Loved them - thanks.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 6:01 AM on December 22, 2005

We have inherent rights, but none of these are absolute -- we can't shout "Fire!" in a crowded theater for instance

Henry V, Prologue
CHORUS: O for a Muse of fire!

King Lear, Act III, Scene II
LEAR: Rumble thy bellyful! Spit, fire!

Pericles, Act III, Scene II
CERIMON: Make a fire within / Fetch hither all my boxes in my closet.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 3:38 AM on December 21, 2005

because nothing is a better ... etc

Mate, I thought it was just a irreverent brush-off when someone trots out the cliche that you can't shout fire in a crowded theatre: "Wait, that's how Henry V starts!"
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 4:09 AM on December 21, 2005

85% of Americans are going to heaven

Well hurry the fuck up.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 8:47 AM on December 20, 2005

Actually, I would like to apologise for calling for the quick demise of 85% of the population of the USA. Apparently actively supporting genocide and/or crimes against humanity isn't "cool" anymore.

Personally, it strikes me as political correctness gone mad, but - grudgingly - I will admit that millions upon millions of untimely deaths might not add up to the big fucking chuckle-fest I first assumed it would.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:45 AM on December 20, 2005

I'd gladly buy one of these "dilbrators" if the checkout staff would help me pack the six inches of vibrating pseudopenis up my puckered asshole.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 5:36 AM on December 18, 2005

VOTE #1 QUIDNUNC KID FOR BUMFUCK!
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 2:00 AM on December 16, 2005

This is fucking stupid. Everyone knows that ursine lovers are kind and gentle, and copulate longtemps and dexterously to bring their partners, shaking with orgasmic delight, to the very acme of rapture - until they float gently back to the safety of their warm embrace and lie exhausted but satisfied in their oh no wait I'm thinking of sailors. Sorry.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:35 AM on November 1, 2005

So - were all just agreeing mindlessly with Emma Stokien, a 15-year-old from New York?

Let me just point out what Kurt Willoughby, a 13-year-old from Kansas City said about this: "I think its cool, I guess".

And should we ignore the wisdom of Summer Wallace, a 12-year-old from San Fransico: "I don't like swans - I like ducks better" - ?

I think I'll just finish up by reminding you all of what Justin... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:37 AM on August 12, 2005

I hate kids just as much as anyone, but that doesn't mean they're not right sometimes

Oh really? Well I've only got two words for you: go fuck yourself.

Right ... that's actually three words. So try these two words on for size: bugfucker. And by "bugfucker" I mean YOU.

OK - "you" is obviously only one word, not two. But the point here is that my two words are "bugfucker =... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:52 AM on August 12, 2005

Speaking as a Republican, I would like my child to grow up to be George W Bush, our courageous and - if I may say so - supremely intelligent President.

Of course, that's quite an ambition - and I can't say I'm certain that he'll make it! I guess I'd be satisfied if junior grew up to be George's leg, or even one of Vice-President Cheney's testicles. Perhaps Condi's chin - I'm not sure. But one thing I am sure of is that you fucking liberals all want your children to... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 6:53 AM on August 12, 2005

ccorlew, your comments about the poetic arts make me
Weary, weary.

Like poison tipped barbs that enter my eyeballs making them
Teary, teary.

Like a hungry dog, you are cruel and so very very very very
Sneery, sneery.

I must console myself with wine and other beverages that are
Beery, beery.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:49 AM on August 3, 2005

Dear God, not the ß! That was the best part!
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 4:05 AM on August 3, 2005

Any moron with half a brain can figure out how to disrupt day to day activities already

Oh, evilelvis! You poor, sad, woe-begotten, syphilitic, depraved, rabid, sociopathic, worm-ridden, cancerous, horrible, petty, dung-infested, rustic fool! How can you be so BLIND?

Basically, the Adminarchy removed all the most important parts from this manual - such as the chapter that tells terrorists how to ensure that their 70 virgins... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:21 AM on July 27, 2005

The fact that some Americans might seriously discuss cyclists as alternatives to lead them politically seems odd to me

Actually, "Cyclocracy" or "Pedalarchy" is a well-respected form of government according to the ancients. For example, Herodotus of Halicarnassus wrote glowing reports about the Thracians, and I quote from Book V of his Histories:

"The Thracians are the most... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 3:40 AM on July 26, 2005

"Logic"? WAAH WAAH BABY NEEDS HIS LOGIC BOTTLE! Pfft!

Basically, everyone agrees that your so-called "logic" died when Spock was rescued from that Genesis planet, proving that if you have pointy ears then we should all kidnap whales to keep you alive. How does THAT fit into your "logic"? NEWSFLASH, KLINGONS: IT DOESN'T.

Nowadays, the cool kids decide their ethical, political and metaphysical conundra via the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 2:04 AM on July 26, 2005

LAMEST. TERRORISM. EVER.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 6:51 AM on July 21, 2005

Fuck you Flashboy. I lost a friend two weeks ago in the charming and witty original.

Flash is a Londoner, and is displaying a dry and stoic English humour.

I hope when you go, you are alone and in the wreck of a car.

Funny!
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:14 AM on July 21, 2005

What you MOONBATS don't understand is that freedom's just another word for "nothin' left to lose". Only when everyone dies will we be truly free - and that's good enough for me and Bobby McGee. Oh, and Rumsfelch too.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 8:29 AM on July 20, 2005

Well, we've always wondered how we could begin a nuclear war in an ethically responsible way! What's important is that a whole bunch of people die in a terrible fashion immediately, and then radiation sickness kills millions more in the most painful way possible.

I also think it would be useful for babies to be born terribly deformed, many without heads or with withered limbs. That way, when Jesus comes, we'll all be like, "Hey, check these guys out! They're... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 5:38 AM on July 19, 2005

I wouldn't mind a chance at open warfare with the middle east dictatorships and theocracies

Good, good! I also think war is a fine thing - ah, the blood, the amputations, the hatred of the enemy, etc etc. What guns do you own, American person?
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 5:48 AM on July 19, 2005

American people, "they" attacked you. You have strong armies - kill "them" all, destroy their cities and convert "them" to your gods. Did God give you your nuclear weapons so that you would be weak? USE THEM. Destroy all those who threaten you - you are the master race, we who live in poor nations are inferior beings who look to you as our lords. This is the way of history, of nature!
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 6:11 AM on July 19, 2005

if you only point is that you might get stung, then well done

Another is that this incredibly obvious conclusion is the very one being denied by Blair et al, showing them up to be either (1) incredibly bad liars; or (2) complete fucking idiots.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 10:51 AM on July 18, 2005

I don't know what it's like in your country dios, but in mine I generally take umbrage at being treated by Dear Leader as if I was as thick as pig shit.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 10:55 AM on July 18, 2005

We'll post the best of your entries on this site over the next few months, and the best of the best will be included ... in My Favorite Word, a book to be published next year.

"Royalties"
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 4:44 AM on July 18, 2005

This is good. But what address do we send it to? And what's the postage cost? It's all cool if these guys are living in Finsbury Park - hell, I'll put up the 27p myself. But what if they're in "World Zone 2" or whatever - like, maybe Nauru? That shit costs money man - and I for one am saving up for Olympics Tickets. These fucking terrorist guys can come and pick up their own mail for fuck's sake, the cheap pricks.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:34 AM on July 8, 2005

I like quonsar. Though I don't necessarily agree with every or anything he might say - neither he me. I don't think he's a prick. He didn't, for example, blow up a bus today.

Ooh, I have a looong walk home from central London now :(
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:19 AM on July 7, 2005

You don't have to blow up a bus to be a prick

Well, that's true. Look at me, for example :(
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:35 AM on July 7, 2005

Ditto, Summer - I hope your mate pulls through.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 2:51 AM on July 8, 2005

I agree with languagehat. We should NOT bomb Germany because of this. Paris? - yeah, maybe. Brussels? - OK we've all thought about it. But the point is, I'm going to Munich tomorrow so let's all just calm down a little for fuck's sake.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:12 AM on July 8, 2005

All you hear from this Trojan whiner is how much he hates horses. Well he shouldn't have fucked that Greek guy's wife.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 8:01 AM on July 3, 2005

Odd, I always thought that the U.S. was a complete fucking joke too.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:49 AM on July 1, 2005

Looks like that Captain America guy can't count. Fuck YOU, spiderman or whatever.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:46 AM on July 1, 2005

if making fun of Islam is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

I saw Imam Ali in the street the other day so I went over and PUNCHED HIM IN THE HEAD. He was all like "WTF dude?" and I was all like "oh sorry I thought you were Mu'awiya Ummayad" and he was all like "well that I am not is al-dhaher, so why don't you go and make yourself al-baten, dickhead?"
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 5:48 AM on July 1, 2005

So we can have fun with Islam, O Abu lugha ibn baranit*.

* you may need to correct me on this.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:50 AM on July 1, 2005

Well I am absolutely disgusted by this. It seems like the U.S. government is always trying to solve its problems by building marinas - from the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli. These endless criminal invasions by the United States Marina Corps simply entrench the American thassalocracy, but when Godzilla comes where do you think he'll start his rampage of terror? IDIOTS.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:24 AM on June 27, 2005

What, a MALE giving birth is a cliché? What non-vulval orifice did YOU come out of? It's been nothing but uterus, uterus, and uterus since we first evolved from the Flintstones and now you people want to knock something "cool" and "new".
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 6:23 AM on June 27, 2005

O richest azure canvas! O diaphanous jewelry of the sky!
Why does my heart tremble with this aching wonderment? Why?
My soul is o'erwhelmed by the heavens' delicate cornucopia!
Of these cloudy fog sculptures, that are unseen by those with myopia.
Yet are they not too fragile to be pronounced merely "pretty"?
Unless some uncouth mouth should suggest that they are reminiscent of a porcine titty
Sweet muses, prithee,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 5:35 AM on June 27, 2005

No - please do not e-mail me and thank me - it is my pleasure to share my refined gift of word-song with you lesser beings. If I have given you but a droplet-taste of the violent passions that shake the true poet, then I have brought a sliver of sunlight into the dark caves of your minds.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 5:39 AM on June 27, 2005

He touched our hearts with his gentle good humour, his marvellous sense of fun and his unblemished gentlemanly conduct - save only for his lecherous ogling of Carol's first-class knockers, of course. Truly a British institution, and I for one am extremely sad at his passing. My sympathies to his family and all those who enjoyed Countdown as much as I did.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 4:12 AM on June 27, 2005

Well said, nervousfritz. Personally, I think its totally disgusting that longbaugh is vomiting his vile hate-froth over celebrated movie star Tom Cruise.

Just where the fuck would we be without Tom? We would never have had the cruise missile, cruise ships, cruise control OR San Juan de la Cruz. Jerk.

I might be a nubile around here or whatever, but it seems pretty obvious to me that while longbaugh is from mars, I want to suck Tom's penis.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 11:34 AM on June 21, 2005

The REAL problem is: who is making too much noise in America's libraries?

As much as you tell them to "shh!", those damn terrorists never shut up - they're always rustling packets of crisps, looking up words like "penis" in the encyclopedia and giggling, and loudly performing wudu.

That's why I support the Secret Police in their just war against subversion - by putting duct tape over my mouth before I set off to the library... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 8:05 AM on June 20, 2005

i bet you eat humans too

Well, at least I do it quietly.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 8:19 AM on June 20, 2005

Are you going to talk about your plans to stage a commando raid and bring this woman (and one-by-one every Pakistani woman) to freedom? Or are you the absolute ruler of Pakistan or a big American corporation that can dictate foreign policy?

One could perhaps support Amnesty's Campaign and/or write letters to your local Pakistani diplomats, your own elected officials, the tooth fairy, etc.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:31 AM on June 17, 2005

I'd risk my life for this particular woman, Mayor Curley ... If you have the funds I know the guys.

Mmm It's a pity you're so poor, unlike that Bruce Wayne guy. We should call him in on this.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:44 AM on June 17, 2005

>zhzhzh!
>my lightsabre is lit
>zhzhj jhzhz hzhzhj!
>I brandish it with power. You fear my awesome FORCE skills.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 7:21 AM on June 13, 2005

Hello am new here. what does womp womp is? thanks you i am first postal! hi to mark howwie!
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 9:10 AM on June 2, 2005

It should be pretty obvious to all of you simpletons that the REAL problem with our society is not an inability to write, it's language itself.

I personal abhor both the written and spoken word, which are collectively responsible for every single war ever ever ever. That's why I never use them.

What we need is to completely do away with "words" and the like, and communicate like the fish do: with a combination of telepathy and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 3:48 AM on June 1, 2005

No, let's kill him or at least strap him to an eel.
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 8:30 AM on April 29, 2005

Oddly, I always shit standing u- ah fuck its happened again hang on a second
posted to MetaFilter by the quidnunc kid at 12:30 PM on April 19, 2005