Activity from jessamyn

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Cereal with unrefined sugar
How do you feel about barley malt? Uncle Sam cereals are more about fiber but the only sweetener is that. Stuff like this isn't sweetened at all (and sort of tastes like the box it comes in) but I assume that is not what you are looking for? This stuff tastes better (and also has zero sugar). Puffins actually taste slightly sweetened and are sweetened with molasses but there is some dispute about exactly what that means. If organic dried cane syrup is okay, there are also cereals like Kashi's… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:56 PM on March 21, 2017

Can certain words at work get you in trouble?
Your coworker is likely wrong. This does depend somewhat on your workplace, but not much. That said, whether your coworker is suffering from a mental illness is a more up-in-the-air issue and people have similar concerns about throwing around the word "crazy". One of the things about language policing generally is that there have to be some norms established. The norms on MetaFilter will not be the same as the norms for an elementary school. This is entirely dependent on where you work.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 4:58 PM on March 20, 2017

To invite or not to invite, that is the question
But that feels like doubling down on making it an issue, plus it's a lot of work.

If it's a "They can NEVER come" to a casual thing, then I'd not put them on an invite list, tell them the one time that you're thinking of them as a friendly FYI and think about whether you want to try having inclusive events that they can come to. But really an open-door sort of event that is a) public and b) clearly indicates "Hey feel free… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:30 PM on March 20, 2017

Does a joke about a friend's devotion to Obama count as "Politics"
it seems besides the point as me bringing it up was just a light-hearted comment on a friend's idiosyncrasies. Does even this count as "talking about politics" (so, traditionally considered a bad topic of conversation) or did I run into a hyper-partisan or hyper-sensitive child?

It's possible the answer is both. That said, if you did this to me, I would stop talking to you at the BBQ. Many Obama supporters specifically feel shitty lately.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:25 AM on March 20, 2017

what's the half-life of rat shit in a musty garage, and should I care?
Is it safe and sufficient to simply wear an airmask and sweep them off and away with a brush and dustpan?

Yes. Wear gloves and carry a bleach and water solution with you like kinddieserzeit's link suggests. Avoid the vacuum if you can at least with the first pass of stuff. Try to repackage anything in cardboard boxes into something that isn't soaked in rat piss. Wipe down or clean furniture. Try to do this in a well-ventilated area. Risks are low… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:06 AM on March 20, 2017

Nook HDplus - how to transfer files?
So you can see the Nook on your desktop but if you try to drag a file in to it, what happens? Have you tried right-clicking on it, going in to Get Info and checking "Sharing and permissions" to make sure it's not somehow locked?

The Nook only works via MTP (a special way to transfer files) and I'm not sure if that works with Callibre. If so, then you are set for books, it's a nice application. If not, you have to get MTP drivers on your machine. You could do… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:15 PM on March 19, 2017

How to deal with emotional labor inequity in relationships with males?
My feeling is that while the emotional labor concept is a useful construct for understanding the larger world, the only time it's super useful when in active conversation with someone is when you are talking with a partner or someone you have a strong reciprocal relationship with. So it's fine to tell a partner "You're not supporting me and I feel you're making me do the work here" but it's less okay to talk to a casual friend this way because that's sort of more like partner-talk.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:31 PM on March 19, 2017

Sanity checking my tax returns
Sort of depends why you think this needs to happen? Worst case scenario if you missed something not in your favor is you get a letter from the IRS or state tax people (I have gotten both) and you need to, at that point, pay them what you owe. There are sometimes late fees and penalties. My calculations would be whether those late fees and penalties you are likely to accrue IF there is a mistake would be worth paying a CPA preventatively to track them down. Because if there's a mistake, you'll… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:30 AM on March 19, 2017 marked best answer

Anxiety at work: how to be a better manager to my anxious team members?
People have given you a lot of specific things and the overarching answer of "Ask your staff" is useful though not everyone wants to have a conversation about their anxiety or maybe even knows they have it. I worked for an anxious boss for YEARS who had untreated issues and it was hell for everyone in a few ways

- him having to be cornered into making a decision when only the boss could make it
- if we had to make a decision in his absence, changing… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:11 AM on March 19, 2017 marked best answer

Who makes (legal) money from marijuana legalization?
I very much enjoyed reading Cannabiz: The Explosive Rise of the Medical Marijuana Industry by John Geluardi which addresses this topic in depth. It's a pro-legalize-it book about the major economic growth that is opened up by legalization including not just what people are saying above but regulators and legislators who help people navigate the state-legal-federal-illegal status of weed nowadays. It's a really interesting look at how there are huge business opportunities for people who aren't… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:56 AM on March 19, 2017

Photo management for the computer challenged
Oh man I feel you, this is super challenging. I think I would suggest two things

1. Seeing if she still has Picasa and wants to use it. It sort of doesn't matter if it's no longer supported, in my opinion.
2. In order to do that, getting something with screen share capability (Skype? Other stuff) so you can see what she is talking about

Your mom may or may not fully understand that Picasa is just a thing that puts an organizational… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:09 AM on March 18, 2017 marked best answer

New fridge blues - plus apparently I have dog hearing
Not sure if this is helpful to the discussion but I had a new fridge with a weird noise issue (different one than yours) and I just called the people who delivered it who sent out a guy who ... tried some things and said that usually people get used to a new fridge after a few weeks.

What I said was "I just purchased this new fridge and it's making a noise that is bothering me (described noise) and I've tried all the things that I can think of and the noise is a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:11 AM on March 18, 2017 marked best answer

How do I respond to this email?
The thing is, it's a waste of time for her to craft some personalized email about stuff you can find through a google search. I genuinely think her response was appropriate and it was your expectations that were out of line.

She could have been more polite but yes, I agree with this. I am a subject specialist with several decades of experience in a topic and I get many emails a week for people asking for help with issues in that topic, from students… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:15 AM on March 16, 2017 marked best answer

Why do I suck so much at self-care and positivity?
I'd like to support your perception that "I am safe" is not a good affirmation because it is not actually true. None of us knows if we are safe.

I agree, it sounds like it might be more helpful for you to focus on things that are a little more provable and a little less trigger-y. I have been doing a lot of DBTish stuff and it's been helpful. I was mostly neglected and emotionally harassed, so I'm overcoming and working through different… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:16 PM on March 12, 2017 marked best answer
One of the things, along these lines that was helpful for me with recrimination was realizing that in a non-abusive environment, bad things can happen without some worse thing happening. So like... when I was a kid you'd break a glass or something and one parent or another would FLIP OUT; at the very least you'd get yelled at or get in trouble (my poor high strung stupid parents, they sucked and were probably, sadly, doing the best they could). However in grownupland where you are the only… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:14 PM on March 15, 2017 marked best answer

How best to help someone die?
What's the name for that idea, of "comfort in, dump out?"

The Silk Ring Theory, yep. I assume you've seen it, but the thing that I think a lot of people sometimes miss is that they can help the entire situation by moderating their own stress levels. So, obviously, be there for your friend. Care for her, comfort her, make sure she knows her people are well cared for and she will be favorably remembered, whatever is appropriate. But also try… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:17 PM on March 14, 2017

How to follow up on a purchase and not be a jerk?
It is completely appropriate of you to wonder what is up. That said, this can be a normal internet-person response for a variety of reasons ranging from fuckups to life stuff going on to mental health issues. Think what you would like to get out of this...

- your art piece
- your money back
- a status update
- the assurance that this artist is okay

And then work from there towards that. I usually up the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:02 PM on March 14, 2017 marked best answer

Going to rehab. How to tell my landlady I'll be incommunicado till May?
Friends are staying over to watch my place and feed my cats.

I think something vague like this is good. "Friends will be in and out looking after the space and my cats" and then maybe give her contact information for more than one of them including something like "For an emergency, contact this person" which indicates, to me, that you really will truly be unreachable. This spreads around the responsibility,… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:29 AM on March 14, 2017

Seeking out kindness and reassurance
Some of it depends on where you are in your life already. I think a lot of people get some casual approval (when they're not in a great place) from social media interactions. There are, often, some places that are just for that sort of thing where you're in a support group where part of the goal is just "Hey nice going!"or "I like what you did there" (I think of Flickr or Instagram when you take a nice photo, or maybe telling a positive story in a Facebook group full of like… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:36 PM on March 13, 2017

Would noise cancelling headphones help me?
I've got low level anxiety that a noise is coming. I've mostly given up trying to read novels when he's in the room.

Hey this is us! I'm a low-level anxious person with a fierce startle reflex and my guy is a noise machine with post-nasal drip and allergies (think: sneezing and nose blowing) so some of this stuff is stuff he really can't help. However, some of it is. And this is part of it, for me. You deserve to have time when the two of you are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:22 PM on March 13, 2017 marked best answer

Help finding lost dog in unfamiliar rural area
There's a specific "[Area] Lost Pets," but people are tolerant about posts on area for-sale groups and the like too.

Yep. In my rural area there is a Lost Pets of the Upper Valley that covers ten towns and is watched very closely by a lot of local pet enthusiasts. Try to find those boards (vets will know about them) and then watch for follow-ups of you can. The local library might have good ideas even if it's dozens of miles away.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:37 AM on March 13, 2017
DOUGLAS YOU SCAMP!!! I am very happy for you all.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:53 AM on March 13, 2017

Any trouble at the border?
White US citizen. Went to Canada twice last month (once by plane and once by car, once for work, once for fun) and answered the routine questions (which did include where I lived and where I was staying) both times. No issues.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:41 AM on March 13, 2017

Restaurant Lost Our Debit Card
they needed to do more to help us figure out what happened - is the card here, is it gone, what? Plus, we wanted a written assurance that the restaurant would be liable for any charges to the card between when it was taken from us and when we cancelled.

I feel like the restaurant has a pretty limited ability in these situations. It's clear that they didn't quite know what happened but that the end result was that your card was gone. That sucks. In… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:34 AM on March 13, 2017

Obscure, beautiful words
One I like is susurrus which is a whispering murmuring sound. You can probably pick and two of the words on these lists and google them to find other lists!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 12:45 PM on March 12, 2017

Worried about my car insurance...
I have done this! Or something close to this. Parking garages, amirite?! Basically what other people said: while your insurance company will make a big deal about "Tell us everything you do in your car!" realistically they are most concerned with things that cost them money. And this is something that just cost you money. You weren't drunk or doing anything dangerous, it was a legit mistake and did not cost them a thing. As spitbull says, you are entitled to see the report, if there is… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:42 AM on March 12, 2017

How do people in cities without public transit get home after drinking?
That seems like a pretty big inconvenience for a night out...

I live in a rural area, there is no public transportation at all. And no cabs. A lot of people don't go out drinking as much during the week. So you go out on the weekend and either

- designate a driver (me and my friends do this, it's not that hard)
- leave a car and get it later. You have a friend give you a ride and everyone goes out to brunch or… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:38 PM on March 11, 2017

App that controls a child's phone use?
Parental controls, to the best of my knowledge, doesn't let you have time-bracketed access controls. This article gives you an overview of some of the things you can do with parental controls. So if the things your child wants to do includes the internet, you can do that (and your wireless provider may have additional controls available, worth calling them). If it involves web browsing, you can do that. If she just wants to play a locally non-networked game, you can't really do that. There are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:30 AM on March 11, 2017 marked best answer

How to pay someone back when they are unwilling
For some people $25 is not that big a deal and maybe she'd already forgotten about it?

Alternatively maybe she was annoyed that you offered to pay half of something and then didn't have the money for it? (I mean people differ on how much they feel to inconvenience a shopkeeper vs. the person they are with. I would have done it your way but not everyone would) or maybe she lives a cash-free existence and what was she going to do with the cash?

I… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:15 PM on March 10, 2017 marked best answer

Hipster Bib Aprons, But Without The Hipster Prices
I'd be starting at a restaurant place and looking at something that is high-end for a mass reailer but might work for you? So like this page of white bib aprons. The top stuff is basically disposable stuff but as you scroll down you get more interesting options. Possibly still too dull but the price is right for what you are looking for.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:41 PM on March 10, 2017 marked best answer

Help me not give advice and instead be a supportive loving friend.
However, most of the conversations with friends is listening to their frustrations around parenting, marriage, job, etc.

For me it was helpful to understand which sorts of venting conversations were a friend letting off steam because they were dealing with a rough patch of stuff in an otherwise okay life, and which were friend venting because they had poor coping skills, untreated mental illnesses, or other issues that were going to make this… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:06 PM on March 10, 2017

Burlington VT, Lake Placid, Luge in that order.
I have no luge advice but I do live an hour or so outside of Burlington. Some of this depends on what you like. You really can't go wrong with the Penny Kluse Cafe. It's busy on weekends but a little more reasonable on weekdays. I'm partial to the Parkway Diner in South Burlington (i.e. near the airport) but that's mostly because I really like old railcar diners.

For hotels you've got a really wide range from the newly redone Hotel Vermont which is fancy and has prices… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:10 AM on March 9, 2017

Has the common thinking around race changed over the last 10-15 years?
So people would think that I am going down the road of "colorblindness" if I say that my children should not think about race but ethnic differences? That certain ethnic groups have privileges, have oppressed others, etc.

I think they would wonder why you weren't just talking about race. This is both because of the reasons andrewesque mentions above but also because the people who often say "you shouldn't think about race" are the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:06 AM on March 9, 2017

It's more than Murphy's Law...
My friend has an occasional mailing list where he writes one of these up every few days. It's called Laws of the Universe. You can look through the archives.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:23 PM on March 8, 2017

Daily call and/or "fallen and can't get up" system for senior
My mom lives alone in a smallish town and this is a service that the police provide for her. Might be worth checking to see about that in her area.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 3:21 PM on March 8, 2017

Booking a Flight on short notice (funeral)
Sorry for your loss. If it's helpful... Jet Blue won't stick you on a teeny commuter flight (all their planes are big) so even if they cost a bit more money they would be worth booking and they have some flights out of Rutland which is an easier airport to manage than BTV if you don't mind getting up early. They connect in BOS which you could also Dartmouth Coach to and fly direct (adds $60-ish to the cost but you have a direct flight). I'd add that on to your "to consider" list.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 9:53 AM on March 8, 2017

Beautiful Sounding Spoken Word
Coming here to say Ken Nordine :)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 5:04 AM on March 7, 2017 marked best answer

I need advice on how to advertise a book
Is the friend somewhere where they could actually make money doing speaking gigs for people who are interested in this specific thing? Are they interested in that? Do they want to do anything personally w/r/t this project? What do they want out of this? A few suggestions

- change the website to indicate if they do speaking stuff, add an excerpt, maybe an FAQ about the event generally. Make sure the main page has a prominent BUY button
- go through the book to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:00 PM on March 5, 2017
I know how to send a press release, but I'm not sure who I should be emailing if I want to reach libraries. Are there specific organizations that I should be sending a press release to?

Your state library association and any library associations in states affected by $ISSUE. They all have mailing lists. Ours, in Vermont, is an open list that anyone can subscribe to, for example. If the goal is not to make money you could offer free downloads. There… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 2:00 PM on March 6, 2017

Attack of the Crab Monster
I am irritable, not - she is irritating

Yes! I have done a lot better lately at managing my irritation and this is what helped.

- When I'm having that 'bitch eating crackers' thing, asking myself "What are you afraid of?" Now, I'm not technically afraid of stuff usually, but usually there's some low-level anxiety that is not helping things and sometimes I can hone in on it
- the usual HALT (asking… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:57 PM on March 5, 2017

Do I help my best friend face her demons, or burn my bridges with her?
is it time for me to accept that I cannot help her and, for my own health and sanity, burn my bridges with her? Part of me thinks that if I do, she will finally learn that she needs help.

My father was an alcoholic until he died and my general thing with him was that I loved him and I understood that he had a problem. So the time I spent with him was when he was sober or soberish and I would leave when he started drinking which started about 5 pm… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:06 AM on March 5, 2017

How is the public transit in Seattle?
I was a no car owner in Seattle for a long time. It was a non-issue for everything but getting to the airport. I lived there for about a decade, before the light rail went in, so the airport is less of a thing now. Only thing about Shoreline (I worked there while living in the U District) is that the transportation can be more spaced out particularly on nights and weekends. They have a good website with trip planner so you can actually plan out some routes. Also unlike other big cities, it… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:59 AM on March 5, 2017 marked best answer

Airbnb welcome, part 2
(possibly to Jessamyn).


I love the mail and I love this idea. I think the only thing I might suggest is having some stamp options in case people might be mailing postcards internationally. I am on the late side of 40. I am traveling today and I bought postcards to send home.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 7:42 PM on March 4, 2017

iPhone 5 app for tracking sleep/awake hours?
I assume you know what the times are and you just need to track them? That is, you don't need a thing to tell you "You are asleep now. You were restless for an hour. Then you went back to sleep." based on your movements? If so, then you can use the CBTi Coach app. It's pretty barebones but the whole point is to track this sort of thing so you can get an overall idea of how much you are sleeping. It's made by the US VA to help veterans with sleep issues. It has some coaching stuff built… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:33 AM on March 3, 2017

Dawn-thirty flight from Logan, when should I get there?
Agree with what every single person has said, airport security early on a Saturday is not that big a deal. And if you don't happen to be a frequent Logan traveler note that: wifi is free, there is an airport chapel (very nice and quiet, I am not religious but I appreciate quiet places in airports) at the Arrivals level of Terminal C in case you wind up early despite yourself.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:56 PM on March 2, 2017

Friend's attitude toward trans people - how should I react?
I am sure, based on past conversations, that she would feel that it was childish and weak not to be willing to argue this out for once and for all before downscaling the friendship.

So what! You don't even like her that much! At some level you seem to be letting her feelings of "how to do friendship" overrule your own (legitimate! acceptable! understandable!) feelings. I think my feeling on the "notification" thing is that you… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 1:52 PM on March 2, 2017

Now defunct online-research community for pay
I used to work for Google Answers! And I don't think the people from there went anywhere in specific. And I agree with ernielundquist it was basically a setup for entitled users/askers a lot of the time and, with very little oversight by the people who ran it (I literally never knew the NAME of a person I worked for, they were just The Editors), just turned into a Mechanical Turk sort of place and wasn't that fun. I wrote a few things about my experience working there, once when I started and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:51 AM on March 1, 2017

Little blue check needed
You get 500 characters. I said that I am a woman on the internet which seemed to help? Explaining that you are frequently confused with other people might help. Saying that people try to impersonate you might help. Saying that you are harassed might help. Also note that you have to give a real name and phone number in most cases to get verified which is a dealbreaker for some people.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:15 PM on February 28, 2017

Documentaries for social justice
I used to go to the VT International Film Festival which had a social justice component to it. I wrote up reviews of a lot of the movies I saw. Not all timely (most not timely at all) but maybe one of them sparks something?

Some of the PBS and Frontline documentaries are very good at this sort of thing. I liked this one about sex trafficking and Razing Appalachia and Fenceline: a Town Divided. There's also The Ships Are Full about Jewish Children fleeing Hitler's Germany.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 10:23 AM on February 28, 2017

Help me diversify my lunch salads...
Bottom: spinach
Top: roasted corn, black beans, roasted red peppers
dressing: chipotle something

Bottom: spinach
Top: strawberries, walnuts, goat cheese
Dressing: balsamic something

Bottom: mixed greens
Top: Roasted chicken, sliced toasted almonds, chunked cucumbers
Dressing: light ranch

Bottom: romaine
Top: Roasted chicken, parmesan shavings, sunflower hearts
Dressing: ceasar

Bottom: Spinach
Top: steamed chicken, sesame noodles, carrot shreds
Dressing: ginger vinaigrette
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:45 AM on February 28, 2017

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