Activity from jessamyn

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I'm in a poly relationship with someone whose partner I loathe
now the idea of "you're with THAT GUY?!" permeates my thoughts to the extent that it diminishes my opinion of Jill.

I think you answered your own question? I think not caring for someone's partner is okay but not optimal. However if you hate/despise/loathe someone's partner, those are strong words for someone that the person you care about cares about. Jack sounds like drama. Jill sounds like she should maybe be a little more "Hey man… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:41 PM on August 24, 2016

Getting your hair dry *and* being a good girlfriend?
It sounds like your previous boyfriend was much more sensitive than the average person

Yes, from this question and your previous question about this guy he sounds like someone who is very particular and wanted you to be the one to accommodate him (dealing with 40+ hours of video gaming is a thing that people in relationships talk about, they do not just say "My way or the highway") and you seem to be having trouble calibrating what a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:49 AM on August 22, 2016 marked best answer

To meet or not to meet? (Broken relationship edition)
I don't think this is over for you by a long shot and you want to meet this person so you can open up a can of worms and feel better. You will not feel better.

Yep, agree with all this. If there' a future where you are in a place where this is not a raw and open wound, then maybe consider it. For now, I'd leave it alone.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:20 AM on August 22, 2016

What product features and materials make cleaning easier?
Those windows that flip in (many examples, there's one) so you can wash both sides of them Magic.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:17 PM on August 21, 2016

What can I do with Rosemary?
You can grind it up and put it in shortbread recipes and it's pretty great. Also tossed with potatoes and baked (home fries especially). I think it freezes okay, ymmv.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:14 PM on August 21, 2016 marked best answer

How do I rebuild trust in my relationship and meet my partner's needs?
You sound like you've been honest and conscientious. She sounds like she's anxious to a fault within this relationship and winds up trying to overdetermine and overcontrol things. You are nice to try to make that work but it sounds to me (and I see myself as more her in this relationship than you, I have been there) that you guys may want different things. Specifically, I don't agree with her statement that you need to figure out what she needs. A partner shouldn't be a puzzle palace and they… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:07 PM on August 21, 2016
And, sorry I didn't speak to your main point. This relationship can work, but she needs to take more ownership and responsibility for her own feelings AS feelings and not just things that you are responsible for. Some gentle loving pushing back on some of her "You need to do this in JUST THIS WAY" sorts of things may help her adjust so that you're both getting your needs met better.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:09 PM on August 21, 2016

Secret mailbox
I've owned a post office box for over a decade and I don't think I would do this if secrecy was really important mainly because a PO box requires you to go to the post office to check it which is itself the weakest link if there is some sort of danger (since people can see you there, I guess you could fake mailing a bunch of letters?). You will absolutely need to provide ID and proof (I think?) of address which means the postal employee would have that info which could also be a weak link.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:00 AM on August 20, 2016

How does your non-profit org get access to academic journals?
For actual journal access, there really isn't a good legal solution.

Librarian here, everyone is right. Your absolute best bet is to have physical access to a library where you can usually get this sort of thing easily and legally. Have someone on staff whose job it is to fulfill information requests and it might be cheaper than any database access.

Quasi legal options, depending on the volume you are talking… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:20 PM on August 19, 2016

fresh feeling mouth WITHOUT brushing teeth or chewing gum?
Sugar free cough drops. Chewing on cloves/herbs (fresh thyme or parsley). Altoids. A little finger scrubby thing?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:35 AM on August 19, 2016

What climate-specific learned behaviors does no one think to explain?
If you live somewhere with heat and humidity you build in special precautions about cold drinks so they don't just drip all over you because of condensation on the container. This can include cork coasters (which absorb it) putting your canned drinks in those weird coozies (which keeps the moisture down as well as insulates) or leaning forward when you drink to keep the drops elsewhere. Condensation dripping down toilet tanks can, over time, ruin floors so sometimes fancier places (my dad had… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:02 PM on August 18, 2016
I grew up in the catskills, home of microclimates that could get down to the 40s in the summer as well as incredibly steep and winding hills.

This is really true in Vermont too. Here, as in the catskills, you have the idea of "hollers" (places in the shade of a hill) where the temperature might be a bunch colder than it is just a mile away. So when you drive in the winter you not only need to pay attention to the outside temperature, but… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:50 AM on August 19, 2016

I shot him in Virginia and he died in Tennesee
MeFi's own Paul Slade (author of the book Captain Science points to) has written about this and there is at least one good post on MetaFilter. I've always been a fan of Shady Grove and similar songs. Steeleye Span does some ones form the UK that I will recommend because I haven't heard versions of these songs in the US. They're not quite Murder Ballads but only because they nearly predate them.

- Long Lankin
- King Henry
- Boys of Bedlam
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:29 PM on August 18, 2016

Fictional nerds
Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars is a great buddy book for a YA audience about an unlikely friendship between two nerdy kids told from the perspective of one of them, Leonard, a slightly "portly" kid who gets along with his parents but no one at school. It's science-y in that the kids have to try to figure out some interdimensional stuff, but most of it takes place in the real world and there's a lot about Leonard's inner life. He is not, however, that academically inclined. Lot of… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:29 PM on August 18, 2016 marked best answer

What shape are the numbers?
The numbers 1-9 for me all have shapes like they'd be on a domino and when I am counting them I do it physically like touching invisible dots on a piece of paper.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:27 PM on August 18, 2016 marked best answer

Water dispenser in the fridge door: how's that working out for you?
Mine is at least a decade old and it's a little weird (it's a TLG something something). It does cold water, crushed ice and ice cubes. There's a touch panel above it and then you have to press a glass against the back of the dispensing area to get water. It's non-intuitive. You have to replace an expensive filter inside the fridge every six months or so. Replacing the filter is challenging but after the first few times I got used to it. It does take up a lot of space in the fridge & freezer.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:34 AM on August 18, 2016

How to I act at work after an emotional reaction to a rape discussion?
if anything your dean screened some triggering material without really understanding that it could upset not just students, but people who were actually in the room.

Exactly. This is the sort of thing that may happen (supposedly well-meaning people who just screw something up and upset someone) and your reaction in the middle of the other shit you are dealing with both personally and professionally was understandable. Please be kind to yourself, you… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:27 AM on August 18, 2016

Polite Way to Ask Someone to Stay Seated When Not Needed
I sit my guy in a part of the kitchen that is not my part of the kitchen and then I bring tasks to him. And then if he stands up and tries to help (because I can sometimes look like I am in distress in the kitchen even though I am fine) I say, in a friendly way "Hey no, I am good, thanks so much but it's more helpful if you stay right there because I'm used to careening around here without someone else here. Can I get you a drink/snack?" We've had this conversation enough that I mostly… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:21 PM on August 15, 2016 marked best answer
And for friends, I find it's useful to let them know that I am like this BEFORE I'm trying to heft a blazing hot cast iron pot towards the sink right when they've decided they'd help by doing somethingorother. Some people are actually, for whatever reason, spurred to move around by you moving around. So you pick up a pan and start walking and they're like "Oh hey I just remembered I have to use the bathroom" so it's always a good idea to just let them know… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:37 PM on August 15, 2016
My guy looked lonely sitting in the kitchen so I gave him an apple to cut up and then everything fell apart and he tried to put the cutting board in the sink (usually a great idea!) when I was cooking some stuff on the stove and getting something out of the microwave at the same time and so I just said "AAAAA I JUST TOLD METAFILTER I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. SIT DOWN." It takes time.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:36 PM on August 17, 2016

What do you call yourself in the second person singular?
I'm first-person about the here and now, but if I'm talking about past or future stuff I talk about Past Jessamyn (as in "Hey Past Jessamyn left me a cookie, I really like her") or Future Jessamyn (as in "I'm going to leave this cookie for Future Jessamyn") so there are basically three of us.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:37 PM on August 17, 2016

I ate the burger. Now, a week later, I don't like it.
. She responded (by text) that she wants me to call her, and that she feels an extra session is "warranted" because the one before last had "zero effect".

I back up what you have said. You explained the policy. The policy is sound (absent any sort of agreement you might have that promises results which it sounds like you don't have) and the client sounds like a pain and the timing is dodgy.

You don't know… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:23 AM on August 16, 2016

Cannot stay asleep
This can be a stress side effect, definitely. This used to PLAGUE me and I've gotten better at it so that 19 times out of 20 I can go back to sleep. The big deal with me was to basically make going back to sleep my job and realizing that sometimes focusing on nothing/sleeping was harder than just letting my mind race with should've/could've stuff. And having a plan. So I had a few guided meditations for getting back to sleep, I'd turn on a fan or noise machine, I'd focus on blanking my mind… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:28 PM on August 15, 2016

Creepy Easter eggs for my new house?
leave four jars of coins around the house, numbered 1,2,3 and 5.

Yeah there are ways to do this that will be awesome and not weirdly problematic (my partners son has schizophrenia, I can't imagine trying to have that conversation, but I am not a concern troll and you are not my partner, so let's answer your question shall we...?)

When I was a kid we moved into a house with a lot of animal skeletons in the wall so I am going… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:31 PM on August 15, 2016 marked best answer

Brainstorm Me
Agree with humbolt32. I do mostly Wordpress stuff and I think there's a lucrative set of options for people who want to do the sort of thing you describe for anything (you could learn WP stuff too if you wanted to). Specifics include

- You have content on this platform and want to put it in Blogger, pay someone (you) to one-time move shit over
- Remember that guy who lost all his stuff be4cause he never backed it up? Pay someone (you) to make a backup and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:50 PM on August 13, 2016 marked best answer
I might suggest doing project based prices at first so that you get an idea of how much things cost. Or a hybrid where you sell "packages" of hours and give people an idea of how many hours a thing would cost. So like "$40 is my hourly rate and a backup should take an hour so that's a $40 deal. Importing your stuff from Wordpress well take between 1 and 3 hours so that's about $50-100" or something. Obviously at first you want to build up clients and a portfolio (or just a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:15 PM on August 14, 2016 marked best answer

Making my own Starbucks iced chai
Tazo and Stash both have completely reasonable "chai spice" teas that you can make in your refrigerator (double up on tea bags) and add sugar and then have ready to pour over ice. My preference is for more of a Masala Chai (more of a Yogi tea thing but that stuff is way too sweet for me) where you make it all together. It's more complicated, but the peppery taste is the thing that really gets me. One recipe here though I know it may not be what you are looking for exactly.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:42 PM on August 14, 2016

What do I need to teach middle schoolers about web design?
I taught this to low-skills community college kids last year and I focused on a few places

- HTML + CSS (basically getting up to the box model and the core idea that content and container are different - web people in 2016 may work on one or the other)
- principles of "good design" (looking at websites that suck, websites that are good, comparing and contrasting, writing for the web, a little about fonts and colors)
- accessibility and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:43 AM on August 13, 2016

Does this fall under fair use?
I'm a librarian who is a Fair Use activist and if it were me I would absolutely do this BUT I'm not totally sure (it's hard to be sure) about whether it hits the Four Pillars for Fair Use. And all you can do is sort of hedge your bets, people can still sue you.

I guess I'd think about a few things

- how much of the originals would you be using? And I presume this is just as "source texts"?
- how current is the stuff (i.e. is… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:43 AM on August 12, 2016
Linking instead of directly pulling-in would make a big difference, though you'd also need to know about copyright rules in Iceland. Linking to stuff for review/satire/educational/explication purposes is usually okay. Again, not a lawyer, but I think if you were just using them as examples for larger translation works you would not run into trouble, which is not the same thing as "This is 100% legally OK"
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:38 AM on August 12, 2016

History of Armpit Hair on Women
This article doesn't have a lot in the way of citations but does give a good readable overview of the topic. In short the article says that yes, hair removal has often been a thing, varied according to where in the world you were, talks about how different cultures did it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:09 AM on August 12, 2016

Don't stifle a sneeze
I live with eustachian tubes that are tricky and had tubes/grommets as a kid. A few suggestions

- Sudafed or other powerful decongestants can help
- neti pot is usually not helpful (says my doc) because you can get water in or near eustachian tubes
- I've had some luck with what are called "lymph drainage" exercises even though they feel like woo

Thing that worked the best for me was this technique for… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:53 AM on August 12, 2016

Origin of a quote purported to be by Tecumseh
This is the sort of question that the folks at the Vine Deloria, Jr. Library, National Museum of the American Indian might be able to help with. Try dropping Elaine a note if you need more data.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:13 PM on August 11, 2016 marked best answer

Google Apps for your Domain - for free?
When I go to that page I get a "New Application Creation is disabled." message. Do you see that?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:51 PM on August 11, 2016

Not-quite-Nordic not-necessarily-Noir?
WALLANDER. It's not in America (northern Sweden) but has a bleak prairie feeling to it somehow anyhow. Plus: Kenneth Branagh. Not always cold but usually and if it's not cold then Wallander is exhausted for some reason.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:17 PM on August 9, 2016

I don't think that means what you think it means...
I just tell people I see it as plain old manners only now more people get to work on writing the manners rule book which the old time manners book makers find chafing. And, as with all manners you are welcome to ignore them and people are welcome to find you lacking in manners.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:24 AM on August 8, 2016

I suck at vacation
Well, technically I'm being treated for depression since my anxiety is a relatively new development and I haven't spoken to my doctor about it yet.

Anxiety is its own thing and this sounds like textbook anxiety. And yeah sometimes when you have depression that is being well-managed anxiety can pop up as a bit of a side effect or maybe it was the issue all along.

Your hypervigilance sounds like someone who grew up in an unsafe… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:22 AM on August 8, 2016

What is the absolute best bedside lamp?
We have a ton of these around the house. They are bright, dimmable, easy to direct the light, heavy enough to not get knocked over, easy to turn on and off. Downside: a little Starwarsy. I don't know why it costs a fortune from Amazon tho. Some of the knock offs don't have a heavy enough base so you want to make sure you're getting one that is good.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:36 AM on August 8, 2016

I need to sleep!
But seriously. Your partner should be able to remember not to wake you up. It doesn't seem like he is forgetting, short of some kind of physical problem or mental condition. He just feels entitled to wake you up when he wants to.

Yeah, he may have poor impulse control. My guy isn't always that good at holding an idea in his head for a long time and does mean well. So we have to do things sometimes that seem ridiculous like I will say… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:00 PM on August 7, 2016

Best Way to Use my Unlocked iPhone in Britain?
The good news is that Heathrow has free wifi so you can research there and/or make a plan to get out of Heathrow without your phone. So you can either get a card in the airport (decently competitive rates) or wait til you get to where you are going and go to the local Carphone Warehouse and just see which options seem decent. The only real choices are whether you need a lot of voice and data or mostly one or the other. I was pretty much able to get all the data I could use for about 20 pounds… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:51 PM on August 7, 2016

Less introversion, more openness
It's my ego, isn't it? -- And, similar AskMeFi questions do not quite get at my particular, special circumstances. Do I sound at all like you? And you overcame acting like a scared, awkward, bitter wallflower? Omg how.

I'm sort of like that but especially in some ways (the personal questions, the OMG I DON'T CARE response to things, the fleeing after an event) and I guess I have a few more questions for you.

- Have you tried… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:49 PM on August 6, 2016

Unicorn of a used car
When I was pricing out CRVs you could find something like this if it was an old CRV but one with low mileage. I bought my dad's car from his estate and it was a 2009 with maybe 30K on it and has most of those things except third row seating and was under 15K and would be more like 12-13 now. I like the Forresters too (my previous car was a Forrester) but they hold value really well so you'd wind up with an older one that might mean higher mileage. That said, they last forever (if they don't have… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:35 PM on August 6, 2016

Books and essays on "being a citizen"
The Vermont Owners Manual is a good look at what it takes to be a citizen in Vermont. We have (some) direct democracy so it talks about your responsibilities to go to town meeting and how you get information and that sort of thing. Can be a bit tough to scare up outside of Vermont but well worth it if you can find it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:24 AM on August 6, 2016

Strange, dreamy books set by the ocean
I just read two of these which were amazing and one which is sort of the same but not exactly. Run don't walk and get

1. Book of Speculation by Erica Swyler (sounds like The Seas but a disappearing mother in a mermaid sort of way)
2. The Electric Michaelangelo by Sarah Hall (very dreamy, not specifically with the "sea as character" but a lot of good "what exactly is going on?" stuff happening)
3. The Lace Reader by Brunonia… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:18 AM on August 6, 2016 marked best answer

WordPress Search not searching properly - at wit's end
I assume you've checked this but is it possible it's a poorly paginated site and the search results show the first ten ten and the next two are just ... like they're on another page but there's no obvious way to get there?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:24 PM on August 5, 2016 marked best answer
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:58 PM on August 5, 2016

Being at peace with picking up the slack
Usually for me when I am feeling this way it's because of one of two things

1. Feeling that my manners (I try to be polite when I can and at least civil when I can't) are keeping me from responding to people who are not treating me well. I put up with a lot of crap from parents as a kid and sometimes have trouble with self-advocacy. When I share these stories with others they often offer me suggestions about how to better deal with framing the situation in situations… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:03 PM on August 5, 2016

A home to retire in
universal design is going to be your key search term for interior issues.

Exactly, think about functionality stuff where your ability to use the thing will help keep you more safe and secure. Specifically

- easy to use locks on doors
- faucets with paddle handles or otherwise easy-to turn on/off
- really good bright lighting especially in places like kitchens/bathrooms
- stoves with big… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:54 AM on August 5, 2016

What are some surprising things that not everyone can do?
Turning tongue upside down... both ways (clockwise and counter clockwise). Some people can see fluorescent lights flicker an/or hear old tube televisions when they are on.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:15 PM on August 4, 2016

Does therapy make you a better person or just soothe your pains?
My therapy is strategic. I go in ad bitch for a little bit sometimes but then me and my therapist sort of look at whatever is going on and say "OK, how could that have gone better?" or "What is it that you want to work on about this situation?" and then we look at ways to laterally approach the same stuff more effectively. This might mean that I need to do something a little differently, or maybe respond differently. It might mean that I avoid those people or approach… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:55 AM on August 4, 2016

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