a row that's a clear sign I should stop thinking aloud, because I have the feeling I'm starting to make no sense. This is more subtle territory than really obviously hostile remarks, and I don't know how successful I can be at articulating it. Don Pepino's doing it really intelligently, though.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 2:28 PM on November 27, 2007

My goodness, woodblock100, your prints are breathtaking and are beyond reasonably priced. I'm thinking gifts but I'm also thinking I need one pretty badly. (I sure don't need a commission -- I'll happily tell my friends who love beautiful things for free.)

I'm really glad this thread was posted -- thanks, dejah420.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 9:31 PM on November 26, 2007

I'm in! Thanks for suggesting it, parmanparman, and Argyle as well for pulling it together. Meatbomb, if you go to the "You" tab and select "Update your profile" you can add an address.

Also, if you get me, I like my ladybugs shined to a high glossy finish and trained to hum "When You Wish Upon a Star" on command.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 3:05 PM on November 26, 2007

Our dinner went fine, but it was mostly people we already knew -- and one of the reasons I posted an early guest list was so that people would know there really were people coming and be comfortable attending, but also if they showed up and were vomit-on-the-couch level rude there was a posse, so to speak.

So I'd say the best way to do this would be to suss out some locals you already have a rapport with here or have met at another meetup, then post that they will be in... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 11:21 AM on November 23, 2007

...a unique departure from my normal behavior.

Hardly. For instance, there was this bon mot you deployed when Paris Hilton went to the pokey. I have never forgotten it. It is thoroughly brutal. And that it came from you, with your stated commitment to gender equality -- well, that just made it all the more awful.

Here is what you need to understand. It does not matter, one iota, whether you think a woman is exceptional,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 6:17 PM on November 17, 2007

EB, you have always been a brave voice about sexism, and it makes me sad that you have chosen to leave. I hope you come back when you are ready.

Klangklangston, I did not appreciate your joke at the beginning of this thread or your attitude that because you had heard this discussion before it deserved your "bored snark."

And I did not appreciate the way you used the points I was trying to make with great care and... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 2:05 PM on November 19, 2007

Feminism practice as experience sharing and consciousness-raising is a better, more inclusive model.

If you had read this thread with care you would have seen that many, many women spoke up to say they found that kind of sexually violent imagery (a skanky bitch being choked by a penis, another being sodomized by knives) to be disturbing and inimical to rational, balanced conversation. The author of those comments agreed. Men who had previously not... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 6:08 PM on November 19, 2007

Campaigns tend not to work because a lot of people don't like anything that smacks of official preaching. I also don't want to see the beauty of what matt has created altered -- his light touch and emphasis on self-policing is part of what has made this place so great. So if we can come to no other agreement about where we can go from here, let's start with self-policing.

Many of us paying attention at this point are among the site's most active users. It's tremendous... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 6:59 AM on November 21, 2007

Every last thing that occhiblu just said, particularly:

I think there needs to be a fairly strong commitment from other women not to step in with a "Oh, grow up, I'm not offended, so you shouldn't be either" dismissal.

Yes, yes, yes.
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 9:18 AM on November 21, 2007

I'm sorry but I also hate the idea of public flagging. It's just rife with potential for joke uses, fostering grudges, and bean-counting. I've never liked public favorites flagging for that reason. I think it's really encouraged a lot of thoughtlessness and meanness. So many times a really nasty fuck you comment gets favorites and it becomes a competition to see who can get in the most hilarious dig on another person, and by consequence the most favorites from the shitcock brigade. No... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 11:52 AM on November 21, 2007

koeselitz, is that comment brought me back to high school in rural Kansas in more ways than one. Thanks.

I'd also like to continue thinking about site etiquette guidelines, too, based a bit on what klang and Uranus and others have put together, as well as what's already on the site.

Me too. Thank you, jessamyn and mathowie, for starting a concrete plan.

Maybe some of us can hash that out... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by melissa may at 11:16 AM on November 22, 2007