Activity from Miko
Displaying comments 1 to 50 of 10449
“Where’s My Cut?”: On Unpaid Emotional Labor
Additional putting-pieces-together moment today. I was listening to a radio news story about health care costs, and they were interviewing a (male) doctor about how doctors often don't know the costs of the drugs they are prescribing, which causes them to be insensitive to cost, which, of course, causes all kinds of other problems and makes our insurance and medication rates in the US so high. The doctor they interviewed was pretty much "I don't know how much the drugs cost; it's… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 3:28 PM on July 24, 2015
Yeah, in short, I think it takes emotional labor to identify enough with the user to spot and correct potential friction points.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 3:42 PM on July 24, 2015
Yeah, and I think that part of the problem in nursing (as at least one nurse commented above) is that this is labor they're really doing and is really needed, but it's not fully acknowledged as work that's just as important as checking signs, managing documentation, delivering meds and supportive technologies, and all the other work they do. And so it's also not acknowledged as effort, a limited resource, something that needs appropriate boundaries and should not be… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 3:55 PM on July 24, 2015
In general, the big takeaway for me here is not that emotional labor is bad - much of it is the glue that holds the world together - but that it's real work, and for far too long a time, has just been belittled and dismissed as 'that stuff that females do.' In a non-patriarchy, we would recognize it as "valuable and essential contribution to human thriving that is shared, recognized, rewarded and protected against burnout."
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 5:31 PM on July 24, 2015
For a lot of people, the answer to that is becoming cohousing. Single women baby boomers are doing a lot to develop options in this department so I expect there will be more standard choices like this when I get to that age. The women in these clips wrote this book about it. Basically, it's Crone Island at the household level.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:19 PM on July 24, 2015
the point is not to be scared
I mean, I agree in theory, but aging is fairly scary. The thing is that there's going to be a time for all of us when we need help.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:24 PM on July 24, 2015
That's true. At the same time I think everyone kind of does need a plan for safe, supported aging with contingencies for reduced mobility, financial challenges, etc. A shitty relationship shouldn't be your plan, but yeah, if you're single and staying that way, either bank a ton of money and have a trusted person who can be your advocate, or maybe begin defining some solutions like the cohousing ones.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:27 PM on July 24, 2015
I don't know what the answer is but mom moved herself into a retirement village
Yeah, and I worry about people not having the money for that. Specifically, me not having the money for that.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:29 PM on July 24, 2015
There's no compensation mechanism for burn out.
I disagree. What compensation against burnout looks like is this: generous vacation, family, and medical leave policies that are actually followed; ie, employees must take them and employers do not impose any sense of guilt or create unrealistic obstacles to taking them. Regular retreats that allow for reflection, refocus, and solution-finding. Work rotations that regularly allow people respite from the… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:21 AM on July 25, 2015
They're also usually unpaid "vacations." Even though today payrolls are often adjusted to send checks for 12 months, it's really that 10 months' pay is spread over an unpaid summer period.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 11:00 AM on July 25, 2015
I completely agree, having seen it firsthand. But there are lots of jobs with tons of emotional labor that don't get this kind of break.
True but rather than be in a "who has it worst" competition, we can work on uniting to advocate that burnout is real and that all draining jobs need to develop such solutions. Our society's general hostility to teachers for their time away from work is an sign of the opposition to taking seriously the… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 12:43 PM on July 25, 2015
I would 3-over-4 in a heartbeat. I don't think it would adapt to my field, though. Well, it would require a whole lot of culture change, which I guess is true for all of it - but I think that works best in certification-based fields.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 2:08 PM on July 25, 2015
derailed into a discussion of vacation time
Did you miss the part where we're discussing it in the context of instituting employment structures that would mitigate burnout from jobs that presently demand uncompensated emotional labor? This is related.
Plus, it constitutes about 10 comments of a 1300-comment thread. I'm sure another tangent will be along soon, but in the meantime, this is all part of the bigger picture of what happens under patriarchy.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 2:13 PM on July 25, 2015
That fridge story is a perfect encapsulation. Wow. Heh.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 10:01 AM on July 26, 2015
Another puzzle piece: was thinking about religious life. Convents, monasteries. We think of these things as big sacrifices, but in fact, they are places designed to dial the emotional labor burden way, way down. You are removed from regular family and social life. You don't have to stress about the cleanliness and conditon and chores around the places, because all of these things are taken care of in a fair and equitable rotation of tasks - when it's your turn to do the dishes, you do the dishes,… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 9:19 PM on July 26, 2015
You are 100% correct. I have a colleague whose desk was next to the printer in our old office and, despite being equal pay grade to me and at the same position - which is to say, not at all involved with IT or equipment support- ,spent a good chunk of her day daily responding to requests for help with the printer. It was insane. Good call.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 6:10 AM on July 29, 2015
the fact that they had 13 children suggests that they couldn't have fought all the time.
Without coming from any insight into your grandmother personally, it might also mean she (or women of her time) didn't have much of a say in how often sex happened - this was true for many women who had big families. There was so much rhetoric, both religious and secular/psychological, before the second wave of feminism about how sex was a man's right and his… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:39 AM on July 30, 2015
It's an obvious piece of evidence, but it speaks worlds that as soon as women had the technology to control the birth rate, they immediately did.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 8:07 AM on July 30, 2015
Also, we fall in love with individuals, not genders, and we try to make things work with them. Since there isn't an enormous dating pool of pre-certified, feminist men, it's often true that the genuine affection you feel for someone, combined with the fact that their behavior is the social norm, overrides the exhausting parts of continuous education and of the resigned sorrow of just giving up on a lot of the battles. Companionship is important and vital for those who want… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 9:22 AM on July 30, 2015
Not to start a big fight but often asking why an [oppressed group] "puts up with" oppression is a privileged expression. It seems like hey, just don't play! You don't have to! But in fact, we do have to play. If we really and truly believe that these issues are systemic and not personal, the reasons for "putting up" are that there are significant costs to purist opposition to the oppression: economic costs, safety costs, costs to self-perception and mental well-being. It's a… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 11:40 AM on July 30, 2015
I get that it's a legitimate question and point of confusion, and a bunch of us stepped in to educate where there was a gap in knowledge. Ironic in this thread, yes, but I don't mean to attack by pointing out it's a blind spot or an understanding caused by privilege - that is just a fact.
To me, it's important that it's understood that this "putting up with" isn't just about having a male partner, as if that's a holy grail - that we put up… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 12:44 PM on July 30, 2015
That makes complete sense to me. It is a pretty different topic.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 1:04 PM on July 30, 2015
Spot the Drowning Child
Whooo, this took me right back to summer-camp lifeguarding days (8 years total). It is stressful.
I would make the worst lifeguard: "EVERYONE OUT OF THE POOL, YOU'RE ALL DROWNING"
I got really hypervigilant
After enough hours accumulated doing this, I don't think it ever really leaves you. To this day, I can't go to a beach or pool without scanning nearly constantly… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 6:23 AM on August 1, 2015
Verifying ob1quixote 's digging:
Computer programmer Francisco Saldaña created the simple educational game spotthedrowningchild.com to help people recognize the deadly situation. A person who is drowning is physiologically incapable of calling out or waving for help – meaning often there is little noise or splash.
In his marine safety guide Mario Vittone, a Coast Guard veteran, describes some things to look for… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 6:34 AM on August 1, 2015
Build a Boat Out of a (Single) 2x4
This was interesting in that the maker was well up to the technicals and materials challenge and seems to have absorbed certain fundamentals of boat construction, yet at the same time designed such an unseaworthy craft and was himself not comfortable using it. He's a good woodworker but I think an experienced boatbuilder would have gone about this challenge in a different way (and predicted and probably avoided the design failures that demanded an outrigger and thus broke the initial constraint… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 9:55 PM on July 31, 2015
Planning for the next Vesuvius eruption
I spent some time in the area a few years ago, doing an archaeology program (discussed a bit on MeFi here). It was absolutely fascinating. I say often that Pompei (the modern city), Naples, and the surround remind me of nothing so much as New Orleans. Same chaos, same devotion to incredibly good food and local culture, same shrugging fatalism. Our group received a "safety talk" while there about potential eruptions, which amounted to 'place your head between your knees and kiss your… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:21 AM on July 30, 2015
Though there have long been settlements all over the sides of the volcano - for centuries. They essentially just became denser and linked together.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:48 AM on July 30, 2015
the most threatened parts of the bits
That's the entire region. Bay and islands included. That's what I was trying to say above. Destruction will not be localized and is somewhat unpredictable.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 8:36 AM on July 30, 2015
What would happen if Mount Vesuvius erupted today?
Beginning in 2004, the government also set up a program to pay people $46,000 (30,000E) to relocate outside of the zone -- though it has had relatively few takers.
Experts warn that emergency plans should also include nearby Naples since an explosion could send dangerous burning ash and pumice as far as 12 miles (20 kilometers) [source: Fraser].... scientists… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 12:56 PM on July 30, 2015
"She was a wife of Kalaiopuu, the chief when Lono [Captain Cook] came"
On the death of Sandra Bland
I am not black and I've lost trust in the police system too, largely because of witnessing these events via video and listening to the experiences of black people who have let me know, loud and clear, that the only thing new and different about these incidents is their capture on video and their dissemination in social media. Our system has perfected its tactics over a century of Jim Crow policing, and before that under state-supported bondage. This behavior isn't new, it's just much harder for… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 6:18 AM on July 29, 2015
But I still disagree that the fact that police misconduct is so normalized means that it's no longer unreasonable to accept unreasonable things without evidence.
I did not say that it was.
But I think harping on this issue is another way of undermining people asking for further transparency. If you believe that the transparency is good and necessary, just join them in demanding it. You don't have to attack their perceptions… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 1:24 PM on July 29, 2015
Do Not Mess With Eugene Mirman
That makes people who live there basically the butt of his attempted joke. In other words, he may or may not have expected our reaction; he just didn't care, because his eyes were on a more self-serving target. The ostensible "audience" isn't even the audience.
Fuck that attitude.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:18 AM on July 27, 2015
NO, CAT. MISTAKE. RETREAT RETREAT RETREAT
Why do those cats want in the bath tub
Some of my past cats have figured out it is a cool place to lie in the summer.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 6:59 PM on July 24, 2015
I'm having a hard time understanding what is so damned fragile or sensitive in these run-of-the-mill apartments that it's so critical to give the cats a death scare. I mean, the Christmas tree, yeah, I know what some cats do to that, so mayyybe. But the spider plant? Just move the damn spider plant. It's not like the spider plant is some rare precious species. The running water? Your cats are running water cats. Get them a fountain. Plus, if you're running water, you're… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:05 PM on July 24, 2015
Oh, please, that is not a "death scare".
I think it's pretty rough. Cats are constantly vigilant and take stock of how quiet/dangerous situations are before getting into them, so surprises are pretty shocking to them (hence the pronounced self-saving reactions). The "hsss" sound is an aggressive sound to cats, associated with the vocalizations of another cat who is about to attack. This isn't a mild tactic.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:33 PM on July 24, 2015
It may be because I have a skittish cat with a heart murmur, who is definitely capable of retreating to living inside our couch at much smaller provocations, but I just don't dig it. I'm really not into using startling and fear as a training tactic. YMMV.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:38 PM on July 24, 2015
The Amazon reviews are pretty fun. And mixed. If you don't move the thing every day, cats, of course, get used to it and work around it.
that's the SSSCAT for you. It has deterred the cat approximately zero times for every dozen times it sprays a human. We don't go near the counters anymore. Conversely, our cat has doubled his countergoing efforts; possibly to mock our attempts to curtail the incursions, for he knows good and well that the SSSCAT is on his… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 7:48 PM on July 24, 2015
I might be a bit of a softie, but I just don't think introducing stress is a great idea. Some cats might not give a shit, but I guess I've always had PTSD post-strays and just didn't want to make their rehomed lives even more unpleasantly unpredictable than regular life has to offer. They know the rules. They test them. Whatever, they're cats. The clicker, removal, distraction, and simple crazy-reducing things like keeping their litter clean can all help keep pushiness down. At a certain point,… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 8:04 PM on July 24, 2015
Some experts in feline behavior believe that cats actually developed this habit by imitating snakes.
But....many cats have never seen a snake. I don't understand how this is supposed to be a heritable or behavioral trait if it's mimicry. If you've never seen and have no concept of 'snake,' making a sound like one would not be scary. However, if you're really aware that other cats make this sound right before they go medieval on you, you'll totally… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 9:34 PM on July 26, 2015
"You don't know my name, do you?"
Or in American English.
Yeah, it's a funny thing - it never did rhyme, but I think this shows you how often anyone spoke the world "clitoris" out loud in the early 90s. Which was almost never. There was a legitimate confusion, at the time, as to whether it had a Latin-style pronunciation or the more American dactlyic version. I remember this being a bit confusing in my late-80s high school human sexuality class.
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 9:10 PM on July 25, 2015
Common Waters: Politics and the public water fountain
Absolutely brilliant post.
“Most people over the age of 40 have really positive stories of drinking fountains as kids,”
Count me among them. I have a real fondness for the drinking fountains I used to patronize regularly as a kid running around free-range in my hometowns. They were anchor points of summer refreshment. I didn't know we'd had a WCTU fountain post in the past; I was idly thinking of making one, as I maintain a… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 9:24 PM on July 25, 2015
You should be able to shoot that stream of water right between your fingertips and your cheek, and drink from the heel of your palm.
If I haven't been able to wash my hands, I feel like whatever I've picked up on my hands would be way worse than anything in the stream of water.
As far as what you call it: when I was a kid in TX I rejoiced at finding a water cooler. Not the big 5-gal-bucket things we have… [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Miko at 8:30 AM on July 26, 2015
"The tape stopped, but they were still singing."
Pareidolia, Hypervigilance, and the Uncanny Valley - You Know, For Kids!