Activity from jessamyn

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My friend wants to date a married man...How would you have handled this?
It sounds like you made a good choice for you. I don't necessarily align with your opinions about dating but I think if your friend insists on making this a topic of discussion and it's not an okay situation for you and it makes you think your friend is bad or making a mistake or whatever, it's okay to move on. It's fine to have a friend who shares your values. It's fine to not want one who doesn't.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:55 PM on June 27, 2017

Seeing a therapist for the first time. Any tips?
She'll probably do an intake interview which means it will be more of her talking and asking questions about why you're in therapy, what has been going on lately, that sort of thing. Think about why you're going and how you'd explain that to someone. Think about what has been going on in your life lately. Therapy is for you so if you can't afford weekly (I go, I don't go weekly) that should be a thing you can work out. Above all, see how you feel talking to this person and give it a few sessions.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:48 PM on June 27, 2017

How do us overweight people handle theater seating?
I am a (volunteer) house manager for our small town's theater. We have a limited amount of seating for people with disabilities which ranges from "roll in" seating for people in wheelchairs to larger padded seating for people who don't fit in our fold-down wooden seats (as well as other stuff for people with hearing impairments). We also have some box seating areas that are a little bit removed from the standard seating areas for people with sensitivity issues or maybe a fidgety (or… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:51 PM on June 27, 2017

What should I add to my relationship contract?
I think spending some time on thinking about where things go wrong and how best to get the TEAM US ship righted can be useful. So think about what the "pain points" are for your relationship and what specific things can go sideways despite everyone's best intentions and then think, in a calm time, of better ways to manage those things.

This can be specific instances like "When visiting family, we take care to work as a team"
This can be… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:35 PM on June 27, 2017

What is the benefit to the rich of killing the poor?
The part that you may be missing is that there will always be another Joe for Chet to exploit. It's like asking how do cigarette companies manage to stay in business when their product actually kills people. They just move to other markets.

So it's not just the control feature which nebulainwdphone mentions but it's also that you sort of let people know that you hold the strings that affect their lives and they can change at any time. So like when people in Florida had… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:04 AM on June 27, 2017

Airport scanners abuse trigger. Family crisis. Now what.
I am not an abuse survivor, but I opt out of the scanners for other personal reasons, and thus I have voluntarily had the pat-down routine done dozens of times.

This is exactly me. I am not suggesting that this is the right path for you, but in a public area with someone explaining exactly what they will be doing, it might be preferable to the uncertainty (which, honestly, is one of the reasons I do it). I did not consider it gropey, personally.

Not going is also completely fine.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:56 AM on June 27, 2017

There is/is not such a thing as a free lunch
It really depends on what the program is set up for, morally. It also matters how it's set up in terms of staffing and supplies. If it's there to provide healthy meals for kids when the school is closed, great. If it's there to provide lunches to kids without food options at home, less great. If your presence there means someone who is volunteering at the program has to make one more meal, that's just a fractional amount of extra work. If there's a limited amount of food and not enough to go… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:34 PM on June 26, 2017

Adventures in Stowe that dont involve skiing!
Coming here to talk about the file cabinet!

Some of this depends on what you like. Going into the capital city is always a great day trip and it's a lot closer to Stowe than Burlington is. There's a nice little hike right up behind the Capitol Building (which is free and open to the public, by the way) with a tower at the top of it, great views: Hubbard Park. There is a lot of nice hiking right in Stowe as well. Hope Cemetery is also great for walking around and there is… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:30 AM on June 26, 2017
Oh waterfalls are your thing? I consider this website to be a non-nonsense guide to them. Moss Glen is one of the most lovely and it's in Stowe! You'll be in Lamoille County in case it helps to look things up that way.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:53 PM on June 26, 2017

How to set boundaries with upcoming houseguest
To me that is an invitation for them to hang out at our house all day without us, which I am not okay with.

This is a boundary issue with your SO, not with the houseguest. At this point the houseguest has an invitation to stay through the day on Monday, at least. Coming into town "for the 4th" includes the 4th. I'm sorry your SO and you seem to not be on the same page (and I sympathize) but the two of you need to, together, work out a plan… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:40 AM on June 26, 2017 marked best answer

Looking for science fiction book recommendations
Kid was made for...

Greg Bear's Darwin's Radio and sequel. Maybe Blood Music also?
WWW Trilogy - don't let the dopey title fool you
Silo Series (aka Wool &c.)
Lexicon and Brilliance and almost every book listed in this thread (aka "smart" scifi thrillers)

Also very much agree with Connie Willis. I like China Meiville but I find him a little dense and hard to get through, not page-turner-y. Dick,… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:18 AM on June 26, 2017

Seek ways to drop a class for a mental illness student
[Folks, I'm aware this topic inspires strong feelings but please just offer answers to the OP and don't argue with other commenters. Thanks.]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:00 PM on June 25, 2017

How do public radio interviews in remote studios work?
I was interviewed for a public radio show. I live in Vermont and it was a schlep to get to either of the local public radio stations with good studios and I didn't want to make the trip. So the producers called up a local recording studio in my town, checked to see if they had the facilities they needed, and paid them for the time I was being interviewed. The place was basically inside someone's barn, but it worked out just fine and hey, it helped my neighbors get paid!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:14 PM on June 25, 2017
Oh and yeah they emailed them the audio recordings and, I presume, merged them. I don't know the specifics but I know they sent big files to the public radio station that interviewed me afterwards.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:16 PM on June 25, 2017

Surprising Things You Enjoy
Did you know that there is a garden at O'Hare? Or a yoga room?

I have the same travel feelings. Love delays if it's not making me super late for anything. I always check to see if the airports have chapels, they are always empty and they are nice quiet places to chill in the cacophony of the airport, I love them.

I'm pretty mad at politics lately but I went to a friend's naturalization ceremony (as her +1) on Thursday where… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:21 AM on June 25, 2017

Do you also stop eating in the summer?
It happens to me but it's not necessarily normal. I don't have ED issues but sometimes have "forget to eat" issues until I am stomach achey and then don't want to eat. Much worse in hot weather because I'm not having the "Being hungry makes me cold" problem. I tend to keep something protein-y in the fridge in single serve portions and just eat one as a routine in the morning-ish time and it keeps the vomitty feeling away. Also it's cool and that is more appealing when weather… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:10 AM on June 25, 2017

Am I too old-school for online dating?
is my outlook even appropriate nowadays? Is the desire for more up-front emailing/messaging/written communication just not how it's done any more?

Sure lots of people do that. It's normal (i.e. it's ok to do) but it's not normative (i.e. it's not what most people do nowadays). I'd keep on doing it but maybe indicate in your profile that you would like to get to know people for a while conversing first and if that's not their thing, fine but it's… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:54 PM on June 24, 2017

What is "internet service without internet access"?
This is a product of theirs which I think they also call "Broadband for resale" meaning you buy it from them but you act as the ISP and you can resell it to others. They explain lower on that page
CLECs may continue to order and purchase CenturyLink Connect® not including Internet Access or ISP features for residential lines or CenturyLink™ High-Speed Internet not including Internet Access or ISP features for business lines, but CLECs must then choose an ISP provider.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:23 AM on June 24, 2017

It's taking it out of me to try to stay friends with her
We both knew it was unique, and perhaps even a bit unhealthy, but it was so darned exciting.

There are chemicals your body produces that make you feel this way. I don't mean to say this to be dismissive, those feelings are real, but they are generated for reasons not all of which are to make you happy in the long term. Also because sometimes understanding why you feel so ... weird can be helpful, or not. For me it was helpful to understand this:… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:03 PM on June 23, 2017

Please describe for me your planning routines
I freelance, so this is a struggle for me. However I am also fairly organized and tidy so it's mostly ok. I also do not have to include other people most of the time so ymmv. I have a few guiding principles

- I have a big "year at a glance" wall calendar above my computer. Big travel and recurring deadlines go on there. I figure it's good to know there is a trip coming up in a few weeks, not that there is one, say, tomorrow.
- Anything scheduled… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:50 AM on June 23, 2017
The other thing I forgot about until I just did it. When I have something that needs to happen "In a few hours" but maybe isn't calendarable for various reasons, like a thing I need to do at the computer but I am not there, or a thing that I need to do when businesses are open and its 11 pm, I have my phone set a reminder. Literally I just talk into it "Remind me at 2 pm tomorrow that I need to call the dentist." or "Email mom tomorrow about that house I just saw for… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:02 PM on June 23, 2017

Books with daemons or other magical creature companions
Eragon is also a book along these lines. Big books, the Inheritance Cycle.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:02 PM on June 21, 2017

LGBTQIA organizations for teens that aren't PFLAG
I'll DM you the local librarians name if you don't have it. There may be a way to start a "book club" at the local library (which I know for a fact has many great ally librarians in the YA/kid section) which can become an informal hang out space for them.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:16 PM on June 21, 2017

Do you have a SuperToaster?
Breville. I have it too. I make things ranging from chicken to small baking to pizza to root veggies in mine. And it's good for a range of reheating as well. The buttons and the interface are good. Easy to clean. Sort of gets hot on the outside which might be suboptimal but otherwise, yes, total win.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:23 AM on June 21, 2017

Is there a name for this script-imitation font phenomenon?
I have an friend who wrote this bit about faux devangari as a font and references this article in PrintMag where Paul Shaw looks at a lot of these fonts.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:52 AM on June 21, 2017

How to structure bank accounts to make them accessible upon death?
Your question is somewhat oddly worded. A thing that is worth knowing about this whole business (which people have given you great advice about already) is that the bank doesn't really know you've died. That is, when my father died we had access to his bank accounts because we had access to his online accounts and his ATM for weeks and could use it to pay bills and etc.

So for now you should

- have a joint account with your wife just because (as… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:49 AM on June 21, 2017

Useful, trustworthy online resources for adjusting to (pre)diabetes?
When my SO got diagnosed with pre-diabetes, in addition to the American Diabetes Association website, he was also referred to a regular Diabetes Nutrition Class that was sponsored by his local healthcare provider. He found the information there was very common sense and mostly about making better choices, not getting into a serious hardcore regimen and he's found it incredibly useful.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:42 AM on June 20, 2017

Targeted advertising and you
When you are seeing ads that are related to things you've been doing online, where are you seeing them?

I see them when I turn Ad Blockers off. For example, I was looking at a roller bag on eBags. Decided not to buy it but did click around a little bit looking at it and may have put it in my shopping cart. When I went to other websites like the NY Times and other journalist-type sites, I would occasionally see an ad for THAT EXACT SAME BAG (and it… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:40 AM on June 20, 2017

Quitting a job after 3 weeks
The big missing piece from this is why you want to quit? I am an anxious person and I want to leave EVERY job after a few weeks, always. This is not to minimize your feelings on the subject but I think people could give you some more helpful advice if you talked about what the issues are?

To your main question, you freelanced before, right? And this is new, taking a steady job? And it's only part time? I always figure that people who have you part time always have to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:12 PM on June 19, 2017 marked best answer

Blog comment retro-editing query
First question I'd be asking is "Do you have a policy?" If not, this is a good point to make one. And yeah this is tricky since there was a follow-up comment on the "potentially damaging" comment he made. I agree that it matters what sort of damage you are talking about since anonymizing the comment would make those allegations anonymous which is sort of not cool. Might it be possible for him to change his username for something a little less "my real name" ish so… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:31 AM on June 19, 2017 marked best answer
And, as a past MetaFilter mod, I know we have been pretty rigid about not deleting past comments but realistically we occasionally would for various reasons, So as much as it feels like the "right" thing to do to just adhere to policies or have a blanket "we always do this" approach, realistically people are human and so are you and try to take your action from a position of empathy when possible but then be a lot more strict if the person turns out the be a repeat offender.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:33 AM on June 19, 2017

How do I get sand out of my clothes?
Toss all the beach clothes into a soaking bucket before they go in the washing machine to get a lot of the sand out of it (alternately: hose 'em down and just soak and line dry most stuff don't even wash it) and wear stuff at the beach that is more sand-resistant: bathing suits and coverups and then change into "going home" clothes if you don't want to go home with damp/sandy clothing.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:00 AM on June 19, 2017

Why do my female "friends" treat me like sh&t?
I ended up feeling like SHE doesn't even like me (since she stopped having me come see her), which proves my point

What? No it doesn't. You had a bad fit with your therapist which is a thing that happens to everyone. Find a new therapist.

My read based on what you've said is that it's possible you are ... a little intense? That is, people enjoy being with you in social situations but do not want to do things one-on-one with… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:34 PM on June 18, 2017

Hi. It's been a while. How have you been?
I usually try to make it topical (to answer the unstated question "Why are you getting in touch with me now?") and friendly along the lines of what Etrigan said above. Examples....

"Hey Mark, what's going on? I found a bookmark in a book I was re-reading from your old lending library and I realized I haven't chatted at all with you since your second kid was born. How are things?"

"Aaron I heard that Ringling Brothers… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:53 AM on June 18, 2017

Are Most Grilling Sausages Fully Cooked?
It's very rare. That said, if you want to make sure the temps in the center are where you want them to be you can do a few things

- boil first and then grill to charred on the outside (bratwurst style)
- slice in two for final grilling
- much lower temps for earlier in the grilling process

Serious Eats has a longer and better explanation of ways to do this better.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:44 PM on June 17, 2017

ALA annual - what should I be doing?
Another thing I would be doing if I were at this conference: National Digital Inclusion Alliance ALA Meetup. I'm a part of this group but it's an open invite to people who want to talk about digital inclusion stuff in Chicago.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:12 PM on June 17, 2017

How to answer the salary history question?
Final update from the OP:Better late than never, I hope... I got the job! As I had hoped after reading this thread, I was able to center the negotiation on what the new job should pay rather than what I was earning. I ended up at $90K, but I'm OK with that because the comparable jobs ended up not being as comparable as I thought. This is also a public university and therefore much less able to dicker.

Thanks for the good advice. With everyone's help I'm now on one of… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:14 PM on June 15, 2017

Boyfriend died, what do?
[friendly note: please read the entire question before answering, thanks.]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:09 PM on June 15, 2017

Be smart from the very beginning, new e-mail edition
If it is Gmail, there isn't any reason to really use folders as the search system is great.

I use them and just think of them as tags which is more like how they are. Keep in mind that in most of academia people use email poorly so a lot of it will be figuring out how to get around people's weird pecadillos with email use.

For me I had a "folder" for every class, filtered the all-campus and all-faculty stuff… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:47 PM on June 15, 2017 marked best answer

can anonymous others eat it?
I am from Vermont. If it's still sealed it's like it's just been on the shelf this whole time. They might not take it back for reasons people mention above. If this were me, I'd just regift it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:46 PM on June 15, 2017

Pot plant problems
"We had a miscommunication because of our different views on what fencing is. Let's sit down and draw up a plan and then you can have the plants and we can ll be on the same page."

You probably need to set some boundaries with your sister and your husband. Don't know what they should be, but clearly she believes you should keep stuff with her private (and you may not) and your husband feels "ganged up on" when the two of you agree on stuff and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:40 AM on June 15, 2017

Asking for changes in a relationship
One interesting question is whether you're being asked to supply as much as, to be blunt, you are demanding.

Yeah I mean some relationships are just a lot more... open to requests than others. I'm in an "ask for a lot; give a lot" type of long term LDR. A lot of the things that me and my partner do for one another or request from one another would be totally not-done within other relationships. I really like routine so we have a fairly set… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:41 PM on June 14, 2017

How to stop feeling guilty about estranging myself from my mom
People shouldn't be "punished" for their developmental disabilities, right?

Right! But what if people with developmental disabilities feel like they are being punished when in fact they are dealing with the consequences of their actions?

I remember some of your previous questions. I have a not-dissimilar mom right down to the "She is telling other people that me not being around is making her sad" stuff.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:41 PM on June 14, 2017

Why is it so relaxing to lounge near open areas / lakes / pools?
A pool gives you something to watch and a potential something to do. It brings focus. It shimmers. It's cool when you are hot. Think about a campfire when camping or a sports game (playing or watching). In my summer backyard we have a lot of birdfeeders in various places and a bunch of little "areas" for seating. So you can sit on a deck chair in the sun if that's your thing, in a porch swing thing or on some wicker furniture. There's a koi/frog pond further back. Each place has little… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:53 AM on June 14, 2017

The 2017 song with "I need it every night!" as the refrain.
Please let it be Cake by the Ocean (only one "every night" in there but I love this dumb song). Is the song you are referring to, did it come out this year, or you heard it this year and assume it's recent?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:14 PM on June 13, 2017

Small living space filter
I wash all that stuff with my regular clothes and towels.

Likewise. I moved to an all-cotton bathmat and I wash it, my dishtowels, my clothes and my bath towels all together. Everyone's got their own tolerance levels for grossness but mine are low and it makes stuff like this a lot easier.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:32 PM on June 13, 2017

How do I renew my driver's license with this proviso?
Do these mean that I can't "certify" those things as true?

Nope, you are good. As others have said, you are not taking a medication regularly and consistently that makes you unable to drive on a general basis. My sister has epilepsy and was not allowed to drive because of it until she had been seizure-free for some certain amount of time. This is a CYA maneuver from the DMV/RMV to make sure that you are still physically and mentally allowed to drive which you are.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:33 AM on June 13, 2017

Financial and Lifestyle Planning For Aging Gen Xer
Renting is throwing money away unnecessarily

This is highly variable. If you're not 100% sure you want to put down roots, the best rental situation can save you a LOT of money in terms of home repairs, utility bills and peace of mind. If you're considering intangibles, it's quite possible that renting makes sense for you.

I'm in a not-entirely-different position and these were the things that mattered to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:38 AM on June 13, 2017

Biking app with narrative?
I'm not sure this is helpful, but for me when I switched from running to biking at the gym one of the things I liked about the bike was that I could prop my iPad on it and just... watch TV. I know that the Zombies Ru thing means you sort of speed up and slow down and other stuff, but you might consider just getting a tablet (or phone) and setting your workout to the length of your favorite whateveritis. I had special shows that I'd only watch on the gym which got my ass to the gym. I'd also… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:19 PM on June 12, 2017

moving into a group home?
The decision is ultimately up to A

I have a stepbrother who grew up in foster care and group home situations in Massachusetts and based on what you've told me, I don't think this is the case. If A is not eligible for foster care and A does not have some sort of mental health issue A is very unlikely to be in a situation where he can make the decision to put himself in a group home. A should have a legal guardian or a case worker who will help make… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:49 PM on June 11, 2017

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