I want to echo what ImproviseOrDie said above: Don't listen to anyone who encourages you to go on the offensive.

If your divorce is similar to mine, you'll hear all sorts of bloodthirsty things from your friends and family about "taking Partner for everything you can get" and "making sure Partner pays for hurting you like this." Reject them. It is absolutely possible to go through a divorce, as bitter and ugly a process as it is, without becoming a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 12:12 PM on October 4, 2008

If you feel there's nothing inherently festive about turkey and your kids won't miss it, why not create your own meatless Thanksgiving tradition? Tofurkey (which I agree is vile) is hardly the only option.

My non-vegetarian mother makes a vegetarian meal for my father and I every Thanksgiving that is out of this world and has become a decade-long Thanksgiving tradition for my family--it's blackened tofu fillets with a cashew butter bordelaise sauce. It goes perfectly... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 2:48 PM on September 24, 2008

Nursing Against the Odds by Susanne Gordon is required reading for anyone going into nursing as a career.

Good luck in school! If you're like me, it'll be a thousand times tougher than you expect and and exponentially more rewarding than you could dream.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 2:06 PM on September 22, 2008

Helen Vendler's The Art of Shakespeare's Sonnets is, I think, the definitive "close reading" critical work on the subject. She provides an incredibly thorough analysis of the craft of each poem, its key words and phrases, the poems' relationships to each other, and the overlying structure of the sonnets as a whole. To give you an idea of the level of detail she achieves, there are more than a few structural diagrams.

She pays little attention to Shakespeare's... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 7:44 PM on August 9, 2008 marked best answer

nth-ing Mark Strand.

Also:

Louise Glück.
Scott Cairns.
Gail Mazur.
Rafael Campo.
Frank Bidart.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 5:45 PM on July 23, 2008

Does he seem distressed when he makes the noise? Or is he smiling/appearing otherwise contented? If it's the former, of course, hie thee to a pediatrician. If it's the latter, it could just be that he's delighting in his ability to make all sorts of awesome noises. (Awesome to him, anyway!)

Remember when he was three or four months old and all he could do was grab his feet and goggle open-mouthed at how incredible they were? Feet! My God! I have feet! They're... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 11:29 AM on July 1, 2008

The Norton Anthology of Contemporary Fiction is an incredible collection of authors and some of their best, most representative works. Susan Minot's "Lust," Amy Hempl's "In the Cemetery Where Al Jolson Is Buried," Jamaica Kincaid's "Girl," Raymond Carver's "Cathedral," Gabriel García Márquez's "A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings," etc. I go back to to it again and again.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 9:57 AM on May 29, 2008

Of course people want to know what they might have ahead of hearing a diagnosis, in order to have some time to prepare themselves. Totally normal. But I think ikkyu2's point was that it's impossible for anyone reading this post to answer the question, and that speculation is a waste of time. Could it be inoperable, incurable brain cancer? Sure! Could it be multiple sclerosis? Sure! Could it be glaucoma? A ruptured eardrum? A chronic subdural hematoma? A Greek goddess ready to spring fully-formed... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 5:23 PM on April 6, 2008

Liars Bar by the Beautiful South is a horribly depressing song about drinking whiskey. I love it. Here's a link to someone's YouTube video set to the song. The video's an amateur creation by someone I don't know and is in no way affiliated with the band; it's just the only way I could find to link to audio of the song. It's got to be heard instead of just reading the lyrics to really appreciate it.

Uncle Tupelo's Whiskey Bottle (another YouTube video, this one of the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 7:49 PM on March 7, 2008

The best stargazing opportunity I've ever had was from a boat off the coast of one of the islands in the Galápagos archipelago. In addition to a riot of stars and an incredibly bright Milky Way, I was able to see the Magellanic Clouds with my naked eyes. It was extraordinarily beautiful, and even if the experience of touring the islands hadn't been hands down the best twelve days of my life, I'd go back again just to see the stars.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 4:43 PM on March 2, 2008

my lying reflects badly on him because he is accountable in part for the actions of those he associates with

Holy crap, that's insane. This guy's got a long, lonely, and disappointed life ahead of him if he doesn't let go of that idea.

You apologized sincerely, and you'll tell the truth in the future, which is really all that you can do. Give your friend some time, and maybe he'll get over it. I don't think there's anything... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 8:10 AM on February 20, 2008

I'm confused. You state that your husband has not been able to regulate his blood glucose levels through diet and exercise alone, yet every one of those pre-meal blood glucose levels you posted are textbook normal (the normal pre-meal range is from 70 mg/dL to 110 mg/dL).

I can't speak to his post-meal levels because I don't know how much time has passed post-meal before you take a sample. A post-meal test should be taken two hours after finishing eating, because there's... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 1:40 PM on February 3, 2008

Calexico's "Sunken Waltz":

take the story of carpenter Mike
dropped his tools and his keys and left
and headed out as far as he could
past the cities and gated neighborhoods
he slept 'neath the stars
wrote down what he dreamt
and he built a machine
for no one to see
then took flight, first light
of new morning
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 5:39 PM on February 2, 2008

It might have something to do with the tartness. Sour Patch Kids make me sweat, too; most stuff that's really sour or tart does. I have no idea why, though.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 7:33 PM on January 25, 2008

I don't think you did the wrong thing at all. Your niece needs protection; that is your role as her guardian. This may sound counterintuitive, but I think the way to protect her from her mother's illness is NOT to hide it from her and offer vague half-truths about why her mom acts the way she does. Your niece will find out the truth in its entirety sooner or later, and it'll only be harder for her if she thinks that no one at all was willing to be frank with her.

The... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 10:29 AM on January 25, 2008

No, there's no way to know now.

As far as your feeling when it was happening--there's nothing scientific about this, but many women report feelings of uncanny certainty that they've conceived or miscarried but have no quantifiable proof of either event. Their feelings not infrequently turn out to be correct.

I hope that helps you.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 6:15 PM on January 23, 2008

For spiritual brethren of Tom Waits, check out [FYI, these are all YouTube links] Gogol Bordello and Tindersticks. If you do the aural version of squinting, Crime and the City Solution might do it for you, too.

I'd also like to hijack this thread a tiny bit to recommend a book about Swordfishtrombones coming out any minute now, written by a good friend of mine, for the 33 1/3 series. I was lucky enough to read the manuscript before publication, and it's incredible. I... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 2:57 PM on January 6, 2008

I'm pretty sure all public health organizations in all states keep track of the prevalence and incidence of transmissible diseases. HIV, hepatitis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, TB, confirmed influenza... Every place you can get tested for these things is mandated to report the number of positive results to state public health officials.

At the beginning of the HIV epidemic, a lot of work was done by advocacy organizations to make anonymous testing available, because... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 10:43 AM on December 15, 2007

Do you find yourself bearing down in a Valsalva maneuver during the orgasm? The Valsalva maneuver stimulates the vagus nerve, which acts on the parasympathetic nervous system. Stimulating the vagus nerve decreases the heart rate and lowers blood pressure, both of which can cause nausea.

Alternatively, the vagus nerve responds to stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system (the fight or flight one); when your heart's beating fast and you feel that surge of adrenaline... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 7:31 PM on December 10, 2007

I'm a labor and delivery nurse at a big urban teaching hospital. I've never worked at a non-teaching/community hospital, so someone else will have to weigh in about that environment.

My first response to the question is confusion about the need to assign a hierarchy to all the members of the team; it's not nearly as simple as "the attending tells everyone else what to do and then they do it."

Every morning at rounds,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 3:05 PM on November 29, 2007 marked best answer

Wow, I'd hate to be a patient at a hospital like that, and I'd never be able to work in that kind of environment. And I'd hate to see what would happen to the docs at my place of employment if they examined, let alone ruptured, one of the midwives' patients without asking. Heads would roll.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 7:43 PM on November 29, 2007

hhc5, a midwife could still provide all woman's prenatal care until the day she went to the hospital for her planned surgery. After that, the docs would take over.

At my hospital, midwives aren't hired by the patient--they're credentialed and given privileges by the hospital, and they get paid by the hospital as staff members. They care for most of the low-risk women, freeing up the docs to take care of the really complicated cases.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 12:56 PM on November 30, 2007

You say you've had these for as long as you can remember--have you mentioned this to your primary care doctor, your psychiatrist, or your OB? What did they say?

If you haven't mentioned it.. well, MENTION IT.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 9:02 AM on November 17, 2007

Why noy? Have you ever met a prostitute? Ask them why not.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 6:47 PM on November 16, 2007

I'm sure it was a joke, but I have to say this anyway: please do not give yourself any insulin. Your properly-functioning pancreas will handle the sugar just fine.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 11:46 AM on November 13, 2007

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

A thank you card is never expected (if I get a hug from my patient before they're transferred to postpartum, I consider that wonderful thanks), so when I've received a card from a patient once they've gone home with their new baby, it's been both a pleasant surprise and a really moving experience. I save all the cards I've ever gotten and just thinking about them makes me smile.

Sending a note to your... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 10:17 AM on October 2, 2007

Y'know, at the table, surgeons are suprisingly powerless. No one operates in a vacuum, and even the most talented surgeon can be derailed by a crappy scrub nurse who passes the wrong instrument, a first assist who clips sutures too short, a circulating nurse who's too slow or too inexperienced to anticipate what's going to happen next, or an anesthesiologist who's struggling to keep the patient down far enough to prevent movement.

And once the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 3:25 PM on August 25, 2007

I ask myself this question all the time, mostly in the context of why I want to have a "romantic" relationship with some people and a "friends" / "friends with benefits" relationship with others. I have no idea, despite frequent heart- and soul-searching, what happens when my feelings change from non-romantic to romantic, nor why it happens in some circumstances and not in others.

For example: I have a "friends" relationship with J.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 12:38 PM on August 20, 2007

You're probably inserting the tampon past the cervical opening and into the posterior fornix of the vagina. Absolutely nothing to worry about.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 8:30 AM on August 15, 2007

... why are trepanations still done to relive intracranial pressure?

Because the naturally-occuring foramina in the skull are filled with tissue like nerves and blood vessels and can't be used to regulate intercranial pressure.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 4:42 PM on July 31, 2007 marked best answer

Is it reasonable to ask your mate to get rid of an opposite-sex friend you feel threatened by?

No.

Is it reasonable to ask them not to have any opposite sex friends?

Oh my sweet Jesus God, no.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 3:20 AM on July 29, 2007

I think, as terrible as this sounds, that you'll have something to regret from either decision. If you go, you'll have the experience of traveling through Europe for months, but you might regret taking the money from your parents for a number of reasons. If you don't go, you'll be able to say that you didn't take the money, but you might regret missing out traveling through Europe for months.

With that in mind, I say take the money and have an amazing trip. If you're... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 8:58 AM on July 10, 2007

I had a cat that was impossible to pill, so instead I took her prescription to a compounding pharmacy and had them make up a smooshy cat-food-flavored chewable "pill" that the cat loved. She begged for her meds every day after that, and everyone's life was considerably easier.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 6:34 PM on July 1, 2007

My father was 17 when the car in which he was riding skidded on a patch of black ice and crashed into a telephone pole. (Alcohol and/or drugs were not involved.) His spinal cord was severely damaged--nearly completely severed--and he became a paraplegic.

Before the accident, he was a senior in high school. He was captain of his baseball, basketball, and football teams. He was the class president. His girlfriend was the captain of the cheerleading squad.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 5:56 AM on June 29, 2007

Full disclosure: I am one of those meddlesome labor and delivery nurses.

It sounds like you will be miserable in the hospital, not because hospitals are inherently miserable places to give birth but because you believe that they are. You're very clear that you have no interest in the interventions that are standard at the hospital, and you already seem convinced that your relationship with the hospital staff will be antagonistic and fractious.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 7:41 PM on May 30, 2007 marked best answer

I don't really have any specific birthing method advice, but I do want to share a few insights I have about the delivery process from working as a labor & delivery nurse.

Firstly, if your pregnancy is low-risk, I really encourage you to have a midwife rather than a doctor. Midwives are fantastic, very skilled, and study after study has shown that midwife-attended low-risk births have outcomes that are just as good as low-risk births attended by doctors. If you want... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 3:43 PM on May 1, 2007 marked best answer

In the suburbs, you can get away with a little obliviousness about where you are in relation to other people; leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle sometimes doesn't inconvenience anyone. In a place that's crawling with other people, there will always be someone behind you who needs to get by. You need to be aware of your physical presence in the world and how it affects other people.

By this I mean: Don't stop dead in your tracks at the top of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 5:59 PM on April 29, 2007

MS ends a lot of marriages which is unfortunate but true. [...] Reassure your wife that you love her no matter what, in actions and words.

I just wanted to second this. My MS diagnosis was far, far easier than my divorce a year later, mostly because I thought my husband and I would be facing the disease together.

I was diagnosed with MS four and a half years ago, and I've yet to have another relapse. Lifestyle stuff is of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 6:15 PM on March 30, 2007

Being diagnosed with tuberculosis via a positive PPD test is not at all the same thing as having active, transmissible TB.

From familydoctor.org:

The most commonly used method to check for tuberculosis is the PPD skin test. If you have a positive PPD, it means you have been exposed to a person who has tuberculosis and you are now infected with the bacteria that causes the disease.

After you have a positive PPD skin test,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 7:58 PM on March 12, 2007 marked best answer

I'd like to suggest that along the continuum of spicing up one's sex life, there's a lot of space between "toys" and "adding another partner to the mix."

Your post reads like you've left a lot of intra-relationship sexual exploration, well, unexplored. Maybe it's something about your phrasing: "We even have introduced toys into the bedroom" reads a bit like you feel you've done the most outré thing possible with only one other person in the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 9:31 AM on March 3, 2007

I'd go so far as to say that if you find a vet willing to declaw your cat, do not let that vet anywhere near the creature. There is absolutely no medical reason to declaw cats, and any vet that performs the procedure is only doing it for the money. And any vet that tells you there's a medical reason for declawing is just a quack.

Either way, take your cat somewhere else.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 1:17 PM on February 23, 2007

You don't have a friend so progressive that they won't be dismayed if you change "until death" until "for as long as our love shall last."

I don't know that I'd make that assumption. My (now ex)husband and I wrote our own vows, and we ended them with "for as long as we both love each other." Both of us felt very strongly about not making false promises, and we both felt that saying "til death do us part" was a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 3:35 PM on February 18, 2007

nth-ing Lubriderm. I was always told it keeps the scabs from coming off too early and causing a scar or weird mark in the design. Keeping the tattoo moist while it heals is supposed to prevent cracking, and like nomisxid said, it's great to help with the itching.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 4:31 PM on February 13, 2007

I don't know anything about donating bone marrow, but I wanted to say that you're awesome for doing it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 2:45 PM on February 13, 2007

Yes, you are at risk of becoming pregnant.

If you choose to do something about it instead of hoping for the best, call your doctor/nurse practitioner and ask how to go about it. If you take emergency contraception, you will probably need to stop taking your BC pills until after you've gotten begun another period.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 6:42 PM on February 10, 2007

If you like dark and spare, I'll nth Mark Strand.

Also read Louise Glück:

Hesitate To Call

Lived to see you throwing
Me aside. That fought
Liked netted fish inside me. Saw you throbbing
In my syrups. Saw you sleep. And lived to see
That all that flushed down
The refuse. Done?
It lives in me.
You live in me. Malignant.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 9:44 PM on February 8, 2007

Allison Perkel's work is amazing.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 11:42 PM on January 30, 2007

I have no idea how this might be related to your hemorrhoid, but any dramatic change in bowel habits--and I'd say going from 1x/day to 2-3x/day is pretty dramatic--warrants a trip to the doctor.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 2:49 PM on January 30, 2007

In Spanish there's a verb (tutear) that means exactly what tutoyer means in French. That said, I've never heard anyone use it.

The decision of whether to use tú or usted is a source of great stress for me when I'm speaking Spanish. I've noticed that the native speakers I talk with at work frequently switch back and forth between the two in the course of a conversation with the same person, and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 4:08 PM on January 27, 2007

In addition to all the outstanding suggestions above, listen to Primus.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jesourie at 8:51 PM on January 21, 2007