Personally I want to know why the fuck my MeFi membership is now only worth $1.20.

I honestly didn't realise when I made my initial investment that MeFi was carrying so many sub-prime users.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:30 PM on October 9, 2008

Hello? Is not the clue in the name? This user is THINKING. Dude's name is not Meposts, Mecomments, Me-asks-mefi, Me-rocks-out, or Mejobs-it-up. Dude is like, THINKING. Most of you people never had a goddamn thought in your lives that you didn't immediately type out on some website, but when a genuine THINKER turns up, it's all "WAAH WAAH WAAH THOUGHT IS AN ILLUSION ONLY ACTION IS MEANINGFUL!" Jesus fucking Christ. I'm just waiting for the thoughtful one, the supreme penseur, to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:04 PM on October 6, 2008

Election in the great white north? Well, I think Santa will probably get in again. Sure, he won't get the Jewish vote, but that's never been a problem for him before.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 11:41 AM on October 4, 2008

Dear AskMe,

I've been in my current job now for almost 8 years, and I really feel that other people don't respect my work. [MORE INSIDE]

I made a lot of changes when I came in, and really tried to push through some radical approaches to things. But lately, I've noticed that my staff (and ex-staff) are criticising me, and saying that I got a lot of things wrong.

This one ex-employee - let's call him Scott - was... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 3:30 AM on September 15, 2008

Q: Will I win $30,000,000 in the lottery tomorrow? Please only post positive answers.

Q: I need to write a PhD thesis in molecular chemistry from scratch by 8.00 am tomorrow. Only HELPFUL answers, please!

Q: I'm looking for you personally to go down the store and buy me a quart of milk, maybe some gum. You know the rules of AskMe, so please don't post any negative, irrelevant bullshit. And hurry up!
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 3:16 AM on September 14, 2008

I'd like this comment to be "anonymised", because I'm typing it while fucking a goat. Thanks.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 1:07 PM on July 29, 2008

lolfi was a one-off hack ... I haven't touched it since 2002 or so and don't plan to.

This is what I hate about you fickle, fickle nerds. You make a whole LOL-FI site in cute cat language and now that the meme is a few years old you're all "too-cool-for-school". Well you're not fooling anyone, Mathowie - we all remember you when were posting "IM IN UR MEFI MODULATIN UR COMMENTS" and "I CAN HAS DOT?" to MetaTalk, and just... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:00 PM on May 19, 2008

Disgusting. Once again the MeFi Oligarchy appoints one of their cronies to a position of unlimited power in total secrecy, laughing in the face of necessary checks and making rude hand gestures at traditional balances.

And what do we know about this shadowy mandarin, this newly clenched fist of the old horrific regime? Allow me to quote the very words of the Vice-Minister for Deletion, Herr Doktor J. Amyn:

you don't know who he is ...... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 8:29 AM on May 18, 2008

cosmis osmo, you are asking why your questions suck: if you get any good answers here then it's obvious you don't need any advice about asking questions and you're wasting our time. But if you don't get any relevant answers here, then you've wasted your own time. Either way you are wasting time asking questions - just post statements to AskMe instead, e.g. "Hey, I love smoking, but the thing is: fuck you, asshole." That'll generate some replies.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 11:08 AM on April 23, 2008

Well, I don't like this quidnunc kid character - he sounds like just the kind of no-nothing, attention-seeking loudmouth whose witless buffoonery is killing metafilter.

Of course, I blame the site administrators for letting anybody join without sufficient and rigorous background checks for a measly 5 bucks.

So really, this is your fault, Matt Howie - and I for one look forward to your full and frank apology. And remember that no apology is... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 1:11 PM on March 29, 2008

"Greasemonkey for non-Firefox browsers" - ?

I don't mean to alarm you nerds, but does it ever occur to you that your arcane computer-talk is becoming dangerously exciting for all those uncontrollable bestiality fetishists out there?

If Roderick, my pet long-haired hamster and bosom companion, is harmed in any way, I will be holding the moderators of this website PERSONALLY responsible for titillating wandering arch-perverts into a... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 8:07 AM on March 22, 2008

I really found allkindsoftime's comment to be simple good-natured teasing in the spirit of international friendship. I fully support allkindsoftime in making her/his/its good natured, good humoured comment, and I vote that this callout is LAME. In the words of Derryn Hinch, it is LAME, AUSTRALIA: LAME.

The idea that allkindsoftime is "dismissing" some incredibly important "issue" is pure fantasy, as far as I'm concerned. The discussion seems to... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:48 PM on March 19, 2008

Hi everyone! How are y'all?
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 3:25 PM on March 18, 2008

I would like to request a shout out for the four graces of Canberra, listed below. Feel the power.

Tuggeranong Hyperdome - when a normal-sized dome isn't domey enough, tremble under the infinite space of the hyperdome, its caverns truly "measureless to man". Tuggertastic!

Woden Plaza - everything is at you, Woden Plaza - the only shopping mall in the Southern Hemisphere that's one-half Mediterranean open public space, one-half... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 4:37 AM on February 25, 2008

Where are my mall-themed shout outs, Canberra?
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 10:57 AM on March 18, 2008

Try this Cool MeFi Hack!

You will need:

- a pencil.
- some paper.
- some string.
- some sticky tape.

METHOD

1. Tie the string around the end of the pencil. If you have no experience of knots, ask an adult to help you.
2. With some sticky tape, fasten the end of the string to the side of your monitor. Be carefully that you don't accidentally stick... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 5:26 AM on March 17, 2008

Help, my own face to my asshole is carefully stuck, againly!
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 7:58 AM on March 17, 2008

Let's just face facts: mathowie hates Australians and considers them a kind of inferior subhuman species, worthy only of contempt and derision. You know, like Kiwis.

That's why this post was deleted, and why there is a conspiracy of silence on MeFi about the fact that Kangaroo-based travel is the only sensible solution to cutting transport-related carbon emissions in developed economies. I haven't seen a single post on that topic - have you? - and the only possible... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 3:53 AM on March 13, 2008

Well well well, if it isn't Abiezer - who, when once a jolly swagman, camped by my billabong, under the shade of my coolabah tree! I remember how we sang as we watched and waited 'til your billy boiled, Abeizer. And then you put on that dress and said "call me Matilda" and we waltzed, waltzed, waltzed through the night and then I stuffed you in the tuckerbag, so to speak.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 4:27 AM on March 13, 2008

And when you offered to "come the raw prawn", Abiezer, I should never have "got a big dog up you". Now my every galah is flaming and - s'truth! - my dinky has died.

Yet these are the risks one faces when one's land is girt by - of all things - sea.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 5:54 AM on March 13, 2008

Well I think it's disgusting Mr Howie is promoting gambling and I think it's horrifying that he is promoting the idea that any book other than the Bible is "best". I also have a few other feelings that I'm saving for anything else he does that I don't agree with - feelings such as "repulsion," "nauseousness" and "astonishment". So don't feel sorry for me - I've got plenty of emotions in reserve. No, you should feel sorry for yourselves, given that you... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 8:53 AM on March 5, 2008

I got on the wrong plane once. I was seated next to my wife, but it wasn't my wife - it was the wrong wife - somebody else's wife. And I wasn't wearing my clothes. When I got off, I picked up someone else's luggage and I booked into their hotel.

When my trip was over, I returned to their home town. Another man's children greeted me, another man's dog jumped up on my chest and slobbered idiotically.

I took the stragers job. I drank with his... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 11:17 AM on February 21, 2008

Hanging Out Your S.O.

1. Wash your S.O. in warm, soapy water and pat dry with a paper towel.
2. Clip your S.O. to a wire coat hanger with two equally-spaced wooden clothespegs.
3. Hang your S.O. outside to dry thoroughly in the warm sunshine while a playful zephyr lightly tickles your S.O. Leave for 1 hour.
4. When you check back, your S.O. is GONE!
5. Where did S.O. go? So lonely without S.O. Now cry hot salty... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 3:14 AM on February 14, 2008

What people fails to realise is that while the contact categories remain rigid and fixed (like Cortex's ugly fascism) their meanings are flexible (like Cortex's loose morals). For example, I categorise my contacts according to the following idiosyncratic understandings:

friend = this contact has only one friend.
met = this robotic contact is made of METal.
coworker = this contact orks cows, whatever that means.
colleague = this... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 7:09 AM on February 12, 2008

Attention, all users within an n-mile radius!

I am Vorthax, Herald of Juwawa the Cosmic Discombobulator.

His Supreme Depravity summons you all to assemble in the one location so that He may more easily feast upon your puny brain-pulp and suck the very marrow from your shattered bones. He will supply all necessary shattering and sucking equipment for this purpose.

Please clear your diaries from next Friday on and submit... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:27 AM on January 29, 2008

I think the obvious point with obit threads is that - basically - none of you witless jackanapes are actually qualified to comment in them at all. I mean, how many of YOU know what it feels like to be dead?

Luckily I have a way around this barrier of ignorance: whenever someone dies, I hook up the ol' ouija board and contact my spirit guide, Raoul, for his netherworldy input.

"Woo-aah! Woe, from beyond the grave!" (he typically begins).... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 1:02 PM on January 23, 2008

Premise: all superheroes (of any actual quality, so you can stick the Fantastic Four up your ass) have a secret identity. Lemma: if you have a secret identity, you are a superhero - like me. Conclusion: you "non-anons" are just cannon fodder for Professor Pan D. Monium's neutronic disintegration ray. Corollary: eat that shit, losers.

I should point out that these amazing powers of super-dialectic were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic set square... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 10:03 AM on January 15, 2008

Cake - ? Like, "yellow CAKE"?

London, England - ? You mean the capital of a nuclear-capable state and meeting place for spies and terrorists from oppressive regimes around the world?

Flying - ? A la the doomed flights of 9/11?

Randomination - ? As in "iRAN seeks nuclear DOMINATION"?

Just askin'.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 10:32 AM on January 11, 2008

You have a cantankerous streak

I think languagehat has a sexy streak, and when he types those sexy ol' comments I get goosebumps all up my wing-wang, and then my ling-long starts to bing-bong and my fling-flang shoots out liquid ying-yong.

I just wanted to say that so that linguists of the future will know where the term "ying-yong" began. It began with ME, linguists of the future - so don't listen to future Steven... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:32 PM on January 10, 2008

I think threaded comments are a wonderful idea,
>  Oh yeah? Well who asked you anyway, asshole?
>  Hey don't call me an asshole, you fucking
  >>  Look at you two swearing
    >>>  Get over it, prude.
    >>>  Yeah, go stick your head in a blender.
  >>  again. Typical!... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 11:54 AM on January 5, 2008

Thank you for your metatalk post! Your metatalk post is important to us! All of our vituperitive assholes are currently busy but your metatalk post has been placed in a queue and will be dealt with by the first available snide, arrogant harpy! *TALL AND TAN AND YOUNG AND LOVELY THE GIRL FROM IPANEMA GOES WALKING AND WHEN SHE PASSES EACH ONE THAT SHE PASSES GOES AH! WHEN SHE WALKS SHE'S LIKE A SAMBA THAT SWINGS SO COOL AND SWAYS SO GENTLE THAT WHEN SHE PASSES EACH ONE-* Thank you for your... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 7:53 AM on December 11, 2007

Whatever the merits of this thread or lack thereof, it occurs to me to note that I have quite a lot of sympathy for (what I read as) Meatbomb's compassion for our fellow workbots and his or her inherent dislike of this particular ugly and rigid nook of the work-a-day world. As such, I should gladly buy Meatbomb a beer. This is not a criticism of the AskMe-er in question, natch.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 9:15 AM on December 11, 2007

You haters are horrible, heartless and hairy harridans, habitually hounding helpless heroes into hurtful hells. I hope you hobgoblins feel happy. NO - actually I hope you all get HYPERTHYROIDISM.

All Wendell is saying here is: "can't we just get along?" And the BEST way to get along is to be honest, and the best way to be honest is to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.

That's why sarcasm is so damaging to a text-based community such as this. Think... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 4:47 AM on December 10, 2007

Quick add-on to this: how come we can't have "least favourites" - ? I make quite a few lame jokes and unhelpful comments around here, and I have many emails, letters and faxes from other users asking me to please, please, please for the love of God, just shut the fuck up already, or else.

If those geysers of bilious liquid hate could be diverted from my ramparts via some clickable aqueduct, then it would certainly cut down my workload in having to send polite... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:18 AM on December 10, 2007

Dear Matt,

You've probably already seen my FPP about Bu$h's plans to harness some Mexican people to his chariot to pull him through the streets of Washington in celebration of his latest pseudo-triumph (it's not too late to sign my email petition against this - I notice I didn't see your signature, but maybe you forgot) but anyway I've JUST heard that Cheney is planning to molecularly combine his own DNA with Condi's in a secret teleportation chamber in order to morph... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:25 AM on November 28, 2007

Capitalist swine! Your counter-revolutionary proposal is a foul rejection of the principle on which MeFi was founded: "from each according to his ability, to each according to her needs".

No, we'll have no "mall" here, thank you – virtual or otherwise! Instead, the moderators of the MeFi Politburo should determine a 12-day plan for the People's Joyful Socialist Festivities of Harvest End, wherein they distribute the necessary geese-a-laying and... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 8:44 AM on November 26, 2007

Shit - Matt said "yes". Looks like I'm dreaming of a Siberian Christmas.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 8:46 AM on November 26, 2007

Yeah, they say "blue and green should never be seen". I've told the admins to colour co-ordinate better, but Matt's all "WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH ITS MY BLOGGY-WOG".
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 10:17 AM on November 22, 2007

Going to San Francisco for a meetup? Pfft! - that is soooo last weekend, you losers.

Nowadays all the cool kids are hugging their DaShiv photos and rocking gently back and forward in their bedrooms and whimpering "so lonley ... so cold ... so lonely ... so cold".
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 7:44 AM on November 19, 2007

Great photos - it was a treat to see you in action, DaShiv. Except of course that by your thread description, I wasn't actually there - I obviously dreamed the whole thing, including the custard-wrestling threesome I had with trip and a half and a lemur. This will teach me not to inscribe my name upon the sheet marked: names.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 7:41 AM on November 14, 2007

Oh yeah. Good point.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 8:27 AM on November 14, 2007

Apologies for the late comment, but I've just got home (to London). It was such a pleasure to meet you all - what a congress of charming, friendly, intelligent and erudite folks! I had an absolute blast - and apologies to anyone I smoked out or didn’t get to buy a drink for. You are a fabulous and talented bunch of people, and glad you all got home OK (especially Bone, whom we kidnapped!)
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 6:25 AM on November 14, 2007

I'd like "more activity" too - I've been wanting to join a choir, maybe brush up on my Hindi, and learn how to play pétanque. But who has the time - !

That's why I'd like the moderators to do these activities for me, and prepare weekly reports on their results so that I can spend more time in the pub passing off their exploits as my own.

Remember: I paid $5 to join this site, mathowie - FIVE FUCKING BIG ONES. And I think I deserve... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:35 AM on October 26, 2007

Related question: whenever I'm logged in, I find that I can post comments on contentious topics, and people respond by calling me a turd-twirling toad-toucher.

Yet when I'm logged out, I twirl turds and touch toads with relative impunity, and no-one gives me "face".

My question here is: why the double standard, you jizz-juggling faeces-fondlers? Maybe someone could search on the answer to THAT for me.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 2:16 AM on October 26, 2007

Ah, Veterans Day!

The once-a-year celebration in which every American ties a Veteran to a tree and beats him or her like a piñata until he or she bursts open lovingly, whereupon sweet, sweet pension checks scatter on the ground to be chased and gathered by neighborhood children, laughing and squealing with unbridled delight!

And how I've longed to see this ritual of American tomfoolery and high-jinx with my own eyes, in that land of frolicsome... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 3:00 AM on October 4, 2007

Trip and a half, I love you. Marry me and keep me in your window box - I desire only your fume-wafting company and a light sprinkling of water every other day.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 12:20 PM on October 4, 2007

But me no buts, trip and a half. The wedding ceremony is booked: please arrive at the meet-up in the marriage garb appropriate to your gender. I expect Reverend whir, dressed as Elvis, to officiate.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 1:48 AM on October 5, 2007

I vote for going to Amber with trip and a half, to whom I have plighted my troth. My wedding gift list will be posted here soon.

And if any of you people turn up wearing white, there will be the mother of all bitch-fights, let me tell you.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 10:31 AM on October 6, 2007

Cool.
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 5:51 AM on October 7, 2007

Lookin' good, London!
posted to MetaTalk by the quidnunc kid at 10:01 AM on September 21, 2007