Activity from jessamyn
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Smart, prickly hermit relative is delusional/psychotic and we're scared
The book people suggest to read is I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help: How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment (which, I know, she doesn't want to do this, the book is for people in your situation). Direct confrontations of delusions is not generally considered constrictive and it's unlikely from what you've said that people will not realize that her accusations are being made by someone who is mentally ill. I know her behavior sounds alarming to you but it's actually fairly within… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:39 PM on April 29, 2016
What's the most fun / innovative trivia round you've played lately?
Oh god the funnest hardest one (at Big Quiz Thing) was a fast music round where they'd play literally a few seconds of three songs right in a row. The songs share one word of the title, write down that word. Played through twice, not again. Very challenging but also fun and a good leveler since it involved a few different skills.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:11 AM on April 29, 2016
Dog breaks a thing at dogsitter's. Now what?
a thing you sign up for when you have pets. At least that's what I thought, until now.
Absolutely. And as the person charged with the care of the pets, you are the ones responsible for what they do during that time. So you paying for the things you paid for and the dog owner not paying for the laptop are actually consistent applications of the same principle.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:28 AM on April 29, 2016
How does obesity "wreak havoc on the vagina"?
You might want to read Effect of weight change on natural history of pelvic organ prolapse.. Conclusion: "Being overweight or obese is associated with progression of POP (pelvic organ prolapse). Weight loss does not appear to be significantly associated with regression of pelvic organ prolapse, suggesting that damage to the pelvic floor related to weight gain might be irreversible."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:17 PM on April 28, 2016 marked best answer
Honda CRV vs. Accord: help me sort my thoughts so I can get a car!
If you liked the CR-V, but thought it might be a little too big for your needs, Honda has the new HR-V out right now that I think looks interesting.
Agree with this. I've owned Accords and Civics in the past and now own a CRV (2009) and have had the same concerns that you have about gas mileage but for me the extra hauling space is a HUGE deal. I don't use it much but when I do, it's mission-critical and I love not having to fight with the car to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:22 AM on April 27, 2016
Health care proxy has been invoked. What power does this give me?
Nothing much to add based on that except god bless you for doing all this for her.
Seconding this. My advice remains the same as it was in the last thread. Contact NAMI, consider talking to one of the law firms they suggest. Doing stuff to/with her apartment would require power of attorney as I understand it. There may be ways of getting you appointed her legal guardian (different from healthcare, very much) depending in specific circumstances. My… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:32 PM on April 25, 2016 marked best answer
What does being loyal do for the loyal person?
I am looking for quotes, anything to make me feel better about this quality ... that seems to bring nothing but pain and disappointment to me, and I wish I could change.
I am loyal. It's sometimes a problem. Usually when it's a problem it's because someone has taken advantage of my good nature. And when it's a PROBLEM is when someone else makes that into a thing. Because at some level, part of the downside to being loyal is that, yes, sometimes… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:27 PM on April 25, 2016
How do I put somebody's eye out?
Big deal for me is getting offline and offscreen for 45 minutes or so at least. I literally only touch my phone to turn the sound off, no other phone interactions not even "good" ones. I have a Bedtime Book which I read until I am feeling too muzzy to keep reading. Sometimes this is five minutes and sometimes it's an hour. If I really can't sleep I have a few medicine options (benadryl, benzos, sleeping pills if it's awful) but most of the time I can get to sleep without it. There are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:27 AM on April 25, 2016
A few other things that aren't bedtime but have really helped (and I say this as someone with sleep problems that border on phobias sometimes)
- no caffeine after 5
- exercise like it's sleep medicine that you take earlier in the day (i.e. get some exercise, always, even if it's just a few walks around the block)
- find your good sleeping temperature (for me it's cold room, warm blankets)
- keep lighting as low as you can and have that… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:49 AM on April 25, 2016
Help me Viva Las Vegas!
The big thing for me compared to the east coast is how DRY everything is both because you're in the desert and because there is a lot of AC in operation everywhere. So make sure you travel with moisturizer and have a humidifier going if you have the option in the place you are staying.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:04 AM on April 24, 2016
Good books about small scale history
This book by Henry Petroski, The Book on the Book Shelf, is a great history of books and shelving. If you like libraries, there's also Library: An Unquiet History by Matthew Battles which has a lot of library stories. If you like Petroski he's written a lot of books about engineering and design (I just finished reading To Forgive Design which is about design failure and how people work on understanding failure into design culture, fascinating). If you're into furniture stuff you might like this… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:21 PM on April 23, 2016
Isn't this supposed to be the other way around?
It's actually harder to have a partial mom (like you do, like I do) than to have no mom at all, so give yourself a lot of credit for dealing with something that is really difficult. I have a mom who is a great person ... to other people, and she's weird with me. She and my sister have an ok relationship, she and I have one that is more distant, partly out of choice by me because she was neglectful and is really not always nice to me (as in sometimes mean, not "isn't nice always").… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:12 PM on April 23, 2016
Did Snapchat hellban my garden injuries?
Should we stick with our financial/investment advisor or with the bank?
"Before, your fees were going to the bank and then to me, now they'd go straight to me." Is that plausible?
Yes, assuming it's accurate and true. Having a financial person you like is really important so I'd do what people above are suggesting, ask him for his specific fee structure, compare it with a few people you've looked up on FINRA and make your choice. Make sure you're clear what ALL the costs are associated with changing (i.e. do… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:16 AM on April 23, 2016
Are you okay with fiction if it's allegorical? Kim Stanley Robinson's The Years of Rice and Salt is a sort of "What would have happened if the plague were a LOT worse and Europe was repopulated by Muslims...? It spends a lot of time talking about comparative religion and culture though it's definitely not non-fiction. Along those lines you might also enjoy Dictionary of the Khazars which is a bunch of overlapping entries from fictional religious encyclopedias.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:49 AM on April 22, 2016
How do I deal with these thoughts of quitting drinking?
Hey congrats. One of the reasons that AA is big on "one day at a time" is that it keeps you away from beating yourself up about the past OR the future. And at some level you don't even know what your non-drinking life will be like because you just started. And maybe it will include some periods of relapse (which is normal, if it happens, and normal though less likely if it doesn't). You've outlined a lot of really good things that you're already seeing about your life and yourself… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:19 AM on April 22, 2016
Catastrophizing about what could be a catastrophe
Lung cancer is not forgiving.
This depends. Stop reading the internet about it. People are living with lung cancer longer than ever before. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer... I think ten years ago now and has been doing fine thanks to miracle drugs. I mean it will probably be the thing that kills her, but not right now. People's prognoses are really all over the map nowadays. This is NOT to downplay your concerns, they are real and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:11 PM on April 21, 2016
Is it weird for someone to ask me to change the date of my party?
I think it's a little odd but within the range of "normal" as long as your constant "Nope that won't be possible" responses aren't met with any sort of friction. Like if it was a six person dinner party and they were one of three couples? I'd say it was pretty normal. If it's a birthday party for someone else? Pretty weird.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:43 PM on April 20, 2016
Road Food Montreal-Boston?
Worthy Burger is good if you like good beer and localvore food. If five miles is too far to get off the highway my town (Randolph, Exit four in VT) has a similar place with a LOT of local taps, good atmosphere, similar and more varies menu and about the same prices. It's called One Main. If you like slightly more shishi food and want wine and not beer, The Black Krim is right around the corner. Both are two miles off of the highway. If you check them on Yelp you'll probably see me in the reviews.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:00 PM on April 18, 2016 marked best answer
All of these places except the Lebanon one are about three-ish hours outside of Boston depending on traffic. Yama is about 2:30.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:01 PM on April 18, 2016
Saap is a new Thai place in Randolph (Exit 4 off of 89) that is not your average Thai place and also had a great beer menu. They just started being open for lunch.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:01 AM on April 20, 2016 marked best answer
ISO of an iPhone app that can record sound decibel level
If you're concerned with accuracy you'll want to give this article a read (I was trying to do a similar thing because of a dirt track nearby and wound up finding someone with a decibel meter instead)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:20 PM on April 19, 2016 marked best answer
Copywriters/humorists of AskMe, help me with some pithy phrases?
How can I "just do what I want" when I don't know what I want?
Maybe if you're from Michigan or New Jersey or something you can "just do what you want", but...????????
But nothing. There's nothing special about NJ or Michigan that gives people there special powers. You're making this into something super weird because you've prioritized harmony with family members who are being unreasonable/unrealistic. And local traditions. That's a choice and that is ON YOU. You can either fix that through a few… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:57 AM on April 19, 2016
Comic recommendations for 10 yr old girl please
Social anxiety has been ruining me for way too long
Someone recommended to me lately that I try to adopt a Buddhist mindset, something that changed their life and helped them reduce their anxiety, anxiety that was at points in their life so severe it which would prevent them from being able to do anything—even leave their home. Despite my tendency to avoid anything to do with religion
You can pick up a meditation/mindfulness practice without having to have any part in religion. I manage anxiety that… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:36 AM on April 17, 2016
Help me avoid the WASP trap.
Invite them out for at least one meal at your expense, or else cook the meal for them, or order it in. This is a general rule for overnight guests.
If this is a sort of "Stay at our beach house for the weekend" situation then you won't be going out and if you really are the "poor relations" no one expects you to spend money on them. A lot of the WASps in my general family treated the house like some sort of destination resort and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:59 PM on April 13, 2016
Also there is probably one member of the family (and probably not your SO) who is horrible and everyone knows it and everyone tolerates it as best they can and ignores their terrible behavior and pretend it doesn't happen. So if most people are totally AOK to you except that one person who says totally weird and inappropriate things and you're like "Why is no one sticking up for me when this person does this?" it's because that personal has basically been socially hellbanned and they… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:11 PM on April 13, 2016 marked best answer
do NOT expect to borrow from them
Yeah this may be highly variable. With my family it would be seen as a personal failing if you did NOT have enough stuff for every guest (so like you don't even bring a beach towel or an umbrella, the house has twenty of them). Unless they are jerks, they know you're from a different background and won't assume you are like them (except year they may say dumb stuff about how everyone MUST visit Monaco...). And yeah… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:23 PM on April 13, 2016
Banned Book Week event ideas for academic libraries - no flames, please!
In VT we have a 4th of July tradition (well, new tradition) which is a participatory thing called Reading Frederick Douglass. The speech itself is a 4th of July speech but it works for Banned Books week too. Basically someone printed out the speech and cut it up into like one paragraph chunks and people would line up with the speech in hand and read the next chunk and then move on to the next one. I participated and watched people in my neighborhood participate and it was more moving than I had… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:58 PM on April 16, 2016
I had and encounter with a neighbor that's weirding me out
I am sorry that is awful. Something is wrong with this neighbor as you've surmised and it's worth giving yourself a pep talk that her stuff is her own stuff and she is not a person worth extending an olive branch to because she burned that bridge entirely to cinders the last time you tried. So I'd talk to your spouse and agree on some ground rules regarding this neighbor (as it sounds like you have) and give yourself permission to be a "hard ass" (I put it in quotes because I think it's just… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:05 PM on April 16, 2016 marked best answer
Can we eat it -- hummus edition
I eat ancient hummus, I'll get a big container and pick out of it. However Still Tasty gives it a week if it's been opened.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:57 PM on April 16, 2016
How do I stop hating socializing?
Activities! For whatever reason I have a decent handful of friends who enjoy sort of sitting around and bullshitting about work or whatever as an activity. Not a big deal for sometimes but I'm not super good at just listening to people complain and, like you, I resent the one-sidedness of these exchanges. So I do a few things.
1. try to do activities not just "sit around and eat" things where they just vent and you have a built in thing to talk about.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:24 AM on April 16, 2016
How do we break out of a years long separation limbo?
Hey this is sort of what my parents did. They split up when I was 11 and stayed married for mulble-mumble reasons including my dad feeling like he was a failure if they divorced and my mom needing health insurance and being unwilling or unable to get a full time job because she was "left" with us kids. My dad pursued other relationships. My mom mostly didn't. No one thought they would reconcile but they also weren't really co-parenting exactly.My dad supported us how much he felt like… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:08 AM on April 15, 2016
Distracting talk during Scrabble. Good strategy? Just a thing?
what you might call cultural norms for this game, and how much to push back about this sort of thing.
I play Scrabble like it is my job. But I usually do it online. The rules for doing it online (and no, this is not Words with Friends, this is synchronous, time limited play) are that low key chatting via text box is okay but if you're seriously in the lead it's usually nice to shut up if your opponent is struggling.
In real… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:41 PM on April 14, 2016
Help me pimp and promote my Etsy shop
I was reading this last night about how to skyrocket to the tops of Etsy rankings from a purely-business perspective, maybe some of the tips will be useful.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:06 AM on April 14, 2016
Family member in serious legal trouble. Should I lawyer up?
If it were me I'd wait to see/hear if I was being contacted re:this case (i.e. contact a criminal defense lawyer at the point at which you are involved in a legal situation) and otherwise just ignore your role in it entirely. Don't touch the stuff. Don't lie about the stuff. Don't let anyone else touch the stuff. If someone tries to touch the stuff I would probably talk to a lawyer at that point.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:30 PM on April 13, 2016
Not quite "sharing economy" but what?
It's some sort of crowdsourced resource redistribution. Like when people needed shovelling out of the terrible snowstorm in MA and they could use a website to find a shoveler or offer to shovel? This article has some more examples.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:22 PM on April 13, 2016 marked best answer
Can an owner show a house while renting it out via airbnb?
AirBnB is decent about working this stuff out. Basically tell them that this isn't cool with you, you need it to stop, and you'd like to be reimbursed X amount for the hassle your parents incurred. Usually they'll tell you to take it up with the people who own the place and you can repeat the same to them but also let them know you've contacted AirBnB. If you and the owner can work something out (I'd ask for a partial refund) then you're good. If not, and it's truly awful, they might be able to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:44 PM on April 12, 2016
Community Organization—Not 501c3—and the IRS
You sound like Benefit or Fraternal Society to me, depending on how religious the organization is. This would not be a 501(c)(3) but perhaps a (c)(8) or (c)(10) depending. I'm not a tax person but take a look at this page and see if it's helpful?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:20 AM on April 12, 2016
Does this email have romantic overtones?
Yeah, I agree, this email exchange is completely hinky.
Hinky. And in the context of their past probably not-ok other for him or for her. However you're really only concerned with him and I think if it were me I'd be like "Hey I sort of get why this email exchange happened but I think you need to not be starting up the platonic friendship you were pretty sure you wouldn't be able to handle" and we'd talk about it openly and I'd strongly… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:14 AM on April 12, 2016
What is wrong with my ear?!
Is the only symptom the annoying stuffiness? I have something like that (have for the past year or so on and off) and what helped me a little bit was this treatment for glue ear which is what it sounds like you have. I just blow against something at the end of my nose, I don't use any balloon thing. That and a lot of sudefed keep it at less-annoying levels. If you've got concha bulosa the next step might be a turbinate reduction (I had one on one side and it was helpful) and a good look at your… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:24 PM on April 11, 2016 marked best answer
Huge fan. I find the idea of surgery scary but i had been having non-stop sinus infections on that side and that was what was suggested. The surgery was a hassle but the healing time was a lot less than I thought it would be. It's not perfect still but I haven't had a sinus or ear infection since it happened. Not everyone has such good results but I'm considering getting it on the other side if getting my septum fixed doesn't fix this issue.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:37 PM on April 11, 2016
My roommate is a hardcore recycler and I am not. What now?
I feel like he is forcing me to take on these additional household chores because of his own ethical/moral beliefs... This also was not presented to me as a request on their part, which aggravated me further.
People who want to save the planet can get sort of pushy about it. So part of this is just you deciding how much work you want to do and part of it is setting boundaries with this roommate and part of it is compromising.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:56 PM on April 11, 2016
Am I right to ignore him due to no second date/how do I date?!
now and I feel it isn't very classy of him to keep it up without solidifying the next date.
This is definitely a cultural thing. To me he's into you and maybe giving you space to decide if you want to see him again. I would LOVE it if a guy texted rather than called so I think this is a thing reasonable people disagree on. If you're not that into him, that's also fine but I think this is well within the range of normal post-dating behavior and if you'd like to see him again you should say so.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:09 AM on April 11, 2016
What do you like to do for fun?
I'd simply say, "I read, met up with my friends, shopped and caught up on my TV. It's pure bliss!"
Yeah I do what you do on weekends for the most part. I can spend days not talking to anyone and I like it. However, I already have a partner (who does the same things, in separate location, sometimes we connect and do nothing together). I think these questions serve a few purposes, not all of them… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:55 AM on April 10, 2016
Consumable Gifts for Kids
Depends on the age and the situation but a few things I've used for the kids in my life
- foaming bath soap things
- higher end/fancy popsicles in summertime (most kids have some sort of food that they LOVE but that is maybe too expensive or hard to get for "everyday" and figuring out what that thing is can be useful)
- really interesting coloring books and/or good pens/markers
- a book of postcards and stamps in case they… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:56 AM on April 10, 2016 marked best answer