A criminal suspect who is in custody of police is under tremendous pressure. It's very easy, as a person who never gets in legal trouble and thus has no first-hand experience as a suspect, to talk about how "stupid" suspects are and how this stupidity leads them to speak to the police without a lawyer. But in fact, the pressure that leads criminal suspects to speak without a lawyer would have the same effect on lots of otherwise savvy and educated people.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 8:18 PM on July 23, 2008

A Fine Balance, by Rohinton Mistry.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 3:46 PM on July 23, 2008

I have long suspected that tailgating is a symptom of the competitive attitude some infantile drivers have while driving, drivers who seem to think, "I am not moving unless I am passing people." That is, if they are moving with the flow of traffic, and not passing others, these idiots think they are stationary. They appear to be incapable realizing that although their car is keeping pace with the other vehicles, they are all traveling at 75 miles an hour, so will... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 3:33 PM on July 23, 2008

(especially in the case of a journal, which you might be apt to bring along with you - and run the risk of misplacing it)


Rule #1 of keeping a diary is that you don't carry it outside the room where you write in it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 6:47 PM on July 22, 2008

Of course, there's always the Samuel Pepys method, which is to invent a secret code to write your diary in.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 6:48 PM on July 22, 2008

If dogs are as important to you as they are to me and my wife, I cannot fathom why you are even giving this guy enough of a chance to write an AskMe question about him. He does not sound salvageable as a mate.

I know that there are people like him, and I am not saying he is a "bad person" in any universal, objective sense. But he is a bad person for a relationship with a dog lover. Furthermore, he lacks empathy in failing to understand why dogs are so... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 2:10 PM on July 22, 2008

I think he's missing something that would make him a terrible partner.

That sounds weird. I mean, "He's missing something, without which he will be a terrible partner."
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 2:10 PM on July 22, 2008

I'm moving away so it's not like I'm in a serious enough relationship that there is a need to DTMFA over this.

I missed this.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 2:43 PM on July 22, 2008

Strip framing ... yes, that's exactly what I am talking about! I'm glad to know it's so simple. Thanks; I have actually been wondering about this for years!
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 7:06 PM on July 21, 2008

Here are a couple of abstracts that sound like they provide support for the proposition that tattoos are becoming more prevalent:

College students and tattoos. Influence of image, identity, family, and friends

Body Adornment: Piercings and Tattoos
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 3:49 PM on July 21, 2008

I believe that I’m worth more than my current salary, and assume that they would expect some negotiation during my hour-long review tomorrow.

For employers that exploit new hires with low pay and long hours, part of the "deal" as I see it is that they know you will likely take any betters offers you receive. If I were paying a professional $35,000, I would expect them to jump at the first good offer that came along. They can't expect to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 1:21 PM on July 21, 2008

I have gotten a lot of things framed at Michael's because I live near one. I frankly think their framing business is a scam, because they always give 50% off their "everyday price," a practice that I am pretty sure runs afoul of my state's consumer protection law. (In my state, it is unlawful to pretend that you are running a sale when, in fact, every customer gets the same deal.)

Based on my experience, $400 is very high for the size of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 9:18 PM on July 19, 2008 marked best answer

a (probable win) appeal to the US Supreme Court

If it is the U.S. Supreme Court your friend is talking about, keep in mind that few people in the U.S. would have the expertise to predict with any confidence which cases the court will agree to hear, much less which cases are likely to be winners.

The Supreme Court refuses to review lots of cases that are potentially meritorious. I.e., you may have legions unbiased lawyers who... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 1:23 PM on July 17, 2008

The fact that you are resorting to AskMe for suggestions on finding an appellate lawyer suggests to me that she has been pro se so far ... i.e., she represented herself. If she had attorneys already, surely her attorneys would be assisting her with finding appellate counsel.

So, two important questions:

*Did she represent herself at the trial and state supreme court level?

If she represented herself, my thought is... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 9:33 PM on July 17, 2008

Supreme Court lawyers don't come cheap.

I have been under the impression that if you have a case that is granted cert, qualified lawyers will fight for the chance to brief and argue the case for free. The prestige of arguing a case before the Court --- and the boost to lawyers' existing practices --- is worth it. I think I recall hearing about an appeal filed by a criminal defendant in which the Supreme Court granted cert, and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 1:35 PM on July 19, 2008

Life's too short for bad books.

I agree with this, but at the same time, the question of what constitutes a "bad book" is fraught with philosophical difficulties. In fact, I question whether there is such a thing as a "bad book." Here are some types of books that might be referred to as bad books.

-- Books, fiction or nonfiction, that are poorly written.

-- Books of fiction that... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 10:47 AM on July 19, 2008

of course I know the right answer, but I am too much of a coward for that.

I think you are really underestimating the harm that you are about to cause this woman. Do you realize what an assault you will be committing on her very dignity as a person, to walk down the aisle wishing to God you weren't marrying her, but you're too cowardly to call it off?

I don't know your fiance, but I know that everyone deserves to get married... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 8:06 PM on July 14, 2008

This question is haunting me more than any AskMe question in recent memory. The reason it has gotten so under my skin is that you seem to be on the verge of destroying your fiance's life because you are too passive and "polite" not to. Do you realize how screwed up that is?

What bothers me so much is that you are about to go through a wedding ceremony, an event that many people consider almost sacred in its importance, and hope to remember as the highlight of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 10:01 PM on July 15, 2008

I agree with xammerboy. Everything except the salon and the sheets is reasonable. If you're too broke to afford the reasonable obligations, tell her now, so she can find someone else.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 9:42 PM on July 15, 2008

how do I find someone to represent me for a reasonable fee?

If you are, in fact, someone being investigated for insider trading, shift your focus from "how do I find someone to represent me for a reasonable fee?" to "how do I find the right attorney to represent me?" The right attorney generally means knowledgeable, experienced, etc. And those things don't come at what the ordinary person considers a "reasonable fee.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 4:59 PM on July 14, 2008

I don't know ... I have read bits of Covey's book and came to the conclusion that if you had the discipline to make Covey's suggestions work for you, you wouldn't have needed Covey's book in the first place.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 1:04 PM on July 12, 2008

Whoops, forgot to add the part of my response that addressed your actual question.

I think it is certainly possible to make "principle-centered living" work for you, but it depends upon a certain strength of will (or resolve) that not everyone has. In every field there are people whose ethical rectitude distinguishes them. But a key to being able to abide by principle-centered living is to live and work in a realm where it is possible to be principled. For... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 1:16 PM on July 12, 2008

The idea that the other side's use of unethical tactics would justify one's own adoption of them doesn't hold water with me, but I may be too ethical for my own good ;-)

I understand this. The reason I mentioned criminal defense specifically, is that abiding by deeply-held principles of ethics (when the other side doesn't) could be detrimental to your client in a way that could cost years of liberty, rather than (in a civil case) just costing a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 3:56 PM on July 13, 2008

To get work done in my former career (writer/editor) the best voice-silencer was a deadline. I did my best (only, really) writing/creative work when under a time crunch, because there wasn't time for self-doubt.

Very true. I was on my university's student newspaper staff in college, and had an interesting conversation once with an editor for my city's daily newspaper. We both had stories about completely trivial articles, on subjects we didn't... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 1:29 PM on July 13, 2008

I am a bit of a chair fanatic and own many books on the topic.

Until your comment, it had never occurred to me that there were "chair fanatics." Interesting.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 12:34 PM on July 13, 2008

I'm not sure what a third party can do if the bank is intransigent.

Good intuition. This loan negotiation service sounds very much like a business enterprise that is preying on the desperate to turn some fast cash. They're promising to "try" --- I'm sure they send a letter or something --- but if it doesn't work, your friend is out the money. Too bad, so sad.

See Scam #3 here (oddly, that site looks pretty scammy... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 6:24 PM on July 12, 2008

Why don't you tell us the name of the company she's found to renegotiate her mortgage?

After all, if they're legit, they certainly won't mind the publicity and scrutiny.

If they're a scam, the army of Mefites reading this question will inevitably figure it out.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 6:26 PM on July 12, 2008

Testaments Betrayed, by Milan Kundera, addresses the Kafka question. IIRC, Kundera thought that what Brod did to Kafka was abominable.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 10:32 AM on July 12, 2008

I find it unthinkable that they would not accept money from you, in any form.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 9:51 AM on July 12, 2008

This doesn't sound like a problem, to me. If he's eating treats and cooked meat, that would seem to rule out lack of appetite.

My dogs are definitely healthy sized, and they don't eat much. Recently I became worried that my oldest pug (who is a bit overweightdidn't ever seem interested in his meals. I cut his serving sizes, and now he gobbles up his food as soon as I serve it.

So, perhaps cut your dog's meal sizes. It sounds like you may be... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 7:45 PM on July 11, 2008

Let me get this straight. Grippycat was in a relationship with an abuser who told her to go to the gym, get lipo, work out while still recovering from lipo, and asks us for help in "pulling it together" so she doesn't feel ugly and inadequate.

And paulsc responds with the following suggestions:

to look at yourself realistically, and do what is necessary, nutritionally and in terms of activity, to get and remain fit, without creating... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 5:22 PM on July 10, 2008

Just reading between the lines of your post, it sounds like your kids are walking all over you, taking advantage of the time that you are work to run wild, slipping off with rich friends to smoke weed and god knows what else.

Is there any way you can take a "shock and awe" approach with them? I.e., grounding them, withdrawing privileges, taking phone and computer time away from them, etc., and gradually restoring those privileges as they start shaping up?... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 8:36 PM on July 8, 2008

You are telling them that you have ceeded authority over their behavior to someone else. You'll never get them to do anything again.

No, I disagree with this. Willingness to call the police will be an unequivocal statement that you are a parent who doesn't take shit from unmotivated, pot-smoking brats.

Plato thought children should be raised by the state because children don't fear their parents. These children don't fear... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 10:12 PM on July 8, 2008

Absolutely do not get the cops involved. Absolutely do not try to intimidate/force your kids to "behave" .... Both of these tactics are pathetic and do not treat your children with the respect they deserve. Using either of these tactics will rightfully cause deep resentment and distrust of you in the future. Your kids' problem probably isn't pot ...

Why is it so hard to accept that the parent is in charge? I can't believe you are opposed... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 9:32 PM on July 9, 2008

When I was a teen, I heard a joke somewhere (I can't remember if it was a movie or a comedian) along these lines:

"My dick was so hard I had to stand on my hands to take a piss."

That joke has followed me through life as the sole authority that most men's dicks stand erect in an upward-facing d'erection.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 4:56 PM on July 9, 2008

I put together an academic website about seven years ago, for a very niche academic subject. I wanted academics to know about the site, so I did two things:

(a) I contacted a bunch of academics (in fields related to the subject of my website) who had similar links on their own personal websites, and asked them to link to my site. A bunch of them obliged.

(b) I sent out about a hundred paper postcards with information about the opening of my... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 10:49 PM on July 7, 2008

I had a little epiphany today, that I think we live in such an advertising-saturated, message-driven culture that it's forcing people to feel that they must be "one solid thing" or have a personality that can be summed up or described neatly or succinctly.

I think that you are approaching this question all wrong --- I think you're seeing your genuine human complexity as a problem, when it's actually a strength. The market-driven, flash-in-the-pan culture we... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 10:41 PM on July 7, 2008

We ended up going to Mastro's. Not in Woodland Hills, but it was worth the drive.

Thanks for all the suggestions!
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 8:42 PM on July 7, 2008

Even if you agree to binding arbitration a good lawyer can usually figure an angle where the circumstances warrant consideration from the court.

This is an irresponsible assertion. You're basically advising people to agree to binding arbitration on the assumption that a "good lawyer" will "usually" be able to get them out of it.

That's wrong, and really, really stupid.

Have you... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 8:17 PM on July 7, 2008

Pardon my bluntness, but James is as queer as a three-dollar bill, he just hasn't admitted it. Straight guys don't do a "lot of leg rubbing" and stripping the shirt off of male friends during "rough-housing," nor do they muse about how they'd like to see their friends' muscles bulked up after weight-training. Who knows why he is denying being queer ... but clearly he is not straight. Perhaps he is not attracted to you.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 7:59 PM on July 7, 2008

The man's conduct is absurd.

Hang up.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 7:35 PM on July 7, 2008

I was about to post a comment here saying, "But no one has adequately explained what that long, stringy, yellowish stuff is that comes out of your ass after you cleanse your colon. Surely that stuff pouring out of your ass means that your colon is being cleansed."

Then I read this comment (from the above-linked thread in the Blue).
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 12:29 PM on July 6, 2008

Actually I meant this comment.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 12:31 PM on July 6, 2008

I think the next step on your self-improvement journey should be to throw yourself into lots and lots of social situations, take a lot of chances (invite people to lunch, to dinner, for drinks, etc.) and break down this sense of yourself as a social incompetent.

With regard to your quality that "screams [that] I would not be fun in this situation," which you also describe as "inconsistent" social abilities, I think you should expect less of yourself.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 3:23 PM on July 5, 2008

I don't know whether this is an old wives' tale or not, but I have read that animal brokers (who provide animals to medical centers for research purposes) have been known to scour the classifieds for "free to good home" dogs which they then turn around and sell to medical researchers.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 10:46 AM on July 5, 2008

... Anyway, it's up to you, but don't be fooled that the legal system is there to fix anybody...

... Of course juvie's not there to fix anyone ...

Actually, "fixing" kids is exactly what juvenile court is there for. Punishment is a secondary concern in the juvenile justice system; rehabilitation and treatment is primary. Whether it succeed in rehabilitating is another question, but don't say... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 8:33 AM on July 4, 2008

We use Hasler. No problems, but YMMV.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 12:25 PM on July 3, 2008

At the firm, I like the people and the work is fairly complicated, but it doesn't have me at the edge of my seat.

Be careful not to romanticize the work of a District Attorney's office. As entertainingly rough-and-tumble as the experience may seem, it is a lot of very rote, very menial legal work. You will rarely have the opportunity, early in your career at a D.A.'s office, to do in-depth legal analysis. Depending on the locality, you may not... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 7:35 PM on July 1, 2008

This is a no-brainer. Being an adult means understanding your parents make the rules in their own home.

For you to fight it makes you seem very much less than grown up.

An adult would respect the parents' wishes.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 6:46 PM on July 1, 2008

Why are you marrying this person? You deserve someone who trusts you.

This "romantic" attitude is what leads a great many people to go into marriage without the protection of a pre-nup, and then get screwed.

Insisting on a pre-nup is not saying "I don't trust you."

It's saying, "In light of the fact that a huge percentage of the marriages that start off just as happy and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jayder at 3:44 PM on July 1, 2008