Dude, you GOT to start whittling. Some wood and a knife, man. You say you're a biology major; why not try whittling little models of unicellular life forms and other microscopic things? A tiny wooden DNA strand, a paramecium with the organelles stained a darker color than the cytoplasm... the possibilities are endless* when it comes to whittling!

*NOTE: POSSIBILITES ONLY INCLUDE CARVING STUFF OUT OF WOOD
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:48 AM on July 25, 2008

Are we looking for actual malice in the ripoff? 'Cause the recycling of plot structures happens a lot, but it's usually put as "homage."

hermitosis, you ever seen La Jetée? It was this fantastic half-hour French film from the sixties, done almost entirely in still black-and-white photos, and Twelve Monkeys was sorta based on it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 9:07 AM on July 25, 2008

My store's main, #1 customer service policy is to greet every person who enters the department. Obviously not everyone needs assistance, but in the feedback from our ongoing customer surveys, people say they want to be acknowleged. I say "Good morning," or "Are you finding everything okay?" Hopefully I'm not aggravating people and ruining their day by subjecting them to a two-sentence conversation.

It wouldn't be ruining my day,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 9:00 AM on July 23, 2008

Apotheosis is the entire plotline of the comic book The Replacement God. A lot of apotheosis stories take a pretty solemn approach, but The Replacement God is full of adventure and comedy. You'll love it if you like the comic Bone.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 5:52 AM on July 18, 2008

Give 'em some MSG, man. Let them taste it themselves; I don't think you can really "explain" it any more than you could explain the concept of "blue".
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 8:49 AM on July 17, 2008

You might try using thinner condoms, if you haven't already. But also, the angle(s) at which you're penetrating might be an issue.

Let's say you two are gettin' rutty, missionary-style. If you're on top of her, there's a solid chance that your "Friendly Charles" is pointing slightly downwards. In this illustration (SFW), it may be like line B. Angle your hips up slightly, and you're then pointing along the green line in the center. With either of those... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 12:52 PM on July 16, 2008

I'm no scientist, so I think that one of the most useful things I can do for my fellow sciencin' peeps is to get really excited about scientific theories and discoveries in conversations and emotional interactions. Too often, Science is encountered in the way some people in this thread are doing -- trying to convince people that they're wrong, snarkily dismissing those who don't believe, implying that established authorities have the Only Correct Pattern on how to look at life. This makes... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:11 PM on July 15, 2008

If you're not in the union, I don't see how it's your business to join in. Would you be doing the work of the striking individuals or something?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:52 AM on July 15, 2008

Word up! Bacon! I recently made a pan of 24 cupcakes using two pounds of bacon and with maybe a third of the fat content (both butter and shortening) replaced by bacon-grease. I got great (but not overpowering) flavor out of that. But of course, you'd want less bacon, 'cause Rice Krispies are so much less dense than cupcakes.

So I haven't done what you're doing, but if I was about to, here are the proportions that I feel in my heart to be... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:04 PM on July 11, 2008

(Also, since I advocate the partial replacement of butter by bacon-fat, I would say that yeah, pat it down 'til it's as dry as it can get.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:05 PM on July 11, 2008

Thank you for the update! I'm delighted to hear about the results, and I think my new go-to phrase for why I can't do something is going to be "my peaches ripened and i needed to make a pie".
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 12:52 PM on July 12, 2008

There's this fucking awesome slowdown in Man With a Movie Camera. It's been a while since I've seen it, but if I recall correctly, it involves a man hurdling: the film slows, then freezes as he hits the high-point of the jump. I forget what comes before and after that moment exactly, but I remember feeling at the time like that shot served as a visual crescendo for the entire movie.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:15 PM on July 10, 2008

In terms of nasreddin's advice to compare our current economic/environmental problems to the UNHOLY TERROR that is nuclear war, you might check out The War Game. After viewing it, you'll likely think that all our current problems are way more manageable than unaccountable governments wielding nuclear weapons. The downside is that you may subsequently be terrified by our current unaccountable government wielding nuclear weapons.

As far as economic worries, though: how... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 8:52 AM on July 9, 2008

A few clarification questions: How old are you? When would you say you started feeling this way? Can you think of the last period in your life when you didn't feel "lost"? If you feel comfortable sharing that last one, please do. Can you give a concrete example of a "true desire" that you recently passed over in favor of a "practical" thing?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:14 PM on July 8, 2008

I just saw a pretty crap little grill at the Walgreens near Union Square the other day. I think it was only ten bucks, but who knows if they've all been bought out by now. Home Depot also had some bigger cheap black-and-red ones.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 10:50 AM on July 3, 2008

Ah, the heady days of the late nineties...

Congress Approves $4 Billion For Bread, Circuses
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 1:44 PM on July 2, 2008

I really, really loved Gotham Central, by Greg Rucka and Ed Brubaker. It's a gritty little portrayal of the Gotham Police Department, and it is an extraordinary addition to the Batman universe.

The artwork is loose, scratchy, and heavy on the blacks, so the overall feel is that of a decaying film noir. The characters are complex human beings (no one seems to be entirely pro- or anti-Batman, though the presence of an effective, ridiculously-costumed vigilante hangs... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:45 AM on July 1, 2008

A little bit of a warning on Watchmen: It's partially a commentary on comic books and is a product of its time, so I'd definitely recommend it, but maybe after you've gained a bit more exposure to comics.

You know, I would think this too, but every non-comic-geek I know who's read Watchmen has loved it, so I think there's enough basic character-driven storyline there to really enjoy it without getting all the Golden/Silver Age... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 10:52 AM on July 2, 2008

You might ask yourself the following questions, and talk to your friends about the subject:

"How are women different from men? How do those differences change the ways in which I interact with them?"

Do you feel strongly attached to anyone? Any extremely close friends or family members that you feel love for?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:13 PM on July 1, 2008

Why don't you stop using these services? If you hate At&T Wireless, for example, stop using them. You don't need a cell phone.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 9:14 AM on June 30, 2008

attaching a giant cardboard movie cutout to to roof.

Giant cardboard hands, holding open either side of their front door, will turn any house into a goatse house!
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:21 PM on June 26, 2008

You have two separate questions here:

Can I call myself a vegetarian

You sure can! Go for it!

Am I effectively a vegetarian

You sure aren't! So long as animals are getting their throats cut to become "condiments" for your mostly-veg diet, you're lying to anyone if you tell 'em you're a vegetarian.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 5:19 PM on June 25, 2008

You know, you can more or less make your own ice cream maker to freeze things quickly. Fun for kids, or really, anyone who likes shaking things a lot!
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 2:38 PM on June 25, 2008

When I think of Autumn, I think of a lot of the emo I used to listen to in the nineties -- rascally youths experiencing melancholia. Songs not concerned with death or despair, really, just the slow-burn sadness of growing from a child into an adult.

So I recommend the album "Analphabetapolothology," by Cap'n Jazz. I just put their song "Little League" on the mix I made for the MeFt Mix-CD swap!... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 7:57 AM on June 25, 2008

Well, the easiest part of the question to answer is:

And why will they never love us back?

That's completely untrue. Break up with your boyfriend and ask the co-worker out for a cup of coffee. You're sad because you're not accepting the possibility that your crush might be reciprocated, so it seems doomed from the get-go. But you're being the primary doomer here, by not making yourself available and your intentions known.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 12:44 PM on June 24, 2008

Is he having trouble getting a woman, or are you just mystified by his lack of effort? Maybe dude's just doin' his own thing, and there ain't no reason for you to worry about him.

If he's really stumped, and really wants to know if he's a total herb or something, encourage him to pay five bucks and ask us himself.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 8:55 AM on June 24, 2008

This sounds suddenly familiar to me, but I'm not sure from where... The best guess I have is Perry Bible Fellowship?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:45 AM on June 20, 2008

There's that Halloween store on 4th Ave, round about 11th Street; their downstairs area has a whole mess of period costumes, though I can't personally vouch for their quality, or for whether they have Southern Belle among their selection. Still, it's just a quick walk from Union Square, so might be worth checking out.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:16 AM on June 19, 2008

we're really looking for the aforementioned yummy-but-unusual quality

Oh hey what's up, guess what I just made a little while ago.

Bacon Cupcakes

I started with the recipe for Amy Sedaris's vanilla cupcakes, and the recipe for Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World's peanut-butter frosting, but I made a number of changes. I guess the most noticeable change was the addition of two pounds of bacon. The... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 8:43 AM on June 19, 2008

how can I tell if my apartment is haunted, and what should I do if it is?

I knew this guy whose family used to live in a haunted house. The family didn't have any major problems with it, just a lot of weird unexplained phenomena that kept cropping up. So as mundane as this answer is: you probably won't need to do anything. I've met a few people who have had experiences with hauntings, but never anything dangerous, just random weirdness like... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:50 AM on June 18, 2008

The ethical answer is not to lie, but just about everyone I knew in college did essentially what kuppajava suggested above, with no ill effects.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:03 AM on June 18, 2008

Gilbert says:

It was merely my own voice, speaking from within my own self. But this was my voice as I had never heard it before.

The way she describes it, coming after a lot of prayer and crying and in the midst of stillness, you could read the voice as a conscious manifestion of an altered version of her own mind.

She doesn't read it that way, though; she explicitly says she believes that it's the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 12:01 PM on June 17, 2008

(The above answer, I should point out, is one that takes Gilbert entirely at her word; a more cynical person might say that what Gilbert "heard" was a Plot Device which allowed her to write an easily-digestible read-it-at-the-beach memoir that ultimately made her a lot of money.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 12:15 PM on June 17, 2008

If you want a wooden shelf of exact dimensions that's fairly cheap, why not figure out the width and height you'd want, buy some boards and screws at a hardware store, and build it yourself? All you would really need is a saw, a screwdriver, and some sandpaper for the rough edges.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 9:44 AM on June 17, 2008

Apart from that, not knowing where your homeland is, it is difficult to imagine what is difficult to get in NYC that someone from there would miss.

Yeah; are you all from Houston? What are the local things he loves there? If my sister sent me a care package, I'd want all kinds of exciting New Hampshire things, but that's where I raised. You can easily get a version of pretty much anything in New York, but you can't get the just... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 8:26 AM on June 16, 2008

23skidoo's answer is so totally correct it should be tattooed upon this page.

Just for reference, your question sounds unbelieveably similar to the situation a friend of mine is in, and I've been telling him for like the last year that he should break up with his lady. I say the same to you.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 7:55 AM on June 15, 2008

In these ten years of getting involved with the opposite sex, how long do each of these dalliances last? You said "Not only have I never had an official relationship", which suggests that each Proto-Relationship thing might just be short-term and not particularly fraught with emotion. In that kind of interaction, why would there be a breakup? What's being broken up?

And just to clarify, I'm not a crazyperson who calls and calls and calls and calls... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 6:29 AM on June 14, 2008

I can tell you though that people often tell me I sound like Beck

I was actually just coming in here to suggest Beck.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 1:10 PM on June 13, 2008

"You should see the other guy!"

Beneath that, draw a picture of a dinosaur! And then, beneath that:

"(The other guy was actually a dinosaur)"
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 1:09 PM on June 13, 2008

Ideally, I'd love to start a comics library where comics could go to be stored and read by future generations.

I did that at my college's main library, and I had a few friends mention that picking up the odd issue of X-Force was a fantastic way to temporarily get away from whatever paper they were supposed to be researching.

These days, my roommate and I mostly donate our new, just-read comics to a secondhand store near us.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 9:27 AM on June 11, 2008 marked best answer

It might be a mistake in the prescription, but the same thing happened to me, also, when I got my first pair of glasses to correct my nearsightedness and astigmatism. I was all, "WHOA JEEZ UH OH," like, "YIKES WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE"
I endorse the abovementioned advice to give it a few days before you start worrying about it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 1:51 PM on June 10, 2008

Seconding jbickers and Kid Charlemagne: some kind of tool or collection of tools would be wicked exciting to me. But then, I'm not your gentleman-friend. How would he feel about a totally sweet leatherman?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 5:17 AM on June 10, 2008

There's no shame in being a big ol' fat dude, as long as you're owning the fact that you're a big ol' fat dude. The two kinds of big ol' fat dudes that exist are the doughy ones who feel that there's a male standard of perfection that they haven't attained, and the alpha-male Tony Soprano types who basically act as if it's the most natural thing on earth to tote around a lot of girth. The former type conceives of his body as something which is done to him; the latter thinks of his body as... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:45 AM on June 9, 2008

If they sealed the envelope using their own saliva, you could have that analyzed for their DNA.

I don't think you need to be that wary, though; free record! Enjoy it!
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 10:54 AM on June 9, 2008

WHOA don't tell her that. Never. Never, never, never. It's fine to think it, plenty of people think that way, but my god, keep that inside your head.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 7:51 AM on June 8, 2008

If you chop up some vegeatables and tofu and have a bit of sauce and/or oil ready in the fridge the night before, you can whip up a quick stir-fry in the morning.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 11:28 AM on June 6, 2008

In New England, at least among long-time residents, crabgrass lawns are the norm, and watering a grass lawn is seen as downright weird.

Is that a New England thing? It just occurred to me, reading this thread, that I grew up on lawns filled with all kinds of plant species. The yard was mowed regularly, but yeah, weeds all over, I guess. It's green, it creates oxygen, it's soft enough to run around on barefoot; that's good enough. The idea of Only... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 9:09 AM on June 6, 2008

I have a job offer to work for a wage that's considered just barely high enough for a single person to live on in my area.

Plenty of people take low-paying, exploitative jobs without even having grad school at the end of it. If you think the job itself sounds interesting, then hell yes, go for it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 8:49 AM on June 6, 2008

"I know, that's what makes it so hot."
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 8:24 AM on June 5, 2008

Over in West Philly, UPenn opened up a public school that they assist, Penn Alexander. Googling for more information led me to this article about rising property values. Search for more about UPenn's public-school assistance for other stuff UPenn does.

I also found what looks like some UPenn education student's paper (PDF) on this, though, and I think it bears quoting here:

Moreover, the school, which has proven to be one of the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Greg Nog at 1:07 PM on June 3, 2008 marked best answer