Some people just aren't into phone calls. Speaking as one of them, I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate using the phone for anything other than organising stuff - "ok, see you at seven; meet next to the town hall". If a call lasts longer than a minute, it's already 30 seconds too long. On the other hand, I'll engage in endless email (etc) conversations. Different strokes. Maybe you could see if there's some other way he'd prefer to communicate?
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:34 PM on July 3, 2008

What the others said about not doing it again. Also, a soft kind of letdown is "I'm sorry, I have a lot of friendly affection for you, but the alcohol blurred the lines & caused that to be expressed in a sexual way, which it shouldn't have."

Which sounds like a perfect explanation of what actually happened. Paraphrase as appropriate. It's not the first time & certainly won't be the last that good friends cross the line when drunk.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:56 PM on July 2, 2008

nthing yes, for reasons that everybody seems to have already stated, from a quick skim of the responses.

In case nobody's made this point yet, though, some of us are simply a lot more passive than the stereotypical aggressive pursuers. In every relationship I've been in, for example, the woman has taken the first initiative, or else it was an instantaneous mutual 'clicking'.

That doesn't mean I haven't pursued women occasionally, but I feel that... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:51 PM on June 29, 2008

I think that's an important clarification by whoaali. Not the bad movie version of pursuing, but rather being adequately responsive, and also proactively organising things & keeping communication open, at least to the same extent as the other party to the relationship is doing those things.

There's another ambiguity that's muddying the waters of this question, too: the difference between deciding whether or not to 'pursue' (in the sense of investigate, progress, take... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 9:35 PM on June 29, 2008

By his own logic, anildash's comment is redundant.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 11:33 PM on June 30, 2008

When travelling in India, my rule-of-thumb for costs was always US$100 per fortnight*.

And that's travelling, as a tourist, all restaurant / street food meals, transport, hotel rooms paid by the night, souvenirs & treats etc.

Depending on what comfort level you want, where you choose to shack up, and the extent to which you'd be prepared to cook for yourself & negotiate cheap rates for long-term accommodation, I... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 11:45 PM on June 25, 2008

I am that guy you are actually talking about......and in this case I really feel you are asking the question to me personally because i am in the exact same situation and the facts you covered above seem to be more than a coincidence.....however because I dont know your identity...I'll try my best to answer.

SummerLove - since you appear to be very new here, you mightn't realise you can look up The1andonly's questions & comments on this site.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:37 PM on June 25, 2008

(Here's one way to find out whether this move is about you or about the commute: Suggest finding a place to live together in the area he works in, and see how he feels about it.)

Seconding this. Moving in is like test driving a marriage-type lifestyle. After more than a year together, it's probably time to see if you can move to that middle ground, if it's mutually convenient & an opportunity arises to share a place. In my experience or... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 12:20 AM on June 24, 2008

true.

if your priorities lie within your self: delete the email, stare through the person. how dare they intrude upon your precious space!

if your priorities lie in a greater social good: smile, say hi back, be polite, move on.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 5:12 AM on June 1, 2008

I think there is social value in setting boundaries and enforcing them - there's a definite negative value in teaching people who can't take a hint that all it takes to get attention is persistence.

I agree 100% but in this case the OP has not set any boundary. Never once did she ask her correspondent not to contact her; all she did was fail to reply to a few very intermittent emails.

After enough non-replies, the person at... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 6:14 PM on June 2, 2008

If someone wrote me back a "thanks but no thanks" email, I would be much more distraught than if they simply didn't write me back. But that's because I do know (I like to think) when to take a hint, and I would be insulted that the other person didn't think I could.

That makes perfect sense, too. We're probably just on opposite sides of the fence on the asking v hinting/guessing divide: see this awesome explanation of Ask Cultures v Guess... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 4:11 PM on June 3, 2008

that's the entire point.

the OP *should* be asking something, ie "hey, thanks, but i'm in a different space, please don't bother trying to contact me any more etc etc"

as opposed to the childish, passive-aggressive "i'll just delete these until she guesses what i'm about"

there's no indication (unless i forgot the facts) that the person emailing her is a dangerous psycho, or that they ended on nasty... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 1:18 PM on June 20, 2008

where to stay (and how to arrange) my first couple of nights in Delhi? My basic plan is to hang around the airport until first light, then ride the Army Vet bus to Connaught place and then try to find something in Pahargang

yes, the ex-servicemens' bus is the way to go, if it's running (last time i tried to take it to Indira Gandhi International Airport *ROFL* it was "broken down" - probably because there were only three passengers). it... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:58 PM on June 18, 2008 marked best answer

Hm, India's such a huge place with so many highlights that it would be helpful if you could narrow down your interests a bit - eg historical, natural, cultural etc.

Places I particularly liked (four trips, more than a year spent in India, in total):

- Leh: Tibetan culture, stunning mountain scenery, 2-day bus ride across barren mountains.

- Kodaikanal: my favourite hill station. Forests, caves, waterfalls.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:00 PM on June 15, 2008

ps - August. That's the tail end of the monsoon in the north. It's quite hot & humid, not very comfortable at all. I'd recommend getting up into the mountains. They're nice & lush from all the rain (be prepared for travel delays from landslides, though!). It's also the best time for Leh & Ladakh, generally. The roads are only open (not snowed under) from around June to September.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:09 PM on June 15, 2008

Keep in mind that travel in India is pretty difficult, even by plane, so you don't want to pack too much in for you time there.

That bears repeating. Assume that any leg from town to town - no matter how short it looks - will probably eat up an entire day. Even if a trip is only four hours or so (about the shortest you'll ever spend to get from one point of interest to another) it'll usually be rough enough that you'll spend the rest of that day just... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 10:17 PM on June 15, 2008

oh, yeh: and throw in the Taj at the end. It's only about 4hrs south of Delhi by train. You'll want to spend a couple of nights in Agra, shithole that it is.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 10:19 PM on June 15, 2008

Bijapur is one of those less-visited places that are rewarding - the Golbumbaz, the Ibrahim Rosa. - Lucknow, too. Also Surat & Baroda, strangely enough. And Vijayawada. Belgaum - I swear I've been through there, probably en route from Hampi / Hospet to Goa.

um, to add something of value to the thread: these place names remind me of flicking through timetables in the indispensable Trains at a Glance all-India railway guide. Buy one... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 6:22 AM on June 17, 2008

heavily seconding Amritsar - ie the Golden Temple.

Considering the time of year, climate etc, here's a suggestion: Delhi (Nizamuddin's Tomb as an unmissable) - Amritsar (Golden Temple & maybe Wagah Border) - flight to Leh (cost me $35 from Jammu; acclimatisation to altitude an isssue [Leh = 3,500m; spent time in Dalhousie & Chamba to get half-way to the altitude]) - bus back to Manali (spectacular - 1.5 days through uninhabited Himalyan mountainscapes) - from... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 5:06 PM on June 18, 2008

Rash - answering in the other thread.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:03 PM on June 18, 2008

seconding Blackadder, Black Books, Yes Minister & The IT Crowd.

How about Fawlty Towers?

Or The Mighty Boosh?
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:19 PM on June 16, 2008

You don't need to watch Yes Minister before Yes Prime Minister - same characters, same tensions etc. I guess the writers just let Jim Hacker become PM so that he could bumble on a world stage for a change.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:38 PM on June 16, 2008

Someone once told me they already had enough friends, and didn't need any more; it came across such a hilariously poor excuse that I still use it as an anecdote to make people laugh. Don't say that.

on the other hand, it can be factually true, but should be differently phrased to sound less offensive.

not everybody thinks "the more, the merrier" when it comes to friends. especially if they're already busy enough... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:12 PM on June 16, 2008

how about "oh, sorry - for some reason in my mind i thought you were [insert whatever race they're not]. i've got a specific thing for [race] girls/guys"
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 4:37 PM on June 13, 2008

what? hell no, don't say that. sheez.

hm, seems almost nobody liked that idea much. the concept was along the lines that the easiest way to convince people to do stuff is to somehow get them to think it was their idea. so, coming across as a shallow & potentially racist person should have your erstwhile suitor thinking "phew! thank god i narrowly missed that idiot!"
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 3:02 PM on June 14, 2008

following the bird, here's an askme that's vaguely related.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 5:10 PM on June 14, 2008

In theory, there's a limit to how much a company can "rip you off" because they're usually in competition with other companies, and the consumers will go with whoever offers the best value for money, service, product, environmental or social responsibility etc.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 4:49 PM on June 13, 2008

It is, in fact, unconstitutional.

In the US, arguably. divabat's in Australia, and a Malaysian citizen, from memory.

But yeh, the history of corporate 'personhood' (dating back to the formation of the East India Company after the Indian mutiny of 1847, if I'm not mistaken) initially included the concept that their legal personhood can be revoked if the company misbehaves.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 5:24 PM on June 13, 2008

If you flick through a men's magazine (not meaning that as a euphemism for porn, by the way) you'll see that the ads are mostly for watches, cars, colognes & gadgets.

Since you said a watch is out, and a car is probably a bit over the top, I'm gonna suggest a cologne. If you try to pick a gadget you'll possibly run up against his personal opinion that the technology or brand or something was wrong, plus it'll probably become obsolete quickly.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 4:43 AM on June 10, 2008

ps - plenty of fashion ads, too, but guys generally don't want to be dressed by their partners, i think. that one's a bit risky (you'd know best with your particular man).
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 4:49 AM on June 10, 2008

On afterthought, and thirding jbickers & Kid Charlemagne - something rare & personalised, related to a passion of his (eg sports team, favourite musician or writer) would be ideal.

The deal with your jewellery is that it isn't something that will end up in a garage sale for $5 in a few years time when it's out of fashion / outdated technology. It's there forever. See if you can come up with something similar. Personally (guy here) a hardcover first edition of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 5:37 AM on June 10, 2008

since i see that the grateful dead mp3 player was marked as a best answer, i might as well post what i was thinking of when i first read it...assuming an iPod, maybe see if you can get the metal back etched or engraved with some grateful dead artwork...? that'd make it pretty special.

dunno what the cost would be, but if you check myaskme question history, there's one about printing or etching digital images onto metal that might be handy.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 4:27 PM on June 10, 2008

For whatever it's worth, I once wrote a rant to a major city paper, complaining of bias in reporting. I only wanted to give the editors a piece of my mind, but to my surprise they edited it down (without losing much of the substance of my complaints) and published it.

I wouldn't recommend it as a strategy, though. People generally respond much better to calm & measured politeness & even a bit of flattery, eg "As a long-term reader of your paper, I normally... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 9:03 PM on June 9, 2008

Morocco's a beautiful place but it's somewhat spoiled by a subset of the people - mainly skeezy guys who make a living preying on gullible or vulnerable tourists. Exercise a bit of caution & you should be fine (god, I sound like a Lonely Planet) - eg be aware that drug deals may end up with an expensive bust by fake or corrupt police; carpet & souvenir salesmen can be very aggressive & bully you into buying things you don't really want for too much money; there are a fair few... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:27 PM on June 9, 2008

they only get a passing nod in 24hr Party People, but any talk of the Manchester music scene without The Fall is missing the point. here's one book (disclaimer: haven't read it...yet)
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 12:43 PM on June 8, 2008

nthing Facebook & LiveJournal - update everybody at once; respond / comment / message people in your own free time. Facebook 'events' are useful for seeing what movies, concerts etc people are attending, so you can organise your schedule to tag along - in situations where ppl would normally only specifically phone to invite their closest few friends becoz it's too much hassle to invite everybody.

LiveJournal gets a bad rap among MeFi... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:10 PM on June 5, 2008

Seconding the full body massage. And walking meditation (especially compassion meditation / visualisations, but also the more zen-style awareness meditation). Or a nice hot shower & fresh clothes after either a vigorous cardio workout, or a swim in pounding surf.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 7:05 PM on June 5, 2008

Oh, and yoga, definitely. Yoga itself bores me to tears, but it's worth it for the relaxation bit at the end which leaves me floating on a fluffy pink cloud for hours.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 7:07 PM on June 5, 2008

heh - A homeless American man accused of duping 13 women by posing as a millionaire on an internet dating service has been arraigned.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 6:45 PM on June 5, 2008

Being witty, charming & flirtatious is dead simple if you have little or no interest in the other person. That's just one of the ironies of life.

The best I can suggest is that you cross your fingers & hope that the object of your affections shares my view that people turning to stammering pools of jelly are actually quite cute & endearing.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 10:58 PM on June 4, 2008

I'm struggling to understand in what situations & ways you're being asked to define your identity (or in which you feel you're required to do so) and I can't come up with much other than filling in profile details for online dating, or something similar.

Imagining a bar conversation:

"So, what do you do for a living?"

"Oh, that kind of definition isn't important to me; what matters to me more is that... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:14 PM on June 4, 2008

If a lot of others' "self-definition" is online, I'd suggest you don't pay too much attention to it.

In an internet discussion, people might emphasise that they're asian or gay or a single parent or whatever, just to claim a privileged perspective on the matter or explain where they're coming from (because you have no visual cues to pick up on).

In profiles on myspace or other social nerdwanking sites, gender, orientation, relationship... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 10:21 PM on June 4, 2008

we'll go along swimmingly and then all of a sudden, he will fixate on some small thing, pick me apart for it, and then blow it up into a reason for why we shouldn't be together, why we don't work.

Sounds like a Taquito Moment - a seemingly innocuous detail that suddenly acts as a crystallisation point or symbol of a deeper, unvocalised or unconscious resistance to the other person or the relationship.

Also, what's with the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:30 PM on June 3, 2008

it's not central to the question, but on the topic of showing up at his place to have a Relationship Talk, i think most guys aren't all that keen on being put on the spot with those kinds of talks at the best of times, but showing up (unannounced?) to hit him with a whole load of "I just wanna know where this is going" etc is *exactly* the kind of thing that i think would really really piss off a typical sort of guy, especially relatively early in a relationship.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 11:22 PM on June 3, 2008

Yes, I refer to my biceps as guns.

Because you get them out when loaded?

But back to the topic...I see from your profile that you don't contribute on MetaTalk much. A lot of what goes on there is just joking & riffing, even in serious threads (if you wait until people have gotten through the unofficial quota of three or four serious answers before starting to throw the shit around). It won't necessarily translate directly... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 8:13 PM on June 3, 2008

IANAJA (jazz afficionado), although I do have a number of the classic artists / records mentioned in this thread (Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Keith Jarrett, Chet Baker, Charles Mingus, Sun Ra etc) and I've gotta say, I wish this thread could be re-done with some kind of hints as to what flavours of jazz to expect from the artists mentioned.

Personally, I still can't stand most stuff that's too chirpy & upbeat, or too whacked-out freeform or experimental. More... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 12:32 AM on June 3, 2008

You don't have to agonise much over what clothes, shoes or accessories to buy, because almost everything marketed towards you will be bland & generic - 5% variations on a standard theme - and mostly made of the same three or four kinds of materials.

You don't have to queue forever for a toilet at a theatre, bar or nightclub, because you don't need to wait for a free cubicle. You can use a urinal instead, and because architects devote equal floorspace to mens' and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 9:05 PM on May 29, 2008

As long as you're white, people automatically allocate you to a 'majority' (anglo-celtic) culture, even if - like me - you happen to actually belong to one of the tiniest ethnic minorities on earth. In this way, you get to pass through life effectively invisible.
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 6:33 AM on May 30, 2008

--You never feel pressure to "dumb yourself down" to attract someone of the opposite sex.

speak for yourself.

("oh, you're an aries; how fascinating! i always get on with aries..." [oh god, can i kill myself now? or can we at least hurry up with the sexy stuff so i don't have to listen to any more of this bollocks?")
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 7:11 AM on May 30, 2008

Probably not the kind of expert-level thing you're after, but on a slightly different tack, is there anything she might like at FreeWill Astrology?
posted to Ask Metafilter by UbuRoivas at 3:01 PM on May 29, 2008