Activity from jessamyn
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Christmas gifts for people I don't like
I go to the library book sale and get books the remind me of them that I think they might like. Include a note for each about why I thought they might like it (whether it was because *I* liked it or something else) and then you have something personalized, easy to wrap and not very expensive but also something "of value" if that matters. The good news is that for people who don't really read this can seem like a bit of a "fuck you" present but what are you going to do, tell… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:57 AM on November 30, 2015
itty-bitty cool gifts
Good suggestions in some threads about advent calendar gifts. One good thread in specific.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:51 AM on November 30, 2015
"You did your nails? It looks very... noticeable."
People are clods a lot of the time and usually not on purpose. I get this a lot since I normally am a decently frumpy person, comfortably so, and so when I do something dressy the compliments I get often sound to me like "Oh HEY you finally made an EFFORT" along the lines of "You'd look nice if you'd smile once in a while" I am a sort of quiet person and I don't like to be real talkative about other people's appearances but at some level that's about me not about the world.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:53 AM on November 30, 2015
How do I stop being infatuated?
If she's a real friend and you tell her "I am going to stop this back and forth texting because I need to put sincere effort into fixing my marriage. Thanks for your help, but I have to wrap this up" and then follow-through, she will understand and fade on you. If she's playing games, she will not.
Look, realistically your marriage may not survive, but it's crappy for everyone if you sort of have someone lined up just in case it doesn't. If it's more helpful to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:03 PM on November 29, 2015
outside of the everyday life experiences?
Boston Athenaeum has public stuff occasionally. Tower Hill Botanic Garden is a great place to spend the day. A picnic at Mt Auburn Cemetery. A walk around Walden Pond or the Quabbin Reservoir or camping at the Ponkapoag Camp. Drumlin Farm was a big deal when I was a kid. Mass Audubon's stuff generally is worth checking out. Likewise the Harbor Islands. If they're actually form Lowell they have probably gone on a mill tour? But maybe you could get them tickets to the Folk Festival there.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:42 PM on November 28, 2015
Hanging holiday lights on stucco with magnet hooks?
I would be concerned that with magnet-to-magnet you might wind up pulling off part of the stucco when you remove them so I'd go with paperclip. Might be better to just glue strips of metal to the house and then have the lights on those sort of magnetic hooks you see on refrigerators
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:42 PM on November 28, 2015
Do I need to go to this funeral?
I think my friend is expecting me to go and will be unhappy with me if I don't.
I would go and I am one of those people for whom not getting enough sleep turns me into a scary banshee (and I dislike formal and/or social obligations of other people) but I think I would go. Make yourself some sort of deal, bribe yourself and do something just flat out decadent (by whatever your definition of that is) afterwards. (or stay over the night before in the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:39 PM on November 27, 2015
I don't even
For me this is a level of grossness I did not think any sane person would ever do in their own home. I can't think of any excuse for this to occur multiple times. An accidental drop or two, I get, and am certainly guilty of myself, but this was beyond anything I would ever dream is acceptable.
I get that you're not stoked about this, but it's just pee. It's a thing you should work on, certainly, but in the short term it's not causing a public health… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:02 AM on November 26, 2015
Amtrak without eTicket?
Another option, though you seem to have this one sorted, is for them to get tickets printed at the public library which does this all the time. Or receiving a fax (at the library or another service point). Amtrak delayed moving to etickets for a very long time, but now that they've done it, they seem to work hard to make sure that everyone can properly use them.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:36 AM on November 24, 2015
Thermal layer for a chilly house?
I like silk and the other things that help me a lot are
1. scarves, just something around my neck so I am feeling a little more insulated. Does not need to be an outdoor scarf
2. hat, same. I wear a hat indoors a lot and just feel snugglier and warmer.
3. DRY socks. If you've been wearing socks all day, they may get even a little bit sweaty and then they feel clammy/chilly. In winter I get into the habit of changing into dry socks when I get into… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:54 PM on November 23, 2015
I don't know the way to San Jose
I was told the first time I rejected this idea that nobody cares about your school, only your experience, but that was five years ago and things may have changed.
Nope, that is mostly true unless you are looking for high status jobs like really good publics or academics. The big deals remain the same, imo
- go into as little debt as possible, jobs tend not to pay well
- get as much work experience as you can now… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:14 PM on November 23, 2015
Break-ups, exes, anger and forgiveness - a question!
I'm so angry that he couldn't have done the work and sorted his shit out now. I'm angry that there was potential for us to be so happy, but instead, I'm a casualty of his damage
I'm sorry, that is hard. It's one of the perils of dating (and then not dating) the sort of man you were dating, you feel like the blame is on you for being not relaxed enough and not on them for being a bad partner (or even a "bad fit" partner which is the same but different)… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:34 AM on November 22, 2015 marked best answer
How to Get What I Want at the Salon?
Depending on where you live, you might actually be able to get that cut at a barber. I live in a small town, have one barber shop. There is a woman there who has a chair and she and one other guy will cut women's hair. It costs the same whether you are male or female. I want what is basically a boy/girl cut in the summer and tell her that. Mine chats with me which isn't really my preference but it's fine. If you want to chat, you can start with some openers about local stuff, time of year, etc.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:29 AM on November 22, 2015
I can't DIY Everything Forever...
I just bribe myself to get through this kind of thing. Although it never turns out to be as unpleasant as I imagine.
This is me! I have random People I Can Not Call and people I can. I'm not sure what makes the difference honestly. I have no problem making a doctor's appointment (for example) but trouble making a specialist appointment. Can call to get my car repaired but not to get a cleaning service. It's weird and irrational. I have a few coping… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:29 AM on November 21, 2015 marked best answer
Word parts and/or rules for combining them (morphemes?)
In linguistics we talk about the difference between "impossible non-words" and "possible non-words" and there has been a lot of interesting study on this (i.e. different parts of the brain "light up" when presented with these different sorts of words) which might be a good place to read up on it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:18 AM on November 21, 2015
Oh, you're an Archivist? Hi! I'm the president of your fan club.
I feel you. Every time I see a FB posting by the National Archivist I am always like "HE IS SO COOL THIS PROFESSION IS AWESOME" You are just trying, at this point, trying to get in to school. So they want to know
- that you are interested
- that you have some level of aptitude
- that you want to do something that they do
- that they "like you" in some random way
- that you meet the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:50 PM on November 20, 2015
Post-apocalyptic fiction focused on rebuilding civilization?
SM Stirling (Emberverse guy) does some of this in his Nantucket series too, if you haven't read that. Less fantasy stuff in the first part. Kim Stanley Robinson's 2312 is a very world-buildy novel focusing a lot on how the governments work, who owns what, etc. The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi is a very weird version of this, a steampunk clockwork future world, not quite after the apocalypse but a cataclysmic trade war.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:31 PM on November 19, 2015
How to set boundaries with a mentally ill person
I also can sympathize with both of your situations. Maybe if you postpone this until after the holidays you can see how she's doing then (maybe you'll want to hang out, maybe not) but you can just say "Hey it isn't a good time for us right now. Why don't we plan something after the holidays wrap up? We're not mad, would love to see you but now isn't a good time" (i.e. the white lie of "It's not you it's us") and then just table it for a few months and see how you both feel… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:21 PM on November 19, 2015
What to do if you said something mean that got back to that person?
Not relaying every single untoward thing your parents say about your spouse to them is on like page one of Basics in Spousing. This is a husband fail.
Yeah I see it as a good opportunity to talk about boundaries. Obviously people have differing opinions about how much they want to know shit that is talked about them but the way I see it is
- You should have the option of knowing if people talk shit about you to your spouse… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:25 AM on November 19, 2015
Where's the airbnb for cat owners who travel?
So...I'm going on a medical leave...k bye! (runs away)
I think other people have given you some good scripts for talking to your boss (via HR) and I think it might also be helpful to you to have some other scripts that you can use when you get back or if people contact you when you are away. I am a teacher and I have a student who is taking medical leave. I got informed by his adviser. I don't know the specifics, and it's not really my business. When he gets back I will probably say something like "Good to see you here" or something that… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:57 PM on November 17, 2015
Please Recommened (And Classify) Political Magazines
If you like Z... Mother Jones does some really good political reporting. They are left-almost-radical-but-not-quite. I've always liked the Economist because it really covers the world and is critical of the US even though it's a bit Libertarian (in a "go go free market!" way) leaning. There's this big chart at Wikipedia if you want to check what ratings people are giving magazines versus what Wikipedia thinks of them.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:38 PM on November 17, 2015 marked best answer
When should I reveal a minor disability to a potential mate?
I think you'll be surprised to hear how many people live with small, near-invisible disabilities.
Exactly, especially maybe-temporary ones. I think if it were me I'd just want to know more general stuff like
- How committed are you to fitness generally, like is it a thing you like and enjoy? (since I like fitness stuff personally. And yes, you swim)
- Do you have a generally positive body image? (because that's a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:43 AM on November 16, 2015
How can I convert A LOT of (recently issued) 2 cent USPS stamps to cash?
eBay. I buy unused stamps on ebay all the time. You should be able to get a little less than face value for them and a lot of people who like to use old stamps on envelopes are forever trying to get little stamps to fill in blanks for postage rates. Go to this category. Offer free (or cheap) shipping and an attractive Buy it Now price. There are also people selling this sort of thing on Etsy which might be worth it if your stamps have some sort of topical appeal.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:55 AM on November 15, 2015
Cheap and easy frames and prints of wedding photos for gifts
Other languages' terms for transgender?
It might be worth looking at the Wikipedia entry for two-spirit people (and the term that it supplanted berdache) if your organization works with North American Indigenous people.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:27 PM on November 13, 2015
Recommend comics for my daughter
Nimona & LumberJanes definitely.
- Primates: The Fearless Science of Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey, and Biruté is a little history-ish but hits all your other points and is a good story
- Woman Rebel: The Margaret Sanger Story might be a little grown-up for her (and is history but tells a good story) but maybe in a few years depending in her maturity level
- This One Summer is basically perfect (adultish themes, read it yourself first)
- Relish: My Life in the Kitchen
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:23 PM on November 13, 2015
Looking for some free/public domain patriotic-sounding music
Sort of love stuff like this but it may be too scratchy. There is a lot of stuff that is free to use at the Internet Archive (disclaimer: they employ me)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:35 AM on November 12, 2015
Help me find an iPhone app for tracking all the (numerical) things
Daytum is designed for simple, customizable data dumps.
I use this. Simple interface. Better if you set it up on the web page and then use the app to update but works decently well, hasn't been updated in forever but if basically you just want to keep track of number things, it's easily the simplest.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:22 AM on November 12, 2015
Why do users lie and exaggerate about computer issues?
I do this for a living, helping computer novices fix things about their computers. I do this for a job, I don't work for a vendor or a school, and I do it because I LOVE IT, so I have a perspective that may be a little different.
1. people aren't lying. They may have a different viewpoint of the issue than you do, but they're rarely doing it on purpose. Sometimes they are doing it because they may be lazy, other times because they don't understand a thing other times… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:20 AM on November 12, 2015
It's for Mister Macintosh - The Ethics of a Blank Check
I can definitely tell you that no one who gives you a blank check is expecting you to make it in the pitiful amount of $100.
This was my read. I would think of it as "Buy the most expensive thing on your wedding registry" or something and get something in the $500-1000 range unless they are zillionaires and probably want you to get a car. The first thing I thought of was a piece of real furniture like a good couch or bed that would last… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:54 PM on November 9, 2015
She said that "If you knew how much I love you, you wouldn't need boundaries".
Classic red flag of a narcissist basically making their abuse of you about THEM and their inability to get you to totally subsume yourself to them. You tried. I'd sit this one out. No drama just polite but firm refusal. It might help to model normative behavior here. A parent who was getting "You hurt me" messages from a kid (whether or not there was… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:25 AM on November 9, 2015
Baked-good type desserts that can be frozen or made in single servings
Any really rich cookie dough is great for this because you can make one or a dozen and just keep the rest in the freezer and the workflow is "freezer to oven" (even better if there is a toaster oven handy). Slice and bake cookies are another option and you can make a reasonable facsimile of those fluffy sugar cookies (they are almost a shortbread). So a few suggestions
- single serving dessert pinterests
- this thread on deli sugar cookies (which I… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:26 PM on November 3, 2015
Getting close to the AllLivesMatter bs
I was also part of the "liberal / hippie / anarchist" crowd in my 20s, and one thing that I came to understand as I got into my 30s (and came to see about myself) is just how much unquestioned, unconscious entitlement and privilege was an underpinning of these scenes. As I aged, some friends from that time reverted strongly to type as the pressures of career and familial expectations came more strongly to bear on them
This was also very… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:42 AM on November 2, 2015
i still don't think i should stop doing something just because someone got offended
A valid response to that is that she is allowed to do what she wants in the larger scheme of things but you will not be with her or condone her doing it through your friendship. Like there are two things: her ability to be racist or offensive, and her ability to maintain a friendship with you while being that way. The first issue may or may not be something you want… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:46 AM on November 3, 2015
Urban Decay & my camera: Central Massachusetts Edition
I'm from that area. If the weather is nice, and you also like outdoorsy stuff (i.e. the woods, nature) you might enjoy the few bunkers that you can peek at the WWII ammunition bunkers which are here. Sometimes the doors are open and you can peek inside. It's also got plates to hike. Do't get me wrong, there isn't a lot to look at there, but the stuff is neat and totally 100% legal. A few other options can be found by poking around this site about Cold War Massachusetts. You might also find some… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:21 PM on October 30, 2015 marked best answer
How to "wear" a plastic Hallowe'en mask suspended in front of my face?
X's X's X
Andy Kindler. He's barely known to regular comedy denizens but he does the annual "State of the Industry" address at the Just for Laughs festival. He does comedy in a lot of cases that is about comedy and for comedians. Comedian's comedians listen to him, so I think he's the X's X's X.
Likewise in the field of Critical Librarianship (i.e bringing social justice ideas and practice into librarianship) the people who are the librarian's librarians all… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:14 AM on October 30, 2015
High Altitude Pulmonary Edema...a month later?
I have exertional asthma, meaning I can breathe find most of the time but if I really push it with exercise all of a sudden I feel like I'm almost choking, and your symptoms sound a lot like what I have. It's pretty easy to get this checked out at a doctors office, and if it turns out that's what it is it's really easy to manage with medication and/or some small lifestyle changes.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:22 PM on October 28, 2015
How to stop obsessive thinking about getting fired?
I regularly think this about every job I've ever had, including the job I had here, which makes no sense because I was basically the exact opposite of someone about to get fired. I got treatment for my anxiety and it really helped me reframe a lot of my weird obsessive concerns in ways that were pragmatic and useful to me
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:17 PM on October 28, 2015
How much contact do you have with your SO?
I've been in an LTR for seven+ years and my guy lives between 1-3 hours away depending where I am. We see each other pretty much every other weekend and most holidays. We try to take vacations together. We email, long blabitybla emails, once or twice a day and text back and forth frequently in-between those times. We chat for a half hour or so before we go to bed. He texts me good morning when he wakes up (I'm always up earlier). If something is going on (I have a conference, he is sick, one of… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:53 AM on October 28, 2015
Oh yeah my SO has an adult son who lives with him which is one of the major reasons we don't live together but I'm also a country mouse and he's a city mouse so we enjoy visiting in each other's spaces but wouldn't want to relocate.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:58 AM on October 28, 2015
I hurt my knees while swimming...is that even possible?
you could put a kick-board between your knees
Depending on the pool, they might have special floaty things that you can hold between your knees which might help this also. I actually got some good suggestions for improving my stroke by watching some YouTube videos on how to move my arms and how to kick, so that might help. If you're doing the usual flutter kick you don't keep your legs completely straight but it's a very different thing from frog… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:31 AM on October 28, 2015
Safe to drink 20 year old bottles of coke?
Previously on AskMe (thread inconclusive)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:06 PM on October 27, 2015
Should a hypochondriac take SSRIs?
it means I can take the medication, which I won't do if I read all the warnings. And if I start to feel weird for any reason, I check in with my buddy to see if what I'm feeling or experiencing matches any serious side effects. And thus far, it never has.
I do something really similar, and I was like this with anxiety meds for a long time. One of the things the doctors rarely tell you is that one of the issues with anxiety medication is… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:54 PM on October 27, 2015
Looking for more "ambient sci-fi"
Non-religious quotes for holiday cards
How to get over my ex-boss "hating" me?
I had a similar "this person hates me" feeling that got worked out recently. I performed a wedding and got (a small) part of it wrong. I wrote the bride a letter afterwards basically wishing her well and apologizing for the mishap. Never heard back. Assumed she hated me, more or less justifiably, and moved on. Didn't think about it except in a "Oh well, that will happen" sort of way. Thirteen months later, I got an email from her basically saying "Oh hey I forgot to write back to you, thanks so… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:19 PM on October 21, 2015 marked best answer