Activity from jessamyn

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What are the best ways to help my mother improve her computer skills?
LYNDA! As people have said. The best thing is to have a task oriented project that's just a little outside of her skill range ("Hey great resume, let's redo it using a template in MS Word...") and then stepping through the useful tutorials to get the steps right. Same with Excel, find a little project, it's really hard to learn spreadsheets without having some sort of task you want to accomplish. My library also had Universal Class which I don't think has stuff specifically about… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:31 PM on October 18, 2017

Swimming for stress and displeasure
just turning it to one side.

Or both sides. I had trouble getting the hang of one sided breathing and it would make my neck feel bad. Now I alternate and breathe out of an alternate side each time. And I intersperse crawl laps with backstroke and kickboard laps. Any workout is better than the one you don't do and the exercise is so good for you!! And also suggesting maybe another instructor. I always act like I'm trying to breathe out of some sort… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:29 PM on October 18, 2017

What is the best way to react when people point out that I am shy?
I am shy but not introverted. When people have pointed out my shyness the response I've been happiest and most comfortable with is to simply agree with them.

Yeah this is me. I am shy around new people but am pretty gregarious in a group of people I know. I am actually getting better about my own shyness because, in my opinion, what people seem to be observing is "You are weirdly quiet, must be a personality thing..." and they make a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:26 PM on October 18, 2017

How much do you chew before swallowing?
Apparently, soft foods should be chewed 5-10 times and tougher foods (meat, raw veggies) should be chewed up to 30 times!

According to who? I mean this article implies it's "according to science" but then doesn't cite any science. Here is some science

- more chewing can decrease meal size, if you have issues with portion control
- chewing more may decrease hunger more
- salivary intake… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:14 PM on October 18, 2017

Neighbor's tree on utilities- no one cares
When you say you've sent messages, does that just mean emails or letters?

Seconding possibly calling if you haven't gone that way, though I presume because you've heard back they have at least acknowledged receiving your communication. My understanding from my area (not CA) is that the utilities should give a shit about this. Possibly a few strategic photographs sent to the local news and/or the cops "This is a hazard and I am concerned about… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:04 PM on October 18, 2017 marked best answer

One Weird Trick to Save Money
I've still got a ways to go before I pay off my debt. What's the one lifestyle change that saved you the most money?

My opinion on your lifestyle doesn't matter. But it sounds like having a goal like "I will pay down this debt in X years" is going to help you figure out how much of what you spend money on is "extravagant" to what your other goals are or not.

So if I were you, I'd look at your debt, look at… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:03 AM on October 17, 2017 marked best answer

Can a house appraiser (US) use local asking prices as comps?
I am on my town's Board of Appeals where people dispute the assessed value of their homes. I spend a lot of times talking with listers, homeowners, and assessors. While sometimes people will look at asking prices if there are literally no other equivalent comps or the market is deadly slow, these are not really considered legitimate measures of value and I wouldn't accept them in a situation like this one. Agree with praemunire, they are often looked at but not considered… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:18 PM on October 16, 2017

Nthing everyone farts. My dad was a big "Fart anytime, don't say anything, even if someone ELSE says something" which I always thought was a little odd, but we grew up without a lot of shame around farting which I think is good. If I fart loudly in public at a time I would have preferred not to, I'll sometimes say "Excuse me" in a minor no-big-deal sort of way. Farting in bathrooms is fine. Farting not around people is mostly fine (maybe not in an elevator). Do the best you… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:34 PM on October 16, 2017

What to do with an MLIS degree?
Since the MLIS is considered a "terminal" degree in the field, I was able to use one to get a job teaching technology classes (how to make a website sort of stuff) at my local community college. I have had a lot of non-library jobs with my MLIS including a lot of contracting, a lot of writing and a lot of public speaking TO librarians about other things of interest to them including technology education and the digital divide.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:55 PM on October 15, 2017
the versatility only comes into play when it turns out they can't get the jobs they'd hoped for, and specifically gotten a degree for.

This can vary. Learning and understanding systems thinking and knowledge organization is useful, and for some employers the fact that you learned it in school (instead of picking it up from people around you or just naturally being like that) can add weight/status. Additionally, just having a Masters is helpful in… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:29 PM on October 16, 2017

Freeloading Husband
this is implies entering a long-term financial agreement, which I can't do for the same reasons why I cannot contribute to the house in the first place (not to mention that this would seem to be opening a legal minefield).

Assuming there are Good Reasons for this, I think your wife's wording is odd but her reasoning is absolutely correct. She is taking on all the liability for this property but purchasing it (again, curious why there is no mortgage… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:53 AM on October 16, 2017

Local fast food
Chow mein sandwiches are a thing in the Fall River area of Massachusetts. Coffee milk is also a thing in that same general area. Don't know if Apple Pie With Cheese counts as esoteric enough, but it's a thing on menus up here in Vermont and here's a Chowhound thread. At one of the local diner places I eat up here, fiddleheads are one of the standard veggies you can get on the side. And as someone who is interested in New England cuisine, I'm always amused by things that sound like they're from… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:30 PM on October 15, 2017

Hope me neti pot correctly
I usually wind up with the saline-down-throat thing if

1. My nostrils are pretty stuffed up already
2. I am not bending forward enough
3. I am pouring too fast

Usually if I am stuffed up generally I try to do it when I am

- just out of a shower
- sometime after the Sudafed has kicked in

I also sometimes stop and blow my nose as I'm doing it to move the loosened… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:06 PM on October 15, 2017

Do I really need to use anything other than water to wash my face?
Pore size is simply a function of aging.

Also genetics. Some people have less visible pores just in general, though everyone's get more visible as they are and their skin gets less elastic. Weight gain and loss, as well as hydration/humidity and stress also have a lot do do with your skin's day to day appearance. I only wash my face with water, do not wear makeup, and wash it with soap in the shower like everything else. I use moisturizer (just… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:35 PM on October 15, 2017

(check your MeMail, I offered you a place to stay but I think I didn't read that you weren't here til the weekend... so ping me to go get a beer or something) Montreal is SUPER doable. I was just there last week and it's basically two hours from Burlington. Strongly suggest going over one of the smaller border crossings though, much easier and people are much friendlier, and take the side route through the islands if you go and don't just do 89 the whole way. There is one toll between Manchester… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:14 PM on October 14, 2017

Help for a caretaker
When you're caretaking, so much of your life revolves around the person who is recovering that you can kind of lose yourself in the process. This is extra hard if you're depressed. If it were me, I might like (in addition to some nifty care packages) maybe a regular check-in where it could, temporarily, be all about her? When I was taking care of my mom, and then her affairs after she died, some friends sent me a nice little food basket, just some standard off the shelf assortment of munchables.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:53 PM on October 13, 2017

I need a poker face by Monday morning.
I work on raising my eyebrows slightly which can change a somewhat negative and dour expression to one that looks a little inquisitive and awake. Takes notes, keep the eyebrows up, count the minutes.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:08 PM on October 13, 2017 marked best answer

Boundaries cont: possible to have a healthy friendship with male friend?
He hasn't mentioned my partner in the invitation yet - but perhaps he will as we get closer to making plans...

This is a good opportunity for you to take an active role in normalizing the "we are JUST friends and have partners" aspect of your relationship. Just ask. "Hey is this an invitation for me-and-partner, or just me? If it's the letter I don't think I can make it." I'd also just, if it were me, decide it's not really your… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:17 PM on October 13, 2017

Why is my breast doing this (kinda gross, TMI)?
I had this! It flipped me out! In my case they just sent me straight to an expensive mammogram (not covered by insurance, fuck all y'all) and then to a breast specialist who said that it was unusual, did not seem to be a problem, "breasts are weird" and to let her know if it didn't go away. It went away. Sometimes you can either get one of those papillomas as you've seen, or otherwise do some small internal bruising thing that comes out as some discharge. I'm not saying it's nothing… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:45 PM on October 12, 2017

i have to stop eating cold tablets
Canada Mints from Necco are exactly what you are looking for.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:16 PM on October 12, 2017 marked best answer

I love you...sober you
I am in an LDR, my boyfriend is a pot smoker and we have these conversations sometimes. Stoned Boyfriend is fine, but a little less of a good boyfriend and I usually wouldn't choose to be around him. We are both pretty nerdy and have a somewhat complicated calculus of how to make this work for us which might not work for everyone (something like only smoking every other day and on band practice nights and not after 9 pm and not when we're together unless we've talked about it).… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:27 PM on October 11, 2017 marked best answer

Help me critique my boyfriend's website please!
[OP no need to reply to each comment. OK to just take what you need and leave the rest.]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:58 PM on October 10, 2017

Ireland on the Web
Buzzfeed covers a lot of Ireland stuff and has staff there. If you want a sort of normal-internet approach to everything. Was also coming here to suggest Facts, it's really funny. You might also want to shift some of your reading to more Irish-oriented. I just finished The Birdwatcher which takes place in Kent but has a large Ireland backstory. Here's the Irish Times talking about the Guardian article on new Irish fiction.

I think if it were me I'd be making a Twitter… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:47 AM on October 10, 2017

How do I deal with a family gathering when I'm depressed?
I am sorry about your mom, that sucks and can't make any of this easier. Taking you at your word that you must go, here are some suggestions

- Don't let the dread colonize your mind. Try to spend some time putting off thinking about it, not dwelling on how horrible it will be. I know this is easier said than done with depression but thinking "Do I want this to be a week of suffering, or a day of suffering?" and try to have it be just the day not everything… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:38 AM on October 10, 2017
So I had to drag myself downstairs, sick as a dog, to receive company.

I have a very loud, emotive, demonstrative "This is how you need to behave or you are dead to us" family. I decided, in some cases, it was okay to be dead to them. This is not a thing you need to work out now or even this year but it may be worth thinking over with your chosen family how much you want to accede to the wishes of people who do not have your health and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:38 AM on October 10, 2017

Belated Thanks; Funeral Version
It doesn't suggest ingratitude, I wouldn't expect a note at all.

My mom died in July. My rule of thumb has been to personally acknowledge everyone who did something "above and beyond" (sent food, money, did chores, whatever) but not to send notes for people who came to the service or who sent cards. Not because I am not grateful but because I am grieving and buried in paperwork and people understand. And sometimes those acknowledgements are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:18 AM on October 8, 2017

To what extent are ''drunk man's actions the sober man's thoughts''?
he is fine on his own anyway.

You should heed his advice to you and leave him on his own. Regardless of his memory or his drinking or the things he said, the lack of concern for the truly shitty way he treated you is the red flag for me. I would not put up with this, my suggestion is that you do not either.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:54 PM on October 6, 2017

That isn't your phone number! It's mine!
Is this just some glitch of those shitty, shady, info-scraping sites?

Unless you receive info to the contrary, yes. What was the site where you found this information? Is it a reputable site? Is there any reason to believe this is anything other than just dodgy info-scraping? Can you remove the erroneous info from the site or report it as incorrect?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:35 AM on October 6, 2017

Has anyone had to deal with obsessive, intrusive ex-girlfriends?
I have a partner with an ex with mental health problems who he does have a (grown) kid with. And he had some bad patterns with her like spending their "anniversary" together even when we were first dating, that sort of thing. I said it wasn't okay. That he needed ot be on Team Us now and that I understood this would be complicated but there needed to be pretty clear lines of "This is how I behave with my partner and this is how I behave with not-my-partner" that I would… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:32 AM on October 2, 2017
The good thing is that I finally got divorced last Friday

This is a seriously buried lede.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:14 PM on October 5, 2017

How do YOU meditate?
. If you find yourself feeling anxious or overwhelmed or angry, do you try to access the calm of meditation by, for example, doing deep breaths? Or do you find that the act of doing meditation regularly simply makes those emotions less likely to arise/take hold, without any additional action on your part?

I meditate every day like it was my job. Either in the morning or at night depending on what's going on, and sometimes both. I started out using… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:28 AM on October 5, 2017 marked best answer

12 or fewer hours of daylight & everything is terrible!
Usually when I wake up I lie in bed a little while and slowly wake up. In the wintertime that seems to take longer, warm bed, cool house. So I turn on the bright overhead light as soon as I am awake. I still lie in bed but not in the dark. Seems to help.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:47 PM on October 3, 2017

am I obligated to respond to this message?
I am not sure how to proceed.

It's okay to talk to your friend. All that weird flirty stuff happened and it happened to you and it's okay to talk about your life. My interpretation is a lot like amtho's: lots of irons in the fire, now he's dating a person, doesn't really know how to turn it off with you because it's now how the two of you get along.

I've been there, it's a weird/bad feeling but it's something that's sort… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:40 AM on October 2, 2017

What normal thing from your childhood would be considered strange today?
Riding in the back of the station wagon without car seats or seat belts.

Same with a pickup truck. Was extra fun during haying season and the back was all filled with hay. Realistically this still happens in rural areas (I think) but not in semi-suburbs the way it used to. We also had an unfixed dog which just wandered around on its own. The leash laws went into effect when I was in high school. He would fight with other dogs, this was somehow normal.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:54 AM on September 29, 2017 marked best answer
I remember doing lots of arts and crafts with the metal tabs that you pulled off the top of soda and beer cans.

Yes, lots of repurposeable consumer stuff, there wasn't as much premade "craft with this" stuff around. And, if you had a pottery class at any point in time, making ashtrays was 100% normal and expected and a lot of people tried to get away with pipes or bongs (which had a tendency to blow up in the kiln said my ceramics teacher)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:49 PM on September 30, 2017 marked best answer

Closest friend lets me down at moment of greatest need - help?
I am sorry things have been so shitty, that sucks. It sounds like you've been pulling back a little from the friendship (for good reasons) and maybe, over time, that has shifted how your friend feels about being the primary person responsible when the shit hits the fan.

My mom died over the summer. it sucked, was not totally unexpected, but that stuff is never easy. Friends have been all over the map from amazing to a little distant. My feeling is that the only person… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:29 PM on September 30, 2017

Personality test you've found useful
My therapist suggested Gretchen Reuben's Four Tendencies. It's a little woo (and it's sort of her "thing") but it did help explicate a conflict my partner and I were getting into, about how we respond to expectations. So it's not like "Oh this test really knows me" as much as "Oh this quiz helped highlight a weird difference my partner and I had which was previously sort of confusing and now it is much less confusing."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:26 PM on September 29, 2017

What are you thinking as you drift off to sleep?
What do you think about for those 5 to 10 minutes before you fall asleep?

Mostly how I would kill to fall asleep in anything like 5-10 minutes!

For me, I have to STOP thinking to be able to sleep but I can't actively think about not thinking, because that's thinking and awakemaking. I do a lot of meditative stuff, usually the thing that is the most effective is either counting my breaths (get to ten, start over at 1) or… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:22 PM on September 29, 2017

How will a bathroom door w/translucent opaque glass affect resale value?
I love the idea for all the reasons you mention. Just keep the old door if you think people might mind.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:47 AM on September 29, 2017
Occurs to me that one of the reasons I may think this is such a good idea is I HAVE THIS (somehow I forgot). My bathroom door is one with clear/frosted panels on the top 2/3 and not the bottom 1/3. I know this is not the type of door you are asking about, but also might be a decent compromise position.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:20 AM on September 29, 2017 marked best answer

Articles Examining Racism and Transphobia in Movies
I found a lot of really good discussions of this when Cloud Atlas was around. Since then we've seen a few actors notably talking about racial prejudice in tv and movies, notably Ed Skrein's recent decision to not be in Hellboy (more discussion).

Also if it were me, and only since you asked, I'd be working more from a Your Fave is Problematic perspective and talk about how it's not that we necessarily feel that a tv/movie/entertainment business that is a product of a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:03 AM on September 29, 2017

Talking to people without being That Person
I am a cis male intent on avoiding male gaze/creepiness, so I tend to tread very lightly on approaching strange women for conversation.

This is a very good point. Be mindful of the context of whatever specific conversational space you are in, whether it's gender, power dynamics, timeframe (are you waiting in line and killing time? is the other person done with their transaction and waiting to leave?)

I often will make small… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:49 AM on September 28, 2017 marked best answer

Do you not accept... cash?
Why would a doctor refuse immediate payment?

This doctor isn't refusing payment, they are refusing uninsured patients. They may literally not have a price set for a procedure outside of the price insurance sets or they may not have a mechanism for collecting payment if the credit card you have in hand somehow does not pay for the procedure that you're receiving. You say "cash" but you're not actually talking about cash. They may not be… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:40 AM on September 28, 2017

Because there is no handbook for the loss of a parent
I am so sorry. I lost my mother earlier this year and, like your stepfather, it was after a long illness that rapidly progressed. It's hard to feel ready and also not ready. We managed the Life Celebration for my mom, my sister and I. I was happy not to have to write a eulogy. Instead we read some letters my mother had written from a file folder we found in her office labelled BITCHY LETTERS. They were the sort of loving-but-firm letters of complaint that typified her well. We were able to feel… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:08 AM on September 28, 2017

Distract me from my dripping sweat.
You might like Angie Tribeca which is sort of a lulzy cop show (think Airplane! or Police Squad but for modern day cops) with a lot of good visual humor but it's also easy to dip in and out of. I use my iPad on the treadmill/bike and I also liked some of your picks (community, Parks and Rec) How do you feel about something a little more hate watchy like House of Cards?

Other options: seconding Brooklyn 99, maybe Trailer Park Boys (many episodes, drugs stuff but very… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:30 AM on September 27, 2017

How do you phrase a headstone to say "We Love You"?
If I saw a headstone with "Husband, Son, Brother, Friend" I would think lots of people loved him, full stop.

Likewise. I've spent a lot of time in cemeteries lately and I always love this phrasing. I think "he loved and was loved" when I read it. I am sorry for your loss.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:38 PM on September 26, 2017 marked best answer

Departures from Midway
Yeah I would be a little less accommodating in my email. Your suggestion:

"Thanks, but [company] is 30-45 minutes from Midway Airport, and I assume longer with rush hour; I'm having trouble understanding how I can get from [company] to the airport and through security before the boarding doors close at 4:45. I don't mean to be difficult, but I do want to make the flight!"

My… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:28 PM on September 26, 2017

In search of songs with timeline / stories split by chorus. Suggestions?
Beeswing and 1952 Vincent Black Lighting by Richard Thompson. (a lot of his stuff actually)
Best Ever Death Metal Band out of Denton by The Mountain Goats
King Henry and John Barleycorn by Steeleye Span
Most murder ballads.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:24 PM on September 25, 2017
Not all as well known but good examples of the genre:

Last Dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty
Ballad of Josie and Ed by Bow Thayer
Four Blue Walls by The Mammals
Rubin and Cherise by the Jerry Garcia Band
Silver by Nirvana
Transistor Radio by Cloud Cult
I and Love and You by the Avett Brothers
Furr by Blitzen Trapper
Jack and Diane John Cougar Mellencamp
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:38 AM on September 26, 2017

Only kind of put your load right on me.
I'm being unsupportive because I'm basically saying "don't discuss your genuinely-felt emotions with me," which isn't okay.

Also here to say "No, this is okay" And it's tough, right, because if your spouse was genuinely neurotypical (or more normative) then yes, you should be there to discuss their emotions with them. However, they are not. And they are taking up a disproportionate amount of emotional energy of TEAM US because of… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:59 AM on September 25, 2017

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