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How do I "I do?"
I am a justice of the peace who marries people (albeit in a state that has marriage equality, if you want to come to VT for 24 hours I'll marry you this weekend) and I don't check people's ID for any reason. If you have a physician who you are comfortable with, you can get the gender on your social security information changed if that would make things easier for the two of you. It might take a while, but having this "in process" might allay your partner's fears. If it were me I think... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:15 AM on July 25, 2014

Oh my god, please help me figure out temporary health insurance.
In my state the exchange had a few options. I called them all to see what the deal was and the basic difference between Blue Cross/Blue Shield's options and the other one was that BCBS covered me when I was out of state and the other plan didn't or didn't do it well. Just try to get it at a place you can get your postal mail (and/or get it delivered to you) and don't really belabor the "I'm never going to be there" so much as the "I'll be doing a lot of traveling within the US,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:05 AM on July 25, 2014

Gettin fired for the dole
The company I worked for got into serious financial trouble last year - to the point where I knew that layoffs were going to happen. It was just inevitable.

This is how I left MetaFilter. I went from being a full-timer here so having a super part time job elsewhere. And the difference in what I was getting paid means that I can collect unemployment. And it's a huge massive hassle and I am constantly threatened with being sent to jail every week when... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:28 AM on July 24, 2014

we had a rom-com meet-cuteā€¦11 years ago. now what?
My feeling is that the older you get the more these sorts of connections can be really fun and interesting but not necessarily "OK if this works out I turn my whole life upside-down" things. I've been in a long term committed LDR for years now and it's perfect for me. It's not perfect for everyone. You'd have to take some time to see if it's perfect for you, or even something you'd enjoy (with this guy or any guy). If you're not angling to have kids right now, there is no real reason... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:58 AM on July 23, 2014

I'm not sure whether or not to quit AA...
I felt like Flexeril was evil, I felt like I had relapsed, and that I was on the road to ruin.

That sucks and I am sorry that happened to you. I agree with the feedback other people have given here, specifically

- being in a "my sponsor gives me my meds" situation was not a good way to do this and if your sponsor specifically suggested it, that would raise an eyebrow with me
- you need a new... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:04 AM on July 22, 2014

Ending friendship like a grown-up
Does this seem like a reasonable approach, or could this cause more drama?

It's prolonging the relationship that she has seemed to indicate is over both by blowing you off earlier and being a jerk at this event (seriously, what grown up does that? She sucks). It sucks and it stings and she was a jerk about it but the good news is that you are off the hook because you are no longer in a relationship with her at all and she can go eat a bug and you... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:29 AM on July 21, 2014 marked best answer

Four or five lifetimes of memories.
The Yiddish Book Center would also be people I'd call. Even if your stuff isn't in Yiddish, they know where the people are who take old books of this vintage and aren't quite as busy as some of the other archives/museums. Here is one list of resources for book pests from the University of Hawaii, there are others online.

You might also consider sorting the stuff out by type, unless it's in scrapbooks or something. So photos with photos, books with books, clippings with... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:49 AM on July 21, 2014

Numbness in my hands - what can I expect at the doctor?
I did have surgery, an ulnar transposition, and it was completely successful

This happened to both my sister and my father who were both presenting very similar symptoms to yours as far as the numbness. My sister will still, even post-surgery, get the same weird symptoms if she sits in a funny way or overuses the computer. She has balance problems but they are unrelated to this. So did my father, oddly enough.

Do not be... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:58 PM on July 20, 2014

Should I get back together with my ex-wife?
(1) the kids deserve an intact family, and (2) life would be so much simpler.

Nope. From my personal experience, kids know the difference between "intact" family and "happy" family and they don't give a shit about the first one if they get the second one. I had parents who stayed together too long for this purpose and while I'm not (too) bitter it was the wrong choice made by people with the best intentions who were also sort of .... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:25 AM on July 17, 2014

Fiction incorporating internet interactions?
Archer Mayor's Chat does this, and it's primarily aimed at a non-internet audience so it's very low key but there are interstitial chat transcripts between the regular chapters and as the story progresses, you learn about what is going on with them. I seem to recall that WWW Wonder did this but it's been a while since I've read it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:43 PM on July 16, 2014

Language for dates
The argument is that "next" is ambiguous here because it's a singular description.

To many people, it's ambiguous. To some, it's not. To some, it's news that it's ambiguous but they're okay with that definition. To me it's ambiguous and I've been burned by this enough times that I always ask people "What day are we talking about here?" If I want to go to the party, I will politely ask.

Nthing that effective communicators write out the date.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:43 AM on July 15, 2014 marked best answer

I'd like to convert a car to cash with minimal hassle.
I've always sold my cars in private sale and I feel like it's not much of a hassle if you don't want it to be and I think you get slightly more money (though not much more so you can balance the hassle factor in your mind). You have to be sort of okay with

- saying "No" to people who want things you aren't willing to do (lower prices usually)
- trusting people to test drive your car
- being okay telling people with scams to fuck off... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:22 AM on July 14, 2014

What's a breast biopsy like? What medical language is involved?
This is probably more than you need, but these people have been trying to help people going through breast procedures not have it be so scary/confusing. They have made a (long) list of vocabulary words (some of which deal with cancer and may be more than you need) to assist people in understanding what is going to happen. This is their entry for biopsy.

A breast biopsy is a procedure to cut out small amount of tissue from an area of concern in the breast. The tissue... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:11 AM on July 14, 2014

Suggest me some simple guitar + voice songs.
Leaving On A Jet Plane immediately came to mind.

That is one of the ones I used when I got started playing ukulele (and still like it) I use a site called Chordie which allows you to make playlists of songs you like. I chose a lot of folk songs that are fun to sing along to when I was really just learning how to switch chords. Here is the list that I used but you can search the other lists and look for "Simple guitar songs" or... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:40 AM on July 14, 2014

That's interesting underwear you've got there
but is this crossing a professional line?

I try to justify this in that people wear all sorts of strange underwear in their personal lives.


But a fetish is pretty much something different though isn't it? Unless the actual fetish aspect is "I literally ALWAYS wear these" in which case yes, you are involving your doctor in your fetish and that's sort of 1) uncool or 2) you being weird about something that doesn't... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:49 PM on July 7, 2014
If you click on a question that starts "I have a diaper fetish...", you're a willing participant.

I feel like the language that you are using in this question is also indicating that there may be some confusion/boundary concerns in your larger life. As Dip Flash says, you have a fetish, which is fine. Where fetishes (or any of life's choices) become not fine is when they start impacting your health in a way that you may not be willing or... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:45 PM on July 12, 2014

Truffle mania
Parmesan french fries with truffle oil. Yes.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:20 PM on July 11, 2014

The house I am renting has an alarm system, how do I make it work?
Your biggest issue will probably be that the existing system is hardwired into a landline and will need to have a cellular adapter installed.

There may be options depending on the company and location. Mine basically said "You can get a land line installed and then the "alarm calls us" option is free or you can rent a pager from us which costs $5/month" (or something) So think ahead on that about which options may be useful for you and which may not.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:36 AM on July 11, 2014

Help my mom not get screwed out of her pension
I would also suggest contacting her local elected representative. Her congressional rep's office will have people who deal specifically with constituent services and sometimes this is the exact thing they deal with: finding the right agency for people to work out their problems.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:42 AM on July 10, 2014

Help me plan for a difficult conversation with my mother
I also want to display self-respect and try to maintain healthy boundaries. And I don't want to make the conversation about stuff that it may not be about

First thing to do is figure out what the conversation is to be about and if I were you I'd pick one thing

- money "I borrowed some because it was an emergency"
- relations/boundaries with her

My advice which is yours to take or... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:14 AM on July 10, 2014 marked best answer

Northern Nova Scotia/ Cape Breton vacation tips?
I asked a similar question a long time ago and I was very happy with the Cabot Trail and going to Tatamagouche and staying in the Train Station Inn.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:32 PM on July 9, 2014 marked best answer

Recommend A Quiet Dishwasher
It isn't quick, the cycle takes about two hours, but it really is the quietest dishwasher ever.

Yep, have one of those too. Super quiet. You can have a conversation right next to it and I can sort of tell it's on but just barely. Love the thing.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:58 PM on July 8, 2014

Is free really free?
Are there issues to consider about the rights?

Yes, plenty. Ideefixe has the good starting questions. Just using it for something that isn't being sold isn't really enough. If you're not making it into some sort of art or criticism of the thing, it's unlikely to be fair use (check the Four Pillars here) which means you need to be really certain that the stuff you are using is truly public domain. The Internet Archive has a lot of good content, some... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:56 PM on July 8, 2014

How can I make up for calling him an aspiring softcore pornographer?
It sounds like you should probably break up from the small amount you've shared. That said, a good apology basically does a few things

- I get what I did
- I get that it made you feel ________
- That wasn't cool and I am sorry
- Here is what I am doing to make sure it doesn't happen again

"Hey I'm sorry I said that thing to you about being a pornographer. Obviously I'm working through some of my own... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:48 PM on July 7, 2014

Social Media Etiquette for Homewreckers
Now he has asked me to restrain from publicizing our relationship on his social media accounts (ie pictures, general mentioning, etc) for an 'appropriate' amount of time out of sensitivity to his ex.

Nope, that's weird. If this was a longtime marriage w/ kids or whatever ... maybe? But this is just people dating and my feeling is that this is more about his anxiety (where, often, there's never a "good time" the only good time is "not... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:35 PM on July 7, 2014

Help with fingernail injury
I get these often-ish.

- soak in decently hot water, sometimes salty water can be helpful
- keep it very clean & keep a bandage and antibiotic ointment on it
- for under-the-nail infections, usually you can help things if you get a piece of sterile gauze/cotton and sort of push it under the nail so it can drain and so it can heal.

It will hurt normally, the only "doctor, STAT!" thing you have to look out... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:34 AM on July 7, 2014

How often do you replace kitchen sponges?
My family washes all dishes by hand with sponges and uses them until they start to fall apart. I have never once microwaved or otherwise treated one, and none of us has ever had an illness related to it, at least as far as we know!

This is also me. Part of the year i live someplace where it is more humid and even the most wrong-out sponges get smelling sort of funky/mildewy after a while and I'll replace them. I also use a different one for food... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:51 PM on July 6, 2014

Name that Bug, Cameroonian Edition
My first guess was some kind of wooly aphid but I think Ruki's got it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:39 AM on July 6, 2014

Are there warm apartments in cold climates?
Is there some big divide between people who live in their own houses and those who live in apartment buildings, with those things being non-issues for those who live in apartments?

I live in a smaller New England town (4500 people) and I usually live in houses or apartments. When I was heating an old Victorian (hey free rent!) that I was living in, it was easily $300-400 a month to keep it at 64 degrees. Heat is included in my rent now, but I am one... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:56 PM on July 2, 2014
Can anyone comment on the Western Mass/5 College Consortium area?

Yes. I lived there for four years (though often on campus but I had friends who were off campus) You are way more likely to find places that are landlord-friendly with a rotating, captive rental market. And landlord-friendly means electric baseboard heating and you pay the bills. If you get to more populated areas that had more of an economy that wasn't student based you might find... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:54 PM on July 3, 2014

Please suggest great but lesser-known non-fiction to give my dad.
If he has not read Henry Petroski, he might like him. He writes a lot about engineering topics in a somewhat approachable but definitely not pop-culture way. I'm reading To Forgive Design: Understanding Failure right now and I have also liked

- The Toothpick: Technology and Culture
- Engineers of Dreams: Great Bridge Builders and The Spanning of America
- The Book on the Bookshelf (history of bookshelves!)
-... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:06 AM on June 30, 2014 marked best answer
Two random older books that are good to look for if you're looking in older book places.

1. The Long Lonely Leap - about the guy who went up to 102,000 feet and jumped from a balloon, a record that stood until 2012. Hard to find. Worth it.

2. The Last of the Bush Pilots - just a great book about another era and sort of about the end of that era, when bush piloting was the way people got around a lot of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:42 PM on July 2, 2014

Former epileptic getting her license back in Ontario; insurance?
Hooray for your wife! I know you did not ask about the US. However my sister who got her license only after being seizure free for two years did not have any interaction between her license and her insurance. I (briefly) lost my license for a similar thing and since the license-losing was informal (i.e. my doctor said "Don't you dare drive" and I didn't) there was no official record of my non-driving and so there was no thing with me starting driving again. Same for my sister.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:53 PM on July 2, 2014 marked best answer

Help me understand my body and weight loss.
This happens with me. My body is generally a machine calorie-wise and I notice this same effect. I think it's two things.

1. Water weight because the off-diet food is saltier usually. I also feel sometimes that eating a lot of meat makes me feel "puffier" and I am never sure why this is but I notice it

2. Mass of stuff in your gut. For me when I'm eating whatever-levels of food, I am just eating more food, period. So there is more food... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:26 AM on July 2, 2014

My cat is TPing the bathroom! Help!
Low-rent solution is just a rubber band which lives next to the TP when you want to unroll it and then you just snap it over it when you are done. Kitty gets no purchase, decides to go somewhere else and play with something else.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:18 AM on July 2, 2014

Help me make my friends laugh... in less than 24 hours.
After I've taken long-as-hell flights I am always super dehydrated and itching for something that isn't plane food. I'm not sure what your car situation will be like, but a cooler of THE BEST drinks (in adult and kid varieties) in the car would make me crazy-happy.

If you have the option, cover the inside of the apartment with post-its that have the local-language name for all the things and put them in amusing places like inside drawers and on windows with names of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:26 AM on July 2, 2014

Is this healthy, and if not, how can I make it healthier?
Not a ridiculous question! It's definitely better for you than wine or beer every night. I guess the question is: what is your goal? Most food isn't healthy or not healthy in a vacuum, it's part of your overall general diet. And while certain things are on the "generally healthy" plan like more fiber, more veggies, less saturated fat and less processed sugar, fruit juice is okay in moderation. If you were someone who was taking in too many calories, fruit juices have more calories than... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:32 PM on July 1, 2014

Vermont getaway accessible by train (and no car), and maybe camping?
One of the reasons Brattleboro is a good choice here is that the train gets slower and slower as you go through Vermont. So to optimize your time you really need to get off it quicklike. I live in Randolph VT which is on that same train line but it's a hike from where you are. There is a cute town to walk around (population 4500 or so) and a few B&Bs (two?) and the only camping is a few towns over but it also has what you are looking for. I guess the main question is whether you want a town... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:18 PM on July 1, 2014 marked best answer

Help me find something as good as Zita the Spacegirl for my kids?
I just finished Zita this week! Have you taken a look at Tales of the Beanworld? It's one of my favorites. Not "mature" at all but has interesting stories with some back and forth activities happening. The Mal and Chad books are also pretty good.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:01 PM on July 1, 2014

Readings on Form and Content
There's some neat short accessible stuff about Lewis Caroll. I felt like I read about this first in something Hofstadter wrote but this little blurb is also nice. I also like this bit about his poem Jabberwocky.

According to Chesterton and Green and others, the original purpose of "Jabberwocky" was to satirise both pretentious verse and ignorant literary critics. It was designed as verse showing how not to write verse, but eventually became the subject of... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:38 PM on June 30, 2014
This is sort of local and weird but cortex wrote a thing on how to get images where the histogram (metadata about the image) could match the actual image. I always thought it was quite clever.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:03 PM on June 30, 2014

Dear Coworker: Why do you care what I eat?
The trick with inappropriate questioners is not to let them get you flustered; you do this by continually putting the ball back in their court. "I'm sorry?"

This is what works for me. I'm watching what I eat (not in a diet way but in an "I watch what I eat" way and it's no one's business past that) and I occasionally get comments. And I'm a little spacey anyhow, so a lot of times I just act like I can't hear people because I sort... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:05 PM on June 30, 2014

I am annoyed by everyone and everything.
Sounds like you have a good grip on what the problems are. Many of these things individually (work, pregnancy sleep) would make me irritable so you have the trifecta and that sounds annoying. It seems like many of these things are short-term so right now you should focus on

- making sure none of them get worse (people have given you good advice for self-care)
- making sure you're keeping cool with those closest to you and also letting them know you know this... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:16 PM on June 30, 2014

Appropriate flower or plant birthday gift for friend
Orchids are nice for people who like plants and are good with them. Unkillable bamboo is nice for people who are a little less great with them. I do think that plant you picked, while lovely, does have a condolence ring to it. Maybe call these people or these people and see if they have suggestions?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:29 PM on June 30, 2014

Please help me not go crazy with worry about my wife's health.
I'm quite literally on the verge of tears and puking with worry.

I am sorry you feel badly also. Please make sure you get some self-care while you support your wife. And you need to separate your own issues from the ones you wife is dealing with. She has enough on her plate without having to deal with this. If you have anti-anxiety medication of your own, now is the time to take some. Take a walk, keep the caffeine intake down and make a note to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:25 AM on June 30, 2014
This is an explanantion about Semont and Eppley and Brandt-Daroff maneuvers.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:29 AM on June 30, 2014

Newspaper strangling vs. Hollywood neck-break
You need to be very strong to break someone's neck this way and it only works because you immobilize the body and swiftly rotate the head with a lot of force while the body remains in one place. And even then you'd have to get it to snap in the right place to cause instant death and not more flailing. Put simply: it's not a reliable way to kill someone and only works in very specific circumstances usually when the attacker has a lot of strength/size on the attackee. Strangulation works via... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:38 AM on June 30, 2014

Bird ID
The yellow-vented bubul is super common out there and the "stripe through the eye" tying made me think of it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:22 AM on June 29, 2014 marked best answer

Grad school decisions
I'm still seriously considering Michigan if it has a stronger program.

It is a much stronger program. And I'm usually one of those people who is like "Whatever, live where you want" but UM is one of the best programs in the country as far as I am concerned. If you can afford to go to either school equally, go to Michigan.

I know a lot of great grads from Dominican and it's got good solid programs but I always felt... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:28 AM on June 29, 2014 marked best answer

What makes a good "welcome to our town" package?
Web addesses/twitter for local businesses and civic groups for people who like that. Coupons are fun. Answers to simple questions like

- how to get a library card
- how to register to vote
- school info/dates for families
- parks/rec information for families
- dates & times for locally celebrated holidays/parades, maybe a mini-calendar generally
- where to get wifi, how to contact ISPs
- local... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:23 AM on June 29, 2014

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